Текст книги "How to Make Love to a Woman: 69 Orgasmic Ways to Have Mind-Blowing Sex"

Автор книги: Xaviera Hollander

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Текущая страница: 5 (всего у книги 7 страниц)

41

THE DELIGHTS OF DOGGIE STYLE

Whenever the man enters the woman from behind he has the unique opportunity to incorporate use of his hand(s) to achieve a multitude of sensations, each intensifying the other. Whether penetrating anus or vagina, having her back against your chest offers you the freedom to explore her other body parts manually. Kneeling down on all fours, or bent over a chair or bed, all variations lend themselves to at the very least toying with her clitoris and surroundings. If both hands are available, the other can be massaging breasts and tweaking nipples. So, guys, if you dislike neglecting those yummy possibilities as much as I do, grab for them!

For variety, ask her to spread her legs very wide—this allows for greater penetration on your part. This will also have the effect of making you feel well-endowed, whether you are or not. If you are indeed a bit large for her and your entry causes pain, then instruct her to clench her legs tightly together as this will have the opposite effect and it will lessen her pain.

Many men like to move from this position to anal entry and that’s OK, but don’t move from anal to vaginal without stopping to clean up. And don’t enter anally without plenty of lubrication. I said I wouldn’t state the obvious, and I just did, but on behalf of many bottoms around the world, I feel I must.

42

STIMULATE HER A-ZONE

Between the G-spot and the cervix sits the Ahhhhhh Zone (A-Zone) or the anterior fornix zone, as it is scientifically named. It has only been discovered within the past fifteen years by scientists who were investigating solutions for vaginal dryness. Where the G-spot feels spongy to the touch, and the cervix feels like a small round indentation, the skin between the two is taut. When you find it, tickle it. As you are searching for it, be careful how you press against the cervix as pressing too hard can be painful to your partner.

As you are exploring and finding these special places within the sacred portal, be sure to remember that the object is to dance with her at her Resilient Edge of Resistance. Watch her face . . . keep your focus . . . touch, read, adjust.

43

DON’T BE ANAL ABOUT ANAL SEX

In certain American states, anal sex is still considered a form of perversity and there are laws whereby a married woman can successfully sue her husband for divorce if he buggers her. In this day and age, I find that a bit unbelievable, but it is true! Luckily, more of the states have seen common sense and have revised these antiquated laws in the past quarter century.

Getting it “up the butt” is a supreme act of submission for the buggeree and a supreme act of domination for the bugger.

Anal sex can make even the smallest penis feel huge. And even though there are a lot of people who enjoy taking it that way, there are as many that automatically clench their butt cheeks in fear and disgust at the thought. Fear of the pain, disgust that you even want to put your penis there.

It’s probably not so wise to try performing anal sex on a first date, nor is it something you want to wake your wife for in the middle of the night. Better to try some more common kinds of sex-play in those circumstances.

When the time is right, start her off by using your fingers to stroke her ass, kiss her there, perhaps, nibble at the luscious curve of her butt cheeks surrounding the area. Try holding her down with one hand and using your forefinger of the other hand, diddle a while on the outer rim.

If she responds favorably, then try positioning your hard-on against her back hole. If she moans and groans, I’d say you are in luck, but please, please, gentlemen, make sure you are lubricated before you enter. The anus does not have the natural lubricating juices of the vagina. If you’re stranded without a drugstore in sight, good old saliva will always work.

“Lubricants (lubes) can be lots of fun, try the flavored brands to enhance oral sex. If you’re going to insert something into someone, you should only use a water-based brand. ... Never use oil-based lubes (like Crisco or Vaseline); they weaken latex condoms, dental dams and gloves, making them more likely to break.”

—Xaviera Hollander,

Penthouse Letters

, July 1997

While you insert your lubricated erection it is best to massage her breasts and clitoris. The excitement will take her mind off any sensation of pain. The best positions for anal sex, from my own experience, are to have the woman lie face down, with a pillow underneath her stomach, or to have the man lie on his back so that the woman can straddle his crotch. The latter position is best at the initial attempts, since the woman controls the rate of insertion. If things get a little rough, she can pull off with ease.

Anal sex may be somewhat painful for the novice female, but then losing your virginity vaginally is also painful. Your more experienced female mates are into reliving the pain of that original experience and so are likely to be more open to it than the novice.

Anal beads aren’t for everyone, so remember that when you try them. Also, remember that timing is everything. You don’t just shove them up there and yank them out. They are meant to enhance the orgasm, and so the right way to use them is to wait until your partner is almost at orgasm, and then begin to pull them, so that they pop one by one, in a slow rhythmic manner. And if your partner says it hurts (in a non-erotic way), which some people report, then don’t use them again. There are plenty of other things to do.

44

THE DOUBLEHEADER

Try the doubleheader; you might like it, too. It started when one of my lovers complained that when I came while we were sixty-nining, I would stop everything and just float away on a wave of pleasure, leaving him hanging on the brink, as it were. Sometimes he would stop what he was doing to yell, “Hey! What about me?” to which I would gasp, “Don’t stop, don’t stop!” We, or rather he, finally solved that one by stopping, but immediately replacing his tongue with his cock, which he did so rapidly that we hardly missed a beat. This led to what I now call a “doubleheader,” a simultaneous double orgasm for me that no one who has not experienced it can possibly imagine: marvelous!

“There is a powerful Tantric principle: ‘three strokes for thirty.’ It is better to make three delicious strokes precisely at the Resilient Edge of Resistance than thirty strokes that are sloppy and unconscious.”

—Barbara Carrellas,

Urban Tantra

45

VARIATION ON MISSIONARY

A typical progression of positions during initial lovemaking between a man and a woman generally goes like this: The man on top, the woman on her back, beneath him—this is the classic and where most people stay during their first round of love-making. There is enough newness, there is the enjoyment of kissing and touching and exploring a new body; it’s a time-honored starting point for lovers. This then becomes modified as both partners lie on their sides and continue to make love from a new angle. Then comes doggie style as he takes her from behind, and, finally, a sacred Tantric position, both lovers in a seated position, face to face, he is sitting “Indian style” and she is mounted on top of him with her legs wrapped around your back. These are the four basic lovemaking positions.

In the first position, where the woman is on the bottom and the man on top, if you tell her to pull her legs tight together once she is near orgasm, she may be able to induce the timing of her own orgasm and find a trick she may want to repeat now and again. Doing this will also prove useful (pleasurable) to her if you have a size-challenged penis.

46

FROGGY STYLE

The best position is an extension of the doggie style that I call froggy style, and it is best done on the floor, rather than the bed. The woman bends from the waist and puts her hands on the floor. She bends her knees some, but has her weight on her toes. He is in a similar position, hovering over her. He grabs her cheeks and spreads them and inserts his penis into her vagina, then rocks up and down on his toes causing stimulation to both.

47

POUNDING ON THE SPOT

Plain old rapid pounding has been given a bad name by those who do that and only that. The fact is, most women like a good pounding if it’s not alone on the menu and if the timing is right (meaning, hot hors d’oeuvres have been served up already). The act of “dok el arz” (Ancient Arabic for “pounding on the spot”) done in a particular rhythm is desired by most women and, in fact, for many it is a required course at some point during the lovemaking session.

It isn’t necessary to climax at the same time—some people are so intent on ensuring a perfectly timed dual climax (his and hers) that they miss all the fun. As long as both of you are satisfied in the end, that’s what counts. However, if you are one of those people who think it is not really consummated, or that you haven’t really communed with the angels, unless you and your lover climax at exactly the same moment, there are some things you can do. Learn your partner’s sexual rhythm and try to match it. Get your partner talking to you during sex so that you’ll have some clues. Penetrate only after she has been brought to the brink and then drive home the ball, when you know your timing is synchronized. Sometimes the only way to know is by getting your partner to clue you in, so, as I said, get her talking.

48

PLEASURE HER WITH HER OWN TOYS

If your wife or girlfriend seems overly attached to her vibrator, don’t fret. From the early Kinsey report, Psychologist Dr. Wardell Pomeroy wrote, “Many women can’t seem to have an orgasm except with a vibrator.” But he added, “More importantly perhaps, women may eventually be able to learn from the vibrator how to have an orgasm without it.” Many men have written me over the years complaining about their lady’s obsession with her vibrator and I tell them all the same thing: learn to give her orgasms equal to it and then she would never choose the fake, when she can have the real thing.

“Once a lover discovered my dildo in my nightstand drawer. As soon as he saw it, he decided to use it on me and I must say, he gave me a mind-blowing orgasm. I commented that I was surprised that he was so comfortable using one, as most men find them daunting to the ego. He commented, ‘You can’t get to the moon without a rocket ship.’”

—Veronica Vera,

Miss Vera’s Finishing School for Boys Who Want to Be Girls

Sexual women are generally attached to (no pun intended) and rather fond of their dildos, but what can really blow their minds is the skillful operation of that dildo in the hands of a man. So boys, instead of being jealous of her vibrator, pick it up and please her with it. You’ll be surprised.

Buy her a new sex toy. Have her pick it out with you. Add to the collection now and again. Remember, variety is the spice of life.

49

CONDOMS FOR FUN?

About five years ago I had a garden luncheon for a friend and we gathered all her friends, a group of pretty ladies in their mid-thirties to mid-forties, and I happened to come in from checking on my kitchen staff to hear one of them say, “It’s true. Men over forty never do, and men under forty always do.” When I said, “Do what?” they said, “Wear condoms.” Apparently they had been comparing notes on lovers and love escapades and came to the conclusion that there is this magical, automatic dividing line and that it requires no discussion. Men under forty always have condoms and always use them. Men over forty never have condoms and never use them.

It’s five years later, so I’m guessing that the under-forty crowd (now under forty-five) didn’t stop using rubbers and that the over-forty-five crowd (now over fifty) didn’t suddenly start.

If you are going to be promiscuous, you need to wear them. Some women report that many men today, as they age, become more interested in closing the deal on a monogamous relationship just so that they don’t have to bother with the rubbers or the risk. If you don’t wear them, this advice is lost on you, but if you do, be adventurous and go for variety: try the scented ones, the studded ones, the ribbed ones, the glow in the dark ones. Provide her with variety, even when it comes to condoms.

50

PROLONG THE PLAY

Stay in foreplay mode a long time. One thing that many men have told me is that the longer they can manage to prolong foreplay, the more time they can spend in a state of high arousal. And the longer they can delay ejaculation, the stronger and more thrilling is the orgasm when it finally happens. One tried and true example of doing this is to leisurely explore her whole body with your hands and lips (see tip #25, Think Like a Lesbian). By the time you are done with the journey, you will know which places she likes having played with. You will know where to linger, and where not to, by her responses.

Then, instead of the ever popular 69 position, lay on your stomach between her legs. You will not only enjoy a visual close up of her delectable pussy with the panoramic backdrop of her nipple-peaked breasts, but you can also caress her clitoris with your tongue. She can fondle your head and ears, but she cannot reach your cock to trigger a premature ejaculation. Meanwhile, you can thrust against the mattress to increase your own stimulation—or if it gets too exciting—be absolutely still.

In this way, you should be able to make almost any woman climax before you come yourself. Once she has her orgasm, you can slide your stiff cock into her now-soaking pussy and if you come in five strokes, she will still think you are terrific.

I have known men who can go all night having round after round of sex, without coming. They make marvelous lovers. I answered one such man whose young bride was complaining that he was too controlling of his orgasms, she was apparently getting too exhausted from the sessions. I told my reader, “As a loyal and patriotic soldier, you no doubt spend a lot of time polishing your weapon, oiling it, stripping it down, and so forth and quite rightly so! These exercises are essential for maximum efficiency in the field of battle. However, it is also important to be prepared when expecting an encounter with the enemy. When your sergeant wakes you in the morning with “Hands off cocks and on with socks!” you should obey and stay off the beat for a few days before your next sexual encounter. A period of abstinence in a healthy young man does no harm, and it may produce a level of horniness that will make you shoot your load at the dinner table, as your wife bends over to check the roast.”

51

ENCOURAGE HER

As you introduce variety into your sex life, be sure to give words of encouragement to your partner all along the way. If you want to be a great lover, then you have to provide her with great sex. If you want to provide her with great sex, you have to make it safe for her heart clit and nothing makes it safer than words of encouragement. Don’t know what to say? Here are some that work, things you should feel comfortable and sincere in saying to your lady. And if you don’t, then spend some time and make your own list and practice those words until they roll off your tongue.

“Damn, you are so extraordinarily beautiful.”

“I can’t take my eyes or hands off of you, you are so sexy.”

“Being inside of you is the only place I ever want to be.”

“You are so hot.”

“You are so sexy.”

“I want you. I have to have you.”

I recently attended a wedding ceremony where the Episcopalian minister gave a most heart-warming talk to the young couple at the altar. He told the young man that there are two things that the young man should try to do every day—and it will make his marriage strong. Those two things were—number one—to make this woman (and he pointed to the bride) feel pretty and desirable and—number two—make her know that you will fight for her, at any time, in any way that life requires, that you will, indeed, fight for her. For the record, he instructed the bride that she has only one job to do and that is to treat him like a man, respect him as a man, and remind him, now and again, that he is a good man. All fodder for the heart clit.

GETTING KINKY

52

GETTING STARTED

If you are in a new relationship and don’t know how to suggest to your partner that you want to act out some special fantasy of yours, there are a number of subtle ways to work up to it without coming right out and saying, “Would you let me spank you?” Most women, especially, have difficulty verbalizing their fantasies, so here are some tips for working your way up to it.

We already talked about the importance of getting her talking. If she has a really hard time discussing it with you, then make her write it down for you. Ask her outright to tell you about her favorite sex dream or masturbation fantasy. Start renting erotic movies and see how the reaction to that goes. Movies are safe and couples who share a movie are expected to talk about it. Your partner may style her comments about the film in a Siskel and Ebert fashion, but you must read the body language and the delivery and you will know. Reference the listing in tip #67 for books and films that will inspire conversation.

“Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.”

—Rodney Dangerfield

Books are good, but reading is a much slower process. Another way to broach a kinky subject is to tell a story you make up about a friend, who once told you he did something very erotic with his girlfriend and then tell the story as you want your fantasy to go down. There’s more than one way to skin that cat. And in my opinion, if you don’t get to the point where you can talk about your fantasies, your sex life with this person will always be extremely limited.

Today’s modern couples rely on their negotiating skills for almost all aspects of life, from purchasing a home to managing Grandma’s expectations on baby-sitting night, so sex between the partners shouldn’t be so different. Where sex should never be negotiable, kink should always be negotiable. A woman’s willingness or ability to engage in acts that she considers kinky is highly modulated by the heart clit—the safer the heart, the higher the chances that she will play at a variety of adventures; the less trust she has, the less likely she is going to engage in anything she considers kinky.

Assuming you have made it very safe for her heart clit to allow her body clit to proceed, then negotiate for what you want. For example, if you are trying to get her to let you take erotic pictures, start out way down and off the mark with “getting a third in bed.” If you know she will absolutely not do the latter, then work your way backward to the photos by making it seem like you given up a lot. All’s fair in love, and war, and in the quest for mind-blowing sex.

53

PRACTICE VERBAL BONDAGE

Practice verbal bondage—get your lover to give the commands, or you give the commands, but it can be very erotic to be told, “OK, put your hands here and keep them here,” or “don’t move,” or even “be still.” This is a great way to experience the fun of BDSM (bondage, domination/submission, sadism/masochism) with a new love and not have any risk of scaring her away with the paraphernalia of ropes and rigs.

In the quest for “mind-blowing” sex, never underestimate the value of words. In fact, don’t underestimate the power of the voice. Voice is important. Words are important.

“It’s been so long since I’ve had sex, I’ve forgotten who ties up whom.”

—Joan Rivers

If you are going to involve your partner in the kinkier side of sex, then part of making it safe for her to do so, part of soothing her heart clit, is to let her know that she can make up a “safe word” and whenever she says that word, the play will stop automatically.

Most people today develop a code word to use when they are about to engage in something unusually or kinky. On the other hand, someone who has a lot of trust and faith in you might say, “No, I don’t have code words. I don’t believe in them.” And that’s because, for that person, half the fun is in knowing that there is no way out. She is having her brain clit tickled just by the thought that there is no way out and, therefore, the mere existence of a code word would spoil her fun.