Текст книги "How to Make Love to a Woman: 69 Orgasmic Ways to Have Mind-Blowing Sex"

Автор книги: Xaviera Hollander

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54

HAVE A SPANKING GOOD TIME

One of the theories about why people become masochists is that the corporal punishment they received as kids made them feel secure, secure in the bosom of the family. Getting spanked as an adult recalls that good feeling of safety as a child. My former lover refutes this by stating that she was never spanked as a child, yet she enjoyed the discipline game immensely.

Frannie came from a highly respected family whom she loved very much, but ran away from home at a young age, worked as a hooker, and did all she could to upset them. My theory is that she felt she deserved to be spanked. She certainly worked at being a bitch, in the hope that I would punish her physically, but sometimes I was really sadistic and punished her by doing nothing, which drove her nuts.

“You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle-aged women. Stuff you pay good money for later in life.”

—Elmo Phillips

A few years ago, the Swiss Institute of Psychological Research examined why student test scores had fallen in recent years, and came up with the surprising suggestion that the lower scores may be related to the banning of corporal punishment. The brain may be connected to the behind, it seems. The study of 150 college student volunteers found that following some swats on their backside, their ability to remember facts increased by an average of 38%.

Just because you like to paddle her ass, it doesn’t make you a sadist. Wanting to experience being spanked doesn’t make you a masochist, either.

For many years I had an ardent fan, a young woman from New York City, who followed me around the world. Sarah considered herself my total slave, and there was nothing she liked better than a fine spanking or whipping. At first I hesitated because I couldn’t bear to hurt such a charming young woman. But I finally gave in to her constant begging, and it got so I really enjoyed giving it to her to whatever degree she wanted it. Usually, I hit her so that her buttocks turn red. As I hit her, I swore in German or Dutch. Sometimes, while her ass was still red, she would hand me a camera, and I would take pictures of her smarting backside. Because I enjoyed her company and enjoyed pleasing her, does that make me a sadist? I think not. Remember, do what makes you and your lover happy. If you enjoy what you’re doing, then it’s natural.

If you are going to spank your mate, make sure you have some clue about what you are doing. It doesn’t matter if you use a ping pong paddle, a wooden spoon, or your hand. The erogenous zone of the bottom (in regard to spanking) is where the butt meets the top of the legs and the closer to the private parts, the better. Spanking of the vagina is fairly popular, as well. One hard stroke, two soft, one hard, three soft—establishing a rhythm is good. Remember to read her and that the objective is to dance at her Resilient Edge of Resistance. Touching in between strokes is also good. Play and squeeze to your (and her) heart’s desire. The touching is a soft contrast to the beating and the results will likely make your playmate very wet.

55

EXPERIMENT WITH HARMLESS SENSORY DEPRIVATION

Lots of folks blindfold their mates during sex, but perhaps if you have a long stretch of time to play, you should step it up a notch. I had no idea how erotic it could be until I had an operation and lost my eyesight for forty-eight hours. It was scary. My boyfriend collected me from the clinic after the operation and, with my eyes bandaged, led me the two blocks back to the car.

The traffic seemed twice as strident as usual, and the noise made by other people on the sidewalk, the footsteps, and snatches of shouted conversation were terrifyingly loud. I had an unreasonable fear of being attacked, even though I was leaning on the strong arm of my man.

When we got home, the house was not quite as I remembered it, some distances seemed shorter and others longer, and there were far more projections and steps up and down in dangerous and unexpected places than I had ever realized. My lover prepared a wonderful meal, and although he told me afterward that his thinking was to serve me food that could be shoveled in with a spoon, it was the flavor I remember. Later, still bandaged and lightly drugged with painkillers, we made love, and the texture of his skin, the feel of his hard but invisible cock under my hand, between my lips and in my pussy, took on a new dimension.

56

ATTEND A SEX-BASED EVENT

To find a swingers’ party near you, go to the Internet and type in “swingers” followed by a comma and your town or city. It’s that easy.

To gain acceptance to most swinger events you will need to register. Registering generally consists of sending in a photo of yourself and some money. Go there, socialize, meet people and if you feel up to it, participate. Couples tend to be pretty good about telling you what they are into and asking permission. If at any point, you feel uncomfortable, you can always say no. Also, if you want to watch and not participate, you can just tell people you are into voyeurism.

Attend an S&M workshop together. Your local S&M store often will give free workshops on how to use sex toys, care for leather products, or assume different sexual roles. These workshops can be a lot of fun to attend. I can guarantee that you will learn something new! Not only will the two of you be exposed to something new together, but then you will have a lot to talk about—and who knows where a conversation like this could lead you.

57

MAKE HOME MOVIES

Make your own kinky movie together. Then watch it and immediately erase it. Most couples die of laughter when they watch themselves having sex. Let’s face it: most people look rather silly during the act. The good news is that your partner already knows what you look like—and enjoys it with you. So, the only embarrassment you may feel is about you seeing you! However, on a few occasions, you might even find yourself looking pretty good.

Today there are many creative ways a man can use a video camera to have some fun with his woman. It’s not just the filming and the playback, but the fact that the Internet provides a vast opportunity for posting materials. There are adult portals where husbands post their videos of their wives and viewers can rate them. If you are in the mood for a little harmless exhibitionism, you have all the tools today to be your own production company.

58

EXPAND THE PARTNERSHIP TO INCLUDE A THIRD PARTY

For many couples, marriage becomes dull after a few years and in order not to cheat or spend a lot of household money on porn or other alternative entertainment, many have chosen to have a third or fourth partner join in on the sexual fun. Often it starts totally harmlessly enough: the wife gets visited by the neighbor, male or female; they start chatting and eventually end with playing versions of harmless or not so harmless games. Games may be fun but then (old story) the husband walks in and catches them in on the act.

Either he gets jealous and mad, or he gets turned on and wanks off secretly, or in the end joins in on the action. Men generally like to see two women make out.

“The bonds of wedlock are so heavy that it takes two to carry them, sometimes three.”

—Alexander Dumas

Today’s “metro-men” are not nearly as homophobic as the ones I grew up with and so there is a growing tendency for hetero men to experience homosexual encounters. Though at orgies, it is still much rarer to see two men at it than two or more women.

Even very straight-laced and conservative couples sometimes arrange for a third, just to spice things up now and again. In today’s liberal environment and with the advent of the Internet, it is not so uncommon for a husband to “order up” that big, tough black man for his wife to fuck on her fortieth birthday.

For those of you who are wondering, “What do we do together, exactly?” I’ll give you a hint about one position that I find incredibly erotic. I call it “the sandwich screw.”

It takes a very versatile, flexible, and sex-loving woman plus two good male lovers to make a perfect “sandwich.” It so happens that I have experienced this kind of lovemaking, including when I had more than two men in bed with me and another woman, so it was more like an orgy, but the positioning is for two men and a woman. I had a wonderful time just watching the proceedings between the girl and the guys. One of the guys was lying on his back with my girlfriend on top of him, her back towards his stomach as he slowly penetrated her anus. Meanwhile, another guy was fucking her in the vagina. To top it all, the third guy was leaning over her face, while she sucked his cock. Believe me, that was a hot night in Toronto!

Of course, it is very important that both men have good timing and good rhythm so that their movements are synchronized. Try it on a rainy Sunday afternoon. I can’t think of a better pastime.

A lot of people, men and women, crave being with two people at the same time. This is natural for people with high libidos and if you are lucky enough to be living with a very sexual person, then you should consider adding a third to the bedroom scene now and again, to satisfy that craving for her and for you.

Picking up partners together can be much more fun and exciting and successful, provided it is done naturally. For instance, you do not necessarily have to mention that you are married or partnered to each other. You could just be a good friend who likes women. This way you can share partners who suit both your tastes, and the new girl will not feel guilty about intruding on a stable marriage or relationship.

You could both participate in seducing a woman. While he chats with her, you could arrange the drinks, put on a suitable record, and lower the lights. In other words, one of you could be in charge of mood-setting and the other in charge of entertaining. You could run a nice bubble bath and set out a candle with two or three glasses of wine or champagne in the bathroom for that great moment when you all decide to step out of your clothes and frolic around in the water.

Here are some things to consider if you are planning to expand your relationship. Many men have written me after having opened their marital relationship to a third partner, a second woman. They ask how they can go about making it permanent. I tell them to ask themselves some simple questions first. Is it the open marriage you want, the threesome, or is it that you are tired of your relationship with your wife? If it is the latter, I say don’t proceed. Just like you shouldn’t bring children into a bad marriage, you shouldn’t invite a third into a relationship permanently if that base relationship isn’t good. If the relationship at home is good and the wife is willing (in other words, she likes the threesome thing too and wants to make it more permanent), then the next question to ask yourself is “Can I eat cake every day?” Any man would be happy to have a great marriage and a little extra “treat” now and again with an extra woman in the bed. You perhaps should be happy with that. After all, what happens when we eat cake every day? We get fat and our teeth fall out.

59

PARTICIPATE IN AN ORGY

I once hosted an orgy of about thirty-six people, including a dozen or so of the old-time swingers, the rest were newcomers to the group sex game. For the first few hours any outsider would have thought that it was a normal party, because everybody kept their clothes on and didn’t know how to get the ball rolling. At midnight I served some hot food and snacks and announced, half-jokingly: “Ladies and gentlemen, since this party was supposed to be an orgy, I now announce the food is ready and we can all eat or fuck, or fuck what we eat or whom we eat, but I suggest each lady start undressing at least the upper half of her partner’s torso.”

“The most exciting of all for a man must be when he is on his knees bent forward, supporting himself with his hands, and while one woman fondles his balls, the other sucks his cock. Just thinking about it makes me wish I was a man right now—with two chicks doing it to me, of course.”

—Xaviera Hollander,

Penthouse Letters

, November 1988

And so, sometimes with effort, sometimes with finesse, the men got their shirts and sweaters and scarves peeled off. Then I announced that the men do whatever they wanted to the women. Soon there was a mutual stripping of clothing. The sexiest girls were the ones who kept on a tiny piece of clothing—a shawl, a long string of pearls, or maybe a garter belt and stockings (nobody wore bras). The amazing thing was that the new swingers who had never publicly undressed before became uninhibited in this crowd of people; the loss of inhibitions seemed to be contagious.

The next day I got many enthusiastic phone calls from people who had finally overcome their jealousy of their partner’s having sex with others—as long as it remained under their close supervision and was completely sexual. Remember, your woman can call the shots on how, when, where, and just how much, but you are going to have to take that first step.

60

DO IT IN A PUBLIC PLACE

Many men have the fantasy of doing it with their girlfriends in public places, or driving down the highway with her naked body exposed, or fingering her in a highway traffic jam with a trucker watching from the next lane.

When I was in Brazil for Carnival, I happened to be riding in a car with five young Brazilian playboys. I was wearing a flimsy, low-cut dress, and since it was extremely hot, I hadn’t put on a bra or panties. While two of the boys fondled and fingered me, a third had pulled down the strap of my dress to kiss my tits. We had a jolly time, especially when a local bus loaded with adults and children passed by. The banging against the glass and the screams of excitement from the windows of the bus made me have an orgasm on the spot, my pussy exposed in the wind. If your girlfriend or wife is skittish about this, then start her out slowly—with semi-private places, like the woods, and work your way up to the highways and bi-ways. (Don’t be stupid though; don’t try to drive and fuck at the same time. See my warning under the chapter entitled “Make ‘Make-Believe’ Danger.”)

61

INTRODUCE HER TO VOYEURISM

A lot of men have written me over the years about wanting to watch their wives have sex with other men. My personal theory on why a man would want to watch his wife with another man is that he is secretly bored with their physical relationships and needs reassurance that his wife is still desirable. I know dozens of marriages that actually would be strengthened if the wife could go out and get marvelously laid about once a month or even just once a year. Unfortunately, few men could handle this situation, although many of those same men would think nothing of employing a call girl for their own pleasure while on the road.

“Many men would like to see their wives, at least one time, being done by another man. They fantasize about it, they obsess about it, but for most, it stays in fantasy land. Most just don’t know how to get there.”

—Xaviera Hollander,

Penthouse Letters

, August 1987

Voyeurism is supposedly a masculine art, but I got enough letters over the years from women who participated and enjoyed it immensely that I know that neither sex has exclusivity on this fetish. I’m not much of a voyeur myself, but after receiving so many letters from voyeurs, I began to wonder what the thrill was.

I couldn’t quite figure out the phenomenon of voyeur husbands until I tried it myself—that is, I watched my young male lover screw my young female lover. And then I understood.

I was living with a young male ballet student, and occasionally we got into things with another man or woman, or both. After a little foreplay one night, I feigned a headache and said I’d rather watch than actually participate. This surprised my lover, but he consented to make love with my girlfriend for the night, while I simply watched. Now of course I’ve watched him fuck other women while he’s either fingered me or performed cunnilingus on me, but this was a totally different experience. I did nothing but watch. The best part was watching him shove his cock in and out of her pussy. I knew how he felt to her because I’d taken what he had so many times; a long, thin cock that could hit the spot like no other. My friend screamed with delight, and afterward she said the experience was doubly exciting because I was watching her get fucked by my own lover.

When she said that, I practically creamed in my jeans. Not only did I have to have my own lover right then and there (to show him that I was the better fuck, perhaps), but I also wanted to masturbate my friend. Somehow, I just had to feel her up where my lover, only moments before, had made love to her. Yes, sir, voyeurism can be a very erotic act and now I get it.

62

TICKLE HER FANCY

Tickling is a very common form of foreplay, and most men who have a fetish for tickling know that they are going to have to do more than get the girl in bed, whip out a feather, and say, “And now, my dear, I’m going to tickle you pink.”

Try kissing her nipples, underarms, neck, ribs, belly, and feet; and after each kiss, gently tickle that part of her body with your fingers. Don’t say anything—just do it! But don’t linger too long over any one part of her body. Kiss and tickle her nipples for a few seconds and then move on to her ribs, and so on. That way she’ll just think you’re a superb lover.

If she responds positively to your tickling, you’ve got a ticklee on your hands, and then you can become more open about your fetish. But if the girl should say “Hey, stop that—you’re tickling me!” you can always cover yourself with the line, “Oh, I’m sorry . . . I was just kissing and massaging all the nooks and crannies of your beautiful body.”

If this should happen and you are rejected, please don’t be embarrassed or feel ashamed of your fetish. It’s really very harmless and not at all uncommon. Some people are just too uptight to understand; others just don’t find it erotic.

You’ll discover, however, that most women find a mild degree of tickling to be very erotic.

If I were to be the tickler (versus the ticklee), I’d first tie my victim spread-eagled on my bed. Then I’d arrange a variety of props to use. For instance, I’d certainly have a fluffy feather, a fringed tassel of silk rope, a steel hairbrush, and, of course, my long, hard fingernails. I would not limit myself to her feet. I’d also work on her armpits, flanks, and especially her sacred portal. Part of the time she’d be blindfolded so that she couldn’t see which part of her body I’d tickle next.

63

IF GOLDEN SHOWERS ARE ON YOUR LIST . . .

When it comes to living out golden shower fantasies, it’s fair to try to enroll your partner in the game, but if after several attempts you can’t convince, don’t insist. Find other ways. In one of the early 2000 issues of Penthouse, they had pictures of beautiful women with their legs spread, peeing. Although it upset some readers, many more reported finding it delightfully kinky.

There’s a porn video in my collection in which a well hung guy, after ejaculating in his lady’s mouth, starts to pee, still with an erection. He continues for a truly remarkable length of time, while she uses his penis like a shower head, spraying her breasts, her pussy, and the rest of her body. Just goes to show that there are plenty of people who appreciate the 24-karat experience. Many women are reluctant to participate in such sports, so I recommend that if you want your wife or girlfriend to play, start slowly. Ask her to let you watch her pee and when she gets used to that, move on. Next ask her if she’ll pee on you in the shower, or let you do the same to her, depending on your preference. And then remember the old adage “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make her drink,” and if after all your efforts she still doesn’t want to do it, then don’t.

There is nothing uncommon about a man’s desire to pee on his partner. This is called “urolagnia.” Hedgehogs prepare for copulation by peeing on each other. When a female mare is in heat, her urine contains a maximum concentration of female hormones. This may be one reason why some males take pleasure in sniffing female urine. Some men enjoy watching a woman urinate while squatting, as it is a symbol of her sex. Some urolagnists receive ineffable masochistic pleasure from being sprayed with urine, or even forced to drink it (I wouldn’t recommend this, but I know it happens).

Urolagnia is rarer in women. I say, however, that there have been times that I have truly enjoyed taking off my suit on a beach and peeing in front of four men. As they masturbate, I quite often spray a little urine on their cocks. On occasion I have enjoyed a shot of urine against my own clitoris.