Текст книги "The Line Between"

Автор книги: Tamsyn Bester

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Текущая страница: 19 (всего у книги 20 страниц)

His lips moved against mine as he whispered, “Goodbye, Kitten,” and unlike the last time, I didn’t feel like I was splitting in two.

Dane kissed me one more time, a sweet lingering peck, and then walked out. I found myself hoping he’d find his absolution, because I wanted to be here when he did.

EPILO GUE

Dane

One Month Later

EVERY DAY OF the last month had been leading up to this moment. I’d spent a week trying to convince myself I should just wait until Kennedy got back tomorrow, but a last minute shove out the door from Jade, meant the decision to come and get her was made for me.

And I couldn’t say it was the wrong decision.

I gripped my steering wheel, and took a deep breath before climbing out my truck. It was freezing outside, so I hugged my jacket closer as I walked towards the barn on Kennedy’s grandparents’ property in Madison, Georgia.

I’d called Beau two days ago to let him know I was coming, and he’d let me know they were having an engagement party for him and his fiancé Sarah. He was a pretty decent guy, and I could tell he really cared about Kennedy. To my surprise, he was on board with me showing up, and he didn’t even hesitate to include me in the night’s festivities. I just hoped he didn’t mind me stealing the limelight so that I could make an ass of myself in front of Kennedy’s family and their friends.

The last time I saw Kennedy I was walking away from her – again – but at the time it was the right thing to do. She woke up after her accident, and I expected her to yell at me, and tell me to leave, because I deserved that and so much more. Instead, she’d given me what I wanted, which was time to sort myself out, head and heart included.

I needed time to forgive myself for the mistakes I made, and for the unforgiveable things I'd said to her the night of her accident. I’d hit an all-time personal low, and because I was too stubborn, and selfish to see past my own hatred and grief, I blamed her. For everything.

I wouldn’t say I was good enough for her after this past month, but I knew I was ready to try, and I wanted her to see that. I didn’t deserve her forgiveness, but I’d spend the rest of my life making it up to her if it meant she was willing to take that chance on me. On us.

My mother and I had been spending a lot of time together lately, and she’d helped me put things into perspective. I expected her to be upset about my relationship with Kennedy, but instead she’d simply said, “I want you to be happy, the same way I knew Jewel was with Charlie.” I’d had no idea she knew about their relationship, or that she’d had no objection to them being together, and it made me realize just how easily I’d adopted my father’s beliefs about the Monroe family. It was one of many reasons why I’d cut all contact from him after Kennedy’s accident. I no longer wanted him to influence how I was allowed to feel about her.

Despite the frigid temperature, my hands were sweating, and my pulse raced wildly. I was so fucking nervous and scared and ready. There was a possibility Kennedy hadn’t waited for me, and that thought alone had me wanting to make a U-turn on the way here several times, but I believed she was worth the risk of coming here, and potentially humiliating myself. Either way, I was about to find out.

I pushed the barn door open and pretty much walked into a country music video. They had a live band on a makeshift stage at the far back, with round tables close to the door, decked out in checkered table cloths and bales of hay as chairs. They’d also made a small bar on the left, where mostly men had gathered to drink beer, and ‘shoot the shit’. Right in the center was the dance floor, and it seemed to be the hub for all the chaos going on around me.

A few people spared me a glance, but for the most part everyone else seemed too preoccupied to notice me. I was grateful for that, because these people were about to get really well acquainted with me in about ten minutes.

Beau spotted me from across the room, and moved through the small crowd until he was standing next to me.

“I was starting to think you weren’t gonna make it,” he said, reaching for my hand. I shook it, grateful that I had found an unlikely ally in him.

“I almost turned around a few times,” I replied honestly.

“I’m glad you didn’t,” he chuckled. “You’re my entertainment for the evening.”

I laughed nervously, knowing he was teasing, and anxiously looked around for Kennedy. I didn’t want her to see me yet.

“She’s stepped out with Sarah for a bit,” said Beau. “So if you’re still sure you want to do this here, now’s your chance.”

“Thanks again for letting me come,” I slapped him on the back. “I appreciate your help.”

“Just do right by her, and you, and I won’t have any problems.” I heard the warning undertone, and nodded briskly as I stepped past him.

“Good luck,” he yelled above the music, and I swore I heard him laugh. Fucker. Couldn’t he tell I was already sweating bullets?

The band had just finished playing another song when I reached the stage, and the guy in front of the mic turned to me with a grin. I should’ve known Beau would have told someone I was coming, and exactly what I had planned.

“Alright folks,” the guy said into the mic, “We’re going to take a break, get some beer, and be back in a few minutes.” The crowed hollered as the band stood and left the stage.

This was it.

I was about to make a complete fool of myself, and all to prove to a girl that I was worth taking a chance on.

“It’s now or never lover boy.” I turned and found Beau right behind me, ready to throw me on stage if I didn’t get up there myself. “She just walked in with Sarah.”

I swallowed all my nervousness, and took the two steps leading onto the stage, aware that I had more than a few peoples’ attention. I took the mic in one hand, and tapped it awkwardly before opening my mouth.

“Good evening everybody.”

Crickets.

Shit.

“I don’t mean to interrupt the festivities, but I came here because I have something very important to say, and I’m hoping the person who I need to say it to is listening.”

The crowd remained quiet, and I heard Beau shout, “Get on with it, man. She ain’t gonna wait forever!”

I laughed awkwardly, and that seemed to loosen up the crowd a little. “Okay…” I hesitated, wondering if this was what I should be doing, and then I saw her. She was standing in the middle of the crowd, her hair braided to one side, wearing tight blue jeans, and a red long sleeved Henley shirt with the buttons undone, and a pair of worn cowboy boots. My heart stopped when her green eyes found mine, and I realized I’d have done anything for her – even humiliate myself in a room full of complete strangers.

“There’s this girl,” I started, digging deep for the courage I needed to see this through. “I spent most of life hating her, because I couldn’t have her, and then one night, things changed.”

Someone whistled, causing the crowd to laugh. It was better than being booed off stage.

I removed the mic from the stand, and jumped down the front of the stage. The crowd on the dance floor parted as I made my way towards a stunned Kennedy, and continued speaking.

“I didn’t think I could give this girl what she deserved because there was just too much bad history between us, so I pushed her away out of fear. But it was too late. I’d already fallen in love with her.” The crowed ahhh’ed, and Kennedy lifted a trembling hand to her mouth.

“I made a mistake,” I said, stopping in front of her. “I broke her heart, when I should have told her that instead of filling my world with color, she became my world.” Kennedy gasped, but I continued. “I knew that if I wanted to be the kind of man she deserved I had to find a way to right my wrongs, and show her that I could be enough.”

I reached for her hand, and held it against my chest so that she could feel the frenetic beat of my pulse.

“I asked her to give me time, and said that I’d come to her when I was ready. I’m hoping I’m not too late.”

The crowed had fallen completely still, and it felt like everyone was holding the breaths with me.

Kennedy’s eyes searched mine, and for a split second I questioned my decision to come here and possibly embarrass her. What if there was someone else?

What she’d moved on?

What if…

Her mouth lifted up into a smile, and silenced every doubt, every worry, and every moment of indecision leading up to this.

“Will you tell her you love her, right now, in this room full of people you don’t know?” She asked. I’d missed the sound of her voice, and hearing it again, so sweet and shy made my nerves prickle with hope.

“I love you.” I exhaled the words. “I think I’ve loved you from the first time I saw you. I was just too foolish to see it back then.”

Kennedy threw herself at me, crushing her mouth against mine. I dropped the mic with a thud and the crowd roared with applause. None of that mattered though, not with Kennedy in my arms, pressed up against my body, kissing me like our lives depended on this one moment, this one tiny sliver of time.

“I love you,” she whispered against my lips. “But you could have waited until tomorrow to tell me all this.”

“No,” I smiled and shook my head. “I wanted to give you a big romantic gesture that would make it impossible for you to turn me down.”

“I would never,” she replied. “You’re stuck with me Winters.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way Monroe.”

Kennedy

DANE KISSED HIS way down my neck and I tried to silence my moans. We were both naked and sweaty, and I didn’t want my grandparents – who were only two bedrooms down the hall – to hear us.

Dane swiveled his hips and his piercing – oh God his piercing – rubbed me just right. I sunk my teeth into the strained muscle between his neck and his shoulder, and quivered. He bit my shoulder in turn and quieted his grunt as he came with me.

I’d missed this, and him, so much over the past few weeks, but I was glad we’d had some time apart. A month wasn’t enough time to completely work through our past, but it was just enough to bring us back together so that we could work through the rest. We’d already been through so much, and now I knew that as long as we were side-by-side, we could face anything. I was supposed to be heading back to Brighton tomorrow, and I’d been preparing myself to see Dane again, but I hadn’t been expecting him to show up tonight. When I saw him standing on that stage, pouring his heart in a room full of people he didn’t know, I had to stop myself from running to him. I wanted to wait and see what he had to say, and his words had unraveled me, only to solidify how my heart had come to beat for him.

Dane lifted his head, and pressed his lips against mine. “I missed you,” he whispered. “I thought about calling you every day, but I’m glad I didn’t.”

I smiled, feeling deliriously happy and elated to have him here with me. “Your timing is perfect.” I brushed my hands down his naked back, tracing the lines of his muscles with my fingertips. “You were worth the wait.”

He rolled over, and I moved with him, draping my leg over his, and resting my head in the crook of his neck. My mind drifted, and thoughts of my accident, and the dream I had filtered into my head. I’d never told him about it, but it was always there, lingering, waiting for the right time.

I figured now was the right time. I wanted to tell him what his sister had said.

“I have to tell you something.”

He shifted so that we were face-to-face, his blue eyes far less troubled than the last time I stared into their boundless depths. They grounded me, centered me, like a beacon of bright, endless light reminding me where home really was.

“The night of my accident,” I swallowed, feeling a swarm of butterflies take flight in my belly. “I had a dream about Jewel and Charlie.”

His brows furrowed, and I smoothed his frown with my thumb. “I don’t remember everything, but I remember Jewel asking me to give you a message.”

Dane seemed taken aback by that, but didn’t laugh at me, or tell me it wasn’t possible that I’d seen or spoken to Jewel in a dream.

“She wanted me to tell you she was glad you found your cliché.”

He waited a beat, allowing my words to sink in, and then his mouth turned up into a magnificent smile. He hugged me tighter, like I was about to disappear from his grasp at any moment.

“What did she mean?” I asked gently, afraid that I’d be intruding on whatever memory her message had brought to the forefront of his mind.

He pulled back, and looked at me as he explained, “I used to tease her about the romance books she read, and always told her none of that stuff was real. She’d said that the stories were always clichéd, because it was about a guy who fell for the one girl who drove him crazy. Then one day she said she looked forward to the day I became the cliché.”

That sounded like Jewel.

“And did you? Become the cliché?”

“I did,” he replied. “I fell in love with the girl who drove me crazy most of my life without realizing it. And I’m one lucky sonovabitch because she loves me back, even after I hated her for so long.”

“She hated you too,” I mused, touching his lips wit my fingertips. “But she tripped over that fine line between love and hate, and landed in the arms of the boy who’d been there all along.”

ABOUT THE A UTHOR

TAMSYN IS A 23 year old blogger turned author who has an insatiable hunger for New Adult Contemporary Romance novels, coffee and chocolate. When she’s not getting caught up in yet another steamy romance with a new book boyfriend, she can be found spending endless hours working away on her laptop.

Tamsyn is a Brat when it comes to books and believes that every story, no matter how challenging, should have a Happy Ever After

Visit Tamsyn’s Website

Stalk Tamsyn on Facebook

CONTENTS

Prologue

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Six

Seven

Eight

Nine

Ten

Eleven

Twelve

Thirteen

Fourteen

Fifteen

Sixteen

Seventeen

Eighteen

Nineteen

Twenty

Twenty-One

Twenty-Two

Twenty-Three

Twenty-Four

Twenty-Five

Twenty-Six

Twenty-Seven

Twenty-Eight

Twenty-Nine

Thirty

Thirty-One

Thirty-Two

Thirty-Three

Thirty-Four

Thirty-Five

Thirty-Six

Epilogue

About the Author

Keep reading for a snippet of Blurred Line, a novella for Jade and Reid.

Blurred Lines

~ a Novella ~

by

Tamsyn Bester

Please Note: Blurred Lines is a novella written for the two supporting characters from The Line Between – Jade and Reid. It spans over the period of a few months, as you will notice in the Chapter headings. This novella has been included for the enjoyment of the reader and not necessarily for review purposes.

Prologue

Reid

November

Jade stared at me with her chocolate brown eyes, red and slightly puffy, and I fought the natural inclination to wrap her in my arms. We’d been friends all our lives, and she was always the one constant in my life when everything else seemed uncertain. But for the past few months, the dynamic of our relationship had changed, and it terrified the hell out of me. It went from being playful to sexual, sedate to intense, calm to electrical, and we were both fumbling around in the proverbial dark trying to figure out what it meant for our friendship.

“I want you to kiss me, Reid, like you did the first time weeks ago when you couldn’t fight this,” – she gestured between the two of us – “any more than I could.”

We were standing in her family’s Villa in Barcelona, and she was a mess after her grandmother’s funeral. I’d come with her because I knew how hard it was going to be, and I couldn’t not be here if my girl needed me.

My girl.

I’d been thinking of her that way for a while now, if only in my head.

“Jade, I – ” I hesitated, rubbing my hands down my face. She wasn’t thinking clearly, and I was aware of that, which was why giving into her was a terrible idea. Once I kissed her, I would be tempted to do more, and the last thing I wanted was for her to think I was taking advantage of her vulnerable state. Because that’s exactly what she was.

Vulnerable.

Split wide open.

Showing me everything.

“Please,” she begged softly, the hitch in her voice causing my chest to ache. She was hurting, and I wanted to do what I could to help her through it.

I ran my eyes down her body, and my body reacted the way it always had when I saw her. Something deep inside me stirred, and it was so much more than just lust. It was a fierce need to have her, to claim her…to love her.

And God did I love her.

So much.

But what would happen if I acted on it?

My fear of losing her far outweighed my physical need to be with her, and as far as my emotional need went to tell her how much I cared about her, I wasn’t sure if our friendship would stay the same if I did.

I stepped closer to her, resting my hand on the back of her neck, and pressed our foreheads together.

It was dark outside, but I could see the plea on her face, in her eyes. I wanted to give her the world, but I was waging a war on the inside because what she was asking of me right now, in this rare, unguarded moment was so much more than that.

“If I kiss you,” I breathed, “There’s no going back. We will never be the same, and that scares me.”

“It scares me too,” she replied. “But what scares me more is going to bed in the next room without knowing what this would have felt like. With you.”

The ‘this’ she was referring to was more than a kiss, because we wouldn’t be able to stop there. Neither of us wanted to, but we had to be mindful of how it would impact the twenty years we’d been friends.

It was inconceivable to think that she’d been in my life that long, but our mothers were pregnant together, gave birth to us days apart, and our fathers had been best friends since high school. Her life was inextricably woven with mine, and her presence had always grounded me.

I had a feeling it would all change after tonight.

I wasn’t ready.

We weren’t ready.

But it was bound to happen, the same as the sun was meant to rise, and set every day.

“Are you sure?” I asked. Part of me was hoping she’d realize it was a bad idea, that our friendship wouldn’t last if things changed so drastically, but the other part wanted to know that she wanted this as much as I did.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” she replied.

That confirmation alone made my body hum with anticipation.

I pressed my lips to hers, gentle at first, and then our tongues met, and the rest came as naturally to me as breathing.

Every touch.

Every whimper.

Every inhalation.

Every exhalation.

I breathed her in. Her scent, her sounds, and the way her body bowed when my hands roamed her naked body. It was cool, a light breeze coming through the balcony doors, but the humidity coated her golden skin with a light sheen of sweat and I licked up the salty taste with fervor. Her body opened up for me, welcoming me home and I struggled with my restraint, shaking as I held myself above her.

“Reid,” she sighed, moving her hips and gripping my hard cock inside her. “You don’t have to be gentle. I won’t break.”

No, but I will.

I captured her lips with mine, and started moving. Her body gave itself over to me, as mine did to her, and for that brief, but intense, sliver of time I didn’t worry about where it left our hearts, where it left my heart. I gave in, I surrendered, and when the sun rose the following morning, Jade was nowhere to be found.

I was right.

Things changed after that.

And I knew neither of us would ever recover.

I’d lost my best friend.

Chapter 1

Jade

March

I walked into the apartment that I shared with my closest girlfriend Kennedy, and stifled a sigh when I found her playing tonsil hockey with her boyfriend, Dane. I’d had a rough day, and I wasn’t really in the mood to watch them dry hump on our sofa.

“Hey.”

Kennedy’s head whipped up at the sound of my voice, and she scrambled off Dane’s lap. “Hey. I wasn’t expecting you home so early.”

“Yeah,” I snorted. “I see that.”

Dane ducked his head, and Kennedy muttered “sorry” as her cheeks reddened.

“It’s fine,” I said, walking to my bedroom. “Just put a sock on the door next time so I’m prepared.” I winked to let her I know I was teasing, and tried to squelch the pang of envy that seeing her with Dane brought to the surface. I was happy for her, for them both. After the hell they had been through to find each other, they deserved it. But lately I’d been feeling as though life was taunting me with the things I wanted, but didn’t have. And I was tired of it.

I threw my bag onto the floor, and placed my sketch bag onto my desk. I was in my third year at Brighton University studying a Bachelor of Science in Design, with the hopes of being a fashion designer. I had a knack for drawing, and had been sewing most of my own clothes from the age of sixteen, when my parents bought me my own sewing machine for my birthday.

I loved my classes, but more importantly it was the only thing I felt was going right in my life. I could control the outcome of this one small element of my world, which is exactly what I had been doing since everything had fallen out from under me last November.

I was exhausted, but fortunately it was already spring break, and I was looking forward to having a few days off.

“You okay?” Kennedy asked walking into my room. I sat down on my bed with a tired sigh, and replied, “Fine. Just feeling a little worn out.”

Kennedy smiled, and took a seat beside me. “I know what you mean. I’m so excited for our trip to Cabo. It’s the break we all need.”

Right. We were flying to Cabo in the morning, and I had to tell myself repeatedly that I was just as excited to be spending a few days on the beach. Truthfully speaking, I was kind of dreading it.

“It will be good,” I said, trying – and failing – to sound marginally enthusiastic.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You haven’t been quite like yourself these past few weeks.” I looked up, and wanted to cringe when I saw Kennedy’s expression filled with concern and sympathy.

“I’m good,” I lied. “It’s just been a little hectic, and I really am tired.” That part wasn’t a lie. I was more tired than usual, and I’d been feeling more emotional too. I shrugged it off though, claiming it was hormones, and ‘that time of the month’.

Kennedy let out a breath, and watched me with her knowing green eyes. She knew what had me feeling out of sorts, but I was grateful when she didn’t say it.

“We’re going to dinner tonight, you want to come?” She asked, changing topics.

“Who’s going?”

She bit her lip, nibbling on it nervously. It was one of her tells, and I knew I wasn’t going to like her answer, despite knowing exactly what she was going to say.

“Me and Dane, obviously, and I think Chase, and Ash will be there too. Grady is also going…” her words trailed off, leaving the rest for me to finish. “And Reid, and Stella.”

She looked away from me, and I hated that she felt sorry for me when she had no reason to. Reid was my best friend, but things had changed drastically in the past few months that I wasn’t even sure he was that anymore. He felt more like a stranger these days.

But I suspect that had more to do with his girlfriend and her dislike for me, than him actively staying away from me.

“I think I’m going to chill at home tonight,” I said, standing up. “Maybe watch a movie, or read a book. I could do with an early night.”

I started removing some of my clothes from my closet, and packing them into my suitcase.

“You don’t have to avoid them every time we hang out,” said Kennedy. “I will vagina punch that bitch if she tries anything with you.”

I snickered. “You know I can handle that hobbit just fine. I actually just want to chill out before our trip.”

Going to dinner with Reid and his girlfriend, Stella – aka the Hobbit – was as appealing as getting a pap smear, and something I could avoid. Going to Mexico with them for a week however wasn’t as easy to escape. Kennedy had begged me relentlessly for the month of January and I said yes because I could deal with Reid for that amount of time. But then he became ‘Reid and Stella’, and it was too late for me to pull out. Hence, I couldn’t get out of it.

“What must I tell Reid? You know he’s going to ask about where you are.”

Kennedy was right. We might have drifted apart, but Reid still cared. Much to Stella’s disgruntlement.

“Tell him I’m not feeling well,” I said. It was kind of true, so at least I didn’t have to ask Kennedy to lie. “He’ll see me tomorrow so it shouldn’t be a big deal.”

With a heavy sigh, Kennedy wrapped her arms around me, and rested her head on my shoulder. “I wish I could fix whatever happened between the two of you. I miss the ‘Jade and Reid’ show.”

I felt the familiar ache in my chest, and ignored it the same way I’d been forced to when Reid had started to distance himself. It wasn’t all Stella’s fault though. It was mine too and part of my problem was coping with the guilt it made me feel.

“I don’t think it can be fixed,” – I tried, but only ended up making things worse – “but I’m getting over it. I’m happy if Reid is happy.”

I could tell Kennedy didn’t believe the ‘I’m getting over it’ part, and sadly I didn’t either. He’d been part of my life from the moment we were born, and I felt his absence. Every. Damn. Day. But he’d moved on, and I had to live with it.

“You know he’s not happy, Jade. He misses you. I have no idea what he sees in that girl. She’s nothing but a glorified dancing Hobbit.”

I laughed, picturing a hobbit in a tutu, and rested my head against Kennedy’s. “You only hate her because she’s bff’s with Amy.”

“And because she’s pretty much told Reid he’s to have nothing to do with you, and he actually listens to her.”

Yeah, I didn’t want to talk about them anymore.

I patted Kennedy’s arm, and made an effort to smile at her. “Go and enjoy your dinner, and if you and Dane come back here, make sure you keep the noise down.”

She blushed, and let out a giggle. “I’ll make sure we go to his place if we wanna…you know.”

“Good idea,” I laughed. “Maybe you and Stella can have a screaming competition.”

Kennedy scrunched her nose. “Ew. I don’t want to know what a hobbit sounds like having sex. But I think we’ll come home afterwards anyway, our flight is quite early.”

I nodded, and placed my luggage on the floor at the foot of my bed. “I was just kidding. I’ll probably be passed out cold when you guys get back.”

Kennedy started walking backwards towards my door, and said, “Call me if you need me, okay?”

“I will.”

Kennedy left, and my smile slipped. I was feeling a little raw inside, thinking about Reid and how much I pined for him. There was only one way I could forget about it long enough to expel the feelings burning in my chest.

I took my sketchpad from my desk, and started drawing.

I’D JUST MANAGED to fall asleep when I heard my bedroom door opening. It was just past midnight, and I wondered why Kennedy would be checking in on me at this time. Only it wasn’t Kennedy.

His scent gave him away.

He was wearing the Dolce & Gabanna, Light Blue cologne that I’d bought him for Christmas last year. It was all he seemed to wear and I both loved and hated it.

The bed dipped under his bulky form, and I twisted to switch on my bedside lamp.

“Reid?”

His green eyes were watching me – green eyes that showed nothing, hid everything, and still managed to pierce me to the very depths of my soul.

“What are you doing here?” I asked. I sat up, holding my comforter to my chest like armor.

“Kennedy said you weren’t feeling well,” he replied, rubbing his hands over his rather tired looking face. A face I’d never been able to envision my future without. “I wanted to come make sure you were okay.”

He was wearing dark jeans, with a thick jacket to ward of the winter temperatures, and his favorite black boots. With disheveled blond hair, and a slight scruff on his jaw, he looked every bit the sexy football player he was.

But I couldn’t say that.

His concern came of no surprise, his need to stop by, however, did. “I’m fine.” There was that pesky fucking word again.

Fine.

I was not fine.

I was anything but fun.

I yawned, and covered it with my mouth.

“Does Stella know you’re here?”

Red sighed, and pulled his hands through his hair. He looked frustrated. Exasperated even. “Yeah. We had a fight about it.”

“Of course you did,” I said flatly. “But what I don’t understand is that if you knew coming to check on me would upset her, then why’d you come?”

Hurt flitted across his rugged features, and I looked away. I couldn’t deal with seeing him hurt, not while I was still nursing my own wounds.

“Because you’re my best friend, Jade,” he replied simply.

It was anything but simple.

“Well there’s no need for you to check up on me if your girlfriend doesn’t like it. I don’t want to be the source of anymore conflict between the two of you.”

Reid flinched at my clipped tone and his shoulders slumped in what I could only assume was defeat.

“I don’t care what she says,” he replies quietly. “If I want to check on you then I damn well can, and I will.”

“Is that why you’ve stayed away from me since you started dating her?” I shot back. I wanted to blame him for some of what had happened between us, even though I knew I had no right to.

Our gazes collided, my brown to his green, and I saw his eyes flash with a hint of anger.

“You’re just as guilty, Jade. You won’t even meet my eyes when we’re in the same room.”

“You’re right,” I swallowed. “You’ll have to forgive me for being unable to stomach the sight of you with someone else when it should be me.”

His face fell, matching my own sad expression. “You didn’t want us to be together, and I’m just trying to honor that.”

“By being with Stella.”

“By trying like hell to move on.”

That stung, but I refused to let him see it. I was only allowed to fall apart on the inside, never the outside. “Right.”

The silence, so thick, and cold, cloaked us, and as much as I wanted to hash it all out with him, I knew it was too late for our friendship. I’d done a bang up job of fucking it up by asking him to sleep with me when we were in Barcelona for my grandmothers’ funeral last November, and again when I miraculously fell into his bed again right before finals in December. He’d wanted us to step outside of our friendship, and make it more, but I couldn’t give it to him. I was too afraid of losing our friendship, and in the end I’d lost it anyway. Now he had someone else, and I had no one. But what hurt more than any of that was that I no longer had Reid.