Текст книги "Love's Secret Torment"

Автор книги: Stacy L. Darnell

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Текущая страница: 7 (всего у книги 17 страниц)

After returning home, we finished out the fall semester, and everything seemed to fall into step, until one morning, when I woke to caresses along my spine. Emmett was watching me sleep again. I tried to be still. I didn’t want him to stop. The gentle care he took with me was mesmerizing, and the tingle his hands left behind prickled up the back of my neck.

Then a buzz sounded before the ringtone. I didn’t want to move, but as soon as “Uptown Girl” sprang from the phone in my discarded jeans pocket, I knew Emmett would race to get it before it woke me up.

I shifted and reached to grab it, but he beat me to it. Oh God! I squeezed my eyes closed at the thought of him reading “My Lover” with Alec’s contact picture. I really didn’t want my boyfriend seeing my ex-boyfriend’s face. I’d never had it in me to delete his contact information, or even look at it to change the name. Seeing his picture always threw me into a hard sadness and flashes of pain at that last memory of him. Why was Alec calling me? Why now, when everything with Emmett was so perfect?

“No fucking way this is happening.”

I popped my eyes back open and froze at the pale expression on Emmett’s face. He wasn’t angry. No . . . it was . . . hurt. Utter disappointment and pain.

He turned the phone and showed me the picture.

“I’m so sorry, Emmett. I didn’t think to take his number out of my phone.”

He spiked his fingers through his hair on a heavy exhale. His hurtful expression morphed into resignation. He looked from my phone then across his bedroom at me with an awareness I knew wasn’t good.

“Do you . . . know Alec?”

He nodded, slowly handing me my cell phone as it continued to play Alec’s ringtone. I felt my world crashing in on me.

“Hello?” I answered, my voice hesitant and uncertain. I heard a sigh on the other end of the phone.

“Samone. I wasn’t sure if you would answer.”

“Yeah. I almost didn’t.”

“Well, I’m relieved you did. I want . . . no, wait, I need to see you. To talk to you. Please say you’ll see me. I know I don’t deserve it, that I hurt you. I’m so sorry for that.”

I sat in silence and looked up to Emmett standing at the foot of his bed with a blank stare on his beautiful face.

“I’m sorry, Alec, but I’m with someone now. I’ve . . . I’ve moved on.”

“Samone, please. I need to make this right,” he pleaded. “Just meet me for lunch, or breakfast, or even a quick cup of coffee. Anything.”

“I don’t know, Alec. I mean, I would like to know why you hurt me, but I just don’t think it’s a good idea to see you.”

I cringed as I saw Emmett in my peripheral vision slide down to a sitting position against the wall of his bedroom. I didn’t know what their connection was, but I was filled with dread.

“Please, Samone. Please.”

“You wrecked me! You know that, right?” I hissed.

“I know,” he groaned. “I think about it all the time. You’ll never know how much I regret that, Samone.”

I sighed. “Fine, but just breakfast and you will explain yourself to me.”

“Thank you, baby. I love you.”

“You don’t get to call me that, or say you love me anymore.” I startled when I heard Emmett’s head smack back against the wall. “Just breakfast and your complete honesty. That’s it, Alec.”

“Okay. Sorry. I know. See you at Reveille the day after tomorrow, eight a.m.?”

“Fine. Whatever. Eight a.m.”

I hung up and dropped my phone onto Emmett’s bed. When I looked up I saw he was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall, with his hands at his sides. He wouldn’t look at me.

“Emmett,” I whispered.

He just shook his head and held his hand up.

I wanted to see his eyes. I needed to see them. My throat felt like it was closing up, and my chest was tightening with heartache the longer he hid them from me. “Emmett,” I tried again.

“Just give me a damn minute Sam.”

His clipped tone and use of my name instead of Peach tore at my heart. We sat in a stifling silence for what felt like an eternity.

“Did you know?” he asked.

“Know what?”

“That he was my fucking brother?” he seethed.

His words were like a slap to my face. I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard. Alec and Emmett were brothers.

My stomach roiled and churned, weighed down by a ton of bricks. I nearly threw up as I ran to the bathroom down the hall. I grabbed the toilet seat and dry-heaved into the bowl as my gut twisted with pain.

I sank back onto the cold, tile floor. My mind was spinning as I attempted to rein in my thoughts. Why hadn’t I noticed the striking resemblances? Was this why he’d always felt so comfortable to me? So many things clicked in my head and began to make sense.

Although the subject of exes had come up before, the pain of losing Alec, and what he’d done was so raw, I dismissed the subject immediately whenever Emmett brought it up. I never even referred to Alec by his real name, just referring to him as the asshat. Then the realization he might even consider that I knew they were brothers hit me, and the sting of tears ran from my eyes, burning me with anger and devastation.

I heard his feet shuffle into the bathroom and looked up as he leaned against the doorway. His eyes were as bloodshot as mine felt.

“Sam, I need to know if you knew that Alec was my brother,” he demanded.

“Of course not! What kind of person do you think I am?”

His words cut at me.

“Damn it, I’m sorry! I just don’t know what to fucking think right now!”

He turned around and punched a hole in the hallway wall, then leaned his head against it. He pulled his hand out of the wall and plaster stained with his blood fell to the floor. He walked away, and like a punch to my gut, I heard each step as he descended the stairs. The front door slammed and his car roared to life then sped away.

I stood in Emmett’s room, packing my things into an overnight bag, when I heard the front door open and close hard. My heart pounded as the anticipation of the next moments swirled in my head. I looked up as Emmett walked into the doorway of his room. He leaned against the doorframe, staring at me.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“I’m just packing a few things for the drive back to Atlanta. I’m . . . going to stay with my parents for a few days.”

He huffed a breath. ”And see Alby right?”

I looked at him in confusion.

“Alby . . . it’s what I call him. Stands for his full name, Alec Byron Morris, and he calls me Emjay for Emmett James Walker. It’s just something we did as kids, and it stuck.

“Oh, that explains a lot. Well, yes, I’m going. I need answers. That’s all. He really hurt me, Emmett. I need to know why. I didn’t realize how hurt I still was until I heard his voice. I’m sorry, but I need this closure, and I deserve an explanation.”

“Yeah. I get it. But I don’t fucking like it. I don’t fucking like any of this! I hate that you and my brother were together. But I love you, Peach, and I need you with me. Just promise you’ll come back to me.”

I walked over and pulled his strong body into mine, wrapping my arms around him. I looked up into his eyes.

“Of course I’ll come back to you. Always.”

As he leaned down and kissed the top of my head, a small part of me wondered why I suddenly felt unsure of my answer.

I should have known Alec was too good of a person to leave things the way they were between us. I guess it was better in the long run, rather than running into him at some family gathering, and seeing him face-to-face.

As I drove away from Emmett’s house, I saw him in my rear view mirror, standing in his doorway looking broken and sad. Driving back to Georgia, I was confused and upset. I tapped my phone screen and called the girls, grateful my parents had insisted on the hands-free Bluetooth. I was having a hard enough time driving.

“Sam?” Alison answered.

“Hey,” I murmured.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“Is Tamron with you? Could you put me on speakerphone? I, umm, need to talk to y’all.”

“Yeah, she’s here. Hang on.” She muffled the phone or pulled it away then yelled, “Tamron! Sam’s on the phone, get in here. Something sounds really wrong with her.” Then her voice rang clear once again. “Okay, I’ve got you on speaker and, Tamron’s right here.”

“What’s going on, Sam?” Tamron asked.

“Alec called me,” I whispered.

“What the ever-loving fuck does he think he’s doing?” Tamron yelled.

“Sam, sweetie.” Alison paused. “Don’t worry about it. His guilty conscience is probably finally showing its worthless ass. I hope you told him to get bent.”

I didn’t answer. I couldn’t find the words. They were going to flip when they found out was going on, not to mention what I was doing.

“Sam. Why aren’t you saying anything? Come on. Tell us how you told him to fuck himself. It’ll be therapeutic for all of us.” I cringed at Tamron’s urging.

“Was that a horn honking? Are you in your car? Where are you going? Are you on your way over? Tamron, turn the coffee pot on. No, wait. It’s after four. Grab a bottle of merlot instead. We can celebrate her being able to tell his no-good ass off.”

They were making it hard to think. I took the next exit and pulled into a gas station. After putting my car in park, I leaned my head back against the headrest, and ran my hands down my face.

“I’m not on my way over, Alison. I’m on my way back to Atlanta.”

“What did she say?” Tamron screeched in the background.

“You heard me, Tam, I’m going back to Atlanta. And before you ask, yes, I’m going to see Alec.”

“Sam. Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam. Are you insane? You’re thinking crazy. Just get your ass back to Emmett’s house. He’s your future, not that shameless, heartless prick,” Alison fumed.

The tears streamed down my face. What was I doing? They were right. Emmett was my future. I loved him. I was happy with him. I sighed. “I just need answers. I deserve to know why Alec hurt me.”

“Oh, Sam. We know how bad he hurt you. But sometimes, you just gotta say screw it and don’t look back,” Tamron said.

“You can’t just leave Emmett, sweetie. He loves you, and you love him. How do you think this is making him feel? Y’all are all happy, then the prick calls you, and you just up and leave? Even if it is just for answers, you have to think about how that would make you feel, if it were reversed,” Alison added.

“Oh God, it’s even worse than all of that,” I cried.

“What on earth could even come close to making this situation worse?” Tamron sighed.

My head fell forward into my hands. “They’re brothers. Alec and Emmett. They’re brothers.”

“Oh my God,” they said in unison.

I pulled into my parents’ driveway and put my car in park. I sat there for a few minutes before going inside. I wanted to see Mom and Dad, but I wasn’t sure how they would feel about me coming back to talk to Alec. The abrupt way I’d left after that party had worried them, and even though I never told them how Alec had stomped on my heart, they knew it had gone down badly.

Tamron and Alison didn’t understand. They tried, but their anger at Alec clouded their judgment. Or maybe it was my judgment being clouded by my own broken heart. I went inside and saw Mom and Dad sitting on the couch, cuddled into each other’s arms. Their love always seemed easy and perfect. I suddenly thought of Emmett and felt my smile broaden at our love. That thought, however, was ruined by a flash of him sitting against the wall in his bedroom after I hung up from talking to Alec.

“Hey, Princess,” Dad said.

Mom gasped. “Oh my gosh, sweetheart. We didn’t know you were coming! I would have put a lasagna in the oven and made a streusel.”

“It’s okay. It was a last minute trip. No worries.”

“Well, do you want some coffee? Your mom got one of those fandangled espresso machines.”

I smiled at my dad; he was a regular cup of black coffee—plain, no foo foo stuff type of guy.

“No, thank you. I’m really tired, Dad. If it’s okay, I’m . . . just going to head upstairs, take a shower, and go to bed.”

Dad looked at me with a scrunched brow.

“Okay, Princess,” he muttered hesitantly. “We’ll see you in the morning. I have to be in to the office early, but your mom will be here.”

“Goodnight, sweetheart,” Mom said as she got up to give me a hug and kiss.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Dad asked.

“Yeah. Just tired. We’ll talk in the morning.”

I headed up stairs and into my room. As I stripped my clothes off, I decided I was too exhausted for a shower and would take it in the morning. I dropped onto my bed, falling fast asleep as my head nestled into my pillow.

The next morning I called my boss, Mr. Jackson, and apologized for leaving without any kind of notice. I explained that something had happened and I had to come back home to Georgia. He was as sweet as ever and wished me well, said he would hold my job for me as long as he could. He even said if my stay ended up being longer and I needed a job reference, he would be happy to help me. I made a mental note to send him a thank you card with a couple fancy bookmarks I’d made. I really loved working there.

Alec called to confirm we were still on for breakfast at Reveille Café in the morning. The drive wasn’t far from my parents’ house, so I arrived early and ordered my favorite, white elephant latte, while I waited for Alec to arrive.

I was looking down when I sensed him walk in, and I immediately flashed back to the last time I’d seen him, walking into that bedroom with the slutty skank. My chest tightened, and I felt flushed. I wasn’t sure I could do this.

I couldn’t breathe. I stood with my hand held over my mouth and grabbed my purse to leave. I couldn’t go through with it. This was too hard, too much had happened, and I didn’t think I could handle sitting across from him without losing it.

Before I could step away from the table, his warm hand wrapped around my elbow. He pulled me close, and as much as I wanted to resist, as much as I wanted to fight his hold on me, I couldn’t. His embrace stole what little breath I had left.

“Samone, it’s okay. Please don’t go. Just give me a chance to apologize, a chance to explain,” he pleaded.

Looking up at him, I nodded. It was all I could do. As always in our relationship, I was mesmerized by his intense stare, those crystal blue eyes piercing my heart.

“Okay, Alec, okay,” I murmured.

We sat across from each other in silence. I was anxious and uncomfortable being near him and just wanted to get it over with, so I decided to break the silence.

“Okay, Alec. Let’s talk.”

“Hi.” He smiled. “How are you?”

“Well, I’m here and clearly you can tell this isn’t easy for me, so can we skip the pleasantries and get right into your explanation, please?”

Alec cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, Samone. I’m so sorry. You’ll never know how deeply sorry I am. There isn’t any excuse in the world for what I did at that party, for how badly I hurt you.”

I felt an instant pain in my heart and tightness in my throat as unbidden images of that night flashed through my mind. I must have worn that pain clear as day across my face, because Alec reached across the table and tried to take my hands, but I pulled back as if his touch had burned me, and laid my hands clenched together in my lap. Looking up, I saw pain skitter across his face, as well.

“All I can say right now is, something happened . . . or, changed for me, and I had to break up with you. We just couldn’t be together. I needed time alone to process it all. I know I ignored the multitude of text messages you sent me, but you have to know how each one pierced my heart.”

I let out a sarcastic laugh. “Really? I have to know that, huh? Well, actually no, Alec, I didn’t realize my unanswered texts and ignored phone calls had any effect on you whatsoever. I’ve never been hurt by anyone in my life, as deeply as I was by you.”

“If I’d known you were going to move away and go to Auburn, I can assure you, it would’ve gone down differently.”

“Really? How could you have even expected me to stay here? You put me through hell, Alec! There was no way I could stay and go to Kennesaw State,” my voice shook.

“I was so devastated, I couldn’t even take a steady breath until I crossed over the state line into Alabama.”

“Hurting you that night at Peter’s party was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But that was the only way to make you stop hoping we could get back together.”

I felt like I was going to puke. “It sure didn’t look hard,” I seethed then chuckled as I glared daggers at him. “Well, I’m pretty sure it was hard.”

At the very least, he had the good grace to look ashamed.

“Samone, tell me now, if I hadn’t done that, would you have walked away?” He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. What’s done is done, and I can’t take it back. Believe me, if I could, I would erase all the pain I have caused you. Please, just tell me it’s not too late for us. Please say we can start over.”

I laughed. I tried not to, I really did, but I laughed. “Alec, we can never start over and forget what happened. You broke my heart and shattered my soul. About the only thing we can do is talk about it, so tell me what happened. Why did you feel you had to go to such extremes to hurt me and push me away? Then . . . maybe we can move forward, but we can never start over. What you did will always be a part of our history . . . a part of who we are as friends. But, God help me, a part of me still loves you, and I’m willing to try and forgive you. I just need to know why.”

“I can’t explain everything right now. I’m still sorting some things out, but I was wrong to exclude you. Please, on our love, I beg you, Samone, to let me have the time I need before telling you.”

I’m sure, the look on my face told him I was way more than a little reluctant.

“Please, just one more chance. It’s all I ask, and I know I don’t deserve it, but I love you so much. It hurt every day—every damn minute we were apart—it hurt my heart. I promise to never hurt you again, that I will explain everything as soon as I can. If you’ll let me, if you can try to understand what I am going through, I’ll spend every waking minute showing you how sorry I am.”

I knew I didn’t owe him anything, but my heart longed for an explanation, and a part of me did still love him, just not the way he hoped for. They say your first love always stays in a special place in your heart. Thoughts of Emmett standing in his doorway as I drove away crossed my mind again, and I felt a different kind of pain. Alec must have mistook my sad expression for an answer because he started to get up to leave.

“It’s okay, I see I went too far. I knew it. I’ve lost you,” he said.

I reached across the table and grabbed his hand. “No, Alec, it’s not that. Look, I’ve something important to tell you.”

He looked puzzled. “Okay. What is it?”

“Now, please, don’t react. Just listen until I’m done.”

He motioned for me to continue.

“After the party and you . . . you know, put on your cruel show—”

“Samone, I said I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say, but I’ll say it forever if I have to.”

“No. Just listen. Please don’t interrupt. After the party at Peter’s house, I went to Auburn to spend some time with the girls. They took me to their boyfriends’ frat party, and I met someone, and we’ve been together ever since. Practically live together really.” I took a deep breath as Alec stared intently at me. “His name is Emmett, Alec—Emmett Walker.”

He flinched and yanked his hand away.

“Wait, please. I didn’t know that he was your brother. He didn’t know who I was until you called my cell and your picture popped up on the screen. Your actions crushed me so badly, I could never speak of you. But you need to understand, I’m with Emmett now. We can try to be friends, Alec, but don’t make me wait forever for an explanation. I’m willing to forgive, but I need to know why you did and said the things you did in order to do that.”

His expression transformed from devastation to resignation, as he seemed to accept all I was willing to offer him.

“Okay. Thank you, Samone. You won’t regret it. I promise,” he said.

With all the difficult parts now out in the open, we each ordered a bagel and talked of easier things, like our plans for the upcoming spring semester of college.

It felt remarkably easy to talk to him again. He even mentioned he wanted us to go to our old park where we’d spent so much time under the old oak tree. He said we would talk about everything, and he would answer all my questions. Although it had been a special place for us, I felt it may be easier for him there to talk about whatever issues he had. It was a familiar place where we had shared many deep conversations. We bared our souls beneath the leaves of that tree. I agreed to go, as friends. I just hoped that Emmett would understand.

“I’m not moving back here. I’m staying in Auburn. I like the university there, and Emmett and I have a good thing between us.”

The look of pain that crossed his face was hard to witness, but I forced myself to sit there. He’d caused me more pain than he would ever feel. Truthfully, a small part of me savored the justice of it all. In that fleeting moment, I felt like the villain in our sorted tale.