Текст книги "When I Was Yours"

Автор книги: Samantha Towle

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Текущая страница: 18 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

This is corny as fuck, and I’ll probably get hassle from the neighbors for the noise, but Max was onto something with the song thing.

From the moment we got together, Evie and I were always living on a prayer. It was the right song for us back then, and it’s the right song for us now. Only, we aren’t living on a prayer anymore. And we will make it this time.

Okay, that was weak as shit. But it’s the best I’ve got right now.

I can see Evie sitting up on her rock, her arms wrapped around her legs, her chin resting on her knees, as she stares out at the ocean.

I knew she’d be here. This was our place. It’s still our place.

I set my docking station up, sitting it on the patio railing. I skip through to our song, turn the speakers up loud, and press Play.

The intro starts quietly, and then it’s quickly blasting out.

I see the moment she hears the song because her whole body stiffens. Then, very slowly, she looks over her shoulder in my direction.

I’m already moving across the sand, toward her, my heart beating like a motherfucker.

Her eyes are locked on me as I close the gap between us, but she doesn’t move.

When I reach Evie, her eyes finally leave me, flickering to the beach house and then coming straight back to me. She looks unsure. And she’s been crying. I can see the red around her eyes now.

And in this moment, I promise myself that she will never look this way again, not because of me.

“I’m sorry,” she says softly. “I thought you came to the beach house only on weekends. I’ll go.”

She starts to get up, but I stop her.

“No. Stay there.” I climb up the rock until I’m sitting in front of her.

She’s so fucking beautiful. Even sad, she’s beautiful.

“You haven’t come up here to push me off, have you?” She gives a half-smile.

I know she’s trying to make light of the situation, but I can hear the nerves in her voice. I know she’s scared. I am too. I’m fucking terrified.

“No. I talked to my divorce lawyer. But that’s not why I came. I was already on my way to see you.”

“Okay. But let me say something first, Adam. Well, give you something. I was going to send it with the papers, but I changed my mind, decided to leave it at the beach house for you. Well, put it in the mailbox for you.” She reaches into her bag and pulls out a sheet of paper. It’s folded, frayed on the edges. “The night I left, I was working on this. I never had a chance to finish it because Ava turned up…but I’ve kept it all these years. I’ve been coming here the last few days to finish it off. I always draw better here. And I’ve finished it now, and I wanted to give it to you.”

I take the paper from her hand and open it up.

It’s a drawing of me, standing by a car.

“It was from that night, the night I left. I was always sketching pictures of you. You know that. And I don’t know why…just that night, the image of you standing by that taxi stuck in my head, and I wanted to capture it. Almost like…like I knew I would never see you again.” She blows out a breath, her lip trembling. “And I just…I want you to know, that night I left, I was thinking about you. I was always thinking about you. For the last ten years, you are all I’ve thought about.”

Tears sting my eyes and burn down the back of my throat. Swallowing, I rest the drawing safely in my lap and then look up, meeting her eyes with determination in my own.

“I’m not signing the divorce papers that you sent to my lawyer, Evie. I’m not signing them because I still love you. I’ve loved you from the first moment I saw you sitting up here, and I’ve loved you all the time in between. Every second of every minute of every day for the last eleven years, I have loved you. And I forgive you for not telling me the truth. I understand why you didn’t. Now, I need you to forgive me, too.”

“You’ve done nothing wrong,” she whispers.

A tear runs down her cheek. I catch it falling, taking her face in my hand. I feel her body tremble under my touch.

“Ten years ago I failed you. I didn’t protect you from Ava. I should have. I know how fucking sick and twisted she is. I should have seen it coming, that she wouldn’t just roll over and accept me leaving the studio after we got married. That she would go after you. In the back of my mind, I always thought that maybe she had something to do with you leaving, but I didn’t push hard enough to find out the truth. I’m sorry for that. And…” I hang my head in shame, and my hand drops from her face, feeling like I don’t deserve to touch her in this moment. “I’m so sorry that I was cruel to you the other day when you told me the truth. The things I said…the harsh, horrible things…I didn’t even mean them.”

I feel her hand touch my hair, her fingers running through the strands. It soothes me. Mends the broken parts in me.

Then, her hand moves down my face as I lift my eyes back to hers.

I see her eyes shining with tears. But they don’t look like tears of sadness. I see only happiness in them.

“I love you,” she says. “I don’t care about anything else. The past, the things we’ve said or done to hurt one another—none of it matters now because you’re here. And I love you so very much.”

“God, I love you.” I grab her face in my hands, and I kiss her.

Then, she’s kissing me back.

Our song is still playing in the background, and nothing has ever felt sweeter.

Breaking away from her lips, panting, I press my forehead to hers. “Just promise me one thing.”

“Anything.”

“Don’t ever fucking leave me again.”

“Never,” she promises. “I will never leave you again.”

Today is what would have been our eleventh wedding anniversary. I say would have been because Adam and I are divorced.

Don’t panic. It’s not a bad thing. It’s a good thing, a really good thing.

Getting divorced was our beginning again. And we needed a new beginning.

We were apart for so long that we needed to go back to the start.

Our marriage, in a lot of ways, was the end for us.

We needed new.

Getting divorced and finding us again were new—but Adam has told me in no uncertain terms that I will be Mrs. Gunner again one day.

And honestly, I can’t wait for that day.

But for now, I’m happy. We’re happy.

In the beginning of us starting again, we just dated. We got to know each other again, and it was fun. It’s still fun.

We deserved fun after everything we’d been through.

But this is Adam and me, and just like twelve years ago, when we first met, we were pretty much inseparable from the get-go.

Two months after we got back together, I moved into the beach house with him. If Adam had had his way, it would have been two days. I just hadn’t wanted to rush things even though I really did want to rush things. My restraint deserves an award.

Dad and Casey moved to Malibu with me. It’s only around a thirty-minute drive into UCLA from Malibu, and Casey and Dad were ready to get back to the beach. I didn’t want to be too far away from them, so it’s worked out perfectly. I’d wanted them to move into the beach house with us, and Adam had been fine with that. But Dad had said that Adam and I needed our own space to just be together. He was right. Crazy as it sounds, even though we were married, Adam and I haven’t ever lived together properly.

We had that one week after we got married, but I was bouncing between the beach house and our old apartment.

Now, we’re actually living together, and it’s amazing.

Adam left the studio. He wanted to sign it all over to his Uncle Richard, but Richard wouldn’t let him. He said Adam might not want any part of it now, but that could change in the future.

Richard proposed a fifty-fifty split of the studio with Adam as a silent partner. Adam reluctantly accepted, but I think a part of him still likes having a reason to be in contact with his uncle.

Richard runs the studio day to day, but he brings over things for Adam to sign when necessary, which is often. I’m glad that Adam still has a connection to someone in his family.

Ava, on the other hand…well, she’s no longer a part of the studio, of course. Adam had it in his head to ruin her career. In the beginning, he was hell bent on revenge.

I told him that the best form of revenge is no revenge at all.

Ruining Ava’s career wouldn’t change the things she had done to him. It wouldn’t make him feel better.

I told him that he needed to let Karma have at her.

Surprisingly, he listened. And he just let go of all the anger and bitterness he felt.

I know he’s freer for it.

Me? Well, I’m still waiting for Karma to do her thing. She sure is taking her sweet time.

Ava has stepped away from Hollywood. But only to New York to star in some big prime-time show. Last I heard, there was talk about an Emmy nomination for her performance.

I guess some people really are the kind who fall in the ocean and come up with a gold watch.

But what Ava doesn’t have is love.

She can star in as many films or TV shows as she wants, win as many awards as she can, but one thing Ava will always be is alone.

Adam never will be alone. He has so people who love him—me, Max, Richard, Dad, Casey, and Grady. And that is what counts above anything else.

Speaking of Grady, he and Adam opened a surf school together. It’s called Off The Hook Surf School.

Adam got the qualifications needed to be able to coach surfing. I’ve never seen him happier than when he is working there with Grady.

Grady still has the Shack, and since I’ve been drawing again, he’s started letting me sell some of my drawings there.

I also help out with admin stuff at the Off The Hook. Dad is working there, too. He’s been doing the accounts. He actually started doing them for the Shack, too. It’s good to see him getting back to doing what he enjoys. He can’t do anything too taxing, and it takes him longer to do the accounts than the average person would, but it’s not like there’s a rush, as they’re the only the accounts he does.

And Casey is doing well in school. She’s happy.

Life now is as it should have been ten years ago.

I’m not bitter about losing those ten years. Do I wish that Adam and I had had all that time together? Of course I do. But we didn’t, and it meant Casey was able to get well. It was how it had to be. Both Adam and I have accepted it because we have each other now, and that’s all that matters.

My cell starts to vibrate on the table beside me, pulling my eyes from the view of the ocean.

I see the name on the display, and I instantly feel sick.

I knew this call was coming. I just didn’t expect it to be today.

Knowing I can’t hide from this, I take a deep breath and answer, “Hello?”

“Evie Taylor?”

“Speaking.”

“I’m calling with the test results.”

Another deep breath. “Okay. Go ahead.”

“Positive.”

My breath rushes out of me.

“Miss Taylor?”

“Thank you for letting me know.” I hang my cell up, curling my fingers around it.

My stomach clenches. My mouth dries.

Adam and I are in a good place. We’re settled and happy. We’ve found our happy.

This…I just don’t know. This could change everything, and not for the better.

My fingers immediately go to the necklace hanging around my neck. The necklace that holds my wedding ring. Adam has the same, his wedding ring on a chain around his neck. He wanted us to wear them close to our hearts until the day we’re ready to put them back on our fingers.

But this, now…I just don’t know—

“Hey, babe.”

I turn at the sound of Adam’s voice. He must have just gotten home from the surf school. I didn’t realize the time.

He’s smiling. I guess I’m not because he takes one look at my face, and his smile drops.

“What’s wrong?” He steps through the door, coming out onto the patio, toward me.

“Nothing.” I clear my expression, forcing a smile.

No more lies, Evie. Tell him.

“You’re sure?”

I’m nodding my head before I realize I’m doing it.

Tell him.

His expression clears. “Good, because we need to go.”

“Go?” Then, I immediately remember. “Oh God, yeah, the surprise.”

Adam told me this morning right before he left for work that he had a surprise for me.

“It’s not the surprise. It’s your surprise. And you seriously forgot?” A smile tips up the corner of his lips. “Because I remember you trying to persuade it out of me this morning.”

“I didn’t forget. I just misplaced it for a second. And yes, I’m ready to go.” I get to my feet.

I’m trying not to think of what surprise he’s gotten for me on what would have been our wedding anniversary. He hasn’t mentioned the fact of what today is, and neither have I.

I figure he hasn’t mentioned it because he’s leaving our past behind and focusing on the future.

Adam wraps his arms around my waist and brushes his lips over mine. “Tell me you’re happy.”

He asks me to say this all the time. It’s the reassurance he needs from me. And I will give Adam anything he needs.

But right now, I feel deceitful.

I press my lips together and smile. “I’m happy.”

And I am. I really am. I just don’t know if he’s going to be happy when I tell him what I have to tell him.

I have to tell him.

“Me, too, babe. Now, let’s go ’cause I’m dying to show you your surprise.”

I will tell him. I’ll just do this surprise thing, and then I’ll tell him.

Evie is distracted. She thinks I can’t tell, but I can tell. And it’s making me nervous because I have no clue what’s bothering her.

I want to ask her, but I don’t want to spoil things before I get to give her the surprise I’ve been working on all week.

I’ve bought her a space to sell her drawings in. It’s right by the surf school and just recently became available. Evie can turn it into a gallery and won’t have to sell her drawings out of the Shack anymore.

I know she’ll be pissed that I’m spending money on her, but since she wouldn’t let me give her any in the divorce that she pushed for—yeah, I’ll be rectifying that little issue soon enough because I want her to be my wife again—I’ve taken to buying things for her.

I’ve also taken to doing good things with my money, which equates to mostly giving it away.

I just kept enough to keep Evie and me comfortable. She’s struggled financially all her life, and I don’t want that for her anymore.

And I still get a lot of earnings from the studio, which helps to facilitate the surf school. It’s still in its early days, so it’s not making a lot of money right now.

But aside from setting up the surf school, I’ve given almost all my money away to charity. I gave the money to people who needed it a lot more than I do. Mostly kids who got the shit end of the stick in life.

I know money doesn’t fix everything. I grew up with it in abundance, and my life was still shit.

Love is what kids need. But I can’t love every kid in the world.

I can, however, give them a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs, and food in their bellies. So, that’s what I’ve done.

And I feel fucking good about it.

Doing things for others makes me feel great, especially doing things for Evie.

I pull up outside the shop and turn off the engine.

I feel her looking at me. Giving her a big smile, I climb out of the car, meeting her on the other side.

Taking her hand, I walk her to the door.

“What’s this?” she asks.

“It’s yours.” I open the door, walking inside. “You need somewhere to sell your drawings. This came up a week ago, so I bought it. It needs a bit of a cleanup, and some paint on the walls, but I think it’s a great spot for you to sell your work, and the bonus is you’ll be close by me all day long. I know we’re not married in the technical sense anymore, but to me, Evie, you will always be my wife, so it’s also an anniversary present.”

She’s staring at me, her eyes look a little glassy. Then, she glances around the store. Her eyes come back to me, and then out of nowhere, she bursts into tears.

“Hey.” I go straight over to her, taking her in my arms. “What’s wrong? Is this too much?”

“No. It’s amazing. It’s all amazing. Perfect. You’re perfect.” She pulls back, wiping her face with her hands. “Everything is just so perfect. And I didn’t get you anything because I didn’t know you were going to buy me something so huge. And I have something to tell you, and I’m scared that I’m going to ruin everything.”

My heart pauses. “Ruin everything? How?” My voice is tight. I can’t help it. After everything I’ve been through with Evie, it would be strange if I wasn’t tense right now.

She stares at my face. Her lips tremble, and she presses them together.

I know she does that when she’s holding something in, something she’s afraid to tell me.

My heart starts back up, beating in double time. “Evie, just fucking tell me because you’re really scaring me right now.”

“I’m pregnant.”

Everything stops for me. I can’t breathe. I can’t think. All I can hear are those words.

Her words.

“I’m pregnant.”

Evie’s pregnant. She is carrying my baby inside of her.

“I missed my period,” she starts to babble. “I was too afraid to take a home test, so I went to the doctor yesterday, and they took blood to do a test. I didn’t expect to hear for a few days, so I was forcing myself not to think about it, but they just called right before you got home, and they confirmed it. You had this surprise, and I didn’t want to spoil it for you. Fuck, I’m spoiling it.” Her voice shaking, she pushes her hands through her hair, stepping back. “We’re divorced, and we’ve only been back together for a year, so I understand if this is too much too soon, and I can—”

“Don’t finish that sentence.” I take her face in my hands.

Tears are swimming in her eyes, and I can feel tears filling my own. I know that might make me a pussy, but right now, I don’t care.

“Nothing has ever been too much too soon with you.” I brush my thumbs over her cheeks, tracing her tears. “You’re really pregnant?” My voice is suddenly hoarse.

Blinking, she gives a tentative, watery smile. “Yes, I’m really pregnant.”

I kiss her, hard. Then, I pull her into my arms, hugging her tight.

“Can’t breathe.” She laughs, softly.

I release my hold on her. Stepping back a touch, I press my hand to her stomach.

“My baby is really in there?” I can hardly believe it.

She nods her head, gently. “Yeah, it’s really in there.”

I drop to my knees in front of her. My face level with her stomach, I hold my hands on her hips, speaking to her belly…speaking to our baby…my baby, “Hey, if you can hear me in there, I’m making you a promise right now. I promise to be the best daddy ever. I promise to be there for every single moment in your life. Your first word. First step. I will be at every school play, every baseball game—”

“What if it’s a girl?” Evie brushes her hand through my hair.

I glance up at her. “Then, I’ll drive her to every ballet class and be there for every single show she does.” Looking back to her stomach, I press my lips to it. “Whatever you are, whoever you choose to be, whatever you want to do…just know that I’ll be there. And there will never be one second of your life that you don’t know that I love you.”

I hear a sob come from Evie, causing me to look up at her again.

She comes down to her knees, facing me. Tears are soaking her cheeks. “God, I love you, Adam Gunner.”

“And I love you, Evie Taylor. I’ve loved you since I was eighteen years old, I will love you till the day I die, and I’ll keep on loving you after that.”

Sliding my hands around her neck, I undo the clasp on her necklace and hold her wedding ring between my thumb and finger. “I think it’s time for me to put this back on your finger. What do you say?”

She reaches out and removes my own chain from around my neck, holding my wedding ring in the palm of her hand. She looks at me, smiles and says, “I say, yes.”

I’m half-asleep while writing this. This is what I get for doing it at the deadline, so I’m going to keep this really brief and just say a big thank you to all the usual suspects—my husband, Craig, and my children, Riley and Isabella.

Trishy, Sali, Christine, Jovana, and Naj—You are all amazing in your own unique, beautiful ways. I heart you all to the moon and back.

Of course, thank you to my agent, Lauren, who continues to put up with me constantly changing my mind without a word of complaint.

Also, a huge thank you goes to all the bloggers who tirelessly help to promote and get the word out about my books.

And lastly, my readers—Thank you for continuing on this amazing journey with me.

See? I told you it would be brief. ;)

Until next time…