Текст книги "When I Was Yours"

Автор книги: Samantha Towle

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Текущая страница: 11 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

“No, we shouldn’t have. Then again, we shouldn’t have gotten married, and we did. We’re not exactly known for our good decisions, Evie.”

Pain lances across her face, her eyes instantly filling with tears.

And I feel like shit.

I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean it. I let my anger get the better of me.

Her throat works on a swallow. She blinks, and a tear runs down her cheek.

Fuck.

But didn’t I want to hurt her? Hasn’t some part of me wanted to hurt her the way she hurt me from the moment I saw her standing there in the coffee shop?

But seeing her like this, crying, in pain…it doesn’t make me feel good. It didn’t before I fucked her, and it sure as shit doesn’t now. If anything, I just feel worse.

“Evie—” I start.

But she cuts me off, “It’s fine.” She forces a bright smile. Drying her face with her hands, she pushes her feet into her flip-flops. “You’re right. We’re not known for our good decisions, especially when it comes to us.”

She reaches for the lock on the door, clicking it open.

“Evie…wait.” I take a step toward her. She turns back to me, and something that looks a lot like hope lights her eyes.

What am I going to do? Say?

Ask her to stay? For what reason, other than another fuck?

Or do I ask her where it all went wrong for us?

What would be the point? I already know the answer.

It went wrong for us the day she decided to disappear and pretend like we never happened.

So, what do I say?

The only thing I can.

“I’m sorry.”

The light in her eyes dims, and she releases a sorrowful breath. “Yeah, I’m sorry, too.” Then, she opens the door, and she’s gone.

Again.

I’m nervous. And I’m not nervous often. But right now, I am seriously fucking nervous.

It’s Evie’s birthday. She’s turning eighteen today. And what that means for us is sex.

Evie told me a few weeks ago that she was finally ready, that she wanted to have sex.

Gotta say, I nearly came on the spot when the words left her mouth.

But then I thought about it. I knew her birthday was coming up soon, and I wanted this to be special for her. So, after talking it through, we both agreed for it to happen on her birthday.

She’s in the bathroom, changing right now—or I’m guessing preparing for it, as women do. I don’t know why. She was perfect as she was, but she insisted on getting changed, said she had a surprise for me.

I should be jumping for joy right now. I mean, my hot girlfriend, whom I’m crazy in love with, is in the bathroom, getting ready to have sex with me.

And I’m a nineteen-year-old guy who’s been sexually active since he was fourteen, having sex on a regular basis for all those years, and I haven’t had sex since I met Evie eight months ago.

I waited for her because she’s all I want.

But now, it’s finally going to happen, and I’m scared shitless that I’m going to somehow fuck it up for her.

Taking a girl’s virginity is a big thing. Taking Evie’s virginity, because of how much I love her, makes that big thing huge.

And the thought of hurting her…

Jesus, I don’t know if I can do this.

It’s going to hurt her. I know that. I just wish there were some way I could stop that from happening.

I get up from the bed where I’m sitting and put a CD on. Semisonic’s “Secret Smile” starts to play softly out of the speakers.

I turn to the window, looking out at the darkness.

I took Evie out for dinner earlier to celebrate her birthday. She insisted we come straight back here afterward. She didn’t want to wait any longer.

Seriously, if Evie had her way, we’d have skipped dinner altogether and spent the night in here.

But I wanted to do this right. I want this to be perfect for her and for me.

She deserves everything, especially considering how hard things are for her and with Casey being sick.

Once Casey was transferred to UCLA Medical Center, they did more tests on her, and Evie’s worst fear was realized. The tumor was cancerous, and it was more aggressive.

Casey had surgery right after Christmas to remove the tumor.

The morning Casey went in for surgery was a hard day for both Evie and Mick.

I know they’ve been through it once before, but I think this time was even harder. Evie put on a brave face, but I could tell she was so afraid. I know her inside out. And I wanted to help her, make her feel better, but all I could do was be there for her, so I that was what I did. I stayed there with them until Casey came out of surgery.

Once Evie knew Casey had come out of surgery okay and that they’d managed to remove a large part of the tumor, she allowed herself to shed a few tears.

But we still have a long road ahead with Casey undergoing chemotherapy at the moment.

I know the hospital bills are racking up, and Evie is working as many hours as she can while still going to school.

I just wish she would let me help her financially.

I considered just going to Mick and offering him the money, but when I said that to Max, he said it wouldn’t be a good idea. Evie might feel like I had gone behind her back.

So, I didn’t do it.

All I can do for her is try to make her happy, and I want to give her the best birthday I can.

I glance over at the easel and pencil set I bought her for her birthday. I set it up in the corner over by the other window, so she can come up here and sketch whenever she wants.

I can’t wait to sit and watch her sketch on it. Seriously, there is nothing hotter than watching Evie draw.

“I love this song.”

I turn at the sound of Evie’s voice.

Holy fuck.

Actually, I take that back. There is nothing hotter than the way Evie looks right now.

She’s wearing a pale pink nightgown that stops just a few inches down her thighs. A silky-looking bow that I can’t wait to untie sits below her tits. And the material covering those beauties is lace. I can see her nipples poking through.

She is the hottest thing I have ever seen.

I’ve seen Evie in a bikini before. I’ve seen her naked when we fool around, which is often. But this, her, now—holy fucking shit.

She looks stunning.

I clear my throat. “I know. That’s why I put it on. I really like your nightgown by the way.”

“It’s a baby-doll nightie,” she corrects me with a smile.

“Well, I really fucking like your baby-doll nightie.” I grin as I start to walk toward her, a prowl in my step, even though my insides are trembling like mad.

Evie looks so much more confident than I feel.

You’d think I was the virgin out of the two of us with the way I’m behaving.

Reaching her, I link my fingers with hers, and that’s when I feel the tremble in her hand.

“Babe, we don’t have to do this tonight.” I tuck her hair behind her ear with my free hand.

“No, I don’t want to wait anymore. I want this with you—tonight.” Her voice sounds so sure, but I can feel the nerves in her body.

“I want this, too,” I tell her. I dip my head and softly kiss her just once.

I lead her by the hand over to my bed, stopping when we’re beside it.

“You have a lot of clothes on,” she says, fingers tugging on my shirt button.

“I didn’t know you’d be wearing so little,” I tease, grinning.

“Do you like it? I bought it especially for tonight…for you.”

Staring into her eyes, I say, “I like it a lot.”

She smiles at me, and it punches me straight in the chest, like all of her smiles do.

She reaches up on her tiptoes and kisses me. Her fingers thread into my hair as I take over the kiss, tilting her head back with my hands, I part her lips with mine. I slip my tongue into her mouth, and she moans softly.

The sound travels straight to my cock.

Her hands move from my hair to my shirt, and she starts unbuttoning it. My hands slip under her nightie to her ass, and I find it bare.

I break from the kiss. I lift the material, peeking over her shoulder and down at her ass.

“No panties?” I grin, looking back to her face.

Her cheeks redden a little. Then, she shrugs and says, “I didn’t see the point.”

That’s my girl.

“God, I fucking love you.” I grab a handful of her hair and take her mouth again.

She undoes the last of the buttons on my shirt and pushes it off my shoulders.

I have to let her go for a second to get it off, and the fucking cuffs get stuck on my wrists. I toss it to the floor, and my hands are straight back on her, touching her soft skin.

I start to kiss her neck. It’s Evie’s sensitive place. All I have to do is run my tongue over the skin just beneath her ear, and she’s crying out, hips pressing into mine.

I lick my way up her neck, to the sensitive spot, and she turns to putty in my hands.

“I want you now,” she moans, her hands going for my pants.

I stop her because I don’t want to rush this.

It’s her first time. I want it to be one she’ll always remember.

“Not yet.” I kiss her mouth again.

Then, I lift her and lay her down on my bed. I climb up between her legs before lying on her. I support my weight on my elbows, so I don’t crush her. Then, I take her sweet mouth in a kiss again.

Her legs come up, wrapping around me, pressing her sweet pussy against my bare stomach. She’s hot to the touch and so fucking wet.

I slide my hand along her thigh. Gripping her hip, I kiss down her neck, loving the way she squirms against me, and I pull down one strap, revealing her breast to me.

I take her already hard nipple into my mouth, laving it with my tongue. My hand leaves her thigh, pulling the final strap down, exposing her other breast to me, and I pay that one the same attention.

“Adam, God, that feels so good,” she moans.

Lifting up, I stare down at her.

She looks so beautiful, and she’s all mine.

“Even though I like this nightie, babe, I like you naked a hell of a lot more.” I start to pull it down her body.

She loosens her legs from around me and lifts her hips, allowing me to remove the nightie.

Once it’s gone, I lie back between her legs, and I start kissing her again.

“So, how are we going to do this?” she asks me between kisses.

I know she’s nervous. Hell, I am.

“Really well, I hope.” I chuckle.

She playfully swats my back.

“I mean, what do we do? Do we just get right to it, or…I don’t know.”

I run my thumb over her lower lip as I talk to her, “I’m going to make you come first, help loosen you up. You’re going to be tight, babe, and I want to make this as painless as possible.”

“It’s going to hurt, Adam. There’s nothing you can do about that.” She cups my cheek with her hand.

“I know. But if I can help make it hurt a little less than I will. So, I’m gonna make you come with my mouth.” I press a kiss to her lips. “And then I might make you come again.”

“Twice?” she says, her pupils dilating.

“Yeah, twice. The more orgasms, the better. You probably won’t come the first time we actually have sex.”

“Wow, you’re really not selling this sex stuff to me,” she teases. “Also, you seem pretty knowledgeable about taking a girl’s virginity. Just how many virginities have you taken?” She’s smiling, but I can hear the hint of worry in her voice.

“None. You’re my first—in so many more ways than just this.” I give her another soft kiss. “I love you, Evie.”

Her fingers curl around the back of my neck. “I love you, too.” She brings my mouth back to hers, kissing me.

The kiss quickly turns into more.

Then, I’m moving down her body, taking her pussy with my mouth, licking her and fucking her with my finger, just like I know she loves.

When she blows apart, I climb up her body, lying beside her. Keeping my finger inside her, I kiss her mouth. She returns the kiss hungrily. I push another finger inside her and start moving them in and out again. My thumb moves up to her clit.

She grabs my arm, her thighs pressing together. “I don’t think I can come again so soon.”

“You can.” I slide my leg between hers, pushing them apart. “Let me make you come again.” I run my tongue over her lips.

I know I have her when she relaxes, and her legs drop open.

I start massaging her clit again while moving my fingers in and out.

She moans, her fingernails scratching down my arm.

My cock is solid. I could pound nails he’s that hard. Trying to get some relief, I press my dick against her hip.

Her hand finds me. She opens the button on my jeans and slips her hand inside my boxers. Her hand curls around my cock, and I groan with the relief of her touch.

I keep working her with my fingers while she works me with hers.

“Jesus, Adam, I’m…I’m gonna come again.”

I pump my fingers faster, rubbing her clit harder.

Then, she’s tensing and crying out my name in release.

Nothing sounds better than hearing Evie say my name when she comes.

I kiss her lips, her cheeks, her eyelids while she comes down.

Her hand is still around my cock but unmoving.

She blinks open her eyes at me. “Wow,” she says.

“Yeah. And it’s only going to get better.” I give her a wink.

That earns me a smile.

Every single time Evie smiles at me, I feel like I’ve won something incredibly precious.

Lying on my back, I lift my ass up and push my jeans down, taking my boxers off at the same time.

Then, I turn back to her. She runs her fingernails down my chest, and it makes me shiver.

I reach over to my nightstand and grab the new pack of condoms I bought. I rip it open and get one out, keeping it in my hand.

Then, I come back to Evie, who’s staring at me. I can see the nervousness in her eyes.

“Are you really sure you want to do this?” I check.

She lifts a hand to my face, and runs her fingers over my scruff. “I’m sure. I want this with you. I want to feel you inside me.”

That’s my undoing.

I think I’ve shown pretty amazing restraint up until this point, but there’s only so much a man can take.

Sitting back on my knees, I tear the condom open with my teeth and roll it on.

Evie watches me the whole time, her eyes unreadable.

Then, I move back between her legs.

I frame her face with my hands. “I love you,” I tell her.

“I know. I love you, too.” She brushes her lips over mine. “Now, stop delaying, and fuck me already.”

A laugh escapes me. “God, you’re such a romantic, babe. What ever happened to making love?”

“Making love, fucking—whatever you want to call it, I just want it to happen. I don’t want to wait any longer.” Her hands grip my ass, nails digging in, as she lifts her mouth back to mine. “Make love to me, Adam.”

I close my eyes on a groan. I kiss her deeply.

Lifting up on one arm, I take my cock in my other hand and run it up and down her pussy. Then, finally, I center my cock on her entrance.

“Ready?”

“I’m ready,” she breathes. Her hands slide up my back, holding on.

She squeezes her eyes shut.

“Eyes open, Evie. I want you with me the whole time.”

She opens her eyes, gritting her jaw.

I slowly press my hips forward, my eyes locked on hers.

I watch as they widen while the tip of me slips in.

“Okay?” I check, panting. I’m breathing heavy. This self-control is a motherfucker, and it’s really taking it out of me.

“Mmhmm.” Her lips are pressed tightly together.

“Try to relax, babe.” I can feel her muscles locked up around the head of my cock.

I kiss her again. Hand cupping her breast, I stroke my thumb over her nipple. “You gotta relax and open up, so I can get in.”

I feel her start to relax beneath me, so I push in a little more, getting halfway, and then I pull back out to the tip.

“You didn’t go all the way in,” she says.

“I’m trying to take it easy. I push all the way in, and it’s gonna hurt you.”

“It’s going to hurt either way. Just do it quick, like ripping off a Band-Aid.”

“I don’t know…”

“Please, Adam. I just want this part to be over with, so we can get to the part where it feels good.”

I don’t know if that part will come for her this time, but I’ll do my best to make it feel as good as I can for her.

“Okay.”

I never can say no to what she asks of me.

I ease in a little, going halfway again, and then I pull back out and slam home.

“Ah!” she cries out, her head pressing back into the pillow, her back arching.

“Evie? Fuck, are you okay?”

I cradle her face, seeing tears in the corners of her eyes. “Jesus, I knew I shouldn’t have done that.”

“No, I’m fine,” she pants. “It just hurt a little, but it’s gone now. Don’t stop. Please don’t stop.”

I should, but after hearing her begging me to continue, my own need takes over. I start moving, going as slow as I can.

It’s hard to keep a slow place because, fuck, she feels so good, so fucking incredibly tight. I’ve never felt anything like it.

But it’s not just that. It’s her. What’s uniquely her is making me feel so good.

As I move, she starts to relax. Her legs come up around my back. Her hands sliding up into my hair, she lifts her head to mine, kissing me.

With the feel of her tongue in my mouth, her legs wrapped around me, I can’t hold back any longer. I start moving faster, pumping my cock in and out of her.

She moans into my mouth, and the sound undoes me.

“Fuck, Jesus, Evie, I’m gonna…come.”

My vision blurs as the first hot spurt of my come shoots out of my cock. Then, I’m coming fast and hard inside her body for the first time. And nothing has ever felt better.

My head falls onto her shoulder. Her arms wrap around my neck.

I press a kiss to her soft skin as she starts to thread her fingers through my hair.

Lifting my head, I look at her. Fuck, she looks beautiful. Her face is all flushed, her lips are swollen from my kisses, and her hair is all mussed up.

She’s perfect. And she’s mine.

“You didn’t come,” I say.

I knew she probably wouldn’t, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want her to.

“I know, but we knew it was likely that I wouldn’t. But you came. Inside of me.” She has a big smile on her face.

“You look pretty happy about that fact.”

“I am. No more virgin Evie, which means we can have sex whenever we want now.”

I let out a low chuckle. “Sounds fucking awesome to me. Let me just clean up.” I give her a quick kiss and then carefully pull out of her.

She winces.

“You okay?”

“Just a little sore. Is that blood?” Her wide eyes are staring at my condom-covered cock, which has little speckles of blood mixed in with her juices.

“Yeah, it’s yours from…you know.” I gesture to her pussy.

She lets out a groan, covering her face with her hands. “Oh God, that’s so embarrassing.”

“Nothing to be embarrassed about, babe. It’s natural and kinda hot.”

She slides her hands from her face, and I give her a wink before going into the bathroom.

I dispose of the condom and clean up. Then, I get a washcloth and rinse it up with warm water. I take it back out to Evie. I sit on the bed beside her and press the cloth between her legs.

“What are you doing?” she asks.

“Cleaning up my girl.” I kiss the tip of her nose.

When I’m done, I take the washcloth back to the bathroom and then head straight back to Evie.

Grabbing the blanket from the bottom of the bed, I climb up next to her, cover us both with the blanket, and wrap her up in my arms.

“That was all kinds of amazing,” she says, looking up at me.

I shimmy down, so we’re face-to-face. “Yeah, it was. Really amazing.”

She starts running her fingers through the scruff on my chin. I love it when she does that.

“So, can we do it again?”

A laugh escapes me. “When? Now?” I say at her expression.

She gives me a smile that says yes.

“But aren’t you sore?”

“A little, but it’s not bad.” She runs the tip of her finger over my lips, tickling me.

Capturing her finger, I run my teeth over my lips, alleviating the itch. Then, I graze my teeth over the pad of her finger, and she shivers.

“Well, if you’re really sure you want to, then give me ten minutes, and I should be good to go again.”

She slides a hand between us and wraps it around my cock.

He pays attention immediately, and she raises a brow at his sudden growth.

My girl is awesome. Am I the luckiest bastard in the world, or what?

“Okay, maybe not ten minutes. More like two.” I grin.

She laughs as I roll her onto her back, taking the sound in my mouth as I kiss her, and I slip my hand between her legs, getting her ready for round two.

Since that day in Adam’s office, the one where I went to yell at him about the divorce settlement and ended up having sex with him before he was harsh and cold toward me—not that I didn’t deserve it, but just maybe not at that moment—yeah, that day…well, we’ve been going at it regularly since then.

Meaning, we’ve been having sex at any given opportunity. It’s been happening for nearly two weeks now.

Don’t ask me what it means or what’s going on because I have no clue. We don’t talk. We just fuck.

And I’m afraid to ask him in case I don’t get the answer I want.

When I left his office, I was hurting from his words, but I couldn’t think of anything else but him. I couldn’t get his smell or taste off me, and I didn’t want to.

I’d missed him for ten long years, and I wasn’t ready to let go. And as it turned out, he felt the same—well, that, or he just really likes fucking me.

Probably the latter.

The next night, he turned up at the café, right at the end of my shift. It was almost like he knew what time I would be finishing.

He stood there in the doorway. He didn’t have to say anything. I was pretty sure I knew why he was there.

But he said, “That he wanted to talk.”

I said, “Okay.”

I locked up the coffee shop and followed him back to his bungalow in silence the whole way. My stomach was churning with nervous excitement, my heart racing.

He opened the door, letting me inside his place.

The moment it shut, I was pushed back up against it, and his mouth was on mine.

Our clothes were gone soon after. I was on his bed with his head between my legs, and I was crying out his name. Then, he was inside me, screwing me like it had been too long since the last time.

When it was over, we both lay there, on separate sides of the bed, staring at the ceiling.

Then, Adam got up and went into the bathroom. When I heard the shower go on, I took that as my cue to leave.

So, I dressed quickly and left.

And we’ve been doing the same thing every night since. Adam turns up at the end of my shift, and then I follow him back to his bungalow where we go at it for a few hours. Then, he gets up and showers, and I leave.

There was one night when he didn’t turn up. My stomach churned, and I felt sick. I felt like I’d lost him all over again even though, in truth, I hadn’t really gotten him back.

So, I went to his bungalow and knocked on his door.

He didn’t answer, so I left.

And like the idiot I am, I cried myself to sleep that night, thinking about where he was and what he was doing—or whom he was doing.

I didn’t see Adam for two nights. It was a long weekend.

Then, on Sunday morning, I remembered him telling me that he only stayed at the hotel during the week.

I felt marginally better.

All day on Monday, I waited, feeling like I was holding my breath, and I didn’t exhale until I saw him standing there in the doorway, looking like the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.

Now, it’s been three more days of the same. I’m currently lying in his bed, staring at him, and he’s looking right back at me.

I haven’t left yet.

But I know I’ll have to go soon. I always go right after he gets up.

“Come to Malibu with me this weekend.”

I freeze. Is he…is he asking me to spend the weekend with him? In Malibu…where we met. Does this mean—

“Grady’s been asking to see you.”

Oh.

“Grady? You still talk to him?”

“Yeah. I surf with him every weekend. Max usually comes, too. Grady and I got close after ”—he looks away—“you left.”

A pain pierces my chest. I feel like I’m bleeding out.

“So, you’re asking me to come to Malibu with you because Grady wants to see me?”

His eyes come back to mine. “What other reason would I ask for?”

None, clearly. “Will Max be coming?”

It’s not that I don’t like Max because I do. I think he’s great. But I’m guessing he doesn’t like me so much anymore after I broke his best friend’s heart.

“No. He’s got other plans this weekend.”

“Oh, okay.” I sit up, resting against the headboard. “So, will I need a hotel room?”

I don’t want to be presumptuous and think we’ll be staying anywhere together.

“No, I have a place. You can stay in the spare room.”

Okay.

“Great. Thank you. It’ll be good to see Grady again.”

Come on, Evie. Sure you want to see Grady, but really, this is about you doing anything you can to spend time with Adam, outside of the bedroom.

Not that he said we’d be spending time together. He might just leave me to spend time alone with Grady and let me sleep in his spare room because he’s a good guy.

Adam gets up from the bed, heading toward the bathroom, like usual.

I slip my legs over the side of the bed, covering myself with the sheet, preparing to go.

“And, Evie”—he stops in the bathroom doorway, turning back to me, his hand resting on the frame—“me asking you to go to Malibu doesn’t have anything to do with you and me—not that there is a you and me. Going to Malibu is not some romantic getaway where we get to relive our past and pretend things are okay. Because they’re not okay. I’ve only asked you because Grady’s been bugging my ass about seeing you since he found out you were back. Is that clear?”

Crystal.

His words are like a knife in the chest. This isn’t something I didn’t already think. But I had hoped…I don’t know what I hoped. He doesn’t feel what he used to for me that is obvious enough. I killed those feelings years ago. I know he’s just fucking me. But still…it hurts like a bitch. I have to fight the tears from entering my eyes.

“It’s clear. But I didn’t think there was anything more to it than going to see Grady.”

“Oh. Well, good then.” He turns abruptly and disappears into the bathroom without another word.

And that’s me dismissed.

Taking a deep breath, I pick up my discarded clothes from the floor just as I hear the shower turn on.

As stupid as it sounds, I hate that he showers immediately after having sex with me. It’s like he can’t wait to get the smell of me off of him.

When we were younger, Adam always said he liked the smell of me after sex. He liked it even more when I smelled like him.

And when he did shower after sex, it was always with me, and he’d end up dirtying us both back up again once we were in there.

But we’re not kids anymore.

We’re not the same people we were back then. Everything is different, and that’s because of me.

And after Adam’s little speech, I know for definite that the only thing he wants from me is sex.

I was just fooling myself, thinking maybe he could at some point want more. But why would he? I hurt him in the worst possible way.

I dress quickly, so I won’t be here when he gets out of the shower. I have a feeling he wouldn’t like it very much if I were still here.

I slip my feet into my shoes and grab my bag. Then, I let myself out of his bungalow.

I walk the short distance to my car, which is in the staff parking lot.

When I reach it, I get in my car and turn the engine on.

“Here With Me” by The Killers is playing on the radio with Brandon Flowers lamenting about a lost love that he wants back.

I feel a pinch in my chest and then a sting of tears in my eyes so fierce that I can’t fight them.

Grasping ahold of the steering wheel, I drop my head against it, and I cry.

I cry for the choice I had to make all those years ago. I cry for not really having a choice.

Back then, I thought giving up Adam would be the hardest thing I would ever have to do in my life.

Now, I’m not sure.

Because this here right now, having him but not really having him, is far more painful than anything I’ve ever felt. And I’ve felt a lot of pain.

Back then, at least I could cling on to the hope that some part of him still loved me, that I wasn’t alone in my feelings.

But whatever Adam did feel for me died a long time ago, and I am more alone now than I was in those ten years without him.

There is nothing worse than loving someone when they don’t love you back, especially when you have only yourself to blame for it.

The song ends.

I dry my face with a tissue, take a deep breath, and turn the radio off. I put my car in drive, and I stay the whole journey home in complete silence.