Текст книги "When I Was Yours"

Автор книги: Samantha Towle

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Текущая страница: 6 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

“Evie.”

The sound of Adam’s deep voice behind me has the hair on the back of my neck standing on end.

Slowly turning around from the coffee machine I was cleaning, I face him.

He looks just as imposing in here as the last time I saw him, but at least he doesn’t look like he’s here to yell at me again. Well, that’s what I’m hoping.

Honestly, I’m surprised to see him here. I haven’t seen him since our talk a week ago. I know he’s been avoiding me. I thought I was the last person on earth that he would want to see right now.

But here he is.

Also, I was pretty sure I’d locked the door when I turned the Closed sign. Apparently not.

“We’re closed,” I say. I don’t know why I said that…unless he is actually here for coffee.

“Yeah, I got that from the Closed sign.” A small smile touches the corner of his lips.

A warm glow erupts in my chest. God, I’ve missed his smile.

“I’m not here for coffee.”

“What are you here for?” I put the cloth in my hand down on the counter.

“We need to talk.”

“About?” I’m probably being a little stern. I just don’t want a rehash of the other day. I know I deserve it, deserve whatever he has to fire at me, but I’ve only just recovered from our last encounter.

Well, recovered might be overstating it, but last night was the first night since our talk that I didn’t cry myself to sleep. I don’t want to start again.

He looks over his shoulder at the door, as though he’s expecting someone to come in, and then he looks back to me. “Not here.”

I cross my arms over my chest. I don’t miss his eyes going to my boobs as they get pushed up. Oddly, it brings me a sense of self-satisfaction. He might hate me, but he still likes my boobs.

God, get a grip, Evie.

“Why not? There’s only me here, and I don’t see a problem with us talking—unless you plan on yelling at me again, because that I could do without.”

His eyes flicker to mine. “It’s not me yelling that I’m worried about.”

“Me?” I let out a laugh. “Why would I yell? I’ve got nothing to yell about—unless you scratched my car, which I would be kinda pissed about—”

“We’re still married.”

My brain freezes.

“I’m sorry, what?” I let out an awkward-sounding laugh. “For a second there, I thought you said that we’re…still married.”

“I did. And we are.”

“I-I…what?” All I can do is blankly stare at him. “We’re married? I don’t understand.”

“I never filed the annulment papers that you so kindly left for me. So, yeah, that means we’re technically still married. I thought you should know.”

It’s right then when my head explodes.

“You thought I should know? We-we’re married. We’ve been married for the last ten years. Jesus Christ! I can’t…even…” I’m struggling to make sense as well as breathe.

For the last ten years, I’ve believed my marriage never existed in the eyes of the law even though it meant everything to me. And now, I’m hearing that’s not the case at all.

We’re still married.

My body and brain are jumping between confusion to elation to betrayal, which is funny coming from me because I betrayed him in the worst possible way.

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I take some deep breaths.

After a long moment, I look up at him. “You never filed the annulment papers?”

He slowly shakes his head, eyes fixed on me.

“Why would you not do that?” My words come out on a whisper of hope.

Hope for what? That he still loves me?

I almost smack myself in the face for that one.

Adam shrugs.

That sets me off again.

“Jesus, Adam! I’m really confused here! I know I left you, and I did a horrible shitty thing by doing so, but…hell! I’ve—we’ve been married all this time, and I didn’t know. There’s just something fundamentally wrong with that. What if”—I’m mentally searching around for something to throw at him—“I’d gotten married to someone else?” I have to stop myself from laughing at that one. I’ve been on exactly one date in the last ten years, so a second marriage wasn’t exactly on the cards, but that’s beside the point. And for some reason, right now, I want a reason to be mad at him. “You would have made me a freaking bigamist!”

“Look, I’m sorry—”

“You’re sorry? Well, that’s okay then!” I throw my hands up. “How could you have done this?”

I see fire light behind his eyes.

His palms slam down on the counter, and he leans close to me. “Apparently, as easy as you fucking leaving me without a word.”

My eyes widen. “You did this for revenge?” My words come out on a gasp.

I see a muscle pop in his jaw as he works it.

“Nice. Good to know what you think of me, Evie. No, it wasn’t for fucking revenge. I was hurt and in denial that you’d left me. I searched everywhere for you, hoping that you’d come back to me. So, filing those papers was the last thing on my mind. By the time I realized what I’d done, the time had lapsed to allow me to file. I had no fucking clue where you were, so it’s not like I could call you up and let you know, was it?”

He’s got me there. I don’t know what to say to that.

I look at the floor, shifting on my feet, feeling instantly shitty again. I wrap my arms around myself. “I guess…that makes sense.”

He lets out a humorless laugh. Then, I see his hands lift from the counter. By the time I look up, he’s on his way to the door.

“You’re leaving?” I hear the panic in my voice. I really hope he didn’t.

Stopping, he turns back to me. He looks suddenly weary.

My heart aches for him. Well, everything in me aches for him.

He rubs his forehead with his hand. “I came to tell you about the mistake I’d made. I needed to be honest with you.” Those words feel so incredibly pointed, and that’s probably because they are. “I’ve done that. Now, I’m going home.”

“You don’t think we need to talk about this? Discuss what we’re going to do.”

“Yeah, we probably do. But not right now. Right now, I just want to have a drink and go to fucking bed.” He moves the distance back between us, pulling something from his inside jacket pocket. “My cell and office numbers.” He places a business card on the counter and slides it toward me. “Call me tomorrow, and we can talk.”

Then, he’s gone.

And I’m still married.

Adam and I are still married.

Holy. Shit.

I lift the card from the counter, looking down at it.

ADAM GUNNER

CEO, GUNNER ENTERTAINMENT

I already knew he worked for the studio.

One time, about five years ago, I looked up his profile on Facebook, using Casey’s profile. I couldn’t see much as he had it set to private, but I did see his work info, showing that he worked for the studio. I remember how sad I felt at the time. I knew how much he hadn’t wanted to be a part of that world. I had been his reason to stay away, and my leaving had sent him straight back.

I had always hoped that he would fight back, stay away.

But he didn’t.

And I was to blame for that.

The choice I made was to blame for that.

But we weren’t supposed to still be married.

Honestly, I don’t know how to feel about that.

We’re still bound by marriage.

I guess I’m terrified and…thrilled.

I’m still Evie Gunner.

Well, legally anyway. But in my heart, I always have been. It’s why I could never move on.

But I know I’m no longer in Adam’s heart. He let me go years ago.

I guess it’s time for me to let him go now.

I’m so done for.

The way I feel about Adam, after knowing him for such a short amount of time, can’t be good for me. I mean, it feels good, but it’s definitely dangerous.

We’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks now, and I’m smitten, totally smitten. I’m a smitten kitten. And clearly a massive geek.

We’re at the beach. It’s early morning, and I have to be at work in a few hours. But we’re all here this morning, surfing at the beach just outside Adam’s house. Max is out there with Grady, Base, Tad, and Paige. Adam and I quit surfing a while ago. We’re sitting up on my rock, and I’m sketching a picture of them all surfing.

Adam is here, with me. He’s wrapped around me from behind, his chin resting on my shoulder, while he watches me draw.

His lips skim over my shoulder, and his teeth graze my skin, making me shiver. His fingers trace over the skin on my stomach where they’ve made their way under the hem of my tank top.

We haven’t done anything more than kiss.

He knows I’m a virgin. I told him that on our fourth date. We were making out, and it was getting pretty heavy. I didn’t want to lead him on, to think he’d be getting sex, which I wasn’t ready to give to him, so I was honest with him. And he was really cool with it. He told me he’d wait for when I was ready. I don’t know when that will be, but trust me¸ if I’m going to lose my virginity to anyone, it will be with Adam.

But my inexperience in that department does worry me a little because I know Adam is very experienced. He hasn’t told me that, but I just get the feeling that he has been around the block a few times. I’m not surprised. Looking like Adam does, he could have his pick of girls. So, knowing he’s choosing to spend his time with me, sans sex, makes me feel pretty damn special.

And seeing the way Max is with girls also leads me to believe that, prior to me, that was how Adam was spending his time. In the last few weeks, I’ve seen Max with four different girls, each one exiting his bedroom.

But, man-whore aside, I like Max. He’s cool, and even though I’ve come in and invaded his and Adam’s time here together, he has had no issue with it.

I’m not precious when it comes to my virginity. Just right now doesn’t feel like the right time. I want to spend more time with Adam, get to know him more, before I go all the way with him. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to do other stuff with him. This past week especially, all I’ve been able to think about is taking things a little, or maybe a lot, further.

And the way he’s touching me right now with the heat of his breath on my skin has me tingling in all the right places, making me want his mouth in other places than just my shoulder.

Putting my pencil down on my paper, I lift my hand to his face, scratching my nails over his scruff, until I’m cupping his cheek. I tilt his eyes up to mine.

He smiles at me, and my heart clenches, as do a few other parts of my anatomy.

The way I feel about him…I’ve never felt anything like it before. In a short space of time, he’s become beyond important to me, and I’m struggling to remember my life before him.

But I do remember that it was gray. Now, with him in it, it’s filled with color, all varying shades of brightness illuminating my days.

I press my lips to his, giving him a soft kiss.

“So, I’ve been thinking…”

“About?” he murmurs over my lips, his eyes closed.

“Well…I’m still not ready to have sex, but…I was thinking that maybe…we could do, you know, other stuff.”

I feel his body stiffen, and his eyes open to meet mine. “Define other stuff.”

A blush creeps onto my cheeks. I feel a little embarrassed, talking about this. To be honest, I can’t believe I brought it up.

“I don’t know…just…all I do know is, when you kiss me…I want more.”

“More,” he echoes.

“Mmhmm…more.” My gaze flickers down.

“When? I mean, there’s no rush—”

“We could…now.” I bite my lip, suddenly feeling a little more than nervous.

Adam is up on his feet before I even get a chance to blink.

“Um, where are you going?” I stare up at him.

“You said now. And, well, I’m not doing more with you now, on this rock, with an audience.” He gestures out to the surf. “I thought we could go back to the house. Max will be out here surfing for hours, so we’ll have the place to ourselves.”

A thrill runs through me. “Okay.” I shove my sketchpad and pencil in my bag.

Adam climbs down the rock. I follow, loving the feel of his hands on my waist as he helps me down the last part. His hand grazes my ass.

“Copping a feel?” I smile.

“Totally.” He grins at me.

Linking his fingers through mine, he leads me on the short walk to the beach house.

By the time we reach the house, my body is a riot of nerves.

We’ve just gotten through the door when Adam has me backed up against it, his mouth on mine.

My bag drops to the floor. My hands go to his hair.

God, he smells amazing, like the ocean. I can taste the salt on his lips, and it just fuels me, making me want him even more.

This kiss is so different, compared to our others. There’s a need and urgency that hasn’t been there before, and I love that he wants me so badly.

His hands find my ass, and he lifts me. I wrap my legs around his waist.

He carries me upstairs to his bedroom.

It’s not the first time I’ve been in here, but somehow, this feels different…because things will be different. We might not be about to have sex, but we’re going to reach a whole new level of intimacy.

He lays me down on the bed, coming down with me. Between my legs, his hips press to mine.

Holy hardness. I can feel how much he wants me, and from the feel of this thing, it’s a lot.

He’s still kissing me, less ragged but still needy. His fingers find the hem of my top.

“How far do you want to go with this?” he asks, sounding breathless. “What is more? Are we talking second or third base here? I need to know because I don’t want to make a mistake with you, and screw this up.”

I press my hand to his cheek. “You could never make a mistake. And, honestly…I’ve never…” I bite my lip, lowering my eyes. I slide my hand from his face. “I’ve never done anything but kiss before, so I don’t know. And I know how lame that makes me sound.”

His fingers go under my chin, bringing my gaze back to his. I stare into his eyes, and the look in his is intense.

“It doesn’t make you lame, babe. It makes you mine.”

He takes my mouth again, kissing me as intensely as the look was in his eyes.

His tongue seeks entrance, so I part my lips. He groans into my mouth, and I feel it low in my belly.

Taking my face in his hands, he starts to press soft kisses over my lips. “Evie…have you ever made yourself come?”

“Oh my God!” I blush. Pushing away, I turn my face from him.

“Hey…don’t be embarrassed.” His hand forces my face back to his, but I still can’t look at him. “It’s me, Evie. Just you and me here, and there isn’t anything you can’t tell me. Okay?”

“Okay,” I breathe out, face still flaming. I run my hand through my hair, feeling all kinds of awkward. “And, to answer your question…no, I haven’t ever done that…to myself.”

He’s silent for so long that I have to look at him, worried that he’s disgusted with me because I’m sure most girls would have done that by now.

But he doesn’t look disgusted. He looks…well, he looks like he wants to devour me. I take that to be a good thing.

“You’ve never come?” he asks, his voice sounding rough.

I shake my head.

He groans. Those intense eyes of his darken further.

He runs his thumb over my lower lip, which I’m apparently biting again, and frees it from my teeth.

“Do you want me to make you come?” His voice is husky, and as sexy as hell.

I squeak, and his lips lift into a heartbreaking smile, leaving me spinning.

My stomach is practically doing backflips.

“I guess…yes. I mean, only if you want to.”

He dips his head to mine. “Oh, I want to. I want nothing more.”

He brushes his lips over mine, and I feel his fingertips run along the sliver of exposed skin between my top and shorts.

“But you have to tell me to stop if you don’t feel comfortable.”

“I will,” I breathe.

His hand slips under my tank top. Moving up my stomach, he reaches my breast. Then, he’s cupping it over my bikini top.

I’m breathless, and I can’t imagine that I’ll be telling him to stop anytime soon.

His hand feels so very good there. His finger is now tracing a path around my erect nipple through the fabric of my bikini.

His hair caresses my face as he kisses a path down my neck.

I raise my arms, letting him know what I want. He removes my tank top. I hear the soft thud of it hitting the floor.

He kisses down my chest, between my breasts. The whole time, his erection is pressed up against me, and he’s moving ever so slightly, creating this amazing friction. I’m starting to feel hot all over, and all I know is that I want more of what he’s doing.

I need more.

His tongue traces over the rise of my breast before he presses a kiss there.

Suddenly feeling brave, I reach back and loosen the string tied behind my neck. Then, I untie the string behind my back, letting my bikini fall away.

I watch his face as he takes me in for the first time, his expression almost undoing me.

So many emotions, it’s hard to capture one, but all of them are good, and they are making me feel amazing.

“God, you’re beautiful, Evie. So very fucking beautiful. And you’re all mine.” Then, he’s kissing me again with the same ferocity as he did downstairs. His tongue is in my mouth, claiming me, just like his words did.

His T-shirt-covered chest is pressed on my bare one, and it kind of feels unfair.

It’s not that I haven’t seen Adam shirtless before because I have plenty of times at the beach, and seriously, his body is smoking, but I want his shirt off right now more than I want my next breath.

I need to feel his skin against mine.

Grabbing the hem, I drag it up. Adam breaks away from my mouth long enough to let me get it over his head, and then he’s back, kissing me.

And we’re skin to skin, and I have never felt anything like it in my life.

Then, when his head moves to my chest and he takes my nipple into his mouth, a feeling so intense brings my hips up off the bed and has me squirming. I’m pressing against his erection, needing the friction.

His tongue is swirling around my nipple, and my hands are in his long hair, pulling at it, as it tickles my skin.

“I’m gonna take your shorts off now. Is that okay?”

I love that he’s checking with me, but it just serves as a reminder that I don’t have many items of clothing left on.

I swallow, feeling a little nervous, and give him a nod.

“Are you sure?” He looks me in the eyes. “You have to be sure about this, babe.”

I bolster my confidence. “I’m sure.”

His eyes linger on me.

“I promise,” I reassure him.

He’s seemingly happy with my words as his fingers find the button on my shorts. Without taking his eyes from mine, he undoes them and slides them down my legs.

I’m lying here in only my bikini bottoms and my blush as he stares down at me.

“Beautiful,” he murmurs.

And I feel it—not just because of his words, but also because of the way he’s looking at me, like I’m the most precious thing in the world to him.

He leans down and begins kissing a path up my stomach, starting at my belly button. When he reaches my mouth, he pauses. “I’ve never wanted anyone like I want you, Evie. I know we’ve only known each other for a few weeks, but…I’m crazy about you.”

I curl my fingers into the strands of his hair. “I’m crazy about you, too. I wouldn’t be doing this if I wasn’t.”

A growl escapes him. “You have no fucking idea what hearing that does to me…what you do to me.”

His hand moves down my stomach, his fingers tickling, as he reaches the edge of my bikini bottoms. Then, he slides his hand inside and he’s touching me there, and lights explode behind my closed eyes.

“Oh,” I moan, pressing my head back into the pillow.

He starts to move his finger over that spot, which feels so very good.

“That’s it, babe,” he whispers over my lips. “Let me make you feel good.”

“Oh God, you are. You really are.” My hand grabs hold of his arm.

The sensations he’s creating in me with that magic hand of his has me feeling like I need him to stop but also never, ever stop touching me there again. It’s so confusing.

I feel like I could climb out of my own skin. I’m restless and needy, searching for something I don’t understand.

My other hand curls into the bedding, gripping it like a vise.

My body is tingling, and my sole focus is narrowed down to that one spot between my legs and what his hand is doing there. I feel like I’m climbing toward something unknown—but something really freaking good.

“Evie, I need to taste you.”

What?

“Your pussy. I want to go down on you,” he says the words so easily.

Me? My face feels like it’s currently on fire.

“You want to”—I gesture south with my hand, my eyes still closed, unable to look at him—“go…down there?”

I hear his deep chuckle.

“Evie, look at me.”

I force my eyes open to find him staring back at me.

“Yes, I want to go down on you.”

Something dark and hot flashes through his eyes, making me tremble.

“I want to taste you. It’s all I can think about.” He brings his mouth to mine, his lips brushing softly. “But more than anything, I want the first time you come to be in my mouth. So, what do you say?”

Holy shit!

Really, what am I supposed to say to that?

I part my lips, and what comes out is, “Ermahgerd.”

Adam laughs a sexy-as-hell sound. “Babe, I don’t speak anything other than English, so you’re gonna have to clarify for me.”

I clear my throat, pretty sure my face is the brightest shade of red known to man. “I mean, yes. I would really like…you to do that to me, please.”

Yes, I would really like you to do that to me, please.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I sound like he’s just offered to give me a shoulder rub, not put his mouth on my girl parts.

Jesus, Evie! You could at least try to be sexy. You are in bed with the hottest guy in California. He’s offering oral sex of the best kind—or so I’ve heard—and you’re acting like a total doofus.

Seemingly unaffected by my lack of sexiness, Adam gives me a panty-melting grin and then starts to move down my body, his eyes pinned on mine.

Every part of me tightens.

He hooks his fingers into the band of my bikini bottoms, and I swallow.

Then, very slowly, he pulls them down.

My bikini bottoms now on the floor, Adam settles between my legs.

Oh God.

I’m stuck somewhere between total embarrassment and awe right now.

Biting his lip, which is such a sexy look on him, he runs a finger up my center, making me shiver.

“You’re soaking wet, Evie. It’s really fucking hot.”

Sweet baby Jesus.

I bite my lip.

Then, he puts his mouth on me.

And reality ceases to exist.

I lose my mind. It goes, kaboom!

And for the next minutes, hours, days—I’m not actually sure—I experience the kind of pleasure I didn’t even know existed.

His tongue is magical. Out-of-this-world amazing.

I want to marry it.

Then, I feel his finger pressing against my entrance, testing, asking silently for my permission.

“Yes,” I moan, pushing against it.

And then his finger is inside me.

Oh my God!

His tongue is licking me, his finger moving in and out of me, and I’m gripping his hair, fairly sure I’ve pulled some of it out. My hips start bucking up off the bed as I scream his name so loud that I’m pretty sure that everyone in the western hemisphere can hear me.

Oh. My. God.

I’m panting, and my heart is racing. Every muscle in my body is locked up tight, and I just feel…incredible.

I just had my first orgasm. And it was the best thing ever!

I feel Adam press a kiss to my stomach and then one between my breasts.

Then, his lips touch my mouth.

I can taste myself there.

I open my eyes. He’s looking down at me with such tenderness that my chest opens up, and my heart exits, going straight into his and taking up residency.

“You’re amazing.” He brushes my hair back from my face with his hand.

“Um…I think that award goes to you.” I give him a goofy smile.

He chuckles as he settles back over me. I feel his very prominent erection pressing against my hip.

And I know now what I want to do, more than anything.

“I want…can I touch you?” I ask him.

Something deep flickers in his eyes.

“You don’t have to. That’s not why I did this.”

“I know.” I touch his face with my fingertips, tracing the line of his brow. “But I want to. I want to make you feel good.”

“I already do feel good.”

“Well, I want to make you feel gooder.”

He lets out a laugh. “Is that actually a word?”

“Probably not.” I grin. Then, I slide my hand around the back of his neck and bring his mouth to mine. “I want to make you come.”

That has an effect on him. The next thing I know, Adam’s on his back, and I’m on top of him, my legs on either side of his hips. His hands are in my hair, my lips crashing down to his.

He kisses me deeply. And I kiss him back, needy. My hands pressed against his hard chest, I start to move them lower. I feel the tremble in his body, and it gives me the confidence I need.

When I reach the waistband of his board shorts, I move off him. Fingers hooked, I start to ease them down. He lifts his hips, allowing me purchase.

He’s naked beneath his shorts, which, of course, I expected. I just didn’t expect him to be…so big.

I haven’t ever seen a penis in real life before. I know. I sound like the virgin I am.

There’s just something fascinating about it—the size and strength of it, the thick veins running through it, how it looks so very hard yet soft and silky at the same time.

Adam kicks his shorts off the rest of the way, but I barely notice. I can’t stop staring.

And he doesn’t seem abashed by the fact.

“Can I…touch it?”

“You don’t have to ask. I’m all yours, babe. Do whatever you want.” He puts his hands behind his head, a confident smile appearing on his face.

Reaching a nervous hand out, I touch him, running a finger up the shaft.

A hiss escapes him.

Looking up, I see his eyes have darkened with lust, and they are fixed on me, that hunger on his face again.

Shifting my position, I kneel between his legs and wrap my hand around him. Then, I do what I think is right. I start to move my hand up and down.

God, I’m so nervous.

I look at him to make sure I’m doing this right.

“Just squeeze a little harder,” he tells me, his voice rough.

I tighten my grip a little and keep my hand moving.

“Fuck yeah, that’s it, Evie. Jesus…” He groans, a flush rising on his cheeks.

I love that I’m doing this to him. It gives me a sense of power.

“I’m not gonna last, babe. It’s been…a…long while. Fuck.”

His hips jerk up, then, he starts to move himself up and down, pumping his cock faster in my hand, so I quicken my movements to give him what he needs.

I can feel that need between my legs again, and my body starts to tremble.

“Jesus…Evie…fuck, I’m gonna come.”

I feel his cock jerk in my hand, and then hot spurts hit my skin as he comes. I keep moving my hand until I’m sure he’s done.

I look down at the sticky mess covering my hand and his stomach.

I made him come. My hand made Adam come.

I mentally high-five myself.

I glance up at Adam, and he’s staring down at me with awe written all over his face.

I’m feeling pretty awestruck myself.

“Come here,” he says.

Letting go of him, I lift my sticky hand up. “Do you have anything I can clean myself with?”

“Oh, sure.” He gives a little laugh. Reaching over, he grabs some tissues from the bedside table and hands them to me.

I wipe my hands clean, and then I clean up his stomach. I can feel his eyes on me the whole time.

Adam takes the used tissues from me and deposits them on the bedside table.

Feeling kind of funny, being totally naked, I reach down and get his T-shirt from the floor. It’s his favorite shirt, which makes it my favorite. It’s a black Rolling Stones T-shirt, the one with the tongue sticking out of a mouth.

I pull it over my head, covering my body. It smells like him, and so do I.

It makes me feel all warm and gooey inside.

“I like my shirt on you,” he says, holding his arms out to me.

I crawl into them, loving the feel of his arms wrapping around me.

“But I like you naked an awful lot more.”

I grin up at him. “You do realize, you’re not getting your shirt back, right?”

He pulls the covers over us and presses a kiss to my forehead. “I have no problem with that, babe, so long as I’m the one who gets to take it off your body.”

“Oh, you definitely will be.” I press a soft kiss to his mouth, loving as he hums a delicious sound of assent beneath my lips. “And if I haven’t told you this already, I like you, Adam Gunner—a whole lot.”

His eyes smile into mine, and it’s beautiful. He’s beautiful.

“And I like you a whole lot, too, Evie Taylor.” His lips press to mine again. “I think you’re fucking amazing.”

Smiling and happy in a way I’ve never felt before, I tuck my head under Adam’s chin, burrowing closer to his body, not ever imagining myself being anywhere else but here with him.