Текст книги "Infatuation"
Автор книги: River Savage
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Текущая страница: 14 (всего у книги 21 страниц)
Twenty-Three
Mackenzie
“Don’t accept a drink from anyone unless it’s from Jesse or any of his staff. And don’t leave the club,” Beau reminds me of his rules while I get ready for my night out with the girls a couple of weeks later. I know he’s only looking out for me, and I appreciate it, but he needs to take a breather.
“Yes, Beau.” I hold back my eye roll and step into one of my new dresses Kelly helped me pick out yesterday. It’s not my first rodeo with these ladies, but it is the first time without a tail.
“I’m not fucking messing around, darlin’.”
“Beau, I’m not some eighteen-year-old girl who doesn’t know her surroundings. Do you think I’m naïve? Zip me up?” I step up to my bed and turn my back for him to complete my request.
“Darlin’, your crazy asshole ex is still out there. You’re lucky I’m even letting you out of my sight.” His fingers find the zipper and he pulls it up in a slow and deliberate pace that ends in a kiss on my exposed shoulder.
“He obviously isn’t coming back. It’s been over three months, or he would have by now. I’m sure we can relax a little more,” I reply to his overprotectiveness. I hate that he’s still so wired when I’ve become complacent. Guilt continues to pester me. I have made him this way, asked him to be this person. And even though it hurts me now, there is no way I can undo it. Not now. Maybe with time, he too will let it go.
Then again, maybe not.
“Don’t fuck around with me on this, Mackenzie.” He spins me back to face him. “I’m not relaxing until he’s found.” His eyes hold on to mine and a wave of anxiety washes over me.
I wish it didn’t have to be like this.
“And if you never find him, Beau?” I croak, quickly clearing my throat.
“Then you’re stuck with me.” His gaze leaves mine and travels down my body, and I’m thankful. I don’t know if I can hide my uneasiness any longer.
“Fuck, this dress isn’t good, darlin’.” I look down at my black figure-hugging, one-shoulder dress. I wasn’t too sure when Kelly showed me it on the hanger, but as soon as I stepped into it, I knew it was perfect.
“What’s wrong with it?”
“I’m fucking hard just with one look.” He stands and steps in close to me so his erection sits against my stomach.
“I’m not changing.” I blurt the first thing that comes to mind.
“Didn’t ask you to.” He trails his finger along the low dip of my cleavage. He’s right. He didn’t say anything about changing.
“But you want me to, right?” I remember all the times Chad asked me to change and dictated what I wore.
“I do, for my own selfish reasons. But I’m not gonna tell you to change.” He steps out of my space and sits back on the bed.
“Is this like some reverse psychology?” I question, not sure what he’s playing at.
“No darlin’. I might not like the thought of some sleazy fucker checking you out, but I’m not gonna tell you to change outfits to meet my wants or needs.” He rests back against my headboard and crosses his feet at the ankles.
“You’re not?” I ask, watching him carefully.
“Not him, darlin’. I might like to control you when I’m fucking you, but you’re your own woman. You wear what the fuck you want to wear. I’ll deal.” I don’t say anything for a second, unsure how to respond. He’s right. He’s nothing like Chad. My mouth wants to blurt I love you, but my head forces it to shut up. Instead of talking, I spin and move to my dresser to finish my makeup.
The room stays quiet for a few minutes, the soft sounds of me searching around my makeup bag the only thing between us until Beau speaks again.
“So, who is going to this girls’ night?” He changes the subject and I take a breath.
“Just Kadence, Holly, Kelly, Bell, oh and, Lissy.” I lean close to the mirror and brush my eyelashes with mascara, trying to play it cool, but know I fail when his eyes catch my awkwardness.
“There a reason you just cringed saying her name?” My eyes find his again and I watch him raise a brow.
“Well, you know, because of your past together.” I drop my mascara into my makeup bag and keep my gaze on myself. I’m not sure what I should tell him. Am I threatened by Lissy because she had sex with Beau? Yes and no. The woman is stunning, at least ten years younger than me, and she’s seen Beau’s cock.
Okay, who am I kidding? Yeah, I’m threatened by her.
“Come here, Mackenzie.” His request is firm and leaves no room for me to argue. Placing my makeup brush down, I turn back and walk to him.
“You worried about Lissy?” He sits up and shifts to the side of the bed, pulling me to stand in front of him. I shrug my answer, not really sure if I do have a problem with Lissy personally or if it’s solely on what she represents.
“That’s not an answer, darlin’.”
“Fine, I’ll be honest. I’m not comfortable knowing you’ve been with her. I’d prefer I didn’t have those images in my head,” I concede, giving him the truth. I know he can’t help it. We both have our own pasts, mine colorful to say the least, but he doesn’t have to go out and pretend like it doesn’t bother him.
“Can’t change my past, Kenz. Been with a lot of women. Not gonna lie. But there’s only one of you.”
“You tell those lines to all the girls, Beau?” I force myself not to roll my eyes at his smooth line or the butterflies taking flight in my stomach.
“Never told a woman that line before, darlin’.” I still and drop my smile. Something passes between us before I realize he’s serious. “This isn’t just some fuck for me. I think I made it clear the first night I had you in my bed, darlin’.” He did. I remember. But it still doesn’t stop the insecurity. What if it doesn’t work out? What if I can’t be who he needs me to be?
“And if I can’t be who you want me to be? I can’t give you everything you crave? Will I be enough then?” I lay it out quickly, needing to know.
“You think it’s a deal breaker?” His hands come to my waist and hold me in place.
“You’re the one who said it was, not me.” I remember the threat, remember the promise. Yet I really have yet to see it.
“That was before I tasted you, before I had your body underneath me, my cock inside you. Before I knew what waking up next to you every morning would be like.” I look down into his eyes and I know he’s telling the truth. I see the conviction in them, but it only hurts me more, because I’m changing him.
“But you want more. You want me tied to your bed while you hurt me?” Images of him and Lissy flash before me and I have to force myself to shake them out.
“Yeah, I’m not gonna lie, darlin’. I want you in more ways than one. But I don’t want to hurt you. For me, it’s more about the pleasure I can draw out of you, but just like this dress, if what I want and what you need from me don’t match up, I’m not gonna push it.”
“See, that’s the problem for me. I look at Lissy and I can see you doing those things to her. I can see it and I hate it. I hate she could give you that, when I don’t know if I can.”
“I can’t change what you see, darlin’, but I can guarantee you I’m not even fucking looking at her. I’m looking at you and I’m more than fucking happy.” I can’t stop the eye roll on that one. Please, the man craves something and I have yet to give it to him. In no time, he’ll get bored.
Noticing my eye roll, his arms come around me tighter. “You need me to show you who I think about? Who my cock grows hard for every day?”
“You don’t have to.” I start to second-guess myself. I shouldn’t have brought it up. It’s ridiculous. It’s my issue. I shouldn’t make it his.
“I think I do, darlin’.” His fingers find the hem of my dress and bunch it up to expose my lace panties.
“Beau, I’m going to be late,” I complain, but don’t do anything else to stop him.
“You’re also gonna come,” he promises, sending a thrill through me.
“Slide your panties down your legs and step out of them,” he orders as he rests back further on the bed. I contemplate arguing with him, pushing back and stopping this, but I don’t want to. So I do as I’m told. I slide my lace panties down my legs and step out of them.
“See right there, darlin’. You doing what I tell you, when I tell you, how I tell you, that’s more than enough. You hear me?”
“I hear you, Beau,” I admit, starting to see his side. I might not be able to give him exactly what he likes, but maybe I’m getting there.
“Good girl. Now come here and sit on my face. If I have to spend the next few hours waiting around for you to come home, I want a taste to help me through.” I almost laugh at how desperate he sounds, but I don’t because I need him just as much. So being the good girl he wants me to be, I listen to his command. Climb on up, lower myself down on his face and let him eat me out.
By the time, he’s done, I barely know my own name, let alone Lissy’s.
“Oh, my God, just spill the news, it’s not like we don’t know what’s really going on! The man has it bad and we want all the deets.” Kadence pushes an hour later as we take a seat up in the VIP section of Liquid. We just walked in and everyone is here. Kadence, Kelly, Bell, Holly, Lissy and two of Bell’s friends I haven’t met before, Manda and her twin sister, Kate.
“Yeah, spill. I’ve seen that look before. He wound you up good and now he’s holding you tightly in place, isn’t he?” Holly laughs, getting in on teasing me. Jesus, this woman, I have no idea how she always manages to read me like a book.
“I’m surprised he even let you out of the house,” Kelly joins in, letting me know they aren’t going to give up tonight. “We haven’t seen you around the clubhouse in weeks.”
“Can we not do this now?” I flick my eyes to Lissy then back to Kelly. It’s not that I want to keep what’s happening between Beau and me secret, I just don’t wish to talk about us with Lissy here.
“Yeah, let’s give her a break.” Bell stands up for me. I give her a thankful smile then catch a glimpse of a huge rock on her left ring finger.
“Let’s talk about that ring?” I point to her hand, then watch her smile take over her face.
“Holy shit, you’re engaged?” Kadence reaches for Bell’s hand to have a better look.
“Yes!” She practically screams like she’s glad the news is finally out.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Holly reaches for her hand next.
“Well, I was planning to, but you guys haven’t let up on Mackenzie since she walked in all sexed up.” The girls only look partly guilty before barraging her with every question. When? How? What did he say?
“So we took a ride up to Mount Lookout last night.” Holly snorts and Kelly laughs. “I know, I know. Make-out Mountain. It’s kind of lame, but that’s where we had our first time.” Bell tries to justify it to them. I haven’t been to Make-out Mountain, but I know about it. Growing up in Redwick, we had our own make-out point.
“The first time?” Kelly questions and Bell blushes before nodding. I’m totally not getting the significance of what Mount Lookout means to Jesse and Bell, but I continue to listen regardless.
“He had this whole thing planned and then he messed up. He was a nervous wreck, fumbling his words.”
“Damn, the man has it bad.” Kadence’s grin lifts, looking just as excited as Bell.
“It was cute. Then he just said ‘Fuck it, will you marry me, sweetheart?’ Then of course, I said yes.”
“I’m actually shocked,” Holly tells the group when Bell finishes telling her story.
“Oh, believe me, I wasn’t. Before we moved in together, I didn’t think he would be ready for at least a couple of years, but within a week, it was as if a light had been switched. The man traveled from zero to one hundred.” She looks down at her ring.
“I heard him talking about it with Jackson when I first moved into the clubhouse,” I reveal.
“And you didn’t tell us? Girl, we need to have a word.” Holly shakes her head in disappointment.
“Well, I didn’t want to ruin the surprise for Bell.”
“I’m glad you didn’t. I already had my suspicions,” Bell assures me I did the right thing.
“I knew when I saw your smirk you knew something was up.”
“We had only talked about it the night before. I knew it was coming. I just didn’t know when.”
“Well, who won the bet?” Manda asks, obviously in on the bet.
“Not me, I had them down for next year.” Holly shakes her head.
“Me too.” Kadence bows out.
“I’ve been out for weeks. I thought they were gonna announce when they moved in together.” Lissy lets out a disappointed sigh.
“Don’t worry, I thought for sure it wouldn’t be for two years.” Manda laughs, way out on her guess.
“I think you were the closest.” Kelly turns to me.
“I said Thanksgiving.”
“Yep, you were. So you win.”
“I did?” I look to Bell and watch her grin.
“Drinks on you, Kenzie!” She cheers, offering me a high five and as quick as they were drilling me about Beau, our girls’ night out turns into an engagement celebration for Bell and Jesse.
I listen to the conversation, but keep my gaze off Lissy, not wanting to draw attention to the discomfort she causes in me. Bell, oblivious to our tension, begins to chat about her and Jesse’s plans for the wedding. I tune out for a while, not that I don’t care for weddings or planning them, but just to take stock of my life the last few months.
As much as I’ve finally found the peace I’ve been searching for since leaving Chad, the guilt is starting to eat me alive. Guilt that my past could come back and hurt these people who have taken me in. On top of the guilt, I miss having Heidi around and having nights like this. I miss the closeness and being able to share everything with her. Sure I have Beau. But there are some things I never want to share with him.
“You okay?” Kadence pulls me out of my head a little while later.
“Yeah, I’m great.” I take another sip of my wine.
“You know, if you ever want to talk. I’m here, Kenz.” She offers me her hand and I give it a small squeeze.
“Thank you, Kadence, but I’m fine.” We don’t do deep again, and the night progresses along with more laughing, drinking, and dancing. After finishing off my third glass of wine, I stand to use the bathroom.
“I’ll be back, ladies. Just heading to the bathroom.” I stand and start to move toward the stairs.
“Wait up, Mackenzie. I’ll come with you,” Lissy calls out before I can make it away.
Shit.
“Sure.” I slow my escape and let her catch up. She smiles as we take the stairs, neither of us speaking.
“Mackenzie, have I done something to upset you?” she asks when we hit the lower floor and start to move to the bathroom.
“No, why?” I push open the door to the bathroom door and let her walk in before me.
“I just wanted to clear the air.” She stops short of the toilet stall.
“I don’t know why you would need to, Lissy.” I decide to play dumb.
“I know you know about me and Beau.” I know what she’s trying to do, but I don’t want to discuss this with her. Not here. Not now. Not ever.
“Lissy, I have no problem with you. Don’t make one.” I enter my stall and close the door. Maybe that was a bitch move. Maybe I just made it worse, but what does she expect? I would much rather we pretend she hasn’t had sex with my man.
After using the toilet, I step up to the vanity and wash my hands. Lissy is already done and stands awkwardly off to the side.
“I’ll meet you back upstairs.” She turns to leave when I keep my eyes in front of me.
“Wait, Lissy,” I call back to her before she goes. “I’m not trying to be a bitch. I just really don’t want to discuss you and Beau.” I reach for the paper towel and dry my hands.
“I get this is the last thing you want to talk about, I do. I just wanted to clear the air. We have mutual friends. I don’t want to make it any more awkward.”
“Well, consider it clear,” I offer her what she needs. She nods once then leaves. I give it a few extra minutes before following her out. I don’t make my way straight upstairs, instead opting for the bar instead.
“You okay, Mackenzie?” Jesse asks when I step up to the bar.
“Yeah, just wanted some water.” He gives me a wink and asks one of the bartenders to get it for me.
“Congratulations on your engagement. Good job on the rock.” I praise his choice and watch him grin.
“She talking about me?”
“Of course.” I watch him look up toward the VIP section with a smile on his face.
“Jesse, I need you.” One of his staff members calls out taking his attention. I spin around and check out the club. It’s a fancy place, probably the hottest place in Rushford to hang out. When I first heard the club owned it, I didn’t believe it.
“Mackenzie Morre.” A deep voice startles me, sending chills down my spine at the tone he used to call my name.
Fuck, who is this?
“Who’s asking?” I question as I twist my body to face them.
“I have a message for you, from Mr. Morre.” He steps in closer, invading my space.
“Step the hell back,” I grit out, as unease settles around me.
“You’re not going to get away with what you’ve done.” My body locks at his words and I swallow past the bile forming at the base of my throat. On the outside I look like I’m holding it together, but on the inside, anxiety rips through me, clouding my conscience worse than it already is.
Oh, God.
“Have your attention now?” I’m about to respond when Jesse steps up beside me.
“Step the fuck back from the lady now, before I fucking make you.” Jesse’s warning is enough to have the stranger backtracking without another word. I follow his retreat, watching him fade back into the crowd, disappearing out of my sight.
“You all right, Kenz?”
“Yeah.” I keep my gaze out on the crowd as an uneasy feeling washes over me.
Is he watching me?
“Hey, you know that guy?” Jesse taps my shoulder, jolting me back. I turn to face the bar and look up at him.
“Haven’t seen him before. He just wouldn’t take no for an answer.” I grab my glass of water and wash down my lie with a large sip.
“You sure? You look like you just saw a ghost.” Jesse’s eyes narrow slightly, silently assessing me.
“I’m good,” I lie again. This time the water doesn’t wash it away so well. I wasn’t good, but I wasn’t about to tell Jesse.
My past flashes before me and I can’t stop it.
I’m not safe here anymore. What I’ve been running from is never going to leave me. I have to get away.
I can’t risk my freedom.
Not for Beau or my newfound family.
Past Mackenzie
“I’m done for the night if you don’t need anything, Fred?” I hang up my apron and reach for my handbag. It’s my second week on the job and Fred, my new boss, has already taken me under his wing.
“You sit down and let me fix you some dinner,” he calls out just like every night this week.
“It’s really okay, Fred. I want to head out before it gets dark.” It’s just after six and I know it’s going to be dark within the next twenty minutes.
“Don’t argue, sweetheart.” His graying eyebrows dip low, waiting for me to agree. Knowing it’s not going to get me anywhere, I let out a sigh and pull up a spot at the counter. “Good girl,” he says then turns, too happy with himself.
It’s been three months since the day Beau dropped me off with Larry and Mary. After staying with them for a week, I was moved to Kansas where I lived in a shelter for nine weeks until my cast could come off and I had some strength back in my arm. From there, I finally was able to head out on my own. I hopped on a bus and traveled east, wanting to be as far away from Chad as possible. This small town in Ohio wasn’t meant to be a stopping spot for me, but after a mix-up with getting on the wrong bus, I ended up here and decided to settle down. At least for a while.
“We need to talk about you walking home alone at night.” Fred pulls me out of my head.
“I told you, I can look after myself.” I try to shut it down before it goes anywhere. Fred is a good guy and means well. When I first walked into his diner looking for a job, I felt a connection to him, almost like I knew I had ended up there just so I could know him. That’s not to say he didn’t scare me, the military vibe I got off him, the way he saw past the bullshit lies I fed him to get the job, it made me hold back a little. But then his wife, Carly, walked in, took one look at me and hired me on the spot, even without reading my resume. Since then, both of them have welcomed me into their life like a long lost friend.
“Carly’s brother holds these self-defense classes down at the gym. Now that you’re settled in, I think you should find yourself at some of them. I’d feel a whole lot better knowing you’re protected.” He continues to push the subject. He does it a lot. Push the subject. At first it didn’t sit right with me, the bossiness almost reminding me too much of Chad, but then I realized it came from such a different place.
“Fred I—” I begin to argue, but I know it’s hopeless.
“No, you listen to me. I don’t know your past, or what you’re hiding from, but I knew the second you walked in here you had a story. I see the way you jump at loud noises, how you’re always keeping your eye on the door. Now, I’m not asking you to share, though I hope one day you do, so I know how to be prepared in case someone comes around, but until then you need to protect yourself, sweetheart.”
I don’t say anything, not sure there really is anything to say. I thought I was doing a good job at pretending I was okay. Clearly, I’m not.
“Just give it some thought. In the meantime, I want you to keep this on your body.” He reaches behind his back, pulls out a small handgun and places it in my hand. The cold metal stings my skin and I have to force myself not to recoil.
“Fred this—” I stop when I see him shake his head.
“Do you know how to shoot?” I nod, remembering the few times Heidi took me out to the shooting range back home. It was the first time she saw the aftermath of Chad’s rage. When I refused to leave, she made me learn how to shoot.
“Then take it. Humor an old man and get Carly off my back.” I want to hand it back, tell him I don’t need it because there is no way Chad is going to find me, but I don’t because a small part of me knows I’ll never be safe.
“Until I start those self-defense classes,” I agree, placing the gun in my bag.
His grin grows before he gives me a wink and then turns back to the kitchen, intent on trying to feed me.
I sink back in my chair, annoyed and maybe a little disappointed in myself. Not because I just agreed to take self-defense classes or even because I took the gun. Those things would keep me safe. No, I was disappointed because the one rule I gave myself when I arrived here was to not let anyone in.
I’ve failed. Fred and Carly are in, whether I like it not.
I just hope it doesn’t come back to bite me later.
