Текст книги "Infatuation"

Автор книги: River Savage

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“I’m not?” I roll toward him and rest my head in my palm.

“No, you have a fever and you’re going to need bed rest for at least a few days.” I can’t help my grin from growing.

“You wanna play hooky with me?” I don’t remember the last time I have. It’s been years.

“I want to play a lot with you, darlin’. I’m just getting started.” He rolls back over me and covers my body with his.

“Just getting started?” I don’t know if he’s talking about sex or what’s happening between us.

“Not ready for this to end.” I hold my breath for a second as I process what I think I need to process.

“Has it started, Beau?” I ask, missing the moment we labeled what was happening. Barely twenty-four hours ago, he was fighting this, yet now he’s not ready to give it up.

“Darlin’, do you even have to ask?”

It’s not a label or even really an answer, but I’ll take it anyway.

“How can you not be exhausted right now?” I move us away from this line of questioning and settle in closer to him.

“Fucking beat, but something tells me having your naked body in my bed I’m not getting any sleep.”

“You could try.”

“Or I could fuck you. Better yet, you can fuck me.” His hands move to my waist and in one quick movement, he rolls, taking me with him. I land on top of him, his cock starting to grow as it rests at the apex of my thighs.

My eyes fall on the small skin-colored bandage on his arm and I zone in on it.

“What happened?”

“Just a scratch,” he dismisses too coolly as he rests his hands under his head and smirks up at me. “I’ll give you free play. Then I’ll take the lead.”

“You’re terrible.” I shake my head, letting it go.

“I am, but you fucking love it.”

“Maybe. Maybe not.”

The truth is I do. I love the way he is. Love the way he speaks, the way he treats me. I love it all and yeah it scares me. Oh, God, does it scare me. What will happen when my past finally catches up with me? Would whatever is going on between us fall apart? I want to think no, but sometimes when you grow tired of running, your fears make you insecure. They pull you down and force you to live in darkness, surrounded by whatever it is you are running away from.

I didn’t want to be like this anymore. I wanted something more. Even after everything I had done.

Maybe later I will rethink my actions, but right now this is what I want and I’m not going to overthink it. I have to trust this future is better than my past.

If anyone understands that it’s Beau.

Past Mackenzie

“We’re here.” Beau pulls up out front of a ranch-style house two days later. After getting the all-clear to leave the hospital, we waited until early morning the next day to leave town, driving the four-hour drive straight through.

“You ready?” He turns the van off and releases his seat belt.

“These people, I can trust them?” I ask him again. We’ve already gone over it on the drive here. I know he said I can trust them, but in the last two days, I’ve become comfortable with Beau. The thought of leaving him and trusting new people freaks me out.

“They’ll take good care of you,” he assures me before exiting the van, moving around the front and opening my door. With my arm in a cast, and my chest wrapped tight, I need help to move down.

“I’m going to help you down again.” He steps in closer when I nod, then wraps his arm around my waist. “Careful,” he whispers, lifting me into his arms. I wince slightly from the movement as my feet hit the ground.

A man and woman come down the stairs to greet us as we move around the van, both older than us. They smile and wait for us to meet them. They look like a sweet couple, but I hang back a little, still unsure.

“How you doing, Larry?” Beau reaches forward and takes the man’s hand in a handshake.

“Doin’ good, Beau.” Larry looks to be around sixty years old. As tall as Beau, he has graying hair, a small potbelly, but a warm smile.

“Mary.” Beau nods to the woman and she gives him a genuine smile. Mary looks a little younger than her husband, maybe in her fifties. Her short dark hair is blow-dried in a bob that kicks out at the ends and her face is free of makeup. She reminds me of my nan. Beautiful in a reserved kind of way.

“Mackenzie, this is Larry and Mary Canter. They’re gonna be helping you for the next week.”

“Hi.” I offer a wave and attempt a smile, but it feels dishonest.

“It’s lovely to meet you, Mackenzie.” Mary steps forward, but I pull back instantly before she can get too close.

“It’s okay, Mackenzie.” Beau turns his body toward me and lowers his voice. “You have to trust me. They’re good people.” I let out a shaky breath and relax a little at his words.

“It’s nice to meet you, too.” I look back up at Mary and decide to trust Beau. He hasn’t let me down yet. Why would he start now?

“If you want to come with me, I can show you around.” Mary steps back and motions toward the front door. I look back at Beau, unsure if this will be our goodbye or if he will be hanging around a little while longer.

“Go ahead, I’ll wait until you’re finished.” Beau answers my silent question and I relax, following Mary up the porch steps and into her home. She keeps her pace slow, allowing me to keep up with her easily. After my surgery, I’ve been given some good painkillers. I hadn’t taken any today, wanting to be clearheaded when I arrived here.

“So, this is the kitchen and the living area.” Mary walks me through her home, showing me the rooms I need to know. “You’re welcome to anything, anytime. The fridge is stocked and Larry likes my baking, so there’s always something to eat.” I nod, acknowledging her offer, even if I won’t take her up on it.

We continue on the tour, my mind not really into it. I let everything pass over me, barely taking in my surroundings with the nerves still swirling around in my belly.

“Bedrooms are down here.” Mary moves us further through the house. “Yours is the last one.” We walk to the last bedroom on the right as Mary continues to talk.

“Everything you need is in here. Your own bathroom, and I’ve left clean towels on your bed,” she says as she opens the door to what will be my room while I’m here.

“Thank you,” I say, not sure how I’m going to be able to shower with my cast and ribs wrapped up, but I’ll think about it later.

“Now, can I offer you something to drink?” She steps back out of the room.

“No thank you. I think I might just go say goodbye to Beau and then take a nap. I’m really exhausted from the ride.”

“Of course, dear. You let me know if you need anything at all.” She offers a warm smile before leaving me alone. I don’t wait around; instead, I make my way back out to the front in search of Beau. He’s sitting on the front porch when I finally step back outside, talking on his phone. I hang back, not wanting to interrupt.

“Yep, I’m done here. I’m heading out now. See you soon.” He ends the call then stands, our eyes locking onto one another’s. “You settled in, darlin’?” I nod and watch him step forward slowly.

“Good. Okay, well, I gotta head out. You’re in good hands here, darlin.” He tries to reassure me once again and for the most part, he does, but I’m still hesitant.

“Thank you for everything, Beau. For saving me.” It’s not enough, but I have to give him something.

“You saved yourself, darlin’. I just gave you a helping hand.” He brushes it off as nothing and maybe for him it is. Maybe he does this sort of thing every week, but to me it’s huge.

“You’re gonna be all right, Mackenzie. You’ll heal up, get your life sorted, settle down somewhere and this will be your past.”

“He’s not going to stop looking for me, you know? I’ll always be looking over my shoulder.” I disagree with him and remind myself of the hard truth. “This won’t be my past. He won’t let it be.”

“This life isn’t easy, darlin’. I wish for your sake it was, but look at you now. Look what you’ve been living. Now look at the new chance you have right here. What’s the alternative? You want to go back? You say you can’t fight him, his connections are too strong. There is only one option here then, you gotta do what you gotta do.”

I know he’s right. I stayed too long with Chad, and I wasn’t strong enough to fight him, nor was I strong enough to leave him.

Until now.

“Well, thank you for giving me that chance.” I reach out to touch his arm, but stop mid-air and drop it back down. “I really appreciate it.”

“Listen, if you ever need anything, Mackenzie, anything, you know how to find me, okay?” he offers. I don’t reply, but I take it in as my last resort. “Anytime. You just look me up.” He takes my hand and gently squeezes it before taking the steps and moving back to his van. He doesn’t look back and I don’t watch him leave. I just step up to the porch swing, take a seat, and look out at the empty sky ahead of me.

I stay out on the porch for the rest of the day, until the blue sky turns inky black. I don’t eat dinner with Larry and Mary, my stomach still tied in knots. I don’t engage in any conversations, my mind too lost in thoughts. I just sit on their porch swing and think.

Think about what I am going to do with my life. Where I will end up. All these new possibilities and I have no idea how to process it.

I don’t think about Chad and how he would be reacting to the news I was gone. I don’t think about Heidi, my only friend left behind. And I especially don’t think about Beau, or the fact him leaving me in the middle of nowhere felt worse than leaving behind my whole life. Maybe later I will process it, but tonight I don’t want to deal. I don’t want to feel. I just want to sit.

I am free.

I have escaped.

I don’t know how long it will last, but tonight it doesn’t matter.

Nothing matters.

Twenty-Two

Beau

“Open up, Beau, I know you’re in there.” The knock on the door pulls me out of sleep and back to my living room.

Fuck, here we go.

“Kenz, wake up.” I shift her naked body off me and take stock of my surroundings. It can’t be later than six. The afternoon sun is just starting to darken the room.

“What’s happening?” Kenzie yawns, stretching her arms up over her head. Her tits push out in front of her and I have to physically stop myself from touching her.

Keep it together, man. Just get rid of Nix first.

“Nix is here. Go put some clothes on.” I help her up then watch her naked ass walk down the hall.

Fuck, I could just ignore him like I’ve done the last three days.

“Beau, I’m not fuckin’ kiddin’. Open the fuckin’ door.” Nix’s pissed-off voice reminds me why that’s not a good idea.

“Hold the fuck on. I’m coming.” I reach for my discarded jeans and step into them before heading to the door. I should have known this was coming. Judging by the constant calls I’ve been ignoring for three days, this was inevitable. Bracing myself for what’s to come, I arrange my face and pull the front door open.

“What?” I greet, not giving one fuck Nix is probably about to lay me out. The last three days of having a naked Mackenzie anytime I want was worth it though.

“You missed the meet.” He pushes the door further open and storms past me.

“Sorry. Forgot.” I’m surprised his fist didn’t greet me. Not giving up on it still happening, I close the door and follow him into the kitchen.

“You forgot?” He practically scoffs. “You forget you cut some fucker’s fingers off, then left me with the fallout.” He flicks the coffee machine on and moves to the fridge, making himself at home.

Fucker.

“I know, shit.” I rub my face in frustration. Probably not my best move leaving the club with all my shit.

“You’re fuckin’ her.” It’s not a question, but a statement, one that pisses me off.

“Not your fucking business, Nix.” I step up to the coffee machine and take over, getting the pot started for a fresh brew.

“It’s my business if you’re gettin’ your priorities messed up, Beau.”

“I missed one meet. Don’t get your panties twisted.” I press the brew button then turn back to him.

“You’re too busy gettin’ your dick wet to know this shit with the club is fuckin’ important.”

“Don’t go there, Nix.” I force myself to stand down. I’d love nothing more than to take the three steps toward him and fucking knock him on his ass, but I remember Kenzie is here, probably about to come in here and the last thing she needs to see is me raging.

“I’m fuckin’ already there, brother. You’ve been off the grid for three days. Must be some pussy.” His remark pushes me too far, and before I can think of the consequences, I manage to step into his space and connect my fist to his jaw, knocking him back against the counter.

“The fuck, Beau?” He recoils, his hand wiping the small amount of blood from the corner of his mouth. “You’re out of fuckin’ line, Beau.” He steps forward, pushes me back and returns a fist to my nose. Pain spreads across my face. Blood spills instantly, but I don’t have a chance to stop it before he locks me in a headlock. I don’t give him the upper hand for too long before I twist out of his hold and take another swing at him. This time connecting with the side of his head.

“You really wanna do this?” Nix grins as I twist my fingers into the front of his shirt.

“You went there.” I hold him steady in my grasp, weighing up my options. I could hit him again, but he’ll only fucking come back at me.

“Beau? Wh-what’s going on?” Mackenzie’s panicked voice breaks the tension, pulling me back to the room.

“Fuck.” I twist my face to my sleeve, wiping the blood from my face, before pushing Nix back and spinning to face her. “Darlin’.” I step toward her and watch fear wash over her face.

“Beau? Did you cut someone’s finger off?” She steps back, her eyes dodging between me and Nix.

“No, darlin’. Nix is fucking around. Right, Nix?” I turn back to Nix and watch him smirk.

“Sorry, sweetheart. I was just messin’ with him.” He backs me up, but I’m not sure it’s enough.

“Relax, darlin’.” I force my voice louder, trying to pull her out of her head. She’s scared. No fucking mystery there, but she needs to know she’s safe.

“Of course you’re joking.” She takes another look between us both before visibly relaxing. “Is everything okay?”

“All good, darlin’.” She holds my gaze searching for truth, but I don’t give it to her.

“I might go have a shower.” I look down and see she’s thrown on one of my shirts and an old pair of shorts.

“No problem, darlin’.” I give her what I hope is a reassuring smile then watch her retreat out of the kitchen. After hearing the bathroom door close, I turn back to Nix.

“You’re an asshole.” I level my stare at him.

“You done?”

“Yeah, I’m done,” I hiss, letting out a breath past my teeth.

“Good.” He shakes his head then moves back to the coffee machine. “You got yourself in deep over some pussy, brother.”

“I’ll hit you again, you call her pussy one more fucking time,” I seethe, knowing I’m only working myself up again.

“Didn’t think I’d ever see it.” We both know he’s full of shit. This has been a long time coming.

“Just don’t fucking talk about my woman’s pussy again, we won’t have a problem.”

“Your woman?” One brow lifts and he tries to stop himself from grinning. He fails miserably.

“Yep,” I admit, knowing this is where I’m heading. I never did see myself settling down.

Until her.

“Well, about fucking time.” He claps me on the back then hands me my cup filled with freshly brewed coffee. The shower turns on just as I take it and then move to the table to sit.

“What the fuck’s been going on anyway?”

Nix follows me over and pulls out the chair next to me.

“Clubhouse is cleaned up. No, thanks to you.” I ignore his dig and wait for him to continue. “Had a meet with the Warriors. You missed that clusterfuck, too.”

“I take it T received my package?”

“He wasn’t happy. But Baz has been giving him a headache since you took his woman. And after this shit, he owes us.” I nod, glad we’re not in debt to the assholes anymore. After the marker Jesse pulled for Paige, I was sweating what we might have been pulled into.

“Anything else?” I ask when he relays the rest of the meet and fills me in on everything else that’s been happening. The shower’s been off for five minutes now and I just know Mackenzie’s retreated back to her room probably freaking the fuck out.

“Pretty much. Just checkin’ to make sure you’re eatin’. Looks of things you have it sorted.” He smirks, taking a look around. I take stock of the kitchen and notice the mess.

Jesus, we have gone off the grid.

“Okay, well, reunion is over. You can piss off now.” I finish my coffee and stand.

“Club’s having a BBQ on Friday. Can I let my wife know you’ll release Mackenzie for a few hours?”

“It’s been fucking three days, calm your tits.”

“Hey, you’re lucky it’s me and not Kadence here.” He stands and slaps me on the back before walking back toward the front door. I don’t stop his retreat, I want him out.

“Tell Mackenzie I hope she’s feelin’ better. Must have been some virus.” He flicks his wrist goodbye then opens the front door and leaves.

Smartass.

Not giving him a second thought, I head back down the hall to check in with Mackenzie. Her door is closed and the fact she didn’t come to my bedroom is not lost on me.

“Kenzie?” I knock once and wait.

“Just need a minute, Beau,” she calls back, but I don’t want to fucking wait a minute.

“Open up, darlin’.”

“Beau, I just need a minute.”

“And I’ll give you a minute. Just not behind a door, getting lost in your head.”

“Beau.”

“Mackenzie.” The air grows silent, and I contemplate kicking the door down before the door swings open. She doesn’t come out, so I step in.

“I’m really fine.” She looks up and finds my eyes. She’s already dressed in tight dark jeans and a black singlet. Her hair is wet from the shower, loose around her shoulders. I can see she wants me to believe she’s okay, but I know she’s lying. I can see her unease in the way she holds herself. It’s almost like she’s standing in front of me the first day she came back.

“You don’t look fine. You look scared.”

“I’m a little worried.” She turns and sits her ass on the bed with her gaze on the ground.

“You have nothing to be worried about.”

“I walk out and see you fighting with Nix, bloodied nose and you tell me I shouldn’t be worried.”

“It was nothing, darlin’.”

“So you weren’t fighting over me?”

“No. Nix was being an ass.” Her brows rise calling bullshit.

“I told you it was a bad idea to not go in. The clubhouse was trashed. They needed us.” I know what she told me, but it didn’t matter. We both needed the last few days.

“Best three days of my life.” I step up to her, and lightly push her shoulder.

“Yeah?” She falls back and smirks up at me, and I let it settle over me. This is what I need. Her playful, carefree, not worrying about club shit.

“Especially when I made you come with my mouth.” I lean over her, trailing kisses down her neck before settling my weight above her.

“Haven’t you had enough?” Her breath hitches as she tilts her head back allowing me more access.

“I don’t think I’ll ever have enough of you, darlin’,” I admit, letting the truth fall between us. We haven’t said where this is going between us, but anyone can see this is moving hard and fast.

“You say that now, Beau.” Sadness flicks in her eyes before disappearing just as fast. It’s not the first time it’s happened. At first I thought it was about Chad. But sometimes it’s like it’s bigger than that. Over the last few days, I’ve seen it more than I care to admit. I’ve asked her about it, but she just shuts right down.

“I’ll say it then too,” I promise her, knowing more than anything it’s the truth. Yeah, it’s barely been a week of having her in my bed, but this here, whatever the fuck it is, is more. More than sex. More than helping her with her ex. It is more than both of us. Sy was right that night at the hospital. She is dangerous. She has gotten under my skin and buried herself deep.

And I’m not sure I want her out.

No, I know I don’t want her out.

“So what do you think?” I ask Mackenzie a week later as she takes in our new venture. We’re in town at Missy’s Place, and I just revealed to her everything we have planned here.

“It’s amazing, Beau. I can’t believe you’re doing this.” She spins, turning back to me. I don’t know why it bothers me to know what she thinks, but it does. As much as I’m doing this for Missy, I’m doing it for her too. For all the women like her.

“It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time.” I shrug, as she steps into my space.

“You’re incredible.” She reaches up, places her hands around my neck, and pulls me down to her lips.

“One day you’re going to have to tell me Missy’s story,” she whispers over my mouth and I can’t stop the tension tightening my stance.

“Not much to tell, darlin’.” I press forward and deepen the kiss, stopping all talk of Missy. She knows my sister died. Knows her name is Missy. She just doesn’t know the story.

“You’re opening this place because of her, Beau. She’s your someone special.” She reminds me of our past, and I’d be lying if I said the walls around my heart didn’t shatter just a bit at the mention of the conversation back in the hospital all those months ago. I remember the night. She asked me why I did this. Why I risked everything to save women. I wasn’t going to answer. I didn’t want to. But she was lying in that hospital bed. She had no one and I wanted her to know why, understand why she was important. The words fell out before I could put them back in. And then she gave me something no one has ever given me before.

Grace.

Fucking grace.

This woman who I knew nothing about me, gave it to me, and fuck if I didn’t want to lie down in the bed with her and beg for more.

“No secret as to why I do any of this. Her asshole husband killed her.” I shake my head from all those thoughts, reach up, unclasp her hands from my neck then take a step back.

“It’s okay, Beau. I’m sure there’s more to her story, but you don’t have to talk about it with me.” She’s not offended by my retreat. If anything, she’s composed, reassuring.

“I’m not trying to hide it from you, darlin’. Just don’t like to talk about it.”

“Okay, honey,” she whispers, and then diverts her gaze back to the main room. I’m a fucking asshole, especially when she’s so fucking understanding, but I’m not getting into it with her today or here.

“Come on, I’ll show you the rooms.” I take her hand and show her through to the rest of the house.

The shelter is big enough to accommodate ten residents with full staff at any one time. With twelve private bedrooms, large enough for mothers with children, two large communal dining rooms, and an industrial-size kitchen, they will have the privacy to come and go as they please, with the option to interact with anyone else in the house in the communal areas.

“You know, I wish I had this as an option.” Mackenzie steps into one of the bedrooms and walks around.

“Wish you did too, darlin’.” I watch her face as she takes in the room, running her hand along the freshly painted wall.

“I was lucky I had Heidi, and you.” She looks up, and I take a moment to see how far she’s come. She’s no longer this jumpy, scared woman in fear of her life. She doesn’t let the past hold her back. She’s stronger, braver.

“You did good, Kenz. Even without all this.” She shrugs, like the statement is questionable. But it’s not. She’s come so fucking far.

“Maybe, but I still wish I did some things differently. Wish I never went to her that night.” She’s talking about Heidi.

“And who knows what would have happened to you then, darlin’, if you didn’t get away.”

“At least Heidi wouldn’t be missing, God knows where she is because of me, Beau.” It’s the first time she has spoken about Heidi in a while. I don’t want to upset her, but maybe she’s willing to open up about it. She’s been so shut down, I don’t know where her head is at.

“We’ll find her, darlin’.”

“I doubt it.” She worries at her lip, and I wonder what the hell that’s supposed to mean.

“I understand your doubt in the sheriff’s department, but I’ve told you before, Jackson is on our side.”

“You’re right. I’m just over reacting. Heidi probably ran off and got married.” She steps up to me, and wraps her arms around my middle. My arms instantly wrap around her, pulling her closer into me.

Her apprehension rings out loud and clear, and I understand it. After all, the last conversation she had with her friend wasn't very comforting for her. I wish I could take it away. I wish I had more information to tell her, to ease the worry in her heart.

The truth is the chances of finding Heidi are slim. But I’m not telling Mackenzie that. She’s been through so much, has lost so much. If we discover she lost her friend, too, I don't know if she will ever recover.

Not wanting to keep us in this moment, I don’t push the conversation anymore. “Come on, you’ve seen around. Let’s go.” I take her hand in mine as we move back through the shelter to start locking up.

“We’re going home?” She reaches for her bag.

“No, we gotta head to the clubhouse. Our presence is needed.”

“Great.” She sighs but grins when I turn to look at her reaction. She acts like she’s uncomfortable around them, but we both know that’s not the case. She’s starting to become part of the family. The girls have accepted her into their fold, and once the guys find out I’ve claimed her as mine, it won’t be long till they’re giving her shit over me.

“Don’t worry. It’s just a family BBQ,” I tell her as I lead her out the same way we came in. I didn’t take her to last week’s one, after Nix specifically told me to; instead, I opted to keep her in my bed, nowhere near ready to share her.

“Maybe I should just hang back at home then.” She tries to get out of it, but if I’m going, she’s coming. She’s family.

“Come on. The quicker we do this, the quicker I can have you back in my bed.” Once out, I follow behind her pulling the door closed with me before grabbing the keys out of my pocket and locking up.

“I’m serious, Beau.” I drape my arm around her shoulders and steer us back to my bike.

“And this is me showing you I haven’t had enough, darlin’.” I won’t let her try to weasel her way out of it. Before she tries to fight it more, I take her bag and stash it in my saddlebag, plant her ass on my bike, take my seat in front of her, and start it up. She stops her arguing, wraps her arms around my waist and molds her front to my back.

Just like that, she submits.

Fuck me, could she be any more perfect?