Текст книги "Perfection Is Just An Illusion"
Автор книги: Rebecca Barber
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Текущая страница: 7 (всего у книги 17 страниц)
Chapter 6
Anna
A few weeks later Anna was feeling much better. After a visit to the doctor, she had been allowed to get rid of that horrid wheelchair and plaster cast. Instead she was fitted with a fibreglass cast and given crutches. Anna liked the idea of being able to move again. Her independence was back and she no longer had to rely on anyone to babysit her. She was once again mobile. James’s face lit up when he saw his fiancée with a beautiful dazzling smile on her face.
Sitting on the lounge, book in hand, Anna couldn’t help but grin when Diana came in carrying a large white box with a big blue bow wrapped around it. Diana’s eyes were alight with mischief. “Here you go, sweetheart.” She smiled, sliding the box into Anna’s lap.
“Diana.” Anna’s heart melted. Everyone had been so nice to her while she was invading their home and now Diana was giving her yet another gift. “You didn’t have to do this. Thank you.”
“Open it.”
Anna felt like a princess, a very spoilt princess. Carefully Anna untied the bow and opened the box. Anna was surprised by the heaviness in her lap. Removing the lid, Anna spied the pile of magazines. Bridal magazines. Absentmindedly she flipped through the pages—dresses, cakes, flowers, and anything else that could somehow have taffeta attached to it.
“Diana, I can’t possibly thank you enough for…for everything,” Anna spluttered, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. “I hadn’t even started thinking about it, let alone planning a wedding. Thanks.” Anna felt better that she was at least telling the truth. It felt like an eternity since Anna had even felt like she’d been able to just tell the whole, honest truth. And the truth was she hadn’t even considered beginning to plan a wedding. It was too early. Anna felt like she’d barely had a chance to catch her breath. After all they hadn’t even been engaged that long, it wasn’t as if she was exactly dragging her feet. As a silent tear slipped down Anna’s cheek, James chose that moment to stroll through the door.
He had just arrived home from some sponsorship meeting, looking sexy as hell but completely exhausted. “Oh, isn’t that sweet—my two favourite ladies together.” He grinned, leaning over the back of the lounge kissing his mother and Anna on the head. “What’s this?” he asked, picking up the bow off the ground.
“Well,” Anna began, “your mother brought me a present.”
“Where’s mine? Nah, just kidding.” James laughed. “What is it?” he asked, plonking himself down on the arm of the lounge. Anna didn’t answer, she just held up one of the magazines.
“So, which one have you picked?” James inquired, raising a quizzical eyebrow.
“Excuse me?” Anna was startled. She hadn’t even thought about the wedding and now James was asking her which dress she wanted.
Before Anna could summon an answer, Diana cut her off. “It’s tradition. You’re not allowed to know until she walks down the aisle and takes your breath away,” Diana stated matter-of-factly, grabbing a magazine. “Now my favourite son…”
“I’m your only son,” James grumbled.
“Yes, you are, so you’re the favourite. You know I love you but we have secret women’s business to attend to, so if you don’t mind…scat.” Diana waved her hand dismissively.
“Fine! I can take a hint…” James protested.
“Who has secret women’s business?” Renee questioned, gliding through the front door.
“I’m definitely leaving. Love you.” He smiled, blowing Anna a kiss.
Moments later Anna and Diana were perched at the kitchen table sipping steaming cups of coffee. Diana had her pen poised, ready to write down any and all decisions that Anna made. Renee was still ruffling through the kitchen cupboards in search of some chocolate biscuits. After all, it couldn’t be women’s business without chocolate. No decision ever made was a good one unless it was under the influence of chocolatey goodness. The table was covered in magazines, Renee’s wedding photos, and they had even managed to find some of Diana’s. The women had morphed into planning mode without batting an eyelash.
“So, let’s start at the beginning. The date. When do you want to get married?” Diana’s face was full of excitement. She reminded Anna of an impatient child on Christmas Eve.
“I don’t know. I need to talk to James about that sort of stuff.” Anna giggled happily.
“Listen to me carefully, Anna. I am James’s mother and I love him more than life itself, but he can’t even decide whether he wants vegemite or jam on his toast in the morning. The only thing we need to consider on James’s behalf are the World Championships early next year.” Renee could barely hold herself together. She was laughing at her mother, who was finally admitting that perhaps her precious baby boy wasn’t perfect.
***
James
All three women were laughing as James strode through the kitchen and dived headfirst into the fridge. “Watch this.” Renee smirked. “James, when do you want to get married?”
“That’s a stupid question. I would be happy to get married today if it meant that I didn’t have to go through all the crap. I did the hard part. The rest is Anna’s decision,” James declared.
“The hard part?” Renee enquired.
“Yep, the hard part.” James grinned, pulling his head out of the fridge, half an apple hanging out of his mouth. “I convinced her to say yes!” James’s eyes gleamed and Anna felt heat rush to her cheeks.
“Really, I don’t want a fuss. Can’t we just elope?” Anna suggested with a shrug.
“Sounds good to me. Sunday work for you?”
“Hell no!” Diana objected with a ferocity that stunned everyone. “The whole point of having a wedding is so everyone can fuss over you. On that day everything is perfect and it becomes a day the two of you will remember forever. That’s the point of a wedding. It’s the day you stop living two separate lives and start sharing one,” Diana lectured.
“Hey, I have an idea. What do you think of this? We elope to some tropical island, get married by a reggae man with dreadlocks, and then party all night at the local Bikini Bar, sipping exotic cocktails that are filled with fruit and those tiny umbrellas. You can’t say that wouldn’t be memorable,” James tormented. Anna saw the mischief written all over his face. Anna knew that James loved nothing more than winding his mother up and watching her reaction. Shaking his head, James wandered outside and left them to argue over the details.
Three hours later a completely overwhelmed and exhausted Anna emerged from a world of wedding dresses and flower arrangements. James had just finished mowing the lawn. He was all sweaty and covered by a thin layer of dirt. He was bare-chested and wandering aimlessly around the backyard. The sun bounced off his strong, glistening shoulders, making him look like some kind of Australian god. Anna’s mouth watered with want.
“Well, well, well. It’s about bloody time you did some real work.” Anna laughed, hobbling towards him as she balanced on her crutches.
“Listen here, Missy…” James grinned, sauntering towards her. Her mouth was dry. The swagger in his hips had her hypnotised. “I do real work all the time. In fact I, do more real work than you do.” James grinned his panty wetting smile as he picked her up and threw her over his shoulders effortlessly. “Now, you were saying what exactly?”
Wrapping her arms around James tightly, Anna was in her element. Any time she was encased in those arms she was in her happy place. Despite the scent of dirt and sweat and something purely masculine, Anna breathed in a deep breath. For the first time in weeks things felt like they were back to the way they were before, and Anna couldn’t even find the strength or the desire to pretend that she was anything less than ecstatic about it.
“Umm, I forgot. Guess what?” Anna murmured, as her tongue snaked out and licked him behind his ear. Goosebumps covered James’s skin instantly but Anna knew it wasn’t from cold. She could feel the warmth of his skin beneath her hands and she knew he was burning up. “If we ever end up buying a house, I want to have the biggest backyard you’ve ever seen. Acreage even!”
“Acreage? What the hell for?” James asked, confusion in his gravelly voice.
“That way you can mow it all the time and look as damn sexy as you do right now,” Anna whispered, nibbling on his ear lobe.
“Firstly, it’s a matter of when, not if. And I can guarantee it we will have a huge backyard. But you, my darling, you can mow the lawn. With your shirt off,” James mumbled, distracted by the attention Anna was paying his ear. “Well, it is pretty hot out here this afternoon. I think I might just take a dip. Cool off.”
“Okay, just put me down first.”
“Put you down? No problem.” James laughed his evil, maniacal laugh. Anna knew he was up to no good but had no time to react. With a cackle, James tossed her into the pool. Anna landed with a flop. With a wink, James dived in right beside her, causing Anna to swallow a mouthful of salty water. Before long James and Anna were splashing about like carefree children without a care in the world. Things were back to normal. Life was back to normal. And Anna was ecstatic. Dancing on cloud nine was definitely an understated way of describing Anna’s current mood.
Then without warning the moment was shattered. Diana was racing across the backyard screaming to James to come to the phone. Neither Anna nor James had heard her cries. They were too caught up in their own fun. “James! Phone. It’s Susie,” Diana panted breathlessly. With that, James felt his stomach plummet. He sprang out of the pool without missing a beat and ran inside. Diana helped Anna up the stairs and across the backyard before wrapping her in a towel.
Chapter 7
Susie was Darnell’s nurse. Darnell was one James’s biggest fans, but he was so much more. He was James’s inspiration. He was James’s guiding light. He was James’s motivation. He was James’s conscience, but he was also James’s grandfather. A few years ago Darnell had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. After spending months trying and testing various care facilities, the heart breaking decision had been made that it was time for him to go into a nursing home. He’d only been in his new home barely a week when Darnell was struck down with a potentially fatal strain of pneumonia. With his already old and weakened immune system, it had almost killed him. That was two years ago now. But Darnell had always been a fighter. His strength and determination had helped him through the worst of it, even after the doctors had given up. His strength and persistence had faded and he had long ago accepted the inevitable. Death was coming—sooner rather than later. It was no longer a faraway possibility, it had become a reality. But Darnell was no longer scared of dying, but instead he insisted that dying was just a part of life. A part he was ready for when his time was up.
With his death sentence hanging over his head, Darnell became obsessed with making the best out of the time he had left. He’d often sent letters to his grandson begging him to come and visit. James never once considered visiting his grandfather as a chore, but rather relished the opportunity. After only a few short visits, James and Darnell had become inseparable. James would disappear into the hospital for hours. They would play card games, talk, or just sit in silence and stare out the window. Hours would pass while they pondered the normality from which both men had been excluded. James would recount tales of all the exciting people he had met, the spectacular places he’d visited, and the amazing things he’d done. Darnell was always excited to hear news of James’s worldly adventures.
When James made the Australian team to compete in the US, without hesitation he’d arranged for Darnell and Susie to fly over to watch. James was bubbling with unadulterated excitement at the thought of his best friend, an old man, battling a disease which would inevitably claim his memories, and being able to give him the opportunity to sit in the grandstand and be his greatest cheerleader. James had faced a lot in his short, action-packed life, but watching his headstrong grandfather struggle with reality, determined to make the most out of every day, gave him the strength to keep going.
Now Susie was on the phone and she was about to rock James’s stable world in a way he could never have prepared himself for, and in a way he would never recover from.
“Hi, Susie,” James’s voice wavered.
“James…” Susie was sobbing softly. James’s mind was spinning.
Shit! What the hell has happened? he thought.
“James…It’s Darnell.”
“What’s happened, Susie? Just tell me!” James blurted out, sitting down on the edge of the table. Diana saw the raw emotions consuming James’s face. All of a sudden her son, who had barely moments ago been bouncing about in the pool like an innocent child with his fiancée, was now contorted with pain and fear. Diana sunk down next to him, intertwining her fingers with his. If he needed her she would be there, no matter the outcome. If he needed comforting, if he needed support, Diana would be right beside him, waiting patiently.
“He…his body just gave up. He was just so sick and so tired but it’s over now. He just…he couldn’t fight any longer. I’m sorry, James, but Darnell’s gone,” Susie sobbed.
All of his worst fears had been confirmed. Darnell was gone; but they weren’t finished yet. He knew there was nothing he could do about it. And with that knowledge, James’s heart shattered.
For the past year while James had been off winning medals, breaking records, and falling in love, Darnell had been breaking his own set of records. He broke the record for the number of times he’d cheated death. James had watched him as he deteriorated from a chubby old man to someone who could hide behind a signpost. Now he was gone and James felt more lost and more alone than he ever imagined possible.
Nobody knew what to do or say. Anna watched helplessly as James’s heart broke. James didn’t speak; the shock had completely overwhelmed him. His body was numb and heavy. He just sat at the table, staring out the window.
After a few minutes of painful, stifling silence, James began to babble incoherently. Nothing he said made sense. Yet they all listened carefully, trying desperately to piece it together. James was lost in a sea of emotion. Although he pretended to be tough, it was all fake. James was as soft as a marshmallow. He’d always hoped for the best, hoped that he would get better but James couldn’t help but do everything he could to ignore reality. Diana had never seen James like this before. And for the first time everyone could see just how much his grandfather really meant to him.
When Anna and James arrived hand in hand at the funeral two days later, James was battling fatigue and exhaustion. In the past few months James had ridden an emotional roller coaster. He had endured the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. He had faced and overcome every possible emotion life had thrown at him. Joy and sadness; pain and suffering; loss and heartache. Now he stood in silence trapped by his own thoughts. Despite the warmth of the sun shining down, James had donned his black suit and shirt. Anna wore a shapeless black dress as she stood dutifully beside James. Anna clung to James’s hand supportively and never once looked like she would let go. It was a small, intimate gathering of close friends and family. That was until the press arrived.
James saw one man jump from his truck and grab his camera. “The nerve of those bastards. How dare they come here! Don’t they have any respect?” James bellowed. Anna recognised the pure hatred in his eyes and knew he was moments away from committing murder. Anna was forced to hold him back before he said or did something that would jeopardise everything he had worked so hard for.
“Let them go. They’re just trying to get under your skin. Don’t let them win. Just forget about them and let’s get out of here,” Anna persuaded him, half dragging him toward the awaiting car. The drive home took forever. Maybe it was the eerie silence that dragged it out or perhaps it was the day’s events replaying over and over.
***
Anna
The day after Darnell’s funeral, James threw himself back into full training. Even in death Darnell inspired James to train harder, race faster, and love more ferociously. James was training for six hours a day. He was swimming further, lifting more weights, and had even started taking yoga classes to increase his already superhuman flexibility. Anna had never seen James this dedicated. And as impressed as she was she couldn’t help but be nervous that he would overdo it and burn himself out before he even got to Manchester in six months. If Anna had gotten any say, James would have taken at least a few days’ break to mourn Darnell, to give him time to emotionally recover. But with so many people with hopes riding on him, weighing him down, Anna wasn’t delusional enough to believe James would ever agree. She couldn’t tell him how to cope with such an enormous loss. All she could do was be there for him.
Days passed and James’s grief got worse. He kept regurgitating to Anna over and over that it was his fault. He should have done something to help him. He should have been there to look after him; to talk to him. James’s guilt was all-consuming and it was eating him alive. It didn’t matter what Anna said or did, nothing was getting through to him. James still couldn’t accept it. Maybe it was his pride that wouldn’t let him. Or maybe it was the pain that he had convinced himself that he deserved.
“James, you couldn’t be there all the time. He didn’t want that for you. You know he didn’t.” Anna watched as James sobbed aimlessly. It broke Anna’s heart.
“But…I…should have been there, to look after him.”
“James, you did look after him. And you looked after me when I needed you. You did a great job. Look at me. I’m walking with no cast and no crutches. You can’t even tell that I was all banged up and broken. But James, you can’t feel guilty. It will eat you alive. Not about this. There is no cure for Alzheimer’s. You know that. And until there is there is nothing anyone can do. Not even you.” Anna apologized as she watched James crumple into a ball in her lap. Ever since the news of Darnell’s death, James had ended every day like this—crying on Anna’s shoulder. It was the only place where he felt totally safe, free to fall apart and not be judged, to not be made to feel like a fool, free to be himself.
Swallowing the lump in her throat, Anna turned to James. “I know this is the worst possible time to tell you this, but I’m going to move back into my flat tomorrow. I really am grateful to your parents for putting up with me, especially for this long, but its time I went home. You have to concentrate on your training. You have the World Championships coming up in a few months that you need to focus on.” Anna felt like the biggest bitch in the world. Here James was distraught over the loss of his grandfather and she drops a bomb on him that she is moving out. Nice one, Anna scolded herself silently.
“Is that what you really want?” James eyes were full of unshed tears. Anna couldn’t believe that she had found yet another way to hurt the man she loved.
“It’s what’s best. I’ll still see you every day. Promise. Things will be just like they were before. It won’t really make that much difference…”
James snapped, “It will. Can’t you see that? Are you really that naïve that you don’t think this will change everything? Everything, Anna.” Anna had never seen James so angry. His gaze pierced her skin and burned her soul.
Anna couldn’t wrap her head around his overly dramatic reaction. “What will it change? Besides my address, it won’t change anything. We’re still us.”
“It will. I can’t believe you are being so stupid. Right now I get to come home from training every night and find you here waiting for me. I love knowing that when I get home there’s someone there for me, someone who’s looking forward to seeing me and someone I can’t wait to see. Once you’re back at your place I won’t have that. I know I’m being a selfish prick but that’s the truth. I want you to stay. I want you to stay for me. What is it that you don’t like? Don’t you like being here when I get home?”
Guilt was a bitch. It was eating away at her. “You know I do, it’s just…we always knew that this was temporary. It was always just until I got myself back together. Now I feel better, and it’s time for me to go home, to sleep in my own bed. Please, try and understand. James, I love you and I love being here, but sleeping in your parents’ guest room isn’t the same as sleeping in my own bed. Your parents have been amazing and you know that I love them, but it’s time. Besides,” Anna said, throwing her arms around his neck dramatically, “once we’re married you will be so sick of me you’ll be packing my bags for me and begging me to move out.” Anna let out a sigh of relief. She had done it. Somehow she’d managed to make him smile. Something she hadn’t seen in a while. And it took her breath away.
“Don’t bet on it, Princess,” James mumbled incoherently as he wrapped his arms around her waist.
Reluctantly James nodded. “Come on, I’ll help you pack.” He placed a chaste kiss on her lips.
