Текст книги "Perfection Is Just An Illusion"

Автор книги: Rebecca Barber

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 2 (всего у книги 17 страниц)

“Anna…you look so…fucking hot,” Matt spluttered, still struggling to form a coherent sentence. At that moment two long, warm, and muscled arms slid around her waist. James was there.

“Hey! Don’t even think about it. She’s mine.” James laughed, spinning her around to face him.

Anna quickly forgot about everyone else and became transfixed on James. But Anna could tell instantly something wasn’t quite right. His eyes darted around above her, scouring the crowd. Although she wasn’t sure what he was worried about, Anna prayed she hadn’t done something wrong. Her worst fears played out in her mind and she was terrified she had somehow embarrassed him.

“James? What’s wrong?” Anna queried nervously, looking up into his face.

His jaw was clenched and Anna’s stomach lurched. Sighing heavily, James leaned down and whispered into her ear, “You know, everyone in this room is looking at you, thinking how absolutely incredible you look.”

Relief consumed her. Anna let out the breath she wasn’t even aware she had been holding. “See sweetie, that’s where you’re wrong. Everyone is looking at me thinking who’s that bitch dancing with that amazing guy who looks good enough to eat?” Anna replied, pulling him even closer, if that was actually possible.

“Well, the answers to their questions are simple. The woman I am dancing with is my fiancée. And the reason I’m dancing with her is because I love her very much,” James said, kissing her lightly on the top of her head. “Do you know what…? I don’t think we should get married,” James suggested.

“What?” Anna’s coughed, her obvious alarm only made him chuckle harder.

“Well…I’ve been thinking about it and I think I like the word fiancée way too much to give it up. But then again, I think the word ‘wife’ would grow on me.” As his words sunk in, a wave of relief washed over Anna’s face, relaxing her so she snuggled in even closer.

The song finished and Anna decided she needed some fresh air and a time out. Hand in hand they walked out of the doors onto the almost vacant patio. Maybe it was the cold air that kept everyone inside or maybe it was the bar serving the cut-price drinks that kept the patio lonely; whatever it was, it didn’t matter. Anna and James were finally alone. Without hesitation, he wrapped his arms protectively around her waist. The only question was what he was trying to protect her from—the freezing cold or something far more sinister. Whatever it was, it didn’t matter; as long as they were together nothing or no one could ever hurt them.

“How are you holding up?” James asked sincerely.

Anna looked up into this eyes and saw something there she didn’t recognise. Something she hadn’t seen before. There was a fear there that scared Anna.

“I’m okay. How ’bout you?” she asked, unable to hide the tremble in her voice.

Squeezing tighter, James looked down into Anna’s eyes, “I’m fine. Promise, Anna. But you, you look so…so different, Anna.”

Suddenly nervous, Anna couldn’t help but blurt out the words as they registered, “Is that a bad thing?”

“Absolutely not,” James replied firmly and without hesitation. “You’ll tell me when you’re ready to go?”

“Promise.” Anna confirmed, then let out a sigh of exhaustion. Her eyes widened when the doors opened and Grant stepped out, invading their private moment. James too, felt the mood change. Anna’s whole body tensed and she pressed into him.

“Just tell me when you want to go and we’ll go. I can’t stay much longer anyway. I have training early tomorrow, but if you want to stay…just ring me and I’ll come and get you. Whenever you’re ready.” James was sincere. Anna knew that if she wanted to stay out he would come when she called. No questions asked. But right now, Anna couldn’t stomach the thought of being separated from him. Not even for a couple of hours.

“If you want to stay, Anna…” Grant interrupted, “I can drop you home. No trouble at all.” Grant seems strange, Anna thought. She couldn’t understand after all they’d been through why he would still go out of his way to help her.

“Thanks, mate,” James responded, emotionlessly shaking Grant’s hand. Anna sensed James’s hesitation. There was a wariness there she’d never seen before but it was unmistakable. “There you go, Princess, lots of options. It’s up to you. What do you want to do?”

“I’ll come home with you,” she stated matter-of-factly, looking up at James. Anna couldn’t bring herself to look at Grant but murmured her thanks.

Grant just shrugged his shoulders and headed back inside. James watched Anna as Grant left; she physically relaxed as soon as he moved away from her. He felt her exhale the breath she’d nervously been holding. Whatever it was she didn’t want to tell him, it definitely had some connection to Grant.

“Come on…” James grinned, untangling himself from Anna. “One more dance then I’ll take you home. We’ll just say I have training early tomorrow,” James promised, grabbing her hands and led her back onto the dance floor.

While the old familiar songs played, James and Anna separated and began to bounce to the pulsating beat. Anna noticed most of her friends had already partnered off for the night. It was as if they played a sad game of musical beds to see who ended up with whom. It was a game that had been going on for years. Anna couldn’t help but think about how shallow it seemed. As long as the girls were skinny, blonde, and they wore a tight fitting top, they were a worthy partner. Anna remembered hearing stories of them waking up the next morning and couldn’t even remember the girl’s name. They truly were pathetic, superficial people. All of a sudden Anna’s eyes filled until they let a slow but steady stream of salty tears run over her cheeks.

Quickly she grasped James’s hand. “Get me out of here, please,” she whimpered. He was thrown into a state of shock. She tapped a few people on the shoulder and waved a half-hearted goodbye, not stopping to care about those she missed, just wanting to escape.

James helped her into her jacket before ushering her out the door and onto the street. Unsteady on her feet, somehow Anna managed to scramble into the front seat without saying a word. The whole trip to the hotel, not a word was spoken. Anna was frozen in her spot, sobbing steadily. James drove in silence, every few moments stealing a glance in her direction, confusion etched into his face as to what could have happened to make her that unhappy.

***

James

James’s mind was going a million miles an hour while Anna’s seemed to have stopped functioning altogether. She had fallen into an almost catatonic state. She looked numb. James pulled into the parking garage and switched off the ignition.

He looked over at Anna, reaching out to gently put his hand on her elbow. “Sweetheart, we’re here,” he said, no louder than a whisper, but she failed to react. Her eyes that had earlier this evening been filled with love and happiness were now empty and distant. While physically Anna may have been only a few feet from him, emotionally she might as well have been on the moon. Anna had vanished and now all that remained was an empty shell.

James climbed out and walked around and opened Anna’s door. Still she remained motionless. Reaching in, he unlatched her seatbelt and scooped her up into his arms. She didn’t flinch or even acknowledge him. Gently, as though she was made of glass, he tried to back out of the car. He almost bumped his own head on the roof, but Anna still failed to show any signs of life.

He carried her up to the room but still she remained silent. Delicately, James laid her in the centre of the king size bed and stepped back. Anna just curled into the foetal position. She was broken. Somehow, his sweet Anna had been broken. As he watched her with concerned eyes, he realised she was completely unaware of her surroundings. “What can I do?” he almost begged, praying for some kind of reaction, any kind of reaction. It didn’t matter as long as she moved, made a sound, looked as though she was still in there. But he got nothing.

Panic swamped James. How was he supposed to bring her out of this? How could he save her? What the hell happened? Who did this? James was trying his best to understand, but he just couldn’t. Anna had completely shut down and in doing so shut him out. Nothing he did reached her. Anna was stopping him from saving her. Unsure of what else he could try, James ran her a hot bubble bath.

The hotel suite was exquisite. No expense had been spared. It was a five star luxurious hotel, with views to die for. They had a room on the top floor overlooking the glistening green lake and fountain which dotted the air with a white froth. The room itself had a separate lounge dining room, a king size bed, a double spa bath as well as the biggest television James had ever seen. Each day someone would come in and arrange fresh towels in the bathroom, put crisp clean sheets on the bed, and arrange bright, beautiful bouquets of flowers on the table.

James didn’t know what to do next. He was completely out of his element. Willing to try anything once, he switched on the spa and watched as it began to spew bubbles into the fragrant water. James himself felt putrid. He stank of cigarette smoke and he knew he was in desperate need of a shower. The stench of the smoke from the club had penetrated his clothes and was trapped in the pores of his tanned skin. He knew Anna must have been feeling the same, if she could feel anything at all. Her thick hair was filled with the smell, and smiling to himself, James remembered almost gagging as he carried her upstairs. Desperate, he again tried to talk to her but she just stayed still, trapped in herself.

“Anna, did you want a bath? It will make you feel better, sweetheart.” James was trying his best not to smother her but he was beyond desperate. At last, a reaction! James never thought he would be so excited to see someone lift their head and look up at him with sad, tear-filled eyes.

“Mmm,” was all Anna managed to murmur. But that didn’t disappoint him. Nothing could. He’d gotten a reaction. And for the first moment since he’d put her in the car James felt like he was making progress. Maybe his Anna wasn’t completely lost to him.

James sat down carefully on the edge of the bed and removed Anna’s shoes. He was so sincerely concerned that he couldn’t pull his eyes from her. Sweat dotted his brow as he sucked in a deep breath. And when Anna sat up and reached for James’s hand his heart missed a beat and he felt like he was falling. With his hand in hers, their fingers intertwined, Anna’s face broke into a half-hearted smile. Slowly, she lifted his hands to her lips and lightly kissed each of his fingertips. One by one. James’s strong, calloused hands were warm against her soft cheek. And as James exhaled the breath he’d been holding, he realised everything would be okay. No matter what happened they could survive this. They would survive this. Together. The way it was supposed to be.

Refusing to break the connection now he had her back, James couldn’t help himself. In one fluid motion he swept Anna up into his arms and carried her across the room in a few short strides. When he put her down Anna’s shaky legs barely supported her, but somehow she managed to hold her own. The bathroom smelt like vanilla, overpowering the stench of cigarettes.

It was just after midnight when Anna lay sleeping soundly in James’s arms. Lying there in the darkness, Anna snoring softly beside him, James couldn’t help but feel disappointed by the way the day had turned out. He’d hoped for a nice, quiet, romantic dinner for just the two of them but instead it had ended in silent tears and a void that James wasn’t sure he could hurdle.

Rolling over, James glanced at the clock. It was already after two and he was still wide awake. The dreaded alarm would go off in only a few short hours and drag his weary body back to the pool. And as much as the thought of turning it off appealed, James knew that to be the best you had to put in the effort, which meant getting up at stupid o’clock and following the black line. Besides, when Anna was her normal self again she would kick his arse if she found out he skipped a training session. Especially if Anna had any inkling he missed it on her account.

Chapter 2

Anna

“Good morning! It’s five-thirty and you are listening to…” the alarm broke through the silence and both Anna and James were jolted awake. Anna was such a light sleeper it was only normal she’d woken. On any normal day Anna would have been up and off to training with James, but today was different. Or so he thought.

Anna was first out of bed and dressed quickly in her usual uniform: baggy navy track pants, sweater, and trainers. Her hair was already pulled back into a tight braid before James had even managed to pry open his tired eyes.

“What are you doing? Go back to bed, Anna,” James encouraged wearily, his arms flailing about.

“What do you think? I’m coming to training. I do it every morning. Why would today be any different?” Anna replied honestly. She was already on the floor working on her crunches.

“I just thought…” James suddenly stopped.

Anna looked at James and was overcome with guilt. He looked exhausted. He had dark black bags under his eyes. To Anna, he looked as though he’d only slept for a matter of minutes and needed another month of sleep just to catch up.

Without another objection, James dragged his slow, sleep deprived, sluggish body from under the covers and pulled on his clothes.

Driving to the pool they were both silent, lost in their thoughts. Anna stared blankly out the window. It was still dark and the streetlights looked more like fairy lights dotting the early morning sky. The grass was covered in a blanket of thick white frost; it reminded her of something from a children’s Christmas movie.

Anna pictured herself as a little eight-year-old girl with short brown curly hair and red rosy cheeks. She was wrapped in a pink jacket with matching scarf and beanie. Anna saw herself standing in the middle of the yard, pretending the frost was snow while she tried to make snowballs to throw at her brother. To Anna it felt as though this was more like a memory than a hallucination. It was so vivid, so real. She could see it all unfolding in front of her. She felt the chill in her bones. Anna’s little brother was wearing his blue jacket and matching gloves, while their parents watched from the bay windows, sipping their coffee.

“You sure you’re okay?” James’s voice snapped Anna out of her trance and back to reality.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Anna said, as she looked over at him and smiled. Anna wasn’t mad he had interrupted her train of thought, but in a strange way it made her kind of sad. She wished she could see what would happen next to the beautiful little girl and her brother.

She turned her head back and her focus was once again out the window. Anna sat and watched as the houses passed. Soon enough they arrived at the pool and as they did every day, Anna walked straight into the gym to begin her work out. When they first started training together they made a mutual decision they wouldn’t talk to each other while they were there. This was a place for training and exercise, not a place for socialising.

This time of morning was Anna’s favourite for working out. The gym was deserted and quiet. She could do her own thing, her own way, in her own time. It was the time of day that Anna felt most at peace. And it was when Anna allowed her imagination to consume her. Instantly her mind would take her on exotic journeys to the ends of the earth. Growing up Anna couldn’t have asked for a better childhood. She had done so much and tried so many different things, things many of her friends had never been allowed to. Experiences others fought for, and Anna was thankful for that. Yet it was Anna’s vivid imagination that provided her with her greatest escape. And now, here in the empty gym, Anna once again allowed her mind to completely consume her.

Without hesitation Anna stepped straight onto the treadmill and began to run. Her mornings, just like James’s, had become an extremely predictable routine, but that fact never seemed to worry her. Anna led a very safe life, one without much variation or chance of surprise. Anna enjoyed knowing at least one thing in her life was standard and wouldn’t change. Change terrified her. But by combining her routine with her colourful imagination, Anna found she never became bored. It was the perfect combination.

Anna knew as she pushed through her second kilometre James was undoubtedly lapping up and down the pool under the watchful eye of his coach. They’d been together since James was only eight years old and bellyflopping into the pool. They had been through a lot together and developed an almost indestructible friendship. Together they had faced drug allegations, swimsuit controversies, media backlash, and even sponsorship nightmares but the good far outweighed the bad. Together they had risen to the pinnacle of success. With his steady hand and guidance, James had become an Olympic gold medallist, world record holder, Australian titleholder, and won many school swimming carnival events. Each morning, while Anna was pushing herself harder and harder, James swam eight to ten kilometres. Each lap he tried to push himself harder than the lap before. Anna knew even after all this time together, James still loved the idea through all the predictability of their lives he still had it in him to leave Anna speechless when he emerged from the pool and still had energy to burn.

“Good morning,” a gravelly male voice said, making Anna almost jump out of her skin in shock.

“Morning,” she said, turning to see who it was.

As her eyes settled on the raspy voice, Anna quickly concluded he was most definitely an athlete, and not a bad looking one at that. For almost a whole second she forgot she was going to soon become Mrs. James Thompson.

“How did you get in here?” he inquired, raising a quizzical eyebrow.

“I came with a friend. He’s in the pool. Why?” Anna heard herself say it but it was too late to take it back. Why had she called James her ‘friend’? He was her fiancé.

“No need to get defensive, Princess,” he said. “Just asking. I’m Trent.” Anna’s first impression of the man standing before her was that he was extremely polite and deeply intriguing. There was something in his crooked smile made Anna’s heart skip a beat. His penetrating deep ocean blue eyes and his dirty blond hair completed the picture of the handsome and mesmerising stranger.

“Anna,” she said, extending her hand to shake his. His hands were warm and soft. A heat rushed through her body and she began to think things she knew she shouldn’t be thinking. She had the feeling somehow they already knew each other. She was completely comfortable standing with him as the sense of déjà vu ran riot through her body. At almost six and a half feet Anna knew if she had met him before there was no way she could have ever forgotten him, even if she had wanted to.

“When you finish, why don’t you let me buy you breakfast?” He smiled again, his warm panty dropping smile.

“Excuse me?” Anna asked, bewildered.

“The kiosk is just in the next building. Why don’t you let me buy you a juice or a fruit salad or something? Everyone has to eat,” he explained hopefully.

“I’m sorry,” Anna began, instantly regretting not being upfront about her relationship with James. “I’m here with my fiancé. We’re headed out for breakfast when we finish up. Sorry.”

“Oh, okay then,” he replied, looking defeated. But before she had a chance to apologise, he added, “Well, I’ll let you get back to your workout then. It was very nice to meet you, Anna,” before turning and heading in the opposite direction.

“You too,” she mumbled to no one in particular.

A few minutes later James appeared at her side. He had finished his swim earlier than usual and had come to annoy her. His dripping wet hair was plastered across his face, sticking to his forehead. He had already showered and changed and was waiting for Anna to finish so they could return to the hotel.

“Hey, looking good.” He smiled, playfully smacking her bottom.

“Don’t be smart, boy.” Anna laughed back at him. James flashed a cheeky little smile, which made Anna instantly nervous. “What? What are you up to?”

“Well…” James grinned. He whisked her up in his arms and threw her over his shoulder like she was a rag doll. Anna was squirming and demanding he put her down at once, but James was laughing too loudly to hear her pleas. He pushed his way through the doors and out onto the pool deck.

“What are you doing? James?” Anna knew instantly what he was planning. “Please don’t,” she begged, “I was always nice to you. Please…”

“Anna, would I ever hurt you?” James laughed manically. He stood on the edge of the pool, still with Anna squirming on his shoulder and didn’t hesitate. He jumped in. They were both fully clothed, shoes and all, and now they were in the pool. The rest of James’s squad were standing on the edge laughing hysterically.

Anna looked up and saw everyone crowded around clutching their stomachs as they laughed thunderously. They hardly believed what they had just seen. “That’s it, boy. You are going down,” Anna promised as she pushed herself up on his shoulders. When he didn’t budge, she let go and tried to swim away. Anna wasn’t the best swimmer, but it was made even harder by her clothes weighing her down. Even though she got a head start on James she knew she stood no chance. She looked up at the squad hopefully and yelled, “You know, you guys could help me.” They just laughed even harder.

James caught her and pushed her head under the water, pretending to drown her. “Help me,” Anna pleaded again, looking up at the team with wide, hopeful eyes. They all stopped laughing, looked at each other, and dived in. Anna used the commotion to sneak out of the pool. Within minutes Anna was drying herself off and watching as James and the rest of the squad tried desperately to drown each other. Suddenly she was flooded with emotions. Anna was disappointed her friends couldn’t see this. This was James being a regular guy—having fun with his friends, laughing, and joking; being young and carefree. This was the James she knew. This was the James she loved.

As Anna stood there, drying herself and watching all the fun a hand gripped her elbow. Shocked, Anna stepped backwards clumsily, almost slipping over in her wet runners. Trent was standing there, staring at her. His hooded eyes were so intense that Anna thought he was undressing her with them.

“Hey again.” She smiled, wringing some of the water out of her hair.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked bluntly.

“Tell you what?”

“That your ‘friend’ was James Thompson,” he said. His voice was flat and he sounded hurt, which surprised Anna more than anything he actually said.

“Why does it matter who he is?”

“You know exactly why it matters. I looked at you in the gym and I felt the sparks between us. I know you felt it too. The way you were looking at me, making me feel like I actually had a chance when I never did. I mean, how could I? Your ‘friend’ is one of the world’s best swimmers, with everything a girl could want. Except you maybe,” he snorted with distaste.

Anna wanted to reach her hand out and slap him, just to wipe that smirk right off his face. “Meaning?” she dared him.

“Well, if you’re looking at me like that, what’s James Thompson missing? If you look at other men, it’s quite obvious James isn’t giving you everything you want. Or everything you need.” He wasn’t at all what Anna had concluded in the gym. He was arrogant, conceited, and obnoxious. He was trying to get under her skin and she knew it.

“Excuse me, I have to leave,” Anna said, pushing past him.

“And what? Go back to that inadequate thing you call your ‘friend’? Have a nice life, Anna. But just remember, I am the best sex that you are never going to get,” Trent spat before disappearing around the corner.

Anna walked over and sat on the most uncomfortable plastic chair she had ever seen. She asked herself millions of questions but the one that hurt the most—if there had been any truth in Trent’s questioning. James emerged from the pool and sauntered over, oozing sex appeal.

“James,” she whined, but he just laughed easily as pulled her to her feet and led her out to the car.

Anna climbed into the front seat, her clothes soaking wet and beads of water trickling down the back of her neck. James, too, was still wet. Despite the crisp, cold Canberra air they both laughed wholeheartedly. They were so caught up in their own bubble they hadn’t even noticed the people staring at them as they walked arm in arm across the car park or the reporter who followed them.

The next day James and Anna were front page news. A photo from their wet t-shirt contest took up the entire cover of the paper. This incriminating photograph combined with a press conference the other day in which James announced he was engaged was enough for Anna to become an overnight celebrity.

“This is ridiculous!” James declared, looking out the window across the lake. “I feel like a prisoner in my hotel room. I hate this,” James pouted. Anna couldn’t help but laugh. James was normally the calm and collected one in the relationship, but right now he was anything but impressed about the current situation.

“Well, don’t be! You can go shopping, go out to restaurants to eat, you can do whatever you want,” Anna encouraged.

“You’re right. Grab your bag! I am taking you to lunch.” The determination was evident in James’s face.

“You go. I’m fine. I’ll just stay here,” Anna informed him shyly. She liked her anonymity. She wasn’t ready to become a household name.

“Hell no!” he snapped, more forcefully than he intended. “The whole point of going out is to do normal things. You said it yourself, eat, shop, and don’t be a prisoner in your own home or hotel room or wherever we happen to be. Come on, do this with me.” James had a point. Those were Anna’s words. And she hated that he threw them back in her face.

“Okay. Give me a second to get changed?” Anna requested, looking up at James hopefully.

“Absolutely.”

Dashing off, Anna got changed and appeared a moment later.

Anna wore a pair of tight skinny jeans and black high-heeled shoes, which added another five centimetres, to her already impressive height. Her hair was swept up in a pile on the top of her head. She wore a light blue woollen jumper. James gawked as she entered the room. She giggled as James’s mouth fell open and it took him a moment to pick it up off the floor again.

“Well, you’ll do, I suppose,” James taunted. The sparkle in his eye gave away his secret. Anna knew he thought she looked a hell of a lot better than nice, but he wouldn’t admit it.

“Okay then. If I’m not good enough to take to lunch with you, you can always just go by yourself.” Anna smiled seductively at him, spinning on her heel and heading back towards the bedroom.

“You don’t look that bad. I guess you’ll do.” James chuckled, grabbing her arm and tugging her gently back in his direction. “Let’s go.” James wrapped his arm around Anna’s waist as they stepped into the lift.

“Ready?” James asked nervously. He was used to having his life constantly invaded by the media. Although it had taken years, James had all but adapted to having no privacy but now, thanks to him, Anna had been thrust into the spotlight as well.

Anna thought she had prepared herself for anything and everything the media baboons could throw at her. Deep in her heart she knew while she continued to pursue a relationship with James, one day she would have to face this. And in a way she was lucky that so far they had been able to maintain their privacy. But nothing could have prepared her for the media frenzy that was set up in battle formation. As the doors opened, the sea of camera flashes almost blinded them. Questions were being screamed at them so quickly they were indecipherable. Somehow James and Anna managed to push their way past the cameras and to the car. It seemed they wanted every minute detail of their relationship.

Anna was shaken up as one of the reporters cornered her. The fiery redheaded woman grabbed her arm and spun her around brusquely. “Are you after his money?” she asked. Her question tore straight through Anna. She had no response for that. What response was there? Anna was appalled by the forwardness of the woman. How could she? No one had ever asked her that before, despite the fact Anna knew many who had asked themselves that exact question.

Once they were tucked safely in James’s car, he turned to Anna, who had gone a weird shade of grey, as she battled the nauseating feeling, “Well, that was fun. Want to go again?” James sighed, running his hand through his hair. The look on Anna’s face told him this was not a laughing matter. “We’ll be okay. Promise,” he said as he squeezed her hand. Anna felt slightly better, but she knew from this moment on she was no longer anonymous.

As James drove, Anna got lost staring out the window at nothing in particular. Well, she told herself, at least that was the worst of it. Or so Anna wished. They arrived at the small café in the shopping centre and slipped past most of the people without incident. Everyone around them appeared as though they were caught in a trance, moving in slow motion.

For the first time since they had gotten together they sat at a table in the middle of the busy café. In that moment they were a normal couple. James had been adamant—that as much as possible they would live a normal life. People surrounding them paused mid-sentence and watched them enter, yet just as quickly as they had ceased their conversations, they returned to their meals and it was as if it had never happened.

After finishing their lunch, Anna expected to head straight back to the hotel or at least just go for a drive. But James had other plans. Unfortunately for Anna, when James set his mind to something, his stubbornness became apparent. He wanted to go shopping. Reluctantly, Anna conceded.