Текст книги "Be My December"
Автор книги: Rachel Brookes
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Текущая страница: 4 (всего у книги 26 страниц)
Monday morning barreled into my life like a catapulting freight train. My body felt weak, my brain felt fried and my mind was compacted so tight with memories of Friday night that my weekend had been spent rehashing conversations, looks, and flashbacks—all revolving around the girl in the red jacket.
Saturday had been spent locked away in my apartment working until I couldn’t stand looking at my laptop any longer and then I stopped briefly to go and visit my parents for a long over-due visit. The usual conversations happened; how was work? How was Ashlyn? Had I got myself a girl? When was I going to give her grandchildren? Just the usual topics of discussion mom decided to start when I visited. Dad chuckled in the corner and let mom run her course. When I informed her that I was going to remain a bachelor for the rest of my years I received a warning glance that would frighten even the hardest of men. On Sunday, I had spent three hours at the gym with Josh; boxing, running and doing weights until I could barely stand. It was fucking fantastic and for those three hours I was distracted from thinking about her.
But now it was Monday and once again she invaded my thoughts. I groaned loudly and yanked the covers from my body. I threw my legs over the edge of the bed and stood, stretching tall until I heard every bone in my stiff body crack to life. Stumbling out of my bedroom and into the guts of my apartment, I made my way into the sprawling kitchen as the promise of coffee made the morning seem a little easier to face. My morning routine was simple; coffee, turning on my iPod, checking my phone, and getting ready to face another day in the office. It worked, it was a ritual, and there was no need to change it.
When I arrived at the office, I took the elevator to the top floor. The silence of the office was disturbing, and it only served to accentuate the pounding of my headache. I made my way down the dimly lit halls, illuminated by the night lights above. As usual I was the second to arrive for the day. Stopping by my ever appeasing executive assistant’s desk, she looked up and greeted me with a smile that was way too friendly for six thirty in the morning. Why she stuck with me was anyone’s guess.
“How’s my day looking Lauren?” I took a seat on the edge of her desk, handing a steaming hot chocolate to her, as I did every morning. Lauren had been with me from my very first day so our friendship was built on one of trust and understanding and her fiancé had become a good friend who Josh and I would often go to games with. “And why are you here so early?”
“Meeting at ten am with the production team, lunch with Josh, and this afternoon you should be receiving the final contracts for your meeting on Thursday.” She smiled brightly and then took a sip of her hot chocolate before saying. “And I am here because you have a shitload of work coming up so someone has to keep you in line. I don’t get paid the big bucks for nothing you know. ”
“You are too good to me Lauren.” I laughed at the brutal honesty of my assistant. “I’m going to go and lock myself away for the day. Come and get me if you need anything and tell me as soon as those contracts arrive.”
“Will do.”
I left Lauren tapping away at her computer and slipped into my office. Monday morning blues were hitting me at an alarming rate and my motivation to work was running for the hills and taking my fucked-up brain with it. I collapsed into my chair with an oomph. and opened my emails, scanning for anything urgent, but I was drawn to Facebook and before I could control what I was typing into the search bar, Eden Rivers’ profile was glaring back at me.
What I had chosen to omit on Friday night was that I already knew her, and I sure as hell knew her name wasn’t Kellie fucking Carter. Fuck that pissed me off. Eden Rivers had been on my radar for longer than most people realized and it took everything that I was not to call her out on it but I also knew that she would possibly freak the fuck out and I didn’t want that.
I leaned back in my chair and looked out over the city. How was I going to explain this to her? The fact that she was in the city was partially my doing, however she wasn’t meant to be here yet. As far as I knew she was arriving on Wednesday. The realization that this was going to get messy set in, but there was no way I could back down now, not after she barreled herself into my life.
I clicked on the glowing X and Facebook disappeared before me.
Before I knew it morning turned into afternoon and afternoon into night. This was my life. Anderson Publications. I spent way too much time in this exact position; sitting in my obnoxiously large chair behind my way too conceited desk in my expansive office. I was a workaholic, and I would be the first to admit it. The buzz of an incoming text vibrated on my desk, and I smiled as I saw Ashlyn’s name flash before me.
Ashlyn: Let’s grab dinner. I want to get pizza at Joey’s.
I looked at my watch and the thought of digging into a pizza made my stomach roar to life.
Ky: I’ll meet you there at eight.
Ashlyn: Look at us two leaving work before midnight.
Ky: What is becoming of us?
An hour later I walked through the doors of Joey’s and I was greeted with loud chatter and the saliva inducing smell of fresh pizza and garlic. I scanned the room, finally spotting Ashlyn sitting in a booth in the far corner tapping away on her phone, no doubt working as she waited. Ashlyn looked up when I reached the table and greeted me with a killer watt smile which I returned before kissing her on the cheek and sliding in the booth opposite her.
“I didn’t think you’d show,” she teased, turning over her phone as to not be interrupted.
“What and leave you desperate and dateless? Please. I am a gentleman.”
“Well that’s true; your gentleman qualities were on full display Friday night,” she taunted with a wink.
So, we are getting straight to it.
I rolled my eyes as my back stiffened. This was a conversation I did not wish to have in the middle of a restaurant. I grabbed for the menu, but it was ripped from my fingertips. I looked up to be greeted by Ashlyn smirking across from me. “Seriously Ash, I just got here. Are we really going to do this now?”
She leaned over the table, dropping her voice. “What was Friday night all about?”
I narrowed my eyes and knew this conversation was going to happen right here, right now. We were equally stubborn, like two bulls locking horns, and I knew neither of us would back down. The arguments the two of us had were explosive and unpredictable—they often led to days of no contact—but it was critical to the structure of what our relationship was made of. It was what allowed our friendship to work. We tested each other constantly, and we refused to accept each other’s bullshit. To be honest, it was a breath of fresh air.
Through clenched teeth, I glared at her, throwing every ounce of my frustration her way. I was hungry, irritated, and tired. Fuck it! I would give in to her banter…Just this once.
“I had to do something. He is a fucking asshole.” The thought of Chris touching Eden made my hands fist on the table. A reaction Ashlyn didn’t miss.
“So you had to beat your chest like a caveman and go and save the girl?”
“Ashlyn, you know why I did what I did. I couldn’t just stand there and—” I swallowed hard as anger roared to life within me, and I had to take back control. “Can we just order a damn pizza and talk about something else?”
“Don’t go back there Ky. Nothing was ever your fault and you need to stop living with this whole hero mentality. It’s fucking with your head.” She grabbed my hand from across the table and squeezed it tightly.
“Pepperoni or mushroom?” I growled, shooting her a warning look. This conversation was over.
With a huff, Ashlyn let go of my hand and crossed her arms over her chest. Our stormy eyes battled each other. The woman sitting opposite me knew me better than I knew myself. She knew everything about me, and that frightened the living shit out of me. She knew every piece of my jagged puzzle, every reason why I was what she lovingly called a ‘no’ guy. More importantly, yet most frightening, was that she knew things that could bring everything unglued. Was I afraid she would divulge the information she had on me? No. Was I afraid that I would do something to fuck everything up? Absolutely.
Once we placed our order, we called a truce and talked about our day. I listened as Ashlyn divulged secrets of the latest up-and-coming pop star that she had been hired to style, and she listened as I discussed the upcoming cover shoot and special featuring some of the most exciting bands in the US.
“Shit,” Ashlyn suddenly mumbled, her eyes darting toward the door. I shifted in my seat, glancing over my shoulder and almost choked on my soda. Eden casually walked into the restaurant, her chocolate brown hair falling down her back under a cream beanie. Her laughter was the only thing I heard. Her arm was linked with Tori’s as they made their way toward the counter. I was totally engrossed. Her eyes scanned around the restaurant, and the moment our eyes connected, the faintest of smiles filtered over her perfectly pink pout.
“Kellie!” Ashlyn’s excited voice broke my thoughts, and I looked at her like she was the craziest woman to grace the earth. “Over here.”
“What the fuck are you doing?” I hissed between clenched teeth.
Eden moved through the crowded pizzeria toward Ashlyn and me. What the hell was Ashlyn thinking and why the fuck did she continue to call her Kellie? I tried my hardest to avoid looking at her, but I couldn’t stop myself. I was swimming into dangerous territory, but there was no way in hell that I wanted to get out of this current. Eden walked with grace, elegance, and confidence. This girl making her way toward us was so different from the one I left on Friday night. She confused the hell out of me. Her eyes never left me, and I swallowed hard under her gaze. What the fuck was this?
“Hey Ashlyn.” She smiled sweetly at Ashlyn and then turned to me. “Hi.”
“Hey.” My voice was rough. Both Ashlyn and Eden turned to stare at me. Ky Crawford never got nervous under the gaze of women, but now I felt like I was sweating bullets. “I need to go and make a call.”
I slipped out of the booth and moved toward the corner of the room, away from the piercing watch of Eden Rivers, or Kellie, fuck this was confusing. I just wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her and say, I know you are Eden Rivers and I know you’ll be sitting in my office in a few days’ time. I collapsed into a vacant seat and pulled out my phone. Scrolling through my emails, I went to my draft folder and saw the exact email that had been playing on my mind all day. Opening the draft email, my eyes darted over the words as the battle of want against conscious began. If I sent this email there was no turning back yet if I didn’t send this email then I’d never know who Eden Rivers was.
From: [email protected]
Time: 20.25pm
Subject: Meeting request
Eden,
This is an email to confirm your attendance on Thursday November 16th at three pm.
Kindest of Regards,
Ky.
“What’s going through that head of yours?” Tori questioned, giving me the worried look that I had witnessed so many times before.
After five days on the East Coast, Tori was heading back home, ultimately leaving me to my own devices. I knew this time was coming quickly, but I didn’t want to believe that it was here. I had become so reliant on her. Tori and I sat on the edge of the pier, our legs dangling over the edge, our shoulders wrapped in a blanket as the cool air swirled around us. Silence fell, and I knew the moment I spoke, my emotions would bubble over.
“I don’t want you to go.” I finally admitted, my voice cracking.
“Babe, you will see me in a little over five weeks. Honestly, I think this will be great for you. This opportunity is freaking amazing, and you’ve been working toward this for years. This is your dream so live it.”
Tori’s head fell to my shoulder, and we sat in silence as we looked out over the white crested waves of the ocean. The chill in the air shocked me to life; it smacked me in the face and made me feel awaken to the world that was revolving around me.
The thought of being away from Tori petrified me. She was like the glue that kept me together, kept me moving forward, and the thought of her not being with me made me fearful that I would dissolve into pits of despair and take two steps back.
Tori sighed softly beside me. “Remember that Josh guy, Ashlyn’s friend? He was hands down the best cock I’ve ever had. I am still feeling him. That is the sign of a good fucking.”
And just like that Tori lightened my mood.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t often wish that could be me—so carefree, so open, and so honest. The thought of being able to open up myself to the idea of having a man who could, as Tori would say, be the best fuck I’d ever have was something that had crossed my mind but I had squashed the thought immediately. To make love was a myth; to be cherished was the complete opposite of what I allowed in my life. Over the past four years there had only been one guy who got close, and that was because I had absolute trust in him. He was my best friend and had slipped into the role of being my pretend boyfriend when we went out. Colby Andrews was my protector, my conscience, and the only guy who I had allowed to touch me. In my despair as I slipped into a state of complete devastation, he had wrapped me in my arms, rocked me until I settled, and then spent the night showing me exactly that I wasn’t completely destroyed.
“Can I tell you something?” I whispered and immediately Tori’s head shot up from my shoulder and looked at me expectantly. “I wish I could let loose. I don’t want to be crippled by fear anymore, and I wish I could stop being scared of the idea of being with a guy.”
“There is someone out there who is going to completely knock you on your ass, and he will be everything you need and more. He will treat you like the princess you are, he will treasure every second he is with you and when he isn’t with you, he will be thinking of you. I know he is out there and when he comes for you, I hope you take the chance.”
••••
Outfit after outfit greeted my body. My suitcase lay open on my hotel bed, with every item of clothing I brought spewing out all over the place. Jeans, skirts, dresses, shirts, and shoes covered every surface and after two hours and numerous FaceTime calls with Tori, I had finally settled on a charcoal pencil skirt, a white blouse, and my signature blood red heels. In an hour I was due at Anderson Publications for my initial meeting with a man I only knew as Ky to discuss my freelance work with them.
I was a walking mass of nerves as I took my first step into the pristine foyer. My eyes darted frantically, desperate for my memories to be swamped by the magnitude of perfection that was on display in front of me. From the marbled floors to the pristine white walls displaying the Andy Warhol art work, I was experiencing what I could only imagine heaven would be like. Tearing my eyes away from an eclectic piece of art showing Central Park in a futuristic setting, I glided toward the reception desk, the sound of my heels clicking on the floor below me grabbing the attention of a very polished-looking young woman.
“Hi, I have a meeting at three pm. My name is Eden Rivers.” I smiled nervously and watched as she lifted the phone to her ear and announced my arrival.
“Mr. Crawford will be down in a few minutes, if you’d like to take a seat.”
Nodding in response, I sunk into the leather tub chair and began nervously bouncing my leg. The enormity of the meeting I was about to attend was suddenly hit me. This magazine was huge, and the fact that they wanted me, Eden Rivers, to shoot not only the cover but also an editorial feature was just too much to comprehend. This was the magazine that Tori and I would read on our lazy Sundays. This was the magazine that always had the most beautiful covers. Shit! I was going to be sick. My stomach rolled within me and the desire to run and never look back fell upon me but something out of my control stopped me.
A strong masculine voice greeted me, my name rolled off his tongue with an ease and certainty. Familiarity struck me. “Eden thanks for coming in, how about we move to my office?”
I twisted in my chair and under the shadow of Josh Crawford I felt my world stop.
Recognition flashed before me, and his eyes narrowed in. The look I was receiving made me feel like my dream and this opportunity was going up in flames before my eyes.
“Shit.” I muttered and stood on shaky feet. My mouth hung open in shock and his amused gaze didn’t offer me any comfort.
“Ready?” He asked and I simply nodded in response.
I followed Josh through the open space of the ground floor cursing myself for wearing my very noisy heels. The walls lining the hall lead to the elevators that featured framed copies of previous issues which I couldn’t help but admire. Stepping into the elevator, I moved toward the back and watched as the numbers rose with every passing floor. I could feel Josh’s inquisitive eyes watching me. I gnawed on my bottom lip, and my foot tapped nervously as I gripped hold of my bag.
“Almost there,” Josh announced as I anxiously watched floor seven change to floor eight.
The fifteenth floor finally arrived and with a swift movement Josh was out of the elevator. I followed closely behind him as we made our way through an open planned office space. Cubicle after cubicle was filled with professional-looking people tapping away at computers or talking on the phone and occasionally someone would look up and give me the once over.
Josh stopped in front of a closed door and turned toward me. “You look petrified.”
“I am. I am waiting for you to tell me to leave.”
His laughter once again didn’t comfort me.
Josh opened the door to his office and motioned for me to step through the doors. His office was not what I expected. It was gleaming white. White desk, white shelving, and an oversized white office chair. Art graced the walls, displaying everything from portraits to landscapes—but one common dominator was the abstract and fieriness of colors on display. It grabbed my attention immediately.
I took a seat across the desk and placed my hands nervously in my lap. The longer he took to speak the more my anxiety piqued.
“So I won’t keep you for long. First, I don’t care that you chose not to tell me your real name when we first met. I am sure you have your reasons, and it’s not for me to judge so we will get that off the table. How’s that work for you?”
I nodded in silent agreement.
“So this is how it is. My brother, who you met the other night, first made me aware of you and your work, and we are very interested in having you shoot the cover and editorial spread for the next issue.” He folded his hands together, resting them on the immaculate white desk top and looked at me with anticipation of my response.
His brother!
Crawford. Chocolate cake. Perfect eyes. Came to my rescue.
Oh god! I was going to pass out.
“Is this some sort of joke?” My words were short and breathy as my defenses shot sky high. Things like this didn’t just happen to me. They didn’t just land on my lap without a consequence. His eyes bore into mine as he gauged my brutal questioning. “Your brother bought me chocolate cake!”
Without a word, Josh rose from behind his desk and effortlessly moved toward me, his eyes never leaving mine. Standing to meet him, I stood confidently, desperate for strength to appear while inside I was trembling.
“We want your photography skills Eden. My brother was extremely surprised to find you right under his nose.” He took one step toward me, and I froze. “And yes he did. He has never bought a girl chocolate cake before Eden and I’ve never seen him go all alpha-fucking-male for a girl before so you just think about that.”
The breath I was unaware I was holding escaped in a loud rush, and I blinked frantically. “I’m only here until January 5th.”
“That should be fine. The only thing I can think of is that there could be a launch party on December 16th that you will be required to attend but Ky will have all the details regarding your schedule.”
Hearing that date sent fear roaring through my body. I hated that date. Everything about that date was hell to me. For the past four years I had spent that date locked in my apartment, buried so deep in the confines of my bed away from the world, drowning in a mixture of cheap vodka and Xanax until I passed out and escaped from realism. It was a pathetic way to hide from truth, but it was the only thing I could do. I could hear Josh talking, but I couldn’t understand anything he was saying. I was thrown back to four years prior, to the moment that I was a beaten, broken, and fearful young woman. I felt my heart thump dangerously fast in my chest, my palms sweating, and my lungs ached as I desperately tried to gain a breath. My eyes snapped back to Josh’s worried face.
“Eden—”
“Thank you for the opportunity. I will see myself out.”
I hastily grabbed my bag from the floor and rushed for the door with Josh close on my heels. I felt a familiar panic attack brutally coming to life and the last thing I wanted was Josh Crawford to witness me unravel into a pit of anxiety and be frozen as my nightmares unleashed their attack. I needed my solitude and the relief that only locking myself away from the world could provide. I punched the button time and time again when I reached the elevator. I could feel the presence of Josh standing beside me, close enough to know he was worried over my reaction, but still far enough to give me the space I needed. I must have looked completely ridiculous. I was just given the best opportunity of my life and instead of saying, “Where do I sign?” I was fleeing the building like a raving lunatic.
The moment the elevator door opened I hurried in and Josh followed in close pursuit. He hit the ground floor button and stood back against the wall, an awkward silence falling between us. Thankfully we didn’t stop until we reached the ground floor.
The moment the elevator door opened, I rushed toward the glass doors with the promise of escape within reach. My eager steps halted and I froze on the spot as a voice wrapped itself around me and caressed my very soul. It floated through the air like the perfect song and was a voice I couldn’t forget.
My eyes darted through the foyer as the need to find the owner of the voice hit me. My need to escape fading as my gaze locked onto a man with broad shoulders, a slim waist, and chocolate brown hair. Covered in a crisp white shirt and form fitting charcoal grey trousers, he paced in front of the Andy Warhol art work of Marilyn Monroe that I had been transfixed on earlier.
His phone was glued to his ear and his velvet smooth voice rose and faded as the conversation obviously grew heated and then resolved. My eyes roamed unashamedly over his body. He was the epitome of confidence and charisma. His stance showed ownership and determination while the slouch of his shoulders indicated frustration and fatigue. As my eyes took him in, I stiffened as something so unusual hit my body, something that I had refused to accept and experience in so many years; a want, a need assaulted my senses and terrified and exhilarated me all in one heartbeat.
Josh laughed beside me and the man under my watchful gaze spun around quickly.
Shit!
Familiar hazel eyes bounced furiously between Josh and I and a new desire to run hit me. His jaw flexed and he ceased talking into the phone held up to his ear and narrowed his eyes on me with a darkened intensity that stole my ability to breathe. As he stared at me, it felt like the world around me failed to exist and he looked so deep inside me that all of my secrets were being presented to him on a platter. I watched his mouth as he spoke quickly before ending the call abruptly. With wide strides he crossed the room toward where Josh stood beside me with a smirk twisting on his lips.
“We were supposed to meet at three thirty.” He muttered and tore his gaze from mine and glared at Josh with a force that transformed his eyes from a beautiful hazel to darkened chocolate brown that matched Josh’s.
“Eden Rivers, I’d like to officially introduce you to Ky Crawford.” Josh waved his hand effortlessly between the guy formerly known as Crawford and me. My body stiffened and I lost the ability to speak. Ky’s eyes softened momentarily at my shocked expression while his perfectly pout mouth stiffened into a tight line. “Ky is the Marketing Manager of Anderson Publications, my less cooler than me older brother and as we all know your knight in shining armor.”
Shit! Fuck! Bullshit!
Finding my voice and silently demanding my confidence to return I held out my hand warily. “I had no idea.”
Ky shook my hand firmly and when he spoke, his words were laced with animosity. “I knew all along.”
He dropped my hand dismissively and stormed through the open space of the foyer. My eyes were glued to his retreating figure and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t tear my gaze away from him. My head swirled with disbelief. How did I not put two and two together? Who would call their child Crawford anyway? The look on his face when I was called out would be engrained within me for a long time. He glanced over his shoulder at me quickly before he fell into hushed conversation with the young woman who had greeted me earlier. My heart beat so erratically in my chest that I was sure Josh could hear the thumping.
“I’ll text you later Eden,” he said softly with a subtle shake of his head. “I’ll get your number from Lauren.”
I had barely made it out of the building and into the craziness of New York City before my phone’s constant buzzing from within my bag grabbed my attention.
Tori’s name flashed on the screen and her excited voice shattered my hearing when I clicked to accept the call. “Eden, tell me everything. What did they offer?”
Leaning against the glass walls of the building, the air of New York City was hastily chilling around me. Late November had hit and it was only a matter of time before the air you breathed shattered your lungs and the beautiful spectacular of December in New York City would arrive, something I had missed so much during my time away. I listened as my best friend rattled off a million questions, never allowing me the chance to answer.
I looked back at the vast double doors, and my heartbeat returned to normal although my sense of unease was sky high. My nerves had disappeared and had been replaced by frustration. A confidence I had longed to have was now gripping me fiercely. “I feel like I should go back in there and apologize for rushing out and find out if Ky Crawford actually wants me to work for them. God I’ve probably just completely fucked this up. ”
I heard Tori inhale sharply before she responded. “If it was me, I would storm back in there and demand to know what the fuck was going on, but you aren’t me Eden. You do what you feel like you should do.”
