Текст книги "Be My December"

Автор книги: Rachel Brookes

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Текущая страница: 13 (всего у книги 26 страниц)

“Let’s go to my room. We can watch a movie until we fall asleep.”

Once again my dick spoke in place of my brain.

I didn’t give her a chance to answer. I grabbed her hand and led her down the hall, switching off the lights and darkening the apartment as we passed. We walked into my room and the dim light from the lamp provided perfect shadows to bounce off the walls and crowd us. Nerves sailed off her as she took in my room. Her hand ran along the satin stripes on my comforter and her eyes scoped out every corner.

“Tell me what you are thinking?” I questioned, my voice edged with intrigue.

“I don’t know what I am thinking.”

“If you could say one thing to me right now what would it be?”

She hesitated over her words; her eyes darted from mine as she continued to take in my room. A large king-size bed took up the space, draped with a black and silver striped comforter, side tables sat on either side, with oversized lamps courteous of Ashlyn and her need to decorate my apartment. A flat screen television hung on the wall opposite and floor to ceilings windows filled another entire wall, giving me the perfect view of the Atlantic Ocean. I chose this apartment purely on that view alone.

“I’m nervous of being this close to you.”

I sat down on the edge of my bed and took in her words. Her honesty surprised me, but it allowed me to understand the stiffness of her body language. I didn’t know whether she was nervous about what I could do or whether her nerves were based on her feelings of what she wanted to do. I knew I was coming to the end of my tether. Those moments when her perfume would hit my nose was like an extra stab to the heart and all I wanted to do was bury my face in her neck and become completely undone. I knew it was only a matter of time before I lost this battle.

“Come over here Eden,” I hummed through a thick voice.

I swallowed at the sight of her nodding and lowering herself to my bed. I wanted nothing more than for her to say no to me, but then that would mean that she wasn’t the girl who could only say yes. All I wanted to do was tell her that she was the first girl to stay in here, that usually I would take girls to the spare room, but I knew that wouldn’t sit well. She was already nervous enough. I pulled back the covers and climbed under the comforter and waited.

“You can say no to me Eden,” I said in a low tone.

She froze and looked over at me. “I can’t,” was her immediate response.

“You can, but you won’t.” I sighed in frustration.

“I can’t.” She pleaded with wide eyes.

“Why. Tell me why in the world you can’t say no?”

“Ky, please. Don’t make me talk about this. Not now.” Her voice cracked with emotion and those perfect blue eyes begged me to stop.

“Okay.” I said reluctantly. “Do you want to climb in?”

She reacted straight away, pulling back the covers on the side of the bed that she was sitting on and she slid in. She remained on her back, staring at the ceiling, and it was the most awkward situation I’d ever been when it came to being in bed with a woman. After what felt like an eternity, she finally looked over and I swear to God she smirked at me, her face flooding with mischievous intent.

“Shit Eden, your feet are fucking freezing!” I gasped as her feet touched mine swiftly causing me to ball myself up and roll to face her.

Her muffled laughter filled my ears as she covered her face with her arm but continued to press her icy feet against me.

“My feet always get cold. They are my secret weapon.” She giggled and before I could say another word her feet slid down my legs until they touched my feet again causing me to shriek.

“Want to know what my secret weapon is?” My eyes narrowed in on her and her giggle ceased. Two could play this game. “This!”

I rolled over and pinned her down and commenced tickling her. She squealed and giggled as her arms and legs kicked around desperate to stop the assault of my fingers. I couldn’t hold in the laughter and soon my deep laughter mixed with her high pitched giggles filled my bedroom. Our bodies smashed together and our hands touched and prodded each other like it was the most usual thing in the world.

“Stop, Ky! I promise no more cold feet. I’ll wear socks!” she choked out between attempts to take a breath and laughter and her hands fell to my bare chest.

I rolled onto my back in victory and rested my hands behind my head. I tried to concentrate on everything around me, but all I could hear was Eden’s heavy breathing as she struggled to get over my attack of tickles. This wasn’t the best idea I had because now all I was thinking about was hearing her heavy breathing due from an attack of my mouth, fingers, or my cock. How had this gone from wanting her to open up to me, to a tickle fight, and now sexual innuendos?

Yep, I was fucked.

“Okay, now that we have that settled, you need to pick a movie,” I declared and handed her the remote.

“What do you feel like watching?” she asked and began flicking through channels much to my amusement.

“Nope, it’s totally up to you. I’ll watch anything.”

Ten minutes later, Eden was curled up on her side, her hair feathered out against the white pillow as she hummed along to the familiar intro of Dirty Dancing. This was new. One; I had never watched Dirty Dancing in bed with a girl before. Two; I hadn’t had a girl in this bed before. Three; Eden almost looked at peace.

“Eden, come here,” I blurted out. Her head turned and looked at me warily. “If I only have you for a month, I want you in my arms while we watch a movie, especially if it’s Dirty Dancing.”

She moved across the bed and hesitantly rested her head over my heart and her arm rested over my bare stomach. I hissed, and I knew she heard me because she stopped breathing momentarily. She waited for my reaction. I knew my heart was thundering in my chest, right under her head, and I knew she felt it. She was getting a reaction from me that she probably would never have imagined.

“I can move,” she stuttered and began pulling her body away.

My hand fell down onto her arm halting her escape. “You are staying right here Eden. I’m not letting you go.”

I wrapped my arm around her back and curled her closer, breaking the distance that she had put between us. Her arm went loose over my stomach, all tension she had lost, and we fell into an awkward and highly charged silence as the movie played out. Eden hummed along to every single song and quoted most of the movie in a hushed voice. Her tone and the comfort of her in my arms slowly lulled me into sleep and the last thing I heard was her singing “I’ve Had The Time of My Life”.

The feeling of fingertips sweeping over my skin and goosebumps rising from the sensation woke me. A strong pressure was over my stomach, pinning me to the bed. For a brief moment everything was confusion and a mass of shock. My eyes fluttered open and jumped around the room trying to work out what was happening. The credits rolled on the television and the glow from the screen allowed me to make out the sea of dark hair that was on my chest and it hit me.

Eden.  

Eden was touching me.

I shut my eyes and tried to calm my breathing, not wanting her to know that I had woken. Her soft fingertips continued to run along the muscles of my stomach, dipping lower until she was tracing the band of my cotton pants. Her feather like touch was so enticing; I almost thought I was dreaming. She was still against my heart and I felt her breath dancing on my highly reactive skin. The most amazing and intriguing thing was that I felt her increased breathing as she got closer to the band of my pants just above my cock. This was all her, this wasn’t anything to do with me. Knowing that she was doing this on her own accord set something on a wild course within me. I remained still, concentrating on my breathing so I wouldn’t give away that I was completely awake and enjoying every moment.

This was all for her.

Sunlight caressed my face as my eyes fluttered open to a new day. I had finally fallen asleep just before five a.m. The warmth of being cocooned against Ky’s body had left me and now I was in his bed on my own. I pulled the comforter up to my chin and sighed into the pillow. My fingertips still felt like they were tingling at the sensation of touching his body; it had been risky and how could I have possibly explained it if he knew. I stretched and allowed my body to fully wake before I sat up and put my feet to the floor. I needed to walk out there and act as if nothing had changed. I couldn’t allow him to know.

Ky sat on the couch, iPad in his lap, and a frown etched on his face. I stood in the doorway watching him briefly before he sensed I was there. The laziest of smiles graced his lips as he looked me over. On instinct I folded my arms over my chest because it was surprisingly cold in the apartment this morning. He was dressed in sweats and a hoodie and thankfully he had decided not to shave this morning so his strong jawline was peppered with stubble.

“Do you want some breakfast?” he asked with certainty.

“Yes.”

He shook his head and stood from the couch and walked toward me. He stood before me and once again took me in. “Go take a shower and get in your most comfortable clothes. You and I are having a day together, just us.”

“What are we doing?” I asked, trying to ignore the bubble of excitement that unleashed inside of me.

“See that couch?” He nodded toward the inviting chaise lounge. “You and I are going to be sitting on that couch all day, watching television, watching movies, talking, whatever you want.”

“Okay.”

I left the living room and headed straight to the guest room. We hadn’t said a thing about the night before, about me sleeping in his arms all night. I didn’t know if I could face that conversation because I didn’t need this to be any more awkward. I fished through my suitcase, grabbed my clothes and toiletries, and escaped to the confines of the bathroom where I could try and get my emotions in check.

Twenty minutes later I walked into the living room wearing my comfiest sweat pants and my lay around top, which sat loosely off my shoulder. Soft music floated through the air and the smell of bacon hit my nose. My stomach grumbled in want, and I headed straight for the kitchen. Ky had his back to me as he stood at the stovetop, and I took a moment to admire him in silence. I still couldn’t believe that this guy was so intent on having me in his life without any consequence. He had the looks, the life, the confidence to have any woman he wanted, yet here I was on a freezing cold Sunday standing in his apartment getting ready to spend the day on his couch. It was surreal.

“Are you going to come in here?” His question shocked me. He slowly turned around, a smirk on his lips as he took me in. How did he even know I was there? “I’ve become very accustomed to your coconut scented lotion, and I could smell it as soon as you walked in the room.”

And there was the return of the butterflies.

Butterflies that shouldn’t be there.

“Are you ready for a Ky Crawford breakfast extravaganza?”

I walked into the kitchen and stood on the other side of the island. Jesus, he knew how to put on a breakfast. Fresh juice, coffee, waffles, and eggs were waiting on the counter and the sound of bacon sizzling in the pan that Ky was tending to completed the meal.

We were soon eating in silence, and I couldn’t help the deep sigh that escaped as I dug into the fluffy eggs that he had piled high on my plate. I had never had eggs this good before. He watched me closely as I filled my plate with more eggs and under his gaze my nerves decided to kick into gear.

“How did you sleep?” His voice was spiked with something I couldn’t understand. Was it frustration? Intrigue? Suggestion? “I for one had a very enjoyable sleep.”

I swallowed the mouthful of eggs and gulped down some juice before looking at him.

“I slept fine thanks.”

He nodded and I swore to God I saw a smirk and a raised brow as he looked down at his food. He couldn’t have, could he? I shook the thought out of my head and continued eating breakfast although the feeling of him giving me looks rushed through me.

We finished up breakfast and moved into the living room. His couch looked like it was going to wrap around me in pure comfort, and I couldn’t wait to get lost in it. I watched Ky as he cleaned up the kitchen while I wrapped one of the comforters around my shoulders. The weather outside was horrendous and the rain pounding on the balcony was creating the perfect atmosphere for a day of pure laziness.

The couch dipped when he sat beside me and handed me the remote. Yet again, it was my choice of what we would watch. I flicked through the list of movies and television shows that were on and settled on Walking Dead. It was one of the shows that I had been meaning to watch but never got around to it.

“Eden Rivers you never cease to amaze me.”

We sat in silence as Walking Dead started. I sat beside him completely enthralled by the show. It was all kinds of messed up. I pulled the comforter up to my chin and my eyes stayed glued to the television.

“Shit!” I jumped and scooted closer to the side of his body. He chuckled then dropped an arm around my shoulder and pulled me close to his body. I felt my body freeze under his touch but then as his fingertips ran over my bare shoulder, I instantly relaxed against the warmth of his body.

“I lied to you before,” Ky deep whisper startled me.

I stilled beside him, my mind replayed our conversations as I tried to find where he could have possibly lied to me.

“I slept well until I was awoken to the feeling of you touching me.” He continued.

Oh my god. I lifted my head from his shoulder and twisted on the couch so I was facing him. I dropped my eyes to my lap and began fidgeting as embarrassment flushed through me. “I am so sorry, I thought you were sleeping. I don’t know what came over me.”

“You don’t have to apologize Eden. Please look at me.” His voice came out wickedly soft. I reluctantly raised my eyes to find him looking at me warmly. “I was sleeping but then I woke up to the softest touch imaginable and I liked it.”

“You liked it?”

“Uh, fuck yes. But please can you make sure I’m awake next time.”

“Okay.”

His deep laughter shocked me. “Babe, that was an open invitation. I am awake now. This right here is your decision though. Touch me, do what you like but you are the one in control. I have no say. You don’t want to and that’s also fine. We will go back to watching zombies and nothing will change. If you touch me then that’s your prerogative however I cannot promise I won’t want to touch you. I’ve wanted to touch you for so long.”

Instantly my fingertips tingled at the thought of touching his smooth skin again. I enjoyed exploring his body while he was asleep but could I do it while he was awake and watching me. His body captivated me. My hands were shaking, and I inhaled sharply as I moved toward him. His eyes darkened and licked his lips at my movement.

“I’m really nervous.” I admitted sheepishly.

I didn’t even have a chance to consider fleeing because Ky suddenly ripped the comforter off and pulled me onto his body; my legs fell to either side of his lap and I was soon straddling him. He sucked in a tight breath as I settled in his lap and for a moment I felt like I was having an out of body experience.

“Please don’t me nervous. You are in complete control. This is all you.” He whispered and I felt his hands fall to the small of my back where they rested.

“Can I take off your shirt?” I asked softly. He didn’t speak but simply nodded in response.

My hands ran up his arms and down his chest. I dropped my eyes and they followed my hands. The fleece of his hoodie provided surrealism at its best. The thought of what was underneath ignited my senses. He remained silent and stilled against me.

The moment my hands touched his warm skin and slid the hoodie from his body I shuddered against the sensation. His eyes slammed shut and his head dropped back against the couch. I took a moment to look at him while my hands rested on his stomach. His eyelashes rested on his cheeks and his lips parted as he took deep breaths. His reaction to my touch was overwhelming at best. My hands left the confines of his sculpted abdomen and with featherlike fingertips I ran up over his chest and toward his broad shoulders. His body rippled beneath my touch and finally his eyes opened and rested on mine. Eyes darkened with lust looked back at me and I felt heat swirling throughout my body. I was doing this to him, and I was beginning to love every moment of it.

Something came over me in that moment.

Need.

Want.

Desire.

“Eden.” His voice was hoarse, needy and desperate.

His arm wrapped around my shoulders and pulled me toward his body. We were so close that I could feel his breath on my lips.

“I need to kiss you again. I can’t stop thinking about how fucking sweet you taste; my addiction to your lips is in-fucking-sane. Do you want me to kiss you? Can you handle that? This is your chance to say no Eden.”

“Yes,” I murmured and an honesty that shocked me met my words. My body on instinct moved into his, my hips pressing into his, giving him the indication that I was speaking truth.

His mouth crashed into mine instantly stealing the breath from my lungs. I gasped at the sensation of his lips on mine. My hands slid over his shoulders and wrapped around his body as he pulled me flush against his chest. His tongue licked my bottom lip so delicately compared to his hands that rushed over my body. The moment I sighed in response, his tongue slipped into my mouth and began an intense dance with mine. I had never been kissed like this. My body reacted instantly; I moved on his lap, pushing myself closer to his body, grinding my body against his, and I enjoyed the groan that escaped the confines of his chest. Our breathing combined as I desperately tried to follow his lead. He owned every moment of this kiss. I had never shared a kiss like this with anyone before. His hands rested on my hips, but the moment I felt his warm hands slide up the back of my shirt I stilled on his lap. He must have felt my sudden change because his hands soon fell back to my hips and the movement of his mouth ceased its infiltrating attack. He pulled away from my mouth and rested his forehead against mine. We were breathing heavily; my body was on fire, and I knew this had affected him just as much as me.

“Fuck!” he whispered. “You are perfection Eden. I love your mouth.”

Like a shattering storm coming from nowhere, I felt the tightness in my chest before I felt the first tears spill over my cheeks. My emotions overwhelmed me. My thoughts were contradicting themselves. One minute I was loving the feeling of his body pressed against mine, of his mouth owning me but the next I was hating that I allowing my body to be owned, dictated, and used that way. I had spent so many years hiding myself from this but here I was, in the lap of someone so unlike anyone I had ever met before, kissing him like my life depended on it and feeling a pleasure that I never thought I’d experience. This wasn’t me. This was me losing the control that I craved, that I had worked four years to obtain.

The tears flooded my face and when Ky realized he pulled back and watched me closely. I knew he thought this was his fault when in reality it was all me. I cupped his face with my hands and leaned in, kissing his lips lightly before pulling away to find a look of complete confusion taking over his beautiful face.

“This isn’t me Ky. I’m not this girl. I don’t do this.”

His arms tightened around me and pulled me closer. “You deserve it all babe; to be kissed, held, caressed, loved, and cherished. That’s your given right. Your tears confuse me; they destroy me; they frustrate me because I know someone has taken this away from you.”

He knew.

“I want your thoughts, your fears, and all of your desires. It’s time for you to tell me everything Eden. Right here, right now,” Ky continued as his fingers ran through my hair tenderly.

I pulled away from his chest and climbed off his lap until I stood by the couch desperate for an escape. “I, uh, please don’t ask me that. I need to use the bathroom.”

I rushed out of the living room and escaped into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I rubbed my chest as I felt panic rise within me. The thought of opening up, of telling my deepest secrets to Ky, scared me. I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle seeing him look at me like I was broken, like I was a wounded animal barely hanging on for life. That thought alone confused me because if I were to be honest with myself, I had already considered revealing everything to him and I don’t know why.

I splashed some water on my face and counted to ten, inhaling and exhaling deeply as the panic subsided. If I walked out and pretended none of this happened maybe he wouldn’t pressure me. I did a silent prayer and walked out of the bathroom and into the living room knowing that the longer I hid myself away the more chance that he would make a big deal of it.

The moment I appeared he spoke. “Eden, look at me,” he demanded in a soft voice that caressed my heart.

I shook my head and stood in front of the couch.

“Look at me.” This time his voice wasn’t so soft.

I gave in and lifted my gaze from the floor and looked at him. His eyes swam with compassion, encouragement, and determination. We locked onto each other, neither of us willing to speak.

It hit me.

Suddenly the urge to tell him everything took over and the doubts I had vanished as his eyes showed me everything he was. They showed warmth I had never witnessed before and an acceptance that I had always wanted. This man before me, who had stormed into my life, screaming in my face when he had the urge to protect me, was becoming a confusing commodity. Maybe I needed to tell my story to someone who had no ties, no connection, who I would be leaving in a matter of weeks? Maybe talking about it in the place that it happened would offer some closure.

“Just let me talk, please don’t interrupt me,” I whispered before my confidence fled for the hills.

He sat back on the couch, pushing his back against the side of the couch. I sat on the other end, folding my legs under myself and started twisting my hands in my lap.

This was it.

I dropped my eyes and took a deep breath. “Four years ago I had the world at my feet. I was in college, I had a great bunch of friends, a loving family, and I loved everything about my life and where it was going. It was almost like I was being swallowed by happiness and I wouldn’t have changed that. I remember the day like it was yesterday. My friend asked me to go to the Christmas end of semester frat party and I thought why not. I usually wasn’t one to go to parties, it just wasn’t my thing but I thought to myself, ‘what’s the worst that could happen’?

“I was having such an amazing time—dancing, beer shots, laughing, and general fun with my friends. The feeling of someone watching me never left and although it made me feel uncomfortable, I didn’t think anything of it. The room was jam packed with people and it was so hot in there even though it was freezing outside. It got to the point that the air was so thick that you could barely breathe so I walked outside to get some fresh air. That’s where he approached me. He said all the right things; he made me feel comfortable; he made me laugh; he offered me his jacket and then asked if I could help him get more alcohol for the party. Of course I said I’d help, he gave me no reason to say no, and I didn’t think anything of it.”

I slammed my eyes shut as I was taken back to that devastating moment. I had been so stupid, so trusting, so innocent. My skin began to crawl as Jeremey Davis seeped back into my thoughts. I couldn’t let him win, and I knew talking about this would somehow allow me find some ounce of strength and make me feel like maybe I could finally begin to win.

“As soon as we left the safety of the house, he changed. He grabbed my arm so rough, so forcefully, that I remember knowing that it would bruise. I wish that had been the least of my worries. He pulled me through the grounds toward the dorms, and he barely said a word to me. I could hardly keep up with his stride and that’s when I began to struggle; I knew I had to fight but the more I fought, the more violent he got.

“He dragged me into his room, and the moment I said no to him it was like it was his role to punish me. The first time he hit me, I was stunned. I remember the taste of blood in my mouth. I think I was shocked more than anything. I couldn’t believe that was happening to me. I remember screaming no and scratching at his face but that was the worst decision in my life because after that he became unhuman; I watched the humanity leave his body because I had said no. My biggest mistake was saying no because after I did, he raped me. He made it his right to take everything he wanted from me. He took my virginity, my voice, my respect, and my contentment. Everything. I will never forget that feeling. People say that you can’t remember pain, but I will never forget it. I tried to take myself away, to escape in my mind to a peaceful place, but every time I closed my eyes he would hit me and bring me back to that nightmare. I thought I was dying; I remember tasting blood; my eye swelled shut and my jaw felt like it was barely hanging on. Hit after hit he gave me while he raped me over and over again.”

By now tears flooded my face and my chest felt like it was constricting. Ky hadn’t said a word. I finally looked at him and found his face void of any emotion, a blank canvas, yet his knuckles were screaming bright white from gripping hold of the cushion in his lap. I sobbed loudly, gasping for a desperate breath and looked to the ceiling desperate to find some strength to continue.

“I don’t know what happened after that. I woke up to the smell of disinfectant and my mom sobbing beside me. I was in the hospital. From that day forward I was never the same again. I was in the hospital for a week before I discharged myself. I went straight to my parents’ house, packed up as much as I could, then I escaped. I couldn’t be here. San Francisco was my destination. I stayed in a hotel when I moved there until I saw the ad for a room, so within two days of being there I found a new house, a new friend, and a life where no one knew anything about me. I couldn’t be Eden Rivers anymore.”

I didn’t know what I was expecting to feel; I didn’t know what I expected Ky to do. We sat there, not moving, not speaking, the only sound was my quiet sobs as I tried to find calm in the storm that was rumbling within me. It hurt, every part of me hurt from reliving that but I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders being able to tell it to someone that wasn’t involved. Ky remained frozen and watched me so closely.  It seemed like he was completely shutting down, and his face gave me no clue as to what was going through his thoughts. After what seemed like a lifetime, he uncurled his body and stood from the couch; his eyes never leaving me.

He held both hands out to me and waited. I grabbed his offered hands and was pulled from the couch until I was standing before him. My breath escaped my lungs as Ky pulled me to his chest. His strong arms encased my body, wrapping me with warmth and offering me protection and the soothing beats of his heart.

It was everything I needed.