Текст книги "Be My December"

Автор книги: Rachel Brookes

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Текущая страница: 9 (всего у книги 26 страниц)

I didn’t want to talk about my past with Eden. She didn’t need to know a thing about it. The second I opened my damn mouth and spoke, I regretted it. I didn’t need questions asked, I didn’t want assumptions to be made, and I sure as hell didn’t want her looking at me like she was now.

Pity was one thing I hated. Why pity someone for something you had no clue about? It was one of those things that people thought you wanted, but it was something I never needed. I didn’t want it, I didn’t warrant it, and I sure as shit didn’t deserve it from Eden Rivers.

I reeled in my thoughts and concentrated only on the way Eden’s hand fit in mine. My eyes dropped to take in the sight of ours fingers entwined together, fitting like a perfect glove, like the promise of comfort.

What the hell was I doing?

“Are we going to stand here and be all awkward?” Her voice sang with a smile, it intrigued me that she was going out of her way to put on miss confident just for me.

“Who said anything about it being awkward?”

The laughter that floated from her body distracted me momentarily and for a flash I forgot everything that was actually happening. I knew I needed to pull it in but the comfort  of being next to her was so unknown to me; it was like walking on a tightrope and just waiting to fall, it was like losing your sight in the blackest hours of the night and feeling for your footing with anxious steps. It was nervousness, it was unpredictable, and it was exhilarating and definitely not what I planned.

One month was all I had. A month to make it worth her while, to show her a life she refused to live. I was a stubborn asshole at the best of times and my intentions were clear but I also knew the risks. If I pushed too far there was the potential to shatter and if I got lost in the attraction of Eden Rivers I’d lose my fucking mind, and I couldn’t allow that to happen. This month wasn’t about me, and I had to focus on that. Josh’s words continued to echo through my head as well as Ashlyn’s warning, like a record on repeat making sure I was well aware of what I was doing. But that was the thing, was I doing this for my own sick needs? Did I even have Eden as a consideration?

For the next two hours, an ecstatic Eden pulled me through the park. Her face never dropped and the smile plastered on her face was infectious. I was smiling; a genuine make-my-face-ache kind of smile, one that I had locked away for so many years; one that was brought out by someone who seemed to constantly fight her own private demons. Her smile was fucking incredible, it took over her face and made the blue of her eyes pop and twinkle in delight and unadulterated happiness.

Our hands remained linked together as we made our way all over the park. Occasionally she would halt and take a photo of something that she believed was artistic, but all I saw as I watched her do her thing was a bench, a tree, or a child playing. It was only as she focused on the photo and hid her face behind the camera did we lose the connection of our hands. I felt the loss immediately, and the moment she was done, I was back by her side, and she didn’t flinch once when I grabbed for her hand.

It was almost becoming a test to see how far I could push before she got completely freaked out. My mind still jumped to the fear on her face when I first attempted to kiss her; I never wanted to see that look again yet I was still willing to test the bounds. I craved to have my mouth and body on hers; I was a man for Christ’s sake, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. But there was a huge difference between craving and acting on and I knew I wouldn’t touch her. I couldn’t. I shouldn’t. I promised. But fuck if I didn’t keep thinking about that kiss we shared.

A loud ding sounded around us and she dropped her hand from mine to grab her phone from deep within her bag. I tucked my hands in my pockets, deciding that it was time to stop touching her while I still had an ounce of control. I watched her close. Her eyes narrowed and then an amused smile took over her face. Her eyes lifted from the screen to look at me.

“Why is your brother sending me inappropriate messages?”

I groaned as soon as the words left her mouth. Josh fucking Crawford strikes again. My brother’s ability to weasel his way into my life at the worst possible time was what legends were made of. Yes he was my little brother but he was also my best friend, my confidant, my annoyance, my brutal honesty, and my exasperation. Eden concentrated on her phone and tapped in a response wearing a smile on her face.

“So, what next?” she asked after placing the phone back in her bag and completely ignoring the look I was giving her. She stared back at me and I returned her gaze. Her brow shot up in question. “Ky?”

My eyes narrowed. “Are you honestly not going to tell me what Josh messaged you?”

Eden chuckled in response. “Apparently I am going to a movie with Josh tonight.”

“I’m coming too,” I confirmed before I could stop myself.

“I thought you’d say that.”

••••

The afternoon chill swept through the air and encased the park with winter delight. During the cab ride back to the island, Eden clicked through the photos she’d taken, showing me her favorite shots and talking in photography lingo that I had no clue about so I simply nodded as if I understood. I enjoyed hearing her talk with so much enthusiasm. She was unbelievably talented, yet anytime I told her, she would blush and tear her eyes away from me. It was devastatingly cute.

When we reached the Island, Eden was dropped off at the hotel and I was taken straight to my apartment. The day had panned out better than I expected, but I needed to get my emotions in check before I saw her again tonight. Holding her hand today had been too intimate. That simple touch crossed the line; it made me uneasy and fearful that I was stumbling into an abyss where I would no longer stay in control. Fuck, I had no clue what I was trying to achieve. I needed to create boundaries. I couldn’t fuck up like that again. My mind went crazy trying to come up with something that I could use. I knew she couldn’t say no but then again I needed to know when she was saying yes because she wanted to and not because she thought she had to. This whole idea was fucked up, and it was doing my head in already. Why the fuck couldn’t I have just let it be? Why couldn’t I have just faded into the scenery and simply been the guy from the office? Nope I had to go and do something like ask her to spend the month with me.

Idiot.

The idea of sitting on my couch, having a beer, and watching some of the game for a few hours sounded like the perfect plan. The moment I unlocked my door and entered my apartment, the sound of the television greeted me. What the hell? I dropped my keys on the glass table in the foyer and as I walked into my living room, I found Josh sitting on my couch, beer in hand and feet up on the coffee table.

“My cable is out so I’m using yours,” he stated, gesturing toward the television before looking back at me expectedly. “How’d your date go today?”

I ran my hand through my hair and groaned in frustration. Not even five seconds and he dives right in with questions about Eden.

“First, how the fuck did you get in here, and second, it wasn’t a date.”

“First, you gave me a key and second, you picked her up, it was a date,” he hit back.

I didn’t bother retaliating. I tore toward the kitchen and pulled out a beer, hoping that the cool amber would offer the much needed relief to my highly strung self. I chugged back half a bottle before moving to the living room and collapsing beside Josh who was still looking at me expectantly.

“It wasn’t a date,” I repeated with more determination in my voice. “By the way, I am coming to the movie tonight.”

“Of course you are.” He laughed, and we fell into watching the game without another word spoken about Eden or our so-called date.

••••

I couldn’t remember the last time I stepped foot in Garden City Cinema, yet the moment I hit the foyer I realized it could have easily been yesterday. The interior hadn’t changed at all, the foyer was still decorated with framed posters of classic movies and the life size cardboard cut-outs of the original Rat Pack and Marilyn Monroe stood on proud display beside the candy counter.

I heard Eden’s laughter before I saw her.

My eyes sifted through the mass of over-eager moviegoers until I found her. Eden stood beside Josh, so casually, so lightheartedly as she laughed at something he had said. I basked in the sight. It was a side of Eden that I was quickly realizing was rarely on display, and I couldn’t ignore the feeling of ease that shot through me. I shamelessly took a moment to take her completely in. As if she felt my eyes on her, she scoured through the crowd until our gaze connected. I felt my mouth curve into a smile, and my hand rose in an acknowledging wave.

I crossed the foyer and lifted my chin in greeting at Josh and leaned in to give Ashlyn a kiss on her cheek. I simply smiled at Eden. My ego soared as her eyes embarrassingly darted away from mine. Ashlyn grabbed hold of Eden’s hand and pulled her toward the ticket booth and my eyes followed their every step.

“They are picking the movie. God only knows what we are in for,” Josh huffed beside me.

“Good night for a chick flick?” I laughed in response.

“We should have brought damn beers.” He groaned and ran his hands through his hair.

“This was your idea.”

Twenty minutes later I was sitting beside Eden in the crowded cinema. We had barely said two words to each other since I arrived and now being in this close proximity I was overcome by the familiarity of her perfume. I slammed my eyes shut and my head fell back against the red velvet of the seat as I took a moment with my thoughts. The lights faded above and the four of us settled back in as the movie began. My eyes kept drifting to the side to take in Eden. She was transfixed on the movie playing before us, but I honestly couldn’t give a shit what was playing.

I shifted in my seat and leaned over until my mouth hovered over her ear. “You look great tonight.”

The light from the large screen allowed me to work out her face in the shadows of the cinema when she turned to face me. Her eyes gleamed at me and she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth as shyness invaded her.

“Thank you,” she whispered after she leaned into me and the moment her breath skidded over my ear I felt the swelling in my pants. “I like your shirt.”

I gave a tight smile and removed my eyes from her and turned back toward the movie. If anyone asked me what it was about, the answer would be the girl beside me because that was the only thing I was concentrating on. The moment she grabbed my forearm during a suspense scene, I thought it was pretty certain that I wouldn’t handle the full movie. Skin to skin contact was fucking dangerous. Her hand stayed on my bare arm, continuing to send a burning sensation through my already on edge body and every so often she would squeeze it just to remind me. I wasn’t actually sure she knew what she was doing.

Josh’s chuckle from beside me drew my attention, and I narrowed my eyes in on him.

“You look a bit tense there brother?” he taunted quietly.

I simply flipped him off.

The moment the credits rolled at the end of the movie, we all rose from our seats and walked back into the main foyer. Ashlyn and Eden started talking about how hot the lead actor was as Josh and I stood by.

“What are you up to tomorrow?” Josh asked.

“I’ve got some work to do so will either head into the office or just work at home.”

“You seeing Eden?”

“Not sure,” I replied honestly. “She might be working or something.”

He nodded and gave me a knowing look.

Ashlyn and Eden eventually stopped swooning, her words not mine, and they both turned to Josh and me expectedly.

“I could completely destroy a piece of pie right now,” Ashlyn announced and excitedly looked between us.

My eyes fell to Eden and for a split second she tensed up but then put on a façade of comfort. She nodded in silent response after Josh loudly agreed. We all took off with the coffee house on the corner in our sights; Eden and I fell into silent step beside each other. One thing I had noticed was that the longer the night went on, the quieter she got and the more anxious she appeared.

“Are you okay?” I asked, dropping my voice so only she heard.

She eventually twisted her body toward me and nodded in silent response.

I felt myself tense. “Are you really okay? Don’t just say yes.”

“I’m just a little tired. It’s been a huge day.” She finally admitted.

“I can take you back to the hotel if you want. You don’t have to come.”

“I want cake,” she replied with a smile. “Although I’m not sure if it could live up to the cake you bought me for my birthday. That was the best cake I’ve ever eaten.”

“I’ll be sure to tell Aunt Carole next time I see her.” I chuckled lightly.

The warmth of the coffee house provided comfort as the four of us walked through the doors. I felt my body start to thaw after the assault of winter chill. Ashlyn grabbed Eden’s hand and took her to a vacant table while Josh and I were on coffee ordering duty.

The moment it was our turn to order, Josh stepped into male slut mode and started trying to get in the barista’s pants after he gave her our order. I shook my head at my brother's moves and turned back toward the main area of the coffee house and took a deep breath.

My nerves were shot; my emotions were all over the place, and I couldn’t decipher whether it was due to lack of sleep, stress at work, or the girl who was unraveling me at a ridiculously fast rate. I glanced toward the table where Ashlyn and Eden sat, and I instantly met Eden’s gaze. She didn’t hesitate this time. Her wide alert eyes met mine with such strong intensity that it was like she was reading me, deciphering every thought I was having. Fuck I really hoped she couldn’t read me too well. She didn’t need to know who I was. I didn’t think she could handle knowing me. She had caught me off guard; I wasn’t expecting her to be watching me so intently. I shifted and turned back toward the counter breaking the connection. Knowing I was under her gaze made my usual confident front crumble.

 

The sanctuary of my hotel room provided me with ultimate relief. The second I closed the door behind me, I burst into a flood of tears. Pretending that everything was fine all day and continuing my charade into the night left me both physically and emotionally exhausted and I knew that it was just a matter of time before I crumbled. And crumbling was something I didn’t want to do in front of Ky.

After sitting in the rustic coffee house that was swallowed by the intense scent of coffee beans for an hour and enjoying hot coffee and cake, Ky had offered to drive me back to the hotel. The trip was a quiet affair and my thoughts were filled with memories of the day. My hand still tingled at the sensation of his huge hand holding mine, and my heart ached at the simplicity and perfection of the day, but it was my mind that was a pit of confusion that I couldn’t sort through.  There was little to no fear, but I felt like I was pretending from the moment he picked me up till the moment he drove off. I didn’t know any other way to survive situations like that, and I had to make the decision whether pretending was what I wanted to do or whether it was time to try and find who Eden Rivers was and whether Ky Crawford was the right person to witness everything that I uncovered.

Tears rolled over my cheeks, and I felt my chest tighten under panic. I rubbed my open palm over my chest in desperation for relief.  I knew it was a huge mistake coming back here.

I pulled my phone from my bag and placed it on the bed as I fished through my suitcase to find a clean pair of sweats and hoodie. The thought of falling into bed and sleeping away my exhaustion was welcomed. My phone vibrated on the floral comforter with a new text. It was nearing one a.m. so immediately I thought it would be Tori.

It wasn’t.

Unknown: Still in town I see and still looking as beautiful as ever, shame about the company you’re keeping.

Who the hell was this? If I ignored it, it had to go away. Right? All day I didn’t feel an ounce of fear; when I held Ky’s hand, I felt nothing but exhilaration. All it took was a few words to cause my fear to roar to life. I needed to ignore this. No one knew I was here, no one knew why I was here. Another five weeks and then I was gone.

I just needed to get through the next five weeks and then I could go back to my life in San Francisco and forget it all.

Sunday came and went without any contact from Ky. Did I expect him to contact me? Yep. Was I a little disheartened when he didn’t? Confusingly yes. I spent the day lazing in bed, eating room service food, and scrolling eBay for things I didn’t need. I should have been prepping for the shoots I had booked and researching the bands, but all I wanted was laziness. I didn’t receive any further messages so I desperately crammed the memory of last night’s text into the pits of my brain. By the time I crawled into bed that night I had spent two hundred dollars on boots, ate way too much candy, and hadn’t stopped thinking about the guy with the honey-colored eyes.

••••

I had just finished pulling on my black boots and headed to the desk that sat by the window to grab my laptop bag and phone when there was a loud knock at the hotel door. It had just clicked over to midday and after a rough night of sleep and lazy morning I was getting ready to head to the diner to get some much needed work done. I hesitantly walked to the door and was thankful there was a peephole. My pulsing heart rate began to slow as I found Josh Crawford standing on the other side of the door, looking at his watch and dressed in a business suit.

“I am happy to hear you are using all the locks,” he announced after I unlocked the deadlock and chain and swung open the door to greet him.

My face must have been asking a thousand questions, because a deep chuckle left him before he spoke again. “I have been requested by a certain brother of mine to bring you into the office today.”

Shyness invaded me and I dropped my eyes to the ground and nodded. “Okay.”

I turned away and collected my laptop, purse, and phone and turned back to find Josh watching me closely. Where Ky had strong hazel eyes, Josh’s were a deep brown. I could definitely see what Tori had been attracted to. Geez, I could see what all girls would be attracted to. Josh held the door open for me and we left the hotel behind us and headed into the city, with our destination being Anderson Publications. For what, I had no clue.

The craziness of the office hit me the moment we stepped out of the elevator. Monday madness, as Josh called it, was in full swing. I pulled my bright pink laptop tote close to my body and weaved my way through the staff, sticking close to Josh, and headed toward a large boardroom in the far corner. I felt people’s eyes on me, and I swear I heard hushed voices asking who I was.

Once we walked into the boardroom, Josh said, “I’ll go and see if Ky is in his office so just take a seat here, and I’ll be back in a few.”

“Sure.”

Josh disappeared through the door and left me to my own devices. The room was huge with a large gleaming white meeting table taking up the space with at least twelve high back, expensive looking executive chairs surrounding it. Pictures of previous covers graced the walls and my eyes instantly began scanning them, taking in the colors, the layout, and the models and some of my favorite bands. I still couldn’t believe, not in my wildest dreams could I ever have imagined, that photos I would take would be gracing the cover of an international magazine.

“Um excuse me, who are you, and what are you doing in here?”

I turned to the rude intruding voice that I found belonged to a striking red head that stood with her hands on her tiny hips and a snigger on her lips. If it wasn’t for her bitchy attitude, I would say she was one of the most stunning women I had ever seen. Her pointed gaze roamed over my body, taking in my skinny jeans, knee high boots, and simple white blouse in clear disgust.

“My name is Eden, and I am waiting for Ky,” I said quickly, hoping that she would turn around and leave.

Her eyes widened and with a couple of steps on her impressive looking heels, she was in the boardroom and closing the door behind her.

“You’re Eden Rivers?” she spat in clear disapproval. “It’s you Ky is rejecting me for?”

Well hello insecurities! I felt myself pull back as I took in the glamour before me. Ky was rejecting her for me? What the fuck? She looked back at me expectantly and continued to judge me with hateful eyes. Where the hell was Ky or Josh? She didn’t speak another word for what seemed like forever, and I had no response.

“I cannot believe that he rejected me yesterday because of you. I’d heard of the infamous Eden Rivers but by what I had heard him say I was expecting someone a bit more polished. Jesus, I am speechless.”

Clearly she wasn’t.

She took a step toward me so she was close enough for her perfume to hit me full force. Her eyes threatened with vindictiveness and a smirk filled her inflated pout. “He doesn’t do relationships; he fucks and runs and I was happy to give him that. I hope you know his expectations and can live up to them.”

“Are you fucking done?”

I jumped at the sound of a very pissed off voice booming from the door. My body swung around to find the intimidating presence of Ky leaning against the doorframe, arms folded across his broad chest and a scowl taking over his face. He was clad head to toe in business attire; he looked nothing like I’d seen him before. My eyes, with a mind of their own, ran the length of his body, taking in the dark charcoal suit, crisp white shirt that was opened at the top with the tie he was wearing loosened around his neck.

“I was just introducing myself to Eden,” the red head stuttered as she urgently tried to back track her words.

“I heard enough to know that wasn’t what you were doing Angela, so fuck off back to your desk. We will discuss this at a later time.” Ky hadn’t looked at me once since he had entered the room; his eyes were glued firmly on the woman I now knew as Angela.

“Are you serious?” Angela questioned, her exasperated tone not missed.

“Do I look like I am joking?”

Finally, Ky looked at me and his eyes softened. I had no clue what was happening. I looked away and dropped my eyes to my laptop bag and fumbled around inside pretending to be looking for something. I heard the mutter of words under breath and then the sound muffled voices.

I didn’t even hear him move through the room, so I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt the soft touch of a hand on the small of my back. When I finally looked up from the floor and turned to face him, Ky looked back at me tensely, his eyes taking in my features as if he was desperately trying to gauge my reaction, to make sure I was okay. I offered the best smile I could.

“Are you okay?” His voice had lost the aggression and was now soft and calming, yet still so deep and enticing.

“Yes,” I responded immediately.

“Fuck Eden, answer me honestly.”

“I am fine,” I spat between clenched teeth all the while glaring at him.

His head flew back, and his eyes locked onto the ceiling. I couldn’t ignore the loud infuriated sigh that escaped his body. “Eden, once again. Are you okay?”

The tension in the room had gone from concern to frustration within a heartbeat. I stayed silent as I tried to decipher my response. Clearly anything I said wouldn’t be what he wanted to hear, and it certainly wouldn’t be anything I wanted to say. He dropped his head from looking at the ceiling and focused squarely on me, waiting expectantly on my response. Everything was lost when he looked at me like that. It was a look that I was becoming very accustomed to. His eyes had lost the ferociousness that they showed moments ago and now they were filled with expectation, protection, and maybe even a little anxiousness. Almost like my response was resting squarely on his shoulders.

“I will be fine,” I admitted in a soft tone. “I just wasn’t expecting to be bombarded by one of your lady friends.”

“Lady friends?” He scoffed and I could tell he was trying to stop himself from laughing.

“I don’t want to stop you from the women you are interested in. It was pretty clear that she has you in her sights and if you want—”

“Just stop before you go any further,” Ky barked, shaking his head in the process. “Do you remember what I said on Saturday?”

My thoughts flew back to Saturday and the conversations we had. I knew exactly what he was referring to. The one conversation that made my heart weep for him. The girl that got away, the one girl he clearly didn’t want to say goodbye to. I nodded in silent response.

“For the last time, I do not have any lady friends, as you call them, and even if I did, it would certainly not be someone like Angela. As I told you, I have no interest in any women at the moment.” His voice dropped dangerously low. “Besides you Miss Rivers.”

My stomach twisted, and my heart rate quickened at his words. I didn’t know whether it was the certainty of his voice, the fact that he was wearing a suit, or the look of confidence spearing from his gaze, but suddenly it made me forget everything and for a brief moment, in the middle of the boardroom, I was just a girl who had the attention of a guy who seemed so out of her league.

I suddenly felt something I hadn’t felt in years.

Alive.