Текст книги "Wanted"

Автор книги: Kelly Elliott

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Текущая страница: 19 (всего у книги 31 страниц)

CHAPTER FORTY

G unner……

Jeff, Gramps and I all cleared and cleaned the dishes while the girls went out and sat on the porch. I couldn’t stop thinking about what it was that got Ellie upset. Did Grams say something to her? Maybe Ari said something? I would have to talk to Grams about it when I was able to talk to her alone.

“Jesus Gunner….you’re deep in thought.” Jeff said as he was trying to hand me a plate to dry.

“Sorry dude, I didn’t mean to space out on you.”

“Women, they will do that to you. Best if you just get used to it now boys cause it will be like this the rest of your lives. When I met my Emma my whole world turned upside down. The boys used to tease me ‘cause they said I walked around with a dopey look on my face all the time. It wasn’t that, I was just thinking about her all the time. What was she doin’ at that moment? Who was she with? Was she thinking about me? It totally scared the shit out of me too let me tell you. Now Drew, your grandmother was not the first girl I ever dated. But she was the first one that ever made me lose my breath when I saw her. The only one I ever thought about damn near 24/7.” Gramps laughed and looked over at Jeff and me. We both were just standing there taking it all in.

“Shit, I still feel the same way about Emma after 49 years of marriage.” He turned and leaned his back up against the sink. “I want you both to listen to me right now. I’m not stupid. You’re both 21, almost 22 now. I know you’ve had sex with girls, probably a lot of them with your good looks. But let me tell you, when you find that one girl….. you’ll know it in an instant. You won’t want to just get in her panties and then leave her. Her eyes will hold your eyes captive and take the air out your lungs with just a smile. Her laugh, well shit……. her laugh will drive you mad and you will try to do everything under the sun to hear it as much as you can. Her tears will rip your heart out, especially if you caused ‘em. Just the sound of her voice will drive you mad. When you find that girl boys, you found love. Not lust….true love. You’ll have found the girl who you will spend the rest of your life loving, taking care of and just trying to make her so goddamn happy that you would gladly die doing it.”

Jeff and I just stood there. I had never heard my grandfather talk about women like this. I mean I knew he loved my Grams with his whole heart that was never a doubt in my mind. But here he stood at 73 years old and it was like he had a window into my heart since the moment I met Ellie.

“When you find it, don’t be stubborn and don’t be scared. Fight for it boys….never let it go.”

We just stood there in silence. Then Jeff let out a laugh.

“Fuck Gunner……I think your goddamn grandfather got a job at Hallmark also.” Gramps slapped Jeff across the head.

“You shut the fuck up….I see how you look at Arianna boy. I might have to staple your damn tongue in your mouth because every time she walks in the room it just hangs out panting!” Gramps said as he finished up and started to head out to the porch.

“You know he’s right.” I said as I put the last of the dishes up. “She’s not going to wait forever Jeff.”

“Yeah, well….I don’t know what the hell y’all are all talking about. There is nothing between Ari and me. Besides, she has a boyfriend or did you forget that?” Jeff said as he grabbed the dominos and headed for the door.

“Nah, I didn’t forget but she sure seems like she has!” I said with a laugh. Jeff just shrugged and headed outside.

Stupid fucker.

We played dominos until the sun went down. I loved every minute of being with the ones I loved so much in my favorite place in the world. Watching Ellie with Grams warmed my heart more than I ever thought it would. Jeff was unusually quite the rest of the night while Ari just went on and on from everything to how she loved dominos to how she was going to kick Jeff’s ass at fishing tomorrow. I knew my Gramps liked Ari. She had a fire about her that he appreciated. You really would never know that this girl came from a shit ton of money.

I really knew he loved Ellie. How could he not? That smile, that laugh and those breathtakingly beautiful blue eyes. Grams had gotten up and went into the house. Gramps foreman Drake showed up with his two sons, Aaron and Dewey. I thought Dews was going to fall over when he saw Ari. Jeff noticed it also and I could practically see the steam coming from his ears.

We talked about going fishing tomorrow and to the river and Dewey made it a point to let Ari know he had tomorrow off and would love to join us if it was alright with us. I had no problem with it and when Ari said she would love for him to join us, Jeff got up and pushed his chair back so fast the damn thing fell over.

“I’m going to take a shower. Talk to y’all later, Drake, Aaron, Dew…..have a good evening.” Jeff gave Ari a look and headed into the house.

“What the hell was that all about and why has he been so quiet tonight?” Ari asked as she looked straight at me like I knew what the fuck his problem was.

“I have no clue; he had been fine all day. Maybe he’s just tired.”

Drake and the boys excused themselves after they talked to Gramps about a few items that Jeff and I were going to take care of while we were there.

Ari stood up and leaned over and kissed Gramps on the cheek. “I think I am going to go and grab a book and relax a bit if y’all don’t mind. There is a sexy vampire named Kane who is waiting for me!”

“Baby girl you make yourself at home you hear.” Gramps said as he stood up when Ari got up and walked into the house.

Just then Grams walked out with a blanket and a basket. Gramps looked over at Ellie and smiled as Grams sat it all down on the small white table that we had been playing dominos on.

“Now, Ellie darlin’, Drew told us you’ve never seen the night sky away from the city lights. I think that is a crime right there that needs a fixing right away. Everyone needs to see the stars out in the country! It is a sight to behold” Grams said as she sat down next to Gramps. He took her hand and kissed the back of it.

Ellie let out a laugh. “No, I never have. That was one of the things I was most looking forward to coming out to the ranch for. I heard it’s amazing!”

“Well, Drew why don’t y’all take the blanket and goody basket your grandmother made up and head out to the west pasture. I think that one will give you plenty of space away from the lights up here.”

I smiled at my grandparents. I knew exactly what they were both up to. My grandfather winked at me as my grandmother told Ellie what she had packed in the basket.

“There are is a mug of hot chocolate along with some fresh chocolate chip cookies I baked this morning. There is also some cut up cheese, crackers and fresh berries straight from the farmer’s market.”

“Oh wow Emma! Thank you so much for putting all this together! I’m so excited. It is a little chilly I’m going to run and grab a sweatshirt and change into sneakers. Be right back!”

Ellie jumped up and kissed Grams on the cheek and headed into the house. I watched her as she practically skipped into the house. Her excitement was infectious.

“That’s a pretty big ole smile you’re wearing on your face Drew!” Grams said as I pulled my eyes away from the door Ellie just went through.

“Yeah well, that girl has turned my world upside down.” I said as I gave Gramps a wink.

“Grams, what was Ellie upset about when I walked in earlier. The site of her crying about had me fall to my knees.”

Grams smiled and looked at Gramps. Something exchanged between the two of them and they never even said a word.

“Don’t worry Drew, I think Ellie was thinking a little bit too much about the past and she got a little overwhelmed that’s all. It’s awfully clear to me how much that young lady adores you. Now you treat her right Drew Garrett Mathews or I will kick your ass up and down the west pasture do you hear me? I like that young lady….a lot.”

“Yes ma’am, I won’t let you down or Ellie for that matter. I um, I actually….well I think I um….I might be…”

“Holy shit son spit it the hell out, I ain’t gettin’ any damn younger!” Gramps said as Grams slapped him.

“Garrett!”

I took a deep breath and looked at the two most important people of my life.

“I love her.”

I just blurted it out and I shook my head as if I couldn’t even believe it still. “I love her so much I can’t even breathe with the thought of her not being in my life forever. I dream about marrying her, having kids with her and sitting on this very porch and watching sunsets with her for the rest of our lives. I love her Grams and Gramps. I know you probably think it is too soon for me to even be thinking about Ellie like that but…”

“Drew listen to me and listen to me good. The first moment I laid eyes on your grandfather I knew. I knew I was going to be spending the rest of my life with him and he felt the same way about me. You are preachin’ to the choir son.”

I took a deep breath in and let it out. “I’m not sure Ellie feels the same way about me Grams.”

“Bullshit!” Gramps said. “I see how that girl looks at you. She can’t take her eyes off of you, just the mention of your name and her eyes light up.”

“Drew, remember what you told us about her mother. All of that negative crap that was pumped into her all those years. I’m sure that Ellie feels the same way about you. It’s just going to take her a little longer to allow that to even be a possibility for her. Even if she has not admitted it to herself Drew, she loves you sweetheart. Just give her the time and space she needs sweet boy of mine. It will happen when it’s meant to happen.”

Just then Ellie came bursting out of the front door with the biggest smile on her face. She stopped dead in her tracks. “I’m sorry, did I interrupt something?” Ellie asked as she looked at my grandparents and then me.

“No sweetheart, not at all. Are you ready to get going and look at some stars?” I asked as I stood up and grabbed the blanket and basket Grams had packed.

Ellie did a little jump and let out a little squeal. I couldn’t help but laugh. She was so damn cute when she was so excited.

“I’m more than ready!”

“Let’s go then. Will y’all be up when we get back?”

Grams started to laugh. “Take your time Drew and don’t worry about waking us up when you get back. Your granddad and I tend to turn in rather early these days.”

“Okay then, good night Grams, good night Gramps.” I said as I leaned down and kissed Grams good night.

Ellie said goodnight to Grams and Gramps and skipped out to the jeep. I couldn’t help but shake my head at her giddiness. It was funny how such simple things excited this girl.

“One rule Ellie….you cannot look up at all okay?” She nodded her head and took her finger and made a cross over her heart.

I hopped into the jeep and we set off for the west pasture. I knew the perfect spot I was going to take her to. There was a giant live oak that I use to lay under when I wanted to be alone and think. It was one my favorite places on the ranch to be.

Ellie sat next to me in the jeep and smiled the whole way. “It’s amazing how I can see even though it is dark! I love it here already Gunner!” Ellie said with a smile.

“I’m glad to hear that sweetheart.”

I pulled up to the oak tree. After a quick check to make sure here was no manure around I laid out the blanket and put the basket down. I turned the ignition over and tuned it to a country station. I had to laugh when “How Country Feels” by Randy Houser started to play.

“Well shit Ells if this ain’t the perfect song for you!”

Ellie laughed and sat down on the blanket.

I knelt down next to her and pushed a piece of hair that had fallen from her pony tail behind her ear.

“Close your eyes sweetheart and don’t open them until I tell you to.”

“Okay….”

Ellie closed her eyes and slowly laid back. I saw her chest rising up and down so fast. God I could just lay here all night and watch her. I leaned in closer to her but was careful not to block her view.

“Open your eyes Ellie.”

She waited a good thirty seconds before she finally opened her eyes. She sucked in her breath and her eyes grew wider. She didn’t say a word. The smile that spread across her face was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen in my life. My fucking dick decided it liked it also. I moved and laid down next to her as I grabbed her hand and just looked up at the endless amount of stars. I never get tired of seeing this.

“It doesn’t even look real. I never knew there were SO many stars. There are millions of them!”

We laid there for I don’t know how long just talking about everything. Favorite movies, songs, singers, bands, you name it we talked about it.

“Gunner can I ask you something and please do not feel like you have to answer.”

“Ellie honey you can ask me anything you want.” I said as I kissed the back of her hand.

“Why don’t you ever talk about your parents?”

I sat up and ran my hand through my hair.

“Um, well…I don’t exactly have the best relationship with them. I haven’t talked to my father or mother in almost three years.”

Ellie sat up and looked shocked. “WHY?”

I let out a small laugh. “Well shit where should I start.”

“Gunner you don’t have to talk about this if it’s upsetting for you.”

I looked over at her and my heart just swelled. I wanted to tell her about my parents.

“No, it’s okay Ellie.” I took a deep breath and started talking.

“My dad is a drill instructor in the Army and he and my mother live in Lawton, Oklahoma. My dad and I had different ideas about what I should do with my life. I wanted to play football back here in Texas. My dream was to go to UT, play football for them and then help out Gramps with the ranch. My father’s dream was for me to go in the Army right after high school. Said it was the only way to make something of my life. He pretty much thought I was a loser for playing football and said I would never get anywhere in my life. After I told him I got accepted into UT and got a football scholarship he told me if I went to school in Texas he was finished with me. My mother never did really have the nerve to stand up to my father so on the day I graduated high school, he had my bags packed and he told me to leave.”

“Oh my gosh Gunner how could your own parents do that to you? Have you talked to them at all?”

“No, not since I started UT. My mother called a few times the summer after high school. I was staying here with Gramps and Grams. But once she realized I was not going to back down….well, I haven’t talked to her since that summer. Not even at Christmas. Don’t feel bad for me sweetheart. It’s really no different than your mother doing what she did to you all those years.”

Ellie laid back down on the blanket and looked up at the stars. We sat there in silence for a few minutes.

“Do you want kids Gunner?”

My heart started beating a mile a minute. What if Ellie didn’t want kids? I had always dreamed of a little boy or girl I could teach to fish, ride a horse, learn about the cattle business. It was something I longed for. What if Ellie’s mother had totally fucked up her thinking of kids? I panicked for a brief second.

“Yes, I want kids someday. What about you?”

Ellie stared up at the stars and then smiled. She turned her head over and looked at me and that smile of hers just blew me away.

“Yes and I will love them unconditionally.”

I let out the breath I was holding in.

Ellie wanted kids.

God how I hoped I was the one to make that another one of her firsts.

CHAPTER FORTY ONE

E llie……

Gunner pretty much held his breath until I said that I also wanted kids someday. I wonder what he was thinking. I actually saw him let out the breath he was holding when I said yes. Was he thinking he wanted to have kids with me?

I could only dream. The thought of having Gunner’s kids was too much to even think about. I could just see them now running around the ranch with Gunner chasing them. I bet he would make a great dad to our kids.

Oh wow….where the hell did that come from? OUR KIDS??? I sat up quickly and shook my head. Fuck me why did I keep getting these thoughts?

Just then Lady Antebellum’s “Just a Kiss” started to play. Oh God I loved this song! I jumped up and about scared the shit out of Gunner.

“Oh my God I LOVE this song! Can I turn it up?”

Gunner laughed at me. “Of course you can sweetheart!”

I got up and started to walk over to the jeep. Just then I heard something. It was someone whistling and it was loud! Then I heard dogs howling. I let out a scream as I turned to run back to Gunner. I saw Gunner jump up and before I knew it I jumped into his arms and wrapped my legs around his body and buried my face.

“Holy fuck Ellie what’s wrong? What happened?”

“OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD who is that whistling at us and do you not hear the coyotes!?! They’re going to come after us!” I practically screamed into Gunner’s chest.

Then I heard the whistle again! Holy shit it sounded like it belonged in the Amazon rain forest!

“There it is again!”

Gunner threw his head back and laughed. I kept my face buried into his neck.

“Holy hell Ells….those are Whipporwills. They’re birds!” Gunner was laughing his ass off as he held me. I don’t think I could have had my legs wrapped around him any tighter. I looked at him confused as shit.

“Wait. What? They’re birds? What kind of birds are out at night for Christ sakes and how close are those coyotes?”

“They’re not that close. Sound really travels in the country Ells. You could be a half a mile from me talking and I would be able to hear you. It’s alright; there is nothing to be scared of.”

Oh gesh….I felt like an idiot. He was smiling from ear to ear that beautiful crooked smile. Instantly I felt the ache between my legs. I didn’t even realize it at first but I pushed my hips into Gunner. Gunner’s smile faded and he leaned in to kiss me.

And kiss me he did! Holy fuck this might have been the most passionate kiss ever from him. I grabbed his hair and held him tighter and kissed him back with just as much passion. He started to walk while he held onto me and next thing I knew he had me pressed up against the jeep, he adjusted me to where I could feel his erection. We never broke the kiss. The ache between my legs was growing as he slowly started to move his hips against it. I instinctively moved my hips with his. Gunner slowly pulled his mouth away from mine. The look in his eyes was amazing. I will never forget it as long as I live.

“Ellie, can I touch you?”

Oh. My. God…….

“Yes.”

Gunner slowly placed his hand under my t-shirt. His hand started to move up my stomach and I thought I was going to explode from the inside out.

“Fuck Ellie….your skin is so soft.”

I couldn’t even think. His touch was driving me crazy. The ache between my legs was growing stronger and I was starting to feel weird. I shivered and Gunner stopped moving his hand.

“Touch me Gunner…please keep touching me.” I begged. God I didn’t want him to stop.

Gunner leaned in and started to kiss me again. I felt him move my bra and it released my breasts to him. His hand moved and started to caress each one. Then he started to play with my nipple. I let out a moan against his mouth and I felt him press his hips harder into me.

There was a strange intense feeling building in my body. What the hell was going on? I pressed my hips harder into Gunner and started to rock against him. He kept playing with my nipples, twisting them and pulling them. He pushed me harder into the jeep and took his other hand and grabbed the back of my head and deepened our kiss as he pressed harder into me.

Oh. My. Fucking. Hell…..

Something was happening to me….I pulled away from Gunner as it hit me full force. I started to scream out his name as the feeling got so intense I thought I was going to die. Gunner captured my screams with his mouth.

I thought for a brief moment I had left my body. As I started to come down from the overwhelming pulsating sensations Gunner slowed down his kissing and stopped playing with my nipple. He moved his hand around to my back. I felt so weak I think if he were to put me down right now I would collapse onto the ground.

Gunner ever so slowly pulled away from my mouth as I opened my eyes. I was breathing like I just ran a fucking marathon and so was he. He leaned his forehead against mine and we didn’t move until we both caught our breath.

“Baby, please tell me that was your first orgasm.”

Fuck me….I just had an orgasm. I was going to fucking KILL Ari for not telling me how fucking amazing they were. Were all of them this wonderful? Maybe it is because it was with Gunner? I didn’t even know you could have one without having sex…..Okay well, I did, but not just by kissing and a little hip grinding.

“Gunner…..” It was all I could manage to get out of my mouth. I watched as a smile came across that beautiful face of his.

“Another first baby?”

I started to laugh. “YES! Another first!”

Gunner grabbed me by the back of the head and kissed the shit out of me again. He pulled away and kissed the tip of my nose.

“My God Ellie the things you do to me baby. I want to make you feel that good every day.”

“I would be okay with that!”

Gunner threw his head back and laughed.

“Ellie thank you for allowing me to do that for you. You’ve had a very busy day of firsts haven’t you?”

I let out a giggle as he slowly started to lower me to the ground and I adjusted my bra.

“Yes but I think that last one was my favorite out of all of them!” I said as I looked up at him. My god he was so handsome and his eyes were filled with…….love.

Gunner pushed me back up against the jeep and started to kiss me again. It was the most magical moment of my life and nothing would ever top it.

Gunner slowly moved his lips from mine but kept them just barley touching mine.

“Ellie…..I love you…….”

Nope, I was so wrong…….that was the most magical moment of my life.

“I love you too Drew.”

Gunner pulled back his head and stared at me in shock. I was pretty damn shocked myself that I just said that out loud. It was true though and it felt like the exact right moment to say it.

Then he smiled. I felt my body slowly start sliding down the jeep……my knees would not hold me up. Gunner reached around my hips and pulled me and pressed me into the jeep again.

“You just made me the happiest man on earth Ellie Johnson. I will love you for the rest of my life baby.”

Then he kissed me so slow and so sweet. My heart was squeezing in my chest. I did it; I gave my heart away to someone when I swore I would never do it again. I prayed to God that Gunner was right….will he love me the rest of his life? Will he always want me?

You will never be wanted by anyone……..

I felt a tear roll down my face. Gunner must have felt it too. He pulled back and wiped it away with his thumb.

“Please tell me that is a happy tear sweetheart.”

“Yes, yes it is. Promise me that you will not break my heart Drew. Promise me that will you?”

He looked at me and his eyes started to fill with tears. Oh my…..

“Ellie, I would rather die than ever break your heart. I have never in my life felt like this. I would lay down my life for you if I had to. I love you baby.”

I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck as he lifted me off the ground. I wanted to stay right here just like this forever!

In Gunner’s arms laying under the stars at the ranch.

“You ready to head back to the house sweetheart?”

Every time he called me sweetheart or baby my stomach did flip flops. I loved it so much. I loved him so much. Yes….I loved him and if he was willing to take a leap of faith on us, so was I.

“Okay, except we hardly ate anything your grandmother packed. I feel so bad!”

“Don’t worry about it. We can take it with us down to the river tomorrow. Jeff and I have a few things to take care of in the morning around the ranch but we are free all afternoon. What do you say you and Ari meet us at the river around one?”Gunner said as he brought the basket back over to the jeep and I folded up the blanket and set it on the back seat.

“Sounds good, but how will we find our way to the river? This place is HUGE!”

Gunner let out a laugh as he went to start the jeep. It wouldn’t turn over. Oh shit. After two more attempts it finally started.

“I need to tell Drake that the battery needs replacing in this thing. Make sure y’all take my truck tomorrow and I will have Grams tell y’all how to get there in the morning.”

Gunner reached over and gave me a kiss before he pulled out onto the gravel road and headed back to the ranch house. I had never in my life felt as happy as I did at this moment. I never wanted to leave. I thought I was so excited about starting school at UT in the fall but I found myself dreaming of starting a family with Gunner and living here on the ranch. What a silly dream….he was going to school to become an Architectural Engineer, not a rancher.

We drove in silence until we reached the ranch house. Before Gunner got out I reached over and held his arm to stop him.

He turned and looked at me with a smile. “What’s wrong sweetheart?”

I was not sure why I needed to ask him this but it all of a sudden became very important to me.

“Nothing is wrong it’s just….well I mean with us talking about wanting kids and everything I just…..well I just wanted to ask you…..shit….this is not coming out right!”

“Ellie, I’ve already told you sweetheart you can ask me anything you want. I’ll never hide anything from you.”

“I just was wondering where you saw yourself in the future? I mean I know you only have one more year of college and your degree is in Architectural Engineering but you also love football so much. Jefferson mentioned that you already had NFL teams interested in you. Do you see yourself playing pro football?”

Gunner sat back in his seat and pushed his hand through his hair. Holy hell I loved it when he did that and I started to get that damn ache between my legs again. I had to fiddle around in my seat to ease the ache. Gesh how does he turn me on so easily?

Gunner looked over at me after sitting there for almost a minute in silence.

Oh shit….here it is….. I just knew he was going to say he sees himself playing pro ball….did I want to be with someone who would be traveling all the time….the women who would always be after his attention I just couldn’t imagine it….my heart just sank.

“Honestly Ellie, my dream ever since I was a little kid was to build and design buildings and to run this ranch. I figured I could do both so that’s why I majored in Architectural Engineering. Jeff and I both are going to get hired on where we have been interning after we get out of school but I already worked it out to where I would do most of my work from out here. My number one dream is to take over this ranch. I would like to get married here, have my kids here and raise them right here on the ranch.”

I was not expecting him to say that. It felt like at least one hundred butterflies went off in my stomach. Would he ever want that life with…..me?

“So, no pro football even though you have teams trying to get you signed on?” I asked as I fiddled with my hands.

“No Ells, no pro football. I don’t want to be away from the people I love. Especially with my grandparents getting older I want to be here for them. Take the burden off of them with the ranch and I if I am really blessed I hope to give them great grandkids.”

“Oh wow….um…that sounds wonderful Gunner.” I turned to open the door to get out of the jeep but Gunner grabbed my hand and stopped me.

He started to laugh. “Well that’s not really fair. You get to ask me about my future, what about yours?”

What was I going to say? Oh well okay…I have only known you for a little over a month now but I want to marry you and have your kids and live out here on your family’s ranch. Yeah that would scare him the fuck off!

“Well I guess I’m not really sure where I see my future. I’m starting college soon so I guess that is really about as far as I’m thinking right now just going to college.” I said with a shrug of my shoulders.

Gunner’s face fell and it looked like he was devastated. What the hell? What did I say wrong?

He slowly gave me a small smile and let go of my hand. He got out of the jeep so fast I almost didn’t see him grab the basket and head to the front door.

OH SHIT! I guess I pretty much just told him I didn’t think I saw him in my future.

OH NO! FUCK!

“Gunner wait a minute! That’s not the truth, that’s not the truth at all.”

“It’s okay Ellie, we have different ideas about our future it’s not that big of a deal.” He said as he turned to walk away. How could he say that? Why would he say that?

“Gunner please stop! Don’t walk away from me after what just happened between us.”

Gunner stopped and turned to look at me. “I would never walk away from you Ellie. Ever…..”

I walked up to him and stood on the porch next to him. I was scared out of my mind to tell him what I really saw but I knew I had to. For some reason I had to let him know I saw the same future and I just prayed to God that it was me he saw in his future like it was him I saw in mine.

“Gunner, this is all moving so fast for me and…well….. it was huge for me to tell you how I feel about you. I’m so scared; you have no idea how scared I am. I love you! I love you with all of my heart and the moment I got out of your truck earlier today all I could think about was being here, right here on this ranch, sitting on this porch with you and watching sunsets and sunrises with you and seeing our kids running all over the place and Emma teaching me how to make all your favorite foods. I have not been able to stop thinking about it all day and it scares the fuck out me!” I just spilled all that out and Gunner was just standing there staring at me with no emotion on his face. I had to sit down.

Oh shit…I think I’m going to throw up! Oh god I can’t breathe!

I walked over and sat down on one of the chairs. I leaned my head down into my hands and cursed myself for being so stupid! How could I lay my whole heart out there like that? OH MY GOD….

You will never be wanted by anyone……………..

I heard Gunner put the basket down and walk over to me. He got down on his knees and just stayed like that. What was he waiting for? What was he doing? I slowly lifted my head to look at him. What was I going to see? Probably pity in his eyes….just because he said he loves me doesn’t mean he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.