Текст книги "Collateral Damage"

Автор книги: Kaylea Cross

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Текущая страница: 11 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

Liam’s heart sunk. Blinski needed all the inner strength and positive thinking he could muster right now. “No, man. There’s no way you could have been there. We gave them a proper sendoff, so don’t worry.”

Blinski made a negative sound, gave a tiny, frustrated shake of his head. “Shoulda died too…”

Ah, hell. Liam gripped the railing tighter. What the hell was he supposed to say? Struggling to find the right words, he finally came up with, “Wasn’t your time, I guess.”

Tears rolled out of the corner of Blinski’s eye, disappearing beneath the thick wad of bandages covering the rest of his face. “God, wish I was dead,” he choked out.

Liam shot a helpless glance at Freeman then back at Blinski, resisted the automatic urge to argue and tell him not to talk like that. “Do you need more pain meds?” Clearly the guy was suffering despite whatever medication they were giving him and it made Liam feel sick to his stomach with helplessness.

Blinski closed his eye as a ragged sob tore free, his blistered mouth contorting. “Why couldn’t I have just died?” he moaned, and Liam knew he wasn’t really talking to him or Freeman.

“Naw, man,” Freeman interjected, stepping closer to the bed, a worried frown on his face. Liam noticed the beads of sweat dampening the man’s dark skin. Being powerless in this kind of situation sucked. “I know you feel that way now but plastic surgeons can do amazing things, and when you touch down your wife will be waiting to see you—”

“I don’t want her to see me,” Blinski bit out in that chilling, rough-edged voice as he shot a one-eyed glare at Freeman. “Fucking look at me.” He lifted the bandaged stump where his right hand had once been, grimacing in pain as he did so.

The force of the distraught words coming out of that ruined throat had the hair on Liam’s nape standing up. Christ, maybe they shouldn’t have come in at all. Freeman fell silent and clamped his lips shut, his gaze going to the floor.

“Kim’s going to be there for you through all this,” Freemen said at last, his voice firm despite its low volume. Liam didn’t say anything, relieved that Freeman was trying to get Blinski to focus on the positive, give him something to hope for. “They’re flying her to Germany to be with you.”

“Not after she…sees my face,” he whispered tearfully. “I’m a H-Halloween mask. Fucking Freddy Kruger, all…melted and shit, I…” He trailed off as another ragged sob shook him.

“Yes she will,” Freeman argued, his voice tinged with a hint of anger this time. “She’s a good woman and she loves you. You’ll get through this together.”

“No.” Blinski shook his head. “No…”

Liam swallowed, thinking of the pain Blinski had already suffered and the countless rounds of plastic surgery he would face during his recovery. Probably years of it. And Liam barely knew Kim. He had no idea how seriously she’d taken the “through sickness and in health, through good times and bad” part of her marriage vows. Even if she could get past the horrific scarring her husband had suffered, she might not be able to handle the accompanying emotional and mental trauma.

So no, Liam couldn’t even imagine what his fellow Night Stalker was going through.

After a few minutes of tense silence Blinski was back in control. His eye opened again and focused on Liam, the expression in it almost accusing. “What the fuck am I gonna do?” The desolation in the question was like a punch to the diaphragm.

Liam opened his mouth to say he was going to have to take this one day at a time, but Blinksi kept talking.

“Did you know Kim…was a beauty queen?”

Liam shook his head and stayed silent, letting the man vent. There was no other comfort he could offer.

“High school valedictorian.” He paused, sucking a raspy breath into his ruined lungs. “Modeled until…she had Jesse.” Their six-year-old son.

His lips clamped together for a moment. “He’s gonna…be terrified of me.” Anguish poured out of him. “My son won’t fucking be…able to look at me.” This time the sobs ripped free without any restraint, as if he couldn’t hold them back anymore. Awful, raspy noises came from his chest, ending in feral growls as his body stiffened.

The guy was in fucking agony, inside and out.

Unable to stand it, Liam grabbed the call bell and hit it. Seconds later a nurse came rushing in. She took one look at Blinski’s condition and went to the IV. “I’m gonna give you a higher dose, okay? Take the pain away and let you get some sleep.” She shot an accusing glare at both Liam and Freeman, who stood there in silence. Liam didn’t know about Freeman, but he suddenly felt like an asshole for being here.

Moments after she’d adjusted the drip and injected something into the line, Blinski’s restlessness faded and his eyelid began to droop. “Wish I…was dead,” he mumbled as his eye closed, that raspy voice barely audible.

When he was out, Freeman expelled a hard sigh of relief and scrubbed a hand over his face. Liam headed for the door, feeling ill. Out in the hallway he turned to find Freeman stopped by the closed door, his head down, one hand rubbing at the back of his neck in clear agitation.

God. “That was tough,” Liam murmured, shaken. They’d come to support Blinski but maybe they’d made things worse for him. He felt bad about that.

Freeman looked up at him, his dark brown eyes tormented as he pressed his lips together. “I don’t…” He shook his head, tears gleaming in his eyes. “I can’t…” His normally stoic and unflappable co-pilot covered his face with one hand, his shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

Inwardly cursing, Liam grabbed the man’s shoulder and pulled him into a hug. Freeman leaned into him slightly, his face still averted as he tried to choke back the tears. Liam squeezed the sturdy shoulder he held. “I know. I know, it fucking sucks and it’s not fair,” he murmured, holding tight. This was the reality of the danger they all faced every time they went on a mission. Confronting it face-to-face was still a shock though.

It was a stark reminder of how fragile life was, and of the things that truly mattered. Honor’s face appeared in his mind. It could have been him lying in that room burned beyond recognition. And then what? Aside from his regiment, who would have given a shit if that happened to him? Would Honor stick with him through something like that?

Hell yeah, she would. He knew it without question, and a wave of self-loathing washed over him. What the fuck was wrong with him that he’d walked away from a woman like that? He’d already been regretting his actions. He couldn’t stop thinking about her, still couldn’t believe he’d walked away the other night. His feelings for her weren’t ever going to go away.

He shelved that worry for later. “He won’t go through this alone,” Liam said to Freeman.

The other man nodded, fighting to get hold of himself. After a few moments he pushed away. He sniffed, wiped a hand over his wet face and cleared his throat. “You think he’s gonna make it?”

Liam ran a hand through his hair. “Physically, yeah. I mean in time, as far as medicine will allow, anyway. The rest?” He blew out a breath. “Hope to God he’s as strong as I think he is.” It could be that Blinski would never be able to cope with what had happened to him. He faced a long, hard road ahead of him, one Liam didn’t envy.

Together they left the hospital and walked in silence back to their barracks. The late spring sunshine was hot as it beat down on them but Liam felt cold all the way to his bones.

Freeman shot him a sideways glance as they neared the security gate leading to the Spec Ops area. “Guess Honor left this morning?”

Liam concealed his reaction to the mention of her name. Freeman was well aware of how he felt about her. Though Liam hadn’t said anything, Freeman likely had an idea things had reignited between them after the base attack. “Yeah.” He paused. “I fucked up.”

“Sorry, man. That bites.”

Gritting his teeth, Liam only nodded. For the past two days he’d been wrestling with his decision, going over every detail.

He’d wanted closure and she’d given it to him: in a vivid, high-definition emotional experience he couldn’t stop thinking about. It had been his choice to end it this time. His turn to walk away.

Worst mistake of his life.

This was his wakeup call, he realized. Was he really going to let her go because of fear and pride?

Fuck no, he wasn’t. But what if it was already too late to fix it?

The thought filled him with panic. He walked faster, focused now on getting to his barracks so he could start trying to fix the mess he’d made.

Chapter Fourteen

M9A1 Beretta extended before her, feet apart in a solid Weaver stance, Honor stared down the front sight at the end of the barrel and squeezed the trigger. With her elbows slightly bent and her hands wrapped around the weapon, the smooth recoil of the handgun felt good, as did the satisfying pop, pop, pop through her noise-canceling headphones as she emptied the fourth magazine into the target at the far end of the range.

When it was empty she lowered, then safetied, her weapon before ejecting the empty magazine. With a critical eye she studied the bullet holes on the new paper target. Nice grouping at center mass, but a few stragglers that annoyed her. Gah. Just like in her personal life, she was currently off her game with her shooting skills too.

Firming her lips, she reached her right hand back, palm up, and wiggled her fingers impatiently. “Gimme another.”

“I think you got him. Pretty sure he’s dead at this point,” Devon said in a dry tone from behind her.

Honor made an impatient sound and wiggled her fingers harder. “And he’s about to die again. Just cleaner this time.”

A husky, feminine chuckle reached her as Devon handed her a full mag. “Working out a little bit of frustration today, are you?”

“Oh yeah.” She slammed the mag in, slid off the safety and pulled back the slide. With her right index finger along the side of the barrel and both thumbs married on the left, she locked her hands around the weapon and tried again. This time the grouping was even tighter.

Satisfied with her performance this time, she lowered the weapon and took the empty mag out, then set it on the counter and removed her ear and eye protection. She turned to Dev. “You want a turn?”

“Nah, I’m good.” Dev was leaning against the wall of the cubicle in the public gun range just outside of Tacoma, Washington, arms folded over the front of her Seahawks T-shirt and her legs crossed at the ankle. The former Army helo pilot raised her brows in turn and cocked her head, making her chin-length brown bob swish against her cheeks. “Feel any better?”

“A little, yeah.” She and her guys were headed to the base range tomorrow to re-qualify and it was a point of pride to do at least as well or better than her soldiers. It also earned her a grudging respect from a few men who continued to be less than enthusiastic about having a female superior. So, win-win. “Where to now?”

“Watching you assassinate all those paper targets made me hungry. I’ll take you to lunch.”

Honor gave her a dirty look. “You just wanna grill me about Liam.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Dev grabbed her by the arm and started towing her to the door.

Since she had the rest of the day off and had nothing better to do, Honor allowed Dev to steer her outside and toward her car. “You sure move fast for someone who’s still rehabbing from knee surgery,” she said on a laugh.

“I’m pretty much done with all that now and I’ve got quads of steel to prove it,” she answered, still pulling.

“You out job hunting yet then? I know by now you’re dying to get back in the cockpit.” Giving up flying Black Hawks must be hard for her, but Honor bet prospective employers didn’t see many female applicants with a service record like Devon’s. No doubt they were falling all over themselves trying to nab her.

“Already got two offers lined up, both private domestic contracts. Just waiting to see what Cam’s next orders are before making my decision. The money’s insane compared to what I made while I was in the service. I even negotiated terms on what aircraft I will and won’t fly. Nothing smaller than a 407,” she added smugly. “Both owners have been fighting over me the past few months while I’ve been recovering. They’ve been wining and dining me and one even offered to fly me to a spa down in California in his private bird while I think over the job offer.”

“And you didn’t go?” Man, Honor would be all over that.

“Not yet, but I will. Right before the wedding.” She shot Honor a grin.

“You are so awesome.”

“Ha! Thanks. I almost feel like I’m being romanced.”

Honor grinned back. “Bet Cam hates that, another man moving in on you, even if it is only about work.”

“He doesn’t love it,” Dev admitted, stopping at their cars, which were parked side by side. “A little competition’s good for him though. Keeps him on his toes, so he doesn’t get all complacent just because his ring’s on my finger.” She waggled her brows, and Honor knew she was totally teasing. Dev and Cam were completely devoted to each other.

They drove separately to a favorite comfort food place of Honor’s, located ten minutes away from base and slid into opposite sides of a booth at the back of the restaurant. After they both ordered an iced tea, Honor propped her elbows on the table, rested her chin in her hands and said, “All right, hit me.”

Not even pretending to misunderstand, Dev leaned forward, her expression avid. “So what happened between you guys over there?”

Like she didn’t already have a good idea. “What did Cam tell you, exactly?”

Her friend made a frustrated sound. “The man is like a vault about stuff like that, which I’ll admit is partly why I love him. All he said was he thought you guys had some unresolved issues to deal with.”

“Well that’s one way to put it, yeah,” she muttered, squeezing her lemon wedge into her drink and dropping it into the glass. She stirred her straw through the ice as she thought about how to explain it. She’d been back at JBLM for over a month now. The only ones from Bagram she had any contact with now were Erin by phone and Ace via e-mail. “The short and sweet version? He wanted closure. I gave it to him.”

Dev’s gray eyes widened. “By closure you mean…”

She nodded. “Uh huh.”

Dev lifted her eyebrows. “And then what?”

“And then he left.”

“Oh.” Dev sat back, a disappointed look on her face. “And you guys haven’t had any contact since?”

“Apart from a couple e-mails that told me absolutely nothing except he was sorry and thinking of me for whatever reason, no.” Since the second one just over a week ago there’d been radio silence from him. Maybe because she hadn’t responded to either of his e-mails. She was too angry to bother.

“What did he say?”

Honor sighed. “That he was ‘so fucking sorry for the way he acted’ and was thinking of me and wanted to talk when he got the chance. Whenever that might be. But he hasn’t called and it’s been over two weeks now since the last e-mail.” Just radio silence.

“And what did you say to him?”

“Nothing. I didn’t answer either time because I’ve got nothing to say to him. He can’t use me like that, stop by for a roll in the sack two nights before I go home, then take off. And he thinks sending me a couple of e-mails, one on the day he knew I was traveling and couldn’t respond, would make it all better? That’s pathetic.”

Devon narrowed her eyes. “What a freaking douche. I’m so disappointed. I thought Liam was better than that.”

“Nope. I’m done with the whole toxic relationship thing.”

Dev was quiet a moment. “He did reach out though. He wouldn’t have apologized if he didn’t mean it. And the two week delay since his last contact could mean all kinds of things. You know how it is with their OPTEMPO over there. Maybe he’s been stationed somewhere else or on a training mission someplace without access to internet.”

“Maybe. Still have nothing to say to him.” Nothing good, anyhow. Even as she thought it, a sliver of guilt needled her. They were both too freaking stubborn for their own good.

Pride goeth before a fall. That was a mistake they’d both made more than once in their relationship.

She rubbed a hand over the back of her neck, wondering what else to say. She’d talked to Erin about the situation because it was necessary for her sanity, but even her best friend hadn’t really helped her feel any better. She’d feared that talking with Dev might be a little awkward since she and Liam were casual buddies, but Honor appreciated having a sympathetic female ear from someone she could trust.

“Look, I know he cares. We both still care, but that’s not enough and if he’s not willing to forgive me, what can I do? He can’t keep punishing me for it.”

“No, of course not. This is on him now.”

She really loved that Dev was standing with her on this. “Well, I’m tired of the constant back and forth. It’s like a bad soap opera,” she muttered. “No more.” Because fuck him.

Only problem was, she couldn’t shut her feelings off that easily, which only made Liam’s idea of “closure” harder to swallow. She’d thought coming stateside would help her mentally shift away from having to let Liam go, but being back home only made the loss of him more acute. Everywhere she went there were reminders of him: at home, on base, places around town they’d gone to together. It was never-ending. Thank God things had been busy at work, otherwise she’d have been as depressed as she had been when they’d broken up initially.

Dev kept watching her. “So that’s definitely it this time?”

“Yes.” Though it sounded firm, the admission caused a sharp twinge in her chest. “It was probably stupid of me to give in like that, but when he just showed up and said he wanted closure, I thought that’s what I wanted too. I thought I needed it as much as he did. But I still don’t have it.” And she was pissed that he’d treated what they’d shared that night as a simple goodbye fuck when they both knew it had been way more than that. She wanted to punch him for the way he’d treated her.

Dev made a sympathetic sound. “That’s so hard, I don’t know what to say.”

It was. “I don’t know what it’s going to take for me to get over him. I’m fully aware of how unhealthy this all was. If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, then I guess I must have been insane.” She gave a humorless laugh. “God, maybe I’m as nuts as Charity.”

“Uh, no, sorry. She’s in a different galaxy from your kind of nuts.”

She gave Dev a wry grin. “Thanks. That makes me feel slightly better.”

“Welcome.” She looked up as the waitress arrived to take their orders. When she was gone Dev continued. “How are things with your sister, anyway?”

Honor shrugged. “Same as they’ve been for the past year, I guess. She’s seeing the same therapist and whatever meds they’ve got her on seem to be doing the trick.”

“Do you guys keep in touch often?”

“No, and I haven’t spoken to either of my parents in over a year either. Charity did contact me after the base attack though, to make sure I was okay. I dunno, our relationship now is hard to explain. I love her because she’s my sister, but I’m not going to let myself get close to her again. I can’t.”

When Dev stared at her without saying anything, it hit Honor all over again at how much her words mirrored Liam’s. Once someone had hurt you that much, it was nearly impossible to let them back in again.

She snatched the menu from where it rested between the salt and pepper shakers and the wall. “So I’m definitely ordering dessert. I deserve chocolate.”

“Yeah you do,” Dev agreed with a firm nod of solidarity.

Honor waved a hand. “Anyway, enough about all that. Tell me about the wedding.” Which Liam was also invited to. Honor wasn’t sure he’d even be able to attend, but if he did, she was going to have her work cut out trying to keep a smile on her face for the event. She’d suck it up for Dev and Cam though.

Their food arrived and Dev told her all about the wedding and reception planned at a resort in Leavenworth, about a two and a half hour drive from Tacoma. She kept it brief, only giving the high points before finishing with a shrug and a “that’s it”. Honor knew it was because her friend didn’t want to rub her about-to-be-wedded bliss in her face. The consideration only made her love Dev all the more.

“What about things at work since you’ve been back,” Dev asked, shoving a ketchup-dipped fry into her mouth.

Honor forked up a bite of the decadent six-cheese mac and cheese. Saturated fat and a plateful of empty calories? Bring it on and keep it comin’. “Pretty good. Usual stuff. Got a couple guys going through rough times at home though.”

Dev nodded. “Think you’ll be seeing a lot more of that now that you guys are back.”

“Yeah, I think you’re right. Not my favorite part of the job, though I don’t usually get involved unless one of them comes to me. My NCOs are pretty awesome.”

“That’s good.”

“There’s one guy I’m pretty concerned about.” Ipman. He’d become sullen and withdrawn, almost antisocial over the past few weeks. Hell, Andrews was like a ray of sunshine to be around compared to him now. Things between Ipman and his soon to be ex-wife had deteriorated substantially since he’d come home. Honor hadn’t gotten involved in the day-to-day happenings but kept tabs on the situation by getting periodic reports from Smithers. “Not much I can do without my superiors finding out about the situation and I’d prefer that didn’t happen.”

“Understandable.” She popped in another wad of fries.

Honor’s cell phone rang from her jacket pocket. Fishing it out, she saw Smithers’s number and answered. “Hey. What’s up?”

“The shit hit the fan at the Ipman household,” the sergeant said. “He’s in jail.”

Honor sucked in a breath. “What?”

“I’m not clear on what happened exactly, but he was sloppy drunk when he came into the house, threatened his wife and put his fist through the wall. Broke his hand but considering his blood alcohol level when they booked him, I think he’s only starting to feel it now.”

“This was on base?” If MPs had gone to get him, everyone on his block would already know about it.

“No, this was at his wife’s sister’s place.”

Oh, awesome. Honor rubbed her forehead. “Did a judge set bail or anything?”

“No, and from the looks of things I think they’ll be keeping him at least overnight.”

Hell. “I’ll come down right now.”

“Thanks, ma’am. You were the first person I thought to call.”

“Glad you did. Where are you?” When he told her she consulted her watch. “I’ll be there in twenty.” Hanging up, she looked across the table at Devon. “Speak of the devil.”

“Duty calls?”

“It’s why they pay me the big bucks.” She reached into her purse and pulled out a twenty then tossed it onto the table. “Sorry to run, but I gotta go meet my sergeant. Rain check on the chocolate coma?”

“You bet.” Dev slid out of the booth and hugged her. “Call me anytime you need an ear, okay? And if you want me to knock some sense into Liam next time I hear from him, let me know. I’m totally down for that.”

Honor squeezed her tight. “Thanks. I have a few more rants left in me yet, I’m sure. I’ll call you soon.”

“You better.”

Releasing her, Honor stepped back. “Well, off I go to perform damage control.”

Dev offered an encouraging smile. “Good luck.”

“Thanks.” I have a feeling I’m gonna need it.