Текст книги "Collateral Damage"

Автор книги: Kaylea Cross

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Текущая страница: 13 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

Now she frowned in concern. “Is he going to make it?”

He nodded slowly. “Physically he’ll live, but I don’t know if the rest of him will.”

When she kept watching him without saying anything further he rubbed his palms over his thighs and continued. “As soon as I walked out of that room, it hit me hard how short life really is. I was mad and hurt about everything that happened between us before and I swore I’d never let you in again. But that morning I realized… I’d never really let you go in the first place,” he finished in a rough voice.

Honor stared at him, her expression going from surprised to skeptical. “What the hell, Liam? So you’re saying the last two years have been nothing but a big power trip on your part, to punish me? I apologize, lay myself bare in person even though I knew you might reject me anyway, and it didn’t do a damn bit of good.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I was a fucking idiot to not realize what I was doing. I wasted so much time we could have been together and I can’t make up for that. All I can do is try to make it work now.” It sounded lame, even to him, but he meant it. He’d lost her once. He wasn’t letting it happen a second time.

Muttering a curse she broke eye contact and sat up, wincing at the movement.

Liam shifted to the couch and sat next to her, ignoring the way she stiffened. He didn’t want this to escalate into another big fight. “Put your head back and let me help,” he told her.

She shot him a hard look. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not.”

She stared at him for a moment. “If you decided all that while you were over there, then why did you wait so long to contact me? And two measly e-mails, Liam? Really?”

“They’ve been running us ragged over there.” Relief slid through him when her expression softened a tiny bit. “We’ve been out constantly at different bases and command’s getting close to finding the guy behind the base attack.” Safir, the guy’s name was. Liam still wasn’t sure why they’d yanked them out of Bagram and sent them back here at such a critical time. “This training exercise gave me the perfect opportunity to come see you and apologize in person.”

“Even if I forgave you for what you did—and I’m not saying I do—why should I trust you after the way you treated me? What’s to say you wouldn’t do the same damn thing again if I screwed up at some point down the road?”

“I wouldn’t. Not ever again, I swear. God, I’ve missed you so damn much you don’t even…” He sucked in a steadying breath. “I still love you, Honor. I want you back.” When her gaze darted away and he saw the way her shoulders stiffened, he held up his hand again. “Don’t say anything about it right now. Just think about what I said. Don’t kick me out of your life again.” It would break me. He didn’t dare say that aloud. He’d bared himself to an appalling extent already and even though he knew it was necessary, he was squirming inside.

Her only answer was a slight dip of her chin, a tiny nod of consent.

And just like that his ribcage seemed to expand, allowing him his first full breath since he’d arrived here tonight. “So will you let me rub your neck now?”

Eyeing him warily for a long moment, obviously suspicious of his motives, she relented and put her head back. Thankfully she didn’t move away when he slid his hand beneath the nape of her neck. Her skin was hot, the muscles at the back of her neck corded as he began to squeeze and knead them with his fingers.

Despite her initial resistance Honor closed her eyes and groaned in relief. He kept the pressure gentle for the first few minutes, increasing it only when he felt her soften and relax. She smelled good, like raspberries. From the base of her skull to the tops of her shoulders he worked the muscles. An easy silence gradually settled between them. He massaged her neck for the better part of fifteen minutes until she sighed and all but melted back against the cushions.

He gave her nape one last gentle squeeze. “Better?”

“Much,” she answered without opening her eyes. “Thank you.”

“Welcome.” Withdrawing his hand, he sat up but didn’t shift away from her. When she opened her eyes to look at him, hope bubbled up inside him at the fleeting, soft look she gave him. Then her expression turned serious and he knew what was coming.

“So what do you want, exactly?”

“Another shot with you.”

She gave a tiny shake of her head, eyes widening. “Nothing’s changed on my end. My family’s crazy, but they’re still my family. I might not have any contact with them right now, but that could change if I decide to see them at some point down the road. I’m not ruling that out for anyone.”

“I get that, and I respect that.” When she seemed surprised, he continued. “The issue I had before was that you wanted to hide us—me—from them and everyone else.”

“Trust me, the cat’s long since out of the bag on that front,” she said in a dry voice. “They’re well aware of where I stand on the issue of them versus you and anyone else in my personal life. But that doesn’t mean I’m willing to forgive you and jump back into a relationship. You had plenty of opportunity to give me another chance before, and didn’t. So you’ll have to excuse me for not believing this time’s any different.”

“I understand why you’d think that, but I guarantee this time is different.” He wouldn’t make the same mistakes he had in the past. Honor was everything he wanted in a woman and he should have fought harder for her the first time. He’d let pride dictate his actions and they’d both paid the price. Never again.

She regarded him a moment then pushed out a hard breath. “What do you want from me, then?”

“I want you, Honor,” he said simply. “I thought I was over you, tried like hell to believe it. But the truth is I’m never gonna get over you. It just took me a long time to figure it out and admit it to myself. Too long, and for that I’m so sorry.” His heart drummed a hard rhythm against his ribs. He felt more exposed than if he’d been standing stark naked in front of her as he awaited her reply.

She looked away, shaking her head. “Liam…”

“Don’t answer right now,” he rushed out. “Just think about it, okay? All I want is for you to think about giving us another chance.” He paused a moment, gathering his courage. This wasn’t easy but it had to be done. “I know I hurt you when you felt forced to choose between your family and me. And again when I wouldn’t accept your apology and ignored you for so long. My reasons were stupid, I know that now, so there’s no excuse and I won’t even try to defend my actions.”

Surprise flashed across her face, then she nodded once. “Thank you.”

He nodded back. “I know we’ve both made mistakes and done some pretty hurtful things in the past, but if you think about it, it was all external stuff that we allowed to break us up. You and I together was never the problem. We were great together and I don’t want to live without you anymore. I just hope you still care about me enough to let me back in.” Dammit, he wanted to touch her so badly. “I swear I won’t ever hurt you again.” He just needed her to give him time to prove it.

Her gaze shifted to his once more, and he read the indecision there. Indecision wasn’t a flat out no, so he took heart and seized the opening it gave him. “Let me take you on a date on Saturday.”

One strawberry-blond eyebrow shot up. “A date,” she said, sounding skeptical.

He nodded. “Saturday.”

She still looked hesitant. “I don’t know if that’s—”

“No sex,” he added quickly.

She gave him a bland look.

“I’m serious. Just an honest-to-God date. Let me take you out so we can spend some time together. Get reacquainted with each other, remember what it was we liked so much about each other in the first place.” So I can make you fall in love with me again. He was pretty sure he could do it, because he knew she still had strong, deep feelings for him. It would take a lot more than one date, but he was willing to put in whatever effort was required.

She hesitated an agonizing half-minute before answering. “I’ll think about it.”

Again, it wasn’t a no, so he’d take it. “Okay.” Though he’d love to stay, just to be near her, be able to look at her and spend time together, he didn’t want to push his luck. He pushed to his feet instead. “Need anything else before I go?”

“No, I’m good.”

Yeah, she definitely wanted some space. He might not like it, but he understood and respected her need. And he’d do or say whatever the hell it took to get her to let him back in. “Okay. I’ll call you.”

“I’ll call you,” she corrected him and he bit back a smile at the edge in her voice. Damn, she was pretty with her cheeks flushed and her eyes glittering at him like that.

“You’ll call me,” he amended. “Sleep well, sweet pea.”

Her entire face softened at the use of the endearment. He hadn’t meant to say it, it had just slipped out. Her eyes filled with sadness. “You too.”

He let himself out and walked to his truck. Settling behind the wheel, he watched as the downstairs lights turned off one by one, then her bedroom light came on a few seconds later. She’d tuck herself into bed now and read until she got tired enough to sleep.

God, he’d have given anything to be able to slide in next to her. Not for anything sexual, but simply to gather her close and feel her up against him. Listen to the sound of her breathing and inhale her scent.

If she let him do that again someday, he’d be the luckiest sonofabitch to walk the planet.

Liam started the ignition and put the truck into gear, telling himself this was a necessary tactical retreat. He hadn’t won the battle, but he hadn’t lost it either, he could tell by the way she was taking the time to consider his request. That in itself was huge.

This was the most important campaign he’d ever waged in his life and failure wasn’t an option. He would do whatever the hell it took to win her back.

Chapter Seventeen

Honor hadn’t been this nervous about a date since her first one with Liam when he’d surprised her in Kandahar. From the first time they’d met she’d known on a gut-deep level that they’d be amazing together. Today she was going to find out if it was still there.

You know it’s still there, that’s what you’re afraid of.

It was very unlike her but she changed outfits three times, finally deciding on a simple turquoise summer dress with cap sleeves. The hem came to just below her knees, allowing her to wear flats rather than heels, and it made her feel sexy and feminine. She finished doing her hair and put on some lip gloss before going into the kitchen to wait. Liam had insisted on picking her up. He was old fashioned about things like that.

Her stomach was abuzz with nerves when his silver truck pulled into her driveway. She was out the door and halfway to the truck before he even got his door open. Him standing there in his jeans and a black, fitted button-down shirt was a sight to behold. The man was mouthwatering.

He pulled off his shades when he saw her, an appreciative gleam in his eyes and a sexy smile curving his mouth that set her heart pounding. “Hey.”

“Hi.” She strolled up to the passenger side while he strode around to open her door for her. He smelled like sin, clean and spicy. She fought the urge to lean in and press her nose against his neck to breathe him in.

“Thanks for coming today. You look beautiful.”

Her cheeks heated up, arousal flooding her body at his nearness. She mentally scolded her endocrine system. “Thanks. This okay for wherever we’re going?”

“It’s perfect.”

She climbed into the seat. “So, where are we headed?”

“You’ll see,” he said with a mysterious smile and shut her door.

No denying this was a little awkward. Being in the truck with him brought back so many memories, making her feel nostalgic, a little sad and a lot hopeful.

He took the I-5 south and then the turn-off to SeaTac Airport. She looked over at him and arched a brow. “Are we flying somewhere?”

“Maybe.”

Hiding a smile, she settled back against the seat and folded her hands in her lap. “You have to have me home by midnight, you know. I have to report in at oh-seven-hundred tomorrow morning. Some big VIP coming to base for the Fourth celebration. Tightened security means more briefings and more work for me.”

“Yeah, we were briefed about it yesterday. Doesn’t really affect us since we’ll be out on exercise for a couple days anyway. But I’ll do my best to get you back before midnight,” he added, glancing over at her as they waited at a stoplight. “What made you agree to come today? I wasn’t sure you would.”

After he’d left that night she’d crashed and woken up early, then mulled the idea over throughout the rest of the day in between tasks at work. “I thought a lot about what you said,” she admitted with a shrug. “About how we’d both made mistakes and hurt each other in the past, and you were right. We can’t go back and undo all that, so there’s no point in dwelling on it anymore and if we’re ever going to have a chance then we have to let it go and move forward.”

He was quiet a moment before answering. “Wow, that’s… That’s more than I was even hoping for.” He shook his head. “It took me two years and extenuating circumstances to get to that point, and it only took you a couple days.”

“Well, don’t feel bad. It’s a scientific fact that girls mature faster than boys. And then most never catch up to us.” It was true she had lingering doubts that he was at the same point she was emotionally, but she was willing to put them aside long enough to give him the benefit of the doubt and see where things went today.

His deep chuckle set off a tingle low in her belly. “No argument here.” He steered them to a quieter part of the airport and she saw private helicopters parked on the tarmac.

She shot him a glance. “Are we going on a tour?”

“Nope. Well, maybe a little one. Just be patient.”

Hard to be when she was still a little nervous about everything. She’d never done this before, didn’t know how to go about taking another stab at a relationship, let alone the most important one of her life.

All she knew was, she couldn’t simply dive back in and expect things to go back to the way they’d been before. They were different people now in some ways, even though the fundamentals were still the same. She’d fallen hard in love with him for those basic qualities, so why not again?

After parking near a hangar he came around to help her slide out of the truck. Just the feel of the hard muscles in his forearm flexing beneath her palm and the warmth of his hand on her waist as he helped her down made her heart beat erratically. She was careful to drop her hand as soon as possible and take a step back, needing distance. It would be too easy to let the physical part take over her common sense, but she had no illusions that she’d want to stop him if he did try to make a move.

If he noticed her retreat he didn’t comment, just went to the back of the truck and lowered the tailgate. He pulled out his ruck, which was packed to the top with something, and a duffel. She worked with military men day in and day out, but the sight of Liam with his ruck slung over one broad shoulder and the duffel in his other hand made her entire body tingle in awareness of his sheer masculinity. The muscles in his forearms flexed below the rolled-up cuffs of his black shirt with every movement, his thigh muscles flexing beneath his jeans with each step.

It was the rock-solid confidence in the way he held himself though, in the way he moved and spoke, that made her want to tackle him to the ground and rip his clothes off.

“Right this way,” he told her, and led the way to a red and gold chopper parked on a helipad.

“A 407,” she remarked, taking in the sleek lines. “Are you our pilot?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

More flutters. Some were nerves, but the majority were anticipation. She stayed put while he stowed his gear at the back of the bird, then he turned to her and arched a brow. “Help me with the pre-flight inspection?”

She couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across her face. “Sure.”

They worked as a team inspecting the body of the aircraft and its rotors, then got inside the cockpit to check the instrumentation and go through the checklist. Picking up the headset on the passenger seat, she grinned at him. “How’d you manage this, anyway?”

“Friend of mine hooked me up.”

“Uh-huh. And does that friend happen to be a former Army pilot named Devon?”

The corner of his mouth tipped up as he slid on his own headset. “Maybe.”

She couldn’t even be mad at Devon. Her friend’s heart was in the right place.

Settling back against the plush leather seats, she watched as Liam went through the pre-flight list using the manual inside the cockpit. When he was done he glanced over at her, his eyes concealed by his dark shades but she knew they’d be gleaming with excitement. Hers must be too. “Ready?” he asked.

“Ready.”

He started the engine. Not nearly as loud as the helos she worked with, but the pulse of the rotors throbbed in time with her rapid heartbeat, muffled by the noise-canceling headset. Liam radioed the tower, got clearance and glanced over at her once more. “Here we go.”

He nosed them forward, gaining speed before pulling collective and raising them into the air. The familiar rush of adrenaline flowed through her as it always did when she flew, magnified because it was Liam at the controls.

She’d never flown with him except the day of the base attack, and then she hadn’t been able to see him much. Now she watched him at the controls, smoothly and expertly guiding them away from the airport and out toward Puget Sound. He was in his element here, totally confident of his skill, and with his training and experience he had every right to be.

Sexiest thing she’d ever seen in her life.

She waited until there was a lull between him and the control tower before speaking into her mic. “This is so much better than the last time I flew with you.”

At that he gave her a sexy grin. “I like the view up front much better this time too.” His tone made it clear that he didn’t mean the spectacular view of the green land and sparkling blue water below them.

Gorgeous as it was out there today, she’d much rather look at him as well. “Yeah, me too. I always wanted to fly with you. So where are you taking me?”

“Little spot I picked out a long time ago. I’d wanted to do this back when we were together and never got around to it. Another mistake I’m not making again—being lazy with you.”

Aww! Man, how was she supposed to keep her emotional distance from him when he said incredibly sweet, insightful things like that? “Liam, you were never lazy. You were busy and I understood. We spent time together when we could and made the best of it. I never felt neglected, I promise.”

“Yeah, and that’s another thing I took for granted and shouldn’t have. I was so damn lucky to have you, someone who understood and put up with my crazy schedule. Most guys in my regiment aren’t that lucky. I should have appreciated you more.”

Her protective walls had already fractured; now they were crumbling. He was literally dismantling them brick by brick with the things he was saying, because he truly meant them. It was clear he’d thought about their situation a lot and he was ready to act. She’d been hoping for that for so long, since she’d first reached out to him after the breakup. She could hardly believe he was ready and wanted back in her life again.

The tower contacted him again with an update on traffic in their area, effectively ending their conversation. Honor didn’t mind. Now that the most important things had been said aloud, she could just relax and enjoy the afternoon.

A little over thirty minutes later Liam landed on a helipad at what looked like a secluded resort set right on the water. The pad was set off behind a grand, log-style hotel that overlooked the water. He powered down the engine, waiting the two minutes until the fuel was flushed from the lines, and turned off the rotors.

She pulled off her headset when he did, and smiled at him. “It’s beautiful here.”

“Wait ‘til you see the view from the beach,” he said, and hopped out. He rushed around to help her out of the cockpit, his hands lingering at her waist for a moment as he stared down at her. Honor’s pulse sped up as sparks danced up her spine and spread out all over her body, tightening her nipples and sending a rush of warmth between her thighs. “I’ll get the bags,” he murmured, lowering his hands and stepping back.

Dragging in a lungful of air, Honor followed him. He took his ruck and the duffel out of the back then led the way to the edge of the manicured lawn where it gave way to rocks and boulders on the way down to the beach. “There’s a path just over here,” he said, heading to the left. “You should be okay in those shoes but if you’re not, I can carry you.”

Oh my God, she’d never survive it. She’d be all over him by the time they reached the beach. “I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

The narrow pathway wound down a fairly steep incline lined with Western Red Cedars and Douglas Firs. Two-thirds of the way down the rocks gave way to pebbles and sand, a band of dried seaweed and sun-bleached driftwood marking the high tide mark. The briny scent of the water was stronger now and gulls cried as they circled overhead, a bald eagle trilling from somewhere nearby.

At the bottom of the trail he turned right and headed up the beach, picking his path with care and glancing back every so often to make sure she wasn’t having trouble walking on the uneven surface. They walked around a point and came to a finger of land that stretched out into the water. Gentle waves lapped against the leeward side, adding a rhythmic pulse to the soothing atmosphere.

“This okay?” he asked, glancing at her over his shoulder.

“It’s gorgeous,” she answered, coming up alongside him. She stood back while he opened up his duffel and took out a heavy camo-pattern blanket.

He spread it out over a smooth spot on the ground. “Go ahead and sit down while I unpack the rest.”

She did, curling her legs beneath her and settling the folds of her dress. Liam took some containers and what looked like bakery or deli boxes out of his ruck. “A picnic?” she asked, grinning like an idiot. The whole date was ridiculously romantic and she was loving every second of it.

“Yeah. Thought we could sit here and eat while we talked for a bit.”

It was the perfect place for it on this deserted stretch of beach. She wasn’t nervous anymore, but looking forward to spending quality alone time with him here.

He sat down finally and handed her a paper plate with utensils. “There’s a spinach and strawberry salad, some cold cuts and cheese with fresh buns, chocolate dipped fruit for dessert, and this for you.” He pulled out a bottle of her favorite white wine and a crystal glass he’d wrapped up in one of his old T-shirts. “You still like this one?”

His thoughtfulness touched her so much. “I love it, thank you.” She accepted the glass, waited while he poured it for her. When he took out a bottle of water for himself, she raised her glass in a toast. “To new beginnings.”

His answering smile was like an arrow dead center to her heart. “I’ll definitely drink to that. Cheers.”

The afternoon passed quickly while they ate and talked about all kinds of things from work to current events, both being careful to stay away from the topic of them. Without giving away too much information about them, she described the situation with Ipman and Andrews, though Andrews had been almost pleasant to work with the past couple weeks.

After half a bottle of wine she began to feel pleasantly drowsy. Out over Puget Sound the sun was slowly sinking toward the sea, still casting warmth but the breeze coming off the water was chilly and her sweater wasn’t enough to keep her warm.

Liam must have noticed she was getting cold because he sat up and dug in his duffel for a second, coming up with a hoodie. “Here.”

“Thanks,” she murmured, draping it around her shoulders. It smelled like him and she couldn’t help burying her nose in the fabric and inhaling a deep breath. “It’s so peaceful here.” She felt so comfortable here with him. No pressure to do anything but enjoy his company. The past few hours had without a doubt reinforced why she’d fallen in love with him in the first place. “I feel like I could curl up and nap like a cat in a puddle of sunshine.”

“Then you should.” There was no disappointment in his voice that she wanted to sleep, no judgment.

She eyed him, taking in the way the muscles in his upper arms and chest stood out with him leaning his weight back on his hands. He looked sexy and strong and even a little dangerous sitting there not four feet away. Too far away, she thought, sliding closer. Liam watched her, unmoving as she came closer, his eyes still hidden by his shades but she could feel his gaze riveted to her.

She paused a foot from him, suddenly wanting to erase the distance between them. Maybe she wasn’t ready to jump back into a serious relationship with him, but she needed to touch him and feel his arms around her, even for just a little while. “Only if I can use you as a pillow. And a blanket,” she added, tugging his hoodie tighter around her. She’d missed him so damn much.

He sat up immediately, his posture alert. “I’d love to be your pillow, but especially your blanket,” he murmured, lifting one heavy arm in invitation.

There was no way she would refuse it.

Liam bit back a groan when Honor snuggled up beside him and curled against his side with her head resting on his chest. He lay back against the blanket and closed his eyes, the relief rushing through him so intense it made his throat tighten in gratitude.

Burying his nose in her hair, he inhaled her clean, fruity scent. She sighed and cuddled closer, her hand resting over his heart, which was beating hard against his ribs. He wrapped both arms around her and gathered her close, savoring the feel of her, the warmth of her body along his mixing with the heat of the setting sun and the gentle splash of the waves against the rocky shore.

So far everything had gone better than he’d ever hoped. She’d blown him away with her willingness to forgive him and move on, and now that she’d reached out to him like this all he could think about was having her back in his life on a permanent basis again. He’d meant every word he’d said to her today. If she took him back he’d bust his ass making sure she never felt neglected or taken for granted by him.

Her breathing slowed and deepened, her body growing lax as she fell asleep in his arms. It was the most humbling gift she could have given him, her trust after all he’d put her through.

She jerked awake when his cell phone started buzzing about ten minutes later. The ring tone told him it was someone from work calling. Cursing under his breath, he rolled slightly, still keeping one arm around her as he grabbed the phone and answered. Honor sat up but he still didn’t let her go, listening to his commander’s voice telling him to come in to base for a briefing.

Ending the call, Liam put the phone down and sighed. “Gotta head in to base,” he said apologetically.

Honor was frowning in concern. “Everything okay?”

He nodded. “Not sure what it’s about, but it’s probably to do with the training tomorrow.” Either that or the security situation tomorrow just got real. His gut said the latter. He wouldn’t say anything to her unless he had hard evidence though.

Honor got to her knees and reached for a container of fruit. “I’ll help you clean up.”

Much as he didn’t want his time alone with her to end, he didn’t have a choice. They packed everything up and he got the 407 ready for the flight back. He touched down and shut off the engine just as the sun sank behind the western trees lining the small terminal, casting a deep golden light over everything. It gilded Honor’s hair and face, made her eyes glow as she smiled up at him. She was so beautiful she took his breath away.

“That was the best date I’ve ever been on,” she told him over the sound of the slowing engine.

“Yeah, I had a good time too.” By far the best part had been holding her on the beach. He wished they were still there right now.

Before he could say anything else or decide whether to reach for her or not, Honor popped her door open and slid out. The drive back to her place was quiet, but not tense. It felt right being with her like this, comfortable and familiar. They fit, just like he’d always known they would. And if he was reading things right, she was leaning towards moving forward with him.

Don’t push, he reminded himself as he turned into her townhouse complex. Last thing he wanted was to spook her now when he was so close to gaining her trust.

In her driveway he turned off the truck, intending to help her out and walk her to her door. He was cutting it close time-wise right now for the briefing so he couldn’t stay anyway. But when he started to unbuckle his seatbelt, she stopped him by placing her hand over his. Glancing up, the tension slid out of him when he saw a soft smile on her face.

“It’s okay, I don’t need you to walk me in.” She slid her hand back and he had to stop himself from grabbing it. Her smile widened. “I had a really good time today. If you were to ask me out on a second date, chances are good I’d say yes.”

He returned the smile. “As soon as I’m back, it’s on.”

Her eyes flared with longing at his words and an answering bolt of heat lanced through him. Oh yeah, things were definitely looking up for him. “Can’t wait.” Leaning toward him, she placed her hand on the side of his face.

Liam froze and forced himself to stay still as she leaned in and put her mouth on his. The moment their lips touched he slid a hand into her hair, his fingers flexing restlessly, his body coming alive under that simple kiss. Her lips were full and soft and oh so sensual against his. He kissed her slowly, softly, letting her lead this time. She pulled back way too soon, leaving him achy and edgy. “See you soon,” she whispered.

Not trusting his voice, Liam only nodded. She slipped out of the truck and he watched her walk to the door where she paused to give him a sultry, mysterious smile before waving and disappearing inside.