Текст книги "Frigid"

Автор книги: Jennifer L. Armentrout

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Текущая страница: 8 (всего у книги 16 страниц)

Chapter 13

Sydney

Lady balls were so freaking overrated.

So was snow.

I used to love the snow, but right now I hated it, because it had me trapped right here. And this was officially the last place on this planet I wanted to be.

The temps had dropped even more once evening crept in on us. I paced the length of the living room, arms folded across my chest in spite of the heat from the fire. Three more days with Kyler. I couldn’t make it.

I heard his footsteps coming up the stairwell from the basement, and I froze in front of the fireplace. My heart thumped as loudly as the wind outside. He appeared, carrying a bundle of blue tarp. Our eyes met for the briefest second, and then he headed for the door at the opposite end of the room, toward the sunroom.

“Can I help?” I asked, wincing as my voice cracked in the middle.

Surprise flickered across his stony face, and I wasn’t sure why. Sure, I was embarrassed and pissed, and “confused” should be my middle name at this point, but what had Kyler really done? I’d thrown myself at him—more than once. Asked him to fuck me like a cheap date, and he was a guy—a guy who was probably used to having sex just about every other day. Of course he was going to act on it in the heat of the moment. He hadn’t done anything wrong. If anything, he was the only one in this situation trying to do the right thing. Apparently he valued our friendship more than I did.

It was all on me.

Kyler looked away, shaking his head. “I got this. Just stay in here and keep warm.”

I watched him close the door behind him, my chest squeezing. As soon as I heard it latch, I smacked myself on the forehead. “God. I suck.”

Turning from the door, I tugged my hands through my hair and winced at the slickness. There was a good chance that his head had cleared once he’d realized I hadn’t showered this morning. The whole conserving hot water thing sucked. He’d taken a cold one this morning, and I figured I could probably take a quick one that would get the grime off.

And it would also serve as the perfect distraction.

Hurrying upstairs, I ignored the chill in the air and stripped off my clothes in the bedroom. Before I went into the bathroom, I laid out a pair of sweats and the cream-colored sweater I’d fallen in love with. I’d wanted to wear it out here, with tight jeans and boots. In the store, I had hoped that when I wore it, it would somehow trigger something in Kyler that flipped the friendship switch to “let’s get it on.”

What had my mom always said? If wishes were fishes…

Sighing, I went into the bathroom, ignoring the way my entire throat burned. I wanted to rewind the last couple of days, start all over. I couldn’t change the way I felt about Kyler. That was a lost cause, but I could’ve stayed away from the liquor at the lodge, and I could’ve kept my mouth shut afterward.

Too bad there wasn’t a rewind button on life. I’d be pressing the hell out of that.

Adjusting the water so that it was lukewarm, I stepped into the shower, wincing at the coolness under my feet. I figured keeping the water temp down would help. Without wasting time, I grabbed my shampoo and lathered up. The little cuts on my chest and stomach stung, serving as a reminder of what had happened.

Did someone really shoot out the window? Had someone been aiming for us? I shuddered as I grabbed the conditioner. I slathered it through my hair and immediately started washing it out as I grabbed the body wash and loofah. Suds were everywhere, sliding down my stomach and thighs, pooling in the basin of the tub.

I wanted to go home.

Tears filled my eyes and I squeezed them shut. I wanted to go home so bad and forget these days, but I knew how pointless that was. I would never forget those moments with Kyler.

Fuck you like a one-night stand.

That’s not what I wanted, but I would’ve accepted that. I wasn’t sure what that said about me—that I could love someone so much I’d accept whatever scrap they tossed my way. It wasn’t right. It was the epitome of weak. I knew that, but it didn’t change the fact that, if Kyler climbed into the shower right now, I’d let him do whatever he wanted. My chest hurt in a way I was slowly growing accustomed to.

Icy water sprayed me suddenly, forcing out a surprised shriek as I jumped a good foot in the air. I scrambled to the back of the tub, my feet slipping out from underneath me.

Oh no…

I lost my balance. Arms flailing, I grabbed the first thing my fingers came into contact with. The shower curtain caught my weight and for a second relief washed over me, then the tiny hooks snapped. The curtain tore and my legs went out from underneath me. I hit the slippery, soapy tub on my ass. Brittle pain spread across my tailbone as I sucked in a breath. The curtain fluttered around me, creating a weak shield against the frigid water.

The small vent in the bathroom wall stopped rattling and whatever little heat had been coming out, keeping the pipes unfrozen, disappeared.

The bathroom door swung open, slamming into the wall, and I had a wicked sense of déjà vu as Kyler burst into the room. “Sydney, what…?”

I smacked at the faucets, turning them off as I tried to keep the plastic curtain around me. Of course, it was practically see-through, because why would I expect anything else? I was going strong on humiliation.

The water trickled to a stop as I lifted my head, peering through wet, cold hair at Kyler. He was crouched by the tub, his eyes wide. “Are you okay?”

I clenched the curtain to my chest. “I think…I broke my butt.”

His lips mashed together as he looked to the side, grabbing a towel from the stack across from the toilet. “Here,” he said. “Let me help you.”

Little bumps spreads across my skin as I knocked his arm away. “I’m okay.”

“What happened?”

I shot him a withering look. “I fell.”

“I got that part.” He held up the big, dry towel.

“The water went ice cold, and I wasn’t even in the shower that long. Not even a minute,” I grumbled, trying to figure out how to get the towel without exposing everything.

Brows knitted, he reached over to the vent and put his hand in front of it. I took that moment to snatch the towel and scoot out from under the curtain. Wrapping it around my chest, I stood on shaky legs. My backside really did hurt.

“Shit,” Kyler said, standing. “I think the damn backup generator is out. Fucking great.”

I didn’t need to ask what that meant. Pipes would freeze. Food might spoil, but with the freezing temps creeping inside that part was doubtful. At least the stuff in the fridge might stay good. The only heat would come from the fireplace.

Kyler grabbed my arm and helped me out, like he expected me to fall again and break my neck. At that point, anything was possible. What little heat that had been running upstairs had completely vanished that quickly. Goosebumps spread over me as we entered the bedroom.

He ran his hand through his hair. “I’ve got to go outside and check it out. Stay in here, okay?”

“Wait.” I started to follow him around the bed. “Is that smart? What if someone really did shoot out that window, Kyler? I don’t want you going outside.”

“I’ll be okay.” He headed for the door.

“Kyler—”

“Someone has to check it out, Syd. I’ll be okay. Just wait for me downstairs where it’s…sort of warm.” He paused, and his expression lost most of the hard edge. “Seriously. I’ll be fine.”

I didn’t like this at all, but he was out the door. If someone was going all hillbilly psycho outside, I didn’t want him out there.

Aaand I was freezing my unmentionables off.

Quickly changing into the sweats and the sweater, I hurried downstairs and pulled on my snow boots. If Kyler was out there with potential bad stuff going down, I could be out there too, at least keeping an eye out for him while he put some gas in the generator.

I grabbed my jacket off the back of the kitchen chair. Zipping it up, I opened the front door and took a face full of blowing snow. “Holy snow balls in hell!”

Kyler’s footsteps had barely made a dent in the drift of snow covering the steps leading off the porch. Unwilling to fall again, I held onto the banister as I carefully shuffled through the packed snow. Not once did my boots sink through and hit the wooden steps. Jesus. This was some heavy snow.

In the fading light and through the whirling snow, I could see the downed pine tree to my left and the snapped electric lines whipping in the wind. There was a slight path in the snow, where it had to have been disrupted by Kyler.

I followed it around the house, wading more than walking. My hands were shoved deep in my pockets, but I already felt the cold biting into them. I couldn’t feel my nose or my cheeks as I rounded the side of the house.

He was crouched beside a pile of snow, a shovel clenched tightly in his hands as he stared at the backup generator.

“Kyler?” The wind carried my voice to him.

His head snapped in my direction and he rose quickly. “Syd? What in the hell are you doing out here? I told you—”

“I know.” I waddled closer to him, teeth chattering. “But you shouldn’t be out here by yourself.” I pulled out my hand, tugging my wet and now icy hair back from my face. “I can keep watch.”

“Jesus, you’re going to catch pneumonia!” Red splotches colored his cheeks.

“That’s n-not true. You can’t get a cold from a w-wet head.” Sniffling, I turned my attention to the generator, my eyes narrowing against the stinging wind. “Is it o-out of gas?”

He stared at me a moment, expression stormy as he turned back to the generator. “No. There’s gas in it, but someone cut the fucking lines going into the house.”

My mind rebelled against what he had said, but I saw a long disruption in the snow, leading away from the generator to the surrounding woods—a trail that looked to have been made by skis. “No. No w-way.”

Kyler moved through the drifting snow with more ease than me and reached behind the generator, pulling out sliced wires. “Completely cut.”

I stared at those wires, heart sinking. Fear slushed its way through my system. “This isn’t g-good.”

“No.” He dropped the wires and turned to me. “We need to get back inside. Now.”

I wasn’t going to argue with that or when he dropped his arm around my bent shoulders, tucking me close as he herded me back inside. I had no idea how he wasn’t cold or how his fingers weren’t numb. Maybe it had to do with the time spent skiing and snowboarding.

Maybe I was just a wussy when it came to the cold.

Kyler quickly unzipped my jacket and slid it off my shoulders. “You really shouldn’t have come outside, Syd. I told you I’d be okay.”

“But someone cut the wires. They could’ve still been outside.” Shivering, I let him pull me into the living room. “You could’ve been attacked or…or been covered in snow.”

He tugged me down to the thick carpet in front of the fireplace. I cringed back from the warmth; it was almost too much against my ice-cube skin. “I can handle myself,” he said, crouching down beside me. “It’s you out there that worries me.”

“It shouldn’t.” I fixed my gaze on the bright orange and red flames.

“Why wouldn’t it?” He ran a hand through my wet hair, brushing off the snowflakes. My eyes closed when he made another sweep and I wanted to push into the touch, like a cat seeking more petting. “When I heard you say my name outside, my freaking heart practically stopped.”

“Dramatic,” I murmured. His hands lingered in my hair, and in those moments I forgot about the mess that had become us.

“It’s true. The idea of you being out there with some fucking asshole running around scares the shit out of me.”

“Do you think we’re safe here?”

He didn’t answer immediately. “It’s going to get cold. We’re going to have sleep down here, but there’s enough wood in the back of the garage to last us. I know that’s not what you meant, but I don’t think anyone can get it in, and besides, if they do, they aren’t getting out.” I opened my eyes. Kyler nodded toward the wall near the fireplace. Several rifles were on display. “They actually work?”

He nodded as he rose and unhooked one of the rifles. He propped it against the wall. “It’s also loaded. No safety. So don’t play with it.”

“Wasn’t planning on it,” I said, my gaze moving to where the curtains parted above the window. Night would be here soon, a very cold night, but he was right. That wasn’t my big concern.

“I’m not going to let anything happen to you,” he said, his fingers moving over my cheek. “I promise that.”

My chest swelled. “I know, it’s just the idea of someone doing these things on purpose is really…”

“Scary?” he said, dropping his hand. “I know how to use a rifle. Like I said, if someone walks in here, they won’t be walking back out.”

I shuddered at that, but I was also relieved to know we weren’t completely unprotected.

“It’s probably just some jerk messing with us. Nothing to really worry about,” he stood again, running his palm along his jaw. “I should probably try to get this room sealed off before we lose what little light we have.”

Pushing to my feet, I ignored his frown. “I’m going to help.”

“Syd—”

“Don’t argue with me. I can help. What do we need to do? Gather some blankets? Make a bed fort?”

He cracked a grin. “Come on then.”

We used a sheet from upstairs to tack against the door leading to the sunroom, since some cold air was getting around the blue tarp. Then we gathered up all the blankets and, along with a set of sleeping bags and a king-sized mattress dragged down from upstairs, we created one hell of a bed near the fireplace.

A makeshift bed that we’d have to share—a makeshift bed with a shotgun tucked nearby.

Yikes.

As we put everything together, the tension between us would evaporate, and then return with a vengeance every time our hands or bodies brushed. When I looked at him, I would find him watching me, but he always looked away quickly. I didn’t know what to make of that. We joked and made idle conversation to fill the silence. He avoided talking about anything that could be led back to what had happened between us or what could be happening outside. By the time we had dinner (cold cuts again), I was wired tight and tense.

I hit the liquor cabinet like someone coming out of forced rehab. Pulling out the bottle of Jack, I poured myself a shot and downed it. The liquid burned like a hot coal, causing me to cough.

“Are you drinking again?” Kyler asked, setting his guitar case down in the living room.

I sat the shot glass down and refilled it. “Yeah.”

He reached around me, taking the bottle from me before I could pour another. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

I scowled at him. “I think it’s a perfect idea.”

“How about we stay away from the hard liquor tonight?” He bent and pulled two beers out of the tiny bar fridge. He popped them open. “And drink this?”

“I hate the taste of beer,” I said, taking it.

He smiled as he went back to the guitar case and put the bottle down on the end table. “And I hate seeing you drunk.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. “Why?”

His shoulders rolled in a lazy shrug. “It’s just not you, and don’t take offense to that. I like that you’re not like that. You’re not a party girl, and that’s okay.”

My mouth opened, but nothing came out. He liked that I wasn’t a party girl? But every girl he dated—and the word “dated” was used loosely—was a total party girl. My brain started to obsessively break down his words. What could he mean by that? It didn’t make sense.

I was already annoyed with myself within a minute of him saying that.

Holding the bottle to my chest, I watched him pull out the guitar. Several candles had been lit throughout the room, casting soft shadows as soon as night had fallen. Pushing the air-dried hair back from my face, I averted my gaze when his eyes found mine, his fingers messing with the tuning pegs. I went over to our bed and sat, wishing I’d had the forethought to bring along some good old-fashioned paperbacks.

But a few moments later Kyler started to play the guitar, and I wasn’t thinking about books anymore. Twisting toward him, I was lulled into fixated silence. This wasn’t a song I recognized, possibly something unique and original.

His long fingers slipped over the chords with a skilled ease I was envious of. The way he played was captivating, the lifting tune enthralling. As he played, a lock of brown hair fell over his forehead and those thick, impossibly long lashes fanned the tips of his cheekbones.

When he stopped, he lifted his chin and his eyes met mine. My throat felt too thick to speak, but I couldn’t look away. So much stretched out before us in the silence—words better left unsaid and truths that should’ve never been spoken.

Kyler put the guitar aside and reached over, picking up the bottle he had placed beside him. Only then did he look away, as he took a drink. Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly. I wasn’t sleepy. Actually, the exact opposite, but I wished I were. I sipped the beer, hoping it would knock me out. And that was the strangest damn thing. As much as I wanted to just go to sleep to avoid saying or doing something stupid, I didn’t want to miss any time with him.

And then he spoke. “I shouldn’t have given in.”

Kyler

The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. I didn’t regret it, though, because it needed to be said. I shouldn’t have done what I did in the sunroom, treating her no better than some random chick getting a quickie against the wall.

Syd was better than that and she deserved more. And even though quick hookups were all I’d ever been capable of, I would’ve given her more if she had wanted that.

I would’ve given her everything if she had asked.

It would probably never be enough, and I knew I couldn’t undo everything I had done in my past. I couldn’t go back and change the fact that I’d been with all those girls, that Syd had seen me take home one girl after another, but damn, if she had asked, I would’ve told her that my feelings for her ran deep.

But I couldn’t change any of that and now Syd looked at me in the same way every single one of those girls in my classes and the ones I met at the bars did. She expected what they expected—a night of sex and nothing else. And I felt like a total shitbag for that.

Syd coughed on her beer and blinked rapidly. “Excuse me?”

I ran a hand through my hair. “Earlier in the sunroom—I shouldn’t have given in to what you were asking for.”

Her hands balled into tiny fists, and I had enough experience to be thankful she wasn’t still holding onto the beer bottle, because there was a good chance she would’ve thrown it at my head. “I was trying to avoid talking about this, since you made yourself painfully clear earlier.”

“We need to talk about this,” I said. “We need to clear the air between us. You—”

“I don’t want to, Kyler.” She stood swiftly. “I don’t see the point. I think I’ve embarrassed myself enough over the last couple of days to last a lifetime.”

I shook my head. “I’m not trying to embarrass you. That’s the last thing I want.”

“Then we don’t need to talk about it. You don’t want me. I get it.” She stared at me a moment, her lower lip trembling in a way that was a sucker punch straight to my chest, and then she turned to the curtained window. “There’s nothing else to say.”

“There’s a hell of a lot to say, Syd.” My voice hardened, and I swore to God, if she got closer to that window after what’d happened earlier, I was going to tackle her. “Why didn’t you say something before? Or did you just wake up a few days ago and decide you wanted that from me?”

She let out a strangled laugh. “Yeah, that’s how it works. I just woke up one morning and was like, ‘gee, I want to screw Kyler.’ Seriously, you have no clue.”

“Then tell me.” I sprang to my feet and crossed the room. She backed away, putting the recliner between us. “I need to know why you wanted me to do that. Why you thought that would be okay.”

She gripped the back of the recliner. Her throat worked. “You make it sound like it would be such a chore for you.”

My eyes narrowed. What in the hell? “That’s not what I said, or am saying.”

“Okay. You want to talk about this. Why are you so against it?” The words seemed to burst from her like a dam overflowing. “I’ve been your best friend since I can remember. I watched you start paying attention to girls and I watched you start dating them and I don’t think you’ve ever turned down an offer from any girl before.”

I jerked back. “I’m not a fucking prostitute, Syd.”

Her eyes widened. “But you will fuck anything that walks and smiles at you, but not me!”

“Yes! That’s what I’m saying.” I took a step forward. Her eyes were as dark as tumultuous waves in the soft glow of the candlelight. “I don’t want to fuck you, Syd. That’s not what you and I are about.”

She took a shaky breath. “You wanted me. I could feel that you did.”

I looked away, grinding my teeth together so hard I was surprised my molars didn’t break. “You don’t get it.”

Wrapping her arms around herself, she backed away from the recliner and started toward the door leading to the rest of the house. Oh hell to the no, where did she think she was going? We were so not done with this conversation.

“I do get it,” she continued, her eyes taking on a sheen that made my entire body lock up. “I’m not good enough—or whatever enough—for you. It doesn’t matter that I’ve been in love with you—” Blood drained from her face. “Oh, my God…”

The fucking world stopped. People say that shit happens when you hear something completely unexpected and shocking, and I thought it was just people being melodramatic, but hell if it wasn’t true. The fucking world really did stop for me right then.

Syd was in love with me? She’d been in love with me?

“Oh my God,” she whispered again.

I was in front of her so fast I didn’t remember moving. Clasping her cheeks, I tipped her head back so she had to look me in the eyes. “What did you just say?”

She looked like she was about to be sick. “Nothing—I said nothing.”

“Bullshit.” My eyes were wide. “You’re in love with me?”

“Of course I am.” She laughed, but it sounded like it was forced. “We’ve been best friends since forever and I would be in—”

“That’s not what you meant.” My voice dropped low and my heart thundered in my chest. That couldn’t be what she meant. “Come on, Syd. That’s not it.”

She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. You don’t—”

“You. Don’t. Get. It.” I wanted to shake her. She wasn’t good enough? Was she insane? I was beginning to think so, because it was the other way around. “You’re better than a one-night stand, Sydney. I can’t do that to you. You’re nothing like those other girls. You deserve more than that.”

Her eyes flared wide again. As close as I was, I saw the tiny tears well up and spill down her cheek. Getting punched in the nuts would’ve felt better than seeing her cry and knowing I was the reason.

And it struck me then that this wasn’t the first time I’d made her cry. There were other times. Little dots on the map of us that didn’t seem like big deals then, but looking back now, they’d meant everything to her. Each memory felt like getting cut with a rusty butter knife.

I was a bigger asshole than I could’ve ever imagined.

In the ninth grade, when I’d ditched movie night with Syd for the junior varsity cheerleader who’d had an extremely talented mouth. Syd’s eyes had been red and swollen the next day in class and she’d told me it was allergies, except…Syd didn’t have allergies. Then during the summer of our sophomore year, I’d constantly broken plans with her to spend time with girls. Our senior year, I promised her a dance at the prom, but I’d left early. Had a hotel room with a girl whose last name I couldn’t even remember. She would always smile and say it was okay, but later…later she’d have something in her eyes—or have just read a sad book, or watched a depressing movie. The same thing in college, even when she was with someone. Even recently—I remembered the look on her face when she’d seen Mindy coming out of the bathroom the morning we’d left for Snowshoe. I’d been wrong and I’d been right. It wasn’t disgust, but it had been crushing disappointment. All those times I’d broken her heart, and she was still here.

She was still here.

A sound came from the back of my throat. “Don’t cry, baby. That’s not what I wanted.” I leaned in, catching the tear with my lips. “You have no idea how much you mean to me.”

Another tear snuck out and I caught that one with my thumb. “I didn’t sleep with her,” I blurted out like a total fucking idiot.

Syd blinked. “What?”

My cheeks heated. “I didn’t sleep with Mindy—the chick who was at my apartment. I didn’t sleep with her, Syd. I know that doesn’t change much of anything, but I didn’t.”

That only made her cry harder, and I didn’t really know what to do. I’d fucked up more than I’d realized and bigger than I’d feared. She tried to turn her head, but I held her face in a gentle yet firm grip. An ache formed in my chest.

The same ache I’d felt when she’d started dating Nate in high school.

So I did the only thing I could think of—the only thing I wanted.

I kissed her.