Текст книги "Frigid"

Автор книги: Jennifer L. Armentrout

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Текущая страница: 5 (всего у книги 16 страниц)

“Here?”

“Here,” he repeated, nodding. “The storm is moving really slow. They’re saying that it will dump most of the snow tomorrow and through Wednesday.”

“Holy crap.” My stomach tumbled over. “How much snow are they calling for?”

“Somewhere between a lot and holy fuck.”

I flopped onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. “We could be stuck here all week in the middle of a blizzard?”

“Could be. I think we’d be out sooner than that, but depends on how fast they work everything.” He nudged my leg. “I cranked up the heat, so it should get warmer in here. Hopefully when the brunt of the storm gets here, we won’t lose power.”

My eyes widened.

“We got a backup generator that will run the essentials if we do, but let’s not think about that right now.”

“Sure.”

Being stuck here alone with Kyler hadn’t really set in. Normally that wouldn’t be such a big deal, and truthfully I usually would’ve looked forward to something like that, but there was this nagging dread in the pit of my stomach.

I frowned, trying to pull together the memories into something that made sense. I remembered the tequila shots and Mr. Ski Instructor. “Did you get into a fight last night with the guy I was dancing with?”

Kyler’s lips thinned. “You mean the creep you were dancing with? We didn’t get into a fight per se, but we didn’t part on friendly terms.”

Wiggling an arm free, I rubbed my brow. My skin felt gross. That couldn’t be why I felt so uncomfortable. There was more. There had to be. I remember going outside and Kyler making me wear his hoodie. Speaking of which… “Please tell me that I undressed myself last night.”

A half-smile formed. “Is that what you want to hear?”

I smacked my hand over my face. “Oh, my Gods…”

He chuckled softly. “You helped undress yourself and I didn’t peek. And I already saw your unmentionables earlier, so…”

I groaned. “Thanks for reminding me.”

“You’re welcome.” He paused and then he took a heavy breath. My muscles tightened in warning. “How are you feeling?”

That innocent question didn’t match his tone. There was something about last night. Last night. What the hell happened…and then it all came back in a horrifying rush. I’d practically molested him in a drunken stupor.

My body jackknifed into a sitting position, and I almost knocked Kyler off the bed, but that was least of my worries. The movement rattled my poor brain and horror swamped me. “Oh, my God. Oh, my God, I…tried…you…” I was so embarrassed I couldn’t even speak the words.

Kyler sat back, a muscle flexing in his jaw. “I was sort of hoping you wouldn’t remember.”

He was hoping I didn’t remember? I smacked both hands over my face and moaned. Had I been that bad? Had it been that bad for him?

“Hey.” His voice had softened and his fingers wrapped around my wrists, gently pulling my hands away. “Its okay, Syd.”

“No it’s not,” I moaned, ducking my chin. “I molested you.”

Kyler laughed. “You didn’t molest me. Okay. Maybe just a little, but you wouldn’t be the first girl to get all—”

“It’s not funny!” I cried.

Two fingers landed under my chin and he tipped my head up. “It’s no big deal, Syd. People do a lot of things they normally wouldn’t when they are sober, and you were really drunk.”

The problem was that I had wanted to do that while I was sober and apparently it was just a big joke to him. I cast my eyes to the blanket. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize, baby. It’s not like it was a horrific experience,” he added dryly.

My gaze swung to his and that’s when I remembered the better moment of last night—him telling me I was beautiful, that he always thought I was beautiful. Some of the unease slid away. “It wasn’t?”

His lips quirked in that adorable way of his. “I’m never going to complain about a girl crawling all over me.”

Okay. That wasn’t a declaration of mutual lust, but it was something I could work with. “Then why…then why did you stop me?”

He blinked once and then twice, as if he couldn’t believe I was asking the question. “I’d been drinking last night, Syd, but I wasn’t that drunk.”

A slice of pain hit my stomach and I froze, staring at him. “You…you weren’t that drunk?”

“No.” He looked confused.

I swallowed, but the lump rising in my throat got stuck. In all the years I’d known Kyler and he’d been sexually active, I’d seen him take girls home when he was sober, tipsy, drunk-off-his-ass, and everything in-between. He was equal-opportunity when it came to having sex. Short. Tall. Skinny. Round. White. Black. Tan. Pale. Oompa Loompa color.

“That hasn’t stopped you before.” And I couldn’t stop myself from talking.

Kyler thrust his fingers through his hair, and then clasped the back of his neck. The shorter strands flopped back onto his forehead. He didn’t answer at first and the longer the silence dragged out the more I wished I’d kept my mouth shut. “You’re different, Syd.”

So I was different and apparently he had to be really drunk to get with me. Tears rushed my eyes, and I had to get away from him. We were too close. I needed space before I completely lost it and humiliated myself more. I started scooting across the bed, grabbing the quilt to cover myself. I needed to get away.

“Hey.” Kyler jumped to his feet. “Sydney, what are you doing?”

“I need to go to the bathroom.” I slid my legs out from the covers. The breath I took was shaky and short as I wrapped the patchwork quilt around me. My feet hit the cold floor and I took a wobbly step, smacking my toe into the edge of the suitcase. I hissed and a tear sneaked out, rolling down my cheek.

He started around the bed. “Let me help.”

“I’m fine.” That damn lump was at the top of my throat. I reached the bathroom door. Maybe I was going to hurl instead of cry. I didn’t know which was better.

“You don’t look fine.”

Pushing open the door, I slid inside and quickly shut it behind me, locking it. I couldn’t even look in the mirror. I squeezed my eyes shut, but it was hopeless. Tears eked out, streaming down my cheeks.

“Syd?” He was right outside the door. “What’s going on?”

“Go away, Kyler.” Sitting down on the rim of the bathtub, I pulled the quilt up to my chin. My stomach was churning. I lifted the lid on the toilet.

The doorknob rattled, and I sank to my knees. I couldn’t even see the toilet, but I hoped I hit it. “Sydney!”

The quilt slipped my fingers and I grasped the sides of the toilet. “Go away!”

A moment of silence stretched into minutes. Then all those stupid shots came back up, leaving my insides feeling wrecked and my heart—well, it was cracked for a whole different reason.

Chapter 8

Kyler

Wincing at the sounds coming from inside the bathroom, I moved away from the door and then went back, trying the doorknob again. She’d locked me out. God knows I could help her, hold her hair and shit, but she actually locked me out.

Damn it all to hell and back again, I wanted to kick the door in.

But I didn’t. I’d seen the look on her face, like I’d crushed her. I didn’t get why.

I stared at the door, taking a deep breath. Why did you stop me? Did she really ask that question? Was she still drunk? It seemed obvious to me. Syd had been way too drunk to even be considering masturbation, let alone sex.

Backing away from the door, I turned and headed downstairs. I checked her phone—still didn’t work—and then I checked the news. Still calling for the storm of the century, and outside the snow was starting to really come down.

I did just about everything to stop myself from checking on Syd, or from really thinking about what she had asked me. I even called my mom.

She answered on the second ring, sounding breathless. “Hey honey, please tell me you’re not on your way home. I don’t want you trying to drive through a blizzard or putting Sydney in a car.”

My lips split into a grin. “We’re going to wait it out, Mom.”

“Good.” Relief was evident in her voice. “Tony and I were so worried you were going to try to get out of there and hit the storm on the way.”

I meandered through the various rooms, stopping in the sunroom. “What’s it doing there?”

“Snowing like crazy, honey,” she replied. “Did anyone else make it up there?”

“No.” I moved a plotted plant to a different stand. “They hit the snow coming up.”

“So, it’s just you and Sydney?”

“Yep.”

There was a pause. “Interesting.”

I frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” she said, but she said it way too innocently. “Are you taking care of Sydney?”

I thought of last night. “Yeah, I always do.”

“That is true.” Another pause had my brows slamming down. So did not trust her silences. “You know, she treats you real good, honey.”

My mouth opened, but nothing came out.

“That’s a good girl with a good head on her shoulders. You’d be—”

“Okay,” I cut in. I was not having this conversation with her. There was only one other conversation I dreaded more than talking about girls with my mom.

Mom laughed and then she said, “Oh. Before I forget—Tony wants to take you to the club in Bethesda we’re looking into remodeling. He wants to see what you think of it.”

I came to a complete standstill. Aaand there was the other conversation. “Why?”

“Because we probably won’t make a move on it until late spring,” she explained, and I could hear the TV in the background. She must’ve been in her home office. “The owner is holding out and thinks they have enough money to get them an additional four months, but we’ll see. Anyway, it works out perfectly. It can be your first restoration.”

“Huh?”

“You’re graduating in the spring, or did you forget that?” Excitement hummed in her voice, and my stomach sank. “This works out perfectly. You get to show us your goods with the club in Bethesda. Tony wants to take you down there while you’re home over break.”

My eyes widened as I turned from the windows. “I don’t know, Mom. I might not have time for that.”

“Oh, pooh on that. You’ll have time.”

I said nothing.

Mom went back to talking about the weather, but I was barely listening. Ever since the restoration business took off, it was just assumed I would be a part of it. At first, I really didn’t have anything against it. Good money—great money even—my own hours, and I could travel, but it didn’t appeal to me.

It wasn’t what I wanted, what I cared about.

But Mom had sent me to college for this. Telling her that there was something else I wanted to do with my life was tantamount to throwing all that money back in her face—money that had started with my father’s life insurance.

I got off the phone pretty quickly after that and found myself in the basement, holding my guitar in my hands and staring into nothing. Back to Syd—always back to Syd.

A huge part of me was just confused. Completely, utterly confused by her question, but the other part? I was pissed. Did she think I normally slept with girls who were so fucked up they couldn’t walk straight? There was a huge, vast difference between that and being drunk. Was that how she really thought of me?

Disgust rolled through me, and my hand tightened around the neck of the guitar.

I had never slept with a girl who didn’t know what she was doing. If I even thought for one second that a girl was too drunk, nothing happened. Just like with Mindy. Then again, perception was all that mattered. All Syd saw was me going home with girls after drinking. I’d slept with a lot of females, so it didn’t take a huge leap of logic for her to think that I slept with every one of those girls, and that she wouldn’t be any different.

“Fuck,” I muttered as I sat on the couch across from the covered pool table.

The muscles in my stomach tightened. How could Syd think I’d treat her like a drunken one-night stand? The whole idea of that sickened me. I wasn’t perfect, but fuck, this was Syd.

Syd would always deserve far better than that, and far better than me, no matter how deep she lived inside of me.

Sydney

I stayed hidden in my room until I was seconds away from chewing my arm off. By then it was in the late afternoon. I’d stopped hurling and crying hours ago, and from what I could see out the bedroom window, the snow was coming down in waves and the wind was picking up.

Heading downstairs, I stopped the bottom of the steps and strained to hear where Kyler might be. There was a distant hum of the TV from the basement, so the coast was clear. I hurried through the foyer and into the kitchen.

The room was cooler due to the floor-to-ceiling windows in the front. I wrapped my arms around myself and walked over to the glass. Staring out the window, I watched the wind pick up the flakes, spinning them into little funnels as it tossed them across the snow-covered driveway. There had to be several inches of the new fluff since last night. And it was supposed to get worse?

Man, we picked the worst time to come here.

Turning away from the window, I went to the fridge and opened it. Kyler’s mom had done us good, though. Food and drinks stacked the fridge and freezer. I bypassed the more complex stuff and went with bologna and cheese. But when I went to put the items back in the fridge, I sighed and made one for Kyler—ham, cheese, and extra mayo. I didn’t know if he’d already eaten or not. I don’t even know why I did it—maybe out of habit—or maybe it was just because even though Kyler had stared at me like I was nuts for asking why he hadn’t hooked up with me, I still loved him.

God, I was lame.

Wrapping his sandwich in a paper towel, I ate mine quickly and downed an entire can of soda in minutes. The food settled weird in my stomach, and I guessed it was a product of drinking half my weight in tequila. I couldn’t believe I’d drunk that much and didn’t die, considering I had no tolerance for alcohol.

When I was done, I really didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to go back upstairs, and I wasn’t ready to face Kyler just yet. Would I ever be ready after I’d tried to kiss him and was then rejected by the guy who’d pretty much had his dick in just about everything? Had his dick in some chick two nights ago?

God, that should’ve just grossed me out, but it really just made me feel all the more lame.

As I roamed the upstairs, I could hear a strumming rift or two coming from the downstairs. I quietly made my way to the edge of the stairs that led to the basement.

Kyler was playing the guitar.

Leaning against the wall, I closed my eyes. Kyler had a talent when it came to playing music. Even as a kid, he could pick up almost any instrument and learn how to play it in record time. I, on the other hand, made musical instruments run in the other direction.

He was playing a Dave Matthews song, not missing a note at all. A smile pulled at my lips as I listened. Each note was perfect, rising in tempo as the song continued. I don’t know how long I stood there and listened, but when he stopped, I was bereft.

With nothing else to do, I slipped on my boots, jacket, and hat. Slipping out the front door, I pulled my gloves out of my pockets and put them on. Snow always made me feel better. I liked shoveling. I was weird, but it helped me think.

It was brutal outside, though. The wind whipped down the valley. There weren’t any other houses near this one, and other than the forest full of pines, the land was empty.

I made my way carefully down the stairs and hit the ground. Last night the snow had been packed down, but now it came up to my calves and it was wet and heavy. I waded around the stairs and made my way to the front of the garage. Looking around, I saw the shovel propped against the wall under the stairs.

Le sigh.

Shuffling back up the slight incline, I grabbed the shovel and turned, taking a sheet of snow in the face. It stung like a bitch.

“Jesus,” I muttered, shaking my head.

Dragging the shovel out to the driveway, I started clearing a path. There wasn’t any point to it. Wind was blowing snow back onto the tiny section I cleared, and when Saint Snow-dumbass or whatever they were calling it finally got here, it would be a total white-out, but I liked the burn in my arms and how everything seemed different outside, freezing my ass off and sweating at the same time.

Maybe trying to kiss Kyler and getting rejected wasn’t such a bad thing. I could learn from this experience. Get some perspective or something, because it was probably well beyond the time I should be letting go of this stupid unrequited love stuff.

He didn’t want me.

I wanted him.

The only way to fix this was to find someone else. And there was Paul. Nothing was wrong with him, and before Kyler had hijacked me at the bar, there was a good chance that he was going to ask me out. At least that was how it’d sounded, and according to both Kyler and Andrea, Paul was attracted to me. He didn’t need to be swimming in beer to want me, so he got bonus points right there.

Too bad Paul wasn’t snowed in here.

Oh, who was I fooling? Even if Paul were here, it wasn’t like I’d be spending the entire time in his bed or something, but he could’ve been the perfect distraction.

I stopped, brushing snow off my face. Using Paul as a distraction was really shitty, but if I could just let go of Kyler, I could fall for Paul. Couldn’t I? He was nice and handsome and fun. As far as I knew, he didn’t sleep around. We had career goals in common.

My heart didn’t like the idea, though. Like I was betraying Kyler or something, and that was just stupid. But I felt…icky even considering it.

Everything in my life was where it needed to be. I would graduate in the spring, enter grad school, and for the most part, I had my shit together, but relationships? I missed the boat on that one. It was the one thing I couldn’t fix or figure out. I was twenty-one, but it was like I was stuck at sixteen when it came to my love life.

In reality, I was stuck on one word: frigid.

Seemed stupid to be so affected by some guy saying that, especially with my psychology background, but that one word summed up years of a relationship and my own actual real sexual act.

I couldn’t get past that, just like I couldn’t get past Kyler.

Half-tempted to throw myself face-first into the snow, I began shoveling with vigor. I had half the snow moved off a decent section of the driveway when I heard something rumbling in the distance. Turning around, I held the ends of my hair back from my face and tried to see through the snow.

What the hell was that noise? There was nothing around here. We were too far from the street to hear anything and I doubted anyone was up on the slopes today. Dropping the shovel as the noise—the hum of an engine—grew louder, I still couldn’t see anything. Thinking I might have some tequila still left in my veins, I twisted around, and then I saw it.

Two small headlights belonging to a snowmobile were a couple of yards away from me, flying over the snow and kicking up loose flakes.

My brain absolutely refused to comprehend what was happening at first, but instinct kicked in. Air expelled out of my lungs in a painful rush. It was coming fast—too fast. I froze maybe only for a second and then I started backpedaling, panic making my movements clumsy.

“Hey!” I yelled, waving my arms, but the wind carried my voice away.

The snowmobile was heading straight for me! Didn’t they see me? My heart turned over.

Twisting away, I turned and tripped over the handle of the shovel. My knees sank through the snow and I quickly pushed myself up, fear coating my insides in ice as I looked over my shoulder. It was right on me, so close I could see the white helmet with the red and yellow stripe down the center and the dark shield covering the face. I couldn’t get out of the way. It was going to run me over.

A tiny part of my brain, that wasn’t completely overcome with panic, couldn’t believe that this was how I would die. Being run over by a rogue snowmobile during a blizzard? Life was so cruel.

Something hit me in the waist and I was flying ass-over-teakettle. I hit the part of the driveway I’d just cleared for no freaking reason. Black starbursts filled my vision, and the last thing I remembered was hearing my name, and then there was nothing.

Chapter 9

Sydney

I must’ve only been out for a few seconds—long enough to leave me feeling disorientated when I blinked open my eyes.

Kyler’s hands were on my cheeks, his brown eyes nearly black. “Sydney! Say something, baby. Talk to me.”

My tongue felt like a wool brush. “Ouch.”

He stared at me a moment, and then he laughed. A second later, he pulled me into a sitting position and to his chest. He was so warm I wanted to crawl into him. “Jesus, you scared the shit out of me.”

What did I do other than almost get run over? I buried my head into the front of his sweater as I clutched his sides. “I think I saw my life flash before my eyes. It was pretty lame.”

His embrace tightened, squeezing me until I thought he’d crack a rib. “I didn’t think I’d get to you in time, that…” He trailed off, pressing his lips against my chilled forehead. “I knew I should’ve come outside when I saw you go for the shovel, but I know how you like doing that shit.” There was a pause and then he cursed again. “Syd…”

“I’m okay.” And I was, other than a little shaken up and having a soaked and freezing butt. “They didn’t see me. Close call.”

“Didn’t see you?” Kyler pulled back, fury etched into the striking lines of his face. “There’s no way that asshole didn’t see you.”

“What?”

Kyler stood, bringing me along with him. I was a little wobbly, so he held on as the wind whipped at us, throwing sheets of icy snow around us. “The asshole had to see you. I could see you from the porch!”

My heart tripped up. “But…”

“He saw you.” Anger hardened his voice, giving it a scary edge. “Come on. Let’s go inside and get you warmed up.”

Before I could process what he was saying, he swooped me up and started toward the porch steps. “I can walk,” I protested.

“This makes me feel better, so don’t even argue with me.”

I did start to argue, but when I opened my mouth, I ended up taking in a mouthful of snow, which caused me to hack up a lung. Attractive. Once inside, Kyler didn’t put me down until we were in the living room and in front of the fireplace.

“What do you mean the person on the snowmobile saw me?” I asked as he worked the logs in the fireplace. “That means they were doing it on purpose.”

“That’s what I said,” he all but growled. There was a bright spark as he stroked the flames to life, easing some of the bone-chilling cold. “He saw you. I don’t know why someone would do that, but they did.”

I opened my mouth again, but nothing came out. I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t believe that anyone would’ve purposely tried to run me over. It wasn’t like Kyler to be so paranoid, but I didn’t know anyone here, so it wasn’t like I’d had a chance to piss someone off bad enough to want to run my ass over.

“I don’t want you going outside by yourself,” he said, his back still to me as he messed with the fire.

“Okay,” I said, only because I didn’t want to start an argument.

He stood, shaking the wet flakes out of his hair. “You should get out of those clothes before you get sick.”

Feeling a little bit like a misbehaving child and not sure why, I left to do what he asked. Since it was late and I doubted we’d be going anywhere, I changed into a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and a long-sleeved shirt. When I went back down, Kyler had changed into dry sweats and the fire was going strong.

He handed over a blanket and I wrapped it around me, grateful. I felt like the snow had gotten inside me. I sat beside the fireplace, watching the flames lick at the bricks. Outside, the wind was really starting to pick up, rattling the house. It seemed like the wind was finding every little crack in the house and making its way inside.

I clenched the blanket tighter as I scooted closer to the fire, shivering. Kyler watched me for a moment, and then he stood from where he was sitting on the couch. Grabbing another blanket, he walked over to where I was and sat behind me. I stiffened.

“It’s okay,” he said. “I have an idea.” He spread his legs out on either side of me, and then got an arm around me. Tugging me back, he wrapped the blanket around us. “See? We’re like a burrito.”

I stayed put, not leaning against him, but I could already feel the warmth coming over me. Being this close to him was nerve-racking in a way it never had been before, so it took me a few moments to find my voice. “It’s a pretty cool burrito.”

“I think so.” A couple of moments passed. “What do you think the gang is doing back home?”

I focused on the flames. “Probably hanging out with family. I think Andrea was going to go to Tanner’s parents’ house.”

“Are they together?” Confusion marked his question. “I never know what’s going on between those two.”

I laughed and began to relax, loosening my white-knuckle grip on the blanket. “I really don’t know, either. It’s anyone’s guess.”

“Those two are crazy. I don’t even think they’ve gone out on a date.”

“They haven’t. I don’t think they’ve done anything, but I still bet they’ll end up married with tons of babies.”

Kyler chuckled as he leaned back against the foot of the recliner behind him. “You know what I was thinking?”

I glanced over my shoulder at him. His head was tipped back, exposing the expanse of his neck. He had a sexy throat. Hell, the boy had a sexy everything. A smile tugged at my lips as my chest warmed up. “What?”

“I was thinking about changing majors.”

“Huh?” I laughed. “You’re graduating in the spring, Kyler.”

He grinned as he lowered his chin. His eyes were a warm brown. “It’s too late for that?”

“Probably.” I wiggled around so I was half-facing him. He spread out one leg, giving me more room. “You don’t want to do business management? Like your mom and stepfather?”

Those full lips of his pursed thoughtfully. “Honestly?”

“Yeah.” Business management might sound lame to some people, but there were a lot of stable careers in that and money to be made. Especially for someone like Kyler, who had the connections needed to start his own business, which according to the last time I’d talked to his mom, was following in her footsteps. I really tried not to think about that, because it meant that once we graduated, I’d stay in Maryland to get my doctorate, and Kyler would start traveling, like his mom. After spending more than half my life with him within arm’s length, I wasn’t sure how I’d handle the separation.

It sort of struck me then, my sudden inability to ignore my wild monkey lust for him and my feelings that were stronger than friendship. We’d be separated sooner rather than later. Knots filled my stomach.

His eyes met mine, expression suddenly seriously. “I don’t know.”

Truth was, Kyler had the luxury of changing his mind this late in the game. His family had enough money that he could hold off graduating. He could go back and get another degree. He could do nothing. My parents were nowhere near as wealthy as his. My dad ran his own insurance office and mom taught at the local private school, so there’d been a college fund for me, but if I decided to change my mind now or take a few years off before grad school, my parents would kick my ass from here to home and back again.

“What do you want to do?” I asked, but I already had a suspicion.

“Travel the world as a millionaire playboy?”

“Ha. Funny.”

He flashed a quick grin. “Seriously?”

I nodded.

“Restoring old bars and shit? I don’t know about that. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not a bad job.”

“No, it’s not. But?”

The light in the ceiling flickered as the wind gusted. He smiled, and I released the breath I didn’t realize I was holding. “You know how my minor is in biology, right? And I’ve been adding a lot of math classes in?”

“Yeah,” I said, relaxing into him. He seemed to be okay with that, because he shifted so that my head was against his chest and his arms were clasped around me. “I just figured something was wrong with your brain for taking those classes.”

He laughed. “Nah, my brain functions normally, most of the time.” There was a pause, and then he said, “I was thinking about going to vet school after graduating.”

My eyes fell shut as my heart did this stupid squeeze-floating thing. Kyler’s biggest soft spot had always been animals. Once, in the third grade, he’d found a pigeon outside on the playground. Its wing had been broken, and left alone, it would have surely died. He’d kicked a fit, and I mean, refusing to sit at his desk and everything, until the teacher dug up a small box.

Kyler had marched out onto the playground and scooped up the little bird. He’d also made his mom take it to the vet. A pigeon—a creature that no one else would’ve given a crap about. He’d become my hero in that moment.

“Syd?” There was uncertainty in his voice, like he thought I might think giving up a career where he could make millions for one where the main payback would be helping animals was insane.

I inhaled a shaky breath as I snuggled closer. I couldn’t have Kyler the way I wanted him. I knew that, accepted that. The drunken version of me didn’t, obviously, but still, I was proud to call him a friend. “I think it’s a great idea.”

“You do?” He sounded surprised.

I smiled. “I think it’s wonderful. It’s something you feel passionate about. You should do it.”

Kyler didn’t respond, but I felt some tension seep out of him. Something I hadn’t really noticed until then. Maybe that’s what he needed. Affirmation.

As we sat there in the silence, watching the flames create dancing shadows along the wood walls, I realized something else in that moment. Even though I knew that all we ever would have between us was friendship, I loved him.

Oh man…

I would always love Kyler Quinn.

I was so screwed.