Текст книги "Lighter"

Автор книги: Gia Riley

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Текущая страница: 9 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

I’M NOT ONE FOR PUBLIC displays of affection in the middle of the quad, but Kipton’s kisses are my favorite addiction. It’s been awhile since I’ve made out with anyone, so I’m probably rusty, but I have no problem practicing on his lips. My body was on fire inside the planetarium the second he touched me and I’m still coming down from lust overload. If he’s capable of those skills outside of the bedroom, I’m scared of what he’s capable of doing to my body beneath the sheets.

I’ve spent the entire fifteen minute walk to Johnson Hall replaying our first and second kisses in my mind, not even paying attention to anyone I’ve passed or bothering to look both ways before I crossed the street. Magically, I’ve floated back to my dorm still in one piece of romantic mush. I touch my fingers to my lips and smile. Part of me wants to continue to get lost in the moment, but I’ve felt this way before about a guy and lived to regret it.

“Earth to Sophie,” Cara says from the comfort of her bed. Must be nice to have the entire afternoon off even if she did have to suffer through an eight o’clock class.

“Hey Cara.” I open the fridge and grab a bottle of water.

“So how was it?”

“We went to the planetarium.” I can’t even say the word without smirking. It’s my new favorite place on campus. Even though it feels slightly forbidden now.

“We?” Cara asks with knowing smirk.

“Your brother’s in my astronomy class. Can you believe that?”

“Yeah. He told me when he called.”

“He called? What for?”

Cara sits up and crosses her legs Indian style, hugging her pillow to her chest. “To see if you were home safely.”

It’s oddly comforting having him call to check on me. Maybe he’s as affected by the kiss as I am. “Does he want me to text him or something?” I have to play it cool or Cara will be all over me for details.

She smiles. “I’m sure he’d love that. But it can wait until you fill me in.”

Shit. “Okay, what do you want to know?”

“About the kiss for starters.” Shocked by her request, I spit some of my water out of my mouth wetting the floor in front of me.

“He told you!” I ask in shock. I didn’t realize he swapped stories with his sister so freely. Especially with how pissed he was catching her doing the deed.

“No, but you just did. I knew something was up when he called to check on you. Then you waltz in here like a fairy princess practically petting your freshly kissed lips.”

“Cara, I was not.” I totally was petting them.

“You were. So, as much as it pains me to ask about my brother’s skills, how was it?”

I smile at the memory of him pulling my body on top of his, unexpectedly removing me from my chair. “It was good.” It was fucking fantastic!

“That’s it? Good?” She looks at me knowingly, waiting for more.

“Are you sure this isn’t too weird for you.”

“Oh, it’s creepy as all get out but I love you both and need to know regardless.”

I dive onto my mattress and giggle. “It was freaking amazing, Cara. I’ve never been kissed so passionately in my life. Your brother has amazing lips.”

Cara flops back on her bed and quickly covers hear ears with the sides of her pillow, creating thick earmuffs surrounding her entire head. Groaning, she rolls around like she’s in pain. I, of course, can’t stop laughing at her reaction. I knew she wouldn’t be able to handle it.

Drew strolls in our room and looks back and forth between Cara and I wondering what’s going on. Cara’s oblivious to him even being in the room. “What’s her deal,” he asks.

“Ask her, I’m sure she’d love to tell you all about it.”

He sits down on the edge of Cara’s bed and sneaks his hand under the blanket. I’m pretty sure I know where he’s headed so I look the other way even though I can’t see anything. When I hear Cara’s high pitched squeal, I assumed correctly.

“Shit, Drew. I thought you were Sophie!” Drew’s dying of a laughter fit which earns him a love tap to the gut.

“Sorry, babe. When’s dinner? I’m starving.”

“You’re always hungry.” She rolls her eyes and sits back up, rearranging her shorts in the process.

“Mostly for you.” He leans in and kisses her on the mouth. They’re entirely too cute and it makes me wish Kipton lived in the dorm too. “Since I can’t have you right now, let’s get pizza for dinner.”

“You can have me later. Little Italy works for me. They even have the crushed ice in the soda fountain.” Cara moans and licks her lips. The girl has an ice addiction.

“You’re an easy woman to please, you know that Cara?” Drew declares.

She smiles adoringly at him and holds his hand, interlocking their fingers as she fiddles with the ring on her thumb. “You always please me.” She looks up at him through thick lashes and I can tell she’s about to jump him from the looks of it.

“Guys, cut it out! I don’t need to hear about your sexual shenanigans.”

Cara’s quick with her comeback. “Says the girl who was sucking face with my brother all afternoon.”

Drew raises his eyebrows in surprise. “Bout time. Oh, and speaking of Kipton. I forgot to tell you he’s stopping by to talk to me tonight before his date with Sophie.”

Cara’s freak out coming in 3, 2, 1. . . .“What! Why would he do that? I’ll kick his ass.” Drew and I both crack up at her exuberant reaction.

“Calm down, killer. It was my idea. I called him and asked,” Drew assures her.

Cara huffs and crosses her arms defensively as she looks back and forth between Drew and I. “You two are making me nuts. First I hear about Kipton’s lips, now my, well whatever you are is calling him to chat.” She waves her hands back and forth between her and Drew in exasperation.

“What do you mean whatever I am?” Drew questions.

“Well, I don’t know. We never discussed anything.” Her cheeks heat and for the first time, I get a glimpse of shy Cara. I wasn’t sure she existed.

“Then let’s make it official.”

Cara’s eyes widen in surprise. “You’re sure?”

“Yes. We’re having sex aren’t we?” Drew leans in to Cara and claims her lips in a sweet, chaste kiss. It’s very PG for the two of them.

“We are, but that doesn’t mean anything.”

Drew looks like she just slapped him. “It means something to me. You’re mine.”

“I didn’t mean it the way it came out, Drew. Just that it doesn’t have to mean something if you don’t want it to.”

He caresses her cheek in his hand and places a few more soft kisses on her lips. “Well, I want it to.”

“You’re sure?” Cara asks again for clarification she knowingly doesn’t need.

Drew jumps on top of her in the bed and pins her arms above her head. “Ask me again, I dare you,” he challenges. Cara starts laughing as Drew tickles her senseless. I’m worried clothes are going to start flying so I chime in before either of them forget I’m sitting here.

“Okay kids, playtime’s over. As romantic as that whole moment was, I need to get a little work done before my own hot date tonight.”

Drew climbs off Cara and huffs. “Fine. I’ll let you two ladies do your thing. I’ll be back for pizza in an hour though.”

Cara sits up, resting on her elbows while she watches him leave our room. I don’t miss the blissful look in her eyes as she realizes she has officially landed herself a boyfriend. I’m happy for her, although slightly jealous of their effortless connection. Maybe someday I’ll be able to dive head first into a relationship without carrying a bunch of heavy baggage along with me.

I take out my astronomy notebook and page through my chapter notes. Doodling in the margin, I draw a few hearts and stars haphazardly around the paper. My mind becomes lost in thoughts of Kipton simply from opening the textbook for the class. Deciding this might not be the best time to tackle my astronomy homework, I find my phone and fire off a text to Kipton.

Sophie: Thanks for checking on me.

Kipton: Always.

He replies within seconds, making me smile at the words on the screen. Always. I’ve never had an always anything. I almost don’t know what to do with the letters, but I welcome them.

“Hey, Sophie.”

“Yeah, Cara?” I turn around in my desk chair and am surprised to see Cara looking incredibly defeated.

“What’s wrong?”

“I dunno. I’m happy, but really really nervous,” she admits.

I get up from my chair knowing my work will have to wait. “About what exactly?”

“I don’t want to screw it up with Drew.”

I have no idea where she’s going with this. “Okay. Why would you screw it up?”

“I don’t have the best track record when it comes to dating guys. I’ve been looking for a guy like Drew forever. I finally found him, but what if he’s too good to be true?”

“There’s no magic eight ball that can predict the future. But you guys are adorable together. Honestly, I think he’s just as lucky to have you. Enjoy spending time with him and don’t hold yourself back because you’re scared. But if things do get more serious than they already are, you should have this conversation with him. Let him know where you stand. And maybe the other guys didn’t work out because they weren’t who you were supposed to be with.”

“I can do that. Are you going to take your own advice?” She cuddles back down under the covers of her bed.

“Well played, Cara. But probably not. I haven’t had the best history either.” Of course I’d love nothing more than to kiss Kipton repeatedly, but as soon as I’m healed, I’ll be in the gym on a full time basis. There won’t be time for movies under the stars, dinner dates and cuddle sessions. That’s what worries me.

“So you’re never going to make out with my brother again? Even after how happy it made you?”

“I never said that.” I take another sip of my water and clear my throat. It still hurts from making myself sick. “Gymnastics, Cara, it always gets in the way, but that’s what’s most important to me. Guys come and go, but the sport is my one constant.” I refocus on my phone, hoping she takes the hint that I don’t like talking about this.

“Were you burned in the past?”

Okay, definitely not getting any work done. I get up and move to my own bed, placing some distance in between the two of us so I can express what I need to say. I’m not about to sit around the campfire singing Kumbaya while hashing out my past, but I owe her an answer.

“Maybe. But there hasn’t been a guy worth my time either. I opened up my heart once and all I got out of that was used and tossed aside like yesterday’s trash. So, maybe I am jaded, but I’ve never been around a relationship that stood the test of time either. My dad was a fuck up; my first boyfriend took what he wanted and moved on. I have nothing to go on. It’s easier to focus on what’s important and put my heart into my gymnastics dream instead of someone else’s hands—nobody’s ever taken care of it. I have to build my own life, for me. If someone ends up joining me for the ride, awesome. But if it doesn’t happen, I’m okay with that too. I don’t need a man to make me happy. I have my own goals and ambitions.”

Cara blinks her eyes, seeming somewhat surprised by my honest answer. “I’m sorry, Sophie. I had no idea.”

“Don’t be, I’m not. It is what it is.”

“Can I ask you about your dream?”

“I guess.” There’s honestly not much to tell. It’s a pretty cut and dry plan I’ve mapped out for myself. “What do you want to know?”

“Tell me about it.” She rolls over onto her stomach and rests her chin in her hands taking great interest in any details I’m about to tell her.

“All I want is to be the best gymnast I can be, to get good grades and land my dream job. That’s it. I’ve never imagined a husband or kids in my future. I know what I want and what I have to do to get it. That doesn’t mean I won’t have a little fun along the way.”

“You honestly don’t want a family?”

“I have my Mom now that my Dad’s gone. That’s good enough for me.”

She stares at me, probably wondering what to say without telling me I’m a selfish bitch. “You deserve so much more than that, Sophie. You’re amazing and I’m not saying you’re gonna marry the first guy you decide to date, but Kipton cares about you. I’ve seen the look in his eyes when he’s around you. The night you were sick and passed out in his bed, I’ve never seen him like that.”

“Maybe so, but it still doesn’t change what I want out of life. History’s been known to repeat itself and I don’t ever want to live in hell again. People change over time, Cara. In fact, times usually not on our side at all. It does crazy things to our minds and makes us hurt the people we’re supposed to love. So, no. I don’t really want to be with someone who has the potential to hurt me.”

“It doesn’t have to be like that, Sophie. It doesn’t have to be only gymnastics and work. You deserve to be loved because I know you have the potential to be someone’s forever. I promise you there’s a way to still be independent without being alone.” She walks over and hugs me. I return it, sensing she needs the comfort more than I do. Without knowing my history, she’ll never understand where I’m coming from. And that’s okay—it’s bad enough I have to relive it in my dreams.

“Will you tell me what happened with your first boyfriend?”

I scoot over on my bed so she can sit down with me. “There’s not much to tell. He was a year older than I was and moved into the same development that I’ve lived in all my life. He had a similar situation as I did, with his parents going through a divorce. Neither of us wanted to be in our houses most of the time because of all the fighting, so we would go for runs. Thankfully, I was at gymnastics during most of my free time—maybe that’s why I’m so attached to it. It was my saving grace when I had nothing else to turn to. Anyway, as I was running by his house one day, he joined me. At first I was nervous about this random guy being in my personal space, but he was easy to talk to.”

Cara’s listening intently, hanging on my every word.

“For a while, I felt like he was all I had. So, of course, I wanted to please him. I couldn’t make my parents happy or love each other, but I could control the way he felt about me. It’s lame, I know that now. But when you’re seventeen and desperate for affection and attention, you do stupid things.”

I fiddle with the tag on the pillow I’m clutching in my lap. Cara reaches over and holds my hand. “You don’t have to tell me more if it’s too hard?”

I nod my head that I do. “Each night, he would sneak into my bedroom after my mom was asleep. Most nights, my dad would take off only to return sometime in the morning to get ready for work. But I always made sure Blaine was gone before the bar closed, just in case my dad came home drunk off his ass and looking for drama. Eventually, my dad stopped coming home altogether and I didn’t have to worry about Blaine being there. Things moved faster once that happened.”

“I’m sorry,” Cara says.

“Don’t be. All you can control is yourself. I’m still learning that.”

“You don’t have to continue if it’s too much.”

“It’s okay. I’ve never told anyone all of this, but I trust you.” Cara squeezes my hand again and sadly smiles given the circumstances. “One night, Blaine came over and the usual kissing progressed to more. I was scared, but he had this way of making it seem like I owed him things. Of course it wasn’t the case, but he knew how desperate I was for affection. Not physical either, just in the general sense of the word. I would have been fine with a casual friendship, but it wasn’t enough for Blaine. Little by little, he took things farther assuring me he loved me. It had been so long since I heard those words from anyone; I wasn’t sure how to process them. The only way I knew how to show him I loved him was to let him have all of me. I wanted him to feel how much I loved him in return—for him to know I was his. Of course he said all the right things at the right times and I figured my uneasiness was coming from inexperience and not his feelings for me.

Assuming we were officially together considering we had sex and all, I was shocked when I saw him at school kissing another girl at her locker. The very next day, Cara. He didn’t even pretend to hide it either. He came to my window every night for a week begging for me to let him inside. Eventually, I let him convince me his weak moment was a mistake and that it would never happen again. He had a way with words.

Our relationship continued in my room each night, but over time, it was more about sex than anything. Now that he had me, he didn’t say sweet things to me anymore. There was never cuddling, long talks about our future, or plans together. It was purely physical. And when he had his fill, he would leave me alone to fall asleep in a puddle of tears. I tried to bring back the affectionate Blaine I fell for, but it only made him angry. Really angry.”

“Did he hurt you, Sophie?”

One blink is all it takes to bring the tears back. “Yes.” I wipe my tears and continue—my voice shaky from the emotion of retelling the story. “There was no way I could love him or trust him anymore, Cara. He was exactly like my Dad. A liar, a cheat, and a fake.”

“Did your Dad hit you too, Sophie?”

“No. Only Blaine. My Dad was all verbal abuse, years and years of it. Not that it makes it any better.”

Cara leans over and hugs me tightly. “Sophie, I’m so sorry. You’re worth so much more than the way they treated you. You have to believe that.”

“I’d like to believe I’m worthy of someone’s love, Cara. But the two guys I’ve looked up to both let me down. My Dad never loved me and made it very clear he didn’t want me. Blaine was only pretending to be in love with me in order to get what he wanted physically. And once he did, he turned into a monster. I never saw it coming either, so it hurt even more. Especially after he knew what I was dealing with at home.”

“He’s an ass, Sophie. I hate him. Why would he do that to you?”

“I have no idea, but maybe that’s why he picked me. He knew how fucked up I already was.”

“How did it end?”

I manically laugh. “Gymnastics of all places. It’s saved my life on so many levels. My coach noticed bruises on my arms and legs. There’s not much you can hide in a leotard. But all it took was one call to the authorities and it was over. One call, Cara, that I didn’t have the nerve to make myself.”

“None of it is your fault, Sophie. Please believe that. You’re a survivor, a fighter.”

“Pizza time, ladies!” Drew announces before he’s even fully into the room. “Oh, did I interrupt?”

Cara releases me from her embrace, winking at me while doing so. She’s up to something.

“You did, but we’re willing to let you in on it if you shut the door,” she playfully tells him. His eyes gleam with excitement. He leans against the door, shutting it with his body instead of his hands. His eyes haven’t strayed from Cara’s once. “Good boy.”

Drew shakes his head yes and waits for his next command. “Kiss me, Drew.” Without a second thought, he walks over to her and picks her up. She straddles his waist with her legs and spins around to pin her up against the closet door. As much as I’m wondering how long she’s going to let this charade play out, I clear my throat to remind them I’m still sitting here. Cara giggles and lets her legs fall from his waist to the floor. “I’m sorry, Sophie. How could we leave you out? Drew, I want you to kiss Sophie now.”

Frozen in place, he hesitates to move. Briefly, he looks at me before turning his attention back to Cara. It takes all I have not to bust out laughing. Cara cuddles up to his side and runs her hands under his shirt. “Don’t you want to make us both happy, Drew?”

“Um. Uh. But doesn’t she have Kipton? I mean I don’t want to get my ass kicked. He already found me with you, Cara. What if he shows up and sees the three of us?”

“So you don’t want to play?” Cara whines like a spoiled child who isn’t about to get her way. She’s a fabulous actress. I’ll give her that.

“I was just hoping for pizza, but I’m down with whatever will make you happy.”

Cara can’t hold a straight face any longer and snorts. “Good answer.” She jumps into his arms again and kisses him senseless. He responds with a deep moan to which I ignore and grab my purse.

I clutch the straps in my hand and smack it against Drew’s back to hurry them along. “Let’s get some pizza, guys. You can have your tryst afterwards.”

Drew looks somewhat disappointed although relieved. “You two are evil. But if you can promise I won’t get my ass beat, I’m still game.”

“We’ll keep that in mind for a rainy day,” I assure him.

“Hell yeah!” It doesn’t take much to excite him.

“Go grab an elevator, babe. We’ll catch up, okay?” Cara kisses him one last time and sends him on his way while I lock up. She waits until I’m finished before speaking. “I want you to know you’re not fucked up, Sophie. You’re the most beautiful, selfless person I’ve ever met. I know we’ve only known each other a short time, but I mean it. You were dealt a shitty hand so far, but it can only get better. Give my brother a real shot. Let love in, Sophie. I promise you won’t regret it this time.”

I give her a hug, appreciative of her heartfelt words. “I’ll try my best, Cara. Thanks for listening. I didn’t mean to drown you with all the heavy stuff today.”

“You drown me any day of the week. I’m here. Always.”

“Thanks, Cara.”

I’d love to believe Kipton is different because I’m not sure I can handle it if he’s not. Casual with him will work. It’s the serious I’m afraid of because I won’t survive another failure. My heart can only be broken so many times before it turns to dust.