Текст книги "Better Off Friends"

Автор книги: Elizabeth Eulberg

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Текущая страница: 9 (всего у книги 13 страниц)

Talk about being oblivious.

I know, they got us so good.

I was referring to our parents. How could they not have figured out we weren’t even talking?

Yeah, we weren’t speaking and they threw us a joint surprise party.

I’m more shocked that Danielle didn’t say something to my dad. She doesn’t hold things in.

Like you do?

Oh, yes, I was the one who was being irrational.

Man, I was being such an idiot.

I’m sorry, I don’t believe I heard you. Could you repeat that?

Yes, I was being an idiot, a total idiot. Even I wouldn’t have wanted to hang out with me.

And people think girls get emotional.

Again, I was really confused after you abandoned me.

And you wondered why I had to leave the country?

I was shocked at first by the unexpected group of people cheering “SURPRISE!” And the evening got even more surreal from there.

Dad came over and gave me a big hug, followed by Uncle Adam.

Dad beamed. “Here I thought you were too smart for your old pops to get you.”

I looked around and saw about fifty people, from all over my life. There were mostly people from school rounded out by some family members and a few of my cooking class friends.

It wasn’t hard to pick out who was for Levi and who was for me. It was like this one wedding I went to the summer before. Mom’s friend from college was marrying a guy Mom didn’t approve of. Everybody on Suzanne’s side was dressed in suits or dresses. The groom’s side was completely different. I heard Mom “tsk-tsk” a few times as people walked in dressed in khakis and jeans. Someone even had jorts on.

“Who wears jeans to a wedding?” Mom had asked under her breath.

I’d shrugged. I was only ten at the time, so I didn’t have that great an answer.

Six years later, I still didn’t have the answer for a lot of things.

Levi went over to the jock contingent. It was then I noticed Emily was there. I was pretty sure Levi’s mom wouldn’t have invited her. I scanned back in my head to see if I’d ever officially told my dad that we weren’t really friends anymore. She hadn’t been to our house in years.

Emily gave me a little wave and approached cautiously. “Happy birthday, Macallan.”

“Thanks,” I said as we embraced uncomfortably.

“Great party!” she said as she scanned the room.

“Yeah.” It was a great party.

“Anyway, I know it’s been a while, but it’s a big day, so I got you a little something.” Emily handed me a small wrapped box.

“Oh, you shouldn’t have,” I protested. She shrugged in response. I didn’t know if I was supposed to wait to open presents, but since I hadn’t even known this party was happening, I figured I could be excused for not following protocol.

I slowly unwrapped the box to find a silver necklace with a delicate flower pendant.

“It’ll go with pretty much anything,” Emily offered.

“Thanks so much.” Emily knew I was awful at accessorizing. It was a gene that wasn’t passed on to me. I unlatched the necklace and put it around my neck.

“Here, let me help.” I held up my hair as Emily latched the necklace. It fell right in the middle of the scoop neck shirt that I was wearing. “Perfect!” she declared.

I gave Emily a grateful smile. She was looking out for my girly well-being even though we were no longer close.

We looked at each other, neither of us really knowing what to do now. It was so odd to be standing across from someone who had been my best friend for nearly a decade and yet have nothing to talk about. I couldn’t help but wonder if that was what was going to happen to me and Levi. We already didn’t speak to each other.

I looked across and saw him laughing away with his friends. My anger at Levi wasn’t that he had friends. It was that he’d filled my head with thoughts of love, then took it away from me. I tried to guard myself from getting hurt – it was an automatic reflex. But I’d let Levi in as a friend, then as a best friend. By the time I’d landed in Chicago, I’d been ready to open my heart fully to him. To love him the way I thought he loved me.

But then he’d taken it away. It was torture to be around him those first few days back.

My attention was brought back to the party as our parents were asking for everybody’s attention at the front of the room. Dread filled me, because I knew something embarrassing would probably come next.

“Okay, everybody!” Dad was clinking a glass with a fork. A sharp whistle came from Uncle Adam and the place quieted down. “Thanks so much for coming tonight. And for keeping our little secret.” There was some laughter in the audience. “Can the birthday girl and boy come on up here?”

Levi and I came from opposite ends of the room and were greeted by polite applause and some catcalling from the jock group.

Mrs. Rodgers looked so happy. “I have to say that I was convinced Levi was onto me, he was being really nosy and asking so many questions.”

“Which should always be a cause for concern,” Dr. Rodgers interjected as he put his arm around Levi’s shoulder. Seeing Levi and his dad standing next to each other made me realize how much they looked alike, except for his dad’s dark hair.

Levi’s posture was stiff and he didn’t look that amused. But then a slow smile started to spread on his face as his dad began to jostle him.

Mrs. Rodgers got back control of the room. “Bruce and I can’t begin to express how much Macallan has meant to us, as well as Bill and Adam. They were so welcoming to us West Coasters and really brought us into their family.” She came over and grabbed my hand. “I am so grateful that Levi has such a generous, caring best friend.”

I glanced over at Levi, but his eyes were aimed at the floor. Maybe this was what we really needed to get everything back to how it used to be between us. Everything she was saying was true (especially about me being generous and caring; she missed humble).

I had been distant when I got back, mostly to try to adjust to the new reality that was waiting for me. Then Levi threw those hurtful words and accusations at me that day in my kitchen. I was convinced he was going to come back and apologize. But he left.

I wanted my old Levi back.

Even if it was only as friends.

The way he lashed out at me made me realize how delicate our relationship was. But he was too important to me, such a huge part of my life, I’d take him any way I could. Sure, there would always be something unspoken between us. An attraction we wouldn’t act on. But would a high school romance really be worth sacrificing our friendship?

No. We were better off friends.

I kept waiting all night. Through the speeches and roasting, the singing and cake, through the dancing and presents. I was poised expectantly for Levi to come over to me and make everything right.

But I was waiting for an apology that would never come.

I don’t know what compelled me to go to the last football game of the season. Uncle Adam was more than happy to join me in the bleachers. He went to every high school game, proudly wearing his orange and blue. My excuse that evening was that I was going to root for Danielle and the marching band. I even waved a few times at Emily down on the field as she cheered.

That was my excuse. Truthfully, I wanted to be there in case Levi finally got a chance to play. It wasn’t that he was bad; it was only that the wide receivers on the team who got playing time were all seniors and very, very good.

I didn’t know how much longer my loyalty to Levi would last. We had hardly spoken since the party. We’d pass each other in the hallways and he’d do that chin thing that lets the person know you’re acknowledging her, but not so much as to grant her the pleasure of uttering a proper hello. I tried to not let it get to me, but I got more hurt with each passing day. I sometimes thought it would be best to let it go and move on. I’d already survived the demise of one close friendship. I’d survived a lot worse than losing a friend.

But there was still a part of me that held out hope.

“Come on, guys!” Adam yelled as the other team scored a touchdown, pulling them ahead ten to seven. There were less than two minutes left in the game. I knew that Levi wouldn’t get any playing time with the score that close. We watched as the time slowly dwindled on the scoreboard to only thirty seconds left. I started to fold the blanket I had on my lap, getting ready to head for the exit.

My attention was drawn back to the field as whistles began to blow. There was some commotion going on and flags being tossed.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

Adam surveyed the scene. “Interference or someone’s hurt.”

As the bodies slowly started to break away from the pile on the field, one player remained. He was on his back and grabbing his knee.

The entire place was silent as the coach and the team trainer ran out and assessed the situation. The players stood by in a vigil-like way, all probably worried about their teammate and also unnerved by the reminder of how fragile our bodies could be.

The crowd started to applaud as the player began to limp off the field, one arm over the trainer.

“Hey, that was Kyle Jankowski,” Adam said as he clapped louder.

Poor Kyle, I thought. Then it registered that Kyle was one of the wide receivers.

I looked over and caught Mrs. Rodgers’s eye. I didn’t know if it was appropriate to be hopeful that Levi would get pulled in at the expense of another player’s health. But that was exactly what happened.

Levi started to jog out onto the field.

“GO, LEVI!” Adam shouted loudly, and patted me on the back.

I felt my heart beat faster. But I was sure it was nothing compared to what Levi was going through.

The team lined up and the ball was snapped to Jacob Thomas, the quarterback. He moved back and surveyed the players making their way down the field. Jacob always had more time than most quarterbacks in the district because Keith was his left tackle. No opposing player really had a chance of getting to him with Keith blocking.

Jacob threw the ball long down the field. I held my breath, conflicted about whether I wanted the ball to be thrown to Levi or not. While I wanted him to score, I also didn’t want him to drop the ball and be accountable for a loss. Even though I always thought it was unfair that one player was either applauded or vilified if they scored or didn’t in the last seconds of a game. The other players on the team were responsible for their getting to that moment. One player does not a team or victory make.

It was an incomplete pass. The team quickly scrambled near the forty-yard line. There were less than twenty seconds on the clock. The ball snapped. Jacob kept shuffling back, looking for an opening. We were at fifteen seconds. The crowd was on its feet. The ball sailed through the air. It was headed straight to Levi, who was running fast toward the end zone.

I swear time stood still for those few seconds. The entire place was silent. Everybody’s eyes were following the ball’s trajectory.

Levi held his arms out, his focus clear.

He jumped up slightly and caught the ball. He hesitated for a second, probably shocked that the ball was safe in his arms. He turned around and sprinted to the end zone.

The stands erupted in applause while the remaining players arrived in the end zone to celebrate their victory.

Adam and I hugged each other. We hugged the people next to us. I made my way over to Levi’s mom and dad.

“That was amazing!” I said as Dr. Rodgers picked me up.

Celebrating with Levi’s parents felt right. They were like my family – that hadn’t changed. I knew we’d get back to the place we once were. You don’t just toss family aside.

I glanced down at the field. Stacey ran over with the other cheerleaders and joined in the commotion. He quickly kissed her before the team hoisted him up.

Levi was beaming. This was all he ever wanted: to be part of a team. One of the guys.

The elation I felt quickly evaporated. While I knew I should be happy for him, I had to face the truth.

I knew right then that I had lost him for good.

It’s truly amazing what winning a game can do for someone’s confidence. Or ego.

I texted Levi after the game on Friday to congratulate him and never heard back. I saw him in the parking lot at school that Monday morning and gave him a wave, but he was too busy being the athletic stud he’d always dreamed of to notice me.

The entire school kept talking about it as if we’d never won a football game before. Nobody seemed to remember that it had been an extremely boring game for the first three quarters. Apparently, the last twenty seconds were the only thing that mattered. Had that play happened with two minutes left, we would’ve already moved on to something else.

And yes, I was being a horrible friend for not being more excited for Levi, but were we even friends anymore? We hadn’t talked in weeks. He had bigger (in no way better) people to spend his time with.

My annoyance was at an all-time high when I turned the corner on my way from English to see Levi walking with Tim and Keith. They had on their letter jackets and walked down the hallways with that athletic air of superiority that I never quite understood. So you can throw a ball or hit a ball or do something with a ball rather well – that entitles you to some kind of hero worship? The band kids with their musical talents didn’t walk around like we should all feel lucky to be graced with their presence.

I reminded myself that only a small percentage of their team would end up playing sports in college, and an even smaller percentage would go on to become professional athletic egomaniacs, if any at all. So at most, Keith would sit around twenty years from now, fat and balding, recounting the glory days of his high school athletic career.

I wanted to believe, at least hope, that my best years were ahead of me. It would be too depressing to fathom if high school was as good as it got.

“Hey, Macallan,” Keith sang out to me.

I grimaced as I passed by.

“Oh, it must be someone’s time of the month.” Keith snickered. “You’ve got to have that marked on your calendar, right, California? Can’t imagine you want to be near her when that hits.”

First, ew. Second, was that the best Keith could come up with for a reason to not be pleased as punch to talk to him? It couldn’t be that he was a complete tool, so it must be a womanly function.

I stopped in the hallway. I should’ve ignored him and kept going, but I wasn’t in the mood for his crap today.

“Is that the best you got?” I spat out.

The three of them stopped, and all of them turned around except Levi. Who muttered something about ignoring me.

Keith smirked at me. “Oh, I’ve got much more, but I don’t think you could handle it.”

Keith was used to getting what he wanted. And in that moment, I wanted to get under his skin. To have someone else feel dejected for a change.

“Believe me, Keith, I’m sure I can handle it just fine, since you apparently only know about women from what you find out in health class. So try me.”

Tim did that “oh” thing guys do when they try to one up each other. “She did not just say that.” He was laughing. Levi remained motionless.

Keith was not as amused. “Honestly, Macallan, I’ve so got you outnumbered in terms of intelligence.”

That was laughable.

Seeing his smug face infuriated me so much. He’d taken Levi away from me, and I wasn’t going to be so easy on him this time.

I leaned in toward him. “You do know that a D on a paper is not for dope job, yo, right?”

Keith sized me up, and then a smile slowly spread across his face, like he knew he’d gotten me. But there was no way Keith was going to get me. As a date, in an argument, ever.

“Well, yeah.” Then he slurred his voice. “I’m not part retard.”

I was stunned for a second.

I walked a few steps closer. Levi took a few steps back. “Excuse me – would you care to repeat that?” I was convinced that even Keith wouldn’t stoop so low.

He bent his arms up toward his collarbone and let his wrists go limp so his hands were dangling. He collapsed his legs together at the knees and started to walk like he had a disability. “I don’t know, can I? What’s repeat mean?”

Before I could understand my movements, I pushed Keith. Hard. He stepped back a few inches. Then he laughed. Which angered me more.

“Macallan.” Levi grabbed my arm. “Calm down.”

I shoved him away. “No, I will not calm down. And how are you going to stand here like that when he’s making fun of my uncle, who, need I remind you, has been nothing but kind to you? Has never said a bad word about anybody? Who certainly would never be so cruel as to make fun of somebody?” My voice started to crack. I could feel my entire body start to shake.

“God.” Keith looked shocked at my behavior. “I’m sorry, Macallan. I thought you could take a joke.”

“Do you find this funny?” I asked, my voice hard. I didn’t want to cry in front of Keith. I could not let him know that he had gotten to me. “You’re so pathetic. I can’t wait to see you in ten years when the reality of life outside these walls hits you.”

His face became as hard as my voice. “You think you’re so tough and above it all, don’t you? But guess what. Just because your mom’s dead doesn’t mean you can be such a bitch.”

A rage I could not describe, one that I hadn’t felt in years, overtook my body. Even though I could see that the second those words left his mouth, he regretted them, it was too little, too late. Keith could say what he wanted about me, but how dare he bring up my mom.

I wanted to shut him up. And I did that the only way I knew how.

He wasn’t lucky like Levi to get a kiss from me.

Instead, I tightened up my fists and hit him right in the kisser.

Keith, Mr. Athlete Extraordinaire, was knocked onto his butt.

I towered over him. “You say one more word to me ever again about my family, and I will not be so gentle.”

I turned on my heel and came face-to-face with Mr. Matthews, the gym teacher.

“Miss Dietz, I think you need to come to the office, and that goes for you gentlemen as well.”

“She attacked me!” Keith cried out.

“That’s enough, Mr. Simon.” Mr. Matthews stepped in between us. “Don’t think I didn’t hear what you were saying.”

The four of us followed Mr. Matthews to the office. I was put in a separate room from them. I knew I was in trouble. I knew my flawless school record was in jeopardy. But I didn’t care. I was angry. I was mad at the world. And why shouldn’t I have been? I’d had the most important thing taken away from me without explanation. There were times where I was able to be strong. Many instances where I could pretend that everything was fine.

But sometimes a girl just needs her mother.

The wait in the principal’s office felt like forever. I had the entire time to reevaluate how I acted. I remembered once in first grade I’d been mad at this fourth-grade boy who always teased me during recess. He’d call me names and sometimes throw sticks at me.

I finally told Mom about it. I said that I hated him and I wanted to punch him in the face.

Mom said I should never hit anybody, because violence was never the answer. That hitting someone showed that you cared. And you should never give someone that kind of power over you.

But it wasn’t Keith I was mad at. Or cared about.

The door finally opened and I saw my father. I felt so guilty for having to bring him in. I never wanted to be responsible for one of those calls.

“Hey, Calley,” Dad said softly to me. He only called me this when he was worried about his “baby girl.”

Principal Boockmeier motioned for him to sit down. I couldn’t even look at my father, I was so horrified by my behavior.

“Well, I filled in your father about what happened. It seems that Levi’s and Tim’s stories matched. Keith’s seemed to be a bit more dramatic.” Principal Boockmeier pursed her lips, like she was holding in a laugh. “While I understand you were provoked, what Keith said, though unfortunate, did not warrant your response. We have a very tough policy on violence of any kind, and you did hit him. So you’ll be suspended for the rest of the week and have after-school detention for two weeks. If there are no more incidents, this will not go on your college transcripts.”

I was shocked and relieved. Thanksgiving was this week, so I was only going to miss two days. And there was a chance it wouldn’t totally mess up my record.

I quickly got up and followed Dad out of school. He stayed silent on the car ride home. I looked down at my sore, slightly red right hand.

The car stopped and Dad shut off the engine. I looked up and found us in the Culver’s parking lot.

“What …” I mumbled.

Dad turned to me, tears in his eyes. “I can’t say that was a fun call to get, Macallan. But then I heard from both Principal Boockmeier and Levi about what happened and, well … your mother was one of the sweetest people on earth. She wouldn’t have hurt a fly.”

Tears began to well up in my eyes. I’d let my father down and, worse, I’d let my mother down.

“But” – he put his hand on mine – “she would never have tolerated anybody talking crap about her family. That would not go over well. Your mother would’ve done the same thing, sweetheart. You remind me more and more of her every day, and while I might not be able to help you with everything she could, I’m so proud of you. She would’ve been, too.”

“Really?” Tears were coming out harder now.

“Of course.” Dad held on to my hand tightly. “And I know she’s looking down on you right now, probably laughing a little, and wishing she could be here with you. She’d want me to treat you to some custard for being strong and standing up for your uncle, and for yourself.”

I pictured Mom as Dad described her, and knew he was right. She’d never tolerated anybody treating Adam differently. One of the things Dad said he loved most about her when they first started dating was that she never babied Adam. She treated his younger brother like everybody else. She certainly wouldn’t have allowed anybody to speak to him, or me, that way.

“Is that a smile I’m seeing?” Dad asked.

I nodded. “You’re right. I know Mom would be proud. She’d be proud of both of us, Dad.” He seemed surprised about my confession, but I wasn’t the only person who’d lost somebody. “Let’s go get some custard.”