Текст книги "Better Off Friends"

Автор книги: Elizabeth Eulberg

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Текущая страница: 7 (всего у книги 13 страниц)

Just so we’re remembering this correctly: When you kissed me, I went home and splashed cold water on my face. When I tried to kiss you, you ran away to Ireland for the summer.

Perhaps not the best timing on my part.

Understatement of the millennium.

I had a lot of time to think about what I was running away from. I had the two-hour drive with Dad and Uncle Adam to O’Hare Airport. I had the connection in Boston. I had the long flight to Shannon Airport. And then the drive with Gran and Gramps to Dingle.

At one point I stopped thinking about what time it was back home. I only concentrated about what was waiting for me in Ireland.

Which wasn’t much of anything.

I loved seeing my grandparents, but the town of Dingle was tiny. I’d only visited my grandparents once, years ago. Mom and I had visited two summers before. We went when they still lived and worked in Limerick. Then they decided to retire and move to this quiet fishing village.

Gran got a part-time job at the tourist center while Gramps worked on a book tracing the origins of famous Irish folk songs. Gran said that was his typical Irish excuse to go to pubs at night and listen to music. I always laughed when Gran made fun of Gramps’s Irish ways, because she sounded more and more like an Irish-born person with each year.

One of my favorite things about my grandparents was their story. They’d met their first week at college in Madison. Gramps said he fell in love with her when he spotted her across the quad during orientation. He was too shy to talk to her that day. He beat himself up over it all weekend. Then he walked into his first class the following Monday and saw her sitting next to the only other empty seat in class. He went right up to her and told her he thought she was the most beautiful human being on earth. And then the teacher started class. Gramps said he could hardly breathe for the rest of the class, especially when he realized he was in the wrong classroom. But instead of excusing himself, he waited until it was done. He thought Gran was taking diligent notes, but instead she was writing him a letter since she had noticed him as well. The letter was read at their wedding, after graduation.

I felt that was how people should fall in love. Instant connection.

So Gramps and Gran stayed in the States. They had my mom. But Gramps got offered a teaching job back in Ireland when I was a baby. So they went and would visit us every summer.

Now I was visiting them. They almost didn’t know what to do with me.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t much help.

“Can I please help you with that?” I asked Gran as she readied supper.

“You sit right there. You’ve had a long trip.”

I sat down at the kitchen table. I should’ve been exhausted, but I think I was the kind of tired that made you super hyper.

“You should join me tonight at the pub to hear some real music,” Gramps said, sitting down next to me.

“James Mullarkey, you’re not taking our only grandchild to a pub on her first night in town.”

“You’re right.” He rubbed his faded ginger beard. “That’s more of a Wednesday night activity.” He winked at me.

Gran groaned. “Macallan, honey, I have tomorrow off and thought we’d go around town. I can introduce you to some of the townsfolk. We’ve been telling everybody about your visit.”

“She’d have a better chance meeting people of her generation at the pub.”

“That’s enough from you!” Gran pointed a wooden spoon at Gramps.

“Now, now.” Gramps got up and went into the kitchen to wrap his arms around Gran. It was sweet how much in love they still were after all these years. “I promise to be a good influence on our dear, young, impressionable granddaughter.” Gramps had his back to me so I could see him crossing his fingers behind his back.

“Shoot!” Gran pulled away. “I forgot to pick up some thyme at the store.”

I stood up. “I can go get it. I’d like to go for a walk – I’ve been sitting for too long.” I tried to do the math in my head of how many hours, maybe even days, I’d been awake.

It took me only a few minutes to get my bearings in town. There was basically the harbor front and Main Street. Plus, if I got lost, all I had to do was ask where Jim and Betty’s place was. It was that small a town.

Since I had some time before dinner would be finished, I decided to go down to Dingle Harbor and watch a few boats come in. I wandered in one of the tourist shops and grabbed a few postcards. Then I made my way past the colorful buildings to the small grocery store a few blocks from my grandparents’ place. I picked up the fresh thyme and waited behind an older woman who was getting in a great debate about whether or not some guy was cheating on his wife.

“I’ll help you over here,” I heard a voice call out. I went to the other register and handed the bunch of sprigs to a young guy with messy black hair. “Once you get me mum started, you’d be waiting all night.”

“Thanks.”

He smiled at me. “Ah, I didn’t think you looked familiar. American?”

“Yes.” I felt embarrassed that I could be figured out so easily. I’d only said one word.

“Tourist?” He helped me figure out which coins I needed to pay.

“Yes, well, no. Um, my grandparents live —”

Recognition lit his face. “Ah, you’re Jim and Betty’s.”

“Yes.”

“Is this Jim and Betty’s?” The woman behind the other register came over.

“Hi, I’m Macallan.” I held my hand out.

“Welcome!” The woman bypassed my hand and hugged me against her slight frame. “We’ve heard so much about you. You’re from America.”

“Yes, outside Milwaukee, in Wisconsin. It’s near Chicago.”

“Pleased to meet you. I’m Sheila O’Dwyer, and this is my son, Liam.”

“Hi.” I gave him a shy wave, which he returned with a hearty laugh.

Sheila quickly ran off to help a new customer.

“So, Macallan from outside Milwaukee, Wisconsin,” Liam said with a crooked smile.

“Sorry, I didn’t know …” I felt so stupid. I should’ve just said I was from America.

“No, ’tis fine. I love the States. Madison is the capital of Wisconsin, and Milwaukee is the biggest city. I even watch your American football sometimes. The Packers, right?”

I couldn’t help but instantly like him. A fellow Packers fan in Ireland?

I felt my cheeks get hot. Danielle kept teasing me I’d meet a boy named Seamus O’Leary McHunky, and here I was meeting a Liam my first day.

Liam enthusiastically continued. “I hope to study abroad there while at university. I’m thinking either Boston or New York City or California.” I cringed at the mention of Levi’s former home. Liam pretended to not notice. “Have you been?”

“Oh, I went to New York once when I was little. I spend a lot of time in Chicago, since it’s nearby.”

“Ah, yes, the Windy City!” Liam pointed his finger in the air. “I’d love to talk to you about America sometime. And I will have you know that I do love Ireland, especially our fair peninsula. I’d happily be your guide.”

“That would be great.”

Liam smiled at me, and I felt a flutter. “Grand.”

I found myself walking back to Gran and Gramps’s with an extra bounce in my step. After supper, I wrote out my postcards before bed and stared at the one for Levi for far too long. I never overthought things with him. But I had trouble figuring out what to say. Things had been tense before I left. At first I was mad at him for ignoring me. Then he came over and tried to kiss me. For a few seconds I thought it was a dare from one of the guys, but I could tell he was confused. So was I. I knew it would be best for us to have a break, but it still felt weird to not write him. I didn’t want things to be strained between us. If I wanted things to return to normal, I needed to start acting like everything was fine between us. And if it wasn’t, I would fake it.

Dear Levi, greetings from Dingle (insert joke here)!

I’m sure I’ll have already talked to you by the time the owls have delivered this, but I wanted you to see where I’m spending the summer. Isn’t it beautiful? Wow, jealousy really doesn’t become you. I hope things are going well with your American football practice (yes, I’ve already changed so much). I must now go back to the flat and use the lift and the loo.

As they say in An Daingean, Sláinte!

Macallan

It took me nearly an hour to figure out how to sign it. Love would’ve been too charged, and anything else would’ve felt calculated. Which was exactly how my cheers in Gaelic felt.

I gave up for the evening and let sleep take over. I had the whole summer to fret about Levi, but for now I wanted to enjoy a good night’s sleep before my sightseeing date with Liam.

It took me only a couple days in Dingle to wonder why I’d been resisting coming to visit the past few years. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to visit my grandparents, but I guess I thought it would be strange. However, it was anything but.

It was quickly becoming the best summer of my life.

I’d start every morning with a run or bike ride and witness the green sprawling landscape, the jagged mountains, and dark blue waters. I never thought my little Milwaukee suburb was a concrete jungle, but compared to this, it was Manhattan. I’d come home and make lunch for my grandparents, then either sit outside and read or go to one of the restaurants in town and help out in the kitchen. I was determined to make “proper” fish ’n’ chips for everybody when I got home. Or I’d go get some Murphy’s Ice Cream. Hence the need for the daily run.

Or I’d hang out with Liam.

And it didn’t go without notice.

“So” – Gran linked elbows with me as we went for our daily stroll – “that Liam’s a nice fella. You two seem to be getting on quite well.”

“Yeah,” I admitted. There wasn’t really much more to say beyond that. We’d hang out and have a good time. He was a nice distraction.

But I wasn’t kidding myself. Liam was cute and that accent made him even more swoon-worthy. But I also knew the last thing I needed was to complicate my life further by getting involved with another guy. I didn’t even know if he liked me that way. And if he did, it was probably because I was the mysterious new girl from a faraway land.

I couldn’t help but laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Gran asked.

“I was thinking about how different my reception in Dingle has been to when Levi first came to school.”

“How is Levi? You haven’t said much about him.” I studied Gran’s face and found the same cheekbones and eyes as Mom’s. I wondered if this was what Mom would’ve looked like if she’d had the opportunity to grow older. “Macallan?”

“Oh, he’s fine.” We walked for a few minutes in silence. I’m sure she thought I was thinking about Levi, but instead I was thinking about Mom. How much she would’ve loved being here with us. “Gran, do you think about Mom often?”

She stopped in her tracks, sadness overwhelming her delicate features. “Every minute of every day.”

“Me too,” I confessed.

“It’s important to remember her. She would’ve been so proud of you, Calley. You look more and more like her every day.” She reached up and stroked my hair. “The worst thing we could ever do is forget about her. And believe me, it gets easier every day to bring up the memories.”

I nodded. It was still hard. At first I was in shock, then angry. Anytime I thought about her, I was mad. Furious that she was taken from me. So I tried desperately to get her out of my mind. But no matter how much homework and cooking I did, she was always there. And then it became comforting to me.

Because even though she wasn’t physically there, she would always be with me.

“You know what I think we should do?” Gran asked.

“Go get ice cream at Murphy’s?”

She laughed the same laugh as Mom. “Well, of course, but I also think that every night at dinner, we should share a favorite memory of your mother. Would you like that?”

Four years ago, I would’ve hated it. Four months ago, I would’ve felt uncomfortable about it. But now, here, I was finally ready to celebrate my mother’s life with others.

“I’d like that.” I paused. “And I think Mom would really like it as well.”

She gave me a little squeeze. “Yes, she would.”

We continued walking, both of us inside our own thoughts. Although I was pretty sure I knew what occupied our minds.

There was almost a lightness to me once we started our ritual. Every night we’d tell a story, usually a funny one. Gran and Gramps would break out their old photo albums and I’d be amazed at how similar I looked to Teen Mom.

It had taken me a long time to open up to Levi about Mom. But now I found it easier to talk about her. I’d even mentioned her a few times to Liam.

“She sounds brilliant,” Liam said as he drove us around the peninsula.

“She was.” I took in the breathtaking views. It didn’t matter that I’d been there for over a month; I still hadn’t gotten used to the sheer magnitude of the beauty.

“By the way, you should’ve come last night.” Liam glanced at me. “It was great crack.”

I was stunned into silence.

He started laughing. “Oh, relax, Yank, it’s C-R-A-I-C. Craic means good fun, conversation, atmosphere. Did ya think we were doing drugs?”

“No, of course not.” Although I totally had.

“Here we are.” Liam pulled off to the side of the road. We were surrounded by lush green hills. And down below, we could make out the tiny town of Dingle.

“It’s gorgeous.”

“You haven’t seen anything yet.” Liam led me to another rocky hill, which had a small waterfall flowing into it. “What do you think?”

I started to carefully climb up the rocks. “It’s amazing. Thank you so much.”

“Well, I plan on you giving me the ultimate American tour when I come to the States.”

I turned around to say something to him when my foot missed the rock. Before I knew it, I was ankle deep in mud.

“No!” I pulled my foot out, but it was too late. My entire canvas shoe was covered.

Liam jumped up to help me back down. “Well, that won’t do.” He bent down and removed my shoe. I was horrified by my clumsiness. He went over to a shallow puddle of water and started cleaning off the mud. I could do nothing but stand there with my one foot off the ground, hoping I wouldn’t fall over from my lack of balance.

The shoe was considerably cleaner, yet it was soaking wet. We both stared at my dripping, dirty shoe, before Liam shrugged and took both his shoes off. “You know the saying, when in Dingle …”

I laughed and removed my other shoe. We explored the rest of the area in bare feet. He reached out his hand to me on a particularly steep climb.

“Thanks, Levi.”

Liam gave me a questioning look. “Levi?”

“Huh?”

“You said ‘Thanks, Levi.’ Who’s Levi?”

“Oh, I did? That’s odd.” What was odd was that I hadn’t yet mentioned Levi to Liam or vice versa. “Levi’s a friend from home.”

Liam raised his eyebrows. “A friend, huh?”

“Yes, aren’t guys and girls allowed to be friends in Ireland?”

“It depends on if you want to be friends with a girl.” He came over and put his hand on my waist. “Or if you want something more. So what do you want?”

I held my breath. I didn’t know what he was asking exactly. Did I want something more with him or something more with Levi? I clearly didn’t know the answer to either.

Part of me thought a little vacation romance might be nice, but I still hadn’t fully figured out what to do with Levi. We’d been talking more and more each week I was there. But it didn’t change the reason I was currently thousands of miles away from him. From home.

“Excuse me.” A recognizable accent broke me from my thoughts. We looked down to see a middle-aged American couple. “Would you take our picture?”

“Of course.” I hopped down and snapped their photo, grateful for the interruption.

Liam began chatting with the couple when he found out they were from Dallas. He wanted to know about everything from cowboy boots to the Cowboys and barbecue. It really was adorable how dorky he was about all things American.

Liam excused himself from the Texans when he got a call on his phone. “Brilliant!” he exclaimed. If I had learned anything in my few weeks in Ireland, it was that everything was brilliant: food, music, an idea, possibly a kiss…. It was such a better word than awesome or amazing. I was thinking of bringing it back with me as a linguistic souvenir, but when I’d tried it out on Levi when we were video chatting, he’d laughed at me. Then he did a minute or two of re-creating everything I’d said, but in an exaggerated cockney accent. I would’ve been angry if it hadn’t been hysterical.

“So, me mates are having a party at the beach,” Liam filled me in. “Shall we?”

“Only if there’ll be tons of craic,” I fired back.

He laughed. “Totally.” We headed to his car. “Not so fast, Yank.”

I groaned. “Sorry!” I always went to the driver’s side of the car there. I hadn’t gotten used to it being on the opposite side.

We headed to Clogher Strand, one of my favorite places to sit and relax. It wasn’t a beach for swimming because of the currents, but it had a gorgeous view of the Blasket Islands. I had met only a couple of Liam’s friends at that point, Conor and Michael, who referred to me simply as “the American.” I wasn’t sure if they actually knew my name. Although I was more than aware that they were familiar with my Scottish namesake.

“Liam!” Conor cried out while we made our way to the blankets they’d lined up on the sand. “And you brought the American.”

Conor handed Liam a bottle, then turned to me. “Can we tempt you?”

“I’m good.” And only fifteen, I thought.

“You Americans are so uptight about alcohol.” Conor laughed and went to sit with the other group.

“Are you okay?” Liam asked.

“Yeah.” Although I didn’t think I was.

I saw Liam grimace slightly at someone who was behind me.

“Is everything all right?” I went to turn around, but he stopped me.

“Yeah, well, no … ’Tis me ex, Siobhan.” He took a quick swig of his bottle.

I’d heard him mention Siobhan a few times. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He shrugged. “Not much to say. We dated for a year, she fancied another fella, and we broke up. ’Tis fine, except things are awkward. Mostly for me. It’s hard to be reminded that you weren’t good enough for someone, ya know?”

“I understand,” I said. “That’s sort of how I feel about Levi.”

“I thought you said you were just friends.”

“We were. Are. But then he wanted more. I don’t know.”

Liam looked around the beach. “I’m fine leaving if you want to go back to town. Let me go say bye to Conor and Michael.”

He walked off while I stood there awkwardly. Then I heard a familiar name.

“Sorry,” I interrupted a group that was near me. “Were you talking about Buggy and Floyd? I love that show.”

The guy who was talking exchanged a look with a girl with dark hair. “Um, yeah. I was saying that they’re apparently doing a Christmas special.”

“Really?” I asked excitedly. “They haven’t had any new episodes in over five years.”

The girl scowled at me. “That show is so lame. I’m only interested in it because the guy who played the younger brother is hot now.”

I smiled at her as a memory surfaced. “I know who you’re talking about. He’s hilarious! Remember the episode where Floyd got locked up in the school gym with him?” I started laughing at the memory of Levi repeatedly imitating Buggy looking into the gym window and saying, “Blimey if I knew you’d be here; you’re not really the fit type.”

“Whatever.” The black-haired girl went back to ignoring me.

Right then I recognized the feeling that was steadily growing inside me. I absolutely loved Dingle. I loved being with my grandparents. And everybody (present company excluded) had been so warm and welcoming. But this wasn’t my home. These people weren’t my friends.

Truth be told, what was really bothering me was Levi. I missed him. I’d started missing him when I was still home, while we were still in school together. I wanted him to be next to me. He would’ve loved Dingle, this beach, this beautiful view.

But he wasn’t here.

Liam approached me with a resigned smile. “Ready to go home?”

Yes, yes, I was.

Liam opened up about his relationship with Siobhan on the drive back to my grandparents’. They’d known each other since childhood and had the tight-knit group of friends you’d expect in such a tiny village. Then they decided to date. Now they didn’t even talk anymore. Liam couldn’t even be on the same beach as her.

It gave me a lot to think about. And all those thoughts revolved around Levi. I had to talk to him. To make sure that we were still friends. That we’d still be able to be in the same room together when I got home.

Fortunately, my grandparents were out, so I was able to go right to my room and dial Levi on my laptop the second I was dropped off. I did the math and knew he would, hopefully, be getting home from morning practice. My leg was shaking by the third ring.

All I kept thinking to myself was Please be home, Levi. Please be home.

The screen lit up and I saw Levi’s naked chest in front of me.

“Um, hello?” I asked, feeling my cheeks get hot at the sight of Levi’s body.

“Hey!” He adjusted the towel around his waist. “Sorry, just got out of the shower.” He walked out of view for a few seconds and returned with a T-shirt on. His hair was wet and sticking up in different directions.

“Hey, you!” I was smiling ear to ear.

“Well, hello to you!”

“Buggy and Floyd are doing a Christmas special!” I blurted.

His eyes lit up. “Are you serious? That is bloody brilliant.” He winked at me.

“Ha. Ha.” I stuck my tongue out at him.

“I see being abroad has really helped with your maturity.”

“Totally.”

He opened his mouth to say something, but then he tilted his head as if he was studying me. “Are you okay?”

It was the same question Liam had asked me not thirty minutes before. I gave him the same answer. “Yeah.”

But here was the difference between Liam and Levi: Levi knew when I was full of it.

“What’s wrong?” The genuine caring on his face almost made me cry.

“Just a little homesick,” I admitted.

I was surprised by Levi’s reaction. He smiled.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I said. “Are you enjoying my misery?”

He shook his head. “No, it’s … you always seem so happy whenever we talk, and I want you to be happy, but I also want you to get home already. I miss having someone to laugh at my lame jokes. And, well, I miss you.”

“I miss you, too.”

There was a silence between us. Not because we were uncomfortable but because we didn’t really need to say anything else. We both felt the same thing.

I finally spoke. “But, hey, I’m sure the next three weeks will fly by.”

“Actually, it’s sixteen days,” he corrected me.

“Oh, so you’re counting?” I teased.

“Duh. It’s on my calendar. Macallan returns and life officially doesn’t suck anymore.”

“So are you saying your life would suck without me? I’m assuming you’re quoting Kelly Clarkson because you miss having such a strong, independent girl like myself around.”

“Ha! Nicely played. But of course.” He paused. “Here’s the thing, we started out friends….”

I laughed. “Wait, are you now insinuating that since I’ve been gone, you can breathe for the first time?”

“Wait, no!”

I shook my head. “You really are becoming unraveled without me.”

He had that familiar crooked smile on his face. “I know. See, you go away and I can’t think straight. It’s amazing I can even get up in the morning.”

“Oh, how I miss your dramatics.”

“Nobody else appreciates them like you do.”

“I know.”

“So let me make sure I get this,” Liam said to me as we waited in line at Murphy’s to get some ice cream a couple nights later. “Your best friend is a guy. He likes you as more than just a friend. And your response was to run away to Ireland?”

“Well, when you put it that way …” I tried to joke, but I started to feel a little silly. “There was a lot more going on.”

“Ah, right.” He nodded. “He started to hang out with his guy friends.”

“And was ignoring me,” I reminded him.

I’d decided to open up to Liam about Levi. I figured nothing was going to happen between us; we both had too much baggage. So maybe it would be helpful to get an outside opinion on the subject. But unfortunately, I had a feeling he was going to take Levi’s side.

I guess bros gotta stick with bros.

We placed our orders. Liam always got Guinness and brown bread, which didn’t taste as bad as one would think. I ordered my favorite combination: sea salt and honeycomb.

After we grabbed our cones, I decided to make one last plea for my case. “And remember, I basically don’t see him for months, then we get into a fight and then he comes over and tells me he loves me. It was so out of the blue.”

Liam took a lick of his cone. “Was it really?”

My response was to be really into eating my ice cream. Which I was, but I also didn’t have a proper response.

“But you only think of him as a friend,” Liam stated, and I could tell that he didn’t believe me. “You’re not attracted to him at all?”

“No. I mean yes. I mean, he’s Levi.”

“ ‘He’s Levi’? Is that some sort of Yank expression I’m not aware of?” he teased. “So he’s your best friend. He’s a Levi, whatever that means. I don’t really see what the problem is.”

“It’s difficult.” I began to walk faster to the harbor.

“Yes, you keep reminding me of that. But here’s the thing. It doesn’t sound that difficult. You’re only making it difficult. It sounds like there’s a lot between you. Don’t be afraid to make it even more.”

I smiled tightly, not sure if I should believe him or not. So I played it lightly. “Since when did you become some sort of relationship expert?”

He looked at me amusedly. “ ’Tis common sense, really.”

I faced the harbor, which was lined up with buses bursting with tourists. “So I better go see this dolphin.”

Ever since I’d arrived in Dingle, everybody had been asking me if I’d seen Fungie, the town dolphin. There was a statue of him right next to the information center where Gran worked. I’d gotten my picture taken with the statue my first week there but hadn’t seen Fungie yet.

“It is rather shocking that you’ve been here for six weeks and haven’t gone.” Liam took out his phone and gestured at me to pose for yet another photo by the statue. “Have some pride in Dingle, will ya?”

I sulked next to the statue. “It feels a bit touristy.”

“Right. Because you’re not a tourist.” He snapped the photo. “We’ve got to make sure to get everything in over the next few days. Because you’ll be home soon. So there’s lots to do. Including a decision that needs to be made.”

He didn’t have to remind me.

The next two weeks flew by. Gran and Gramps did everything to make sure I got to see as much as I could before I left. I was almost too tired for my farewell party, but if there was one thing I’d learned during my two months in Ireland, it was that the Irish knew how to throw a good party.

My grandparents’ backyard was transformed into an impromptu music session. We hung up fairy lights around the trees to make it even more magical. Gran and Gramps’s friends, who had become like an extended family to me, started trickling into the backyard. Some of Gramps’s musician friends brought their instruments, and music soon started to fill the cool evening.

Liam arrived with his mom. “Hey, I brought you something to remember me by,” he said. He handed me a CD; the cover was the photo of me with the Fungie statue. I opened up the case and saw a listing of Irish bands he’d introduced me to during my visit. “While I love all things American, we Irish have superior music. Not like you have any Yank bands on your iTunes, you Anglophile. So it’s time you heard some proper, non-U2 Irish bands.”

“Thanks!” I gave him a hug, grateful to have had him around during my visit.

Gramps asked everybody to quiet down. “I want to thank you all for coming here to bid our favorite granddaughter good-bye.”

“Your only granddaughter,” I clarified.

There was laughter from the guests.

“But I think it would only be appropriate to send Macallan off with a parting glass.”

There were nods from their friends, who lifted up a glass. I joined them in the toast, but was unfamiliar with the song they started to play.

Gramps looked at me fondly and began to sing,

Of all the money that e’er I had,

I spent it in good company.

And all the harm that e’er I’ve done

Alas, it was to none but me.

And for all I’ve done for want of wit,

To mem’ry now I can’t recall.

Everybody joined in at this part:

So fill to me the parting glass.

Good night and joy be with you all.

Gran then joined Gramps as he wrapped his arm around her. She sang in a clear beautiful voice:

To all the comrades that e’er I had,

They’re sorry for my going away.

She smiled warmly at me.

And all the sweethearts that e’er I had,

They’d wish me one more day to stay.

But since it falls unto my lot,

That I should rise and you should not,

I’ll gently rise and softly call.

Good night and joy be with you all.

I felt tears rolling down my face. I should’ve been sad about leaving my grandparents and this wonderful place, but the tears weren’t for them.

And Liam knew it. “I’ll make it simple for you,” he said, leaning in. “If you want to be with him, be with him.”

My throat felt tight. “I can’t.”

He shook his head. Liam often teased me about making things difficult – typical American, he’d fondly call me. “I’d ask why, but you and I both know there isn’t any excuse good enough. Stop making excuses and be with him.”

I knew he was right. And it terrified me.

“Do you want to be with him?”

I didn’t think. I answered what I knew was the truth. “Yes.”

“Then be with him.” He got up and joined the group at the front singing.

Good night and joy be with you all.

I was surprised they didn’t hold me at customs since I was so shaky and nervous. As soon as I got my proper entrance stamp and baggage, I bounded for the greeting area. I ran out and didn’t have to wait more than two seconds before I heard Dad, Uncle Adam, and Levi calling out for me. I turned and saw Levi holding a huge sign: BLIMEY IF WE KNOW WHERE MACALLAN IS!

I laughed and ran up to them. There was a flurry of hugs and exchanges of “I missed you” and “You look great!” Dad and Adam took my luggage and went to get the car while Levi waited with me outside.

“I’m so glad you’re home,” he said. He wrapped his arm around me and I fell into him. We both stayed there for a while. It felt right. It had always felt right. But I’d kept telling myself that it would ruin our friendship. Never had I thought about how it could make things even better between us. I knew the average high school couple rarely made it work long-term, but there was nothing average about Levi and me.