Текст книги "Always Enough"

Автор книги: Stacy Borel

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Текущая страница: 8 (всего у книги 10 страниц)

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, digging through my purse, trying to find my cell phone.

I was so flustered when I couldn’t find it that I turned the purse upside down and spilled the contents onto the floor by the front door. On my hands and knees, I pushed everything around looking for the phone, but I could hardly see through the tears in my eyes. When my hands found what they had been looking for, I picked it up and tried pushing the buttons to call Ky, but my fingers shook so badly that I kept hitting the wrong buttons.

“FUCK!” I screamed again. I sat down on the floor with my back against the wall. I hit my head on the wall out of frustration. How did everything get so fucked up, and so quickly? I was crying so hard I couldn’t catch my breath. This couldn’t possibly be happening. Ky saw Michael kissing me, but I hadn’t kissed him back. How could he think that I would have reciprocated that kiss? I loved Ky. I fucking loved him to my core, but he’d just left.

It was exactly what I’d feared. Giving my heart to a man and then him leaving me … alone. Granted, Ky probably thought I’d been kissing Michael back, but he didn’t even give me a chance to tell him that what he saw wasn’t what was actually happening. He promised that he’d never leave me, but now he was gone. My whole body rocked with my uncontrollable sobbing.

My phone rang while it was still in my hand. My eyes flew open and hit ‘answer.’ “Kyler?”

“No, honey, it’s Em. Oh my God, Harper, you sound terrible.”

I started bawling. “I feel terrible, Em. I’m so lost right now.”

“Finn just got off the phone with Ky, he said you were with Michael. What happened, Harper? I thought you were with Ky?”

“Oh God … he really does think I kissed Michael. Fuck.” I dropped my head. “How am I going to fix this, Em?”

“Did you kiss him?”

“What? No! He came on to me. I was trying to leave so I could go to see Ky, but Michael came over and was trying to tell me that he’d fallen for me. I told him that I didn’t feel the same, and when I tried to leave, he kissed me.”

“Oh, no! And you didn’t kiss him back?”

I was getting pissed. “Jesus, Em, I just told you he came on to me. I was just about to push him off me when Ky showed up and saw us.” A whole new wave of tears hit when I remembered Kyler’s face. “He hates me, Em. He wouldn’t even stop so I could explain.”

“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. But you do you know why he was there?”

“I assume he came to see me. I haven’t spoken to him or heard from him in six days. That’s why I was going to see him.”

She cursed under her breath. “Harper … Kyler’s dad died this afternoon.”

Oh no. No no no …

“He did?” I whispered. “Oh God. I think I’ve totally fucked everything up, Em. He’s never going to give me a chance to explain. Shit, I wouldn’t give me a chance to explain.”

“You have to try, Harper. If you love him, you have to keep trying until he hears you out. But he just watched his dad die. I’m sure his emotions are a bit crazy right now, but it has to be worth a try.”

I took a few deep breaths and tried to collect my thoughts. “I’m not even sure where he is right now.”

“Finn said he’s at the bar. But, Harper, he didn’t sound too good. He hung up on Finn.”

“Not good. Okay, I’ll go try there first. If Finn hears from him, please let me know.”

“I will. I love you, Harper, and I believe everything will work out.”

“Love you, too.”

I hung up and got up off the floor. The mirror that hung above the entry table showed a reflection of a woman who was a complete wreck. My hair stuck to my tear stained cheeks, I had mascara smeared down my face, and my eyes were puffy and red. I went to the bathroom and wet a washcloth and wiped under my eyes.

On my way out of the house I grabbed a coat. The air held more than just a fall chill, and I felt it all the way to my core. Shivering, I got in my car, cranked up the heat, and sped down the road to the one bar I knew Ky would have visited. It had been two hours since he left the house, and I was worried what state he was going to be in when I found him. He’d had enough time to get good and drunk. If he was, I didn’t know how I was going to get him to listen to me, or how I was going to get him to leave the bar. If anybody was as stubborn as I was, it was Kyler.

Sure enough, as I pulled into the parking lot I saw his rental, parked in the handicapped spot. My hands shook as I turned off the engine. I could do this. I had to do this. I would make him listen to me. I wanted to know about his dad, and what I could do to help him through it. But I also wanted to tell him that Michael meant nothing to me. He never had. He had to listen to me. And if he got up to leave? Well, I’d just have to hope I could find some way to stop him. Even if that meant jumping on his back … he would listen to me.

I walked into the dark and dingy bar. The place reeked of stale cigarette smoke. For a small establishment, there were quite a few people there. Off to the left was a small wooden dance floor and a jukebox. Old country music came from the speakers and, in the center of the room, was the bar. Several bartenders were working, passing out beers and keeping up with their patrons. Ky wasn’t sitting on any of the barstools, so I kept searching. Multiple long tables filled the rest of the space and they were all full. One table in particular caught my eye. A large group of females were hanging around it, and they were shouting for more beer and shots. It was probably just a bachelorette party, although I had no idea why anybody would have one in this particular bar when there were better ones down the road.

When a few of the girls shifted around the table, my breath caught in my throat and my stomach churned. Kyler sat at the head of the table, a girl in his lap. Either side of him were more girls, looking like they were arguing over who got to sit next to him. I swallowed the vomit that threatened to come up. I hadn’t made the conscious decision to move towards him, but my body betrayed me anyway.

The girl in his lap practically had her tits shoved in his face, and his hand rested high up on her bare thigh. Her skirt was so short I could practically see her thong. I wanted to rip her synthetic extensions from her head for touching what was mine. Her too-long fingernails trailed down Ky’s neck and traveled into his shirt so that she was rubbing his chest. I snapped.

Marching up to them, I shoved the girl in Ky’s lap, hard. She fell off of him and onto her ass with a thud.

“Hey!” she whined. If her ass wasn’t showing before, it sure was now.

Ky looked down at her and laughed. Then he looked over at me and I saw that his eyes were glassy—he was completely blitzed. I realized then that I wouldn’t be having any special one-on-ones with him tonight. He’d need to be sober, or whatever I said tonight would go in one ear and then … well just get fucking lost.

“Hey, Harper, how you doin’, baby?” he slurred.

“What the fuck, Ky? Your dad just died, and you’re in here getting drunk.” That comment obviously penetrated the drunken stupor, because he winced. “Let’s go, I’m taking you home.”

I went to reach for him, but he jerked away.

“Don’t touch me. You’re nothing but a cheating bitch.”

Okay, I’d give him one shot because he was hurting, but I wouldn’t tolerate him being an ass like this.

“I didn’t cheat, Kyler. Now please, let’s just go back to my house and I’ll help you sober up, and then we can go to your parents’ place.”

“Fuck you, Harper,” he spat. “You’ve been lying to me from the start, haven’t you? I bet you’ve been sneaking around with Michael, fucking him anytime I wasn’t looking.” He got up from the table and stumbled when he tried to take a step toward me. “Did you like him being inside of you? Did you scream his name like you screamed mine?”

Ky had never been so ugly toward me. The fact that I was just standing there, letting him talk to me like that was insane. So why was I? He clearly didn’t believe me. Or was he so drunk that he was willing to say anything to hurt me? And yet he continued his rant.

He leaned in close, putting his face in mine. The entire bar had stopped what they were doing to watch us. “I bet the dickhead loved it when you scratched your nails down his back. He did, didn’t he?” He looked like he was done, but then he threw in one more comment for good measure.

“Get the fuck out of here, Harper. I don’t ever want to see you again. Take yourself, and your daddy issues, and get out of here. You’re nothing to me.”

I allowed one solitary tear to fall down my face. I stared into his eyes, and nodded my head. Pressing my lips together, I brought my open palm across his face. I slapped him so hard that the sting almost made my hand go numb. I watched him reach up to rub his cheek, before spinning on my heels and walking out of the bar.

I waited until I was outside before I bent at the waist and emptied the contents of my stomach all over the asphalt. He’d been so cruel to me that my mind wouldn’t even allow me to process his words. They just kept replaying in my mind.

“You’re nothing to me …”

I wretched again … and again … and again. Finally, when I felt like I had nothing else in my stomach, I stood up and staggered to my car. Once inside, I sat staring at the door to the bar. Deep down I didn’t know why I couldn’t leave-some sort of misplaced fantasy that Kyler would realize his mistake and come chasing after me, or the fact that if I left, it would mean we were really over.

Eventually I started my car and pulled out of the parking lot. Making my way home, I made a decision. My heart was shattered and I needed some time to think about things. When I got home, I went inside and packed a suitcase with enough clothes to last a week. I could wash everything and re-wear it where I was going. I got on my phone and sent out an email to everyone at work letting them know that I would be gone for two weeks and any work would need to be delegated out. I wouldn’t have cell reception so I wouldn’t be able to answer any emails or calls.

I considered calling Em and telling her what had happened, but I didn’t want to repeat the words that Ky had said to me. She would just have to wait until I got back. After making the necessary arrangements, I loaded up my car, and took off.

Jesus, my head was pounding. Peeling one eye open, the light from the gray sky nearly blinded me. Groaning, I tried to roll over but I couldn’t. What the fuck … why did I have such a bad kink in my neck? I pried my other eye open to take in my surroundings and noted I was staring straight at my dashboard. Scrubbing my hand down my face, I realized I’d slept in my car, but what I didn’t know was why?

I slowly pushed myself up until I was in a seated position and could look outside. I was parked outside one of the local dives but although I vaguely remembered getting there, everything after that was a blur. Shit in a hand basket, I was never drinking that much again. In fact, why had I drank that much? And what time was it?

I slipped my hand in my pocket and pulled out my phone. It was just after ten in the morning, and I had several missed calls and multiple text messages from Finn, Em, and my mom.

Oh shit.

That was when the day before hit me. My dad was dead … that’s why I’d been at the bar. I rested my head on the steering wheel and replayed yesterday’s events in my mind. My Dad was gone, and I was lost. I’d wanted to go to Harper. I drove to her house … Michael. I leaned forward, swallowing the bile that rose in my throat at the memory.

I remembered Michael being there … and walking in on them. God, my life was a fucking mess. My stomach roiled when I remembered them kissing. The image was hazy, but I could still see it. I shook my head. I needed to start the car and warm it up because it felt like an icebox. Then I needed to head home and take care of my mother. I knew I’d left her at the absolute worst time, but I was literally losing it, and I’d needed to get out of that house. I just couldn’t be where my Dad was just at and wouldn’t be any longer.

While the car was warming up, I listened to the first few voicemails. They were from my mom—she was calling to find out where I was. She was worried because she hadn’t heard from me, and she needed help making some decisions for the funeral. The next message was from Finn telling me that he was in town, and would be coming over after he got settled in at a hotel. I wondered why he was staying in a hotel when he could have just come to stay at the house with us. It wasn’t like he hadn’t lived there throughout high school. I bet it was probably weird for him to be there, knowing what was going on. Shit, if I could’ve stayed in a hotel, I would have too.

I listened to the rest of the messages, each one making me a little bit more anxious. I felt terrible for worrying my mom when she had so much going on. She’d just lost the love of her life, and then her son skipped out on her. Needing to get moving, I put the car in drive and started making my way home. I called my mom to tell her I was on my way home, and that I was sorry for leaving. Then I called Finn to ask if he needed a ride from the hotel to the house. He sounded pissed off at me, which I could only assume was because I hadn’t been answering my phone, but he wanted me to swing by and get him anyway.

At Finn’s hotel, I put the car in park and sat outside, checking my texts before he arrived. My eyebrows furrowed when I saw a message from Em, asking where Harper was. How in the hell would I know? She was her best friend, not mine. But the one that really didn’t sit right was one from Harper.

Harper: I’m sorry about your dad

I hadn’t told her about my dad, so how did she know? I figured someone in town must have told her, or maybe Em had. But then that didn’t explain why Em wanted to know where Harper was. I closed my phone, not wanting to think about her right now.

My passenger-side door opened, and a very grumpy looking Finn got in and buckled his seatbelt.

“Hey, you know you could have stayed at the house. You didn’t have to come get a room.”

“I know, but I figured you’d want some time with your mom. Besides …” He paused and took a deep breath. “Not to sound like an ass or anything, but all the death and funeral stuff brings back too many memories. But I’ll be there when you need me.”

I’d been so wrapped up with shit that I didn’t even think about Finn losing his parents.

“You’re right, man. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, I’m here for you. I’m really sorry about your dad, Ky. I know how close you two were.”

We started making our way to the house.

“Thanks. I just don’t know how I’m going to come to terms with the fact that he’s not here anymore, you know? I mean, how am I going to feel when I want to pick up the phone and call him to ask for advice? Or what about when I finally decide to get married or have kids, and he’s not here anymore and he won’t know about any of it. It just … hurts.”

I felt that aching lump in my throat build. I wanted to cry. It wasn’t the right time. I kept my eyes on the road, staring straight ahead.

Finn just nodded his response. Nothing else needed to be said. He knew exactly what I was feeling and what I was going through, and for that alone, I was happy he was there. If anybody could help me through this, it was him. Although I would have really loved for it to have been Harper. Christ Almighty, would I ever stop thinking about her?

Wanting to talk about something positive, I asked, “So how’s the kiddo doing? You getting any sleep?”

Finn chuckled. “We’re getting a decent amount of rest. Allie actually sleeps like a champ, which I’m thankful for. Em is already a paranoid mom, cleaning everything and jumping up every time she hears her moving. I can’t imagine how batshit crazy she’d be if she was losing sleep too.”

I laughed. “Boy, you make parenthood sound so … appealing.”

“Nah, it’s still pretty awesome. She’s starting to turn her head when she hears my voice, and she makes a cute face when she’s stretching. I never thought it would be like this, but I love it.”

“I’m happy for you, Finn.”

He clapped me on the back. “It’ll be you someday, man. Just you wait.”

“Probably not anytime soon.”

We pulled up to the house. Most of the cars were gone, but my Mom’s best friend was still there. Thank God, at least she hadn’t been completely alone. We sat in the car for a few more minutes.

“Speaking of which … what’s going on with you and Harper? Em’s getting a little panicked because she hasn’t been able to get a hold of her.”

“Actually, I got a text from Em asking if I knew where Harper was. But I can tell you that not only do I not know where Harper is, I couldn’t care less either.”

“Care to explain that one?”

“I walked in on her and Michael … kissing.” I felt the anger bubbling as I said the words.

He shook his head. “Let me ask you something. Have you even bothered to talk to Harper about what you think you saw?”

“What I think I saw? I know what I fucking saw, Finn. She didn’t even say anything when I caught them … she just looked guilty. I see no reason to talk to her about it. I don’t want to fucking know.”

He was giving me a face that I didn’t quite understand. “You’re a dumbass, man. If you’d even bothered to try talking to her, you would know that that’s not what happened at all. When she talked to Em yesterday Harper said Michael kissed her, but she didn’t kiss him back.”

I sat there dumbstruck. I hadn’t even thought about that as a possibility. Could I have been wrong? When I thought back on it, Harper’s back was to me. His arms were around her, but her arms were down by her side … oh fuck! Had I made a mistake and seen something that wasn’t really there? I mean, the stress that I’d been through this last week had turned me upside-down.

“Oh, shit. I think I’ve made a mistake.” I scrubbed my hands down my face.

“Yep.”

I needed to fix this, and fast. I needed to pay Michael a little visit to see what he had to say, and then I needed to go find my girl.

I looked over at Finn. “Hey, do you think you can go in and spend some time with Mom? I need to go take care of things and I don’t know how long I’ll be.”

“Yeah man, go ahead. I’ll play interference. You better find her though, and I suggest you crawl and beg for her forgiveness. Harper isn’t going to forgive so easily on this one.”

“Call me if you need anything.”

He was right. He got out of the car and walked into the house. I started the car again and made my way over to Michael’s office. This was going to be a load of fun.

Michael’s office was on the other side of town. When I got there, his car was the only one in the parking lot. It was almost midday so I assumed everyone must be out getting lunch. When I walked inside, I saw a desk off to my right with a door right behind it. The sign on the door read “Michael Brandt”. I barged in, not even bothering to knock. Michael sat behind a large desk, working on his computer.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He leaned back in his chair with a surprised expression.

“We need to talk.” I ground out.

“If this is about Harper, you can turn around and get in your fucking car.”

“I want to know what in the hell is going on between the two of you. And I suggest you chose your words carefully, Brandt.”

His nostrils flared and he glared at me from across his desk. “There isn’t a fuckin’ thing going on between us, but that isn’t from my lack of trying. So if you’re here to gloat, I suggest you get out of my office, we have nothing to talk about. She chose you … for now.”

“What do you mean, she chose me? I want to know what in the hell I saw yesterday. You had your damn mouth on my girl. Start talking.”

He glared at me. “The only thing you need to know is that I love her, and that’s not going to stop. So help me, Kyler, if you break her heart, I will be there to pick the pieces. I don’t give a shit how you may or may not still feel about her.”

I took a menacing step towards him. “The only heart that’s going to be broken here is yours. She’s my girl, and I came here to make it perfectly clear to you that you are never to set foot near her again, understand me? You are not to be within one hundred yards of her, breathing her same air, or contacting her in any way, shape, or form. If it happens, I will be making a trip back here to rearrange your face.”

“Whatever, asshole. You’re the one that walked out on her yesterday. If you were dumb enough to believe that she doesn’t want you, then you don’t deserve her.”

My hands curled into fists at my sides. “Watch it, Michael. At this point, I couldn’t give two shits about any friendship we used to have.” I turned to walk out the door. “And you’re right about one thing. I don’t deserve her, but I’ll do everything I can to make her believe that I do.”

I turned and walked out, slamming the door behind me. Holy shit, I’d made a mistake. Harper never wanted Michael—I’d jumped to the wrong conclusion.

I rushed over to her house, but her car wasn’t in the driveway. Of course she wouldn’t be there, you idiot, she works during the week. I pulled out my cell phone and dialed her office. The receptionist answered on the first ring.

“Harper Graham Realty, how may I direct your call?”

“Hi, I need to speak with Ms. Graham.” I figured I should make myself sound like a client. What if she’d told them not to speak to me?

“Oh, I’m sorry, sir, she’s going to be out of the office for the next two weeks and can’t be reached. I can direct you to another salesperson if you’d like?”

My stomach dropped. She was gone? For the next two weeks? Where on earth was she?

“Do you have any idea where I can find her? It’s an emergency.”

She sounded skeptical when she said, “Sir, I’m not allowed to give you that information, but as it turns out, she didn’t tell us where she was going. Like I said, I can transfer you to someone else if this is a business related call.”

“Uh, no, that’s okay.” I hung up on her.

I looked at the front of the house and shook my head. She was gone, and nobody knew where she was. My dad was dead, and my girl was gone. Life just went from shit to having absolutely nothing to live for.

Years ago, when I was a kid, my mom took me to a very small town northwest of Mountain Home called Salmon, Idaho. I never forgot how magical it felt. It was a little place surrounded by mountains and natural hot springs. Even as a child, I could appreciate the beautiful pinks and purples that illuminated the mountains when the sun set. I’d never been anywhere that I loved more. As it turned out, my grandmother owned a small cabin on a private lake up there. When she died, instead of leaving it to my mom, she left the property to me. I was only ten years old when I inherited the cabin, but it was something that I treasured. It was also a place that I’d kept secret from everyone—including Emilyn. Nobody else knew about my private oasis except for the lawyer and my mother, and that was only because they’d signed the papers on my behalf.

As soon as I rolled into Salmon, I stopped at the grocery store and bought some essentials to help me make it through the week. When everything was packed up, I made the twenty minute drive up the mountain. When I rounded the corner and saw the cabin in front of the lake, I sighed with relief. I’d been driving for several hours and hadn’t slept since the night before so I was exhausted. First thing on the agenda, unpack groceries. Second thing, sleep.

The cabin was exactly as I’d remembered it. I grabbed all of my bags and went inside. The windows were closed up, and it smelled musty—not to mention it was freezing. Winter was fast approaching, and up here in the mountains I would likely see some snow before I went back home. I put the groceries down and found the bag that held the firelogs and matches. Getting the fire started turned out to be pretty simple. I hadn’t really spent too much time up here during the winter months and I had been slightly nervous that I wouldn’t be able to get the fire going. But I managed fine and mentally patted myself on the back.

After the groceries were unpacked, and new bedding put on the bed, I slid in between the freezing cold sheets and quickly fell asleep, but not before my mind replayed Kyler’s harsh words … You’re nothing to me.