Текст книги "Always Enough"

Автор книги: Stacy Borel

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Текущая страница: 7 (всего у книги 10 страниц)

The night that Ky pissed me off, I got rip-roaring drunk, then took the next day off to sleep off the colossal hangover. It’d been two weeks since I’d spoken to him, but that didn’t mean that he hadn’t tried to talk to me. I’d thrown myself into my work and taken on more clients than I would normally would. It ended up making for an extremely overextended workday. I’d wake up at five in the morning and head to my office. Then I’d leave the office because Ky had delivery people dropping off random things throughout the day. I’d had flower deliveries, which made the place smell like a funeral home, singing telegrams, balloons, even an open-ended plane ticket. It was so ridiculous that I felt I needed to give my employees a pay raise just because they had to deal with his shit. And yet, I still couldn’t talk to him. I knew I was overreacting, but I’d let the argument get to a point where I wasn’t even sure how to end it.

Then on a Wednesday morning, I was called out to a house in the same subdivision that Finn had bought and sold his home. I had a sign in the front yard which had my name and contact number, and I guess the person wanted to see it immediately. It just so happened that I had a rare free moment, so I went out to see if I could close the sale.

When I pulled into the driveway, there was a Chrysler already parked, but no one was in the car.

Okay …

Maybe they were out looking around the back? I got out of my car and walked to the front door to open it, and went in to turn on all the lights in the house. Just as I set my phone and keys down, someone came up behind me and wrapped their arms around me.

I did what any woman who’d just been startled would do—I brought my elbow back with as much force as I could, hitting the person, clearly a man judging by the solid body that I connected with, in the stomach. Then I picked up my foot and brought the point of my heel down on his foot. I quickly turned around and shoved my knee up into his groin, before taking off out the door. I made it to the doorway when I heard a raspy voice call out my name.

“Harper, wait.”

I stopped, then slowly turned around. Kyler was lying on the ground holding himself, his face masked with pain.

“Ky?”

“Fuck, woman, I think you broke me,” he groaned. “Yep … gonna puke.”

“Jesus Christ, Ky, you scared me to death! I thought you were like those crazy people you see on TV who trap realtors, then kill them.”

“You paint a vivid picture. Glad to know you’re able to take care of yourself when you come in contact with one of those crazy people,” he said from the floor. “Are you going to just stand there, or are you going to come help me up?”

“Oh, shut up,” I said, while I moved toward him. “I’m trying to calm down my racing heart here. I couldn’t give two shits about your balls at the moment.”

“Nice. Would you at least rub them? They need to know you still love them.”

He slowly got up from the floor, using a hand to lean on the counter. He looked a little pale and his forehead glistened with sweat. Even though I felt bad for dropping him to the ground, it was a satisfying to know I would have been able to get away if I’d needed to. I quietly high-fived myself.

Rolling my eyes I said, “Well, I don’t love your boys at the moment. What are you doing here? And why didn’t you just come to my house?”

He stared at me like I was dumb. “You honestly think if I’d gone to your house, you would have opened the door for me? Shit, Harper, you won’t even talk to me.”

He was right—I would have ignored him.

“Aren’t you supposed to be on tour still?”

“Yeah, but Anders came down with laryngitis and the doc said that he had to rest his vocals. It could end up taking a month, so we cancelled the last few cities. The band will make them up on their next tour,” he said, shrugging his shoulders.

“Oh,” was all I could say.

“Harper … I’ve missed you. And, well … I’m really fucking sorry. I sort of lost it with the whole Michael situation. I should never have suggested that you would run straight to him after you’d just been with me. This silence is killing me, though. I’m going out of my mind. Please, Harper, please.”

The poor man looked defeated. Even though Ky was still as handsome as ever, he looked tired. He had bags under his eyes, his normally messy and spiky hair was flat, and if I didn’t know any better, I’d say he hadn’t showered in a few days.

His words broke through the wall that I’d put up. It was what had prevented me from talking to him the past few weeks. Have you ever had something happen that hurt you and as time went on, you knew you were ready to forgive, but it was so far gone that you didn’t know how to fix it? That was me. But he’d just made it easy for me to run into his arms and forgive him, which was exactly what I did.

“Ky.” I whispered his name.

He opened his arms to me and I rushed to him. My body collided with his, and he enfolded me with his strong arms and held me tight. I don’t know how long we stood there like that, and it didn’t matter. Time didn’t matter. Ky was home, and I needed to never be away from him again.

My words came out muffled because my face was tucked in to his arm, “So what now?”

“Now we pick up where we left off in New York.”

I tipped my head back to look at him. “Did you like, drive around the neighborhood or something until you found a house that I was selling?” I laughed.

He melted me with his brown eyes. “No, I want you to show me this house because I think I want to buy it.”

My mouth dropped open.

“You mean you’re moving back now? I thought you’d go back to Los Angeles for a little bit first.”

He shook his head. “No, there’s no reason for me to be there right now. I have you here, and my parents are here. Plus, I told you, I need to be by my dad right now.”

I nodded, understanding. Taking his hand, I showed Ky around the house and he loved it. I told him I’d draw up the paperwork with the builder and get the process started straight away. In the meantime, I knew that I didn’t want him staying at a hotel—or his parents’ house—when I could have him with me. It seemed selfish, but I missed him.

“Are you going to go stay with your parents?”

“I thought about it, but I was going to ask you if you minded me crashing at your place for a bit?” Ky said, leaning against the wall in the hallway.

He gave me a devilish smile and it made me shiver. Ky living in my house? The possibilities were endless.

“I don’t think that will be a problem.”

He barked out a laugh and put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me to him.

“In all seriousness, though, my boys could use a good stroking. I’m worried they’re broken.”

Rolling my eyes, I laughed and elbowed him again.

“Shut up.”

I had no idea if showing up at the house would work. I was glad it had though. My girl was back with me—no more moping around like a sad heartbroken chick. If Anders hadn’t got laryngitis, I think the boys would have staged an intervention to make sure my man card was still intact … then kicked my ass off the tour. I would never have pegged myself for being a fool in love, but I guess I was.

Harper and I went back to her place, and I put my stuff in her bedroom before taking a shower. Fuck, I smelled bad. While I washed the stench off me, Harper made some calls about the house, and got the paperwork ready to go. Hopefully it wouldn’t take too long—I was hoping I could close the house in thirty days or less. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to stay with my girl as long as I could, but I also didn’t want to wear out my welcome. We were still a fairly new couple, trying to figure each other out. It didn’t matter that we had known each other for years, or that we’d already dated. This was more serious than what we’d had before, and I didn’t want to fuck it up in the first month because I was all up in her space.

When I got out of the shower, I toweled off and grabbed my phone off her dresser. I needed to call my parents and tell them that not only was I in town, but that I was home for good. I’d planned on going over there after I satisfied my libido. Oh, who was I kidding? As long as the sex goddess was in the other room that was never going to happen.

I dialed my parents’ house and my mom picked up on the third ring.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Ma, how are you and Dad doing?”

“Hey, baby boy. Oh … it’s going.” She sounded tired.

“That’s good, I guess. Hopefully I can cheer you up a bit when I give you my good news.”

“I could use some cheering up, hit me.”

“I’m back home, Ma. As in, home for good.”

I expected her to be happy, but what I got was my mother bursting out in tears.

“Ma, what’s the matter?”

“I’m just so happy, baby. Your dad isn’t doing well, and the doctors have been talking about putting him on hospice care.” She was sobbing now.

I had to hold back my own tears. Hospice? Wasn’t that what they did when you were on your last legs? I remembered when they’d put my grandma in a hospice, and my parents talked about it being only to keep her comfortable until she passed away. There was no way my dad was that bad. Last time I was home, he was still doing okay.

“Ma, I need you to tell me everything the doctor said.”

She started from when I was last home, up until his last doctor’s appointment. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it—how could my Dad’s cancer have spread from his pancreas to his lymph nodes, then to his lungs.

“I’ll be heading to the house shortly, okay?”

We hung up and I sat on the bed with my head hanging down, still not dressed. How was I going to fix this? I could get a second opinion, but I already had one of Idaho’s best doctors on his case. My dad was sick, and there was nothing else I could do. I didn’t think that I’d be able to come to terms with that, but I had to do everything I could to hold it together for my mom’s sake. I had to be her rock. They’d been married for thirty-five years. They were high school sweethearts, and he was all my mother knew. She was going to need me.

Harper came in the room and saw me sitting on the bed, lost in my own thoughts.

“Hey, handsome. What do you want to do now? We could order in pizza, and sit naked in the living room, then have each other for dessert? Or we could …”

She trailed off when she noticed my mood.

“What’s going on, Kyler?”

My voice cracked, “It’s my Dad. He’s worse.”

Her soft hand stroked my back and she laid her head on my shoulder.

“Shit. Is there anything I can do?”

I shook my head. “I’m going to get dressed and head out to my parents’ place in a few minutes.”

“Okay. Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, I think I need to go by myself. My mom is falling apart and I need to go be with her for a bit.”

I knew she would be hurt that I’d pushed her away, but I hoped she understood.

“Alright, well do you want me to order some food and you can just reheat it when you’re hungry?”

“Actually, I’m not sure if I’m going to be back tonight. I don’t know what I’m going to find when I get over there.”

“Okay, well just know that I’m here. Will you text me later?”

“Yeah.”

I was being a dick, but Harper’s feelings weren’t at the forefront of my mind right now. I got up and finished getting dressed, then headed out the door.

The text from Kyler never came later that evening. In fact it didn’t come the following morning, or the next day. Before I knew it, three days had passed and I hadn’t heard a single word from him. On the second day, I’d texted him to see if he was doing okay and asked if there was anything I could do, but he never replied. To say I was worried was an understatement. It wasn’t like him to just ignore me or not talk to me at all. If there was one thing that I loved about Ky, it was his attentive side. He never hesitated to go above and beyond to make sure that everyone around him was happy.

I was desperate to talk to him, but every time I started to write him another text, I’d delete it. Or I’d pick up the phone and find his name, but end the call before it connected. Ky needed space. He needed time to take care of his family without me hovering over him or being needy. If he wasn’t going to ask for my help with anything, then space is what I’d give him.

When five days had passed and I was still alone with no word from Ky, I was lost. The space meant I got to sit quietly, running through scenarios in my own head, and making up what on earth was going on. The questions were endless. Would Ky realize that he didn’t need me anymore? Would he find comfort and solace elsewhere? Yeah, space could suck it. I wanted to know how he was doing.

On the morning of the sixth day, I decided to go to his parents’ house and pretty much force myself on him. When people are hurting, they never ask for help because they think they can do everything themselves. I’d been a dumbass in ‘staying out of the way’ because I was too scared to step in and help him. Well, not anymore. I loved him and I would show him that I could be strong for him while he was being strong for his mom.

For the first time in almost a week, I had some pep in my step. I was happy that I had a plan and that I no longer felt out of control. The day was a busy one, so I didn’t have too much time to sit and dwell on things. I sat in my office making phone calls with contractors, new clients, and sorted through some deals that would close soon. By the time six o’clock rolled around, the office was pretty much empty, besides the cleaning lady.

Closing my computer, I grabbed my purse out of my desk drawer and went out to my car. On the drive home, I took a quick detour past the Lewis residence just to see if Ky was even there. Nothing would be worse than hyping myself up to see him, only to find he wasn’t even there. Okay, and to be honest, I was also trying to talk myself out of it, but I had to be strong.

I was a bit shocked when I drove by the house. There were cars parked all over in the driveway and several more around the house on the side of the street. What in the hell was going on? I assumed it was hospice workers making a house call, and that was the reason for all the vehicles. It was getting darker outside and I couldn’t really tell what was going on inside the house as I slowly drove by and tried to peek. Honestly, I felt a bit like a stalker. After I passed, I sped up and started the trek home.

My mind had been so clouded with how the evening could possibly play out that I didn’t even notice the other car in my driveway. It wasn’t until I got up to my door and turned the key in the lock that I heard Michael call my name from behind me.

“Harper, are you okay?”

My arms flew up in the air and I dropped my keys and purse on the ground. Clutching my chest, I said, “Jesus, Michael, what on earth are you doing here? You scared the shit out of me.”

“You didn’t see me parked in your driveway? I tried calling your name, but you were walking up to your door like a total zombie. What’s going on?” He sounded concerned.

God, how had I been that zoned out that I hadn’t noticed him?

“I’m sorry. I guess I just have a lot on my mind,” I told him.

He nodded his head, then bent down to help me pick up my things. When we stood back up, he handed them to me and started shuffling his feet. He was nervous, although I had no idea why.

“Uh, listen, I don’t mean to be rude here, Michael, but I have somewhere I need to be. I was just stopping at home so I could change real quick.”

He dragged his hands through his hair.

“Well, I was wondering if I could have a minute so we could talk?”

I desperately wanted to ask him to do this another night, but I’d acted like such a jerk the last time we were together, I felt like I owed it to him to give a little bit of time.

“Okay, come in.”

He followed me into the house and I went straight to my room to change. When I came back out, Michael was sitting on the living room couch. Before I sat down, I asked him if I could get him something to drink, but he told me no. When I was sat on the couch next to him, he looked over at me.

“I miss you, Harper.”

Okay, that was not what I’d been expecting him to say.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been around much over the last week, but I’ve had a lot going on and—”

“No, you’re not following me. I mean I miss being with you.”

I sat there in silence, unsure of what to say. I was about to speak when he reached over and grabbed my hand. I wanted to pull away from him, but instead I placed my hand over the top of his.

“Michael, I never meant to give you the impression that our, umm … get-togethers … were anything more than just … well, just sex.”

“I knew you say that, but you can’t possibly mean it. We were good together, Harper. There’s no way that you didn’t feel anything when you were with me.” He clutched my hand tighter as if to try and make me feel what he was feeling.

I looked down at our joined hands. How was I going to let him down easy, and get him out of my house so I could go and be with the man that I really wanted?

“You’re right, I can’t say that I didn’t feel anything, but I didn’t feel what you’re feeling. You’re my friend.” I paused to take a breath. “A friend that I thought I had a mutual understanding with. I thought what we had was a give and a take, but it was never going to go beyond that.”

“Maybe it was at first, but it stopped being that way for me a long time ago. If it was just sex, Harper, I wouldn’t have taken you out to dinner or anywhere else. I would have just come over, fucked you, and been done with it.”

He was right. How was it that I’d never noticed the signs? I’d been leading him on the whole time and I hadn’t even realized it. And the ‘World’s Biggest Bitch’ award goes to …

“I’m so sorry, Michael. I didn’t realize. But we can’t be anything more. I love Kyler. I think it’s always been him.”

“And where is your precious Ky now?” he sneered.

“Not that I owe you any explanation, but he’s at his parents’ house. His dad’s health has been declining and he’s been over there dealing with all of that. Speaking of which, I need to go so I can be with him.”

I started to get up but he pushed me back down.

“Michael, I’m serious, I don’t have time for this. I didn’t mean to string you along, but I really need to go.”

I stood up and started to walk towards the door, but he wasn’t going to take no for answer. He grabbed me by my upper arm, spinning me around so I was facing him. At first I saw sadness in his eyes, but that was quickly overshadowed by determination. I knew what was happening but wasn’t fast enough to stop it. He brought his mouth down on mine and kissed me.

I stood there, completely shocked that he had forced himself on me, when he knew I didn’t want this. My mouth stayed still, not kissing him back. He tried to get me to open my mouth. I felt his tongue on my lips, but I didn’t budge. I started to protest and I felt his arms wrap around me to hold me in place. That’s when I heard my front door open. I tore mouth away and I turned around to see who it was.

Kyler was standing there.

His eyes were red-rimmed, and his face was full of anger. I hadn’t seen him in so long, and the shock of seeing him standing in my doorway caused a gasp to escape my lips.

“Kyler.”

He looked from my face to Michael’s, then back to mine again. I started to take a step towards him, but the ice in his eyes stopped me in my tracks. He curled his lip, and then spoke. “I guess I’m interrupting something.”

I shook my head but he wouldn’t listen. “Don’t try to contact me again, Harper. I don’t want to see you.”

He turned around and walked out. I moved to follow Kyler, and Michael tried to stop me, but I wasn’t having it. When he grabbed my arm, I brought my hand back and swung it around. It connected with his face with a loud slap. I couldn’t stand looking at him any longer. Any friendship we may have had was destroyed.

“Get the fuck out of my house!” I shouted at him.

I ran outside but Ky was already gone. I sank into the front lawn and cried.

My Dad died today.

When I’d showed up at my parents’ house the first day back home, I couldn’t believe my eyes. My Dad looked so sick. His eyes were bloodshot and sunken. He had age-spots all over his body, and his normal ‘spark’ was just … gone. The life was practically drained from his body. He was barely holding on, fighting for every breath he took. He lay in a hospital beds bed in the middle of the living room, too weak to make the trip upstairs anymore. There were machines beeping, and he had an IV hooked up to his arm. A catheter ran beside the bed. My Dad was gone, and I had no idea what to do. I wanted to fix it or even take his place. Dad was really quiet when I first arrived, but he gave the briefest hint of a smile before closing his eyes and falling asleep.

My Mom was a fucking basket case. She was doing everything she could to hold herself together in front of my Dad, but when she wasn’t around him … Jesus! I had to pry her off the floor too many times to count. Her tears were never-ending. I had to sit her down at the table and force-feed her because she was too depressed to eat. I had to act the parent, because she’d reverted to childlike behavior.

I was so exhausted that I couldn’t remember if I’d showered or brushed my teeth. In fact, I couldn’t remember if I’d even changed my clothes. It didn’t matter though. I’d push through any of the exhaustion to take care of my parents. They needed me. There had never been a moment in my life when they weren’t there for me. It was time I did the same for them.

Then there was Harper. I felt like such an asshole for not texting or calling her, but I just had too many other things going on. I knew that she could—and would—help me out without question, but I never made the call. The days just blended together.

The moment my Dad took his last breath, I thought of Harper. I missed her—I needed her. I wanted to be with her, breathing the same air.

When my Dad’s life was finally over, I realized that I only wanted a life with Harper. I’d always wanted a life with Harper, but I wanted to live out the rest of my days with her until I drew my last breath.

The house was full of neighbors, the pastor, and my mom’s friends. I figured she’d be okay for a little bit while I went to see Harper. The whole drive over to her house, all I wanted to do was bury my face in her hair and feel her. She’d help me feel grounded.

When I pulled into her driveway, I saw Michael’s car. My grief was put to the side and I was ready to pound this kid’s face into the cement. Fuck the friendship we’d had when we were kids—this wasn’t high school anymore, and I was sick of him coming on to my girl. I parked and got out of my car, moving quickly towards the front door. I pushed the door open, ready to throw his ass out, but what I saw was not what I’d expected. Michael was holding Harper in his arms and they were kissing.

Boy, she hadn’t waited around at all, had she? In that moment, all of the fight left me. I was officially alone. Harper turned around and looked right in my eyes. My stomach coiled at the sight of her. She looked so fucking guilty. She gasped when she saw me because she’d been caught. I bet she’d been fucking him the whole time she was with me. I was such a fool.

Harper said my name, but I recoiled at just the sight of her. Turning around, I walked out of the house and got in my car. I spun out when I pulled away, speeding down the road. I ignored the stop signs in the neighborhood and drove straight to the bar.

On my way I called Finn. He was a brother to me, and he lived with us after his parents died, and I’m sure he’d want to know.

“Hey, man, how’s it going?” He sounded happy. Why wouldn’t he be? He’d just had a baby.

“Not good. Dad just died.” I wished I could have said it better—less harsh—but there was no other way to do it.

He was quiet for a few short beats. “Jesus. How are you doing?”

“Been better.”

“Yeah. Okay, well, I’ll let Em know and catch the first flight out there. I’m sure she’ll want to come but Allie is still so little and I’d rather not put her on a plane.”

“Okay.”

“Is there anything I can do for you or your mom until I get there?” he asked.

“No. Mom’s at home with some people to help with the funeral arrangements.”

“What about you?”

“I’m headed to the bar. I need to take my mind off it.” My voice sounded completely dead.

“Look, man, I’m not sure that’s the best idea. Where’s Harper?”

I let out a brief and angered laughed. “Why don’t you call Michael, I bet he knows where she is.”

Again there was a long pause.

“What do you mean? What’s going on, Kyler?” His voice got serious.

I didn’t want to think about it. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to feel anything.

“Listen, I’m really not in the mood to talk right now. I just thought you’d want to know about Dad. I’ll see you when you get here.”

Finn started to say something else but I hung up on him. I’d already pulled up outside the bar but had sat in the car to finish my call. Time to get good and numb. I jumped out of the car and went inside.