Текст книги "Always Enough"
Автор книги: Stacy Borel
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“The doctor only wanted you to have a bolus of the medicine. If we put you on the pump, you might not be able to push effectively without feeling some of the contractions.”
Em was so pissed that she looked like lasers were coming from her eyes. “Lady, this isn’t feeling a little bit of pain. I feel every-fucking-thing!”
I covered my mouth to keep from laughing. My normally docile and complacent friend was actually speaking her mind. Hmph! Who knew it would take labor pains to get the girl to loosen up. Finn brushed a wet washcloth across her forehead to help cool her down. What a sweet, attentive husband he was being.
While watching Em going through the most excruciating pain in her life, I told myself that I was never going to do it. No man was worth it, no matter how much I loved him. Plus, I’d never actually considered having children. They were too clingy, took up too much time, and would want me to give more of myself than I’d ever want to give. And you never knew when a parent might want to walk away from that child just because they had their own issues and thought it was for the best that they weren’t around. That is what had happened to me, and I couldn’t imagine ever doing that to a child. My father only came around when it was convenient for him. A girl needs her dad, and I’d hated that he wasn’t who he should have been to me.
When Em gave her final push and baby Allie was brought into the world, she looked like a purple, slime covered creature that needed a good bath and a facial. I’d never seen a newborn before, but the look on Em’s and Finn’s faces when the doctor laid her on Em’s stomach was enough to make even me waver. I knew right there, in that moment, that Finn would never abandon his girls. The pride in his eyes caused a lump to form in my throat.
Deciding to give the new parents some time alone, I quietly snuck out of the waiting room, planning to grab a cup of coffee from the cafeteria. Rounding the corner, I saw Ky sitting in a chair, messing with his cell phone. He didn’t look up and I hoped he hadn’t seen me. Moving quickly, I crossed the hall in front of the waiting room chairs. Breathing out, I felt my shoulders slump forward, and I was thankful that I’d managed to avoid any confrontation. But just as I exhaled, a hand clamped around my elbow, stopping me in my tracks.
“Harper, is everything okay?” His deep voice spoke near my ear.
I turned my head slightly in his direction. “Um, yeah, everything is fine. Baby Allie is here.”
Ky’s eyes lit up and he smiled wide. “How’s Em?”
“So far, she seems good, and she doesn’t seem to be in pain anymore.”
“That’s good.”
His hand was still holding me in place, and he looked down to where he was still touching me. A long awkward silence passed before he asked, “How come you’re out here, and not in there with them?” He nodded his head towards the hall where Em’s room was.
Needing him to release my arm, I pulled out of his grasp and took a step back. He dropped his hand back to his side. “I wanted to give them some time alone. I figured I’d go grab a cup of coffee and stop back in later.”
“I could really go for a cup of coffee too. Mind if I join you?”
Kyler looked at me with hopeful eyes. I desperately wanted to tell him that I didn’t think it was a good idea. I knew that if he had the chance, he’d talk me into spending some time with him. He’d want to know why I hadn’t responded to his messages. Truthfully, I didn’t have the answers for that question, and after seeing Em’s and Finn’s display of love towards Allie, I was feeling particularly vulnerable.
“As much as I’d like to, Ky, I just don’t think it would be a good idea.”
“Why not?” He sounded angry.
Sighing loudly I started to say, “Because I—” but my cell phone rang. Reaching into my purse I pulled it out and saw Michael’s name on the screen. Kyler looked down and saw the name as well. His jaw tightened and his mouth made a thin line. Holding up my finger to tell Ky to wait a minute, I turned my back and answered the phone.
“Hi, Michael, how are you?”
“I’m fine, but I wanted to check on you to see if everything was going okay? Is the baby here yet?” He was so sweet.
“Actually, Allie just joined us a few minutes ago.” I smiled.
“That’s great news.” He sounded like he genuinely meant it. “Are Em and Finn doing alright?”
“Everyone is doing well. I was just heading down to the cafeteria to get some coffee and to give them some time alone. Would you mind if I call you back when I get settled in to my hotel room later this evening?” I started to yawn, not realizing just how tired I was. I hadn’t had any rest since the day before when I’d got the call from Finn.
“Absolutely, beautiful, I’ll be waiting for your call.”
Saying goodbye, I took a deep breath and turned around, ready to face Ky and tell him that I needed some time alone and maybe we’d talk later. But when I did, the hallway was empty and Ky was nowhere to be seen. Glancing around, thinking maybe he’d stepped away to give me some privacy, my stomach dropped. He’d left and hadn’t said goodbye. Not that I blamed him. I was however, disappointed. “Great. Just fucking great, Harper,” I whispered under my breath. I turned and walked towards the cafeteria.
I couldn’t stand there and listen to Harper, my Harper, talk to Michael. That girl has been mine since I first laid eyes on her in high school. When I looked over and saw his name on her phone I saw red. I had to walk away or I would have pounded a fucking hole in the wall, and then I’d get my ass thrown out for sure. I had to wonder if he was the reason that she hadn’t been emailing me back. I knew they had a ‘thing’ a while ago, but had they started seeing each other again since I’d been gone? If they had, I’d have no problem putting on my game face and showing her who was better. There’s no way that dick-fluffer was better than me. I could treat her better and I knew I was better in bed—everything boils down to sex, I don’t care who you are. And not in gay way, but in high school I’d heard the stories about him being a premature ejaculator. Sorry man, but if you’re losing your spunk at first touch, you might want to get that looked at.
He must be doing something that she likes, though, if she was still messing around with him. Harper was the type of woman to kick you to the curb if you weren’t giving her what she wanted. I just needed to figure out what it was, so I could do it better. And I needed to come up with a plan to get her to talk to me, without any interruptions. I knew I could be an egotistical ass sometimes, but once I put my hands on her I knew she wouldn’t be able to say no. She’d always reacted to me in the hottest way. I’d seen her shiver when I stood close. I’d seen her hazel eyes roll back while she screamed my name. I’d caught her looking at me when she thought I wasn’t looking. That girl was definitely mine, and now that she was here, I needed to remind her of it.
When I walked back around the corner to the waiting room, Finn almost ran into me. He had the biggest fucking grin on his face. I didn’t think I’d seen the bastard any happier than he was right then.
“Hey, I was just coming to find you. My little girl is finally here.”
Despite my mood, I couldn’t help but smile with him. Clapping him on the back in a hug, I said, “congrats, man. Harper said Allie finally made it into the world. So what should she call me, ‘Uncle Rock God’, ‘Uncle Badass’, or ‘Uncle Touch Her Wrong and I’ll Break Your Hand?’”
Laughing, Finn said, “Definitely not the first two. Taking on a protective role for my Allie girl, huh? Want to go see her?”
“You bet, but I’m telling you now, I’m not changing any diapers.”
We exchanged a few laughs before we walked into the room where Em and Allie were. Finn walked up to them and reached down, picking up a tiny pink bundle. He walked over to me and held his hands out to pass me the baby.
“Just make sure you support her head.”
When Allie was cradled in my arms, I was a fucking puddle of mush. This little girl could ask me for the moon and I’d make it happen. Looking down at her little round face, and dark dirty-blonde hair, I loved her, and she wasn’t even mine. I couldn’t help but wonder in that moment, if I felt so strongly about my niece, how I would feel when I had my own children? Just then, while peacefully sleeping, her tiny mouth quirked up in a grin.
“Hey, she’s smiling.” I looked over at a beaming Em.
She giggled and Finn said, “It’s probably gas.”
“Sweet. I do the same thing, Allie girl.”
We all laughed. Em looked behind me towards the door.
“Where’s Harper?”
Shrugging my shoulders I said, “I’m assuming she went to her hotel. She got a phone call from Michael and I left her to talk.” My voice didn’t exactly sound friendly when mentioning Michael’s name.
“I wonder why she left? She didn’t even get to hold Allie.” Em sounded a little sad.
“She told me that she wanted to give you two sometime alone with the baby.”
“Hmmm … I wish she would’ve told me. I didn’t mean to make her feel like she needed to leave.”
“Don’t worry about it, Shorty.” I gently handed Allie back to Finn. “She seemed tired, so I’m sure she just went to get some rest and will be back later.”
“I guess so.” She looked like she was pondering something before she spoke again. “So is everything between you and her okay? I mean, she hasn’t talked much about what went down. Maybe you can tell me.”
Okay, that was where most men would’ve shut their traps and not said a word, simply because we didn’t involve ourselves in all of that gossipy shit. But I thought I might actually be able to use it to my advantage.
“Why don’t you tell me what you know?” I asked her.
“I really don’t know much. Harper said you both decided it was best to take a break while you’re on tour. Other than that, she always changes the subject when I bring it up.”
My mouth tipped up in a slight grin. “We both decided, huh?”
Very interesting. Why would she lie to her best friend about the breakup? It certainly wasn’t something that I’d wanted, so there was no ‘both’ about it. Although Shorty could be lying to me as well … except I don’t think she would have asked if she truly didn’t know anything. She may be Harper’s best friend, but Em and I used to be pretty tight. I knew exactly what I was going to do to get Harper to talk to me.
“I wouldn’t say that it was my idea. In fact, I didn’t want the breakup to happen at all.”
Finn and Em both wore looks of confusion.
“Then why would she say that you were okay with it?” Em asked.
I shrugged my shoulders. “My best guess is because Harper didn’t want you up her ass, asking her questions. I mean let’s face it, you love me as much as you love her and you would have grilled her about the details.”
Finn chuckled. “You’re a cocky son of a bitch.”
“I am just calling a spade a spade.”
Em shook her head back and forth. “Shut up, both of you. And you,” she said, pointing a finger at me, “you’re cocky and I love you dearly, but never more than Harper.”
I gave her puppy dog eyes and poked out my lip. “That hurts, but I forgive you.”
“Shut up.” Em rolled her eyes. “I don’t understand. Harper tells me everything. Why would she lie to me about this?”
I dropped the bomb that I knew would bait Em and get Harper right where I wanted her.
“So when you’ve mentioned me, she didn’t even tell you about all of the phone calls, texts, and emails she ignores?”
I sat back and watched the wheels turning. I glanced over at Finn, who was adjusting Allie’s blanket, excluding himself from the turn this conversation was taking.
“What? She said she hadn’t heard from you. How often do you try to get a hold of her?”
“I email her every day.”
That was it. I’d planted the seed, and I knew damn well that Em would give Harper an earful. I also knew that Harper would be so pissed off that I’d ratted her out that she would hunt me down like a blood hound.
I’d ended up sleeping longer than planned. It was already almost one o’clock the following day before I rolled out of my hotel room bed with a massive headache, and feeling like I was hung-over. What the hell? I walked to the bathroom sink and put toothpaste on my toothbrush to scrub out whatever nastiness was in my mouth. I knew I’d had a rough night last night but give me a break, I’d had worse.
My reflection in the mirror was atrocious. My mascara was smeared underneath my eyes, and my hair looked like a tornado had blown through it. I paused with my toothbrush in my mouth and wetted down a washcloth to wipe the smudges under my eyes. I needed to get myself together and head out to take care of some things before I went to Em and Finn’s house to see baby Allie. They were being released that afternoon sometime and I wanted to cook them dinner.
First order of business: stopping at the sports store to buy a baseball bat—had I been at home this wouldn’t have been necessary because I already owned three of them. Second order of business, hunting down that tattle-telling, conniving-piece-of-shit-rat-bastard-asshat, Kyler, who’d decided to tell Em every detail of our breakup. Third order of business was beating him with the baseball bat until he died a bloody death.
I was still brushing my teeth when there was a knock on the door.
“I don’t need any new towels, but thank you,” I called from the bathroom, thinking it was the maid.
Another knock sounded. Seriously, did they not speak English? Growling, I spat into the sink and marched over to the door, throwing it open. My breath caught in my throat as a whoosh of air that smelled like men’s body wash, and something that was strictly Kyler, hit me in the face. The sight before me was as delicious as the smell. Ky wore a pair of dark wash, low slung jeans, and a plain gray v-neck t-shirt. His hair was still wet from the shower and he was holding a cup of coffee out to me. I leaned in to the smell as if my body was drawn to it, and I had to fight back a moan.
“Good morning, gorgeous. Sleep okay?” His deep voice traveled right through me, straight to my lower half.
No fucking way! I wasn’t going to allow this man to affect me like this, and certainly not when I was supposed to be pissed at him. Scowling, I started to close the door, but he shoved his foot inside before I got a chance to totally close it.
“Move out of the way, asshat. I’m not letting you in!” I tried to push his foot out of the door with my foot, but I didn’t have shoes on and I was hurting my toes. Did his boots have steel toes?
“Aww come on, Harper, don’t be like that. I have coffee … your favorite,” he taunted.
I paused. I really could go for some coffee right about now. “A tall white mocha, with extra whipped cream, and extra hot?”
He chuckled. “It’s a grande, and I know you want it, so let me in.”
Bastard. He knew I’d open the door for my favorite coffee. I held my hand out for it before I let him in.
“Huh-uh, Harper, door first then you can have the coffee.”
Reluctantly, I opened the door and put my hand back out, silently demanding the steaming cup of goodness. Another wave of Ky-smelling air assaulted me. I snatched the coffee and turned away quickly before he could see me inhaling deeply.
I walked as far away from him as I could and sat on the unmade bed. Pinning him with a glare I asked, “To what do I owe the pleasure, traitor?”
“Traitor?” He actually looked shocked.
“Well, I could actually come up with a few other choice words. In fact maybe it’s a good thing that you came here. It’ll save me the trip of finding you.” I brought the cup to my mouth and took a slow sip.
His mouth quirked up in a slow, sexy grin. “You were coming to look for me?”
I leveled a glare at him. “I know what you did, and you have some serious explaining and groveling to do.”
“And what is it you think I did?”
“Don’t play games with me, Kyler. You told Em everything.”
He shrugged. “And?”
I was getting more and more pissed off by his nonchalance and ‘whatever’ attitude.
“What was your reasoning? Besides you thinking that if you told my best friend everything maybe I would see the error of my ways and come back to you?”
The smirk that was on his face slowly faded into a frown.
“I never assumed anything. In fact, I’d have to be the dumbest man on earth to assume anything when it comes to you.”
What did he mean by that? Before I got a chance to think more about it, he started to stalk slowly toward me. With every step, my heartbeat picked up. His gaze was unyielding and I felt my anger going away, and desire mixed with nervousness crept in. I wanted to pinch myself to remind me why I was angry, and to hold on to that anger. It was the only emotion I wanted to feel right now. Lust was an unwelcome sensation, and I hated that I felt nervous about his advancement.
“What are you doing?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.
“I’m going to prove to you that I don’t assume things … I know things.”
By now he was right at the edge of the bed where I was sitting. His legs brushed my knee, and even such an unassuming touch seared me with heat. I let my eyes move lazily up his body till they met his warm brown eyes.
“Stand up, Harper.”
There was no question about what he said. It was a demand, but I refused to bend to his will. He told me to do something, but I hate being told what to do. Besides, wasn’t I supposed to be thinking murderous thoughts right then? I’d never liked being told what to do and Ky knew that. But in our short time together, he’d learned that he could play me like the strings on his guitar. All it took was the look he was giving me now, and a tone that said he wasn’t budging until I gave him what he wanted. Ky was just as stubborn as I was.
Deciding to stick to my guns and play the angry chick, which I still was, I crossed my arms over my chest.
“Make me.”
He sighed heavily. “Don’t challenge me, Harper. I’ll win.”
“Hmmm … we’ll see.”
And there it was. The gauntlet had been thrown down and the challenge had been made. I would not be told what to do, and he didn’t like not getting his way. The sexual tension between us was permeable … you could practically taste it.
While I sat there, refusing to move, Ky startled me by reaching out and grasping me by my arms. He hauled me up against him and gave me look that told me if I so much as thought about fighting him, there would be hell to pay. Then he crushed his mouth to mine. I was too shocked to push him away—at least that’s what I told myself.
Oh God, I’d missed this mouth. His lips were soft, but his mouth was firm and unyielding. Ky’s arms folded me into his body so that there wasn’t an inch of space separating us, although I couldn’t be sure that I wasn’t the one pressing into him. I managed to unfold my arms and grasp his shirt to pull him even deeper into the kiss. His mouth pulled away, but his tongue darted out and licked my lower lip. I opened my mouth, allowing him in. He swept back inside and kissed me so thoroughly that I couldn’t think of anything but him. Kyler consumed me—licking, sucking, and tasting every inch of my mouth—and I gave it back to him like I was a starving woman.
Ky swept his tongue across mine once more before he leaned back to look in my eyes, heat and desire shown in the depths of those warm chocolate brown irises. He watched me for a few beats before speaking.
“That’s exactly what I know.”
I continued to hold him. My legs felt too wobbly to release my hands from his shirt. I wanted more of him. I wasn’t so stupid that I couldn’t set aside petty arguments for a good orgasms sake. So why was he pulling away?
“And what would that be?” I asked breathily.
“That we work, Harper. This between us … its fucking magic, and you can’t hide from it.”
Hiding? Who was hiding? I’d been very clear about who I was and what I wanted from Ky. We’d had our short fling. It was hot and fun while it lasted, but it was over now, and we’d gone our separate ways. He went to play for Down Glory Road, and I had my life in Mountain Home. What else was there? So again I wondered where he got off saying I was hiding.
“I won’t deny you and I have chemistry, Kyler, but just because we connect, well, sexually, doesn’t mean we should be together. It was just sex.”
“Seriously, Harper, you think what we had was just sex?” He reached up and released my hands from his shirt and I sank back down onto the bed. He paced the floor in front of me. “Christ, woman, I’m not one to act like a fucking chick, but you and I both know that our relationship went deeper than just being physical with each other. I’ve known you for a seriously long time, Harper, and you’ve always pushed people away. I want to know why.”
“There’s no reason, Kyler. I’m just not ready to settle down yet.”
“That’s an excuse. You and I might not be together, but that doesn’t mean we weren’t friends at one point. Talk to me, Harper.”
His face was full of conviction and damn I wanted to open up to him. But the thing was … even after sharing my emotional wounds, they still left—all of them. Emilyn had been the one my constant in my life, and I didn’t need anybody else. Men were not permanent fixtures in my life. I used them just as much as they used me. As far as I was concerned, it was a mutual agreement. Sex was a mechanical thing for me. I was a warm blooded woman that had cravings and desires like any other walking, talking creature. I had it when I wanted it, and I continued on in my life. Nowhere had there ever been that dirty little four-letter word in any of my relationships. Love just didn’t belong in my life. So what on earth was there to talk about?
“You’re right, Ky, we were friends at one point, and we still are. I got what I needed from you, just like you got what you needed from me. No need to discuss it any further.”
“This is what you call a friendship? You’ve been ignoring me for the past several weeks. Friends talk to each other, friends tell each other what’s going on in their lives. You don’t fucking talk to me.”
I was starting to get pissed off again. Not only was Kyler acting like a needy estrogen-filled female, he’d got me all hot and bothered and then he just wanted to talk. Well, I was done talking. Kyler may know how to strum a guitar like a pro, but I know how to press his buttons and bend to my will.
“Ky?”
“What?” he snapped at me.
“Come back over here,” I said in a seductive tone.
His eyebrow arched and he looked at me cautiously. “What are you up to, Harper?”
His frustration was slowly slipping away, and now he was just trying to figure out what I was doing. Well, when I was done he wouldn’t know what hit him.
I stood up and took three small strides toward him until I was standing directly in front of him. Looking up at him through my long dark lashes, his scent washed over me and my need for him picked up right where it left off.
“You started something a few minutes ago,”– I reached up and gently laid my hand on his chest– “and I want you to finish it.”
His pupils dilated and he groaned low in his throat. I was getting to him, and at least he’d shut up. Leaning in to him, I brought my mouth up to his and said against his lips, “I need you to finish it.”
Before I was able to press my lips to his, he took my hand in both of his and pulled his face away, standing at his full six foot two.
“I want you to listen to me. There is more behind your desire for me, and I want to prove it. I have a proposition for you.”
What.
The.
Fuck?
I was practically throwing myself at him, and he couldn’t seem to let this go. Jesus! Next time I’ll just ask him to remove his tampon before he comes around me.
“I’m sure you do.” I tried to step away from him but he held me firmly. “Let’s hear it.”
“I want you to come out to New York with me.” He tilted his head to the side and raised his eyebrows, silently telling me to shut up and let him finish. “Come out there and see that it’s just lights and a show. The women that are out there … they aren’t real, Harper. I haven’t been with a single woman since you, and I plan on keeping it that way. But I also want you to see that there is more between us than you’re allowing yourself to feel.”
I rolled my eyes. “Give me a break, Ky.”
“Here’s the part I know you’ll love. I want you to try to not come on to me.”
My mouth parted in shock before I burst out laughing. “You think I can’t control myself around you? Is that it? Oh boy, you really are a delusional chick.”
“Did you just call me a chick?” I could see the same Kyler from back in high school, cocking his head to the side, scrunching his nose up, and looking like a dumb blonde.
“Yeah, I did. You’re being such a girl about this.” What I didn’t say was that he was also being smart. I didn’t like losing a challenge, and he knew it. “If you think you can drag me out to New York just to prove to me that there is more here than just sexual chemistry, then fine. But don’t cry about it when you see that I’m right.”
A self-assured look came over his face.
“Good. I’m leaving to go back first thing in the morning. You fly out later that day, and I’ll have everything taken care of.” He leaned down and kissed my cheek. The contact sent sparks through my body. He brought his lips to the shell of my ear and with a feather light touch, he whispered, “Just remember I caught you when you fell, Harper.”
He pulled away and turned to walk out the door. “What do you mean, ‘when I fell?’”
Kyler turned around. “When you finally realize that you’ve fallen for me … remember that I caught you, and I’ll keep hold of you … and I’ll keep holding on for as long as you’ll let me.”
Then he walked out and shut the door behind him.
