Текст книги "The First Last Boy"
Автор книги: Sonya Weiss
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Текущая страница: 8 (всего у книги 16 страниц)
Chapter Eleven
TANA
Redefining awkward. Having sex with your best friend, wanting to explore the possibility of something more meaningful, something I knew could be beautiful, and him not feeling the same. I’d been so stupid with Ryan because I’d had the suspicion that being with him was about more than I was willing to face. I didn’t know where this put our relationship now.
I shifted on the sofa, trying to get comfortable. I remembered on the trip up to the house with Ryan, I’d wondered if I would feel an ache between my legs after having sex for the first time. As it turned out, the ache was in my heart. The rest of me was fine. Except maybe there was a giant sign on my forehead with the word “idiot” on it. It had never been about losing my virginity only I’d been too blind to see that. It had been about being with Ryan and only Ryan.
Digging my iPod out of my pocket, I stuck the earbuds in, skipped Paramore, Justin Timberlake, and Cobra Starship. I settled on Zedd’s “Clarity” because the music and lyrics fit the way that I felt about Ryan and me perfectly. I figured I’d listen to music until Mom and Creature arrived home and then I’d smile and pretend everything was okay even though my world had just experienced an earthquake.
I would never forget the storm in the depths of Ryan’s eyes as he’d told me in a cold voice that he’d delivered as promised and there was no way in hell he was letting me change the parameters of our friendship.
I’d tried to suggest again that maybe we could be more but he’d shut me down. He wasn’t interested. There was nothing I could say that would change that. It wasn’t fair that he was so damn hot or that having sex with him made me want him around even more. But the emotional earthquake had changed everything. Him. Me. Our friendship. I needed him to stay away and I’d yelled that at him as he’d brought me back to the house. I needed distance physically so I could figure out a way to shut him out emotionally so that it wouldn’t hurt so much.
As I listened to the lyrics of the song, the ache in me grew wider until it became a chasm. I pressed my hand against my heart as if I could touch the brokenness. How could I not have realized what Ryan meant to me? Putting my head down on my knees, I fought to keep from crying. If I had a red nose and puffy eyes when Mom saw me, she'd want to know what happened and I’d have to make up something. She thought I’d spent the night with Shelby and Brooklyn at Shelby’s house.
Right after six, the front door opened and Mom and Creature came in. He was grinning and his eyes were shining. Plucking out my earbuds, I said, “You look excited, what’s going on?”
“We saw a sign that the theater is having dollar shows this week. Mom said I could go tomorrow.”
She would be at work. “I guess that means I’m taking you? Who says I want to be seen at the theater with you?”
He launched himself at me, throwing his arms around my neck in a tight squeeze. “Come on, Tana. Please, please, please?”
I pried his arms off of my neck. “If I do, you will have to obey my every command.”
He settled on the seat beside me. “I always listen to you when we go to the theater.”
“No, I mean before that. You have to clean your room. I mean really clean it.”
He scowled. “I don’t want to go to the theater that bad.”
I laughed.
“I forgot salad dressing,” Mom said with a long sigh. She picked up the keys to my car from the table where I’d left them for her. “I’m using yours. Mine wouldn’t start when we headed home. I had to get a jump. You’ll have to take me to work tomorrow and then we’ll figure out a way to afford to get mine fixed. Go ahead and put the salad together while I’m gone. I’ll be back in ten minutes.”
“Okay.”
I tapped Creature on top of the head. “I have a great idea. Why don’t you help me in the kitchen?”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“If I have to clean my room, that’s gonna take a while.”
I laughed and then Creature leaned forward on the sofa, his gaze fixed on the living room window, a puzzled expression on his face. “Fireworks.”
Fourth of July was still over a week away. There was no—then I heard it, the scraping of metal on metal and tires as they screeched away from the house. “Creature, get on the floor now and stay there.” We didn’t often have gunshots in the neighborhood but there had been a couple of times. Hoping I was wrong, I hurried to the door and peeked through the window.
The front end of my car was rammed into the front of the neighbor’s car two houses down. Steam poured from beneath the hood. People were rushing toward the accident.
“Stay here.” I instructed at my brother and took off running in my bare feet toward the car. She was a good driver. No, Mom was a great driver. So careful. Please,please,please be okay. I need you. Mark needs you.
One of the neighbors grabbed my shoulders as I reached the crowd, trying to prevent me from seeing. “Your mama’s hurt. The ambulance is on the way.”
I wrested myself away from him and reached my mother. I started glaring at the people gathered, demanding to know why they were all standing around. Why weren’t they helping her? I took Mom by the shoulders and lifted her bowed head upward. I smoothed her hair away from her face and froze. Blood seeped through her shirt near her shoulder. I put my hand on the back of her head and wet stickiness oozed through my fingers. I started screaming. I don’t remember stopping.
*
RYAN
A few minutes before six, Juvante and I silently left Mama Leena’s house. My whole day was shitty because Tana had ordered me to stay away from her. From her tone, it was clear she was done with me. As a result of that, I was in no mood to put up with Rat’s excuses. He was out of time. He had to pay up so I could keep Chanos away from Tana. I knew what would happen if that went down the wrong way.
We didn’t run into much traffic on the way to the crack house so we made good time. A group of teenagers in track suits were hanging out at the park and watched us with sullen expressions as we passed. They were hunched forward, as if the chip of poverty on their shoulders was a heavy burden. An argument started in front of the liquor store and as we passed the two men, they began punching each other.
Juvante adjusted his ball cap, making sure the bill faced backward. In this neighborhood we had to be careful. Wearing a ball cap with the bill slanted one way or the other could signify a gang affiliation the same way certain colors did.
When I parked in front of the run down house, Juvante looked at the overgrown yard and said, “You know I’ve got your back, but you need to start packin’ again.”
“I’m not returning to that life.”
“Sometimes it chooses us and we don’t get to stay away, you know that.” Juvante looked pensive for a second. “Some bad shit with Chanos.”
“We’ll get the money, we’ll give it to him and it’ll be finished.” That was the way it had to work.
“I’m gonna beat the shit out of Clarke and Roman again just for the hell of it.” He opened the door and waited for me to walk around.
If it was possible, the stench from the house was ten times worse than when we’d been here the Saturday before. The front door was shut all the way. Juvante shoved it aside.
A handful of people sat around on the floor talking in quiet tones. Subdued. The party atmosphere from last week was missing. A group of candles flickered in a circle. I didn’t see Rat.
“Shit,” Juvante muttered, looking at me over his shoulder with a “now what?” expression.
“Where is he?” I asked the girl Rat had been with last week.
Her eyes were red-rimmed but she didn’t look high. “He died about four this morning.”
“Did he OD?” Juvante demanded.
She shook her head and the limp, greasy strands of her hair lifted and fell. “He was shot.”
My blood ran cold. I knew. I fucking knew, but I asked anyway. “Who did it?”
Pointing to a shirtless fat guy in khaki shorts, she said, “He says Chanos.”
“Hey!” I called out and the guy looked at me. “You saw Chanos hit Rat?”
He nodded and formed his fingers into the shape of a gun. “Boom and he was down. I never saw so much blood, man. He was begging.” The guy swallowed. “And Chanos hit him again.”
“He say anything?”
“He said, “Nobody fucks with me” and then he spit on him.” The guy swallowed, looking like he needed to puke. “They left him laying in the middle of the road and the guy driving asked him if they were going after Stana.”
“Stana?” Juvante mouthed at me, raising his eyebrows.
Dark dread filled me. I grabbed the guy’s arm and he winced. “Tana?”
“Yeah, that’s it.”
Shoving the guy away, I turned and ran from the house with Juvante on my heels. I started begging every god I’d ever heard about to please let her be okay. I dialed her number. No answer. Putting the phone on repeat dial, I jumped into the Charger and we raced toward her house. In my mind, I saw Tana in a house built of paper and Chanos standing outside the structure blowing as hard as he could and I was the one who’d led him straight to her.
Chapter Twelve
TANA
The clouds rolled in and the sky wept the rain softly at first and then it ugly cried. The police came with their usual everyone’s-guilty swagger. Just the facts, ma’am. Did she have any enemies? Do you know anyone who might do this? What did you see? The detective’s lips moved, but he wasn’t making any sense. It was all white noise.
The first responders drove away, their sirens crying out into the oncoming darkness as they carried my mother away from my brother and me. The neighbors stood around speaking in hushed whispers, saying how the neighborhood was going to hell.
The car door was still open and the rain blew in on the seats. “This one needs a miracle,” I’d heard one of the paramedics mutter as he’d worked on my mother. I’d caught his eye as he’d run alongside the stretcher and loaded it in the back of the ambulance. His eyes had held the cynicism of one too many bad calls. I shook my head to clear it from what I’d witnessed.
I had to get to my mom. She needed me. I had to get my car so I could drive to the hospital. I pushed past the detective, past the yellow tape, ignoring their orders to stop. I reached for the door of the car, but a police officer stopped me. His face was carved with pity and his voice gentle. “We have to take the car for evidence.”
“But, I don’t have another one. I need it.” I tried to blink, to focus on his voice that came from a thousand miles away.
Then an afraid voice, a little voice on the teetering edge of hysteria, called my name. My brother was in the middle of the street and the rain plastered his hair flat on his head. “Where’d they take Mom?” He jammed his fist into his mouth and looked beyond me to where the ambulance had disappeared. His entire body shook.
I ran to him and scooped him into my arms. He clutched my neck in a stranglehold, his eyes wide. Desperate. “Help her, Tana. Help her.”
“I will.” I walked back toward our house and the detective fell into step beside me. Condescending. More questions. He thought I knew something I wasn’t telling.
“Fuck off,” I said, and kept walking, my steps keeping time with my brother’s wailing. Inside the house, I closed the door. The quietness in the living room, the awful blanketing silence was smothering. I slid, still holding Mark, to the floor. He buried his face in my neck. From my position, I could see the uneaten supper on the table. Waiting for the salad dressing.
I choked down my own hysteria. “Everything will be okay, Mark.”
His sobs grew louder. “I want Mom.”
I leaned back and forced a smile as I cupped the sides of his face. “Why don’t I take you to a friend’s house and I’ll go talk to Mom. I’ll see when she’ll be able to come home, okay?” Smoothing back his wet hair, I kissed his forehead. “Hey, have I ever let you down before?”
He shook his head and wary hope began construction in his eyes. “No.” He ran his palm under the edge of his nose.
I struggled to stand with his weight. “You want to go to Will’s house?”
Mark shook his head. “His games suck.”
“Then Jason’s house it is.” I picked up my phone to call Jason’s mom and saw I’d missed several calls from Ryan. I ignored them. I couldn’t deal with what had happened between us on top of this.
*
RYAN
Tana wouldn’t answer her phone. When I arrived at her house, I knocked on the door until my knuckles were raw but there was no answer. I leaned my forehead against the siding and yelled her name. Silence. I shivered when the wind blew a gust of rain across the porch and the water hit the back of my neck. The neighbor across the street had filled us in on what happened to Tana’s mom. “Chanos is going to pay for this,” I said.
Juvante’s hand gripped my shoulder.
Lifting my head, I stared at him. He had to know as much as I did that this was my fault. Chanos hitting Rat. My brothers taking the drugs. Tana’s mom lying in a hospital. It was because of me that Chanos had touched their lives. More than getting his drugs or money, Chanos had to protect his reputation. A gang leader that didn’t deal with disrespect quickly was a toe tag waiting to happen courtesy of someone wanting to move up the ranks. Killing Rat was a message. Shooting Tana’s mom was the postscript on that message and was meant for my brothers through me.
I turned and sat against the front door. I wanted to go to the hospital and see Tana. Be there for her to lean on, but I didn’t know if my presence would only upset her more and I’d already caused enough damage. I didn’t want to tear her apart any more than I already had. I swore silently that I’d do whatever it took to make this right by her and told Juvante as much. “Even if Chanos wasn’t the one to pull the trigger, he knows who did.”
Juvante eased down beside me. “I know what you’re thinking, but if you take Chanos out, you can kiss your life goodbye.” He shook his head. “You’ll do hard time.”
“Do you think I give a fuck?”
“How’s that going to help Tana? She needs you around more than ever.”
Guilt, as big ass and heavy as a semi, backed up and rolled onto my shoulders. Thanks to my fucktard brothers, my past had done this to Tana’s life. I’d been afraid my past would somehow cause her hurt. I should have stayed away from her. I could have walked away.
“Mama Leena,” Juvante warned seconds before her minivan swept into the driveway.
Worry, anger, and fear made crossroads on her face. “What happened?”
“Tana’s mom was shot in a drive by,” I said.
“That’s what I heard. Who did this? You know what I’m talking about now don’t play me.” She put her hands on her hips and glared at the two of us.
Finally, I said, “I think it was Chanos.”
“That’s what I thought you were going to say. We’re going to let the police handle this.”
“The police tried to handle Chanos’ brother and now Chanos for years, Mama. We can talk about it, but that’s not going to solve anything and neither are the police.” Juvante rose to put his arm around Mama Leena. “You know that’s the truth.”
Mama Leena ignored Juvante and patted my shoulder. “She needs you, Ryan.”
“We had a fight. She made it clear she doesn’t want to see me.”
“Oh, son.” She sighed. “You listen to me and go to the hospital. Whatever’s going on between you and her, doesn’t matter at this second.”
I rose and stuck my hands in the pockets of my jeans, unable to meet her gaze. “I made her hate me.”
“You can’t run away emotionally every time you cause someone pain, Ryan. All relationships have their good and their bad. You have to stay and fight through it. Go on. I’ll pick up Destiny and we’ll meet you at the hospital.”
I nodded even though I knew there was nothing I could do to salvage my relationship with Tana even if I wanted to. Her hating me was for the best, but Mama Leena was right about one thing. Tana needed me and that’s all I needed to know.
Chapter Thirteen
TANA
The hours moved with the speed of a snail. Medically-induced coma. For now, the doctor had said in a jumble of words that sounded like he spoke a foreign language. I leaned back against the hard plastic of the chair, my fingers holding onto the paper cup of coffee like they didn’t belong to my body. All around me the sounds and sights of the hospital bustled with life. I couldn’t grasp how everything was business as usual when a huge part of my life lay in the recovery room. What an oxymoron. Why call it a recovery room if there was no promise of recovery?
“Tana?”
Ryan. Rumpled. Exhausted. His eyes dark with an emotion that I couldn’t read. He slid into the seat next to me and I wouldn’t look at him. I was too close to the edge, too close to falling to pieces and I didn’t want his pity. After a second, he took my hand, threading his fingers in between mine. I let him because even though I was still hurt by the way he’d blown me off after we’d been together, his presence comforted me.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not like you caused it.” I set the cup down and glanced at him.
He winced, looked at the floor and took a deep breath. “What did the doctor say?”
I repeated what I’d been told.
“She’ll be okay,” he said.
I nodded, but scoffed inwardly. I knew he couldn’t promise that. Who lives and who dies is a crapshoot. A voyage into territory that had no guidelines or rules. A healthy athlete can drop dead. No warning. People survive falling out of the sky when a plane crashes. Who gets to decide the lucky and the unlucky? A cosmic draw? A universe poker game among the gods with human lives as the buy in?
“She’ll be okay,” Ryan repeated and I knew he was trying to convince himself my mother would survive. He and I had talked about death before. Books and movies depict death as a figure shrouded in black. But they were all wrong. Death was multi-colored, painting pictures with his actions that no one ever wants displayed in their home. Green for the envy toward other families who have not yet entertained the company of death. Red for the rage against the hopelessness that you can’t uninvite death if he decides to visit. White for the nothingness when you feel hopeless and powerless as death plays a waiting game with you.
So we waited.
The night faded into day and then back again. People came and went. Coworkers. Mine and my mom’s. Some of my old friends from school. Shelby. Brooklyn.
People Ryan knew came. Cooper. Juvante, Destiny. Mama Leena. Ryker. Zane. Forty-eight hours I sat at the hospital mainlining coffee, and refusing to leave my mother’s side. Ryan wouldn’t leave mine. He kept watch over me, rising protectively whenever the doctor approached as if impending pain was a freight train and he was determined not to let it crush me. But the pain did claim me. It moved into my body like an unwelcome roommate who took all the stuff that was once mine.
Laughter.
Joy.
Hope.
All of those had been stolen by pain now and she was a selfish bitch who’d shown she was reluctant to give them back. Time marched on and I zombied my way through it until Jason’s mom had to head out of town and I needed to go home to take care of Mark. I couldn’t tell him that nothing had changed. I would smile brightly and say that Mom was getting better. Then I would spend the night hoping that in the end I wasn’t lying.
“I’ll take you home,” Ryan said. He helped me to the elevator with his arm around me. The elevator crept toward the parking garage. People got on. Visitors. A doctor in blue scrubs. Nurses. Talking. Laughing. Like they had a right to be happy. To live when mere feet away from all of us, Mom might not make it. I tried hard to drown out their happiness and Ryan folded me against him. When one of the nurses told a joke to the doctor, I screamed, “Shut up! Stop laughing!” They all stared at me. The elevator doors slid open and Ryan hurried me out into the garage. He led me to the Charger and put me into the passenger seat then reached across me to fasten the seatbelt.
When he pulled out of the garage and onto the street, I said, “She was okay and then she wasn’t. And I can’t...” I shook my head, struggling to draw in enough oxygen. “I can’t make anything make sense.”
“That’s because what happened is senseless.” His hands gripped the steering wheel hard. “I’d take the pain for you if I could.”
“I know.” I let my head fall back against the seat. Mom. Baking cookies. Teaching me how to swim. Teaching me how to stand up to my father. Teaching me how to be strong enough to walk away from a bad relationship. Teaching me how to drive. I needed her. “Please,” I whispered to the sky as it stretched out vast and empty. “Please.”
We picked up Mark at Jason’s house and he climbed into the back of Ryan’s car as a more subdued version of himself. I forced a bright smile. “You want fish and chips for supper?”
“Not if you make them.”
“From the Fish Shack.”
“Okay.” He stared out through the window.
We picked up the food and after we went to the house, I tried hard to force down some of it. Mark picked at his, then announced he was going to bed. He pushed away from the table, then stopped in the hallway and looked over his shoulder at me. “I’m going to sleep in Mom’s bed.”
I nodded and started cleaning up the remnants of supper.
Ryan gave me a look and tried to reach for me but I wouldn’t let him. “Thanks for bringing me home, but please go. I can’t deal with our broken relationship on top of what’s happened to my mom.”
“We’re not broken. We’re—”
“Yes, we are. I need something that you don’t have within yourself to give and it hurts too much to pretend that it’s okay. You said you didn’t want to talk about things, that we weren’t a couple and you’re right.” I lifted a shoulder in a shrug, hoping he’d tell me how much that night together had meant to him, hoping he’d say that I was right and he was wrong and we should see if there could be more between us than friendship.
His eyes flashed and he nodded. Without another word, he turned around and left.
It bothered me that he didn’t even bother to ask what it was that I needed. Whatever he thought it was, he wasn’t even willing to try. Now I had to begin the painful process of untangling my life from his for the sake of my bruised heart.
*
RYAN
I took another long drink from the bottle and the vodka ran with fiery claws down into my gut. So much pain in my wake. Everywhere I went, I left someone in pain. I rubbed my fingers across the crown logo. King. I was a king too.
King of Jacks. “One more car, Donny. Don’t be such a baby.” The words I’d spoken floated around my head. The final ones I ever said to my friend on the last night I’d jacked a car. My fault he’d died. My fault Tana’s mom was in the hospital. My fault Tana was in so much pain. My fault she was so confused about us. I’d crossed a line. I’d messed up our friendship. I was rotten. No good. All those foster parents had been right about me. I was bad because I came from bad seed and history always repeated itself.
Gripping the chain link fence, the metal leading like a tour guide toward the alley where Donny had begged me to save him, I stumbled past a row of garbage cans. Tripped. Fell to my knees. I closed my hands around dirt, grass, and abandoned cigarette butts. I threw them toward the sky, throwing my head back at the same time, screaming until my throat was raw.
“Tana! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Mark’s tear-streaked face flashed before my eyes. “I’m sorry, Creature. So sorry.” I’d experienced beatings. Felt the wickedly sharp blade of a knife slice through my skin and leave me scarred. Had the hot side of an iron pressed against my side. But those were a walk in the park weighed against the pain I felt at having been the cause of Tana’s pain.
I stared upward until the fading sun painted the sky with streaks of dusky pink. A dog barked faintly behind me to my right. Supper smells lingered in the air. Normal things in my upside down world. I bowed my head.
Chanos’ ultimatum when he’d called last night rang in my ears, played in my mind, reopening the door to the hell and destruction I’d once known. What choice did I have? Chanos or Tana. Not a choice at all. Inevitable. That’s the word the cop used the night Donny died. “Prison’s in your future, boy. It’s inevitable.”
I wiped the end of my nose and put my hand back on the fence. Four more steps and I’d be at the spot where Donny died. Three more. Two. One. I’d promised on his grave.
“I’m out,” I’d said. I had been. I’d wanted to be good. I’d lived life as clean as I could. Not an angel, but far from the devil I’d been. But what the fuck did I know about a catalyst back then? The one that would propel me backward into my past so that Tana could have a future.
I rubbed the bottle again. Why the hell wasn’t it working? The alcohol genie was supposed to bring me the magic to shut the pain up for a little while. Maybe I needed a few more swigs. I lifted the bottle and touched it to my lips.
“I’m sorry, Tana,” I whispered again, knowing that I could say the words every day for the rest of my life and it would never be enough.
Her smile reached through the upside down. Her face swam before me. There was trust in her eyes. Hope. Concern. She’d once said I was her hero. She needed me.
I flung the bottle away. It smashed against a rock and vodka soaked the thirsty ground. I would be whatever kind of devil I needed to be for Tana’s sake but I wouldn’t unleash the one I’d always found in a bottle. No, that sonofabitch was a dark bastard.
Rolling over onto my back, I watched the sky grow darker and darker. I didn’t move even when I heard footsteps coming toward me. Hands gripped my arms, lifting me to my feet. Juvante wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and gave me a hard shake.
“Come on, brother. Pull your ass together. Let’s go home.”
I patted the center of his chest and couldn’t make my words not slur. “I tore her heart out, man.”
“Uh huh. Get your ass in the car.” Juvante shook his head. “I warned you about Tana. I knew the way you looked at her was different.”
“Yeah. Different.” My head lolled back against the seat and the movement of the car jarred my stomach. “I never thought it would happen to me. I feel...I feel too much, man. But I can’t be with her. Look at what I did to her.”
“Uh huh.”
“I gotta go back in. Keep her safe. That’s the only way. It’s what Chanos wants.”
Sorrow wafted my way from the expression on Juvante’s face. “I know,” he said quietly.
“He owns me.” My stomach lurched again. “Chanos owns me because she owns this.” I thumped my fist across my heart. My stomach decided it didn’t want the vodka. I scrambled up straight and yanked open the door, nearly falling out as I vomited.
Juvante gripped my arm and eased the car over to the shoulder. “You can’t go back in.”
There were no options left. Wiping my mouth, I shook my head but quickly stopped when that rattled my brain. “My life for hers, man. It’s the only way I can protect her.”
Juvante pulled back onto the road. He was my ride or die and I knew he’d give it to me straight whether I wanted to hear it or not. “That reputation you have, I know you’re not proud of that.”
“Yeah.”
“The bare knuckle shut downs, man, you broke a lot of bones. You ruled the streets, man. You even stole a fucking cop car. Could barely see over the damn wheel.” Juvante laughed.
I grinned at the memory of the cop chasing me down the road and then gaping when he’d realized how old I was.
“The first time I saw you I remember thinking skinny ass kid ain’t got nothing but then you kicked so much ass that people were afraid to even say your name. You could make guys shit themselves with just a look. Through all that, man, I always knew you weren’t fighting the world. You were trapped, trying to fight your way out of what you’d become.” He put his hand on my shoulder. “And you did. I’ve watched you lay that darkness down. Going back in doesn’t mean you stay in.”
“This time it does.”
“For Tana.”
I clenched my teeth together. “All the shit in my life, nothing hurts as much as the thought of her hurting. I drove her away because I had to and it took me to my knees.” I swallowed, not wanting to think about this, but knowing I had to make sure there was a backup plan. “If I go down, you do whatever you have to do to get Tana and her family away from Chanos.”
Juvante nodded. “I promise.”
***
My concentration was screwed. I’d busted my hand, hit my head on the hood of a car, and nearly blown a simple brake job on a Honda Civic. A zombie had more life than I did. A week had passed since the shooting and the guilt of what I’d done to Tana was eating me alive. She’d asked me again to stay away and I’d respected her space, hoping that she’d eventually relent and want me around again. I’d have to keep her at arm’s length but if I was with her, it meant she was safe and that’s all I wanted.
Tana didn’t know it was my fault what happened to her mom and if I told her, she’d never want to see me again. Once it was official and I was part of Chanos’ crew, I could never be near her, could never love her, couldn’t allow her to love me, but until then, I wanted to steal enough scraps to keep me from starving with hunger for her. I wanted to memorize her face. Commit her scent to memory. It would have to be enough. I would make it be enough.
My cell phone buzzed, the vibration scooting it across the work bench. I wiped my grease stained hands on a rag and looked at the screen. Tana.
“Hey,” I said when I answered.
It wasn’t her. “Ryan,” her brother’s voice whispered.
“Is something wrong?”
“I...um...I think so.”
My heart nearly stopped. “Alright, buddy. I’m on my way. Hang on. Keep talking.” I jogged past a car waiting for an oil change and knocked on the office before opening the door. “I’m leaving, Abraham. I need to take care of something.”
He nodded and waved me away. We’d talk about it later, but Abraham trusted when I said I had to go, it was important. I fumbled with my car keys and then the engine fired to life. “Alright, Creature, I’m on my way. What’s going on?”
“It’s Tana.”
“What’s wrong with her?”
“She’s calling for me. I have to go.”
“Creature, wait. When you hear me at the door, you make sure it’s me and then let me in, okay?”
