Текст книги "The First Last Boy"
Автор книги: Sonya Weiss
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Текущая страница: 14 (всего у книги 16 страниц)
Chapter Twenty-Seven
TANA
College was a lot harder emotionally than I’d anticipated. I missed my family. I ached for Ryan but I was working on forgetting him even though I suspected it was going to be an impossible task. There was no forgetting a guy like Ryan Collins. I would have to stop breathing first.
Now that it was January, I was starting my second semester and I was a little more adjusted to my life of classes, studying and doing my best to avoid partying with Shelby. But I’d never adjusted to not having Ryan in my life. There was a missing piece. I wasn’t in the mood to be surrounded by people laughing and hooking up and I had to work hard to keep the pretense up that I was okay.
Without knocking, Shelby flung open my door and made a beeline for my closet. She and I had been lucky enough to get one of the two rooms with a living space in Patriot Hall. With the dorm being coed, Shelby was in her element surrounded by good looking guys.
Pulling out a black dress, she held it against her and said, “Borrow this?”
I closed my textbook. “That’s the third party this week and it’s not even the weekend.”
“I know but I’m young and finally free from my golden cage. I’m making up for lost time.”
“It’s supposed to snow tonight. You might want to wear boots with it.”
“I will and I’ll find someone warm to snuggle up with.”
“Have fun.”
“Come with me.” Shelby dropped the dress onto the back of the desk chair and plopped down on the end of the bed. “You’d have a lot more fun if you’d let go of Ryan.”
Hearing his name squeezed my heart. “I have let go.”
She arched her eyebrows.
“Okay, I’m working on letting go,” I corrected. “I haven’t talked to him or heard from him since I saw him at the hotel after he was beaten. I even told Brooklyn to never tell me any news about him.”
“It won’t be over until you go out with someone else. I know that a few guys have asked you out.”
“They’re just not...I don’t know...they’re not—”
“Ryan?”
“I told you that I’m working on letting go. I’m getting closer.” Even I could hear the lie in my voice.
“Then prove it,” she challenged and grabbed my hand. “Come to the party with me tonight. It’s what you need. Have a few drinks, dance and be with someone other than Ryan.”
I mulled over her idea. On the one hand, I didn’t want to go. But on the other, I really didn’t want to spend another night studying. Maybe she was right. Maybe going to a party would be good for me. “Okay, you have a deal.”
Shelby squealed and hugged me. “Do you want to borrow the dress to wear that I was going to wear?”
I laughed. “No, I’ll wear my red one.”
“You won’t regret this.”
“Famous last words.” I slid from the bed to get ready for the party.
*
RYAN
“It’s like living with Bigfoot. Everyone knows I have a roommate, but no one ever sees him.”
I looked at my roommate, Lewis. “I’m not really the party kind of guy.” Not anymore. Not after what I’d been through in the months prior to arriving at Bayside. I’d missed the first semester because I’d had to recover from the showdown with Chanos. I’d survived. He hadn’t. And Clarke was paying the price with years of his freedom.
Abraham had bought his cousin’s garage near the college and I worked it part time while taking a few business management classes. Ryker was moving up to join me at the garage and he’d be here in a few hours and I was glad I’d have at least one of my brothers around. Cooper couldn’t leave Michigan yet because he was still on parole, but I hoped he would once that was over. Juvante had left for the Marines. We were all going our separate ways for the time being but we’d always be a family. Always be there for each other. I knew that now.
“Okay. I didn’t want to say this, but you leave me no choice. I heard Tana will be at the party.”
The air grew heavy and I nearly stopped breathing. I quit writing the letter I was working on to Clarke and looked at Lewis. We lived together in a house near the campus that had been divided up into apartments. He’d lived all his life on a farm in Iowa in a small town that he’d laughed and said consisted of mostly his family members. In his plaid shirt, high water jeans and black eyeglasses, everything about Lewis screamed nerd. But he’d become a friend and had proven himself trustworthy on more than one occasion. I’d made the mistake of telling him about Tana one night after he’d hounded me for a reason why I wasn’t hooking up. “It doesn’t matter if Tana will be at the party. She doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
She’d proven that. I’d written letters before I’d left Michigan, but there’d been no response. I’d tried to call and text her but her number had been changed. When she’d said goodbye that final day I’d seen her, apparently, she’d meant it. I’d taken great pains to avoid being near any place I thought she’d go whenever I was on campus. If she didn’t want to see me, I would respect that and wouldn’t force the issue. I’d put her through enough.
“Okay, you’re probably right. She probably hates you. So let’s you and I hit the party circuit. I’ll even let you be my wingman.”
I laughed at that. Lewis struck out every time. “I’m gonna finish this letter.”
“Like that’s what you really want.” Lewis bounced back and put up his fists. “Don’t make me kick your ass.”
I laughed again. Lewis probably only topped out at 100 and I doubted he’d ever started a fight in his life.
“You owe her an explanation for what you did to her.”
“No, I fucking don’t.” I gave up the pretense of writing.
“Yes, you do. She’s making choices based on the belief that you don’t care about her and never did.”
“Lewis, butt the fuck out.”
“Stop being a pussy and talk to her.”
“Speaking of ass kicking, I’m about to hand one to you.”
Lewis sighed. “There’s another reason that I want you to go. The party’s at a fraternity house. Some of those guys think it’s funny to kick my ass.”
“Then why do you want to go?”
“Because I’m not a pussy. Because I’m not going to let those guys make my time here miserable. Because I can step up to the plate. Now, if you won’t go for Tana, go to keep me from getting my ass kicked at a party at least once.”
“Alright, man. I’ve got your back. Let’s go.” Maybe Lewis was right. Maybe I needed to see Tana and explain why I’d acted the way that I had. I leaned back in the chair and stared at the ceiling but didn’t see the light. Instead I saw Tana’s face, her smile, and her body moving under mine with sweet abandon. What would I say to her if she told me she hated me? Or if she still cared? Or worse...if she felt nothing at all?
Chapter Twenty-Eight
TANA
I could barely contain the shudder that ripped through me as the guy beside me whispered in my ear. Not because he was saying anything I wanted to hear but because I knew it had been a mistake to come to the party. I couldn’t stand the thought of doing with this guy what he was suggesting.
“I’m sorry, I need to use the bathroom.” I slid away from him and searched the crowd for Shelby. I couldn’t believe she’d ditched me. I didn’t want to walk back across the dark campus alone but I didn’t want to drag Shelby away either. Maybe I’d use the bathroom and then find a corner to stand in until I could locate my roommate.
I passed by the staircase and groaned at the line of girls waiting for the bathroom. The frat house only had two. This one and the one upstairs. I spun around and went up the stairs. Thankfully, there were only two girls in line.
“Tana?”
No.Yes. I was dreaming that I’d heard Ryan’s voice. Hadn’t he been with me in a few rather vivid dreams since I’d seen him last? I’d woken up throbbing and so ready for him, then had cried when I’d realized it was only a dream. I turned slowly, not expecting to come face to face with the guy I thought I’d never see again.
The girl in front of me said loudly enough to her friend for me to overhear, “Oh my God, he’s fucking hot.”
She was right. He was hotter than ever. He wore jeans and a long sleeve light blue button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Some of his tattoos showed. I remembered them. I remembered the ones that weren’t showing. The ones on his chest that I’d kissed as we’d lain locked together our last time. I remembered everything about him. Guess I hadn’t done such a bang up job of letting go or of forgetting.
The girls were staring expectantly at me. I found my voice and said, “What are you doing here?”
His gaze drifted to the girl staring so boldly at him. By the glazed look on her face, I was sure in her mind’s eye she was already rolling around naked with him. I glared at her and she looked away.
“I started school here.”
“You...here? Why?”
“Business management. I’m taking over a garage Abraham bought not far from here.”
“Oh.” What did I think he was going to say? That he’d chosen this school because I was here? Because he couldn’t live his life without me? That he was sorry and loved me?
“Let’s go somewhere and talk.”
“Now you want to talk?” The bathroom door opened and the two girls in front of me went in and started making out before the door ever closed. I slapped the bathroom door and yelled at them. “Could you do that after I use it?” I couldn’t think straight. The shock of seeing Ryan made it hard to concentrate on anything. I needed to get away from him.
“There are some things I should tell you.”
“I can’t do this again.”
“Wait. The thing with Chanos—”
“Stop.” I didn’t want to hear about Chanos. Didn’t want to be reminded of all that had transpired since I’d first met that guy. Of how close I’d come to losing Mom. “After all these months of silence, you think you can just ask me to have a conversation?”
“Silence? I wrote to you every goddamn week as soon as I recovered. I called you. I asked Brooklyn for your new number.”
“Recovered? From what?”
His lips thinned. “I tried to reach you. I was going to tell you about that and a lot of things.”
“I told Brooklyn that I didn’t want to hear from you.”
“That’s still the way that you want it?”
I had to make him leave me alone. I couldn’t stand to be with him again only to lose him all over because he’d push me away. And I was tired of being pushed away. It hurt too much. “Yes, it is. I don’t love you, Ryan. I was wrong to tell you that I did. I mistook sexual feelings for love.” I couldn’t believe how easy it was to lie to him.
He looked like I’d slapped him. Then his face hardened and his beautiful eyes turned icy. “I’m such a fucking idiot. See you around.”
It was better this way. When I stopped loving him, everything would be good. I would be okay then. I would stop crying myself to sleep, stop losing weight and stop calling out for him in the middle of the night. Turning around, I rushed back down the stairs. The walls were closing in on me. I needed air. Shoving through the crowd, I located the front door and pushed it open, nearly knocking over a couple of guys trying to come in.
“You okay?” One of them asked but I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. I ran down the steps and onto the sidewalk, running toward my dorm, pushing my legs to go faster. Reaching the student parking lot, I picked up speed, and everything went by in a blurry haze. The weather chilled the tears on my face, matching the chill in my heart.
*
RYAN
I was in the library the next day when I overheard a douchebag at the table beside mine mention Tana’s name and dancing with her at the party. He bragged about what he hoped to do with her at the next party. She didn’t love me and her life was none of my business but caring about her and trying to protect her wasn’t something I could turn off regardless of how she felt about me. Sliding back my chair, I walked across the carpet and stopped at the table. “Tana Shaw is off limits to you.”
The guy started to rise when his friend slapped a hand on his arm and said, “That’s the guy Lewis was talking about. His roommate, Ryan Collins.” Douchebag swallowed and slumped in his chair. “Sorry.”
Feeling irritated over the encounter, I went back to my seat. Within seconds the table by mine cleared out. I didn’t doubt that my reputation had made the rounds with Douchebag and his friends because Lewis had a big mouth.
As if I’d conjured him, Lewis showed up and dropped into the chair across from mine. “Tana has a history class with Professor Bore-me-to-death right about now.” He pulled his arm up in an exaggerated way to examine his watch.
“That’s her business.”
“She has a date tonight. Thought you’d want to know.”
“That’s her business, too.”
“The guy she has a date with is Chip Holland. You’ve heard of him. Slip-a-roofie Chip.”
I slammed the book shut. Fuck this shit. Tana might not love me but I’d be damned if I’d sit around and let this happen. I’d warn her and then I’d beat Chip’s ass. I stormed from the library and went into the back of the auditorium where her history class was. Tana was sitting on one of the upper levels. I took a seat directly behind her. She glanced over her shoulder and her mouth dropped open.
She snapped it closed and glared at me. “Following me around?”
“Chip Holland roofies girls. Thought you’d want to know.”
“Thanks, but someone else told me that and I cancelled the date with him. I’m going out with Charlie Greenhall. Any objections to him?”
“None. But I have a different warning for you about him.” I folded my arms across the back of her chair and leaned close enough to put my lips against her ear. “If he kisses you or touches you while you’re on your date, you won’t want to, but it’ll be my face you’ll see. You’ll compare the two of us and he’ll fall short.” I ran my hand along the side of her neck. “And if he makes love to you, he’ll never satisfy you because you’ll remember how I felt sliding in and out of you. You’ll think about my lips on your—”
“That’s not true!” Tana burst out angrily, then flushed with embarrassment when the professor paused in the middle of his speech.
He looked our direction over the top of his glasses and gestured to the doors at the back of the room. “Take the conversation outside, please.”
Tana grabbed her books and left the classroom, barely making it into the hallway before she said, “Damn you, Ryan. How could you do that to me?”
My heart beat hard, like I’d run a race. I had the feeling she was talking about more than what had just gone on, but I didn’t know if either of us could talk about that without all the hurt cropping up, tearing us apart all over again. “I came to warn you about Chip because I care. You said you mistook love for sex. Look me in the eye and tell me that. Tell me you never loved me.”
She lowered her head. “Why are you doing this?” Then she lifted her head and glared at me. “You know what, it doesn’t matter why you’re doing it. There’s nothing that you can say that will make me understand why you acted the way that you did. You broke my heart.”
I knew I had to take a chance even if it tore me apart. Had to open myself up. Lay it all on the line. “I did what I had to do because I love you.”
She jerked her head up to stare at me. “What?”
A couple of girls tried to pass us in the hallway and gave us curious glances. I gripped Tana’s elbow and guided us both out of the way. “Can we go somewhere private and talk?”
It felt like I waited an eternity before she nodded. Everything became a tightrope act as we walked down the hall toward the exit. For the first time in years, I couldn’t read Tana, couldn’t tell where her head was. I was afraid that if I said the wrong words or did the wrong thing, I’d lose her all over again.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
TANA
We went out into the parking lot and sat in the Charger and the familiar feel and scent of the car was almost my undoing. I had so many memories of riding in the car with him. Ryan started the car and cold air from the vents filled the interior. The January weather had dipped the temperatures. I huddled into my jacket while waiting for the car to warm up.
What Ryan had said didn’t make sense. How could he say that he loved me and yet have acted the way that he had?
As soon as the car was semi-warm, he started talking. “I lied to you and I kept lying to you because I didn’t believe that I had any other choice.”
“You were such a dick, not just once, Ryan, but repeatedly. Like an idiot, I kept on putting up with it. I felt so pathetic.”
“I know.” He reached for my hand, thought better of it and didn’t touch me. “Chanos gave me an ultimatum. I had to rejoin the gang or he would go after everyone that I cared about. Once I made the decision to do that to protect the people I love, I needed to push everyone away, especially you.”
He looked past me for a second as a car pulled into the lot. Then he refocused those gorgeous eyes on me again.” Abraham pointed out that by rejoining the gang, everyone I loved would be a target for a rival gang.” He laughed but it was a bitter laugh. “I was damned if I did and damned if I didn’t.”
“But why didn’t you just tell me that?”
“You would have insisted that we could find a way to be around each other. I’ve always thought of myself as strong, but you’re my greatest weakness. If anyone wants to hurt me, all they have to do is hurt you. I had to make you hate me so that you’d stay away.”
“It worked, didn’t it?”
“Yeah, it did. I made you hate me and it nearly destroyed both of us.”
I picked up my books and hugged them to my chest, afraid to trust what he was saying. “I don’t know what to think. What if something with your past or with Chanos crops up again?”
“He’s dead.”
Since I’d been on the information blackout, I hadn’t heard that. “What happened?”
“Clarke happened. I don’t want to talk about it.”
I tightened my fingers on the books. “That’s part of the problem, Ryan. You don’t talk about things that matter. You say that you love me, but you don’t let me in. And if you want to be with me, that’s the price you’ll have to pay. I don’t want any more secrets. You have to let me in. All the way.”
“Honey, there are things in my life that are too ugly for me to share with you.”
“All the way, Ryan.”
“I’ve never told anyone some of the stuff I carry around.”
“It’s time that you stopped carrying it alone. I want to know your hurts. I want you to tell me everything. Balls to the wall.”
He grinned and raised his eyebrows. “Balls to the wall?”
“Is it a deal?”
“I’ve got some real ugly demons, Tana.”
“Who the hell doesn’t? We can get together later this afternoon and talk if you decide you can do that.”
“I’m on my way back over to the garage. I have to be there for a while to take care of some stuff.”
“Then tonight. If you show, then we’ll go from that point. If you don’t, then I’ll have my answer. Okay?”
His eyes were solemn He was so handsome, so incredibly hot that I had to mentally smack myself to keep from jumping him. “I’ll be there.” Then he gave me that sexy smile of his and I had to smack harder.
The thought of letting myself be vulnerable with him again did scare me a little and I had to make him see how important it was that we talk honestly. “I’m warning you that this is it for us.”
“I said I’d be there, didn’t I?”
Feeling more hope than I’d felt in a long time, like I was coming out from under a dark cloud, I smiled at him. “Walk me to my next class?”
*
RYAN
Ryker pulled into the parking lot in a 1970 Mercury Cougar that all but purred. I walked out of the garage as he climbed from the car and rubbed his hand along the side of it. The car was blue with black hood stripes across the pronounced center. It was in mint condition. I whistled. “What’d you do to get this?”
“It’s part of a payment package.”
My smile faded. “You’re not bringing shit with you.”
“No. This is on the level. Just have to do a little babysitting.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Apparently they’ve heard some rumors and the king and queen want to make sure Princess Shelby is safe so they hired me to watch over her.”
I laughed my ass off. Ryker King was the least likely choice to put in charge of making sure a rich girl like Shelby was safe. They might as well have tossed her straight to the wolves. “How the hell did you convince them of that?”
Ryker grinned. “I didn’t. I was doing a little bit of security work and they approached the boss. He told them they wanted someone who would blend in with a college crowd and he had just the guy. College and moving expenses all paid up front. So I used a little of it to buy myself this baby.”
“You landed a security job with your record?”
“Juvie records are sealed. Besides, I was framed.”
“Shit, man.” I laughed again, then jerked my head toward the office. “I’ll show you the setup and then you can follow me back to the apartment. Lewis won’t care. You can crash there.”
Ryker walked beside me and then asked about Tana.
“I don’t know. We’re supposed to talk later and deal with some stuff.”
“Forget that shit. Dealing with stuff is girl code for getting her hooks into you. Better run while you can. Ten years from now, you’re gonna be married to that girl and on your way to be a daddy.”
“I’m already hooked.” I pulled open the door to the office. “I don’t want to run. Tana’s it for me.”
Ryker sighed. “Another good man brought down.”
“Wait until it happens to you.”
“No way. I’m all about the pussy buffet. All you can eat. I don’t like the single servings.”
I’d been that clueless once, too. I shook my head, wondering at my own stupidity. When my heart zeroed in on Tana, I’d developed tunnel vision. All I could see, all I wanted was her. I only hoped there was a way back from me living my life and Tana living hers to a life we shared.
Ryker looked around the office and took a deep breath. “We’re really doing this.”
“Yep.”
He shot me a look. “You think about him?”
I nodded. “Yeah. How’s Roman handling Clarke not being around?”
“Alright, I guess. He mostly goes to work and comes home. He did tell me to make sure we didn’t get too drunk. I passed the Line ‘Em Up bar on the way in. We should grab a few after we leave here.”
“I’m meeting Tana, but Lewis will go. Guy never passes a chance to drink.”
After I closed up the garage for the evening, Ryker followed me to the apartment and I introduced him to Lewis. As soon as they left to head to the bar, I went to get ready.
Opening up about my past to Tana would be hard, but if it meant being with her, that was a price I was willing to pay. I’d drag all the ugly demons I’d ever dealt with into the light and let her see them if that’s what it took. She might decide there was too much bad associated with me but I had to take that chance. While I wasn’t crazy at the thought of letting myself be vulnerable, it’s what she needed and I would give her anything she needed.
I finished my shower, wrapped a towel around my waist and started shaving. In a couple of hours, I’d let her see the darkest side of me that no one else knew about. With all my secrets out in the open, there would be no more demons that could hide, waiting for a chance to tear us apart. I had an hour before I needed to meet Tana so I took the time to eat some of the pizza left over from last night. I finished off a couple of slices, brushed my teeth again and my cell phone rang.
Lewis. I answered while searching for my keys at the same time. Then, realizing I’d left them in the jeans lying beside my bed, I walked back into the bedroom.
“You have to help.” His voice was high and agitated.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s Ryker. Some guy started shit and Ryker’s kicking his ass. The bartender already called the cops.”
Shit. The last thing Ryker needed was another arrest. “I’m on the way.” I hung up and looked at my watch. If I pushed it hard, I had time to get to the bar, put out this fire, and get back.
Line ‘Em Up lived up to its name. Filled with college students determined to have a good time, the bar was overcrowded, loud and smelled like stale pizza. The owner had a reputation for turning a blind eye to underage IDs. It wasn’t hard to locate Ryker. He was in the middle of the room, surrounded by broken chairs working some pretty boy over.
I waded through the crowd and slapped his shoulder. “Back the fuck off and let’s get out of here.”
“Are you his date, sweetheart?” A guy from the crowd yelled out.
I ignored him. “C’mon, Ryker.” I tried again when someone took a swing at me. I dodged the blow and warned the guy to back off. His friends goaded him on and he stepped closer and tried to hit me again. I took him down in a couple of punches, wanting nothing more than to just get the hell out of there.
I heard the soft snick of a knife opening and turned my head in time to see a guy lunging at Lewis who looked scared shitless. I stepped in, grabbed the guy’s arm and twisted his wrist backward, forcing him to drop it. One of the knife guy’s buddies clocked me on the side of the face which hurt like hell and really pissed me off. Then more of his buddies joined in. Five to one.
Ryker pushed his way beside me. Five to two.
Screaming like a girl, Lewis threw himself into the circle and gave me a thumbs up. Five to two and a half. Then it was on. I don’t know how long the fight lasted, but I managed to take down three of them while Ryker and Lewis worked on the other two. One second I was in the middle of swinging and the next I was slammed against a wall and gifted with a pair of handcuffs. Shit. My jaw throbbed but it was nothing like how my heart was racing. If they hauled me in, I wouldn’t make it to Tana on time.
I was led the back of a police car worrying a hundred miles a minute over Tana. I needed to call her. I had to let her know what happened. She’d think that I didn’t want to be with her if I didn’t show up. I couldn’t let her down.
It took a few hours to sort everything out. The officers talked to the bar owner who explained that I didn’t start the fight and had tried to avoid it. Then they talked to several witnesses who backed the owner’s story. Relieved and free, I headed toward Tana’s dorm.
