Текст книги "The First Last Boy"

Автор книги: Sonya Weiss

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Текущая страница: 12 (всего у книги 16 страниц)

Chapter Twenty-Two

TANA

I woke up alone in the bed with the memories of last night to keep me company. It had been different with him. The first time had been as wild and intense as attending a rock concert. This time was like a long, slow love ballad. I eased over and felt along the floor for my pajamas, dressing quickly.

My body was satiated, my heart full. There was no longer any denying that I loved Ryan and I wasn’t going to lie to myself about it anymore. I wandered into the kitchen. There was a note on the table and I recognized Ryan’s handwriting. Left the Charger so you could get to the hospital. The keys were beside the note. After I reread the words, I felt a little deflated, then I immediately chastised myself.

Ryan didn’t owe me anything. He’d never promised me anything. I was the one who’d thrown myself at him. I was the one who’d broken his rule by falling in love with him. I set about getting some breakfast together and Mark appeared, yawning and rubbing his head.

“I can make oatmeal,” I said.

When he hesitated, I added, “It’s the microwave kind with fruit.”

“Okay.” He poured himself some juice and sat down. “Did Ryan leave?”

“He did.”

“I wanted to give him these.” Mark set a miniature collection of superhero figures on the table.

“You can give them to him when you see him tonight.”

“But I wanted him to have them before the fight.”

Trying to keep a casual tone, hoping Mark knew more than he’d said, I asked “What fight is that?”

“The one he’s fighting for you.”

I dropped the box of oatmeal and bent to retrieve it. “Why is Ryan fighting for me?” A myriad of different reasons ran through my mind but none of them made any sense.

“For money.”

“Did you tell you this?”

Mark shook his head. “I heard him talking to Juvante on the phone this morning.”

“I want to talk to him.” I picked up my phone and Mark waved his hand. “Stop! You can’t call. You’ll wreck his concentration.”

“Tell me what you know, Mark.”

“I know I’m hungry.”

I took a bowl from the cabinet, set it on the counter and stuck some water in the microwave to heat. “Now tell me.”

“He makes money to give to you if he fights.”

*

RYAN

Juvante and I waited in his car until others arrived. We were in the lower level of a parking garage in the heart of Michigan. Construction equipment lined the outside of the garage waiting to be set to use. The garage was being redone so the employees of the financial building across the street had to park elsewhere. This gave us the space we needed. We’d be long gone before they even showed up for work anyway.

As a group of guys and a few of their girlfriends exited their cars, Juvante and I joined them.

“Ryan, man, never thought I’d see the day,” a guy I knew as Eddy greeted.

I nodded at him and Juvante slung his arm across my shoulder. “I watched an old fight someone videotaped of Bobby. He likes the left. Retreats, then he goes for a kidney punch.”

I wiped my nose with the back of my hand, feeling the adrenaline start to flow. We didn’t have to wait long for a circle of people to form. The referee, a slender guy in a backward ball cap walked into the center area and started pointing out the obvious. “Watch the columns. Keep it clean.”

Bobby and I shook hands, then I walked to my side and he did the same. The sea of people pressed together, making a human boxing ring. If I had to guess, I’d say there was at least forty guys. The referee called out our first names and fight records, then stepped back and clapped his hands.

I knew this one would be easy. Bobby had a few more pounds on me, but he wasn’t good with follow through. He wasn’t from the streets and thought about his moves too long before he acted. That always cost him. There was no time to think in the fight. You hit or you got hit. Pretty damn simple.

Bobby danced forward, shifting his feet quickly and threw out a round of air jabs. I dodged his hands and slid close to land a hard blow to his abdomen, putting my weight behind it, making it count.

He grunted and winced and immediately dodged to the left. Not giving him any respite, my next jab caught his ribs. He grunted again and with his arms up, fists locked at his face, he surged forward and landed a blow on the side of my arm. Just what I was waiting for. While he had his arm out, he’d left an opening. I snaked my hand in and landed a blow to the side of his jaw. He staggered backward, his teeth slamming together in a hard snap.

The crowd cheered.

“C’mon, Ryan! Slide him to right,” Juvante called out.

A girl in the group yelled, “Take that jab!”

Someone else said, “Get away from the column!”

We wove our way back toward each other and I landed a one-two at Bobby’s jaw. He wrapped his arms around my sides. The referred rushed forward. “Break clean, break clean,” he yelled.

We broke and Bobby launched himself at me. I hit him with another series of jabs one after another and he staggered, dropping to one knee. The people who’d bet on him screamed his name, telling him to get his ass up. Bobby rose and shook his head, trying to clear away the sting.

I blocked out the sound of the crowd and focused on taking Bobby out of the fight. The third time he dropped and tried to stand back up, he kept staggering and falling. The referee waved his hands, indicating that I’d won, and the crowd erupted with cheers before they surged forward, slapping me on the back.

I pushed forward and extended my hand to Bobby. He was leaning on another guy for help walking out but gave me a lopsided grin and shook my hand. Juvante and another guy started divvying up money, then we all headed our separate ways.

“Your take.” Juvante laughed as he handed me the cash. I folded it and shoved it in my pocket. “Man, I need to forget about the Marines and manage fights. Can you imagine what we’d clear if you could do a few fights a day?”

Once in the car, I leaned back in the seat. After the adrenaline rush left and the fight high wore off, it always left me feeling sluggish for a little while. “You stick with the Marines. There’s no future in the fights.”

“Yeah, uh huh. You mean there’s no future with Tana in it.”

“Don’t start. One week, that’s all I can do this and then I’m with Chanos.”

Juvante thought for a second. “I don’t mean to sound like a girl, but I’m worried about you going back in this time. Got a bad feeling that you won’t make it out alive.”

Chapter Twenty-Three

TANA

At two o’clock in the afternoon, Mom opened her eyes. My world, the one that had gone dark the day my mom had been shot suddenly filled with light. I’d wept until my makeup was a smeared mess and I had no more tears left. For half an hour, we’d been able to sit and talk to her. Though she’d been groggy and a little slow to respond, she’d known who we were and had been able to follow the conversation. If all went well and he saw improvement, the doctor had said she should be able to come home possibly in a week.

On the way home, Mark and I celebrated by stopping for milkshakes and fries. He was still talking about all the things he wanted to tell Mom as I pulled the Charger into the driveway behind Brooklyn’s car.

“Hey! Want some fries?” Digging my house key out of my purse, I noticed Brooklyn wasn’t smiling, though she was trying hard to put one on. I pushed open the front door and Mark barreled through. “I’ll be right in,” I said, then turned to Brooklyn. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s about Ryan.”

I grabbed her arm. “Oh my God. He was going to fight. Did something happen to him? Is he hurt?” My heart pounded. I started back down the steps to the car. I had to get to him.

“Ow. No.” She rubbed her arm. “I don’t know if I should even tell you this and I don’t even know if it’s true. My brother heard something.”

A premonition welled up inside of me. I didn’t want to know but I had to know. “Tell me.”

“Gabe said that your mom’s shooting...she wasn’t the target. You were.”

Someone had wanted to kill me? My legs couldn’t hold me up any longer. I sank onto the top step and clutched my purse to my chest like a shield. “But who’d want to shoot me?”

“Chanos.”

“Chanos? I only saw him at the garage. Ryan knows the guy, but why would he want to shoot me?”

“Rumor is that the shooting was retaliation for his brothers taking his drugs.”

Fear raced up and down my spine like a mouse running from a cat. “Your brother has to be mistaken. Ryan would have told me. He wouldn’t have kept something like this from me.” The minute I said the words, I knew that I was wrong. “I have to go see him. I need him to look me in the eye and tell me that he didn’t know the person who did this.” I put my hand up to my trembling lips.

“I’m sorry, Tana.”

“Could you stay with Mark?”

“No problem.”

I jumped back into the Charger and took off, barely able to see through the tears, barely able to breathe. Please, let it be a mistake. Please don’t let Ryan have known and kept it from me. Please.

*

RYAN

Abraham hadn’t said two words to me since I’d walked in this morning after he’d seen my scraped knuckles. Finally, when I couldn’t take the silence any longer, I threw down the rag and walked away from the Taurus I’d been working on. Pushing open the door of his office, I said, “Go ahead and say it.”

Swiveling around in his chair, he stared through the window across the parking lot for a second. I knew he’d talk once he gathered his thoughts, so I waited. He turned back to face me and his dark eyes searched my face before he said softly, “I don’t have anything to say. Is there something you want to say to me?”

“I’m only doing them for a week.” I rubbed the back of my knuckles. “And it’s not that I wanted to do it. Tana used her college money to pay the hospital. I can’t let her give up college. It’s her dream.”

Abraham blinked. “I wasn’t asking about the fighting.”

“Well, then what?”

He leaned back. “Your friend Chanos came to see me after you left yesterday.”

My face tightened. “He’s not my friend.”

“He sure talked like he was. Telling me that I didn’t have to worry about security, that his crew was going to make sure the garage was off limits.”

Shit.

He rose and hit my arm with the back of his hand. “SB. Southtown Brothers. That’s him, too?”

I nodded.

“I thought so.” His eyes sparked with what looked like disappointment. “You said you were out.”

“I was.”

“Are you back in?”

“Not yet.”

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “When?”

“Saturday.”

“You’re making a mistake.”

“No. This is me paying for past mistakes so Chanos won’t hurt...forget it.” I swallowed hard and began unzipping my overalls. “I understand. You don’t want me around.”

“You take those overalls off, son, and you’re fired.”

I stopped. “You’re not firing me?”

“For what? Being part of something you don’t want to be a part of? Do you think you’re the only man who ever crossed a line to protect someone he loved?” He looked out through the open garage doors at the sound of a car pulling up in front of the garage.

I’d know that engine anywhere. I walked out into the bay in time to see Tana climb from the Charger. A tearful Tana. She slammed the door behind her and crossed her arms giving me the hardest look she’d ever given me. “Brooklyn told me something but I’m asking you to tell me the rumors are lies. Please tell me that you didn’t know who was behind my mother’s shooting.”

I started toward her, knowing the end of us was here, knowing I had to let her go but I hadn’t thought it would come this soon.

She backed away with her hand up. “Stop. Answer me. Do you know who shot my mother?”

“I have a pretty good idea.”

“Did you know before they shot her that it was going to happen?”

“What?”

“Did you?”

I could feel the burn spread through my body that she would think that way. Folding my arms across my chest, I stared at her, letting her think what she wanted.

“You knew things about my mother getting hurt that you didn’t share. You probably didn’t tell the detectives working on the case either.”

“They never would have pinned it on him.”

“And you know this because of your days on the street, right? Good old, Ryan. Keeping everyone at arm’s length. You should have told me. How am I supposed to ever trust you again?”

I’d known the break between us had to happen but I hadn’t expected to feel like I was being ripped in two. “What do you want me to say, Tana?”

“You knew about it.” She said it like she was in shock, then captured a strand of hair and put it behind her ear. Her T-shirt raised a little and I could see the mark where my lips had been on her abdomen. “You have so many secrets, Ryan. I don’t think I can handle knowing that you kept information about my mom’s shooting from me.” I let her work though it in her mind for a few minutes, then she demanded, “I need some answers about everything from what happened with my mom to why you’re fighting for money.”

I debated for half a second then decided to at least give her this so that maybe someday she would realize that it wasn’t that I hadn’t cared. I didn’t ever want her to think she wasn’t enough. “It’s for your college tuition.”

“I don’t want it.”

I took another step closer. “I won’t let you give up on your dream.”

“I don’t want money you earned because you spilled someone else’s blood.”

“It’s not like that.” A customer pulled into the parking lot. I glanced at the truck and said, “We’ll finish talking about this tonight.” Tonight, I would tell her we were done, that I couldn’t even be her friend anymore. I would make it swift and I would make it brutal so that she never came around again.

“No. By not telling me what you knew about mom, you lied by omission and I can’t stand to even look at you. Your things will be on the porch when you pick up your car. Don’t bother to knock on the door and don’t call me.” She wouldn’t look at me as she climbed into the car and backed from the parking lot.

From behind me, Abraham said. “Ryan, can you file that paperwork on my desk? I’ll take care of this customer.”

My heart exploding, I went into the office and sat in his chair. There was no paperwork. That was simply a phrase Abraham used in front of a customer when he wanted to talk to me.

A few minutes later, he walked in, shut the door behind him and said, “I heard the conversation with her. Start from the beginning and tell me the whole story.”

I didn’t leave anything out and by the time I was through, Abraham was pacing the small space. He’d listened wordlessly until I was through.

“You think Chanos is going to keep his word to leave everyone alone?”

“As long as I’m in, he will because he knows I’ll be close enough to end him if he touches anyone.”

He stroked his goatee. “But it won’t hurt to be extra careful. Get them all out of your life. If you survive the jumping in, you’ve got to cut all your ties. Chanos might not be a threat to your loved ones after you’re back in but that’s not saying a rival gang won’t be.”

“I already thought about that.” The life I’d built after walking away from the gang was done. The hard sonofabitch I’d been on the streets was back.

When I walked to the door, ready to get the dismantling of my life over with, Abraham’s voice sounded as if it came from far away. “Hang on a second. There is something else you can do. My cousin owns a garage not far from the college where Tana’s planning on attending. He’s getting old and has been after me for years to buy him out. I can do that and let you work it until you can save up enough to buy me out.” He studied me. “You’d probably need to take some business management classes, but that’s an option for you.”

Before Chanos, I would have jumped at the chance. “Chanos is a vindictive bastard. He’d only follow me and having him that close to Tana is something I can’t risk.”

“I understand, but if anything changes, the offer stands.”

I nodded knowing that nothing would change.

Chapter Twenty-Four

TANA

A few minutes before seven, a car pulled into the driveway. I’d braced myself since leaving the garage, waiting for Ryan to knock on the door and explain why he’d done what he had. Waiting for my phone to ring. Both were silent. Then I heard the Charger fire up. The engine was strong and loud. I peeked out and saw that it was Ryan. He backed the car up, then the growls it emitted grew softer and softer until I couldn’t hear them.

Mark had seen me put Ryan’s things on the porch and had screamed at me, then cried. Now he was in his room refusing to eat and not speaking to me.

“Give Mark time,” Shelby said. She and Brooklyn had both arrived when I’d called, crying, nearly hysterical, and barely able to talk. We’d binge-watched Vampire Diaries followed by old episodes of Gossip Girl and now with the television off, the silence was too heavy.

Finally, Brooklyn said, “So that’s it?”

“My mom was shot because of Ryan.”

“Your mom was shot because someone’s an asshole,” Shelby spoke up in a sharp tone, uncharacteristic of the way she usually spoke. “I’m not trying to be a bitch here and I’d be hurt and all kinds of mad if he’d kept it from me, but he didn’t cause it to happen.”

“I feel so guilty for saying anything.” Brooklyn slouched back on the sofa. “Gabe told me that Ryan’s got ties to some bad shit and that flared up. That’s why her mom was shot.”

“Did Ryan stir it up?” Shelby demanded.

“When I was at the garage and Chanos came by before my mom was shot, he said something about Ryan’s brothers and drugs.”

“Well that figures. I’ll bet it was Clarke and Roman. How can you hold Ryan responsible for something those idiots did?” Shelby said.

“Because he could have told me the truth about it when it happened and he didn’t. He could have steered the police in the right direction and then the person who did it would have to pay and wouldn’t still be walking around free,” I said.

Shelby sighed. “I can’t figure out shit in my own head much less Ryan’s, so I don’t know why he didn’t tell you the truth. As for the person paying for it, you don’t know that. People get away with stuff all the time. But you and Ryan have been friends for so long that maybe you should just ask him why he didn’t tell you.”

“She’s right. Maybe he has a good reason,” Brooklyn said.

“There’s no good reason for what happened or for him not telling me.” I left the two of them sitting in the living room and went to check on Mark. Maybe I could entice him to eat something if I bribed him with what he really liked. I knocked and opened his door. He was stretched out on his bed, his chin jutting out. “Go away.”

The bedroom window was open, the curtain blowing inward gently from the breeze.

His backpack rested against his bed and overflowed with his favorite toys and books. “Going somewhere?”

“I’m running away.”

“I see. Okay. I’ll pack my backpack and come with you.”

He twisted his head around to look and scowled up at me. “You’re not invited.”

“You can’t run away alone. It’s a rule.”

“I never heard that.”

“It’s true.” I nodded. “It’s in the health book you get in high school.”

He crossed his arms. “It doesn’t matter. I won’t be alone.”

“Are you taking one of your friends with you?”

He nodded. “Ryan.”

The sound of the Charger revved in the driveway. Then the horn blew. Mark grabbed his backpack and marched toward the window. I raced from his room and was outside at the driver’s side of the car before Mark could finish climbing out of the house.

Ryan lowered the window.

My heart lurched when his eyes met mine. “What the hell do you think you’re doing, Ryan?”

“He called me and said he was running away. I talked him into waiting for me.”

“He’s not leaving with you.”

“Could you stop the pissing contest for one second and think? If he doesn’t feel like he accomplished running away, he’ll try again and next time he might succeed. Without someone to watch over him.”

Mark reached the side of the Charger and opened the passenger door. He put his bag in, then followed it, fastening his seatbelt and staring through the windshield.

I nodded and leaned in. “I love you, Creature.”

Mark jutted out his chin and wouldn’t answer.

Ryan rolled the window up and backed from the driveway. I watched as the two guys I loved most in the world drove away.

*

RYAN

“Why didn’t you answer Tana when she said she loved you?”

Mark gave me a sideways glance. “Because I’m mad at her.”

“A man never misses a chance to tell his family he loves them even if he’s mad at them.”

“Oh. Is that in the health book, too?”

“What?” I shook my head, wondering what the hell he was talking about. “Why are you mad at her?”

“Because she kicked you out.”

“That’s not Tana’s fault. I had to leave. We needed to make room for your Mom to come back.”

“You could stay until she came home.”

“Tell you what. Why don’t we go see your mom right now and you can talk to her about all this.”

“Cool.” Mark bounced in the seat.

When we arrived at the hospital, Mama Leena was standing beside the hospital bed. Tana’s mom was awake and talking but still tired and a little groggy. The second she saw me, Mama Leena motioned me from the room.

“Stay in the room with your mom,” I told Mark.

Mama Leena led the way to the waiting room. She searched my face. “Abraham called. He told me what’s going on in your life.”

“Yeah.”

“I love you, Ryan. I love you as much as if I’d given birth to you and you will always be my son. Don’t do what you’re about to do. Please. For me.”

“It’s already done.”

She put a pleading hand on my arm. “You know my rules. You can’t stay in my house and be part of that world. It’s dangerous for you. I will not watch you self-destruct.”

“I already know that.”

Tears welled up in her eyes as she searched my face. “Where are you going to stay?”

Like Abraham had said, I knew what I had to do. Push the people that I cared about away from me to keep them safe. I put a sneer on my lips. “Hell, if you’re kicking me out, what the fuck does it matter where I stay? I’ll get Juvante to pack up my stuff.”

I expected her to stiffen up and get mad but instead, she asked softly, “Why’d you give Ms. Shaw your mother’s necklace?”

“It doesn’t mean anything to me.”

Mama Leena’s eyes saw past the smokescreen. “I don’t believe you.”

I shrugged. “You’re good at believing in lost causes so that doesn’t surprise me.”

“Does she know you were the one who gave it to her?”

“No.”

The tears slipped down her face. “Okay, Ryan. If you change your mind about the direction that you’re heading in, come home.”

I forced a laugh, hating myself for what I had to do “I’ve never had a fucking home. I’m not your son and you sure as hell aren’t my mother.”

Her face paled and her lips trembled before she tightened them. “Okay, Ryan.”

I had to work to keep from hitting my knees at the ripped apart expression on her face. I had to fight to keep from telling her that I was sorry and hadn’t meant what I’d said.

“Goodbye, son.”

She left me standing in the waiting room. One down. I blinked a few times and then went back to Mark. Pulling a few dollars from my wallet, I handed them to him and told him to get a drink and a snack. He took the money and ran off toward the vending machines.

“Ryan,” Ms. Shaw smiled weakly at me. “Mark told me you’ve been helping.”

I pulled the chair up close to her bed. “I have to tell you something before he returns. Tana spent her college money to pay the hospital. I’m getting it back for her but she won’t take it from me so I’m going to pay it directly to the college for her tuition. That’ll cover her first year. If you’re well enough by then, I need you to make sure she goes in September like she planned. I’ll make sure there’s enough to pay her second year, too.”

“Oh, Ryan.”

She was looking at me like I was a savior. “It was my fault you were shot. Someone from my past was sending a message to me. Don’t worry. I’m going to stay away from all of you and I’ll make sure it never happens again.”

Mark came back into the room with a soda and a pack of candy before Ms. Shaw could respond to that. He offered me some and when I shook my head, he said, “Mom says I’m not allowed to run away until I’m an adult.”

“I’m afraid that’s true,” I said.

“That sucks.”

“Your mom needs to rest, so tell her goodnight and I’ll take you home.”

Mark climbed up on the bed and kissed his mom on the cheek, then scrambled down.

Ms. Shaw looked at me a little less friendly now but I’d expected that. “Thank you, Ryan.”

“See ya.”

Mark’s step was lighter as he walked along beside me. “Mom said when she comes home we’ll make a tent in the living room and camp out.”

“That’ll be fun,” I said.

“Can you come too?”

“My life is going to be crazy, so probably not. But tell you what, you can call me or text me any time you want to.”

“Yeah. Cause we’re buddies,” Mark said as he hopped back into the Charger.

He chatted all the way back to his house about all the fun things he was going to do once his mom came home and how he was going to keep his room clean before she even asked.

I pulled into the driveway and Mark wrested his bag up. “Are you coming in?”

“No, I need to go.”

Tana was waiting on the porch. She hurried to the Charger and opened the passenger door.

“Mom says I can’t run away until I’m adult,” Mark announced. He rooted through his pack and offered me a Spiderman figurine. “It’s my favorite.”

“It’s nice.” I tried to hand it back to him, but he wouldn’t take it.

“You can play with it,” he said.

Tana ruffled his hair. “Go inside and eat. Brooklyn fixed hamburgers.”

She slid into the spot on the front seat that Mark had vacated before I could stop her. “I’ve gone over and over it in my head what happened with my Mom. I’m really upset that you didn’t tell me but—”

“Tana?”

“What?”

Needing to make her hate me, I said, “I’m done with this fucking soap opera. Get out of my car.”

Her mouth dropped open.

“Everything is too hard with you. I like my girls easy and drama free.”

“But...the other night...was so nice...and in the laundry room you said that when I was at college you wanted me to remember that you wished things could be different when I thought of you.”

“I was probably tired and it was hard to think straight with you in your bra and panties. Guys will say anything when they’ve got a boner.”

“But...”

It was taking every bit of strength I had to push her away, to hurt her the way that I was doing. But if I didn’t, if I stuck around and she ended caught in a web Chanos spun, if she got hurt or worse, I couldn’t take it. I had to get her out of my life. I loved her and I wanted to protect her, but I would do that from a distance. When she called my name in a pleading whisper, I said, “Jesus, Tana. Do I have to spell it out for you? There’s someone else.”

“I don’t believe you. I thought...”

“You thought because we screwed a few times that we had a relationship. And let me guess. You’re in love with me even after I told you not to let that happen.” I rubbed my hand on the steering wheel.

“I am in love with you.”

How the demons of my past must be rejoicing that what I’d wanted all my life...a home...love...and a family...would always be beyond my reach. “I don’t love you. If you get horny and want a fuck, you can call me. If I’m not busy with another girl—”

She choked back a sob, opened the door and got out, slamming the door before I finished. She ran into the house.

Two down. The pain in my heart felt like someone turned an alligator loose inside my body and he was going for the death roll. I was drowning in the pain. I drove away and before I even reached the stop sign at the end of her street, I had to pull over to collect myself. The Spiderman figure stared sightlessly at me in mocking reminder of what I’d lost. I put it in the glovebox and drove on to finish breaking all the hearts I needed to break.