Текст книги "Toxic"

Автор книги: Rachel Van Dyken

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Chapter Eight

I couldn’t get him out of my mind. Which was so stupid if you asked me. I dreamt of his stupid music note tattoos and that ridiculous kiss. I needed to get out more or something if I was dreaming of the devil and actually looking forward to falling asleep so I could dream of him again. —Saylor

Saylor

It had been two days since my run-in with Blue Eyes, aka Asshat. I was beginning to think he wasn’t real. I mean, he played the piano like a dream but he wasn’t in the music program – at all. Not that I shamelessly searched for any sign of him in all of my classes.

Or Facebook stalked him.

Or asked the dean of the department.

I was curious. That was it.

Besides, he was never in my building.

And I was in that building twenty-four seven.

Great, was I really practicing so hard that I’d started hallucinating?

I shook my head as I walked down the hall toward the practice room. So what if it was at the exact same time I’d been there a few days past? Was it wrong to feel hopeful that I’d hear that music again? It was my practice time —the only time I could manage to fit it in my schedule!

That man could be the devil himself – and probably was if his earlier behavior was any indication – and all it would take would be one song and I’d be putty. That’s why musicians were dangerous, they made you forget yourself. The core of who you are can be so easily lost in music. They were our modern day sirens, wielding the power of persuasion with their gift. And the rest of the human population had no choice but to be caught in the trap. It was worse for a fellow musician because they could actually appreciate the raw talent and skill. It was beyond something sounding good – it was about life coming together for a few brief seconds while notes mixed. I shuddered.

I wondered if anyone had ever taken the time to tell him how amazing he was at the piano. How I’d kill to have that type of talent at my fingertips. My greedy little musician heart wanted to sit in the same practice room as him and just savor the moment.

“Geez, Saylor,” I mumbled to myself. “Get a grip. Focus. Practice. Graduate.” I reaffirmed my mantra with a nod as I repeated it to myself.

And then I heard singing.

The melody was familiar. I listened closer. The song spoke of messing up, being the reason for your own mistakes, and then walking away from someone you loved. My breath caught as he sang it perfectly. Parachute had always been one of my favorite bands.

My heart started slamming against my chest as I took a tentative step toward the practice room.

He was at the piano, his hands flying across the ivory keys like he was Mozart’s long lost prodigy. His voice was like – nothing I’d ever heard. So honest, so raw, so much pain came out of that mouth, that for some reason I felt like crying.

I gasped as he stopped playing and then with a yell hit the piano with his hands, over and over again like he wanted to hurt, like the song was pissing him off, along with everything else in the world.

Without thinking, I opened the door. “You probably shouldn’t destroy school property like that.” What was I? The piano police? Kill me now. The door slammed behind me and took all the oxygen with it.

His hands froze midair, with a curse he turned and stared right through me. His blue eyes were cold. Slowly, he stood and stalked toward me. “What are you going to do about it, little girl? Tattle?”

“Sure,” I said in a confident voice. “If you want to pick a fight, at least choose something that can punch back.” I was officially the worst trash talker on the face of the planet. Why hadn’t I disappeared into the floor already?

“Maybe I like it when people don’t fight back,” he snapped.

“If you’re that angry the last thing you need is to get into trouble. It will just make you more angry.”

“Says Miss Perfect,” he growled. “Tell me, is it curiosity, or are you really just stalking me? Taking me up on my first offer?”

“First offer?”

He leaned closer to me and offered a half grin. “To make your pony blush.”

I felt my cheeks burn as I glanced down at the carpeted floor.

“Oh, so you are taking me up on my offer.” He grinned and trapped me against the door. “Maybe it will help your music.”

“I don’t need help,” I murmured, still not looking up.

“Passion.” He ignored me, leaning in so I could almost taste him. “Music and passion are one. And I’ve never seen anyone so lacking in my entire life.”

I flinched as if he’d just slapped me across the face. With a grunt, I tried to push him away from me but he wouldn’t move.

“I’m a great tutor.”

“I don’t doubt it. But I’m not interested in a one night stand.”

“So you say.” His hand moved down my arm. I shivered. “But your body says something else entirely.” His lips grazed my ear and then my neck. I arched toward him, not realizing that I was pressed fully against him until it was too late. His warm chuckle should have infuriated me. Instead, it made me want to reach out, to touch him back.

See? He was a damn siren!

His mouth found mine, and I was lost. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice… well…

I’d never been one of those girls. The girl that kissed random strangers. I mean, seriously. I really did have a purple pony in my room.

His tongue found mine. I moaned as his hands tugged at my shirt. He smelled like fresh soap and spices. I wrapped my arms around his neck.

With a growl he pulled back, his eyes flashing. “We doing this here?”

“Wh-what?” My eyes darted round the room with confusion. What was he talking about? Palms sweaty, I wiped them on my jeans and took a hesitant step away from his muscled body.

His mocking chuckle vibrated off the walls of the room. “So, we doing it here? Or did you have someplace special you wanted to go for your first time? I mean, normally I don’t do charity cases, but I could light a candle if you want.”

I reared back, tears burning at the back of my throat. He caught my hand mid air.

“Tsk–tsk… and I’m the one who needs anger management.” He winked. “Nice playing with you, Freshman, but if you don’t wanna play then you’re just wasting my time, and I’m really…” His eyes darkened. “…really careful how I spend my time.”

“I think I may hate you,” I breathed.

“Hate’s a good emotion.” He finally released me. “Fill your heart with hate, then maybe it won’t hurt as much. That’s what I always say.” His smile was sad as he calmly stepped away. “Use it.”

“Wh-what?” My head was still spinning.

“The hate. Use it while you play.”

I opened my mouth to respond, but he was already halfway down the hallway by the time I could think of anything smart in response.

Once he reached the end of the hall he called back, “Interrupt my private session again, and I’ll take that as an invitation. Believe me, you don’t want to experience that, especially since you hate me.”

As he disappeared around the corner, I let out the breath I’d been holding. Clearly, I’d completely lost my mind. My lips buzzed from our kiss. I should have run away. I should have slapped him! Instead I let him maul me… again.

Stressed. That was it. I was stressed and overworked and it didn’t help that when I’d pleaded for the second time this week to get out of the stupid Freshman Seminar project, my professor had threatened me. Again.

I was going to have to start practicing late at night if I had any hope to impress the professors at the end-of-the-year recital. My scholarship depended on my ability to play.

My ability to make the professors believe I was worth the free ride they’d given me at this school.

Shaking thoughts of the dark stranger away from my head, I decided to stay in the same practice room he’d left. After all, I was already there and it wasn’t like he was coming back.

Maybe some of his talent would rub off on me.

I didn’t play like that.

I wasn’t raw.

I was practiced.

To be out of control the way he was? To let the music decide what it was going to do and when – I didn’t have that. I was lacking in the passion department.

My professors all said my music was perfect – but cold.

If I was cold – he was on fire.

Two hours. I had two hours to practice before I had to meet up with my class partner and go over plans for our project.

I set my notes and music on the piano and focused on the keys. My fingers tingled as I touched the ivory – they tingled when I thought of his hands.

For once in my life I wanted to know what it felt like to be free.

But something told me – the guy who had just left this room was anything but – he was trapped, and by the conviction in the song he sang – it was all his own doing.

Chapter Nine

Music is life – maybe that’s why I’d abandoned it for so long. I didn’t feel like I deserved life – not anymore. —Gabe H.

Gabe

I leaned against the wall as the music from the practice room filtered faintly into the hallway.

She was perfect.

Her timing.

The way the notes flowed together.

But I felt nothing.

The moment had finally come, the moment when music no longer made me feel. I wanted to hate her for barging in on me, for correcting me, for being so annoying and pretty at the same time.

For being one of those girls who actually fascinated me.

She’d tasted good. Kissing her had been a giant-assed mistake, because for some reason, I knew her lips were going to haunt me, the way her mouth felt against mine.

The last time I felt something while kissing someone was four years ago and that hadn’t ended well.

Her spunk reminded me of Kiersten.

Great, that’s just what I needed… to lust after my best friends fiancée.

I stayed in the hallway for an hour. I listened as she changed from piece to piece, each one of them perfectly flawless but void of emotion.

For some reason, it made me sad.

Music wasn’t really music unless your soul was exposed, unless your heart was either bursting or breaking.

And hers… was doing neither.

Then again, who was I to judge? I would have used the piano for kindling if she hadn’t barged in on me.

With a sigh, I leaned back against the wall and closed my eyes. What if. Damn, I hated those two words.

“Are you lost?” A female voice asked.

I opened my eyes, a girl the size of a middle schooler was looking at me like I was the ghost of Christmas past. Her eyes went wide as she looked at my neck and then lower. Yeah, I really didn’t fit the part of Musical Performance major.

“No,” I said curtly, closing my eyes again.

“You look familiar.”

My eyes opened, and then realization seemed to dawn in that smart little head of hers.

“Gotta run.” I pushed away from the wall.

“Wait, has anyone ever told you, that you look a lot like—”

“Adam Levine?” I interrupted. “All the freaking time. See ya.”

Close call, close call. I ran out of the building, pausing only to look at my reflection in the window.

Damn it.

My hair was beginning to lighten again. How had I not noticed that? I was starting to get careless – lazy.

And my entire existence depended on keeping my secret from the world.

I made a mental note to stop off at the drug store and grab some more hair dye.

The guy with the sandy brown hair and smiling eyes was gone – and I’d replaced him with an imposter – a picture of what I felt like on the inside.

Dark.

An empty void.

Chapter Ten

Ashton freaking Hyde, how I loathe you! My roommate had found out about my obsession and littered my walls with his sexy face. I guess there were worse things to stare at. Damn his blue eyes. —Saylor

Saylor

By the time Tuesday rolled around, I was dragging my feet. All the late night practices were getting to me and I still couldn’t get Sexy Stranger out of my mind. Yes, I’d officially resorted to calling him Sexy Stranger.

Ugh.

I walked back toward the dorms. I’d promised my study partner I’d stop by and go over our plans for our freshman project. I’d only met her once, but she seemed really nice. Added bonus, she seemed like the type of girl who didn’t make the other person do all the work.

I kept my head down as people walked by me. Being a social butterfly was never high on my priority list. Plus, I never really knew what to do when people looked at me. Was I supposed to smile? Wave? I always felt awkward and uncomfortable and then there was that whole long hallway scenario. Seriously. What are you supposed to do when you and one other person are on opposite ends of the hall walking by one another? Five minutes into walking and it’s like, okay, let’s just acknowledge that each of us are attempting to pay attention to everything but each other and then, boom, at the last minute, “Oh hey I didn’t see you there, what’s up?” Lame.

I reached for the door to the building and stumbled backward into something hard. “Whoa there,” an amused voice said from behind me bracing my shoulders. “You okay?”

I nodded and turned to face whoever saved me from a concussion. Of course, as luck would have it, Football God, also known as the great Wes Michels, was my savior.

Naturally, because life was just that cruel. And I clearly hadn’t had enough embarrassing moments in the past three days to last me a lifetime.

Unable to find my voice, I lifted my hands to my temples, faking the whole dizzy thing, buying me enough time to say in a voice that sounded like a three year old, “Thank you.”

“No problem.” He shrugged then opened the door for me. I walked past him, straight toward the elevator.

He followed.

I pressed up.

He stepped in with me.

I moved to the farthest corner of the tiny box and waited for the floor to ding. The minute the doors open, I nearly collided with another person getting in, but was able to sidestep the harried genderless student who was hidden behind an armload of textbooks and make my way down to Room 226.

Balancing my bag in one arm, I lifted my hand to knock when that same voice said from behind me.

“You a friend of Gabe’s?”

“Who?” I whipped around. “Is that who lives here?” With shaking hands I gripped the piece of paper with Lisa’s contact information. “I was actually looking for Lisa. We’re in the same business seminar class and we’re doing a project together, but I can be super forgetful, so I’ll just text her and see if I wrote down the wrong number and—”

“Whoa.” Weston held up his hands. “Totally wasn’t meaning to scare you shitless… Lisa lives here, and she probably won’t hear you knock on account that on Taco Tuesday she turns up Mexican music so loud the rest of the building complains.”

“Taco Tuesday?” I repeated.

“You’ll see.” He sighed and reached behind me, pushing the door open. “Lisa!”

He yelled like a football player. I winced as my ears started ringing.

“What!” Lisa yelled from somewhere in the apartment.

And he was right, the music was crazy loud. I couldn’t even hear myself think, thanks to both the mariachi notes and the fact that Weston had just yelled in my right ear.

“Someone’s here to see you!” he yelled back just as a girl walked out of one of the bedrooms. I recognized her immediately – Kiersten, Football God’s fiancée. You’d have to be living on a different planet not to know their story.

He fights cancer, she fights for him, they fight together, he proposes during football game and what do ya know? He’s miraculously healed! They were a living, walking, breathing Hallmark Movie.

“Oooo, are you a friend of Gabe’s?” Kiersten’s eyes widened with amusement as she stepped into Weston’s arms. He kissed her on the head, and started toying with a piece of her dark red hair.

“Who’s Gabe?” I said for a second time.

“Stupid dry spell!” Lisa yelled again from somewhere in the kitchen. At this point I still hadn’t seen her.

“Am I missing something?” I said as loud as my voice was capable of going, which wasn’t very loud.

“It’s a damn choice!” An even louder male voice said behind me. I could have sworn the hair on my arms stood on end as I slowly turned to face the owner of the voice, hoping, praying that I was wrong.

“You!” We shouted in unison. I dropped my bag to the floor and held my hands in the air like I’d just gotten mugged and was about to drop his ass, when really every meeting with him had gone far, far differently.

Gabe grabbed my wrists and grinned. “Back for more.”

The darkness was gone.

Who was this imposter? He seemed… happy. But every time I’d seen him he may as well be wearing a sign that read: Chip on shoulder, beware.

Confused, I shook my head. His smile grew as his fingers tapped playfully across my wrists.

“Gabe!” Lisa yelled. “Release my partner or I’ll put Pepto in your tacos!”

“What would that even do?” asked Weston from behind me.

The music was turned down and then Lisa was prying me away from Gabe.

“So…” Lisa’s grin grew to epic proportions, as her eyes seemed to calculate our acquaintance. “I take it you know each other.”

I yelled, “He assaulted me!”

At the same time, Gabe winked and countered with, “She’s a damn spy!”

“Forget the movie,” Wes said in an amused voice. “Gabe drama? Way better.” He took a seat on an arm of the couch and smirked.

My eyes narrowed into slits as my hands twitched at my side. The guy needed to be punched. This time Lisa put a calming hand on my arm, while Gabe threw his head back and laughed.

Again with the laughing? Did he have multiple personality disorder? Were they aware he was mentally unstable? And if they weren’t, wasn’t it my duty to say something? So he didn’t knife them in their sleep when he decided to take the train from happy land back into hell?

“Classic,” he said, his stupidly long eyelashes mocking me with every damn blink. “You Lisa’s new tutor too? Tell me, piano star, does the world ever tire of your Mother Theresa ways?”

Ah, there he is. To be honest, I had been getting slightly worried.

“That’s it.” Lisa grabbed Gabe by the ear and tugged.

“What the hell, Lisa!” Gabe whined as he stumbled toward her tiny body.

She released his ear and stomped her foot. “New leaf. You stopped being an ass remember?”

“He was never really an ass,” Kiersten said coming to his defense.

I turned my head slowly to catch her expression. But she looked completely serious as if he wasn’t a complete and total loser. He was talented and hot, but still a loser. Okay, so he had skills but… Wow, I needed to stop the arguing in my head before I got a headache.

Gabe formed his hands into a heart and pressed it against his chest. “Love you, Kiersten.”

“Not your girl,” Wes fired back.

“Is this getting filmed or something?” I threw my hands up in the air. “You guys are all crazy. You know that right? I’m here for Lisa, not Gabe. I barely even know him outside of the practice rooms.

“Oh my gosh! You’re trying out for the spring musical?” Kiersten asked.

“Uh…” Gabe licked his lips.

“Wait, practice rooms,” Lisa repeated. “Gabe, are you playing again?”

“Again?” Kiersten looked between the two of them. “What do you mean again?”

“Wow, thanks, band geek, seriously. Awesome. I guess I was right before. You are a tattletale. Oh, look at the time,” he said, checking his watch. “Better hurry home so you can get in bed before seven and have your roomie braid your hair. Oh, and don’t forget to brush your teeth and say those prayers.”

“Don’t you have an STD to spread?” I tilted my head with cool indifference.

He pushed away from the wall. “Why, you open for business?”

“Turtle!” Lisa shouted and stomped her foot.

The room fell silent.

I burst into a fit of laughter. “Turtle? Seriously?”

Gabe rolled his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose as if every word out of my mouth was causing his head to pound.

“Sorry, Gabe,” Lisa whispered and wiped her hands on her crazy looking Jalapeño apron. “I had a virgin margarita.”

“Sugar makes you crazy,” Gabe said, crossing his arms over his chest, “And yeah, it’s my nickname. Why? You into nicknames and role play? Shit like that get your engine going?”

“Ew, Gabe.” Kiersten walked over to us and put her hands up n the air. “I’m just going to stop you now before both feet end up in your mouth and you lose the ability to walk. Repeat after me, Hi…” She paused and looked at me. “What’s your name?”

“Saylor.”

“Hi, Saylor. Nice to meet you. I’m Gabe, and I promise I’m not as big of an asshole as you think I am. I promise to keep all parts in my pants, and I swear that if I attack you one more time, Kiersten has full permission to castrate me in my sleep.”

Gabe glared and held out his hand. “Saylor, it’s a pleasure meeting you.” His teeth were clenched so tight his jaw flexed. I’d never seen a guy with so many tattoos and piercings… never in my life would I ever imagine it would look so damn hot, but on him it did. And I wanted to hate him for it.

Because the opposite meant I liked it.

His face had just enough of a five o’clock shadow to be dangerous for any female with a pair of good working eyes. His dark as sin hair hung almost to his chin but had a slight curl to it, making him look like a damn pirate. A tattoo snaked around his neck, diving into the front of his shirt, and his arm muscles seemed to swell as I tentatively watched the swirl of tattoos almost move across his forearm. He was covered in what looked like lyrics on his right arm, and on his left, he had a few birds, more music notes, and a cross, everything was linked together. It should have looked stupid. But instead of looking stupid – like he was some sort of mismatched first grader – it looked sexy. Damn, damn, damn. I didn’t swear often, but Gabe made me want to live up to my name. Swear like a sailor? Um yeah, it was happening.

“So…” Gabe eyed me up and down.

I backed up until my legs touched the couch.

“You gonna just stand there all day staring at me, or are you and Lisa actually going to do homework?”

“Homework.” An arm looped within mine, and I looked up into Lisa’s amused gaze. “But first, we eat!”

“Olé!” Wes clapped and smacked Kiersten on the rear, while Lisa kept her arm firmly tucked in mine.

Gabe continued to stare, as if it was some sort of weird stare off where if I backed off first, I’d be the loser and have to do something really embarrassing, like admit he had a physical effect on my body.

“Shh,” Lisa said in a low voice. “No sudden movements. He’ll take it as a challenge and start chasing.”

“Me thinks she wants to be chased.” Gabe licked his lips.

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah well me thinks the ink on your body has started seeping into that brain of yours… Tell me, do you enjoy harassing young women in order to get them into bed with you?”

Gabe tilted his head in thought, then raised an eyebrow as if the thought actually had merit.

“Come on.” Lisa tugged my arm. “You can help me set the table. I hope you don’t mind that we eat first. It’s my turn to cook and if I punk out, Gabe throws a fit.”

“Likes his food?” I asked, following her into the kitchen.

“No.” Lisa pulled out some taco shells. “He’s just really OCD about the dinner schedule.”

“Odd,” I admitted.

“Thank you.” Gabe’s breath was on my neck as he answered and then side-stepped me and started pulling salsa and sour cream out of the fridge, “Being called odd’s almost as great as being called sexy.”

“How do you figure?” I snorted, trying to ignore what his nearness was doing to my body at that moment. My breath hitched as another wave of desire hit me. Swear, it was like he was physically willing himself on me without even touching me.

Gabe’s hand paused on the ketchup as he ducked out from behind the fridge door and sneered at me; his mouth curved silkily around his white teeth, sending an involuntary shudder through me. “Odd can mean any number of things.” He closed the fridge.

There wasn’t anything I could put between us, no counter, no ketchup, nothing.

“Odd means I stand out. It’s an unintelligent way of saying I’m unique, different, special, one of a kind. Odd means in a lineup of twenty guys, your eyes would still find mine.” He thumped the block of cheese onto the counter. “Every.” Followed it with a jar of chopped tomatoes. “Damn.” And then the salsa. “Time.” Then he turned to face me, a smirk on his face so cocky that I wanted to launch myself at him. “So do I take it as a compliment that you call me odd? Hell yeah, I do. It means tonight when you close your eyes, you won’t be thinking about all those cookie cutter all-American guys with clean skin and baby blue eyes. But you will be thinking of me.” His grin turned predatory. “All me. And that—” He took two more steps toward me. I couldn’t back up. It was impossible to move. “—makes me happier than you’ll ever know.”

My breathing was ragged. I was an idiot. Plain and simple. I was allowing the bad boy with no future to play with my feelings, but it was unintentional. Everything about my reaction to him was uncontrollable. I couldn’t help but feel drawn, I couldn’t help but feel irritated, and I couldn’t help but want him to touch me one more time, even though it pissed me off as much as it turned me on.

“Move,” he whispered.

“Huh?” I shook the cobwebs of lust from my head.

He tapped my shoulder and gently pushed me to the side. “I gotta set the table. I wasn’t trying to be rude. Oh, and close your mouth. Gaping makes you look desperate.”

I stepped out of the way, basically clattering my body against the oven hard enough to cause a permanent bruise on my hip.

“Don’t mind him,” Lisa said from behind me. “One day, he’ll get his.”

“Don’t worry.” Gabe poked his head around the corner and winked. “I already got mine.” He disappeared then came back again just as I opened my mouth to speak. “Oh, and by the way, it was awesome.”

“Pig,” Lisa muttered.

“Aw, cousin.” Gabe blew a kiss and this time disappeared for good.

I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until Lisa tapped me on the shoulder, making me almost choke to death.

“Sorry about him. Sometimes I wonder how we’re related.” Her blue eyes twinkled briefly before she shrugged and returned to the cupboard to pull out plates. “Grab the salsa and we can put the tacos on the table. Homework second, food first.” For some reason I felt the need to it – maybe it was because of Gabe, or maybe it was because of me. Yeah, on second thought, it was me, because he made me feel out of control.