Текст книги "Toxic"

Автор книги: Rachel Van Dyken

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Chapter Three

My reflection was foreign… I didn’t even remember myself – the guy I was. I’d been living with that damn mask for so long that I’d completely lost it – all of it. Thank God. —Gabe H.

Gabe

I made my way to class. It was a bit of a trek – UW was a huge school and on any other day I probably would have ridden my Harley, but I needed the walk. I could only hope it would clear my head.

As I crossed the street, a prickling awareness wrapped itself around me. I stopped walking toward the business building and looked behind me. Nothing. Just people walking back and forth, talking, smoking, laughing – all of them in their own little worlds. I liked it that way. Really. I’d only had a few close calls over the course of the last few years, and now that I was graduating in a few months, I was almost home free.

I’d wanted to go to school – I’d needed normal more than I’d needed money, excitement, all of it. My parents hadn’t understood. Then again, they didn’t understand anything that didn’t have to do with what they wanted for my life. How could they not get that the reason I almost died and ruined my life was because they wanted me to be something I wasn’t? I laughed out loud and stuffed my hands into my jeans pockets to caress the cool metal locket. Each year I’d gone back to LA with a different tattoo. The next more offensive than the last. When I pierced my nose I think my mom about had a heart attack. Dad all but disowned me.

Pity. I would have liked to be disowned.

Lisa always warned me not to push them too far – she was afraid I might be tattled on. All it would take would be for my dad to announce my secrets to the media and I’d be done for. The secrets? My past? Front page news. The life I’d built? Changed forever.

I swallowed the fear and continued walking toward the building. Two months until school ended, and then I could start my own life, away from my family, away from the painful memories, and away from the man I used to be.

I felt better once I stepped into the old building. Homework was something I could focus on… I might look like I was part of some punk rock band, but I had straight A’s for a reason. I needed to be successful in order to get the hell out from underneath my family’s grasp. I could almost feel their hands wrapping around my neck, choking the life out of me just like before.

I jumped when my phone buzzed in my pocket. I quickly answered it and leaned against the wall, closing my eyes as my heart clattered against my chest.

I needed to get it together – fast.

“Hey!” Lisa said from the other line. “What’cha doin?”

“Going to class like a good boy. Why? Are you in trouble?”

Lisa rarely called me during the day unless she needed a ride… or food… or… Okay fine, so she called me all the time. It just felt lame that she was one of my only friends.

“Nah.” She cleared her throat. “I, um, I just thought you should hear it from me.”

“Hear it?” I repeated. “Hear what?”

“My mom called.” She paused.

“Lisa, what the hell? Just spit it out,” I growled, trying to sound annoyed, when really I was terrified of the news Lisa was going to tell me. I hated fear. It made me feel weak. And weakness was a close second on the list of things I never wanted to feel again.

“Your father… he’s…” She took a deep breath then finished in a rush. “He’s gotten into some financial trouble… nothing huge. I mean, he can’t touch your trust found, but well, my mom talked to your mom, and she’s worried he’s going to sell your story to the media for money.”

My heartbeat roared in my ears, adrenaline surged through my body as I looked wildly around me – for him, for cameras, for reporters. Shit, I was going to be sick. My hand started trembling so bad that the phone clamored against my ear. My entire body went cold. Shaking, I scanned the area again and stepped into the shadow of the building. “Sorry, Lisa. Thanks for letting me know, but I gotta go, I gotta—” I hung up and started running. I wasn’t even sure in what direction I was going. I could have hit a tree for all I cared. My legs pumped harder and harder as the cold air hit my face. I could still feel them chasing me. I could taste the blood in my mouth from biting my tongue.

“Was it an accident?” the reporter asked. “You’re over eighteen. Do you think you’ll be held responsible?” She lifted the microphone in my face and waited.

I looked around for help.

No one.

Who was I kidding? Nobody was going to help me. She was gone.

“Um, no, no comment,” I stuttered.

“Is that your answer for everything?” a male reporter fired out.

I stared into his cold black eyes and nodded. “For now it is.”

“Shit! Shit! Shit!” I ran my hands through my hair and slowed down as I made my way back toward the dorms. What the hell could I give him to keep him from going to press? I had money but couldn’t access all of it until I was twenty-two, which wasn’t for another four months. I got a monthly stipend of five grand a month. I could take my money out of all my investments but would that solve anything? Would he ever stop? I could give him everything I had, which was roughly ten mill, and he’d probably still find a way to spend it all and come after me. It wasn’t the money. I wasn’t stupid. I was his cash cow. He was still pissed I’d walked away.

Funny. Dad hadn’t been upset that my squeaky clean image had been wrecked by drug usage, drinking, and the horror that followed. He was pissed that I’d run, that I’d given up what was, in his estimation, a gold mine.

I jogged past my dorm.

And jumped onto my old Harley. I needed out – an escape. Drugs were out of the question – which left only one thing.

I rode as hard as I could toward the music building. My bike almost fell over as I parked it and ran up the stairs to one of the private rooms. Once inside I locked the door behind me, pulled the blinds down, and sat at the piano.

My heart pounded in my chest as the ivory keys stared back at me – called to me.

My addiction.

Four years.

I’d stayed away from the piano for four damn years.

Not anymore.

The bomb went off, the timer dinged, my hands caressed the piano. I groaned aloud and slumped onto the wooden bench, my body taking its natural position over the instrument.

I wasn’t even sure I knew how to play anymore – how to sing – how to communicate what was eating up my soul – slowly poisoning me.

But I had to try.

The minute I pressed the keys, need poured out until my shaking hands were hovering over the piano, and before I could stop myself, I started playing. I played the songs of my teen years, and then finally – as if my hands couldn’t keep themselves from playing the melody – I played her song.

A strange sort of madness washed over me as I pounded harder and harder. Maybe if I played hard enough she’d come back, maybe I’d get a re-do and the last four years would be nothing more than a horrible nightmare.

I fought tears and then banged my hands across the piano as hard as I could. Cursing the past that was finally catching up to me.

Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock, with each slam of my fingers the cadence in my chest quickened.

I was so done.

Part of me had known I couldn’t last this long.

Hell, it was a miracle I’d been able to put on such a show to begin with – then again I was an incredible actor. I should have won an Oscar.

My life was one big epic joke.

Finally, like a piece of steel getting manipulated and bent – I broke. A tear rolled down my face and dripped onto the piano.

My pointer finger slid over the tear as I wiped it from the ivory keys. Tears had never helped me. But sex? Hell, yeah. I was a freaking god with the right girl – most of the time with the wrong ones. And every conquest made me feel more godlike, impenetrable, stronger, able to withstand everything. Except it had really only been building a fortress around me. But in the moment, I could be everything I ever promised those girls – her – that I’d never really be. I could put away the fractured pieces of my heart and pretend like the past didn’t matter, only the moment. So I took each moment with each girl for what it was, an opportunity to turn into what years ago would have been my worst nightmare.

For a time. It worked.

Because for a second I could believe I’d never been him to begin with. I was Gabe.

The only problem?

It wasn’t even my real name.

Chapter Four

Pretty sure using drumsticks to play the piano was frowned upon. —Saylor

Saylor

It was my last practice session before my schedule change. I hated that stupid Freshman Seminar class. Right now it was the bane of my existence! The only way I could keep my scholarship was to have a high grade point average, and that was the one class I’d been slacking in, but only because they didn’t take attendance, which meant I usually skipped in order to gain more practice time.

Unfortunately, it also meant I had no idea what was going on and usually flew by the seat of my pants. Let’s just say the professor was less than impressed with my inability to get my butt into a chair, even when I told him it was because I was working hard in my core classes.

Ugh. I meandered down the hall and paused. The practice room that I usually used was occupied. It wasn’t a big deal, but there was kind of an unspoken rule among music majors, if you were there every day for a year, and practiced at the same time – it was usually your slot. Anyone else was a dirty little poacher.

Okay, so my feathers were ruffled but only a bit. I mean, whoever was playing had some serious issues if the loudness was any indication. Hopefully, they wouldn’t break the piano in the process of self discovery. Though, I probably wouldn’t have chosen Ashton Hyde music to do said discovering. Eight years ago maybe, but not so much right now.

Geez, that music brought back way too many awkward dates, skate nights, and high school parties. All things I’d rather forget, considering I’d been the music nerd.

I sighed and went to the room opposite from where the music was coming, when all of a sudden the notes took a drastic turn.

A haunting melody floated into the air followed by cursing and then pounding on the keys of the piano. I took a few steps toward the room. The blinds were pulled. The pounding continued and then more cursing. Seriously, the dude needed anger management. I wasn’t sure if I should go down and talk to the head of the department about how someone was literally beating the crap out of one of their expensive pianos, or if I should just mind my own business.

My problem was solved when the door flew open. I was so shocked that I fell backward directly onto my butt.

Great.

Now angry piano pounder was going to have something to hold over me – not only was I eavesdropping but I had fallen on my guilty ass.

“S-sorry,” I said in a quiet voice, trying to scramble to my feet.

“For?” the guy asked. His voice was deep and smooth.

I looked up.

He was smiling at me. At me? Why was he smiling? Oh. He was probably trying not to laugh. I pushed down the embarrassment as much as I could and gave him a weak smile back. “I didn’t mean to, um…” I pointed at the door and shrugged. I was still sitting on the floor, like a kindergartner at magic carpet time or something.

“Spy?” His eyes narrowed but his smile stayed. He was beautiful. With dark brown hair that fell just below his ears. His white t-shirt was stretched across a broad, muscled chest. Tattoos covered every square inch of skin on both arms.

“Yeah,” I croaked, nearly choking on that one word as I felt a burning blush spread across my body. I tugged at the corners of my sweatshirt and cursed the fact that I’d thought wearing boots was a good idea. I was officially sweltering…

“No problem.” He held out his hand. Confused as to why he was being so nice when about five seconds ago his playing made it sound like he was getting ready to commit some sort of crime, I examined his hand before taking it. Tattoos and some weird inscription covered a few of his fingers. With a frustrated sigh, I grabbed his hand and let him pull me to my feet.

His blue eyes were so bright and lined by really dark eyelashes. I swear it almost looked like he was wearing eyeliner, but I knew he wasn’t. His eyes were just that beautiful. I’d never seen someone so good-looking up close before. The longer I stared at him the less sense it made. At first glance, all I saw were tattoos covering his arms. Now? I wish I had looked away, because in that moment, I couldn’t. His eyes pierced through me, nailing my body to the wall, holding me captive until I felt like I couldn’t breathe. They were the type of eyes that made you want to either confess your sins, or give in to them. I blinked a few times, hoping to break the connection that was slowly stealing every ounce of self-preservation I had, and finally was able to look away.

“Thanks for helping me up, and again, I’m sorry for all of that…” I waved into the air and walked to the other side of the hall to my own practice room and away from the dangerously sexy tattooed guy with the bright blue eyes.

“You play?” he asked as my hand grazed the door to the other room.

“Piano.” I refused to turn around and get caught in his gaze again. As it was, my hand was shaking over the knob. Give me five more minutes and my knees would be knocking together too. Holy crap! I needed to get out more.

“You good?” His voice was smooth, clear. My musical side immediately surged with curiosity. Did he sing other genres? Opera? Classically trained? Was he a new teacher or something? His voice was extremely smooth. He’d said less than ten words to me and I was still thinking about the tone of his voice. The way it seemed to warm me up from the inside out – yeah, I needed to get more sleep, because in that moment I was ready to swoon because of his eyes and voice.

My fingers tapped against the doorknob as I thought about my answer.

“Cat got your tongue?”

“Yeah,” I snapped a bit harshly and turned around, trying to give him my best glare when really the effect he still had on me was downright irritating. “I am.”

He laughed, throwing his head back as the sound echoed down the empty hall. “So you do have a personality. Good to know.”

My eyes narrowed. I opened my mouth to speak but he interrupted me.

“Don’t ruin my fun by actually defending yourself. You a band geek?”

“Band geek,” I repeated. Where did he come up with that? Did a time machine just transport me back to high school or something? Who even said that anymore?

He nodded toward my sweatshirt.

I looked down. Sure enough it was an old high school band sweatshirt. Really, Saylor? I was wearing the ugliest grey sweatshirt I owned. And, kill me now.

“Sure.” I croaked. “I mean, I used to be, but—”

“Thought so.” He nodded. “Want to know how I can tell?”

“I need to practice.” I changed the subject and pointed back to my room. I was about ten seconds away from screaming at the top of my lungs. Though I wasn’t sure if it was out of terror or something else – something that made my heart beat just a little bit faster and my palms start to sweat.

He stalked – not walked – toward me until he was inches from my face. “You scream innocence. Twenty bucks says you practice at least six hours a day, go to bed at nine p.m., and really think you can make it in the big bad world by majoring in piano performance.” His lips curled into a mocking grin. “Daddy bought you everything you could have ever wanted, including the pink pony you probably still have in your room. Trophies line your walls, and the last time you even wore a color as scandalous as red was when you were alone in your room trying to see what it would look like on your tan skin. You think guys like me are trouble and by the looks of it – as much as you want to push me away – you want more…” He lowered his voice to a seductive pitch and I found myself leaning toward him so I could hear. “…you crave more.”

Speechless, I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, or slap him across his gorgeous face. Was he serious? Where did he get off saying that to me? A complete stranger? Clearly something was stuck up his ass, and I was about ready to tell him where he could stick that something, but I was too late.

Had I known that any contact from this beautiful stranger would forever change me – would mark me for the rest of my life, wreck me from the inside out, completely break me down until I was nothing but a memory of who I used to be – I would still have made the same choice.

Funny, how people always say they want second chances, yet had I been given one. I would have traveled down the same road. Every. Single. Time.

His mouth crashed against mine in a blur – hot lips pressed, sealed themselves into my memory until all I could think about was the hot slick wetness of his mouth and how every inch of my skin felt like it was on fire from his touch.

He pushed me against the wall, bracing himself with his hands on either side of my head. I’d kissed guys before – none of them had ever kissed me like the gorgeous stranger was kissing me. I didn’t know where to put my hands. I pressed against his chest, which just seemed to encourage him more as his tongue dipped into my mouth.

I pushed harder against him. His hands plunged into my hair.

I squeaked when his hands moved my shoulders – his palms burning a hole through not only my defenses, but my excuses for pushing him away.

His mouth was hot as it pressed harder, his tongue doing things I didn’t know tongues could do. All I could feel was him – I was on fire as his chest met mine. A loud bang clamored in my ears.

The beautiful stranger pulled back his eyes a blaze of fury. If I was scared before – I was petrified now. He looked like he wanted to kill me – and I didn’t mean that in a joking sense. I was actually scared. Well, I was both scared and extremely shocked – let’s just say it was a tie.

In an instant his dark look disappeared as if he’d just put on a Halloween mask and a smile returned to his gorgeous face. With a chuckle he spoke quietly, mockingly, “You’re welcome.”

Pretty sure I looked like I was about to stab him with something sharp because he laughed harder and backed up to his side of the hall. “Whoa, you’re more feisty than I give you credit for – and the proper response is ‘thank you’.” He gave a little bow. Holy crap, I was going to murder him with my bare hands.

“For assaulting me?” I squeaked. “You want me to thank you for assaulting me?”

He winked. “Not assault if you beg me for it.”

“Beg?” I repeated. “I begged to get sexually harassed?” I marched over to him and pushed against his chest. “Tell me, was it the band geek assumption that got you hot or the fact that you know just by looking at me that I have a pink pony hiding in my room.” I rolled my eyes and stepped back. “You were wrong you know.”

“About what?” he whispered, his bright eyes slipping back into darkness.

“The pony.” I looked back and lifted my chin. “It was purple and it’s not in my room back home.”

“Oh?” His eyebrows lifted.

“Yeah.” I narrowed my eyes and imagined tripping him down the stairs. “It’s in my dorm, you ass.”

With one final look that gave me shivers down to my toes, he gave me a nod and walked down the hall, “See you later, Pony.”

“Bye, asshat.” I called. “And thank you.”

He froze.

I should have stopped talking. Normally I would have stopped talking. Crap! I never spoke out of turn or talked back. But something about him brought out the worst in me I guess.

“I always wanted to know what it would be like to kiss a tattooed bad ass with a chip on his shoulder. Officially crossed that one off my bucket list.”

His shoulders shook. He turned, a look of complete amusement washed over his features. “Careful.”

“Or what? You gonna pull a knife on me or something?”

“We both know I wouldn’t need to use violence to get you to respond, sweetheart.” His smile was crooked as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “And you, little girl, better be careful. You’re dangerously close to getting me to fall for you, and I don’t do relationships, I do girls. Call me if you’re ever lonely. I’m sure I can even make that purple pony blush crimson given the chance.”

“Y-you’re disgusting!” I called as he walked away. Wow. Great, Saylor, way’ta add a stutter to really show him how much he affects you.

“You’re welcome!” he fired back, waving his hand in the air and making his way slowly down the stairs.

Shaking, I quickly opened the door to the practice room and then slammed it behind me. With a sigh, I touched my lips with my fingertips and leaned against the wall, then slowly sank to the ground. What. Just. Happened?