Текст книги "Sunburst"

Автор книги: Rachel Higginson

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Текущая страница: 21 (всего у книги 22 страниц)

Instead I stayed still, staring at a world in the heavens I would never be a part of. I thought about Serena’s words of encouragement and wondered if they would be true. If they could be true. If I could live up to all that.

She was right when she said my battle was complex. Seth was my enemy but my future too. How was I supposed to fight him and protect him at the same time? Not for a moment did I believe he or Aliah would stop. They would keep coming after me and keep coming after me, until either I turned eighteen or they killed me. And even after eighteen? Then what? Would Seth be able to come back to me? Would there be anything left of the soul I fought to save?

When dawn finally broke in our part of the world, Jupiter was still alive and successfully bandaged up. He wouldn’t be the same for a long time, his wounds were deep and damaging, but he would live. Nate and Serena had taken off, back to their hidden house. And my parents were alive.

They said goodnight and suggested I do the same. Jupiter was now in our guest bedroom where he would stay until he was fully recovered. There was nothing left to do but go to bed.

I crawled up the stairs and dragged myself to my bedroom. I stripped down and fell into bed. I was filthy, covered in dirt, sand, sweat and blood, but a shower would wait. Snuggling into my pillow and wrapping my blankets around me, I stared out my window at the lightening sky.

Just moments before sleep took me away to the wonderful world of peaceful oblivion, I felt a presence and the shadow of something pass over my window. Too exhausted to move and emotionally worn out to care, I let my eyes drift shut and gave up thoughts of the honey-eyed boy that would haunt my every waking thought and watch over me while I slept– even while he vowed to kill me.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

“Seniors!” Piper hollered at the top of her lungs. Her head was tipped back and her arms swung out wide to her sides. All at once she dropped her head and swung her arm violently so that her hand hit her open locker door and slammed it shut. “Finally!”

“Finally,” I said quietly in support. But while the rest of the school celebrated the last day of school, I secretly mourned it. Part of me couldn’t wait to reach eighteen and set Seth free. And another part, currently the most emotional part, felt depressed because this was it. One more year and I would give up whatever humanity I pretended was mine. I would walk away from all these beautiful people, my friends, the people I cared about most outside of my family and Seth, and embrace a destiny I was quickly learning to despise. This was my last year in civilized society before my days and nights became stuff of super-hero legends only without the comic books to immortalize me.

It was like a countdown clock hovered above me, following me around with every step.

Besides the loss of humanity I felt strongly, there was the real possibility I wouldn’t live past my eighteenth birthday anyway. Because while the fight on the Sri Lankan beach was something I personally would put down in a history book, my eighteenth birthday was basically an invitation to every bad and dangerous thing out there that I was fair game.

My identity was no longer secret and my incentive to come out of hiding– Seth– would be especially advertised.

So this was it. In a month and a half I would turn seventeen and then it was just a matter of time.

“Is your locker cleaned out?” Piper asked, eyeing me skeptically.

“Yep.” I kicked at my overstuffed backpack that was pushed against my closed locker door. “You?”

“Yep,” she echoed. She kicked at her own backpack that was not even zipped closed thanks to the books, papers and random locker items that overflowed the top. “Stella, seriously, you need to be a little more excited about the end of the school year. We are going to have an epic summer! We’re seniors and you finally realized what a tool Tristan is. I mean, come on! All good things, baby! All good things!”

Her excitement was catching and I did feel a smile break free. But I still said seriously, “Tristan is not a tool, Pi. Give the guy a break!”

“I know,” she nodded while looking down the hall where Tristan stood with Rigley and Lincoln. “It’s not very nice to pick on him while he’s so pathetic. Not that I’m sad you bulldozed his heart, but he’s not very much fun while he’s like this. I do prefer my victims to have a little bit of fight left in them. You sucked the soul right out of his future-frat boy body. He depresses me now.”

“It’s not like that,” I argued. But Ok, it was kind of like that. “Think he’ll ever recover?”

“Hopefully not,” she groaned.

“Piper!” I gasped. “He’ll be fine.” But it was more to myself than to her. I had to believe that. I had to believe he would get over me. Our friendship had been nothing but strained and awkward since prom. And while the first part of prom been one of the most perfect if not saddest in my life, we both realized we had to move on from each other.

Sometimes I wondered if Tristan only agreed because it was what I wanted to hear. But other times I knew he believed it. There wasn’t a future for us. We had always known that. It was why we had fought the attraction between us for so long. But it was excruciating to watch him recover. I hated that I caused him so much pain.

I hated that I seemed to cause every boy in my life so much pain.

“Is he why you’re so mopey now?” Piper asked as she leaned back against the bank of lockers. We were still an hour from getting out of school for the summer, but nobody was taking classes seriously by now. Finals were over, lockers were cleaned out. We were just biding our time and saying goodbye to our friends that we would no doubt see in two days at the annual start of summer bonfires that dotted the countryside.

“Not really,” I said honestly. “I’m just….” How did I say this?

“Is it Seth? Are you still hung up on Seth?”

I turned to Piper and felt the tears sting my eyes. I hadn’t seen or heard from Seth since Sri Lanka. And I was thankful for that. But sometimes I swear I could feel him nearby– feel him watching me. Until he made contact I wasn’t going to seek him out; that would just end in us fighting. But every moment of every day I worried about him, worried about what was happening to him, what new and creative evils Aliah was exposing him to. There was so much wrong with what was happening, I couldn’t help but let it consume me.

“Yes,” I said honestly. “It’s Seth. I miss him.”

“Oh, Stel,” Piper crooned and pulled me against her. “I didn’t even know you guys were this serious.”

I fought tears and said, “I don’t think I did either until he was gone. And I hate myself for that.”

She hugged me tighter and released me. “Have you heard from him?”

“Nothing good,” I sighed.

She frowned, her hazel eyes filling with concern. “It’s probably better that he’s gone then. I know it’s hard, but there are other boys out there.”

“Ms. Cassidy!” Mrs. Sadler, the school secretary, gasped as she passed us in the hallway. She was well into her sixties and wielded the kind of crotchety power every student was terrified of. “Get to the office right now! Have you been wearing that outfit all day?”

Piper pressed her lips together in an effort not to laugh. “Not all day, Mrs. Sadler. I’ve been slowly removing articles of clothing for only the past two hours.”

“You’ve been what?” Mrs. Sadler shrieked.

“Well, you know, I’ll be a senior next year. I’m just testing out my potential career options before I decide on a college.” Piper smiled innocently and I had to stifle my own laugh.

“Do not share what options you’re considering Ms. Cassidy. Go to the office. Now.” Mrs. Sadler held out an impatient arm and Piper obeyed willingly. She flashed me a goofy smile and mouthed that she would call me later.

Piper had purposefully worn a risqué outfit today in the hope of getting sent home hours earlier. By lunchtime she had been really upset that the teachers seemed oblivious to the white baggy, boys wrestling t-shirt she had cut into a kind of crop top t-shirt that was longer attached on the sides but revealed a healthy amount of belly and back. It was also scoop necked and a little scandalous. Her extra short, frayed denim skirt was just as bad. The only modest amount of clothing she was wearing was her cowboy boots that she borrowed from me. Lincoln hadn’t talked to her all day; he was either too embarrassed to be seen with her or pissed she was stooping to flaunting her body in an effort to get out of school early.

I was just impressed by her confidence.

I waved goodbye and then leaned back into my locker with a long sigh.

“How committed is your friend to that kid?”

“Go away, Jude,” I growled.

Cigarette smoke wafted around me and this was what I didn’t understand. Piper got hauled away for her first inappropriate outfit all year and Jude regularly smoked in the hallways, bathrooms, and around the school building and nothing. He was never caught.

It did not make sense.

I thought about organizing a feminist rally, but I hated to admit that most of the female population of this school was fascinated by the resident bad boy.

But that was only because they didn’t know just how truly bad he was.

There was an acceptable amount of rebel that every girl sat at attention to. And then there was the pure evil abomination that was Jude Michaels.

Ok, and maybe I hadn’t exactly gotten over his betrayal yet.

Nor would I ever.

“Stella, this is a serious question. I get that your panties are in a bunch over the whole handing you over to my boss thing, but this is more important than your poor, baby feelings.”

“I’m going to stab you,” I warned dryly. Pulling my butterfly knife from the inside of my knee high brown boots, I flipped it casually in my hands.

I felt more than heard Jude suck in a deep breath of nicotine and then hold it. Slowly he let it out and it puffed in front of me in perfect rings of smoke. “Big plans for the summer?” he asked, ignoring my threat.

“What do you want,” I sighed, resigned that he wasn’t going to leave until he got it.

“Just checking in,” I heard the grin in his voice even though I didn’t turn to look at him. “You know, doing my job.”

“I’m fine. You see that. Now be gone,” I growled.

“This is going to be such a fun summer.” He was laughing now. He bent his head closer to mine and lowered his voice. “I can’t wait to spend it with you.”

“What do you mean, spend it with me?” I demanded, finally spinning to face him.

He was wearing a smug smirk and a few days’ worth of beard growth, that didn’t seem fair to the other high school boys. His hair was more disheveled than usual and he looked shockingly skinnier. I told myself I didn’t care though. I didn’t care what happened to Jude, or why he looked a little crazed. I didn’t care that his eyes were red-rimmed and that they were drawn tight even while he wore a smirk, as if he were hiding some emotion behind a curtain of nonchalance.

“Well, there’s run club,” he started ticking off his list while he held onto his diminishing cigarette. “That will be fun, yeah? Then there’s that basketball camp for the little guys that we’re both helping at…”

“You don’t play basketball!” I half-shouted, realizing what he was doing to me.

“And then I hear a rumor that we’re going to be working together all summer long.”

“Oh, no,” I groaned. “At least I can fix that. Mr. Shields will fire you for me.” It was a tradition to work for Tristan’s dad all summer long. He hired all the high school kids he could– cheap labor– and we hung out on Tristan’s farm and spent the long summer hours being slaves to manual labor, getting farmer tans and drinking gallons of homemade lemonade. It was one of my most favorite things. And while Tristan and I were in an awkward place right now, I knew we would get out of it eventually.

This was my last true summer with him, I wasn’t giving that up.

And I wasn’t going to let Jude’s negative, horrible presence taint it.

“Sure, you do that,” he grinned at me, making me feel like I could not actually do that.

I could. Tristan’s dad would listen to me. I wasn’t above making up reasons, but only because I couldn’t actually say the real reasons I wanted him nowhere near Tristan or his family.

“I will,” I sniffed. I picked up my backpack and hefted it onto my back. Without using my Light the backpack was heavy enough that I almost tipped backward but I regained control of my body and glared at Jude whose lips were twitching with the effort not to laugh at me.

“Need help?” he teased.

I hated that. I hated that his eyes twinkled and that he acted like he knew me. I hated that he was tormenting me with his presence and stalking me because he claimed he had to. I hated that he represented a world I wanted to destroy. And that he was a direct link to all of my enemies.

But most of all I hated that if I had to deal with one Fallen on a daily basis, that it wasn’t Seth that I got to deal with. I hated that it was Jude and not Seth.

I just hated him. I glanced around the hallway and when I saw that nobody was looking at me, I took my butterfly knife, flipped it open, tossed it in the air, caught it on the handle and then jammed it into Jude’s thigh.

He lurched forward with a hissing breath and then choked on the nub of a cigarette still dangling from his lips. His hands immediately flew to the knife to try to wiggle it out of his too skinny thigh. I watched him for a few disturbing moments and then turned to walk away.

Over my shoulder I threw, “That’s for being so f-ing annoying, you twisted bastard.”

His chuckle chased me down the hallway and skittered over my skin, “God, you’re mouthy.”

I chose to ignore him and hoped nobody saw my school-stabbing. Last day or not, I was pretty sure that would have some lasting consequences.

“Hey,” I smiled at Tristan, Rigley and Lincoln as I approached.

They all greeted with grunting responses.

Lincoln flicked his head to get his long blonde bangs out of his eyes and asked, “Have you seen Piper?”

“Mrs. Sandler caught her in that ridiculous shirt and made her go to the office.”

“It’s about time,” Lincoln groaned. He ran a hand through his hair and then blushed when we were all staring at him.

“I thought it was awesome,” Rigley grinned. “Pretty sure it motivated me to go out for the wrestling team next year.”

I rolled my eyes but couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped. “You’re such a pig, Rigley.”

“Only parts of me, Stella.”

“You should probably work on those parts.” I raised my eyebrows suggestively.

“You know, I might be motivated to change those parts of me, if they weren’t absolutely essential to getting laid.” His grin turned wicked.

Before I could say something else scathing or slap him, Lincoln interrupted. “Well, I’m off to break Piper out of secretary-jail. See you guys at the bonfire later.”

And the summer activities were already in full swing.

“I’m coming with you,” Rigley chased after Lincoln.

Tristan and I watched them walk away while Lincoln said, “Dude, if you stare at my girlfriend and her stupid shirt for longer than three seconds I’m canceling the party. Keep your eyes up.”

“They are ridiculous,” Tristan laughed, drowning out Rigley’s offended reply.

We watched them disappear down the hall and then stood there silently for a few more minutes. Eventually, I turned to Tristan and willed him to meet my eyes.

After several long moments he turned to face me and I could finally look into those familiar green eyes of his. And in them reflected the heartbreak he was suffering, but also something stronger– something that had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him getting on with his life.

I ignored the pang in my chest and made a genuine effort to feel happy for him.

“Walk me to my car?” I asked.

“Sure,” he smiled. “Want me to take your backpack? It looks heavier than you.”

“It is,” I groaned. “But it’s alright. I got it.”

Tristan didn’t say anything after that and we walked to my mom’s Malibu, that I was still borrowing, in silence. We didn’t even touch, no bumping elbows, no brushing arms, nothing. Just two friends walking in awkward, terribly uncomfortable, heavy silence.

“Are you going to Lincoln’s later?” I asked after I deposited my backpack in the backseat.

He stared out over my head for a long moment, rubbing one hand over his shaved head. “Yeah, I think so.” He hesitated before asking, “Are you?”

“Uh, I wasn’t exactly invited,” I shrugged. It was probably just an oversight. Tristan thought Piper would invite me, Piper thought Tristan would say something, and Lincoln didn’t care if I showed up or not.

“Sure, you’re invited.” Tristan looked genuinely uncomfortable. “I was going to invite you, I just…”

“Oh, no, please stop,” I begged. “Don’t make this worse.”

“What do you mean?” Suddenly his eyes were a sharp, vibrant color staring expectantly at me.

“It’s just so awkward right now.” I gave him a pained smile. “Don’t make it worse. Please.”

Tristan let out a bark of laughter and surprised me by pulling me hard against his chest. “God, I’ve missed you.”

My arms slid around his waist and I hugged him tightly. “I’ve missed you too!” I squeezed him tighter. “Can we go back to normal now?”

I felt his body deflate in my arms, as if I asked the hardest question in the world, but eventually he whispered against my hair, “Yes, we can.”

I pulled back and looked up into his fathomless eyes and searched for truth. He met my intent gaze and didn’t hide from me like he had been doing for the last two weeks.

“I don’t want to lose you too, Tristan,” I whispered, feeling raw and exposed from the acute pain stabbing at my chest.

“You won’t,” he promised quickly. “You didn’t. It’s hard for me to accept that ‘normal’ for us is just friendship, but I’m getting there. I miss you too much to stay this narcissistic.” He grinned then and it was the familiar, heart-stopping smile I knew and loved.

“That is very good news,” I laughed.

“I’ll pick you up tonight? We can go to Lincoln’s together?” He pulled out of my arms and started walking back.

“I would like that,” I agreed.

Another one of his grins and then he turned around and left me to my car. It wasn’t perfect, not even close to normal and definitely not where I wanted it to be– but our friendship would survive. He would survive this.

And I realized how utterly happy that made me. It wasn’t just that he wasn’t a future for me, that he would hold me back from my true purpose and die long before I hit my Angel-prime. It was that I would hold him back too. If he stayed in love with me, he would never experience a full life: a life of college, dating, marriage, kids, growing old with someone he truly loved. He would forever stand in my shadow and be passed over for obligations and world-ending problems.

Sure, there was love between us. But there wasn’t a life in that love. And because we walked away early, he could still experience that.

In some ways, I was jealous of him. I was completely envious of the simplicity of his life, of the hopes and dreams he could look forward to.

My life would never be that easy– my love never laid-back or straightforward.

He was living a better life without me taking up most of it. He would live a better life without me in it.

I turned around to get in my driver’s seat and that’s when I saw him. He was across the highway, with his hands in his pockets, watching me intently. My heart stopped in my chest and I immediately went over my checklist of weapons– two katanas under my driver’s seat, a long dagger at my thigh. My butterfly knife was gone, but there was another broadsword in my trunk if I needed it.

But he never made a move toward me. He just kept staring.

After a few more moments, he stepped back, disappearing behind the side of the one Mead bank. I felt him go, in my bones I felt his presence disappear from my life.

He was gone now, but he would be back. He would always come back. He could no more stay away from me than I could kill him.

This love, our connection, our consuming need for each other was so strong it would always bind us together. Even if it was damaged, even if it was stained and polluted for now.

It wouldn’t always be.

I had to believe that. I had to believe it would become good again, just like Seth would.

And that I wouldn’t always be alone in this fight against Evil. I wouldn’t always be without the one man that would make this future worth fighting for and this destiny worth accepting.

The next year would be the hardest battle of my life, but the reward was worth the fight. And I would always fight for Seth. Even after there wasn’t anything left for me, there would always be Seth.

And I would fight for him.

I would fight for us.