Текст книги "Sunburst"

Автор книги: Rachel Higginson

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Текущая страница: 18 (всего у книги 22 страниц)

Understanding started to flow through me but my mom quickly added, “Not that the Darkness can ever be completely destroyed. There is a balance that has to be maintained. But with Aliah gone, this war would be swung very favorably in our direction.”

“Or at least brought back to the center,” Ari threw out. “We are fighting a losing battle as it stands today. And with every moment of every day Aliah works to destroy this planet from the inside out. Starling you are what remains of hope for us.”

“But, but… what?” Super eloquent…. I cleared my throat and tried again, “Why are you relying on me? I don’t even have the full strength of my powers yet! Why not bring another Star in? Or give it over to Serena completely?”

The Council stared at me as if I spoke in a different language. Again, it was hard to tell what exact emotion was flashing in those bright white eyes, but if I had to guess I would say indignant anger…? Maybe outrage and embarrassment?

Yeah, they were not happy with my attitude.

“You were chosen for this task for a reason,” Celeste lectured. “We can no more remove you from your position than we could have assigned you another one from birth. The Council did not err. This planet has always been yours, since before you were born. You were born the Protector of Earth, and Earth was always destined to be protected by you. There will be no greater guardian than you, no greater sentinel or keeper. This is your fate. Should you fail, we all fail.”

I gulped. That wasn’t exactly the conversation my parents had with me.

“But should you succeed,” Ari continued, “We all succeed.”

“No pressure,” I whispered to myself. These were essentially things I already knew. Although maybe I hadn’t taken them so seriously. I had always believed to a certain extent I was replaceable. With a sky filled with Stars stronger than me, wiser than me, more experienced than me, I just assumed there was a list of others that could fill in where I failed. Serena was a prime example of how quickly this space could be given away. I hadn’t realized how much was left up to me until now.

How alone I was in this fight.

“And Seth?” I whispered.

“He’s important,” Raphael answered almost sadly. “But as with any Warrior, the truth of his strength lies within his Star.”

I gaped at him. I had never heard it like that before. While most of our tasks were interchangeable, we did have different jobs. A Star was always the primary soldier and the Warrior battled only to protect his Star. That was why I was the Protector of Earth and Seth my Counterpart. But logistically, we fought on the same fields, we vanquished the same enemy.

“But he is not as necessary,” Celeste finished.

Rage blinded me for a few moments, pure, primal, suffocating raw rage, and my vision went completely black. He was necessary. He was absolutely necessary. If they thought I could function, or even live without him, they were out of their alien minds.

“She needs a Counterpart,” my mother injected quickly; I had a feeling it was because she saw how close I was to losing my battle with composure.

“And she will always have one.”

The unspoken words echoed through the room as loudly as any explosion– but it doesn’t have to be Seth.

My heart dropped to my stomach and my legs suddenly felt like jelly. I leaned into my dad and felt the literal weight of the world. I was somehow supposed to be strong enough to defeat Aliah and bring the balance back, but I couldn’t even imagine tomorrow without Seth.

“Is there anything else?” my dad asked in a ragged, exhausted voice.

“We have come to warn you,” Celeste started again. “Trust no one. Not any of our Council are to be given faith. In the month of your July you are to return to the Lower Realm with Celina for a summit, at which time the traitor will be named. Until then, you are expected to carry on as usual.”

“But without any help from you,” I bit out.

The three of them eyed me in that carefully detached way again and then Celeste said, “Correct.”

“I thought we weren’t supposed to trust anyone,” I pointed out, but that only got me silence.

Psht.

The three of them moved for the door again. Without a word, without a goodbye. They were just going to walk out as coldly as they’d come.

We watched them go and followed behind them until we were all standing out on the porch in the cool night air. In the dark night of the country they had a visible aura of light that shimmered around their bodies. They seemed softer out here, more angelic and less…. dreadful.

They took a stance in the middle of our big yard and looked heavenward. At the last moment, Ari looked at me and gave me a charming smile.

“Starling, while you may not trust us, you have our faith. This world is yours to keep. Let not the Darkness prevail.”

And then they were gone just as I tried to sort out his words.

Our entire property lit up with the brightness of their energy. They burned like hot, holy light and everything that was anything for miles was touched by them– touched, but not burned.

They disappeared into the atmosphere as fast as they came, leaving us reeling with their words and warnings.

“Stella,” my dad said immediately. His voice was roughened with what felt like years of struggle and heartache. “They…. those-“ His voice broke and tears immediately flooded my eyes. What was it about parents? Like the minute they showed any emotion I was a weeping mess. “The Council doesn’t understand what life is like down here. They can plot and plan and prepare, but they have no idea what it takes to live here. Listen to what they say, but only take what you want from it. No matter what, you have to know we stand behind you in everything. You are not alone.”

My mom pulled me into a tight hug and I just let her hold me. Finally I found the courage to ask, “What about Seth?”

But they didn’t answer. My dad lay a heavy hand on the back of my head and my mom let out an exhausted sigh.

They didn’t know either.

Don’t give up on me, Stella.

I promised that I wouldn’t give up on him.

And I wouldn’t.

Chapter Twenty-Two

“He’s here, Stel,” my mom whispered from the doorway.

I was staring at myself in my vanity thinking about everything except prom. My hair was done in a pretty, loose bun thingy that tapered to the side and wrapped around my neck. My nails were done, my legs were shaved, my eyebrows perfectly plucked. My makeup was bronzy in golds and pinks and my dress fit perfectly.

But dancing the night away was literally the last thing I wanted to do. I hadn’t been able to get the Council’s visit out of my head and I still hadn’t heard from Seth. He seemed to have disappeared into the black abyss of Aliah’s underworld.

The last three days had been painful. And I hadn’t exactly done my best to disguise my misery. Even Jude was concerned, well, as much as Jude was capable of feeling concern. There was a lot of cigarette smoke, a lot of reminding me that his life was at stake during this contract, too, and then there was some grunting noise that sounded like “Snap out of it.”

I stepped into my simple nude pumps that were four inches high and would pinch my toes after five minutes in them. I picked up my carefully packed gold sequined clutch and turned to my mom for her approval.

She smiled at me with tears in her eyes, “You’re beautiful.”

I rolled my eyes, “Thanks.”

“Now, it’s time to stop moping. Enjoy tonight. You can go back to making yourself sick about Seth tomorrow. Let Tristan have tonight.”

Her words hit home quickly. “Yeesh, mom.”

“I’m your mother,” she reminded me. “I’m supposed to know exactly what to say.”

I laughed before I could pretend I wasn’t affected.

She went on, “Give up the fight for just tonight, Stella. It will be there for you to pick right back up tomorrow. But you’re supposed to experience this world before you defend it, and I think tonight is the perfect opportunity to do just that.”

“You’re right,” I sighed.

“He’s going to die when he sees you,” she grinned at me.

“I know!” Her enthusiasm was catching. I couldn’t help it!

She grabbed my hand and led me down the stairs. Tristan was waiting in the entryway talking to my dad. I knew he was supposed to be impressed by what I looked like, but honestly, Tristan in a tux took my breath away.

His hair was freshly shaved and his green eyes glistened against his tan skin. His tux was incredibly crisp with clean lines and a classic white shirt, black bowtie look. His lean muscles filled out the suit to perfection and I couldn’t wait to stand next to him, to be pulled into his gravity of beauty.

But he was just staring at me.

His eyes were the deepest green I had ever seen and his jaw was tight with tension. I started to feel self-conscious from the intensity of his look.

Finally I said, “What?” I brushed at my skirt and waited for him to say something, to say anything.

“You’re breathtaking,” he finally said in a low, raspy voice that sent shivers skittering across my skin. “Stella, you’re beautiful.”

I pressed my lips together to keep from grinning like an idiot. But that was exactly the response I was hoping for.

“Pictures!” My mom declared.

I moved to stand next to Tristan, keeping my eyes locked on his. He seemed just as unwilling to let me go as I was to look elsewhere. But eventually I had to.

He pulled me into his side and I slid my arm around his back, the cool, softness of his suit jacket was shocking against my super-heated skin. Tristan wrapped an arm around my waist, too, and then another around my front and pulled me closer to him.

“Stella, babe, tone down the glow,” my mom commanded from behind the camera.

I tried my best to hide my excitement for the evening, for getting a free pass to go out with Tristan– even if it was just for one night– and for being wrapped so tightly in his arms, but I couldn’t. I was beaming with Light. I couldn’t control it anymore.

My mom just shook her head while smiling almost as big as me. She took a hundred pictures, my dad gave Tristan a very firm reminder about my nonexistent curfew and then gave me a big hug and kiss.

After what felt like forever, we were finally alone in Tristan’s big truck and leaving my house in our dust. We were headed to dinner in Fremont before the dance and as far as I knew we were doing this all alone. Lincoln and Piper had gotten a limo and were sharing it with Bree and her date, senior baseball stud– Milo Reed, and Rigley and his date, sophomore Cara Williams.

As far as I knew Piper and Tristan still weren’t talking. But I hadn’t exactly helped things along with my depressing attitude this week.

And anyway, it was kind of nice to just be the two of us. If this was our one sanctioned date, I selfishly didn’t want to share Tristan with anybody else. I wanted him all to myself.

He reached across the cab and took my hand, tugging me closer to him. The radio was off and the only sound that filled the truck was our breathing and the crunch of gravel beneath his tires. I let out a shaky breath and then tilted my head back carefully, so I wouldn’t mess up my pretty hair on his high-backed seats.

“Are you all right, Stel?” he asked quietly.

“Yes,” I answered honestly. For the first time in weeks I really was Ok. There were a million problems that should have been tumbling through my head on a sadistic, masochistic repeat, but I was ignoring them all right now. I wanted tonight. I wanted tonight to be mine, untainted by Aliah and all his dark plans. I wanted to enjoy Tristan without the massive guilt that usually plagued me.

And most of all I wanted to dance.

We drove for a while like that, just holding hands and not talking. Suddenly, Tristan was turning right and whipping off the highway with almost no notice. I gripped the door handle and just barely managed to swallow a surprised scream.

Just as quickly as we turned, Tristan pulled over and we were parked on the side of a field. We were facing west just as the huge, burning sun was about to meet the horizon. It cast long, golden rays of sunlight on almost everything that stretched between us and it.

Tristan turned the key in the ignition and the angry rumble from the engine died, leaving us in a severe kind of silence. He looked over at me, with my hand in his and I felt the strongest urge to crawl into his lap, lay my head on his shoulder and then cry for the next three months.

Or fall asleep and finally get a few hours in a row.

All of a sudden he let go of my hand and hopped out of his truck in one fluid motion. I watched him walk around the front hood and open my door. He took both of my hands– without saying a word and then helped me down.

My heels sunk into the soft earth but I followed Tristan to the back of his truck. He held up a finger and then raced around to the driver’s side again. He returned with a soft, plush blanket I knew he stole from his living room.

He dropped the gate to his truck bed and then spread out the blanket. “Can we have a few moments to ourselves?”

I nodded, too charmed by the moment to find my voice. He reached for me, taking my waist firmly in his hands and lifted me to sit on the blanket. The beading of my dress dug into the backs of my thighs, so I adjusted until I was comfortable and my dress wasn’t in danger of wrinkling or getting torn. Tristan hopped up next to me, so close I felt the smooth silk of his pants against my bare legs. He smelled amazing tonight, like himself and the masculine scent of a cologne he usually didn’t bother with. He was so handsome.

And he was Tristan– my Tristan.

There was something happening to us though. I felt it every time we were together now, with every touch, every look.

We were drifting apart and I wondered if he noticed it as acutely as I did. By his especially quiet and somber mood I had to believe that he did.

It was funny how the removal of Seth from my life was the catalyst to me choosing which boy I would give my heart completely. Seth wasn’t even technically an option right now– and maybe never would be again.

But he still held my heart in his soulless hands– all of it, not just a piece or a portion. Seth owned my soul in the absence of his.

I loved him with all of me. I would do anything to be with him again, to make him safe again.

And tonight I would give Tristan this moment. My last gift to the boy I had loved for most of my life so far.

I did still love him. It was amazing how I could be split so definitively between two boys that commanded so much affection. It wasn’t a race, or a contest, it was a tragedy that split my entire being in two right along with my heart.

I would always love Tristan. Always. But not with the same consuming, life-defining power that I loved Seth with. I was split in two, but not evenly. And this time I was listening to my heart, I was following my instincts that were supposed to be honed and perceptive.

My entire life I had accepted a destiny that didn’t seem real and a future I would one day “get around to”. And then it happened to me and I felt this rebellious instinct to fight against it– to fight against Seth. Had I given into the eventuality of my fate, I didn’t believe I would have fallen for Seth as hard as I did. It was in my frantic attempt to escape him and what he stood for that I realized how desperately I needed him, how wholly I loved him.

But because of those same reasons, I lost him.

Now I would give up Tristan so I could find Seth again. And this time I would keep him.

Still, tonight was Tristan’s. The last of our nights like this.

I looked up at him from under my heavily mascara-ed lashes and pressed my lips together. There were so many things I needed to say, but I didn’t want to ruin the night.

Without looking down at me he sighed and said, “I know.”

His resigned tone caught me off guard and I felt the tears immediately prick at my eyes. “What do you know?”

He didn’t answer, but slowly turned to look at me. His eyes were so brightly green and soul-searching I felt completely exposed under his gaze. He leaned forward until his head rested against mine. When I breathed in, it was entirely him– his scent, his essence, his love.

“You’ve ruined me forever, you know that, right?” he asked in a husky rumble.

I shook my head slowly so I wouldn’t break our gentle contact. “Not forever,” I promised.

“I’m going to kiss you now,” he breathed and the force of his conviction shook me to my bones.

His lips brushed against mine, so gently I barely felt them at first. I felt him shiver against the contact and then his mouth was on mine firmly. His soft, full lips pressed against mine with a quiet, demanding desperation. I kissed him back, feeling years and years of wanting and longing click into place and finally find fulfillment.

He tasted as perfect as I had always imagined. His kisses were as needy and hungry as mine. His tongue swept mine with a possessive power that I would remember forever– no matter what happened from this moment on; I had this perfect kiss to remember Tristan by.

And I would. I would always remember Tristan and this flawless moment.

His hand reached up to cup my jaw, the other sliding around my back and pulling me closer so that my chest pressed against his completely. His mouth moved against mine, stoking a growing fire that had been building forever. I tasted him, savored him, consumed him as greedily as I had always wanted to.

I reached up and allowed my hands to feel him like this, like I had always wanted to. This wasn’t a friendly hand hold or an innocent hug. This was the culmination of a lifetime of feelings for each other we had always denied ourselves, always ignored in the shadow of a fate I never really wanted until recently. His chest was hot and hard under my fingers, even through his layers of nice clothing I could feel the defined muscle that made him up.

I slid my hands slowly over him, feeling every inch of his delicious chest and then wrapped them around his neck. His short hair tickled the pads of my fingers, and I allowed myself to caress the back of his head, whimpering as he deepened the kiss.

The world– my life, my entire existence– had shrunk into this one moment, into the feel of Tristan’s lips against mine; his body pressed tightly to mine and the steady draw of my heart and hopes for a future that could never be from my soul into his.

I would take this moment with me and treasure it forever. It didn’t matter that I was giving him up or that this kiss meant goodbye. A part of me would always love Tristan. But we were a future that could never be. We were a love that couldn’t compete with the depth of feeling I had for Seth standing between us.

So even while it was love, it wasn’t enough to sustain the rest of my life. It was real, and honest, but it wasn’t the end-all love I was meant to feel.

It wasn’t the love that would get me through the very difficult destiny that laid out before me.

I was embarrassed at the two traitorous tears that fell from my eyes, landing hotly on my cheeks and ruining my makeup. Tristan felt them, or sensed them– I wasn’t sure– and immediately kissed them away. And when his lips returned to mine they were salty and wet from the evidence of my heartache.

With a last punishing push of exposed emotion, Tristan branded his love against my lips so that I would never forget him. There was a climax to our kiss that screamed our feelings for each other, the fullness of finally tasting each other while the world crumbled around us, and the utter heartbreak that would shatter us when we pulled apart.

It was as innocent as it was hungry and passionate. It was as perfect as it was soul-wrenching and torturous. It was as lasting as it was temporary. It was as much a beginning as it was the end.

Eventually, Tristan pulled back and I gazed up into the eyes of a man that I believed was the greatest man I knew. The entire reason I fell in love with humanity was because I fell in love with him first.

His eyes were dark with a greedy hunger and his lips were swollen and lovely.

“I love you, Stella,” he growled while unshed tears shimmered in his forest green eyes.

“I love you, too,” I whispered at the same time my heart fell out of my chest and splintered into a million pieces. “I will always love you.”

I reached up and cupped his smooth jaw. He leaned into my touch and closed his eyes, depriving me of his consuming gaze. He shuddered under my hand and I immediately went up on my knees and wrapped my arms around him. His arms went around my waist and we held each other like that for as long as we had kissed.

The sun set while we stayed like that, the Stars came out and the dark of night enshrouded us. We were living in our own world, existing in a reality that only included us. But there wasn’t a moment that ticked by when we didn’t realize we would have to come back, when we weren’t severely aware that in only a few more moments we would have to give each other up.

He pulled away first, looking up at me with a resigned pain that cut me quickly to the core. “We missed our dinner reservations.”

I laughed with a release of adrenaline and emotion. “I’m not hungry anyway.” I sat back down and leaned into him.

“Let’s go to the dance,” Tristan suggested.

“Yeah? You still want to go?” My voice was a shallow shell of my crushed soul.

More confidently and sounding more like himself he said, “Yeah, I do. I want this night.”

I pulled back and smiled. I couldn’t help it. I wanted this night too. “K.”

“K.” he echoed.

He hopped off the truck and turned around to help me down. Lifting me from the waist, he set me back on the solid ground but didn’t let go. “Remember me, Stella.”

“Always,” I swore. “I will always have this.”

He pressed another gentle, claiming kiss to my lips. I breathed him in one last time and let myself get swept away by feelings for a boy that could never be. He would always be my first love.

He just couldn’t be my last.

He helped me into the cab of his truck and then grabbed the blanket and closed the truck gate. Before I knew it we were back on the main highway and headed toward school and the prom.

Prom was supposed to be this major event in my life, in my youth. But it would pale in comparison to these stolen moments with Tristan. And I had to wonder if the rest of my human moments would all shrink in the shadow of the greatness of that kiss, in the culmination of a love that would only fade after today.

There was so much joy and fulfillment in finally being open with Tristan, in finally taking our relationship to where it always wanted to go. But there was so much heartache that accompanied it.

That was it. The grand finale. And every moment after this we were both willingly and openly walking away from each other and the intense feelings that tied us together.

And while I was definitely and completely traumatized, I was also already healing. Tristan and I were never meant to be. There was something strong and powerful in giving that up, in fully embracing the life I was supposed to have.

Meant to have.

The life I now wanted.

Seth.