Текст книги "Next"

Автор книги: Rachael Brownell

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Table of Contents

Dedication

Prologue

September 10, 2004

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Acknowledgements

My Amazing Readers

Next ~ A Kiss Series Novel

Copyright © 2015 by Rachael Brownell.

All rights reserved.

Cover Design by Marisa Shor of Cover Me, Darling

Interior formatting by Cassy Roop of Pink Ink Designs

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any way by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise without the prior permission of the author as provided by USA copyright law.

This novel is a work of fiction. Names, descriptions, entities, and incidents included in the story are products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, events, and entities is entirely coincidental.

Published in the United State of America.

ISBN: 978-1515001539

 

 

 

 

Dedication

For the optimist in all of us, the desire inside that pushes us to hold on when letting go is easier.

I RUN, AS FAST as I can. I'm not athletic. I don't play sports. I know he's going to catch me. That's what I want, right? For him to catch me?

My legs feel like jelly. I feel his hand graze my arms once, twice, then I'm caught. I should have started running sooner, faster. It doesn't matter. He would have caught me regardless.

"You shouldn't have let me catch you, Gracie." He pulls me back into his chest, lifting my feet off the ground, as the meaning behind his words begins to register.

"Who says I let you?" I know challenging him isn't a good idea, but I haven't learned how to filter my thoughts around him.

"I do. I know you can run faster than that. I think you wanted me to catch you."

"Really?" I say, struggling to break from his hold. It's no use. He's much stronger than me and since he's holding me off the ground, I can't use my legs for leverage.

"Yes, really. I think you knew what would happen when I caught you."

"And what is that?" I begin to struggle again and this time he lets me break free, but I don't get far. Two steps, maybe, before he's got a hold of my wrist and is pulling me back to him. This time we are chest to chest. I crash into the front of him and can't hide the way my body reacts. I'm sure he can see it, feel it. My breathing is ragged and it's not from running.

"Look at me, Gracie," he commands and I do as he says. Not because I want to but because my body wants to.

"Why do you insist on calling me that? It's not my name, you know?" I love it, though. I would never tell him that, or anyone else.

"Because. You're my angel fallen from grace. It suits you. You're beautiful and you know it. What I don't understand is why you want me?"

"Who says I want you?"

How the hell did he figure it out? No one knows.

"Your body says a lot of things. It's telling me right now how much you want me. The question is – what exactly do you want from me because there are a few things that I can offer you." He wraps his arms around me a little tighter as I contemplate how I want to answer him.

"Nothing," I say, trying to take a step back. He quickly moves his hand to my lower back and pulls me back in. I will myself to look away so that he can't see that I'm lying, but it's like I'm in a trance. His eyes are the lightest shade of green normally, but right now they look dark as night. I wonder if I stare at them long enough, if I would be able to see into the depths of his soul.

"That's a shame. I was pretty sure that you wanted me to kiss you. That's what this whole game of cat and mouse was about, right? You wanted me to catch you so that we could be alone, share a kiss and then go back to pretending that we don’t want each other?"

For a moment, I consider lying to him. I know that I can, the words are on the tip of my tongue, but why? I would rather tell him the truth and get what I want. What I want is him.

"What if that was my master plan all along? Get you to chase me, catch me and kiss me. Would that be so bad? Does that make me an awful person?"

"Not at all. I like a girl who knows what she wants. It's a turn on." The way he said 'turn on' makes me take notice of the way he's looking at me. Holy hell. If I didn't know better I would think that he was going to take me right here, in the middle of the woods. No one would be able to see us, but our houses are too close for comfort.

I open my mouth to reply, but no words come out. He's waiting. I can see that he wants me to make the first move, to take control, but I know that I can't. I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm sure he knows that this will be my first kiss. Yes, I'm a seventeen-year-old loser. I've never kissed a guy and now the hottest guy I've ever known, the object of my obsession for the past three years, is staring at me waiting for me to kiss him and I have no idea what to do.

I take a step back and lower my eyes to the ground. I'm embarrassed but not because of what didn't happen. I'm embarrassed because I just saw the realization flash in his eyes followed by the pity. The pity is the worst part.

"Gracie-"

"No! Stop calling me that. My name is Reagan. I'm not your fallen angel. I'm not your anything." I turn to leave, but I don't know where to go. I could head back to Luke’s house where Elliott and Kylie are probably still making out in the backyard. No thanks. I'm not even sure if they've come up for air long enough to realize that we left.

I feel his hand on my lower back again and my body shivers. It's over ninety today and my body frickin shivers when he touches me. Great! This was a horrible idea. I never should have let myself run with this one, literally.

"Turn around." It was meant exactly as it sounded – like a command.

"Why? What's the point, Luke? I don't want your pity. I don't want anything from you anymore. I just want to be alone right now."

"Turn. Around."

I turn to give him a piece of my mind, but I don't get the chance. Before I have an opportunity to speak his lips are on mine and my body is being lifted. I want to fight it. I want to push him away. I don't want to kiss him anymore. My body, on the other hand, wants all of those things. My legs wrap themselves around his waist. My arms wrap around his neck. My lips move in sync with his as if they know exactly what they are supposed to do. As far as first kisses go, I'm pretty sure this one is spectacular, but I have nothing to compare it to.

Bark scrapes the skin of my back as I hit the tree, but I don't care. I feel his body press into mine and I can't help but let out a moan. I'm not sure what he's doing to me, but it feels amazing. His lips are soft and gentle, but his body is hard and demanding. I never thought it could be both ways, but I like it. A lot. My body is having small seizures every time he touches me. I can't control it anymore.

His hands start to roam, exploring my body with just the tips of his fingers. They graze my breasts, my stomach and then my legs. When he slips his hands under my shirt I suck in my breath.

He pulls back and I open my eyes to see that he's smiling at me. It's not your average sweet and innocent smile. It's devious and sinful. I'm in trouble. I know that this is dangerous, but I don't care. The consequences will be well worth the last thirty seconds of my life.

"Still want to be left alone?" Smug bastard. I should have known he would use my own words against me.

I unwrap myself and slide down his body, pushing him back. "Now that I've gotten what I came for, yes." He doesn't flinch unless you count the fire in his eyes disappearing. He knows how to play this game better than anyone I've ever met. I shouldn't even be trying to compete with him.

"We both got what we wanted. See ya around, Gracie."

I don't give him the satisfaction of a response. Mainly because I'm too lost in thought while staring at his ass as he walks away from me. Doesn't matter. I got what I wanted. Now, the only problem I see is that I want more. I need more. I have a feeling that now that I know what it feels like to kiss Luke, nothing else will be able to compare.

I head home, flying high. I'm walking in the back door when Elliot texts me and asks where I went. I want to tell him that Luke just kissed me in the woods, that kissing his brother caused me to lose my breath and now I need to lie down. I even type the words before I chicken out. I lie and tell him that I wasn't feeling good, headed home and that I would see him at school the next morning.

I'm a horrible liar. He sees through my lie instantly and presses the issue. I finally tell him I'm going to lay down and I turn my phone off. I close my bedroom door behind me and squeal, jumping up and down before falling backwards on my bed. I stare at my ceiling and replay the kiss over and over again in my head. I want to kiss him again. I never want to stop kissing him.

I turn my phone back on before I head to bed. I have six missed texts from Elliot. First, he asks me to call him and then he demands that I call him and the last one says that he's coming over. Apparently not since he's not here.

Knock. Knock.

Wrong again.

"Come in." I plug my phone into charge and turn to find Luke standing in my doorway.

Wrong Evan’s boy.

He hasn't been in my room since we were kids. I look around to make sure that nothing embarrassing is on the floor. I keep my room clean but is it clean enough for company? Probably not. The floor is clear, no bra's hanging on the back of my chair, and it still smells like lavender from the candle I was burning this morning. "Hey."

"Hey." Somethings off. His voice is different. He's not happy, but not sad either. I go to take a step towards him, to comfort him, but stop myself. We may be acquainted on a different level than we were yesterday, but I'm not sure we're to that level yet.

"What's up? Everything okay?" I force myself to take a seat on my bed. I'm fidgeting with my hands, per usual, so I sit on them.

"Nothing. I just... Elliot is asking questions. I think he suspects something. I wasn't sure if you wanted him to know or if you wanted this to be a secret or-"

"I'm not ashamed of what happened if that's what you're asking." I've never heard Luke be anything less than sure of himself. He's nervous. Luke doesn't do nervous. He's confident and cocky and he has every right to be most of the time.

"I'm not either. It's just with me leaving, I wasn't sure if you wanted Elliot to know."

Leaving? Is he leaving? Where is he going? He graduates in a few weeks. He hasn't said anything about leaving for school, but school has never been his thing. He's smart and athletic, but he doesn't crave knowledge like I do, like Elliot does. He's more of a show-up, take the test, flirt with girls and leave kind of guy. He always has been. In fact, I'm pretty sure if he went to an all-boys school, he wouldn't show up at all. I guess I should have assumed that he would go somewhere.

"I know I should have told you sooner, before we kissed, and I'm sorry."

"When? Where?" It's the best I can do. Not only is Luke not acting like himself but now I can't seem to put a sentence together.

"South Carolina. I leave for boot camp the day after graduation."

"Boot camp?"

"I signed a four-year contract with the Marine Corps." He stands up a little taller as he says it. The thought of him defending our country makes me proud of him. The fact that I'll worry about him for four years makes me want to sock him square in the jaw.

"Oh!" Again with the one-word answers. I clear my throat and make an attempt at a real sentence. "That's great." Two words are better than one.

He takes a step forward and closes the door behind him. I'm still sitting on the edge of my bed, my hands tucked under my legs. I stand and he's in front of me in an instant. I look straight ahead at his chest. If I look him in the eyes, I'll break. I won't cry in front of him. I won't allow myself to.

"I'm sorry, Reagan."

"For what?"

"For everything. For not telling you sooner. For not kissing you sooner. For wasting the last few years of my life wanting you, knowing that you wanted me, and trying my best to ignore all of it. Most of all, I'm sorry that we don't have more time together to see where this could go. We could be great together."

"Four years isn't that long. What if I wai-"

"Don't. I don't want you to waste your life away waiting for me to come back. You’re smart and talented and beautiful and someone will come along that will sweep you off your feet. You don't need to waste the best years of your life waiting for me to come home." The first tear falls and I let it. I still can't look up at him. The emotion in his voice, the sincerity and the loss mixed together, have broken the dam.

"Will you call? Can we keep in touch and just see what happens?"

"Write me." Placing his hand under my chin, he lifts my eyes to his. Blinking away the tears, his face comes into focus. This is a side of Luke that I've never seen before. A side that I never knew existed.

"I will."

He pulls me into his body, mine fitting perfectly to his and kisses my hair. That's not how I want this to end. I want his lips on mine. I want more. More of everything. More time. More kisses. More of Luke. All of Luke.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" My voice is barely above a whisper, but I know he heard me. His body just went stiff as a board.

"I don't know if that's a good idea, Reagan. This is already going to be hard enough. If I stay here tonight and things happen, it's going to be even harder to say goodbye."

I push against his chest and he lets me go. I step back and look him square in the eye, determined for him to hear every word I'm about to say. "If I'm going to lose you in a few weeks then I'm telling you right now," I say as I poke him in his deliciously hard chest. "We will spend the next few weeks as if they are our last and make the most of every moment. It starts right now."

I don't wait for him to respond. I've known Luke my entire life and if I give him a chance to say something, we might talk around things for the rest of the night. Instead, I reach up, capture his face and bring my lips to his. That's all the prompting he needs. I'm lifted off the ground. I wrap my legs around his waist and when my back hits the wall, I moan in satisfaction.

"I'm never going to be able to forget you, Reagan Brooks."

June 8, 2004

Luke,

You left this afternoon. I hugged you. I wanted to kiss you, but I refrained. Then, I watched you disappear down the driveway. I cried. I'm still crying. I can't find a way to put into words how I feel right now. Empty. Hollow. Alone.

I don't want to feel this way and I know it won't last forever. I have all summer to get used to you not being around. I don't like the idea, I loathe it actually. It'll be the first summer ever that we've spent apart. There was that one time where you went to summer camp. What did that last? Three days? Elliot lasted longer than you. I think he was gone for two weeks.

I need you to explain this to me again. Why did you sign up to be a Marine? I need to understand it. I can't grasp the concept of why you would want to put your life in danger. Please don't misunderstand. I am very proud of you and the fact that you want to protect our country. I just need to understand your mentality a little better. Something had to influence you to make this decision.

Disregard my rant. I do get it. Sort of. I'm just sad. I'm still crying. You've only been gone for an hour. I'll pull myself together by the time Elliot comes home.

Okay, I hope you get settled and that they're not as hard on you as you said they would be. I need for you to remember two things.

1. You promised you would be safe and that you would come home.

2. You promised to write me back.

I miss you already,

Reagan

July 15, 2004

Reagan,

Sorry, it took me so long to write. To say I've been busy is the understatement of the year. Things are different here. It's hard. They push you to do better than your best. Then, you have to do even better than that. I can do this. I know I can. It's not going to be easy, but I'll manage.

I had a dream last night about you. Do you remember when we were kids and you were learning to ride without training wheels? I thought you had it so I let go and you fell, scraping your knees. I remember carrying you back to your house so that your mom could fix you up. You didn't even cry. You were so brave. I think I fell in love with you a little that day.

I didn't realize it until now. That dream must have triggered something. Maybe it's the stress from everything here or maybe it's the fact that I haven't seen you in a month. I just woke up this morning and realized when it all began and I wanted to tell you.

I miss you, Reagan.

Always in my heart,

Luke

September 10, 2004

Luke,

School started again last week. I'm actually writing this letter during Spanish. It was different knowing that you weren't here. It's not like we ran into each other all the time but just catching a glimpse of you every now and then was the highlight of my day. I don't have that anymore. I barely see Elliot.

He says you might be able to come home soon now that boot camp is done. Congratulations on graduating. My parents took us to the Bahamas for a week or else I would have been there. Elliot said it was pretty cool to see you walk across the stage. He showed me a few pictures. You look different. I can't tell what it is, but you look different to me. Maybe it's the uniform?

There's not a whole lot going on here that you're missing. Elliot has a new fling. Some girl from a different school. He calls her V so I'm not really sure what her name is. She's kind of skanky. Even James doesn't like her and you know he normally likes everyone, especially Elliot's "toys". That boy will never learn to keep his hands to himself.

I don't have much else to tell you. I hope I get a letter back from you soon. They are the highlight of my day. Just remembering our last few weeks together makes me smile. I can't wait until you come home and we don't have to sneak around. It was pretty hot, but I think things can be just as interesting without all the secrets.

Miss you,

Reagan

October 2, 2004

Reagan,

Things here are crazy. I'm being deployed. I can't tell you where but it's not somewhere I want to go. Please don't worry about me. I know you will but try your hardest to know that I'll be as careful and safe as I can. I'm not sure when I'll get a chance to write again either.

If something happens, always know that I will never forget you, Reagan Elaine Brooks. You are the next chapter in my life, the one that matters.

I'm sorry this letter is so short. I have to pack and we are leaving in 30 minutes.

Always in my heart,

Luke

November 13, 2004

Luke,

You totally could have left out the part that said "don't worry" because you know me better than that and I've done nothing but worry about you since I got your letter. The part about never forgetting me and shit. I hate you for that. You make it sound like a goodbye letter and I won't accept that. I know you're scared and so am I. You will be fine. You will come home safely. You will come home to me and it will be soon.

Instead of asking Elliot about you, I ran into James on purpose the other day at school and asked him. He said you were fine. It made me wonder if he really knows anything so I invited myself to dinner at your house last night and asked your mom.

She looked concerned, Luke. What the hell?

If your mom is worried about you, then you are probably in danger. Does she know where you are? I need you to at least tell me that. I can't stop thinking about you. I actually failed a government exam the other day because it asked me something about a war and I couldn't answer it. I froze up. All my thoughts went to you and your safety and I didn't even finish the exam. It was the second question!

I need peace of mind, Luke. Please.

Call me. Text me. Send me another letter. I've been waiting for a letter for over a month so that I know where to send this one. I'm hoping it reaches you, wherever you are.

Okay, I'm crying now so I better wrap this up. I love you, Lucas Robert Evans. Come home to me safely and come home to me soon.

Love,

Reagan