Текст книги "Next"

Автор книги: Rachael Brownell

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Текущая страница: 6 (всего у книги 15 страниц)

July 3, 2009

Luke,

I'm not sure why I'm writing you. I'm not even sure if the address I have is right. I guess I'm just checking in. I want you to know that I'm not living in New Haven anymore.

I graduated from Yale a few months ago and now I'm back in Pacific Grove. I'm right on the water. I never thought that I would want to be so close to it, but it's amazing. We spend most of our nights sitting on the back porch drinking wine and talking.

Felicity is here with me. Did I ever tell you about her? She was my roommate at Yale. She's amazing.

There's so much that I want to tell you but not in a letter. I want to talk to you, discuss the last four years of my life with you. I really wish you would come visit.

Elliot told me that you signed up for another four years. I hope you didn't do that to avoid seeing me. I get the feeling that you did. I wish I knew why. Where I went wrong. I wish I could fix this, fix us. Things were supposed to be different, remember? We were going to be great together. Like I said, I wish we could talk about this, in person.

I hope things are well with you, wherever you are.

Reagan

WORK. HOME. WORK. HOME.

My life feels like a swinging door. On one side of the door is my bed where I sleep for a maximum of six hours a night. On the other side is my office where I spent at least twelve to fourteen hours a day. When I took this job, I don't think I realized what kind of a commitment it would entail. I've made progress, but it's taken me a ton of time.

A year and a half to be exact. I was promoted after being with the company just less than a year. At 24 years old, I'm the youngest CEO they've ever had. My hours are crazy, but the rewards are greater for my hard work. There's more travel and less personal time. If I were attempting to create a lasting relationship with anyone, I would be concerned. It's a good thing that's not the case.

I've missed out on a lot. I worked straight through the holidays this year. My parents wanted to take me on vacation to Europe after Christmas and I wasn't able to get away. I spent New Year’s Eve in my office, got home just in time to see the ball drop and then I went to bed.

In a weird way, I miss college. I miss having holiday vacations. I miss being able to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Being an adult isn't all it's cracked up to be. It's rewarding as hell, especially now that things are on the right track, but it's not fun.

I'm leaving the office after only ten hours for the first time in months. I don't feel guilty, either. Everything is done. No loose ends to tie up when I go back to work on Monday. I can relax and enjoy my weekend. Hopefully without any calls from clients.

I'm not a lawyer, but you would think that I am from time to time with as many calls as I field.

Tonight is my first date in over three months. I'm excited to be able to relax and enjoy myself without having to worry about anything. Felicity is going to double with me. Will seems like a nice guy, but I don't know him very well so I convinced him to find a friend to double with us.

Felicity seems excited about it. I can't remember the last time she went out on a date. She's been on a few since we moved here but not many. She devotes most of her time to work like she devoted her time to school.

I call Felicity on my way home to let her know that I'm almost there. I can hear the excitement in her voice to be free for the weekend. We're meeting the guys at a bar close to our place for dinner and drinks. I have a little less than an hour to get home and change before we need to be out the door.

Felicity is waiting for me the second I walk through the door, talking a mile a minute about her day. I've never met anyone that loves their job as much as Felicity does. She makes getting ready a challenging process as she follows me from room to room.

We're out the door and on our way to the bar in record time. I want to get there before the guys do. I need a drink to calm my nerves. I haven't been nervous like this in years. I met Will a few months ago at the gym. He's one of their personal trainers. I accidentally hit on him a few weeks ago. I didn't think he was within earshot but when his head whipped around I knew I was wrong. Instead of the reaction I was expecting, he smiled at me and flirted right back.

Taking my first sip, I feel my body relax slightly. I'm going to need a few more before I'm completely ready for this night to begin, but I'll get there. Felicity's excitement faded the second I turned the car off. She's been quiet ever since we sat down.

"What's on your mind?" I ask her as I take another sip of my Bacardi and coke.

"Nothing. I guess I'm a little nervous." She's twisting the stem of her wine glass between her thumb and forefinger.

"There's nothing to be nervous about. If the guy’s a douche we'll leave."

"Maybe nervous isn't the word. I don't know anything about this guy and neither do you. That scares me a little. I have no idea what to expect. Will he be tall or short? Thin or fat? Handsome or repulsive? I just wish I knew something about him. Anything. What does he do for a living?"

"I didn't ask Will. This was a spur of the moment decision. I'm sure he's nice."

Her eyes focus on her wine for a few seconds before she takes a large sip. We wait for the guys in silence. I hear Will's voice before I see him. I turn around to wave and notice who's with him. I'm going to throw up.

Walking beside Will, directly towards our table, is none other than Frank Collins. An acquaintance from high school. A person that I could live the rest of my life without seeing again and never miss. He was friends with Luke until he stabbed him in the back their senior year when he slept with Luke's girlfriend. Not the kind of guy I want anywhere near me or Felicity.

Elliot beat the crap out of him after Luke left for boot camp because Luke refused to acknowledge the situation. He broke up with Jenna and moved on. Frank would try and get Luke riled up in the halls, hoping for a confrontation, but Luke acted as if he wasn't fazed by it. In the beginning, I thought he was hiding his feelings. It wasn't until after our kiss I realized that he actually didn't give a shit.

Frank did him a favor. He ended things with Jenna for him. After almost two years of dating her, Luke was free. He didn't have to make up a reason or lie to her. Her feelings didn't get hurt. I'm sure he would have broken it off with her before he left anyway.

"Reagan?" Frank's voice carries over the music and slaps me in the face. Damn! He recognizes me.

"You know, Reagan?" Will asks in surprise.

"Yeah. We went to high school together." He turns toward me and smiles. That's the same smile that I hated when we were younger. There's always a motive behind his smile and it's never a good one. His eyes drop from my face to my chest and descend lower as he speaks. "It's been a long time."

"Not long enough." The words slip out before I have the chance to filter them. Will gives me a questioning look before he steps between Frank’s eyes and my body.

"I'm going to grab a drink at the bar. Would you ladies like anything?" His smile is tentative. I don't know him well enough to know what he's thinking, but I wish I did. He's obviously uncomfortable with the way Frank is looking at me.

"No, thanks." I respond before turning my attention to Felicity. "I think we're going to head out, actually. Maybe we can get together another time."

Felicity gets the hint and grabs her purse. I toss some money on the table for the waitress and stand. We're out the door seconds later. I don't bother saying goodbye. With friends like Frank, I can't help but question Will's judgment.

Felicity and I spend the rest of the night watching movies and eating popcorn. I'm disappointed that things went south before we had a chance to get to know each other, but it's probably for the best. Will may have been the only plan that I had at the moment, but he was a still a short term plan.

That doesn't stop him from calling me the next morning. Or the next afternoon. He leaves messages that I delete without listening to. He sends me a text message and I don't respond. After 24 hours of silence, I think he finally gets the hint. Now I'm going to have to change gyms.

The morning sun warms my face while the cool breeze off the water keeps me from overheating. My feet pound against the sand, digging in slightly, as I make my way to my marker. The halfway point in my run is a little over half a mile. I've thought about increasing my distance, going a full mile before turning around. It's not worth it in the end. I would have to wake up earlier if I wanted to make it work on time and I would be worn out by the time I got there. I need my energy, and my sleep, if I'm going to make it through the next few months.

Elliot is graduating from grad school in May and then he's coming home. I can't wait to see him. He wasn't able to make it home over the holidays and I have been too busy to even think about trying to plan a trip to see him. Only a few months and then we can reunite. I'll probably be sick of him after only a few days, but I'll still be happy that he'll be closer.

I reach my marker and turn back towards the house. I look down at my watch and immediately pick up the pace. I'm slacking this morning. I may not have to head to work, but I still have things to do today. Plus, I don't want my average time to suffer. I dig in harder and concentrate on my breathing.

Felicity seems to be excited that Elliot is coming home. She has been trying to get me to plan a party for him since she found out last week. I'm sure we'll celebrate. I'm sure people will migrate to our house like they always do. Elliot will be staying with us until he finds a place. That fact alone means that the party might last weeks.

Today Felicity and I are clearing out the guest room and starting to get it ready for Elliot. It's been our storage room since we moved in. I have no idea what's even in there. I moved a bunch of stuff from my parent’s house over about a year ago but never sorted through it. I have boxes of stuff I'm sure I haven't even thought about in almost a decade.

After showering off, I grab a cup of coffee. Felicity is on the back deck waiting for me, her coffee already half gone. We need to go shopping for furniture, bedding, pretty much everything you can think of. We can't do any of that until we clear the room out, though.

"Morning," I say as I take a seat across from her.

"How was your run?" She asks as she takes a sip.

"Refreshing as always." Running helps me clear my head. I needed a good run after last night. I still can't believe that Frank was Will's wingman. Elliot is going to get a kick out of that when I tell him.

"Ready to tackle all those boxes?"

"Not really but it has to be done and I'm not sure when my next weekend will be this free and clear. Did you pick out furniture yet?" I love to shop, but I haven't had the time so Felicity has taken over the project. She says the room needs to have a beachy yet masculine feeling to it. I have no idea what that means, but I trust her.

"I found a few places I want to check out today. Do you wanna do that first or clear the room first?"

"Let's get it cleared out in case we find stuff while were shopping that can be delivered today." Felicity nods in agreement, but neither of us makes a move towards the room. It's a scary place. I noticed that the door was open when I headed to grab my coffee. Felicity must have been in there while I was in the shower. It's a mess.

We finally make our way inside and start to tackle box after box. Some are full of old clothes that we set aside to donate. Others are full of random crap that I collected as a kid. I had not one but two sea shell collections. The third box I came across had dolls in it that I set aside to donate. By the time we made it to the last few boxes I was worn out. As I opened the box on top of the stack, I froze in place.

I pull out the shoe box that's inside and set it aside. I know what's in there, but I'm not sure that I want to relive those times yet. One day I will and I'll keep the box in a safe place for when that time comes. Until then, Luke's smiling face will remain hidden. I wonder if he still looks the same as he did back then.

George.

Derrick.

Adam.

Mike.

Tucker.

Will.

The list could go on and on. The past two years have been a whirlwind of sub-par dates. None of them even came close to comparing to Luke. Tucker lasted the longest. He made it all the way to the third date before I was done with him. The rest, Felicity calls them one-date-wonders. I left two of them in the middle of the date. I felt bad, but there was no way I was going to be able to suffer through the rest of the evening.

George talked too much. I expected conversation during dinner but not during the movie. Derrick barely talked at all. When his hand tried to slide up my dress before the appetizer arrived, I knew I was going to bail on him. I excused myself to use the bathroom and slipped out the back door of the restaurant.

They all called the next day. They all asked for another chance, one more shot. Derrick even promised to be on his best behavior. Not. Going. To. Happen.

My dates have made for great stories lately. Felicity and I have shared a few good laughs the last few months discussing my epic fails in the dating department. This weekend, I get to discuss those fails with Elliot, in person for a change.

He's finally finished with grad school. I'm not sure why he signed up for two more years of school, but he did. He graduated last week with his Master’s in Education. Then, he called to tell me that he accepted an offer to teach at our old high school. I think he's crazy to want to go back and spend his life there. I didn't hate high school, but I was glad when it was over. I certainly wouldn't want to go back.

Tomorrow I get to hug my best friend for the first time in too long.

I pack up my stuff for the night and head to the parking garage. I'm going to hit the gym on my way home today. I haven't been in a while and I'm craving the endorphins. I've been running on the beach in the morning, but I haven't worked on my upper body lately.

My arms start to burn after only a few minutes using the free weights. I switch to a machine, but the burn won't go away. I give up and head for the treadmill. I'm half-way through my two-mile run when I hear his voice as clear as day. He can't be more than five feet behind me. I trip over my own feet and almost go flying off the treadmill.

"Reagan. How are you?" I turn to find Will, shirtless and sweaty, suppressing a sexy grin. He saw me trip, he had to.

"Hey, Will. I'm good. How are you?" I try to act casual. I haven't seen him since Felicity and I left him and Frank-the-tool at the bar months ago.

"Good." The girl standing next to him nudges him in the side. "Sorry. Reagan this is Angela, my girlfriend. Angela, this is Reagan."

He doesn't attach a title to my name which is probably good. How would he describe me, anyway? The girl he attempted to date? The girl who left him standing in a bar?

"Hi," I say in her direction. She's glaring at me. I would act the same way if my boyfriend were staring at another woman that I didn't know. She needs to retract her claws, though. I'm not here to fight for him. "Well, you two have a nice night. I'm going to hit the showers."

I walk away from them without another word. That's turning into my MO these days. Words complicate things. I don't like complicated. I have enough things in my life that are complicated. I don't need to add anything else to the list.

The next morning I'm just about to leave the house for my run, when my phone rings. It's the ass-crack of dawn. I answer without looking to silence the ring. I don't want to wake Felicity.

"Hello?" Who in the hell is calling me?

"Would you like some company on your run this morning?" I recognize the voice but don't place it right away. "The fact that you're awake tells me that you still run the beach every morning."

Will. Why is he calling me? After running away from him and his girlfriend last night, he has no reason to call me. "I'm not sure that's such a good idea. Your girlfriend didn't seem too excited to meet me last night. I have a feeling she wouldn't like you running with me. Alone. On a beach. At six o'clock in the morning."

"She wouldn't like it, but it's not up to her."

"Why are you trying to cause problems for yourself?" And for me. I want to add that, but I keep it to myself.

"I'm not. I told her that I was going to try and get you back as a client. I need the extra work and since you’re still working hard, I thought we might be able to team up again."

Will was a fantastic personal trainer. I haven't replaced him because I haven't had time. I've been using everything he taught me, though. I still run the beach in the mornings. I've set up a workout space in the guest bedroom. I even purchased a few pieces of equipment. At first, it was to avoid going to the gym and running into him. After a while, it was more convenient to come home and work out on my own schedule. I had to move my equipment out to the garage so Elliot had a place to sleep or else I wouldn't have gone to the gym last night.

"I don't think that's such a great idea. I have things under control for now but thanks for the offer."

"I'm outside your back door. The least you could do for my efforts is let me run with you."

What? I walk into the living room and sure enough, Will is sitting in a chair on the back porch, grinning at me through the French doors. He waves and I hang up on him. He's not going to go away. When he stopped calling after I walked out on him, I thought he was a quitter. I was either wrong or he's changed his ways.

Unlocking the door, Will follows me with his eyes but he doesn't say anything. He knows the drill. We run. No talking. I close the door behind me and immediately start stretching. He mimics my actions, the routine we use to do together, as I put my foot on the railing and stretch my thighs and calves. This goes on for five minutes before I jump off the patio and onto the sand.

It's brisk this morning as the wind slaps me in the face. The sun is starting to rise and warm the air around me. My body warms about halfway to the turnaround point. I kick it up a notch, forcing myself to run faster. Will keeps stride with me.

When we first started to run together I struggled to keep up with him. Running on a treadmill is different than running in the sand. It takes strength to push yourself through the sand. There's resistance that you don't get when you're on a machine. I nearly broke down that first day, but Will wouldn't let me quit. He showed up the next morning and pulled me out of bed and onto the beach.

His persistence turned me on. I had high hopes for him. I'm glad it ended when it did. I could have let myself get attached to him. That wouldn't have turned out good for either of us.

Felicity is drinking her morning cup of coffee on the deck when we make it back to the house. I've asked her to run with me before but she refuses to do anything before she has coffee.

"Morning." She says as I plop down in the chair next to her and stretch out the best I can.

"Hey," I say between deep breaths.

"Will," Felicity says and nods in his direction.

"Good Morning, Felicity. Nice to see you again." I look up to find Will leaning against the railing, dripping sweat but breathing normally. Show off.

"What brings you to our part of the beach this early in the morning?" Damn it, Felicity. Why are you asking him questions that you know the answer to already?

"I thought I would be able to convince Reagan to work with me again, but she's a stubborn one."

"That doesn't explain why you're still here." I try to suppress it, but I can't. A small giggle escapes my lips when I see the look on Will's face. Felicity just put him in his place and he has no idea what to say. God, I love this girl.

"I guess I should be going then. Ladies, it was nice seeing you. Reagan." He waits for me to make eye contact before he continues. "If you have a change of heart, you know how to reach me."

I nod but don't respond. He takes that as his cue to leave and disappears around the side of the house. Felicity lets me catch my breath and grabs me a cup of coffee before she starts her inquisition.

"What was that all about?"

"I ran into him at the gym last night. He must have decided that I needed some help based on what he saw." Not a chance but I have no idea why he would show up here otherwise.

"Yeah. That must be it. You're getting fat." I don't miss the sarcastic tone she's taking with me. "Look, he was a nice guy. If you were to give him another chance, would it be the worst thing in the world?"

"He is a nice guy. His girlfriend also seems like she might be a nice person. I met her last night too."

"Oh!"

"Yeah. She was with him at the gym."

"That's kind of weird, right? He introduces you to his girlfriend and then shows up here."

"It is, but I'm not surprised. I have a knack for picking the wrong guys. He's already on that list, remember?"

We drink the rest of our coffee in silence, enjoying the sound of the waves crashing against the shoreline. Felicity will sit out here for hours if I don't get her moving. Today is the big day and I'm going to need her help getting everything ready. We have to go to the store this morning and start prepping food. Our guest of honor will be here about noon and everyone else will be arriving about four. Time to get our butts in gear.

I'm in the middle of cutting fruit for sangria when the doorbell rings. I look up at the clock and it's only eleven o'clock. Felicity is in the shower so I rinse my hands and head to the door. The bell rings again and then again right after. It can only be one person and he's early. Really, really early.

When I open the door I'm bombarded. He's lucky it was me and not Felicity that answered. She might have decked him if she didn't recognize him right away.

"God I missed you so much." His voice is music to my ears and the tears start to fall before he finishes his sentence.