Текст книги "Fast Forward"
Автор книги: Marion Croslydon
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Текущая страница: 4 (всего у книги 14 страниц)
CHAPTER 9
Cassie
As every morning since I’d stepped onto this goddamn bus four weeks ago, my eyes shot wide open at seven a.m. on the dot. I stared at the pleats sticking out from the curtain around my bunk. That curtain between my bunk-bed and the ‘rest of the world’ had been a life-saver. I dressed and un-dressed behind it, wrote songs behind it and dreamed of Josh behind it.
And dreaming about Josh was what I was indulging in right now. Dreaming of how warm his body had felt behind me when I woke before dawn last Sunday. He was still sleeping and I felt his bare chest rising and falling each time he breathed. The time on the digital clock had warned me there were only a couple of minutes before that freakin’ alarm would start ringing. While I’d counted down every second in my head, my eyes had studied his hand enlaced with mine on the duvet. It was strong, but delicate, each vein drawn beautifully beneath his skin. He’d held me tightly throughout the night.
I hadn’t slept much, but really, who gave a flying fu—oops—monkey about sleep when the happiness inside reached ten on the Richter scale?
That goddamned alarm had rung all-too-soon. There’d been the rush to get dressed after a quick shower, and then the goodbyes. My cab had been the first to leave to Ronald Reagan Airport. Josh was flying from Dulles. To Europe.
He’d arrive back from Paris this morning. Maybe he’d already landed. That meant there wasn’t an ocean between us anymore. I tossed and turned a couple of times on that freakin’ bunk-bed, trying to kick my next thought out of my head.
I failed.
Eleanor was in Paris.
Eleanor was in Paris.
Eleanor was in Paris.
La-Di-Da-La-Di-Da! I sang in my head. But that wasn’t enough to cancel the image of Josh and that beautiful girl, having dinner in one of those romantic cafes I’d seen in so many damned movies. I could even hear the violin playing in the background.
I groaned and bit my tongue. I had a guy sleeping above me. Actually I had guys sleeping all around me. Cool, sexy guys. Really, I couldn’t go all insecure on Josh. Josh, who’d pushed me to go on this tour—because he wanted me to follow my dream.
Yep, time to get a grip, O’Malley. In one move, I swung my feet above the edge of the bed and pulled the curtain open. No lacy number for my nights on the bus. Not that I owned anything sexy anyway. I slept in my tracksuit. A dull, brown tracksuit. Plain with nothing written on it.
A tracksuit shouting to all the dudes onboard that I might well be the shittiest lay this side of the Mississippi.
Josh had chosen the tracksuit.
It had been his only request. He didn’t need any others because wearing this tracksuit managed to put me off sex.
“Hey, sleepyhead!” said Shawn through an opened-mouth yawn.
I’d stumbled to the front of the bus. Along the central walkway there were big revolving seats, set two-by-two, on either side of small tables. He was sitting on one of them, a mug of coffee in his hands. Outside, the Arizona desert sprawled out to the horizon, and beyond. Its bright red soil made me blink in awe.
I slumped onto the seat opposite Shawn. We didn’t talk for a minute or two. He then stood and headed over to the mini-fridge in the kitchen corner behind the driver’s seat. When he sat back, he laid a can of Coke in front of me. “The Black Doctor’s gonna help with nausea.” He winked at me.
I hadn’t told anyone about my transport-sickness. I guess the bluish shade of my skin had given me away. That, and the stubborn way I kept my eyes glued on the road ahead of us ninety-nine percent of the time I was on the bus.
“Thanks.” I gave him a warm smile.
I’d been careful with Shawn. Deep down, he was a good guy; but he liked women. Chasing them, flirting with them… sleeping with them. Fooling around wasn’t in the cards for me. I’d been worried he’d hold that against me. He hadn’t. If anything, we had the beginning of a friendship.
“Still working on that song?” I pointed at the sheets spread across the table. I took a sip of Coke and let the bubbles tickle the inside of my mouth and wake me up.
“Sweet Second? Yes. I love it, Cass, it’s a winner. And I really enjoyed working on it with you.”
I’d written the lyrics one night when I was going through a bout of serious Josh withdrawal. It was about our second chance at love, our second chance as a family. Our second chance at everything. Later on, I’d sat down with Shawn and we’d started composing the music.
“I liked it too. It’s the first time I’ve ever shared my music with another musician. It’s kind of intimate.” I fidgeted on my seat and took another sip of my Coke.
“Just like sex.” Shawn nudged me with his feet under the table. It didn’t help with the heat creeping across my cheeks. “I’d like to do that again with you. Writing a song, I mean, because sex ain’t gonna happen. I got that message loud and clear.”
My eyes met his head on. “No. It’s never gonna happen.”
We settled into an uneasy silence. The rest of the guys were still sleeping off the booze from the night before. Last night must have been pretty wild, but I’d invested in the best earplugs.
“I want to sing Sweet Second with you tonight. On stage.”
Woo-hoo! That was bumping up my ranking in the show big time. I was still the girl who was filling in for the guy who broke his leg. The one in the opening act and the sometimes-back-up. The Libs—and Shawn—were the hot ticket
“What are the other guys going to say? That’s not gonna fly with Geoff.” Geoff was in a bit of a power struggle with Shawn. .
Shawn took several sips of his coffee. I gulped down some more Coke. “We’re breaking up.”
“What?”
“It’s been festering for a while now. I’ve been offered a record deal. Will called me a couple of days ago to tell me. But it’s for a solo album.”
“Eek. You broke the news last night, hence the heavy boozing.”
“Hence the heavy boozing and the shouting and arguing.”
Grateful nod to my earplugs. “Congratulations.” I leaned over the table and squeezed his hand. “I’m happy for you. I’m sorry for the other guys, of course, but happy for you. Who did you sign with?”
Something shot across Shawn’s gaze. Gratitude? He gave me the name of the record company and I was speechless. He couldn’t get any bigger than that.
“Will you go up on stage with me tonight? We can use it as a trial run.”
“A trial run for what?”
“For tomorrow and Will. He’ll be in Vegas. I’ve told him you’re awesome and he liked what he heard back in Kansas City. I want to push Sweet Second with the studio. Hopefully we can try it as a duet.”
My Coke went down the wrong way and made me cough. And cough and cough. Damn, not the right time to look like I wasn’t quite right in my head.
“Sorry.” I put my hand on my chest to get the freak show inside me back under control. “That—That would be beyond my wildest dreams.”
“Calm down. I’m not at the stage when I can tell the studio what I want. But I’d love that song to be on the album. And if possible, you as well.”
I blessed that night back in Oxford when Sam had strong-armed me into singing as a warm-up for The Libs. It might have been one of those moments you looked back on later in life and say in a wise, old, croaking voice, ‘That’s when things started to happen. That’s when my life changed.’
“I’d love to sing Sweet Second with you tonight.” It was the best song I’d ever written, a bit too pop-rock, granted, but still my best one. I felt all antsy about going on stage to share it with the world. Anticipation crept from my stomach to my heart and all the way on up into my head. It got all fuzzy up there.
In the back of the bus, my cell beeped. And now I was antsier, but for different reasons.
“Go and check it. That husband of yours won’t survive long without hearing the husky sound of your voice.” Shawn put his hand over his heart as if in pain. I was already half-way down the corridor when he added, “Say ‘hey’ and ‘thanks’ from me.”
“Thanks? For what?”
“If he hadn’t screwed up in the past, I wouldn’t have one of my best songs today.”
I shuffled from side to side on my feet. Shawn had guessed Sweet Second was kind of auto-biographical. Duh, what else did I expect? The song was about two people getting married in high school, then losing each other, and finally getting back together.
“He didn’t screw up. I did.”
I reached my bed and crawled inside to hide. Curtain drawn, I checked my cell. My fingertips were tingling in anticipation. I needed to read his words.
Josh (7:34): Checking connections from Dulles to Phoenix. I HAVE to see you. Another day without you and I’ll be ready for the men in white coats.”
The gigantic smile that broke across my face must have been Joker-like. Second chances tasted real sweet. What was he going to say though about my next baby-step toward fame?
Except it wasn’t a baby-step anymore.
CHAPTER 10
Josh
There’d been Cassie’s flight to D.C. last week that had been delayed by three hours. Today, my flight to Phoenix had been unceremoniously cancelled. No reason given. Just fucking cancelled. I’d managed to book myself onto another flight later in the day. I’d make it, but only for her gig. I’d wanted to take her for dinner or something, but it wasn’t going to happen now. She was the warm-up act so I might not even be there in time to see her.
Luckily they were staying overnight at a hotel in Phoenix. A Phoenix hotel wasn’t where I wanted our second ‘first time’ to take place, but at least I’d have a few hours alone with Cass in my arms. It wasn’t much, but I’d take anything I could get at this stage. Beggars can’t be choosers and all that.
I didn’t pay attention to life outside the cab I’d managed to highjack at the airport. By the time we’d made it to the concert venue I’d stopped checking my watch as well. There was no need to. If I struck it lucky, the gig wouldn’t be over yet.
I handed a note to the driver. “Man, wait for your change,” he shouted after me, but I was already half-way out the door.
“Keep it.” I rushed inside the building.
I’d sworn to her that I’d be there to watch her sing, as I’d only seen her perform twice before. The first time at a fair near Steep Hill light years ago. The second time was back in Oxford. Not my best memory, but it had nothing to do with Cassie’s singing, and everything to do with finding out that I was a father. To a five-year-old boy named Lucas.
I hadn’t felt chipper that night.
The pounding in my head increased with each step I took closer the entrance. To get backstage I’d have to squeeze through the crowd. Inside it was as hot as the Arizona Desert. The Libs were working the crowd real hard. Music wasn’t really my thing—football was—but even I couldn’t help feel the electricity wiring through the room. And it was all because of Shawn.
The guy was good. Real good. I’d reached the front row and, instead of going backstage, kept watching the show.
Shawn had charisma. I’m sure chicks called it sex-appeal. The guy was meant to be on stage, either to play music or to deliver speeches to crowds. If he didn’t make it in music, he could go straight into politics. That realization didn’t settle well with me. That rock-god had shared Cassie’s living quarters for the last month and there were another two weeks to go. Thinking about this could make me crazy. So I decided not to think about it.
I readjusted the shoulder strap of my overnight bag, then started marching towards the passage that led backstage. It was easy enough to identify: a massive guy—the bouncer type—stood in front of it, arms crossed, face passive. I was about to show him my pass when Shawn drawled my wife’s name into the mike.
I paid attention. Acute attention. Cassie sauntered casually across the stage, her guitar strapped across her shoulders. She wore what I’d seen her wearing about a thousand times. Cowboy boots, denim skirt, a white, tight T-shirt. Her hair was down in its usual wavy way. Nothing had changed about her.
And everything had changed.
Chicks would call it charisma. I’d definitely call it sex-appeal. My jaw dropped like a fucking cartoon character. I was falling for my girl all over again.
I listened to the few words she huskily muttered to the crowd, but I didn’t really hear them. It was too much to ask my other senses to start working when my sight was already in overdrive. Just the way she leaned gently over to whisper into the microphone pushed me over the edge. It was something about the angle of her body. From where I stood, I had to look up at her, at the shape of her legs illuminated by the lights from the back of the stage and at the shadows the lights created around the strands of her hair.
When she launched into the song, my hearing switched up several gears. I’d listened to enough of her songs to recognize how she articulated her thoughts, how she rhymed and how she played.
And it didn’t take long to determine this one was about us.
The second time around
It’s the same sweet sound
Just more of you, more of me
To finally be free
I didn’t like it that she was up there with Shawn, but Cassie seemed so happy, so in her element, I pushed that small disappointment aside. After the song ended, I finally made it backstage. It was officially my first time there and I was clearly outside my comfort zone.
There was a squeal. “Josh!”
I spun round and stumbled backward because Cassie had thrown herself on me. Along with her guitar that was now sticking up against my chest. I forgot about it when her mouth landed on mine.
When we broke the kiss, she wriggled away from me, removed her guitar and set it down against the wall. “Did you hear the song? The whole song?” She was out of breath. I’d never seen her on such a high.
“I got here just before you started it. I’m sorry I missed the first act. My flight was delayed and I had to wait ages for a cab, and—”
Cassie’s mouth was back on mine. I wasn’t used to this level of PDA from her. Not that I complained. She looped her arms around my neck. She had to go on tip-toes, so I grabbed her thighs and lifted her up and around my body. People were hurrying along us and I heard a few whistles. The Neanderthal in me banged his chest.
She nudged her face slightly backwards and I swear I saw stars sparkling in her eyes.
“You smell so good,” she whispered in my ear.
“Eau de Plane, I’m afraid.”
“Come on, I thought you’d buy yourself some fancy cologne in Paris.” The stars were still there in her eyes but, for a split second, they didn’t sparkle as brightly.
We’d have to talk about Lenor.
But not now. Later tonight.
“You shouldn’t have spent so much money on a plane ticket.” Her hand was on my chest. “We need to save up for a flight back to Kansas City.”
She had a point. “I got some air miles with this European trip. Senator Estevez decided to take an earlier plane back to D.C, but it was already Friday morning. It was too late to arrange something with Lucas.”
Trisha, Lucas’s case worker, had asked we lodged any requests to see him at least ten days in advance.
“Anyway, I’d have missed the amazing show you just gave out there.” I nodded toward the stage. “Last time I checked, your name wasn’t even on the flyers. And now you’re closing the gig with the main act and getting cozy with the lead singer.”
She giggled. Damn, Cassie didn’t giggle or squeal. She’d done both within the last five minutes. Her gaze shifted to over my shoulder.
“I want you to meet someone.”
“Really? Because what I want to do right now is head straight for your hotel room.”
She gave me a sly smile and dragged me towards a space hidden in a corner behind the stage. A space full of guys lounging around, drinking beers, and a couple of girls who didn’t look to have been invited for their witty conversation.
Shawn was talking to one of those girls and she was hanging on his every word. His gaze shot to Cassie as soon as we turned the corner and my arm shot around her shoulders in a split second.
“Hey, Cass! Have you recovered?”
“That was pretty special.” Her eyes ping-ponged between Shawn and me. “I know you’ve met Josh before but I want to introduce him properly.”
I extended my arm and we shook hands. We didn’t let it linger too long.
“Is that the first time the two of you have performed it?”
“Cassie came to me with the lyrics a couple of weeks ago.” He took a swig of his beer. The girl gave up and moved onto her next target. “Then we collaborated on the melody. The crowd loved it, don’t you think?”
Cassie rolled on her toes. She buzzed with excitement and it finally got to me. I deserved a kick in the ass. She was happy. Whether I had something to do with that happiness or not, it didn’t matter. I was happy for her. With her. The way she then looked up at me all expectantly was my undoing.
“Well done, Cass.” My hand slid along the nape of her neck and I pulled her towards me. I simply kissed her forehead.
“And that’s just the beginning.” Shawn leaned closer to us as if he was about to share a secret. “Hopefully I can use it for my first album. I’d love Cassie to sing it with me but I’m not the one making the decision.” Another swig at his beer. “I’m not yet the master of the universe.”
Cassie’s gaze was glued to me like a kid praised by her teacher at parents night. Lucas’s face flashed through my mind. The first time we played football together, the first time I’d met him back in the Sorensons’ house. He’d been all proud of himself after a good throw and he’d looked just like Cassie now.
“Well done,” I repeated. Words failed me.
My cell vibrated in the back pocket of my jeans. It’d been doing that ever since I’d landed and I knew I couldn’t keep ignoring the new voicemail. I checked the screen but didn’t recognize the cell number. It was a Kansas City number though.
“Sorry, guys. Give me a minute.”
I stepped back and left Cassie chatting with Mr. Rock-God. I felt slightly less edgy about him. Maybe the guy was less of a player than I thought. I brought the phone to my ear and tried to ignore the noise surrounding me. I thought it might be Curtis clocking some extra hours on a Saturday night. But it wasn’t. It was Trisha.
By the time the message finished my stomach weighed a ton and so did my heart. Cassie was still chatting with Shawn. Shawn was staring at me now with a frown. He’d guessed correctly that whatever the call was about, it wasn’t good news.
I walked back over to them. Cassie kept chatting away about how it’d felt on stage minutes before. For once I didn’t listen to what she was saying. Shawn answered her but he wasn’t focused either. He kept throwing sideways glances at me.
I hadn’t let myself digest the pain the news had caused inside me. My brain was playing catch-up and whirled around in search of the best way to express itself.
Finally, silence froze the space between the three of us. Cassie’s gaze zeroed in on me. I hated how my words would kill the light in her eyes.
“What’s up?” she asked in one word.
The words stalled inside my mouth.
“What’s up, Josh?” She didn’t give me the choice.
“Let’s go somewhere private.”
“No, tell me why you look like shit suddenly. Tell me now.”
I swallowed hard. “Cass, Trisha left a voicemail while I was on the plane. It’s about Mr. Guidi... Alfredo... he passed away in his sleep.”
Her happy face broke into thousands of unhappy ones.
“When?”
“Two days ago.”
“What happened?”
“His heart gave up.”
I expected Cassie to crumble. She’d lost her gran three months ago. Mr. Guidi had filled some of the void left in her heart. She swayed on her feet for a second or two, but then straightened with a jerk of her neck.
“Does Lucas know?”
“He was told yesterday. Trisha says he didn’t take it well.”
“He didn’t take it well?” She let out a bitter chuckle. “Lucas has now lost the only family he had left. So, no, I guess he didn’t take it that well. Who told him?”
“I don’t know.”
Cassie was already somewhere else mentally. Shawn didn’t exist anymore. I didn’t exist anymore.
“Is there a direct flight from Phoenix to Kansas City?”
I was about to answer with another ‘I don’t know’ but I bit my tongue. Instead I got my smartphone out and kicked the Internet into action. “It might be quicker to get on the first plane out of here and connect on from there.”
She moved to my side and together we roamed around airline websites.
“There!” Her index finger pointed at the screen. “We’ll have to connect in L.A, but if we leave Phoenix before dawn, we could be with Lucas by midday.”
I nodded and started to book the tickets when Shawn cut in. “What about the gig in Vegas tomorrow night?”
Cassie was still part of the tour for another two weeks, but if anything qualified as an emergency, it was this.
She stiffened and turned to Shawn. “I’m sorry. Lucas, my son, needs me. I can’t leave him on his own.”
Shawn shifted position on the edge of the table he’d been sitting on. “Cassie, this isn’t going to fly with Terry. You’re already stepping in for someone who had to bail.” He ran his hand through his hair. “What am I going to say to Will?”
“What’s the deal with Will?” I addressed my question to Cassie.
The corner of her eyes creased. A shrug of her shoulders and it went away. “Doesn’t matter.”
“Will’s flying in from L.A. tomorrow to discuss the album,” said Shawn. “I want him to see Cassie and me perform Sweet Second on stage. I’ll need him onboard to push the duet to the record company.”
Things had gone faster than I’d expected for Cassie. Apparently, the duet wasn’t a castle in the air. It could be the real deal.
I stared down at the flight details on the tiny screen, and then checked on Cassie. She was silent. Again, she reminded me of Lucas. Granted, being absent from a new job a month in—even for a few days—wasn’t the best career move for me either. But I’d find a way through this.
I took hold of Cassie’s elbow and forced her to turn and face me. My thumb massaged the spot where her pulse beat, but her muscles remained stiff under my touch. I pulled her aside. I didn’t want anyone to witness what I was about to say.
We returned to where we’d met earlier, right by the stage. Her guitar still stood against the wall. It was much quieter now. Most of the action was taking place in the temporary bar area.
“Cass, what about I fly first thing tomorrow to Kansas City? You’d only need to stay a couple of extra days, see Will in Vegas, and—”
“—Stop right there, Joshua!” She raised her right hand like a stop sign. “What you’re trying to do is real nice and I appreciate it. But I’m flying tomorrow morning with you.”
“Come on, Cass,” I pleaded, “don’t throw this chance away. We’re a team now, you and me, let me take care of it for a couple of days and—”
“—Take care of it? It is a little five-year-old boy whose world has vanished in a puff of smoke.”
Cass shuffled on her feet, curling and un-curling her fists. She exhaled, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to bark at you.” Her gaze hardened though and her eyes pierced mine. “We always want the best for each other, Josh, but this isn’t about us. It should never have been about us. It should always have been about Lucas.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. Was Cassie more important to me than my son?
“Cassie, I know how much you love singing—”
“—and I love Lucas much, much more. In fact, the two can’t even be compared. We’re flying to Kansas City tomorrow morning. I can be back on the tour before mid-week if they still want me.”
I lowered my forehead against hers. “Okay, Cass. Let’s fly together.”
I walked her back to the bar area. Shawn hadn’t moved but the girl had come back to hang at his side.
“What’s the plan?” he asked straight to Cassie.
“I’m sorry, Shawn, but I have to be in Missouri tomorrow.”
The guy nodded but his mouth twisted in disapproval. “Listen, I don’t know shit about kids and being a parent. What I know though is how hard it is to break through in this industry.”
Cassie let my hand go and stepped toward Shawn. “I know that but—“
“—Do you, Cassie?” He put his bottle on the table. “Because you sure don’t act like it. You’ve been lucky to get on a tour without having to beg for it. Now you might get to record a song of yours with a top label and you decide not to show up?”
“I don’t have a choice.”
“We always have a choice, babe. Look, that whole ‘one chance in a lifetime’ thing probably seems a bit naïve, except this guy, Will?, he doesn’t give a second chance. I don’t like that about him, but his record speaks for himself. Don’t think for a minute that making it in the music industry doesn’t come at a cost.”
I was about to step in but Cassie’s chin lifted. I had to let her fight her own battles. “Giving up on my son when he needs me isn’t a price I’m ready to pay.”
Shawn nodded again but his gaze softened. “Then you made your choice.” He wrapped his arm around the girl’s shoulders and dragged her away from where we stood. “I’ll try and cover for you in front of Terry and Will. But get your ass back on the tour ASAP. In music, it’s not like in love, you don’t often get sweet seconds.”
“Thanks.”
As soon as he was out of earshot, I asked, “You still want to go, Cass?”
“Nothing will make me change my mind.”
