Текст книги "Fast Forward"

Автор книги: Marion Croslydon

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Текущая страница: 2 (всего у книги 14 страниц)

CHAPTER 4

Josh

“It’s so lovely to have you around. At least I have an excuse to savor some of this Grappa.”

Mr. Guidi sat on one of the chairs on the deck in his back garden. I’d grilled some burgers for dinner and the three of us enjoyed the cooler temperature of the evening.

I’d drained my Grappa—a lemony aperitif from Italy—in one go and could still taste its syrupy flavor. “Mr. Guidi, we’re the ones who should be grateful. I hope us staying here hasn’t been too much trouble. We must’ve interrupted your routine.”

The man waved off my comment. “Routines are meant to be shaken up from time to time. And this is a very good reason, which is nice.” His voice trailed off.

The last time his routine had been messed with was back in May when his only daughter died in a car crash. Jenna was Lucas’ adoptive mother. A cloud settled around us and the old man stared blindly at the light yellow liquid in his glass.

“Jenna brought this bottle from Italy. The three of them went last year.” He took a slow sip from it and the air around us became heavier. “I told them the boy was too young to remember, but Jenna didn’t want to hear anything about it. She kept saying Lucas had to get to know where the Guidis came from.” He gave a faint chuckle and I noticed the light shaking of his hand. “I’m glad now that they went. It was their first, and last, real vacation as a family.”

Six years ago I’d have known what to say, but I’d become so closed-up over the years that my mouth stayed stupidly—frustratingly—shut. Cassie made her way over to Mr. Guidi. She knelt at his feet and slid her hand in his.

“Alfredo,” she murmured, “Alfredo.” He shook his head as if he were lost in another world. “I want to promise you something. When Lucas comes and lives with us, we’ll make sure he knows everything about his Italian heritage. Do you remember what Jenna cooked when I came over for Lucas’ fourth birthday?”

A broad smile broke across Mr. Guidi’s wrinkled face. “Penne Arrabiata. She got the recipe from her mom. And it had been passed down to my wife Anna from her mother.”

“I’d never tasted anything like that. Spicy and smoky at the same time—delicious. Would you do something for me?”

“Of course, my dear.”

“Would you share that secret recipe with me? I could practice a bit and then I could make it for our adoption celebration dinner.” Cassie struggled with boiling an egg. So a full recipe with ingredients, skill and tradition? I had my doubts.

But she didn’t seem to doubt herself. “It’ll be Penne Arrabiata alla Cassandra!”

“Bene!” Mr. Guidi raised his glass.

“And hopefully we’ll all survive lunch without food poisoning.” Cassie stood and kissed him on the cheek. Life gleamed again in Lucas’ grandfather’s eyes. He was already sitting up straighter in his chair.

I was so grateful to have this girl back in my life.

Minutes passed as the three of us eased into light small talk until Mr. Guidi slowly rose. I stood to help him. I’d come to like this old man very much.

“Thank you, Josh. I think it’s time for me to go to bed. Do you have everything you need?”

“We do,” Cassie answered. “Please, promise me you won’t wake up to say goodbye tomorrow morning. It’s far too early.”

“Someone needs to make you some real coffee. This husband of yours can only make dishwater. I want to see the two of you off anyway, so don’t even try to stop me.”

Cassie hugged him and I shook his hand. “I’ll keep working on my barista skills, Mr. Guidi.”

“Don’t worry, my boy. You can’t expect much more from a MacBride. Scots can’t make coffee or I’d have heard about it by now.”

We made it to our room and I flicked on the light. It was a small room and painted a shade of blue that must have been fashionable when the late Mrs. Guidi decorated it. Thirty years ago, at least. Everything was the same coral blue, from the frilly cushions against the bedpost to the fluffy rug.

“Alfredo looked really exhausted tonight.” Cassie put her toiletry kit on her bedside table.

I tried not to stare at her bare golden legs peeking out from under one of my Oxford shirts. It hung loosely around her and the few buttons she left open had me imagining what the curve of her breast would feel like. She turned toward me and I noticed a smudge of white at the corner of her mouth. I stepped closer to stand over her and wiped it away.

Pink colored her cheeks. “Please tell me I haven’t had ketchup all over my face since dinner.”

“Nope. Toothpaste.”

“Phew.” She kept staring up at me and the blush didn’t recede. The palm of my hand cradled her cheek and she slowly rested her face against it. Her skin was warm and soft, and so kissable.

I leaned forward, my eyes holding her baby blues. My lips were on hers before I could even think about kissing her. I fought for breath and my heartbeat quickened. She snuggled against me and lust burst inside me like fireworks against the Fourth-of-July midnight sky.

I lifted her by the ass and pulled her up to me as she wrapped her legs around my waist. In one stride, I lay her on the bed and pressed down on top of her, my hips grinding her warm body.

We both searched for air at the same time but my hands had a will of their own. One slid underneath her cotton panties to hold the firm muscles of her ass, the other cupped the back of her head so her face was tilted towards mine.

“You taste minty,” I whispered in her ear.

She answered with a throaty chuckle that was sexy as hell. “Is that supposed to make me all hot and bothered?”

I grazed at her earlobe with my mouth and followed down the line of her jaw. She trembled underneath me and I knew her words were all bravado.

“My bad, Mrs. MacBride. I’m a bit out of practice.”

I was starving for Cassie, but I wasn’t a teenager anymore. My lips moved from the corner of her mouth, down her neck. I stopped at the base and brushed against the small hollow, then down the valley between her breasts. I gave tiny bites to her nipples through the material of the shirt. She whimpered and I lost control.

My fingers moved along her hipbone. I’d always loved its curve. I started kissing her again, this time my tongue hunted for hers. I sucked at it. Once. Twice. Each time triggering a thrust from her hips. There was nothing left of the fumbling. This wasn’t our clumsy first time at Sweet Angel Point. Or the spur-of-the-moment sex we had back in Oxford. It’d blown my mind, but it had also been wrong in so many ways.

The memory pierced my heart and punched at my libido. I tore myself from Cassie, my fingers, my lips. I rolled onto my side and lay on my back. I stared at the ceiling while the movements of my chest betrayed the turmoil inside.

“What the hell?” Cassie sounded pissed-off. “I’ve been trying to cool you down all week and now, when we’re about to commit the deed… you back off.”

“I’m sorry.”

Silence filled the tiny space between us until she turned sideways with her head resting on her crooked arm. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” I shot back. I moved so that I faced her, our mouths a few inches apart.

“So why’d you stop?” She sounded like a little girl whose favorite toy had been taken by the playground bully. I was out of my fucking mind to deny us what we’d been dancing around since we got back together less than a week ago.

“I don’t think we’re ready yet.”

Cassie crossed her hands over her chest and curled her legs underneath her. “How so? Because from where I stood—or laid—you felt very ready.”

“I’m totally up for going at it all night, Cass. But this isn’t about that.” I extended my hand and rested it on her stomach above her scar. The scar left by the C-section.

“What is it about then?”

“I want it to be our first time all over again.”

A wrinkle appeared between her eyebrows but there was a smile in her voice when she asked, “Then why didn’t you jump me when we got back together at Sweet Angel Point?”

“I’m serious, Cass. I’ve been drooling like a puppy dog all week waiting for you to give me the green light. But I don’t want what we had in Oxford. I want making love to be about our future. I want it to be about being married and committed to each other.”

Cassie bit on her lower lip and avoided my eyes. “I thought you were committed to me. Back under the cotton tree, you said it was the real deal this time, that this was our second chance. Have you changed your mind?”

My hand flew to her face, my thumb underneath her moist eyelids. “I’ll never go back on my word and I’ve never meant anything other than what I said to you that day. It meant even more to me than when I said ‘I do’ in front of God and Reverend Beasley.”

Her body relaxed against me. “Sometimes you talk like a chick, you know.”

“Baby, trust me when I say there’s nothing feminine in my boxer shorts right now.” I gave her an innocent kiss, one that lasted barely a second. I wasn’t that masochistic or self-controlled. “But when I make love to you for the first time again, it will be as a husband honoring his wife.”

“Yeah, but technically we’re already husband and wife.”

Damn, the girl wasn’t making it easy for me to be good. “What I’m trying to say—and failing to apparently—is that we have to focus on the man and the woman we are today. Not the boy and the girl we used to be.”

She stared downwards for a long minute, processing my words. A misunderstanding was the last thing we needed before parting for weeks. Finally her gaze settled back on me, locking my attention.

“Josh MacBride, I think you’re ready to get into politics. You managed to convince me to do something I absolutely don’t want to do.” Her tone turned solemn. “I understand. But I need you to cuddle and spoon me all night.”

“Then assume the cuddle position, woman.”

We wriggled underneath the duvet cover, me still half-dressed, Cassie with her back turned to me in an almost fetal position. I aligned myself against her, my arm over the hollow curve of her waist.

“Good night, Cass,” I whispered.

“Good night, Champ,” she whispered back.

CHAPTER 5

Cassie

By seven a.m. I had caffeine buzzing through my veins.

It’d started with Mr. Guidi’s triple espresso. But we’d left so early that we made it to the bus departure point with an hour to kill. We’d gone into a nearby diner to wait and I’d ordered a large coffee. It’d tasted as thin as water so I ordered a second.

Big mistake.

I was wound as tight as a spring. And it was also almost time to get onto a freakin’ bus full of strangers who lived and breathed sex, drugs and rock’n’roll. Okay, maybe I was being a bit clichéd. Still, they were all guys and the only women who ever got onboard were groupies, and they weren’t there just to enjoy a glass of iced tea.

Not that I was a prude, or anything. I mean, I got knocked-up at seventeen.

“So you’ll email me the paperwork as soon as you get it. Promise me,” I asked.

“Cass, chill out. Curtis is launching the adoption process this week. These things take time.” He leaned across the table and his hand covered mine. “We’ve talked about this.”

I nodded. My foot kept tapping against the side of my chair. “I’m not like you, Mr. Ivy League. Paperwork makes me nervous and takes me ages to get through. I have to think about every single word I write. I don’t want to say anything that’ll mess up our application.”

“Think about it like writing a song.” When I tilted my head sideways, he added, “Seriously! Just don’t worry, please. I’ll review everything before I send it to Curtis. So in the end there’ll be several pairs of eyes to ensure we look like the most respectable, mature and stable adoptive parents ever.”

I chuckled. “Good luck with that. Erasing six years of screwing up is gonna take some clever spin.”

Josh waved his hands and shrugged. “What can I say? I’m getting into politics after all.” His cocky expression shifted to a serious one. “It’s not a lie. We’re the best parents for Lucas?”

He said that, not so much as a question, but as if he was willing it to be true. “We are,” I told him because I knew so. I didn’t want us to part with heavy thoughts so I changed the topic. “I thought politics was all about big ideas and big dreams anyway. And this Senator Estevez you’re working for, he’s supposed to be new blood.”

“I’d like to think so.”

“So why do you look so gloomy each time we talk about your new job?”

Josh leaned against the back of his chair, his gaze lost somewhere through the window among the scene outside.

“I’d have made more money in lobbying.”

My heart froze. I couldn’t keep the words in and they burst out of my mouth. “You mean you could make more money if you were getting married to Eleanor and worked for her daddy.”

He looked dazed. “Where the hell did that come from?”

Coffee always made me snappy and I was overdosing on it right now. “Sorry… I didn’t mean to accuse you of anything. I guess… I still don’t feel totally secure. Lenor is pretty much the dream girl.”

“For the record, Cassie, I could have worked in lobbying for someone other than Bruce Carrington. I chose to join Estevez’s staff because I admire the man and I believe in him and what he can do for the country. Now is it the best paid job on the Hill? Nope. Far from it.”

“It’s still good money and, as far as I can remember, you’ve always wanted to change the world.”

“Sure, but I have a family to look after now.”

It was my turn to lean forward and lace my fingers through his. “You’ll look after us just fine, Champ. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself.” He didn’t say anything so I pushed my point. “You’ll make us proud, Joshua MacBride. I know you will.”

The tension in his body told me he wasn’t convinced. “It’s time to go,” he said.

I didn’t want to leave him. It was like being a kid on my way to summer camp, leaving my parents for the first time. Josh was my family and I couldn’t be without him ever again.

He paid for our coffees and escorted me outside. He had my duffel bag on one shoulder and carried my guitar case in that hand. His free hand was on the small of my back. He force-marched me to the corner where the bus would be waiting. It sat in front of the hotel where the rest of the band members had spent the night.

“What’s up, Cass?”

I didn’t answer.

Josh leveled himself so that he could stare at me in the eyes. “You know you’re going to be late now.”

I nodded. A tight nod like I’d seen Lucas make when he was sulking. Josh cocked his eyebrow but didn’t say anything.

“I don’t want to go.”

“Are you scared to be in that bus full of testosterone-fueled guys? Because, to be honest, I’m a little scared one of those cool guys will sweep you off your feet and make you forget all about your stuck-up, nerdy husband.”

Josh having self-esteem issues? That’s new.

“It’ll never happen, Champ. You’re the only one I want to sweep me off my feet. Even when you’re old and wrinkly.”

He whistled. “So I better stay fit in my senior years.”

“You bet. But that’s not why I don’t want to go.” He gave me another cock of his eyebrow that made my toes curl inside my boots. “I don’t want to be away from you again.” The wave of emotions crashed over me harder than I expected. A waterfall of tears wasn’t the good-bye gift I wanted to give Josh. “Now that I have you back, I never want to let you go.”

The humor left his face and his expression turned serious. “Listen to me, Cass. Listen to me carefully.” His forehead came to rest against mine. “We are never letting go of each other. Never. That shit is never happening again.”

I fought the lump in my throat. “Then why am I getting onto that bus when I could follow you to D.C?”

“Because you shouldn’t have to sacrifice who you are to love me.”

“I can’t be a mother and a wife if I’m touring around the country and sleeping on a bus.”

He lowered his gaze and I knew I’d scored a point. “Let’s deal with that when the moment comes. Right now there’s nothing we can do about Lucas except filling in the paperwork and spending time with him when we’re given the opportunity. That’s why I want you to get on that bus and climb on a different stage every night and give it everything you’ve got.”

I swallowed hard. “I’ll try to make you proud.”

“I already am.”

And that goddamned tear tracked down my cheek. His lips came closer to stop it and make it his.

“Let’s go.” He grabbed the bag he’d let fall on the sidewalk and my guitar, and pulled me by the hand.

“Cassie.” Shawn was waving at me from the front of the bus. “What the fuck are you doing? I’ve been calling your cell for the last thirty minutes. We need to get on the road like an hour ago.”

I’d switched off my cell.

“Sorry,” I mumbled and walked briskly to Shawn. He was already halfway into the bus. Goosebumps broke over my bare arms under the cold rushing from the air-conditioner.

“I thought you’d bailed on me,” Shawn drawled, pausing on the steps to welcome me.

“Sorry,” I repeated lamely, but my new colleague was now focused on Josh.

He extended his hand toward Shawn. “Josh MacBride. I’m Cassie’s husband.”

Shawn did a double-take. “So that’s true… I thought Cassie was making that up to keep me away.”

“That’s the truth, nothing but the truth.” Josh smiled at Shawn but his voice sounded to me like several hundred degrees below zero.

“Okay,” Shawn answered. He took the duffel and the guitar from Josh. “Say your goodbyes and we’ll be off.” He disappeared inside.

I climbed one step, which brought my eyes almost to Josh’s level. “So this is it.” Oh God, no crying, no crying, no crying. I pursed my lips and locked my jaw.

“Make the most of it, Cass.” His mouth caressed mine. It wasn’t enough but any more and I would come undone. “With some luck we’ll see each other in D.C. in three weeks and then next month here again to see Lucas.”

I started to turn around and climb the stairs. The strength of his grip on my wrist startled me. In a flash, his palms cupped my cheeks.

“I won’t let you get away, Cass. Not again. I made the mistake twice. I believed the worst of you. I didn’t fight for you.”

“It’s okay, Champ. It’s the past—”

“It’ll never be okay. You are worth fighting for. You are worth dying for. And you are certainly worth living for. I’ll go after anything or anyone standing between us like a fucking Rottweiler.”

He kissed me and it felt like he was stamping me with his love. My legs threatened to give way. He stood back and I climbed one step backwards. The automatic door shut in front of me.

I lifted my hand and waved at Josh. I must have looked like the poor kid who’d lost her mom in the mall. I heard whistles coming from the cabin of the bus but I didn’t give a damn.

My lips shaped the words I hadn’t said to Josh for so long. I didn’t want to say them out loud. Not because of the guys making fun of me, but because there were only mine and I didn’t want to share them with anybody but Josh.

I.

Love.

You.

CHAPTER 6

Cassie

Toilet bowls are gross. Toilet bowls in the backroom of a small concert venue in downtown Wichita are GROSS, GROSS, GROSS. I forced my eyes to look away, pinched my cheeks and breathed out. Five loud times.

My stomach gradually started to settle down. A bit. Still, when I held my hand out, it was shaking. I had—what?—five minutes to pull myself together and get my butt on stage for the opening act. Tonight was my baptism of fire.

I rubbed my lips together, spun around and lifted the latch. Like a soldier heading into battle—or a prisoner on death row—I headed out of the restroom, down the corridor to the tiny backstage area. I walked into a cloud of smoke.

The Libs were all there except Shawn. One of the guys—the drummer—was stretched across a tattered sofa. He extended his arm toward me. “Wanna a puff before the big show?”

“No, thanks.” I’d never done drugs, not even pot, and I wasn’t going to start now. Even on the edge of a freakin’ meltdown.

“Give it a rest Pete. Blondie’s all prim and proper. Don’t lead her astray.”

I looked at the guy who’d just spoken. Geoff. A real asshole. I’d been on the bus with The Libs for two days but I’d already determined the lanky bassist with pantie-dropping doe eyes was a plague best avoided.

“Thanks for looking out for me, Geoff. But, don’t refer to me by my hair color.”

He whistled. “I love a girl with attitude.”

“Really, I thought you simply liked them loud.” Last night, I’d woken up to the screams of the girl he was making out with on the bunk above mine.

The guys laughed but Geoff didn’t. I guess he wasn’t that keen on girls who answered back after all.

“Ready, Cass?” Shawn made his entry. He was shorter than the rest of the band but he had that special spark the others lacked. His energy filled the small room. He was the one familiar thing I’d held on to for the last two days.

“Ready.” I swallowed hard. It was total bluff and Shawn’s half-smile told me he’d found me out.

“I’ll walk you to the stage if you want?”

I nodded and grabbed my guitar. I slid my hand in his, hoping he wouldn’t notice how damp it was. At the end of the corridor three steps led up to the stage. I prayed my legs wouldn’t give way beneath me.

“It’s a small venue, Cass. Not much bigger than The Turf.”

I nodded again because if I opened my mouth now, I’d croak.

“You’re shit scared, are you?”

Another nod.

Shawn’s hand reached for my earlobe. He pinched it gently.

“What was that for?” I mumbled.

“It’s my trick to help with stage fright.” He did another gentle earlobe squeeze. “Does it help?”

With the noise of the audience bursting throughout the room, I could still hear my heart beat pounding in my chest and my stomach and my head.

“No.”

“Put on your guitar strap.” I obeyed, but Shawn was now watching me intently. If I wasn’t one inch away from losing it, I’d be blushing hard or telling the guy to stare elsewhere.

“Take a deep breath,” he whispered to me. I took a raspy breath. “You’ve got something very special, babe. None of those guys have it.” He nodded toward the backroom. “You make the stage yours from the second you step onto it. So don’t be scared out there because that’s where you’re meant to be.”

“I don’t—I’m not,” I stammered.

“It’s like going home, Cass.” He climbed two steps and held out his hand to me.

I stared at it for what felt like a day. I swallowed hard again and something shifted within me. I was burning to get out there. Because out there was the only place I wasn’t scared of anything.

I took Shawn’s hand.