Текст книги "Luke"
Автор книги: M. Malone
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Текущая страница: 9 (всего у книги 12 страниц)
chapter twelve
†
SEVEN
This morning, I was only half awake when Luke kissed me goodbye. I heard something about an appointment but I was asleep again before he left the room. By the time I wake again it’s almost lunchtime.
It’s probably a good thing that Luke isn’t here to witness my painfully awkward walk to the bathroom. I’ve never thought of myself as being in bad shape but we definitely gave my muscles a much needed workout again last night. I’m stiff and sore all over, even after I stand under the hot spray of the shower for a solid ten minutes.
Amidst the warmth and steam I acknowledge that I’m using sex to distract me from the rapidly looming deadline. Agent Walker hasn’t emailed me again yet but it’s coming. It’s only a matter of time. Luke has definitely sensed that something is wrong but he doesn’t seem to want to delve too deeply either.
I think we’re both afraid of upsetting this delicate equilibrium we’ve reached.
Maybe if I get some work done I’ll be in a better frame of mind to come up with a plan. I get out and towel off, then dress in jeans and a T-shirt before sitting down behind my computer. After a while, I get up and put on my headphones. I’m not used to being in the apartment alone and the quiet seems so loud. Luke didn’t say what his appointment was about but he’s been gone for a long time.
Insecurity threatens and I wonder if he’s seeking space from the recent tension between us. Can I really blame him if he is? It’s been a strain on me, too. My feelings for him have me all turned around.
An hour into working on my newest game, I’m immersed in my music when I hear a loud sound. I pull my headphones off and stretch. “Luke?”
There’s no answer.
I save my progress and then close my laptop. When I open the bedroom door, I hear the shower running in the bathroom across the hall. I walk into the kitchen and then stop.
Luke’s laptop is on the counter. And he’s left it logged in.
This is the exact opportunity I’ve been waiting for. His guard is down and he thinks I’m asleep. This could all be over and I could be on the train home to New York first thing in the morning. I’d finally have everything I’ve always wanted most, Grace safe and sound with me. We’d be a family.
My laptop bag is next to the couch. I retrieve the flash drive from the side pocket and then carry it back over to the counter. Luke was looking at Facebook. The page is still open on the screen. His profile picture stares back at me. I drop the flash drive on the table and run my hands over my face.
I can’t do it.
When I started this, I thought it would be so simple. Wipe my legal slate clean and get the thing I want most in the world, custody of Grace. But that’s not the only thing I care about now. I want something for myself, too.
Luke. I want Luke.
The first sob takes me off guard, so much so that it actually startles me. I clap a hand over my mouth to hold it in and it feels like I’m holding back more than just the sound. I’m holding myself together by a string.
Then suddenly, I’m not holding myself together at all. Luke is.
He wraps his arms around me from behind and buries his face in my neck. “I knew you wouldn’t do it. I knew it.”
“Oh god.” I turn in his arms and hold on to his shirt for dear life. He hooks his elbows under my knees and lifts me, carrying me back to the bedroom. I cling to him, feeling like he’s the only thing real and true in the world. He sits on the bed, holding me securely in his arms.
No talking. No questions. Just us.
By the time the tears have run their course, I’m limp and wrung out like a dishrag. That’s about how I feel, anyway.
Finally I lift my head. “How did you know?”
He brushes my hair off my face. “I figured it out a while back. You were being so weird. Hot and then cold. Happy and then sad. I could tell you were conflicted about something. All I had to do was think back to how we met. All roads lead to the FBI.”
“I was conflicted. Tortured.”
“You think I don’t know that?” He chuckles and the sound makes me feel less panicked. I’m not sure how he can be so calm when I feel like I’m in the middle of a tempest. “What did they threaten you with?”
I sigh. “I’ve done some things I’m not proud of. For a while I took any job that paid well. Legal or not. They said all would be forgiven.”
“And?” He raises his eyebrows. “What else? I know you, Sev. You wouldn’t have even been tempted if they just threatened to arrest you. They have to be holding something big over your head for you to have even considered it.”
Is it any wonder I can’t resist him? The man doesn’t miss a thing and he knows me better than anyone.
“Grace. They said my petition for custody of Grace won’t go through if I don’t help them. They promised that they weren’t after you. Just information you might have on your father.”
“I should have known,” he says.
He leans back until he’s flat on the bed, pulling me down with him. I listen to his breathing, the steady rhythm soothing after that wrenching crying jag. Finally my heart rate feels normal again.
“I’m so sorry, Luke.” The words seem so inadequate but they’re all I have to offer. And I mean them with every part of my soul.
“So am I, baby.”
Surprised, I sit up. “What are you sorry for?”
“For not ending this sooner. I could see what it was doing to you, how it was tearing you apart. I should have told you that I knew. That’s what I’m sorry for. Letting you suffer needlessly.”
I shake my head. “I’m the one who lied. You’ve done nothing but listen to me. Take care of me. And this whole time I was plotting to hurt you.”
“Like that day in the park? Why didn’t you do it then?” he challenges.
“Because …. Well, I don’t know.”
He guffaws. “You had plenty of time to do it when I was on the phone that day. Or any one of these days when I was asleep. You’ve seen me type my password so many times you could probably figure it out with a few tries.”
I can see what he’s getting at but I’m not ready to let myself off the hook so easily. This was something I did with my eyes wide open and it was wrong. No amount of sugarcoating can change that.
“I’m a coward, apparently. I was scared of getting caught.”
“You didn’t want to. It’s as simple as that.” He kisses me on the nose.
All my resolve melts like butter. God, he’s so sweet and always in my corner. He has my back even when I don’t deserve it. Who could stay strong when faced with an opponent this cute?
“No, I didn’t want to. I never want to hurt you, Luke. I just want … to love you.”
His eyes glow and he flips us over so he’s on top. My legs fall open naturally to accept him in the cradle of my thighs. He settles against me and I can’t hold back a little moan as he grinds against me. The sound is swallowed up between us when he kisses me.
“Say it again,” he mumbles against my lips.
“I love you, Luke.”
“I love you, too.” He kisses me deeper, entwining our fingers together over our heads. My hand flexes in his as he turns me on deftly with just a few flicks of his tongue.
“Mmm, now that we’ve gotten that established we have to figure out what we’re going to do.”
I wrap my arms around him, pulling him closer. It doesn’t seem real that he shares my feelings. I want to hang on and never let go.
“What can we do? Eventually Agent Walker is going to realize I’m deleting his emails and then I’m sure I’ll be arrested. For real this time. I don’t even know what the FBI has on me.”
“Probably not much but I’m going to give them something to keep them off your back just in case. Where’s that flash drive?”
He pushes up off the bed and extends his hand to help me up. Reluctantly, I take it and then follow him up front to the living room. His laptop is still on the counter. The flash drive is right next to it.
“Whatever they told you to do to my computer, do it.”
I spin around. “What? Luke, no way! I’m not giving them access to your system.”
He covers my mouth with his until my protests turn into soft moans.
“Baby, that’s not my computer.” He gestures to the laptop on the counter. “It’s the same make and model but it’s not the one I usually use. See?”
Upon closer inspection I can tell that this computer is newer than the one I’ve seen him working on.
“So you left this out here to test me?”
“I wouldn’t say that. I just made sure that no matter which choice you made, I could live with the consequences. But I knew all along you’d never go through with it.”
“You did?”
“Of course.” He wraps his arms around me from behind. “You’re always saving me, remember? It’s not in your nature to hurt someone you care about it. No matter what. But that’s not the only reason this laptop is here. It’s not just a decoy. It’s a peace offering.”
I raise an eyebrow. “What does that mean?”
He kisses me soundly on the neck and then grabs the flash drive. “It has all the information about my father’s shady associates that I could find. This should keep Agent Walker happy without giving him anything I don’t want him to see.”
“Do you really think this will work?”
“I can only hope so. But I guess there’s only one way to find out. Do it.”
He watches as I put the flash drive in the USB port. Once it shows up on screen, I double-click the file on it to open it.
“There. I guess there’s no going back now. I hope this works.”
He lifts me in his arms. “I’m sure it will. In the meantime there’s a few things we need to discuss.”
“Oh? Things like what?” My smile grows when his hands dip under the hem of my T-shirt.
“Well, I can’t let this go without some sort of punishment. I’m sure you understand.”
I giggle all the way back to the bedroom.
†
Luke’s brand of punishment is more like pleasure. Lots and lots of pleasure. We float together on a cloud of bliss fueled only by our desire for each other. By the time we come up for air, it’s almost midnight.
“We should probably stop for food and water at some point,” Luke mentions between suctioning kisses to my spine.
I sigh at each tender touch, my skin tingling all over from being rubbed, teased and scratched. The more he touches me, the more I seem to want him. It’s an insatiable desire he’s stoked in me, like a wild animal that’s never quite fed.
I find I like being wild with him.
“Food is probably a good idea.” But I’m too lazy and satisfied to move. It’s so tempting to stay here in this bed and ignore the outside world forever. But despite the fact that everything is out in the open now, there’s still the very real threat of us being torn apart.
My mind runs through every worst case scenario, from Agent Walker arresting me despite Luke’s peace offering, to him deliberately messing with Grace’s custody situation to punish me. My little bubble of happiness leaks away and I shiver under the reality of all the bad possibilities still out there on the horizon.
“You just tensed up. What’s going on in there?” Luke kisses the side of my head and then pulls me back into his embrace. It’s my favorite place to be, wrapped up in his arms and surrounded by his love.
“Just thinking about everything. About what happens if this doesn’t work.”
He sighs. I turn over to face him. “Thank you again for what you did. I haven’t forgotten that I’m not the only one with a lot at stake here.”
“It’s all going to be fine. If this doesn’t work, something else will. We can always figure out a solution as long as we do it together. No more secrets.”
That’s a promise I can get behind. It killed me to hide things from him before and that’s not a mistake I’ll ever repeat. “I promise to always tell you the truth. Even if it’s that your feet are cold.”
He cracks up and then presses the soles of his feet harder against my shins. I howl as the ice cold skin makes contact.
“Holy shit. You’ll pay for that!”
We roll around and around on top of the covers until I manage to straddle him. He’s still laughing when I plant my hands on his chest pushing him down. Of course, he could easily overpower me if he wanted to but he allows me to hold him down.
“I surrender.”
His hips flex, pressing his cock against me. He enjoys letting me take the reins for sure. But I can tell he’s just as exhausted as I am. Neither of us has the energy to deliver on any erotic threats right now so I snuggle against his chest, listening to his heartbeat as it thumps beneath my cheek.
Something occurs to me as I’m drifting toward sleep.
“Luke?”
“Hmm?”
“I know you said you only put stuff you want them to see on that computer but what happens if that stuff leads them to other things? Things that get your father in trouble?”
His muscles tighten beneath my chest and by the sudden tension in his body, I know this isn’t the first time he’s considered this scenario.
“Oh Luke. I never meant for you to have to choose between me and your family. I would never want you to do that.” That’s basically what Agent Walker was trying to force me to do, choose between my sister and my best friend. I would never put him in that position.
He sits up, taking me with him until we’re chest to chest. Forehead to forehead. His hands gather up the long waves of my hair and he uses the long tail to hold me still.
“Seven, listen closely. It wasn’t even a choice. You are my family. And I will do whatever I have to do to keep you safe.”
I can feel the truth behind what he’s saying with every word. When he told me he loves me, he really meant it.
I guess love isn’t only for the lucky few after all.
chapter thirteen
†
LUKE
Over the next few weeks, things are quiet. Seven and I are both on pins and needles waiting for something, anything, to happen. But Agent Walker doesn’t contact her again and though we’re watching the news carefully for any mention of arrests, there’s nothing.
It’s too soon to declare victory but as we approach a month without calamity, I start breathing a little easier. We called their bluff and nothing bad happened. I’m not sure who is looking out for us upstairs but it appears that Seven’s been granted a get out of jail free card.
And so has my father, apparently.
Slowly the knot of uncertainty that’s been lodged in my stomach loosens and I start to believe that things are going to work out okay.
Then I open the door on a Monday morning to see my mom with tears in her eyes. And I know instantly that something is very wrong.
“Mom? What’s going on?”
I move back so she can come in the apartment. Seven is sitting at the kitchen counter drinking her coffee. Her eyes widen when she sees my mom and she tugs the hem of the shirt she’s wearing lower over her bare thighs.
“Anita! I didn’t know you were coming over this morning. I’ll just go change.” She abandons her coffee on the counter and edges out of the room, giving me a mortified glance before her face disappears around the corner.
“Is everything okay, Mom? Is Grandpop in the hospital again?”
She wrings her hands, her keychain jingling with the nervous movement. When I see the look on her face, the knot in my stomach is back.
“Oh, sweetheart. You haven’t been online today at all, have you?”
I shake my head mutely. She watches helplessly as I stroke the mouse pad on Seven’s laptop to wake it up. There’s always a laptop accessible in our place. And now that we’re together, we know all of each other’s passwords. Neither of us has anything to hide.
Her homepage is a search engine so I pull up the MSN homepage. The headline stares back at me.
Billionaire mogul Max Marshall dies in FBI raid.
When I was a little boy and something scared me, my mom used to make up a story about it. Like if I was scared of a bug, she’d tell me a story about the bug walking home after a long day to see his family. Or about how the monster under my bed was really a misunderstood creature who liked the dark instead of the sunlight.
For the first time in a long time, I wish that she could spin a story for me to make it all better. Tell me that my father is on a long vacation or that he’s the captain of a pirate ship and out to sea. But as I stare at the black and white letters on the screen, I know there’s no way to spin this story that can make it better.
Nothing can change the sick certainty that my actions are directly responsible for my father’s death.
“I called you several times this morning. Then when you didn’t pick up I came straight here.”
Her voice recedes in the background as I walk over to the window overlooking the parking lot. It’s a beautiful day, the contrast of the bright sun to the devastation going on inside my head almost ironic. I recognize a few of my neighbors walking to their cars, holding coffee mugs and purses.
It’s all so normal.
What was it Max said to me? No matter what happens, the world just keeps right on spinning. Something like that. It suddenly seems vital that I remember his exact words, the last wisdom he shared with me. We had so little time together and what we had, I didn’t appreciate.
Now it’s too late.
A while later I come back to myself and realize that I’ve been standing at the window for a long time. My mom and Seven whisper behind me and I can feel their concern in the air. It wraps around me, choking me.
I’m not sure that I can do this right now. Say the right things and appear fine. Not now.
“I’m going out.”
Seven rushes around the kitchen counter. She’s changed clothes into one of the loose sundresses she loves so much. I love them on her, too. This one is a soft yellow. She looks like a ray of sunshine peeking through the clouds.
I don’t deserve sunshine and rainbows.
“Okay, I’ll come with you—”
“No. I need to go … I need to be alone right now.”
Hurt flashes across her face but she smiles, putting on a brave face. Her hand tugs at the ends of her hair. The sight of the nervous gesture only underlines my determination that I’m not good company for her right now. I love her too much to let my darkness take her, too.
“Okay, whatever you need.”
My mom watches as I grab my keys from the counter and then pull on a hat. “I’ll walk you outside. I need to get to the bakery. Rory can only handle things until ten.”
Seven hugs her. “Thank you for coming over, Anita.”
“Call me later and let me know how he’s doing.” My mom’s whisper carries across the room.
“I will. I’ll let you know if he needs anything.” Seven glances over at me and her eyelashes flutter when she realizes I’m listening.
My mom holds out her hand to me just like she used to when I was little. I take it, holding on to her all the way downstairs and until we’re standing next to her car.
“Luke, I know this is terrible. An awful tragedy. I just want you to know that you can talk to me if you need to. Or talk to Seven. But whatever you do, don’t hold it all inside.”
She leans up and kisses me on the cheek. I watch until her car pulls out of the parking lot. My phone beeps. It’s a message from Tank.
Meet us at Gabe’s place.
At least now I have a destination. I get in the car and drive. By the time I pull into Gabe’s driveway, I realize I don’t remember anything of the ride over. The front door of the house opens before I even get out of the car and I recognize Tank’s tall frame.
When I cross the threshold, his hand lands on my shoulder and the tension inside only twists tighter.
Gabe, Zack and Finn are already inside. They all look like hell. None of us seems to know what to say so we just sit around in stunned silence. Finally Tank speaks.
“I pulled some strings to find out what happened. The official story is that Max was taken into FBI custody and died while he was being brought in. His heart couldn’t take the stress of being arrested.”
He runs a hand through his hair in frustration. “That’s all I could find out so far.”
Finn puts an arm around his shoulder. “He was in his seventies, right? Why the hell would they take in an old man that way? There are ways to take someone in without terrorizing them.”
Zack looks up. “Maybe I shouldn’t have called him back to the States. He came back to meet with me and then he just stayed, I guess. If I hadn’t done that, he’d probably be hiding out on a beach somewhere.”
Gabe nudges him. “Don’t think like that. There’s no way you could have known what would happen. Besides, when does Max ever stick around somewhere just for the hell of it? He probably was here for another reason and it had nothing to do with us.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Zack doesn’t look convinced but he doesn’t offer anything else.
I look at my brothers. Tank and Finn stand on one side, Gabe and Zack on the other. They instinctively move toward the sibling they grew up with.
And as usual, I’m alone.
I open my mouth to tell them the part they don’t know. That he was only arrested because I handed him over on a silver platter. That I warned him but it was too little, too late. That I killed our father.
But somehow the words don’t come.
My mom was right. It is a terrible thing. And it’s all my fault.
†
Three days later, I stand in front of the mirror in my bedroom putting on a tie for the second time this year. Dressing up isn’t something I usually do. Weddings and funerals, I think.
Is it any wonder most men hate wearing suits? For the blue-collar among us they represent only the highs and lows of the human experience. Usually the lows because honestly, how often does life hand out lemonade?
I’m going to burn this suit after today.
Seven appears in the doorway. Her dark hair is pulled back into a severe braid and her skin seems so pale against her black dress. It’s been a rough couple of days and the stress shows in her face. It only underscores my guilt to see how my emotional absence has taken a toll on her.
I’ve tried not to pull away, worried that she’d interpret my distance as blame. But I can tell that she’s in her own personal hell, knowing that the bargain we made to save her future condemned my father to death.
“The car is here.”
I pull her into my arms and kiss her on the forehead. She places a cool hand on my cheek, and then follows me outside and into the limo waiting at the curb. I have no idea who arranged this, no idea who arranged any of this since the last few days have been such a blur. I assume my father’s staff has handled the funeral arrangements or maybe some relative I’m unaware of.
The idea of other Marshall relatives coming out of the woodwork at this point is so absurd that I have the insane urge to start laughing. If I have any other siblings out there, they’d do best to stay away from me. If Max had done that he might still be alive.
The limo glides to a stop in front of West Haven’s only funeral home.
“I’m surprised Max wanted to be buried here instead of at home.”
“Actually, this is just the memorial service. His body is being flown back to Ireland to be buried in the family plot tomorrow.”
Seven squeezes my hand and I squeeze back, hoping that I can convey how grateful I am that she’s here. If she wasn’t holding me together I think I would have been shredded by guilt by now and I’d just blow away in a million little pieces.
We file into the funeral home and Tank greets us at the door. My head is a blur as I shake hands with so many people, none of whom I will remember later. We follow Gabe and Sasha up front and sit in the front row. Zack and Josie are already there. Sitting in the row behind us, I see Claire, Tank and Finn’s mom.
Carol, the assistant I hacked all those weeks ago, taps on the microphone set up in front of the casket.
“Hello. My name is Carol Ryan.” She glances down at the little scrap of paper in her hand. “I first met Max Marshall when I was a twenty-two-year-old waitress at an Irish pub in Boston. My parents had kicked me out and I was on my own for the first time. Max gave me a job. He took care of me then and I’ve been taking care of him ever since. He was more than just an employer. He was a friend.”
She stops to collect herself. After a few deep breaths, she motions behind her at the closed casket. “Max wasn’t one for making a fuss so he left explicit instructions that there aren’t to be any tears. Just reflections on a life well lived.”
She sits and someone else I don’t recognize gets up and reads a poem. Then a trio sings a sad lament in Gaelic that brings a lump to my throat even if I don’t understand a word of it. When the last mournful note trails off, people stand and start leaving.
I stand, content to just follow the flow of traffic when Tank leans over his seat and tugs my arm.
“Luke, come on. Max’s lawyer has something for us.”
“I’ll wait for you here.” Seven kisses me on the cheek and then goes to stand with Sasha, Josie and Emma.
Tank leads us into a room off the back. An older man meets us at the door and motions for us to come inside. He seems very somber and I wonder if it’s just because of the occasion or if he and Max were actually friends. I’ve never met this particular lawyer before but that’s not surprising. I’m pretty sure Max has always employed a team of them for his many interests.
He motions for us to sit in the chairs in front of the desk. There isn’t enough room so Tank and I lean against the wall near the door.
“Thank you for coming. I’m Harold Levitt. Mr. Marshall left explicit instructions for how he wanted his will to be read. So I’ll just proceed.”
Finn leans forward. “He told us he distributed his estate early. I assumed that we’d already received our inheritance.”
Mr. Levitt places a pair of wire frames on his face. “He distributed a portion of his estate earlier this year, that’s true. However, he has bequeathed an additional sum to each of you.”
He clears his throat and begins to read.
I, Maxwell Marshall, direct my executors to pay all estate and inheritance taxes. I give all my tangible personal property to my sons, Tanner, Finnigan, Gabriel, Zachary and Lucas subject to the following conditions …
It all sounds like a lot of legalese to me but halfway through Tank starts chuckling. Gabe follows suit and then Zack. Finn just smiles with a hand over his mouth.
“Why are you all laughing?” I ask, shocked that they would be this disrespectful while our father’s will is being read.
Mr. Levitt doesn’t seem at all concerned and in fact when he lowers the paper he’s been reading from, I see he’s smiling as well.
Tank looks over at me. “Even in death, Max can’t resist having the last laugh. He’s put conditions on us receiving the remainder of his money. Just like last time. The cranky old bastard wants us all to get married and have kids before we inherit the rest.”
Finn shakes his head. “I bet he had a grand time coming up with this idea. It’s almost like he’s still here.”
Mr. Levitt puts down the document he’s been reading from. “This is the part where I’ve been instructed to stop reading that boring shit, as Max called it and read his personal missive to you.”
He picks up a white envelope and pulls out a single sheet of paper. It’s a distinctive shade of blue.
My sons.
If you’re hearing this, I’m finally gone. I hope you got a bit of a laugh out of my last will and testament. Had to throw a few curveballs in there just to shake things up. I meant what I told Carol about no tears. This isn’t a time for sadness but for joy. Knowing all of you was the culmination of a lifelong dream. You are all the embodiment of the man I could never be.
Until the next lifetime,
Max
Mr. Levitt places the letter carefully back in the envelope. Then he leans down and pulls out a bottle of Jameson.
“Your father requested that we share a drink in his honor. His favorite Irish whiskey for his favorite Irish boys. His words.”
He pulls out five glasses and pours a little in each. Tank hands one back to me and I stare at the amber liquid, Max’s last words to us rolling around in my head.
We all take a sip and then Tank starts laughing again.
“Only Max could turn a funeral into a pub crawl.”
They all laugh again but I can’t summon any levity. I’m burdened not just by the loss but by my part in it. Looking back I’m not sure that I would do anything differently. I had a hand to play and I played it. Max himself seemed to understand why I was doing it. He called it doing what I had to do. But none of it matters now, does it?
The end result is the same. He’s still gone.
I walk out, their laughter echoing behind me. I walk past the girls still sitting in the front row before the altar and past the people congregating in the lobby. Maybe if I walk far enough I can forget that doing what I had to do came at a very high price.
One I’m not yet sure how to live with.
