Текст книги "Luke"

Автор книги: M. Malone

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Текущая страница: 4 (всего у книги 12 страниц)

chapter six

†

SEVEN

After the challenge I threw down last night, I thought he’d want to get to work right away but Luke insisted we do nothing but chill. He ordered some Chinese which we ate in front of the television. We didn’t do anything that I haven’t done any other night of the year in my apartment in New York. It was a completely ordinary night.

Other than the fact that I was spending it with Luke.

As many times as we’ve chatted online, talking face-to-face allows for an entirely new dimension to our conversations. He has such an expressive face and before long I could anticipate his reactions just by the way his eyes narrow or how his mouth quirks to one side when he’s amused. It’s alarming how quickly I’ve become attuned to his moods.

And how barren my life will feel once he’s no longer in it.

When I wake up, he’s gone but there’s a blanket draped over me and the television is off. I sit up and glance around, pushing my hair off my face. The thought of Luke tucking me in fills me with guilt.

He’s trusting me with his dreams and I’m betraying him.

As I stand, every muscle in my body protests. I might have to abandon my story of preferring the couch at night. My back feels like it might have a permanent curve in it after sleeping all cramped up.

“Good morning.”

I jump at the sound of his voice. “Morning. You’re up early.”

“Need coffee. You want some?”

The sight of Luke in the kitchen fiddling with the coffee maker is so homey that it’s hard to watch. Emotion floods through me and for just a moment I allow myself to be a complete and total girl. Like, full-on, giggly, Hallmark card ridiculous. I turn away so he won’t catch sight of the way I’m grinning like a fool.

It’s just that this scene is so close to what I’ve imagined. Things I’m too embarrassed to admit I long for. Having a cute boyfriend who makes me coffee. To wake every day to that goofy smile and the tender look in his eyes that says he’s glad to see me.

That isn’t the only thing that says he’s glad to see you.

I glance over at Luke again and my eyes drop to the loose-fitting pajama pants that ride low on his hips. Pants that aren’t as loose-fitting as they should be in the front.

I can feel my cheeks burning as I spin around. My movements are jerky as I kneel and collect the blanket, folding it carefully and placing it on the back of the couch.

“Yeah, I want some.” The double meaning of the words hits me as soon as I say them and I shake my head. “I need coffee in the morning, too. That’s what I mean.”

Luke watches me as I walk around the room, feigning interest in the books he has stacked on the end table and the pictures on the walls. There’s one thing that I haven’t seen since I arrived.

His laptop.

I haven’t seen anything other than the desktop in his office and after poking around the first night I can tell he doesn’t use that much. Considering who he is and considering who I am, the omission seems deliberate. He doesn’t trust me yet. Even though it’s going to make things harder for me, my respect for him jumps a few more notches.

“Are you okay?”

“Hmm?” I turn from the window and then accept the mug Luke hands me.

After blowing the surface gently a few times, he takes a tentative sip from his own mug, watching me over the brim.

“Yes, I’m fine. Just looking around. This isn’t what I always imagined your place would look like.”

“Oh?” He raises his eyebrows but I can tell he isn’t mad. His eyes crinkle a little at the corners and I get the impression he’s laughing at me behind his cup.

“No. I was expecting more of a bachelor pad. With black leather everywhere and tons of video screens.”

He laughs. “Sorry to disappoint you with my boring taste.”

“Not boring. Normal. Refreshingly normal.”

“That’s probably the first time I’ve ever been called normal.”

Our eyes meet in a moment of complete and total understanding. Neither of us has ever been the type to fit in. Being outside the norm, a weirdo, a geek, whatever word people want to apply to us is a part of what drew us to each other. But when we’re together like this, I don’t feel strange or different.

“So, I couldn’t sleep last night and I was thinking. I need to make some changes.”

He deposits his coffee cup on a side table and then pulls out a folder. When he hands it to me, I open it to see the same list he sent me over email. His proposed curriculum for his coding school.

“Changes to your class list?”

He shrugs. “Everything. I added a few more things to the list but it feels… I don’t know. Incomplete.”

I scan down the list, reading the new things he’s added to the bottom. It’s mainly security stuff for the more advanced students like fuzzing, Trojans and how to spot a DDoS attack.

He leans closer, his arm brushing against mine as he drags his finger down the tentative curriculum he’s drawn up.

“Some of these are going to be for the later classes, obviously. But I just wanted to get my ideas on paper. Just as a start.”

“It’s a great start. But …”

“What? You have an idea?” When I hesitate, his voice deepens. “I really want your input, Sev.”

The rumble of his deep voice rolls through me and I shiver inwardly. Usually I hate it when people try to nickname me but when Luke does it, it feels different somehow. Personal.

“Well, when I was first learning to code, it was difficult to practice since I didn’t have ready access to a computer.”

“Right.” He nods encouragingly.

“I would jot lines of code down in my notebook and study them when I got home. So I was thinking maybe we could provide some printable sheets and exercises in addition to the online tests.”

As I talk, I can feel myself getting excited. This program would have made such a difference if it had been around when I was a kid. Even if I didn’t have a computer, if I’d had someone provide me with pre-printed worksheets that I could study it would have been so much easier.

“That’s a great idea. Looks like you’re saving my ass all over again, huh? I didn’t even think about that.” He jots printed worksheets at the top of the page in his neat, block handwriting.

“Really?”

“Yeah.” He looks at me strangely. “This is exactly why I wanted your input. You’ll think of all the stuff I’m missing.”

My breath whooshes out in relief. “I just didn’t want you to think I was trying to take over your project.”

I glance over at Luke. He’s watching me with a little smile on his face. It’s always tricky to propose new ideas for someone else’s projects. This is a pet cause for him and I don’t want him to think I’m being critical. But to my surprise, the little grin on his face spreads until he bites his lip and looks down.

“Feel free to take over anything you want.” He looks up at me, his dark eyes following the movement of my hand as it tugs on the ends of my hair.

The warmth that’s been steadily building as we sit so close together, magnifies. I tuck my hair nervously behind my ear even though I really want to pull it over my face and hide a little bit. God, it’s so hard to look at him this close. He smells so good and he has the longest lashes I’ve seen on a man. When those eyes swing my way all I can think about is all the ways I’d like to take over.

Mainly by climbing on top of him and seeing if his lips are as soft as they look.

“Okay,” I whisper. It’s all I can think of to say but his eyes glow with approval.

I can feel the old insecurity bubbling up and I want to untuck my hair and pull it forward to cover my scar so badly. But the way he’s watching me lets me know he has no problem with the way I look.

†

Over the next week, Luke and I work on the curriculum for his school. I thought it would be awkward, especially with the latent sexual tension brewing between us. It’s been a while since I lived with anyone and it’s an experience I wouldn’t have thought I would enjoy.

Although I’ve lived alone for years now and I’ve never thought I was lonely, this past week with Luke has driven home how solitary I truly am. I eat alone. Sleep alone. And when I need company, I go to my favorite coffee shop to people watch. Then I would chat with Luke over IM in the evenings. Instant messaging probably doesn’t sound like a conversation to anyone else but for us, it was everything. He was everything.

But in just a week’s time, Luke has managed to make me feel like I’m an important thread in the fabric of his life. Not for a moment have I felt like I’m in his way or cramping his style. We work separately on our own projects until the afternoon, and then we move over to the bakery so he can keep an eye on his mom.

By the third day, I was ready to go before he even told me. I’ve absorbed into his regular routine without missing a beat.

He seems to really enjoy having someone to bounce ideas off of and collaborate with. And I’ve found myself seeking out his opinion or advice throughout the day, as well. Sometimes, I think I don’t even want the advice but just to be close to him.

He really listens when I talk and the way he watches me … Damn, it’s addictive to be the center of his focus. Even though he looks so intense, like he’s imagining every variation of dirty thing he could do to me, there’s no doubt in my mind that if I asked him to he could repeat back everything I’ve said. Luke seems just as turned on by my mind, debating every topic with me from the best RPG games to the perils of a capitalist society.

Our discussions are as stimulating as any physical touch and by the time Friday rolls around, I’m one big throbbing mess of sensation. But he still hasn’t touched me. He promised that if I stayed here, we would work together the same way we would have if I had been a guy. Luke is sticking to that promise.

His ethics have never been more inconvenient.

This morning Luke decided that we needed to get out of the house so we’re sitting in the park enjoying the first official day of summer. The foliage above us is a brilliant explosion of green and I take a moment to close my eyes and enjoy the breeze. A change of scenery is nice and it’s definitely sparking my creativity. I pull up one of my unreleased game designs. Art was always fun as a kid but I just didn’t have the skill for it. Luckily designing graphics on the computer is a little easier with the right tools. Especially the way I do it.

“Are you working on one of your games?”

I look over my shoulder at the sound of his voice. He leans closer and squints, trying to see the screen in the bright sunlight.

“Yeah. I’m working on a new version of my bestselling game.”

My computer is angled away from him so he can only see part of the screen. Luke has always known that I design games on the side but I never told him which ones. I knew he wouldn’t be able to resist poking fun. And I understand why. It is pretty ridiculous. But there’s no use in trying to hide it anymore. If I’m going to stay here for any length of time, he’ll eventually see me working on it and figure it out anyway. After a moment, I sigh and turn my laptop so he can see what I’m working on.

That’s when he loses it.

His laughter rolls out of him until he falls to the side, his laptop sliding off his lap and into the grass.

“Shut up! It’s not that funny.” But I betray myself when a little snicker escapes.

My eyes go back to the vector image of a misshapen pig on my screen. The snout is deliberately big and there’s a maniacal light in his eyes. It looks like a homicidal mutant pig.

“It is funny. It’s fucking hilarious. I can’t believe Pig Punt is one of your games. How could you not tell me that?”

He’s still laughing but seems to have mainly recovered.

“This is why I didn’t tell you. You think I don’t know how stupid it is? But this is my highest selling game. It was number one in the app store for over a week!”

Luke leans closer and I freeze, all my righteous indignation gone now that his soft breath is wafting against my neck.

“This is pretty epic. Trust me, I’m in awe of your genius. I only wish I had thought of it first. But I have to ask. Why are the graphics so bad?”

Then he’s laughing again, except he muffles the sound against my shoulder. The sensation goes straight between my legs and I have to clench my thighs together before I embarrass myself by moaning out loud.

Does he even realize what he’s doing? His mouth is pressed against my neck while he’s laughing away. He’s turning me on and he doesn’t even seem affected.

“People like it,” I mumble, trying to get my mind back on the conversation. “The cruder the drawings are, the more popular the games seem to be. How else can you explain why misshapen piglets being punted across the screen is so popular?”

“No idea but it’s definitely fun. Hell, I have it on my phone, too.”

“Well, I’ll send you the demo version of this new one once I’m done. It’s called Pig Punt in Space.”

We both laugh at that.

“The things we do for money.”

At my words, Luke’s laughter abruptly dies. I could hit myself for bringing it up. He has only told me a little bit about his absentee father but I know money is a sore subject for him.

“Sorry. I could have phrased that better.”

He shrugs. “You aren’t telling me anything I don’t already know.”

A few moments go by and since he doesn’t seem averse to talking about it, I decide to just ask. “Did you meet him yet? Your father?”

He shakes his head.

“Are you going to?”

His head swivels toward me. “Why are you asking me all these questions?”

Stung by the sharp tone of his voice, I turn back to my laptop. “Never mind. It’s none of my business.”

At that, Luke blows out a frustrated breath. “It’s not that. Of course you can ask me anything. I just don’t like talking about him.”

His phone rings and the look of relief on his face is almost comical.

“Excuse me for just a second. I have to take this.”

He answers and then walks a few feet away, leaving me sitting on the grass alone.

†

While Luke is occupied, I pull out my own cell phone and call Grace’s social worker, Amy. Ever since I got the idea of taking custody of Grace, I’ve worked toward that goal tirelessly. Amy has been a huge help and really seems to have Grace’s best interests at heart. My distrust of the system is so ingrained that it was hard for me to believe at first but she’s been helping me every step of the way.

She answers on the first ring.

“Hi Amy. I was calling to see if there’s any news.”

“Not yet, I’m afraid. These things take time. But I really don’t want you to get your hopes up. A judge is going to want to see evidence of regular employment to prove that you can handle supporting yourself and Grace.”

“But I told you, I have money.”

“I know, Sarah. But it’s not enough to just have money. The judge wants to see that you have a steady income. The nature of your work is unpredictable and you can never know for sure how much money you’ll earn each month. That doesn’t look good on paper.”

This is exactly what she warned me about last time but it’s no less frustrating to hear it again.

“You don’t understand how important this is. You’ve never been in foster care. I have. I really need this to go through.”

Her voice softens. “I’m sorry I can’t give you better news. I just want you to be prepared.”

Now I feel guilty. It’s not her fault that my petition for custody is likely to fail. If only I’d taken legit jobs earlier then I’d have a few years of documented income. But I didn’t realize why that would matter back then. I just thought that if I had more money, then I could help my sister. But it turns out that all the shady jobs I took are just one more mark against me if anyone finds out. Agent Walker’s words run through my mind again.

I can help you get something you want. And I think you can help me, too.

My heart clenches at the thought. The means to get everything I want lies in how quickly Luke trusts me. And how effective I am at stabbing him in the back.

My little sister’s future depends on whether I’m willing to betray the one person besides Grace that I actually care about.

“Thanks anyway, Amy. Sorry to keep bothering you.”

“You’re never bothering me, Sarah. I want what’s best for you and Grace.”

“I know. Thanks.”

After we hang up, I glance behind me. Luke is still on the phone, his back to me.

And his laptop is on the blanket next to me.

My heart speeds up. This is exactly what I’ve been waiting for. Luke guards his laptop carefully and never leaves it behind. But after spending all week with me, his guard is obviously down. He left it open right next to me. I reach into my tote bag and pull out the flash drive.

My eyes dart over to Luke as I lean closer to his computer. All I would have to do is insert this and open the file on it. Two seconds and I could be out of here. All my problems would be over. I could go home secure in the knowledge that my petition for custody of Grace would go through and all of my past indiscretions forgiven. But as my hand hovers over the machine, my fingers shake slightly and the flash drive lands in the grass.

Damn it.

 I lean over, running my hands over the soft blades, searching for it.  Once my fingers brush over the cool metal, I quickly stuff it back into my bag. Luke is still on the phone facing the other direction so it’s unlikely I’ll get caught but I tell myself it’s too risky. That it makes more sense to wait until I have a clear field. Like when he falls asleep or goes to the bathroom.

All the while I’m ignoring the part of me that knows the truth. I could do it now but I just don’t want to. I’m not ready for our time together to be over.

When I look up, Luke has turned so his profile is visible. A second earlier and he would have seen me leaning over his computer. My heart is still beating double time so I close my eyes and take several deep breaths. When I open my eyes again, Luke is walking back.

“Sorry about that. That was my brother, Tank. Apparently he forgot to remind me about their rehearsal dinner. Tonight.”

“Oh. Oops.”

“Yeah, exactly.” Luke’s lopsided smile makes me feel even more guilty. “So we have to leave. I’m sorry to rush you.”

“It’s no problem. You definitely don’t want to miss that.” I only brought my laptop so he’d bring his so I quickly close the lid and transfer it back into my tote bag.

“Definitely. Especially since I’m in the wedding and actually need to practice. I’m one of his groomsmen. Hey, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind if you came to the rehearsal dinner, too.”

Luke stows his laptop in his bag and hooks the strap over his shoulder. He glances over at me, a pleading look on his face. “It’ll be way less boring if you come with me.”

Even though he sounds annoyed by having to go, I think a rehearsal dinner with family and friends sounds nice. It would be so easy to go along, imagining that whole time that I really belong here with Luke and his circle of friends. In his life.

But I know the truth.

I don’t belong here. And once Luke discovers the real reason I’m staying with him, he won’t want anything to do with me. The longer I hang out with him, the more attached I’ll get. It’s better if I stay behind tonight and finally accomplish what I’m here for.

“Actually, I’m kind of tired. I think I’ll stay behind. Maybe get some work done.”

He looks disappointed but as usual, he’s understanding about it. Luke gets my weird moods in a way no one else ever has. It’s dangerous to spend this much time with him and it’s only going to make my mission harder. Because every day I’m with him, I wish that I didn’t have to go.

Back at his apartment, I sit on the couch with my laptop while Luke disappears into his room. Ten minutes later, he comes out dressed in a neat pair of khakis and a blue collared shirt with a dark blue blazer.

“Wow. You clean up well.”

He laughs softly but I can tell he’s pleased by the compliment. “I can’t embarrass my brother. He’s already in the doghouse since he forgot to remind me. Are you sure you’ll be okay here alone?”

“I’ll be fine. I’m used to being alone, Luke. It’s how I prefer to be.”

He nods and then stoops to press a kiss to my forehead. “Okay. I’ll be back in a few hours.”

Shocked into silence, I watch wordlessly as he leaves. The skin on my forehead is tingling, like the place where his lips touched is extra sensitive now. It takes me a few minutes to get my equilibrium back but once I do, I stand up and walk slowly down the hall to his room.

Ten minutes later, I’m forced to concede defeat. Despite how much fun we’ve had and that kiss, it’s obvious Luke still doesn’t trust me. His laptop isn’t in his room, the guest room, the bathroom or anywhere else I looked.

It’s gone.