Текст книги "Luke"

Автор книги: M. Malone

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Текущая страница: 6 (всего у книги 12 страниц)

chapter eight

†

SEVEN

Some people are weddings people. They love flowers and cake, puffy dresses and vows of forever. They cry at the idea of people pledging their troth and swoon at the exchange of rings. They’re in love with the idea of love.

I have never been one of those people.

But as I watch Tank standing at the end of the aisle flanked by his four brothers, I can’t remain unmoved by it all. He looks so excited, his eyes trained on the door where his bride will appear. Then the bridal march starts and he gets his first look at her walking down the aisle toward him. He looks like every dream he’s ever had just came true. Emma looks much the same, absolutely glowing with her love for him.

When she reaches him, Tank steps down from the altar to take her hands and then gives her a little kiss to the consternation of the minister. As he coughs in disapproval, a titter of laughter goes through the crowd.  They both look so unapologetic about it that even I want to sigh a little.

I can’t deny that it almost makes me a believer. Almost. But then I’ve always known that love is out there for the lucky few who can find it.

I’ve just never been that lucky.

My eyes immediately seek out Luke. My breath catches when I find that he’s been watching me.

Of course my imagination does the unthinkable and immediately produces an image of the two of us standing before a preacher glowing with love and excitement. Just as quickly, I shut that down.

I have no right to dream about forever with Luke when I’ve been plotting against him this whole time. The thought of it makes me feel ashamed so I don’t look at him again.

The rest of the ceremony proceeds smoothly and when the minister finally says You may kiss the bride, Tank wastes no time. The crowd is on their feet cheering when they finally break the passionate kiss and they’re both wiping tears away as they walk back down the aisle hand in hand. I wait patiently for the bridesmaids and groomsmen to file out before making my way through the crowd looking for Luke.

“Seven!”

When I see him waving at me, I dodge a few people to get across the room.

“Hey! We have to take a few more pictures and then we can relax a bit. There’s food out already and it’s open bar so hopefully you won’t be too bored waiting for me. I’m sorry—”

I put a finger over his lips to silence him. “Why do you keep apologizing?”

“You know why.” He lowers his voice and glances around him to make sure no one can hear us. “I practically assaulted you before we came here.”

Is that how he sees what happened? Our version of events definitely don’t match up because I thought it was the single hottest thing that’s ever happened to me.

“What are you talking about? Luke … I liked it. Really liked it.”

He moves closer. “You did?”

“Yeah.” It comes out as a rush of breath, sounding way more breathy and sexy than I intended.

“Good. So did I. I’m sure you could tell.” The corner of his mouth lifts. “Now I really don’t want to go. Anyway, my mom is here. I saw her come in right before the ceremony started. I apologize in advance if she asks you to marry me and have my babies before I get back.”

He looks so worried that I can’t help laughing. “We’ll be fine. If nothing else, I’ll get drunk and tell her sad stories of growing up without a mother. I’m sure that’ll cure her desire to have me in the family.”

“That won’t matter to her. And it doesn’t matter to me either.” He taps me on the nose softly and the affectionate gesture takes me off guard.

“Okay, see you later.”

I watch as he melts into the crowd and then move toward the bar. If I’m going to survive a night with Luke’s sudden intensity and questioning by a concerned mom, I’ll need a drink in me first.

I’m just taking a sip of a vodka tonic when Anita appears at my elbow and asks the bartender for a martini.

“There you are, honey! I got here a little late so I didn’t get to say hi to you before the ceremony started.”

“Oh hello again, Ms. Marshall. It was a beautiful wedding, wasn’t it?”

Usually it’s just something you say at weddings but this time, I mean it. Watching two people that genuinely excited to be together was beautiful.

“It really was. It’s been a real joy to get to know Tank and Emma. They’re very fond of Luke.”

There’s something wistful in the way she says it that makes me think. It has to be hard for her to be here surrounded by all her son’s half-brothers. All the evidence that a man she once loved couldn’t be faithful.

Suddenly I don’t want to tell her all the bad things about me hoping to scare her off.

“Luke is very fond of you. As long as we’ve been friends, that’s the one thing I’ve always known.”

“How long is that?” she asks curiously.

“Um, more than ten years now.”

She smiles in delight. “Is that right? Well, then I have to thank you for being such a good friend to him. All this time he’s told me that his online friendships are real and true. I couldn’t really understand it before but now that I’ve met you, I do. I understand exactly why my son has treasured his friendship with you for so long. You have a good heart, honey. I can tell.”

“You can?”

I desperately want to believe her. I’m constantly conflicted about the choices I should make and I never feel like any of them are the right ones. I want to believe that she can see something in me that I can’t in myself.

She pats my hand. “Yes. Now let me tell you about what a good husband my son would make.”

Her switch into matchmaker mode comes so quickly and so smoothly that I have to acknowledge it with a little bow.  “Luke warned me that you’d be measuring me for a wedding dress.”

She chuckles. “You can’t blame a mother for trying. Now tell me about yourself. What do you do? Is it the same thing Luke does or something else I won’t really be able to understand?”

Laughing, I pull out my phone. “I’m in cyber security but I also design video games. Let me show you one of my bestsellers. This is called Pig Punt.”

By the time Luke finds us a half hour later, Anita has downloaded the game on her own phone, is on level five and we’ve officially become friends. He looks over his mom’s shoulder and his brow crinkles in disbelief when he sees what she’s doing.

“Mom, are you playing a game? I didn’t know you even knew how to download games on your phone.”

Anita lets out a whoop. “Level Six baby! I didn’t know how. Seven showed me. Luke, why didn’t you tell me these games were so much fun? I kicked that little piggy right over the barn!”

Luke turns to me. “Who is this woman you’re trying to pass off as my mother?”

Anita gives him a smug smile. “You don’t know all my secrets yet, young man. Remember that, Seven. You have to keep them guessing.”

I laugh at the befuddled look on Luke’s face. “Yes, ma’am. I’ll remember that.”

“Okay, I have no idea what just happened but I’ve been waiting for this all night. Dance with me.” He holds out his hand.

I glance over at Anita, hesitant to leave her alone. She shakes her head and waves us off. “Go. Go! Dance while you’re young and can do all those crazy moves.”

Laughing, I accept Luke’s hand. “I don’t know any crazy moves but I’ll just fake it ’til I make it, I guess.”

He pulls me closer until I fit right in the cradle of his arms. Then he bends his head until his lips are at my ear. “There won’t be any faking between us. Believe that.”

I bury my face against his shoulder, ignoring his chuckles. He seems to enjoy making me blush. The song is a fast number but we’re slow dancing for some reason. Luke doesn’t seem to care though and neither do I. Finally the music changes to a slow song and his arm slips lower on my back, holding me against him.

“Tell me something about you. Something I don’t know,” he murmurs in my ear.

This is a hard one. We’ve talked about so many things over the years. He knew I was in foster care and that I have a younger sister. I’ve told him about my social anxiety and how hard it is to make friends.

“I want to, I just don’t know where to start.”

He tilts his head. “What about your name? You use the number seven in your alias too so I assume it must have a special significance.”

My hand clenches against his shoulder. Of all the things he would ask me, this is the one question I should have expected. But thinking about it always takes me off guard.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s not that. I’m just trying to figure out how to explain it.”

I watch the other dancers swirling around us. We’re surrounded by happy couples. This would usually make me feel my solitude even more acutely but for the first time, I feel like I’m one of them.

Being with Luke makes me feel like I belong.

“I was seven years old when my mother decided she couldn’t take care of us anymore. Grace was only a few months old. She told me we were going out for ice cream.”

Luke rests his head on top of mine. Even without seeing his eyes, I can feel his horror in the way his arm tightens around me.

“I didn’t know you were so young when it happened,” he says finally.

“All I remember of her is that she had dark hair like mine and she always smelled like apples. Even though I can’t see her face anymore, I remember clinging to her while she was trying to leave. I just kept saying I’ll be good. I’ll be a good girl, I promise.” My voice breaks and suddenly his other arm is around me too and he’s hugging me right there on the dance floor.

“It was nothing you did, baby. I hope you know that.”

Tucking my head, I wipe beneath my eyes, hoping no one has noticed that I’m crying in the middle of the dance floor.

“I do know that. It took a while but … yeah.”

After a few moments of swaying silently, I clear my throat. “Anyway, for months after that everyone I met would ask me two questions. What’s your name? And how old are you? It became an automatic thing to answer I’m Sarah. I’m seven. Over and over. Even at that young age I knew that all those people weren’t really interested in me. They were just doing their jobs. To them I was just a number.”

I pull back and look up at him. His eyes are shiny with unshed tears as he smiles gently down at me.

“That’s why it’s your personal number, isn’t it? Because that’s how old you were when your life changed.”

“No, it’s how old I was when I learned that I was on my own.”

A tear slides down his cheek. Moved, I reach up to wipe it away. Then right there in front of everyone, he kisses me again.

Unlike before, it’s not a frenzied rush of emotion with searching hands and tongues but a gentle kiss. A sweet kiss. Nothing he could have done would have made me feel more cherished.

And it completely freaks me out.

“Excuse me, I need to … I need to use the bathroom.”

I can feel Luke’s eyes on me as I push through the crowd looking for an exit. Any exit will do even if it leads to the parking lot. I just can’t stay in this room with Luke, his adorable mom and the promise of happiness any longer.

†

In a stroke of luck, the first door I find actually does lead to a bathroom. There’s only one person in there so I’m able to close myself into a stall until I catch my breath.

Even though I’ve had a crush on him for years, falling in love wasn’t part of my plan. Love is one of those things reserved for the lucky few, a privileged class I could only observe from a distance. This isn’t my life. Things like this don’t happen to me. I don’t belong here in his perfect, ordered world.

But it’s starting to feel like I could and that scares the hell out of me. I can visualize it completely and the wanting hurts more than anything else.

Wanting something I’ll never have is unbearable.

I pull out my phone and then tap my code to unlock it. I have a text message from Grace. I check the time before calling her back. Her foster parents are used to her gabbing in her room at night to friends so I try to only call her then. Not that the Barnetts aren’t nice but I don’t want to give them any reason to try to keep us apart. I figure the less they know about how much contact we have, the better.

Once I hear the bathroom door close and I know I’m alone, I call. Grace answers on the second ring but I can barely hear her over the loud music she’s playing.

“Are you blasting your stereo again? Didn’t you get in trouble for that last week?”

The volume of the music lowers slightly. “Whatever. I’m already in trouble anyway. Again.”

My heart sinks. “What did you do now?”

There’s an indignant huff on the other end of the line. “I may have gotten in trouble at school for kneeing a dude. In the junk.”

“Ouch. But I’m sure you wouldn’t have done that without a reason. Did this boy put his hands on you?”

This is why I’m so determined to get Grace out of the system. To those people you’re nothing but a number and few people care enough to advocate for you.

I didn’t have anyone to stand for me but I’m determined to be that for Grace.

“Calm down, momma bear. He just popped my bra strap.” She sounds so disgusted that I can actually picture her rolling her eyes.

“Boys still do that? Seriously?” Now that I’m not worried about her being in actual harm’s way, it’s easy to see the absurdity of it.

“This one won’t be doing it again,” she drawls smugly.

“Yeah, I bet. So why did you get in trouble when he did something to you first?”

“Something about not retaliating with violence, blah, blah. I wasn’t really listening to that part.”

“Grace. I’m doing everything I can to get you out of there but you have to behave.”

“I’m behaving. Everyone around me is the problem. So where are you? I called you a bunch of times.”

There’s a loud crunching sound like she’s eating junk food while she’s talking to me. It gives me such a great mental image of her, curled up on her bed snacking while she’s supposed to be grounded. Enjoying herself even when she’s technically in trouble. That’s typical Grace. My little rebel.

“Oh, I’m … not in New York.”

“Where are you then? You never go anywhere.”

I’ve told her about Luke before and she knows that I’ve been crushing on him for years. If I tell her where I am, she’ll know why I’m here. I sigh.

“I’m in Virginia. Visiting Luke.”

“What? You finally got up the nerve to do it? Oh my god this is so exciting! What is he like? Does he like you? Have you kissed him yet?”

Her excitement is contagious and before long I’m giggling like a teenage girl, too. My sister is the only person that brings out this side of me. Other than Luke, that is. I’ve been doing my fair share of giggling around him this past week.

“Slow down. I’m here working with him on a project.”

Grace makes a snorting sound. “Project? Sounds boring. You’ve been talking about this guy for so long I was pretty sure he was your imaginary friend. Now you’re there visiting? Come on Seven, I’m not a baby. I know why you’re really there.”

Even though she can’t see me, I can feel the heat climbing to my face. “We are working on a project, I’ll have you know. He asked me to help him start a technology program for underprivileged kids.”

“Hmm. Well if you’re just working together that must mean he’s not attractive in real life. Bummer.” My pause seems to give her the answer she’s looking for. “Hah, I knew it. He’s hot, isn’t he?”

“He’s very good-looking,” I admit.

“Is he now? Cute for a geeky guy or like really sexy? Because there’s a difference.”

“He’s gorgeous.” I give up trying to play it cool. “Everything I ever imagined and more.”

Grace squeals on the other end of the phone. “Are you at his house? Why are you calling me? You should be doing sexy stuff right now. Then you can tell me all about it!”

“I won’t be telling you anything about that,” I splutter. Grace has always been the bold one and loves mortifying me by asking inappropriate questions. It’s hard to believe she’s seven years younger than I am.

“You’re my big sister. Who else am I going to ask?”

“That’s true. I’d rather you ask me than your friends who will definitely give you bad advice.”

“This is your chance to find out if the online connection can be more than that. Don’t waste it!”

“I’m not wasting anything. I’m just worried about you.”

“Worry about the hottie hacker instead of me. Figure out a way to infiltrate his systems or whatever you nerds call it.”

“Brat.”

“I’m serious, Seven. You always worry about me. Well, now I’m worried about you. You have a chance to hang out with a cool guy who totally gets you and you’re on the phone with me instead. What’s wrong with this picture?”

I lean against the door of the stall, suddenly really depressed. “When did you get so wise? Aren’t you supposed to be a moody teenager who wears too much eye makeup and listens to boy bands?”

“Stop trying to change the subject. I’m serious here. You always take care of me but who takes care of you? Maybe this Luke guy would if you’d let him.”

“I don’t know … He seems to like me too, but you know I’m not good at this kind of thing. Maybe I’m reading it all wrong. He probably has some supermodel girlfriend that I just haven’t run into yet.”

Grace is quiet. Even though I’ve never said it directly, she knows how self-conscious I am about the scar on my face even though she doesn’t know how I got it. That isn’t something I talk about.

“Well, I’ll tell you what. Step one is to stop talking to me and go jump his bones.”

“Grace! I’m pretty sure jumping someone isn’t step one.” But she’s accomplished what she meant to. I’m no longer feeling sad and pitiful.

“If it isn’t step one, it should be. Life is short.”

“Oh the wisdom of fifteen. How I miss it. Go do some homework or contemplate who’s hotter, Harry or Nevin.”

“Wow, Sev. Not that I’m into pop music but at least I can get their names right.”

We’re both still laughing when we hang up.

†

After I splash my face with water, I venture back out onto the dance floor. Now that I’ve calmed down a little, I’m embarrassed by the way I ran out. I just ditched Luke and left him with no explanation. He probably thinks I’m crazy.

Anita isn’t standing by the bar anymore and I don’t see anyone else I recognize. My usual insecurity comes back and I suddenly feel really exposed standing in the middle of the floor by myself. Just when I’m about to turn around and go back to hiding out in the bathroom, I bump into someone.

“Seven?”

I turn at the sound of my name. It’s one of the bridesmaids, a gorgeous girl with brown skin and long curly hair.

“You’re Luke’s girlfriend, right?” Before I have a chance to confirm or deny, she has me by the hand. I follow dumbly as she leads me into the center of a group of chattering women.

“Look who I found girls. It’s Luke’s girlfriend. This is Seven everybody!”

Oh god. Just kill me now. This is exactly like a recurring nightmare I have, being pulled into a big group of people and then having everyone stare at me.

“Hi!”

“Oh it’s nice to meet you!”

I can barely keep up with everyone’s name and I’m hugged more times than I can keep track of. Eventually I end up at a table where the other bridesmaids are sitting and someone pushes a glass of champagne into my hand.

“Hi, I’m Josie. I’m Zack’s girlfriend. Sasha is the one who dragged you over here. She’s engaged to Gabe. And that’s Finn’s wife, Rissa.” She points at a redhead who is talking to Emma.

“My head is spinning.”

Josie laughs. “I know the feeling. Trust me, you’ll get used to it.”

Rissa takes a seat next to me and before I know it, I’m pulled into their conversation about the honeymoon. Rissa gets up to check something and Emma moves closer to me.

“We’re all so thrilled to meet you. Luke is so brilliant and kind of mysterious in a way. None of us even knew he had a girlfriend.”

Sasha brings her another glass of champagne. Emma takes it with a tight smile. Beneath the table, her hand goes to her stomach.

She’s pregnant. And no one else knows.

When everyone else is occupied, I switch my empty glass with Emma’s full one. Her eyes lift to mine.

“It’s okay. I can keep a secret.”

She lets out a breath. “Did I mention how glad I am that Luke brought you?”

“You don’t have to say that to get me to stick around. I’m just here for the free champagne.”

She smiles gratefully. “Thank you.”

Over the next hour, I’m pulled into a variety of conversations. Emma tells me more about the honeymoon she and Tank are taking to St. Thomas. Sasha invites me to her next performance at a jazz lounge in Virginia Beach and Josie shows me pictures on her cell phone from her last art gallery showing.

The entire time I’m amazed by how friendly they all are. They don’t even know me and they’ve taken me in as one of their own. It’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me but also makes me feel worse than ever.

It makes me wish that this was all real.

“Why are you all being so nice to me? You don’t even know me,” I finally ask.

“You’re Luke’s girlfriend. Why wouldn’t we be nice to you? The guys spend so much time together that we end up spending time together too. We’re all going to be sisters-in-law eventually.” Emma squeezes my hand.

“That’s just it. I’m not really his girlfriend. We’re … friends.”

Sasha winks. “Well, we may not know you yet but we know Luke. And we’ve never seen him like this.”

Her eyes shift over my shoulder and I turn around. Luke is on the other side of the room talking to his brothers. Even though they’re all standing in a circle, there’s a distance between them, as if he’s separate somehow. Now that I know him better, I can tell that he’s a little uncomfortable.

He laughs and then his eyes meet mine and his expression changes. He bites his lip and I can read what he’s thinking from across the room. That he wants to bite me instead.

Wowza.

I feel my face flush as the other girls giggle behind me. When I turn around, Sasha gives me a pointed look.

“Friends, huh?”

“We are,” I insist, although I’m sure the blush in my cheeks is undermining my authority in this case.

“Look at how he’s looking at you. Girl, he looks like he could just eat you up. Maybe you should let him.” She hums suggestively and then grabs another champagne flute off the tray of a passing waiter.

“Here, you look like you could use a little liquid courage.”

I accept the glass but only so she won’t give it to someone else. Namely, Emma. Champagne isn’t my favorite thing but this stuff tastes way better than the cheap bottle I got myself for New Year’s.

Hesitantly, I take a sip. Usually I don’t drink much so I’ve been trying to pace myself. It’s refreshing and a little tingly in my mouth. Maybe I do like champagne after all.

“Drink up,” Sasha urges. “Maybe enough of that can take you and Luke from friends to lovers.”

“You’re so bad. Ignore her,” Josie tells me.

Sasha preens, clearly taking it as a compliment.

“Hey, I’m only trying to help Luke out! We want you to stick around.” Sasha clinks her glass against mine.

In the middle of that giggling group of women, I have never felt more welcome.

Or like more of a fraud.