Текст книги "Sometimes Moments"

Автор книги: Len Webster

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Текущая страница: 15 (всего у книги 20 страниц)

Peyton watched Graham nod and adjust the rearview mirror so that his reflection met her eyes.

“You ‘right there, Peyton?”

She nodded. “Yes.”

Lie.

The only thing she could feel was Callum’s hand in hers.

“Okay,” he replied, no doubt seeing through her lie, and started up the car.

Peyton didn’t look back as the car reversed away from the burning hotel and towards her house.

I am helpless.

I am hopeless.

I am a failure.

I have nothing,

I am fading.

I am dying.

Peyton shivered at the cold air that touched her skin. She hugged the blanket tighter and reached out for Callum’s warm body. When she felt the cool mattress, Peyton sat up and rubbed her eyes, searching the room for him. She noticed the door open and his muffled voice trailing in from the lounge. Pulling the blanket aside, she swung her legs over the bed and stood up. Then she made her way out of her room and walked down the hall, but she stopped when she heard him speak.

“What do I do now, Oliver? How do I do this to her?”

The worried tone in Callum’s voice had Peyton pressing her hand on the wall to keep herself on her feet.

“I don’t want to say goodbye. I don’t want to leave her. It was hard the first time, but now… How do I do it now?”

Breathing failed her as her heart burned within her chest. He was discussing their ending. Hearing that he didn’t want to say goodbye broke her heart. She found the concept as difficult as he did.

“I love her, Oliver. I can’t do it to her. I can’t tell her the truth—not after tonight. I can’t do it,” Callum cried.

Peyton closed her eyes and let the tears roll down her face, hitting the nightdress she was wearing. She counted each slow beat of her heart. Time was catching up to them. Time would separate them. Time would end them.

But the truth was that Peyton didn’t want to hear the truth. Not when it meant that the ending had reached them. She didn’t want it. For, as long as she could prolong the truth, she’d still have him. So she’d stopped asking for the truth. She hadn’t asked why.

“I shouldn’t have come back. I should have just let her be here and hate me. Right now, I hate me. I want her to hate me. It would be easier. Her life would be easier. She’s lost everything because of me. I should have stayed in the city. I should have never suggested Daylesford for your wedding. I should have just let her live her life.”

Peyton pushed off the wall and walked into the lounge. The moment her eyes landed on him, she saw Callum holding the phone in one hand and the other covered his face.

“Stop saying I should hate you, because I don’t. Not in the slightest,” she said.

Callum moved his hand from his face and looked up at her. The defeated expression on his face made her heart ache. Dropping to her knees in front of him, her hands rest on his thigh. Then he leant forward, allowing his forehead to touch hers.

“I need you to hate me, Peyton,” he begged.

She shook her head, their foreheads not breaking contact. “I can’t give you that.”

He squeezed his eyelids tight and said, “I know, Oliver. This is why I have to leave. I—”

Reaching up, Peyton took the phone out of his hand and held it to her ear. “Oliver, Callum will call you back in the morning. We need to talk about the fire and your wedding,” she said.

“Wait, Peyton.” Oliver stopped her from hanging up. “Why can’t you hate him?”

Callum sat straight and pulled away from her, as if he knew what Oliver had asked. He seemed afraid of what she would say next as a forgiving plea swept his face.

Peyton stared in his lost and conflicted eyes before she answered, “Because I want to feel loved by Callum Reid, even if it’s only for a little while. I want his love more than I want to live another day. I want to be with him for as long as I can, because for the last four and half years, I’ve been deprived of his love and his touch. I can’t hate him because he’s the love of my life.”

Oliver sighed. “He’s never stopped loving you, even when he moved to the city. You were the girl whose picture was by his bedside table. Whatever happens, just know he loves you and has always put you first.”

Peyton hung up the phone and placed it on the couch. Then she peered up through her lashes to see Callum staring down at her. He looked tormented, like he was in his own version of hell. When Peyton stood up, she held out her hand to him. Callum rubbed his palms over his face then let out a groan.

She stepped forward, rested her hands on the back of his head, and brought him to her stomach. She hoped that this one embrace could show him that she’d be okay. That she would rather see him free than stay here in Daylesford. His arms were around the back of her legs, holding her tight.

“I shouldn’t have left you, Peyton,” Callum said and gazed up at her. “I’m so sorry. If I could go back, I would. I’d change it all. I wouldn’t have left you here on your own.”

Peyton moved her hands from the back of his head to his cheeks. “Don’t do that to yourself, Callum.”

“God, why can’t you hate me?” he exclaimed, frustrated.

“Because I’ve spent years trying to. I’m tired of holding you accountable, when the reality is that I didn’t fight for you to stay. I didn’t do enough to convince you that what we had was worth you staying,” she said, brushing his skin with her thumbs.

“You were worth staying for. You will always be worth staying for. I was just a coward. I couldn’t let you be held back by me. I had your happiness in mind when I left,” he explained, untangling his arms and standing up.

Callum cradled her face in his hands before he brought his mouth as close to hers without touching. Placing her hands on his waist as she held him to her.

“Leaving you, Peyton... I was like the after events of a revolution. I was liberated, but I was lost. I had no direction in my life. But when I came back, my sad and lonely life made sense. Life is better with you in it, Peyton. It always has been,” he revealed before his lips lightly touched hers.

“Thank you for letting me have sometimes instead of never,” she said softly.

His lips brushed hers again, this time harder, more desperate. Open kisses that slowly tore away the loneliness of her heart and replaced it with need and desire. Her fingers dug into the side of him as his tongue found hers, moving and sucking, and she found it impossible to breathe.

Callum’s lips moved back and he pressed his forehead to hers, panting. “Peyton, you’re trying to mask the pain of losing the hotel with sex.”

She shook her head. “I’m not in as much pain as you think I am, Callum.”

“Pey—”

“No,” she interrupted. “I know what it’s like to lose it all. It hurt to see it burn down, but it is nothing compared to the feeling of losing my parents. And it comes nowhere close to losing you. That broke the person I was.”

“I don’t think it’s hit you yet. And I’m okay with you blaming me, Peyton.”

Her heart squeezed. She couldn’t and wouldn’t blame Callum for the fire. He had been in her bed when it’d happened. If she were going to blame anyone, it would be Jay. He had stood back. He’d influenced the firefighters. He’d let it burn to ash.

“I don’t want sex from you, Callum.”

His breathing hitched. And she pushed her body into his.

“I want you to make love to me. I need you to make me feel better. I need this sometimes moment with you.”

“Couch?” he asked before his lips crashed into hers, making her both her stomach and heart dip.

She answered each of his kisses with her own desperate ones, the need in her growing. She needed the pleasure he drew out of her. She needed the explosions and the momentary period of forgetfulness. She needed him and his heartbeat on her skin.

His lips moved from hers and trailed slowly from her jaw to her neck. She let out a soft moan, unable to suppress it.

“Bed,” she let out. Her heart beat hard against her chest as she cupped his face, making sure his eyes were on hers when she said, “Make love to me in my bed. No teasing or games. Just make love to me.”

“I love you so much,” he said with a hint of hesitation.

Then his hands were at her waist as he picked her up, her legs wrapping around him. His hands went to the back of her thighs, holding her securely. She panted at the intensity in his eyes.

“God gave me you and I gave you up. He gave me a small window to make this time count. I’m going to make sure that I don’t waste my time with you. Until we can’t take it anymore, I’ll keep making love to you,” he promised.

She warmed all over as her heart throbbed at his words. She blinked once before her mouth founds his, needing to feel him on her and in her. Needing every little bit of him.

Lie. God gave me you to love you twice as hard as last time, if not more.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Callum asked just before they walked down the small hill to the lake.

Peyton stopped, her hand shaking. Callum was right. Last night, it hadn’t sunk in. The hotel had caught fire. She didn’t know if anything remained. The firefighters on the scene had done nothing until Callum and Graham had stepped in. It was then that Peyton had understood how much power Jay held in their town—the same power that could have minimised the extent of the damage.

“You look tired,” she pointed out. The exhausted look on his face confirmed it.

Callum shook his head and took her hand in his. “I’m okay. Just got a little dizzy,” he said as they walked around the lake towards the hotel.

She refused to look at the sky for the hotel building. Instead, she watched each step they took. Carefully examining the way their steps had been in sync. Then suddenly, Callum pulled on her hand and stopped her. She felt him tense, gripping her hand harder. Peyton closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she slowly opened them. Then her breath caught in her throat as she took in what little of her hotel was left. The large Victorian building had completely burned to the ground. The fire made it possible for her to see right through where the hotel had once stood. It seemed that the fire hadn’t spread; the dance floor and posts outside the hotel had remained unharmed.

Just seeing the dance floor had her sighing in relief. Nothing else was damaged. The firefighters had contained it. It looked nothing like the large hotel that once had stood where burned wood, furniture, and ash lay. The smoke was still in the air, enough to make the situation feel so real.

“Peyton,” Jenny said.

Turning her head, she saw the hotel’s operations manager walk towards her, a phone in one hand and an iPad in the other. It was just after eight a.m. and Jenny was already working.

“How’d you sleep?” Jenny asked the moment she stood next to Peyton.

“Fine, considering,” she answered.

“The reporters will be here soon. I have Darryl coming in. He’ll make sure they don’t harass you. I’ll handle the media.”

Peyton turned and smiled at her co-worker. “I’m glad you married a constable.”

Jenny rolled her eyes. “He’s glad he married me is more like it. Don’t worry. I have the insurance paperwork going. I have a list of guests I’ll call soon, too. I’m so sorry this happened, Peyton. The County Authority will be here soon to investigate the cause of the fire.”

Although she wanted to know the cause, Peyton didn’t answer. Instead, she looked at where her hotel had once been located. It looked like the remains of a bushfire that had rolled into town. There was nothing else to do but rebuild. It would take months, but she’d see it through. She had grown up within the walls of the hotel and she wanted to rebuild it and make it her own. No town to hold her back. The community had turned their back on her. Last night had made it obvious.

After letting go of Callum’s hand, she walked up to the sign that had previously been bolted above the hotel’s entrance. The ‘Dayle’ had burned, and all that remain was ‘Spenc.’ Crouching in front of the sign, she wiped away the ash and debris from her surname. One of her fondest memories was when they had hung the sign her mother had spent months creating above the hotel’s main entry. Her mother and father had stood back a few metres from the door and smiled at the sign that signalled their hotel.

Peyton wiped the tear that ran down her cheek. Rebuilding the hotel was more than just for her. She wanted to do it for her parents. She wanted to take a step back and watch a brand-new sign being bolted up on the new hotel.

Upon turning around, she was met with a tired and concerned Callum Reid. She gave him a small smile. “Do you think you could talk to Oliver and Marissa? If I talk to some of the businesses I’ve previously worked with in Creswick, we can have the guests stay there. The dance floors are almost complete, and I could get Nigel to build anything else we need for the wedding. I know it’s not what they would have liked, but if they want to go elsewhere, I’m more than happy to refund them the entire wedding out of my own pocket.”

Callum dug out his phone from his pocket and said, “They don’t care about the money, Peyton. Believe it or not, Marissa is very much in love with Oliver. She just wants to marry him. I’ll call now.” He turned and walked down the path away from her and Jenny.

She watched him talk on the phone, aware that, somewhere down the line, she’d blink once and he’d be gone. That was all it would take.

“I saw the fear in his eyes last night, Peyton. He was scared for you,” Jenny said.

Peyton spun and looked at her before she gave Jenny a tight smile. If anything, she was scared for him. He had punched Jay last night, and that was something she couldn’t forget. Callum had never been a violent person. But she understood why. With a sigh, she looked up at the clearing sky to see specks of blue through the lingering smoke. It amazed her how pure and beautiful the world was once it had taken something away from you. It played innocent. Acting oblivious to the mess it had made.

“I need to be somewhere,” Peyton said, shifting her attention to Callum.

“Are you okay?” Concern laced Jenny’s voice.

She didn’t take her eyes off Callum as she said, “I just need to be alone for a minute. Do you mind keeping him busy? I won’t be long.”

From the corner of her eye, she could see Jenny nod.

“Thanks, Jenny. I have my phone,” Peyton said before she walked towards the back of the hotel, taking the longer way to town.

The guilt added further pressure to her chest. Peyton hadn’t stepped foot here in a long time. She passed the office and kept walking. When she reached the graves under the large oak tree, she sat on the grass.

As soon as she noticed the cherry blossoms on each of their headstones, she smiled. She didn’t have to guess. Callum had visited her parents’ graves while he had been in town. It touched her heart. He wasn’t the cold, guarded person that he was trying to be. Deep down, he was the Callum she loved. Fears and insecurities hindered his freedom.

“I’m sorry that I haven’t visited in a while. It doesn’t get any easier as the days go by. You probably know that Callum’s back. I fought him off for a while until I realised there was no point fighting or denying my heart. You were right, Mum. Forgive and forget. And you were right, Dad. He came back. I wish you were both here to give me that ‘I told you so’ brag.” She laughed at herself as she wiped her face with the back of her hand.

“You also probably know that last night the hotel burned down.” She paused, her heart now twisted. “I’m so sorry, Mum and Dad. I didn’t mean for this. I didn’t mean for the one thing you both worked so hard for to burn to the ground. I didn’t mean to be a terrible owner. I was going through all this blind. Somehow, I made the choice between the hotel and Callum even before it burned down. And I chose Callum. I’m not sorry for that. I’m just sorry that I let you both down. You’re probably up there disappointed in me for not saving the hotel. I tried. But every time I think I’m on the right track, something goes wrong or I just make a mess. I’m a burden and a liability to the hotel and to this town.”

She ran her hands through her hair and shut her eyelids tightly. “I miss you both. I wish you were here so I could make mistakes and you could teach me how to do it right. I didn’t get a goodbye. I don’t get one more ‘We love you, Peyton.’ I don’t get anything else in life with you. And that’s what makes me hate the hotel and this town. They’re all constant reminders. But now… Now, the hotel’s gone. And soon enough, Callum will be gone, too. I’ve never hated life more than right now. But I’m going to try. I’m going to build our hotel my way, and whether or not I have this town’s support means nothing. I’m doing this for me and for you both. I’m a Spencer, and I’ll be damned if I let a fire take away what we’ve done for this town. I will make this a bright light in a town with so much disbelief. It’ll be like a beacon in the fog,” she promised—not only to her parents, but also to herself.

Minutes turned into two hours as she sat at their graves. She didn’t say anything more. She had neglected to visit because it had been too hard. She had hid in her loneliness, afraid of the world. Peyton reminisced on the good times and what loving parents she’d had. She had been blessed to have them, and even though she hadn’t been able to keep them, she had the memories. She still had the house. That house with the cherry blossom tree in the backyard would always be her home.

Suddenly, she heard the footsteps but didn’t bother turning as someone sat next to her. She didn’t have to know who it was that had followed her to the cemetery. Peyton took his hands and threaded her fingers with his.

This is also home.

“I thought you’d be here,” Callum said.

Peyton shifted her gaze to him and smiled. “Thank you for visiting them,” she said, acknowledging the cherry blossoms.

He let go of her hand and uttered, “It’s been four years. Long overdue,” before he wrapped his arm around her, holding Peyton tight.

She let her head rest on his shoulder. “You’re here now. That’s all that matters.”

They sat quietly with her long-gone loved ones. She had never felt more loved by him than she did in that moment. A moment she thought she’d never have—Callum by her side at her parents’ grave. She memorised the way he breathed, how long he inhaled, and the space of each heartbeat hers made when in his arms. It was about collecting the memories she’d reflect on. The sometimes moments she would appreciate and love later in life.

“I have something for you,” Callum said, breaking their silence.

Peyton straightened her back and turned to face him. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a piece of folded paper. Then he stared at it for a long second before he handed it to her.

Her eyes looked back and forth between Callum and paper, unsure of what it contained. When she unfolded it, her eyes watered at the sight.

“I made it last night while you slept, so it isn’t to scale or anything. I know it’s rough, but it’s just an idea. We’ll work on it,” he said.

Peyton took in the black-ink drawing of a Victorian-inspired building. She looked at the sketched path that led to the entry, and on either side were small drawings of a flower she recognised.

She looked up and asked, “Lavender?”

He nodded with a smile. “Graham’s always supported you, and I think it would be beautiful against the cream stones of the building.”

Then, as Peyton stared back at the sketch, her heart stopped at the sight of the door and what was above it. “The Spencer?” she breathed out, her eyes filling with tears.

“It’s time you started new, Peyton. This rebuild is about you, not the town. This town doesn’t deserve to have their name even close to yours or the hotel,” he explained.

The Spencer.

She let those two words replay through her mind. In that moment, life made sense and hope returned to her. She dropped the paper in her lap and grabbed his face.

“I love you,” she said with as much honesty and purity as she could voice out loud. Tears rolled down her face, but she didn’t care. “I love you,” she said once more before she kissed him fully on the mouth.

She had all but forgiven him. He had given her a path in life to take and she would. He had given her a form of freedom to be her own. He had given her the chance to be who she was instead of what the town believed her to be.

“I forgive you,” she said against his lips.

Callum stilled instantly and pulled back. “What?” he said breathlessly. His eyes were wide in disbelief.

“Callum Reid, you have your redemption,” she confirmed.

His eyes glazed over in unshed tears and his hands wrapped around her wrists. “Thank you,” he breathed. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

For the first time in a long time, she gave him the most honest and truthful smile she could make. Her mouth inched closer to his, ready to be lost in the pleasures of his lips, but her phone vibrated in her pocket, interrupting them. That’s when she let out a groan, pulled it out, and looked at the screen. She quickly swiped across to answer the call.

“June, this is a surprise!” Peyton’s voice hitched higher and she moved back from Callum.

“Peyton, I saw the news. Your hotel,” June said unbelievably.

“Jenny was going to call you later. I’m sorry to have to cancel your spring booking,” Peyton said, devastated not to have June at her hotel working on another album.

“Oh, I’ll still be coming in spring. I’ll just stay at your place. You, Peyton Spencer, are a great person to run songs with. Do you need me to come help out?”

Peyton heard someone play a song she had never heard and she knew June was in the recording studio. That’s when the idea hit her.

“Callum, does Marissa like June Sinclair?” she asked.

His mouth dropped. “Marissa loves June. Is that who you’re talking to?”

Peyton nodded her head. “June, I have a wedding next Saturday. Do you mind performing? We’ll discuss an appearance fee and everything.”

June laughed lightly. “We’re friends, Peyton. I’ll only do it for free. The band and I will be up Saturday morning. See you then!”

“See you then, June.” Peyton hung up with a large grin on her face.

When she looked down at Callum’s rough design, her heart twitched at the sight of The Spencer he had drawn her.

I will make his plan a reality.