Текст книги "Sometimes Moments"

Автор книги: Len Webster

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Текущая страница: 12 (всего у книги 20 страниц)

“Peyton,” he whispered in her ear.

With her eyes still closed, she smiled. “Yes,” she breathed.

He placed a kiss on her neck, and she leant back on his chest, letting his arms circle around her waist.

“Look up at the cherry blossoms.”

Opening her eyes, she peeked up to see the light shining through. Beautiful and glorious. It reflected off the pink flowers, making them almost clear.

Her smile grew larger as she softly said, “Beautiful.”

“I know,” Callum said.

Peyton turned her head to see him staring at her.

“But they’re nothing compared to you. Nothing will ever be as beautiful as you.”

She twisted her body so that she was on her side then cuddled up next to him. The ridiculous smile on her face didn’t go away and she kissed his jaw. It never felt real when he complimented her. It was new. But she was in love with the way he saw her and spoke of her. Since being released from hospital, she had spent her days in bed recovering. Today was an exception. The moment Callum had shown up at her window, she’d handed him a blanket and had him help her out of her room. Then he laid out the blanket and they sat under their tree.

“This is my favourite spot in the world,” he said, holding her tighter.

Peyton glanced up at the flowers one more time before she said, “I told you it was just a kiss.”

“It wasn’t. I knew it even before you asked. I’ve known it would be more with you the moment I held your hand when we were thirteen. It took four years, but I’m finally yours. I love this tree. Each time I think of it, I think of what it felt like kissing you for the first time.”

He didn’t let her reply to him. He made her speechless. It also didn’t help that he pressed his lips on hers, kissing her the way he had claimed her heart.

Falling in love with Callum was as simple as falling in love with breathing:

One of the most unknowing, willing, natural and completely necessary tasks one does.

Peyton stopped at her door and stared at the stained-glass panels. She wasn’t sure if she should invite Callum in or not. She wanted time with him to discover if the old him was still inside. Just wrapped in him somewhere. One last time before fate caught up with them.

“I’ll let you go, Peyton. I have to finish up work on the designs,” Callum said behind her.

She felt both disappointed and relieved. Pulling out her house keys, she turned around and then smiled at him. In this moment, he didn’t seem so guarded. Instead, he looked comfortable. It filled her with hope. There was a chance that he would open up to her. In time.

“Do you mind stopping by the hotel tomorrow? We can go over it before the tradies come back on Monday.”

He nodded. “Sounds good to me. I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight, Peyton.”

“Goodnight, Callum,” she said, turning back to her front door. Then she placed the key into the lock as she heard his footsteps trail down the stairs. With a small sigh, she twisted the key and opened the door.

She wanted to turn around and watch him walk across the road. She wanted to know if he looked over his shoulder just before he walked into his house. But she didn’t. She wanted her heart to miss him more, to make all the pain somehow worth it in the end.

Peyton stepped into the quiet house and dropped her bag on the wooden floor, not caring to put it away. The only work she had to concentrate on was the plan for the cabins. Renovating them would be costly, but replacing the windows with floor-to-ceiling size ones would be a great selling point for guests. It would be like the lake and forest were an extension of the cabins.

She closed the door behind her and went into the kitchen. Since her aunt and uncle had moved to enjoy their retirement on the peninsula, the house had become dark and quiet. Peyton used to welcome the loneliness, but now, she hated it. When she had been with Callum on Sunday night, she hadn’t been quite alone. She had been wrapped in him as they’d opened themselves to sharing the loneliness they were in. She’d felt connected and wanted.

It probably hadn’t been the best idea to kiss him in the middle of the town’s main road. Anyone could have seen. No doubt the town gossipers had. She didn’t care about their opinions, though. She loved this town and the people, but this was between Callum and her.

She couldn’t ignore the way that he had kissed her and held her. The way he’d begged her. The way he’d sighed her name. It was utterly unforgettable. She wanted more. But he wouldn’t let her. The truth was stopping him. And the truth was something Peyton wanted and didn’t want. The truth, she was sure, would break her to the point where breathing wasn’t enough.

The vibrating of her phone in her pocket had Peyton pulling it out. When she swiped the screen and checked her messages, she had found a new one from Madilynne in her inbox.

Madilynne: I’m sorry that I left you with him. We’ll talk about him being back tomorrow. You should have told me, Peyton. I’m not mad. I understand. Graham isn’t mad, either. He wants to talk to you. Come over, but he says you can’t ask him about Callum. He says that it’s Callum’s choice to tell you and that Graham can’t take that away from you and him. I’ll see you soon.

Peyton: Okay. I’m on my way.

She needed to see Graham. She needed some assurance from him. That the choice she was making was one that would be worth something in the end. It didn’t have to mean forever. It just had to mean something.

Peyton took out the keys from her pocket and walked out of the house. Graham wanted to see her. Even though he’d broken the tradition and trust they had, she couldn’t turn her back on him.

After closing the door behind her, Peyton ran down the stairs and to the driveway. Then she unlocked her Volkswagen Golf. The moment the lights flashed and the car made a sound, she opened the driver’s side door and got in.

Peyton reached for the seatbelt and clicked it in place, desperate to speak to her best friends. She put a hand on the steering wheel as she inserted the key into the ignition. The second it clicked, she froze. She didn’t turn the key all the way. Instead, the click brought flashes of the pictures she had seen in the newspapers the day after her parents had died.

Images of the mangled car brought tears running down her face, and then images of flowers placed by the side of the road brought the sobs. It was the first time she’d sat in the driver’s seat since the accident. Her aunt drove her if she needed to be anywhere that wasn’t within walking distance. Her heart twisted as she remembered the picture of her mother and father’s happy faces on the front of the paper. They had been taken from her. That was the day her father hadn’t fulfilled his promise.

Tears streamed down her face as she tried to fight off the pain. She reached into her pocket and took out her phone. Then unlocked it and pulled up Graham’s number. Her eyes were firmly set on the steering wheel before she pressed the green button to call him.

It rang twice before he answered. “Hello.”

Peyton didn’t answer, but rather, she sobbed.

“Peyton, are you okay? What’s wrong? What did he do to you?” Graham’s voice was heartbreaking. She hated that she was this weak, this scared of the past, that it affected her present.

“I can’t get out, Graham,” she cried.

“Out of where, Peyton? Tell me! Where are you?” he asked in a desperate yell.

“I want to see you, but I can’t. I keep seeing their faces. I keep seeing the wrecked car. I can’t get to you.” Peyton placed her forehead on the wheel and cried.

It was too much. She didn’t think. She just needed to be at the farm. She needed her friends.

“No, don’t think about them like that, Peyton. I’m here. Think of your parents with you and laughing. Don’t think of the accident. Please. Please don’t,” he begged, sounding like he himself was about to cry.

“I can’t get out of the car, Graham. I can’t get out. Help me, please. I need you.”

“Madilynne, call Callum right now!” he yelled. “I’m here, Peyton. I’m here. I can’t get to you.”

“Why?” Peyton asked in a small voice.

“I’ve been drinking. I didn’t think you’d want to see me. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told Madilynne that I wanted to see you. I’m getting Callum, okay? You’re not going to be alone. You’re never alone. I’ll be here until he gets there.” He was trying to calm her, but Peyton could still hear the fear in his voice.

“He’s not picking up!” Peyton heard Madilynne cry out desperately.

“Try again!” Graham roared. “Don’t slip, Peyton. I don’t want to see you go into that state again. You’re strong. You’ve been strong. Don’t shut down on me.”

Darkness started to encroach, attempting to suffocate the light around her. So she closed her eyes and concentrated on his voice. Her heart pounded violently against her chest and her breathing was gasps as she tried to inhale enough oxygen to calm her body.

She felt her phone slip from her fingers and she whispered, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

She was afraid of the darkness that was swallowing her. But she wanted the pain to stop, so she welcomed it. She’d let it win. She was too tired to fight.

“It’s okay, Graham. I have her now.” His voice sounded so close, but she knew he wasn’t. Physically, he was, but emotionally, he was too far gone. “No, don’t worry. Sober up. I’ll stay with her. I won’t leave her alone tonight. Make your time with Mads count. I’ll let her call you. Okay, bye.”

Peyton squeezed her eyes, seeking the light. She’d spent years fighting the darkness. She didn’t want it to win. But the loneliness enticed the darkness. It fed it temptation.

“Pey, I’m here. Let me take care of you.”

Pey.

She slowly opened her eyes and stared at the Volkswagen logo. His nickname for her drew her out of the state that she’d been falling into. She couldn’t look at him, though. Her heart had bled too much pain. It had been denied too much from him. Her heart decided that it no longer needed a filter.

“I’m in love with you,” she confessed. “Don’t you see that?”

Callum placed a hand on her thigh. Peyton looked down to see the cherry blossoms poking out from the long sleeve top he wore. Then she dropped her hand from the steering wheel and placed it on top of his. Her fingers slowly stroked his until suddenly Callum flipped his hand over and threaded his fingers with hers.

“Look at me, Peyton.”

She turned her head and saw those grey eyes full of pain and relief.

“Let me take you inside. I’ll take care of you.”

Peyton’s eyelids fluttered once and she nodded. Callum stood up and reached over, unbuckling her seatbelt. Then he crouched down and pulled out the key from the ignition. He gave her a reassuring smile before she looped her arms around his neck and he pulled her out of the car. As she held him tightly in her arms, he used his body to close the car door and then carried her up the steps to the front door.

Her car sounded as Callum locked it and she rested her head against his collarbone.

“I think I left the door unlocked,” she said quietly.

He bent down and, from under her, reached for the doorknob. Then twisted it once and the door opened. Not saying anything, he walked into the house and kicked the door close behind him. Looking up, Peyton stared at the way his eyes roamed over the dark and quiet house. The confused expression on his face was like he was thinking of where he should put her.

“Bedroom,” she said, answering a question he hadn’t voiced.

He looked down at her and nodded. The way his eyes flashed gave her a glimpse of the person he was hiding from her. She had confessed that she was still in love with him, but he hadn’t said a word. She had known he wouldn’t. But her heart had needed the relief that came from expressing those words. It had liberated her.

Callum walked them to her bedroom door and pushed it opened with his shoulder. The moment they stood inside, he made his way to the bed and laid her on it. From head to toe, his eyes slowly swept over her. Then he inhaled and exhaled before his eyes met hers.

“I have to confess something and I want to say it right. Tell me yes,” he said as he pulled the shirt over his head.

Peyton sat up the moment his hands were on his jeans. “Yes,” she breathed out and sat on the edge of the mattress.

“Thank you,” he said as he undid the button of his pants.

He gave her a smile that warmed her aching heart. She wanted whatever he could give her.

Peyton’s fingers reached her silk blouse, but Callum’s hands were on hers and stopped her. He didn’t say a word as he unbuttoned the top she was wearing and pulled it off her body. Her breathing was embarrassing. No sequence, just pants of anticipation.

“Stand up for me,” he instructed, and Peyton did.

She felt empowered the moment he got on his knees and dug his fingers into her hips. The sight was one she’d mark as one of her favourites. His hands left her and trailed the side of her body until he reached the knee-high boots she had on. He slowly unzipped one boot before pulling it off her leg and then the other. Then he stood back up and wrapped his arms around her waist as his fingers found the zip of her skirt.

Callum held his breath as he pulled the zipper down. The control in his eyes snapped, and she could see the desire in them. She would beg him if he tried to stop this. She needed him like she needed the next breath of air to enter and relieve her burning lungs.

He pulled down her skirt and said, “Lie back, Pey.”

Her knees went weak at just the sound of that three-letter name. She took a step back and sat on the bed. Callum’s pulling down of his jeans and underwear caused her to freeze. He noticed her staring, but she didn’t care. He was glorious and beautiful. And for however long this lasted, he was hers and she was his.

He stepped forward and kissed her deeply. The feel of his lips on hers caused her to ache all over, needing him. Then his hands made their way to the clasp of her bra, and in one swift move, he had it off her. Peyton moved back on the bed before he softly pushed her on the mattress. His tongue passed her lips and found hers as they stroked, kissed, and sucked. Fighting against each other before conceding defeat. Over and over until his hands reached the side of her underwear. Then he broke from her lips as she lifted her hips for him to take off the last piece of clothing she was wearing.

The moment he threw it on the floor, he settled between her legs. Then he propped himself on his elbows as he stared at her with a look she hadn’t seen in years.

Next, he kissed her lips once before the tip of him was at her entrance. Holding her breath, she expected him to thrust straight into her. But he didn’t, so she waited. Peyton wet her bottom lip as she kept her eyes focused on him, wondering.

Callum took a sharp breath in and studied where their bodies almost connected. He lifted his stare back at her. The sweet glint in his eye had made her heart beat harder in her chest.

“I’m confessing to you this way because, the moment I’m in you, I’m the most fragile. I’m the truest form of me when I’m in you, Peyton. I’m at my weakest when I’m this connected to you, emotionally and physically. This is the right way to show you how true and honest I am.”

She felt him tense, so she reached up and held his arms, making sure that he knew she was right here with him. Then she nodded her approval before he slowly entered her. It was achingly slow, but she loved it nonetheless.

“In this moment, right here and right now,” he said, pushing himself farther into her.

She bit back the need to close her eyes. She kept them open, memorising him and the look of utter pleasure that consumed his face.

He was halfway in when he thrust hard into her, making her gasp. “I’m in love with you, Peyton Olivia Spencer.”

“Say it again,” she whispered.

Her heart hadn’t found a way to operate its basic function. He’d said it. Words she’d never expected, words that had been meant for this moment and words that were about now and not the past.

She expected him to pull out and enter her again like last time. But Callum rested his forehead on hers for a moment before he drew back to see her.

Still inside her, he whispered, “I’m in love with you, Pey. I’ve always been in love with you. Then and now. Forever and always. I love you.”

Instead of protecting her heart, she brought his left wrist to her face and let the tattoo of her name touch her lips before she placed it on her chest and above her heart. Then she closed her eyes and allowed the pulse from his wrist to touch her chest. His heart beat for her, as did hers for him.

Peyton opened her eyes and said without reserve, “I love you, too, Callum.”

She softly stroked the back of his head as he slept. Inhale and exhale, his breathing was constant and steady. Each breath he let out touched her chest. Callum had fallen asleep resting his ear to her heart.

Four times. That’s how many times they’d made love. Each thrust, each digging of her nails into his flesh, each groan and moan had made it difficult for her to breathe. Peyton wasn’t sure how her heart had functioned after he’d said that he was in love with her. Not then, but now.

“I’ve spent the last four years in hell. Life hasn’t made sense since you.”

They were the words he’d whispered before he’d fallen asleep. Peyton had closed her eyes and let them brand every cell in her body. She believed him. Callum’s being inside her as he confessed his love was something that she hadn’t been able to imagine. It had been powerful, moving.

And it had also been heartbreaking. They’d made their ending even more difficult. She’d known that the moment that he’d let those words be heard. But she had seen the freedom in his eyes when the truth had been revealed.

Peyton continued to run her fingers through his hair as she stared at the ceiling. She’d been up for most of the night, terrified that he’d leave her or that it had all been a dream.

Callum Reid is my nightmare, my dream come true.

He’s my sometimes and my forever.

He’s the man who will undoubtedly destroy the person I am.

He will either liberate or kill my heart…

And I would let him do it.

I would let him crush my soul to redeem his.

In some way, he had already achieved her forgiveness. He had put the doubts to rest. Throughout the years, she’d believed that it had been nothing but a lie to him, that his feelings for her had never been genuine. These doubts had clung to her heart and told her not to ever forget. But when he’d said that he was in love with her, those doubts had detached themselves and faded away.

This is a now moment.

She knew that it wasn’t a forever moment. The ending was close; she felt it in every beat of his heart and her own. Until she knew what a sometimes moment was, she would file last night as one of them. Sometimes didn’t mean all the time. Sometimes meant once, maybe twice. They were once, maybe twice. The thought had her heart beating fast in aches.

“Your heartbeat picked up. What are you thinking about, Peyton?”

The caressing of her fingers stopped at the sound of his voice. He didn’t move to meet her glance. Instead, he let his fingers trace the skin of her stomach. She held her breath and thought of what to say.

The ending? That you’re in love with me? That I’m in love with you? Our ending?

Peyton breathed out and let her fingers resume their strokes, not saying a word. Unable to trust the words that would come from her mouth, she kept quiet.

“I meant what I said last night,” he said before he propped himself up and looked down at her.

Peyton nodded her head at him and sat up, resting her back on the headboard. Then she let out a sigh and combed her hair with her fingers.

“We just made things a lot more difficult, Callum,” she pointed out.

“The sex part? Or the ‘I love you’ part?” he asked, sitting up and facing her.

“Both.”

Callum took her hands and pulled her into his lap, straddling him. She felt him under her, but the look in his eyes wasn’t just about making love again. There was something more and she hoped to find it someday. But for now she leant forward and placed a kiss on the cherry blossom that was on his shoulder.

Her lips left Callum’s tattooed skin when he said, “Just because we can’t have forever doesn’t mean I’m going to love you any less, Peyton.”

She straightened her body as she looked into his grey eyes. This morning, they were light, reflecting the honesty that was evident in his voice.

No forever. We have love, but no forever.

“Unlove me, Callum,” she instructed.

He tensed and his face grew sad. His hands were on her waist, holding her to him almost as if he were afraid of her leaving.

“Could you unlove me, Peyton?”

She wrapped her hand around his left wrist and turned it over, looking at her tattooed name. Using her right hand to steady his wrist, she let her left index finger trace each letter.

“No,” she said and met his eyes. “I’ve spent over four years trying to. Unloving you is impossible and so is loving you. Could you unlove me?” she asked once more.

He gazed down at his tattoos, and a sad smile touched his lips. “No. Every part of me has loved you since the start. I could never unlove you, Peyton.”

Even though she knew what the end held for them, she let herself fall in love with his words. This was what seventeen-year-old Peyton had wanted and what twenty-one-year-old Peyton had avoided. But in this moment, there was no difference. The Peyton in this moment loved him and his words. From now on, she’d only listen to ‘in the moment Peyton.’ She would be the one to benefit from his love for now.

Bringing his wrist to her mouth, she kissed her name and then let her lips touch every tattooed cherry blossom up his arm. When she reached his shoulder, she left a lingering kiss on the largest one near his collarbone. Letting go of his wrist, she placed her hands on his cheeks and kept eyes locked on his. Then she breathed in deeply before she lifted her hips and positioned herself over him.

“Love me as hard as you can for the rest of the moments we have together,” she breathed before slowly sank down on him.

His fingers dug into her waist as he panted. Her breathing mirrored his, and she let out a soft moan. The feeling of being complete washed over her. Dropping her head to his shoulder, she stilled and memorised the feeling of him filling her.

“If forever existed, I would have wanted it with you,” he whispered in her ear.

Peyton’s eyes fluttered closed at his words. The same words that had caused her heart to shrivel and throb. Lifting her hips, she slowly sank back down. With Callum’s hands on her hips, guiding her, she repeated her movements, finding a rhythm of undeniable pleasure.

Forever doesn’t exist.

The concept of it all is just a process, a thought we create to give us confidence in our choices, a promise before the end.

Forever is like a blooming cherry blossom, beautiful even after the wind has blown it away from home to settle on the tainted ground below.

Peyton kissed his neck several times before she trailed her lips up to his jaw and then his ear. The way Callum thrust hard into caused her to moan as he took control.

“If I could have forever with anyone, I’d want it with you, Callum.”

Callum and I are cherry blossoms.

We flourish.

We taint.

We lie about what we really want.

We want a forever that has died long before us.

Callum and I,

We’re dying.