Текст книги "Sometimes Moments"

Автор книги: Len Webster

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Текущая страница: 8 (всего у книги 20 страниц)

Callum didn’t say anything else. Instead, he kept his eyes planted on various parts of her face. First, it was her eyes, then her nose, and then finally her mouth. That’s when her breathing decided—in that very moment—that it was an unnecessary function. Peyton wished her lungs would work. Just enough to say that his gaze didn’t leave her breathless…and hopeless…and desperate.

Air. Shit. I need air.

“Can I ask you a favour, Peyton?” he asked, his eyes still locked on her mouth. She couldn’t deny the fact that she, too, was staring.

Afraid of the possible shakiness and betrayal in her voice, Peyton nodded.

Callum’s fingers slowly trailed from under her chin to her cheek, lightly brushing against her skin and almost giving her a heart attack. The sigh he had exhaled echoed in the air before he cupped her face firmly in his palms, his actions requiring her attention. It was then that her lips instantly parted as she took in the features of his face.

She used to stare at his chin dimple when he smiled. She thought back to the days he’d sat next to her in class. When he’d brush his chin as he worked on his questions and she’d stare until he’d look over at her with a raised eyebrow. She’d laugh in the middle of the lesson and the rest of the class would gawk at them. In this moment with him, she wished they were back there, in that classroom. Back to simple times.

“Peyton,” he breathed, and she quickly met those grey pools of conflicted and frustrating emotions.

She swallowed hard, trying to regain some form of composure. “What’s your favour?”

He didn’t turn away or blink. He kept his gaze hard on her. “Promise me that you won’t let me kiss you? I can’t lose focus on why I’m here. And I can’t let anything happen between us. You can’t let me kiss you, okay?”

Her heart plunged, leaving a sick and tight knot in the pit of her stomach. No kissing. She shouldn’t be so disappointed. If anything, she should be relieved. She wouldn’t travel down that path, but deep down, she wanted to know what his lips felt like…for one last time.

Straightening her back, she gave him a firm nod and said, “Scout’s honour, Callum Reid,” before sticking up her pinkie.

His lips curved upwards, and then he entwined his pinkie with hers. “Scout’s honour, Peyton Spencer.”

They both laughed, acknowledging the time they were Cubs in Scouts Victoria. The only reason why she quit the Scouts was because she hadn’t liked one of the older Venturer girls—the one who’d dunked her in the mud pit of the obstacle course. Callum was the one who had pulled her out and quit Scouts the next day with her.

He gently pushed on her knees and stood up properly. When he took her hand and helped her up, Peyton tried to ignore the tingles that his touch ignited.

“What’s our plan today, Scout Peyton?” he asked and let go of her hand.

She was sure that he could feel the sweat of her hand. He made her nervous and uncomfortable. As discreetly as she could, she wiped her hand on her pyjama bottoms.

Then she let out a sigh and picked up the plate of untouched food. “I have to go check on the hotel and make sure the storm damage isn’t too bad.”

“Can I come with you?” he asked.

Peyton walked out of her room and into the kitchen. She was surprised when she saw that it was clean. From the noise he’d made, she’d been sure she would have been standing in the middle of a bombsite. The kitchen was immaculate, more so than when she had gone to bed. She set the plate on the counter and faced him.

“I’m just going to survey the hotel and then pick up some paperwork that I left behind. I have to get everything ready for when the staff return on Monday. Sure you want to come?” Peyton asked, reaching for an apple in the fruit bowl. She shined it against her tank top and took a big bite, staring at him.

“I’d love to,” he said. Then he winked.

Peyton rolled her eyes. “Well, I guess I can show you my plans for Oscar and Marissa’s wedding.”

“Sounds good. Meet you here in fifteen? I’ll just go back to my parents’ place and shower. That’s enough time for you?”

Peyton took another bite and shook her head, placing the apple on the bench. She raised three fingers of her left hand and formed an ‘O’ with her right.

“Thirty?”

She swallowed and nodded. “Thirty.”

Peyton hugged the towel as she opened her bedroom door. She hummed along to the song that played through the speakers of her phone. It was June’s song. One that had been Peyton’s favourite. She remembered June singing it by the lake, strumming her guitar. Peyton had been on her way to town when June had called her over. The moment she’d heard it, Peyton had felt like it had been written about her. But what heartbreaking song wasn’t?

She walked to her bed and stared at the Polaroids that sat on the covers. Then she picked up the picture of them sitting on the pier. Callum looked happy, and that’s what was so deceiving about him. He looked happy to be with her, but she wasn’t sure if he really had been. Staring at her former self, Peyton could see the differences from then and now. Seventeen-year-old Peyton had had a twinkle in her eye and a smile that twenty-one-year-old Peyton had forgotten how to make. The teenager had looked carefree and happy and…in love. Present Peyton didn’t know how to be any of those. Slowly, one by one, all of those things had disappeared. Death had become her.

What she missed most was the glow on her face. That was something she’d lacked since Callum had left.

After placing the Polaroid back down with the others, Peyton took a deep breath and walked to the wardrobe. When she set her fingers on the knob, she stared at the promise ring that Graham had given her. She knew deep down that it was a promise they’d break, but in that moment, she wanted the possibility of being someone’s future. But Peyton knew the truth; one woman would make Graham fall desperately in love. It was just a matter of time.

Turning around, she leant on the wooden wardrobe and looked at the diamond. It was beautiful. If she weren’t a backup plan, she’d love it more than she did. She lifted her left hand up and ran the thumb of her right hand over it. Then she stopped her movements and held her breath. She always knew the day would come when she’d take it off, but she hadn’t thought it would be for a long time to come. It was constantly in the back of her mind, but today, it felt right to do so.

A knock on the bedroom door didn’t distract her from the way the ring glittered in the light.

“Peyton, it’s been thirty minutes,” Callum said from the other side of the door.

“Callum,” she called out, her eyes still on the diamond.

“Yeah, Peyton?” The hint of uncertainty in his voice made her heart tense. It was Callum’s being back in town that made her unsure of the decisions she had made since she’d last seen him.

“I’m Graham’s backup plan,” she announced.

Silence.

Peyton counted the seconds that ticked by. When Callum said nothing, she turned her attention away from the ring and looked at her bedroom door. A small intake of air had been taken before she walked towards it. Her footsteps echoed and she had no doubt that Callum could hear them, too. Once she got to the door, she turned around and placed her back against it. The faint sounds of his breathing reached her ears.

“Then he’s an idiot,” Callum said.

Forty-three seconds.

The sadness in his voice made her tense, and she stared at the bedroom window she used to sneak out of.

The neediness in her heart nagged her, wanting to know what kind of choice she was to him. Peyton leant her head back and glared at the ceiling before she turned her head to the side.

“If circumstances were different. If I made you happy and if you loved me back, would I have been your first choice?” she asked into the wood of the door.

There was a slight thump against the door and a sharp inhale of oxygen. “You would have been my only choice, Peyton.”

Peyton shut her eyes and softly said, “If only.”

“If only,” Callum agreed, and that’s when a tear ran down her face. Because those were the two words she had continuously wondered for the last four years. “I’ll wait by the couch for you.”

The sound of retreating footsteps made her heart clench harder. Tears continued to skim down her face, and she wiped them away as quickly as they fell.

“You’ve only ever been my choice, Callum,” she whispered to herself.

And there it was. The truth she had been denying all these years. Her one and only choice. And by July, she’d say goodbye. There was no future with Callum Reid. His return was purely to dust off their hands and move on with their lives.

Peyton pushed off the door and walked over to her bed before sitting on it. She picked up the Polaroids as water dripped from the ends of her hair and onto the towel. Reaching out, she took the almost four-and-a-half-year-old memories in her hands and sifted through them.

During their last summer together, she hadn’t seen him not snapping pictures of their time together with his Polaroid camera. They would halve the pile of photographs between them, and just moments before she fell asleep, she’d look at them before tucking the photos under her pillow.

After stopping on the last picture, Peyton set the others back on the bed and stared at the one in her hand. Madilynne had captured this particular moment. It was of Peyton smiling at the camera and Callum staring at her, oblivious to anyone around him. This was when she’d felt his love—if it had been real and not a figment of her imagination. Hope was a sadistic bitch and Peyton would rather they not cross paths. But this one picture filled her with just that. With a bittersweet smile, she leant the picture against the half-melted candle on her bedside table.

Standing, she placed her fingers on her promise ring and slipped it off. There was no regret or doubt in her mind. Just sheer relief to have it off. Once she’d opened the drawer of the table, she placed the ring inside and closed it before staring at the Polaroid.

I want sometimes moments.

“This is good,” Callum said, staring at her design for the dance floor by the lake.

Peyton sat behind her desk, her chin in her palms as she watched him mull over the idea to make the Reynolds’ wedding a success.

“You mind if I go over it, though?” he asked as he sat in the chair in front of her.

She let out a sigh. “So, it’s terrible then.”

Callum shook his head. “It’s not. It just needs an architect’s look at it.”

“How am I going to afford one?” she asked.

A smug look overcame Callum’s face. “You’re looking at one.”

Her eyes widened. “You did not become an architect.”

He nodded. “I’m practically Ted Mosby.”

She laughed at his How I Met Your Mother reference. It surprised her that Callum had become an architect considering he had grown up complaining about his father’s property development business and how he wanted nothing to do with it. But architecture wasn’t property developing.

“Well, Ted, how does my terrific design look in comparison to all the architect-y things you’ve seen?”

“It’s not hor—”

“Peyton!”

The roar had Callum stopping and stilling. Peyton quickly stood up just as Jay burst through the office doors.

“I knew it!” he growled as he stalked towards the desk.

“Jay, what the hell?” she asked.

“You slept with him?” he asked in disbelief mixed with pain.

Callum put the paper back on the desk. “Jay, you have the wrong idea.”

“Shut the fuck up, Reid,” Jay said firmly before he looked at Peyton. “What’s the matter with you, Peyton? You’re better than that. How could you do this to me?” The torment in Jay’s eyes confused Peyton.

“What are you talking about, Jay? We haven’t slept together. We’re working on the Reynolds’ wedding,” Peyton explained.

Jay’s nostrils flared and he banged his fists on the desk before sweeping everything onto the floor. Peyton watched, horrified, as her father’s clock hit the wall. A gut-wrenching pain she had never known attacked her stomach at the sight of broken clock.

“Callum, I need you to leave,” she said, not sure how her voice sounded.

“Peyton—”

She raised her voice. “Get out!”

Callum nodded once before he walked towards the door.

“You’re going to give up everything for him?” Jay asked, unaware that he’d just torn out her heart with his previous action.

“You don’t understand. Nothing’s—”

“The whole town’s talking. Someone saw him leave your house this morning!”

She noticed Callum stop just near the door, his body strung up tight.

“They have the wrong impression of what—”

“But he spent the night?” The anger in Jay’s eyes was something that she hated seeing. He was meant to be her friend, but he wasn’t listening.

“You’re not letting me finish!” Her breathing came in gasps as she raised her voice higher, demanding his attention.

Jay looked at her hand. “You took off Graham’s ring.”

Callum winced before he walked out of the office. Then the front bell rang, signalling that he had left the hotel.

Peyton stared at the door, ignoring Jay’s presence.

“Look at me, Peyton,” Jay demanded. With each interaction they had, she was beginning to see a new side of Jay. “You. Took. It. Off.”

“And?” she asked, shaking her head and stepping towards the mess Jay had made. She bent down and picked up her father’s clock. The sight of the mangled pieces caused her eyes to water as she took in the broken hands and the lack of ticking.

“Shit, Peyton. I’m sorry.”

“Get out, Jay,” she said, trying to control the hot emotions working up her throat.

“Peyton—”

She stood up and looked at him hard. “He spent the night, okay? But nothing happened. You were at Daisy’s farm and I’m not even mad that you went against me for her. Keeping me safe from stuff like a storm was your thing. I never obligated you to it. But when I needed someone, Callum was there. And yes, I took Graham’s ring off. Not for Callum, but for me. You won’t understand, but Graham will. I’m not giving up anything for Callum. He’s leaving soon.”

She wasn’t sure when she’d lied, but somewhere in what she’d said, there were a few. Right now, though, she didn’t care. She decided that in order to save their friendship, Jay would have to leave. Peyton placed the clock down on the wooden desk and fought the tears from falling.

“Get out, Jay. Before I say something that I’ll regret.”

Jay clenched his fists tight. “I’m sorry, Peyton. The clock—”

“Just leave,” she instructed, not looking at him.

When the door slammed shut, she breathed out exhaustedly. That wasn’t what she’d expected. Rumours spread like wildfire, but Jay had believed them.

Peyton looked at the papers, the pen, and the frame on the floor. Then she bent down, picked up the picture of her and her parents, and placed it back where it belonged. The glass had smashed, and the sight of the fragments angered and destroyed her. After she examined the frame, she saw the pier design on the floor.

“Callum,” she uttered and raced out the door of the office.

Her heart was beating wildly as she ran out of the hotel. She needed to find him, explain, and apologise for her harsh ways. She just hadn’t wanted him to see Jay in such a way.

Peyton stood on the path outside the door of The Spencer-Dayle. She wasn’t sure where he’d be or how she would contact him. Desperation bled into her chest as she scanned the area, her eyes landing on the pier across the lake. The achiness in her chest relieved the moment she saw him sitting on the edge, staring at either her or the hotel. She wasn’t sure.

When Peyton turned her head, she saw Jay stalking towards town. He didn’t get it, but she understood where he was coming from. Jay felt a need to protect her; she had sensed it in the years since they’d become friends. Sometimes, protection induced suffocation. And that was how Peyton felt when she was around him.

She looked back at the pier and then to the path—two choices, and whichever direction she chose meant consequences.

She squeezed her eyes shut before she started to run down the path. She was sure she saw Callum’s head dip from the corner of her eye. But all she did was run. Hard and fast. Her breathing had become heavy gasps.

Peyton heaved as she reached where her head told her to go. She stopped for a moment to regain herself before she walked towards him.

“You should go after him, Peyton.”

I am.

She lowered herself down next to Callum and let her legs fall over the edge. “What good would that do?” she asked, her eyes sweeping the view. This spot would always be her favourite. A lot of good times outweighed the bad. And Callum was a bit of both.

He let out a bothered sigh. Peyton turned her head to see him also staring out at the lake.

“Peyton, you’re losing people who you love because of my return. It’s my fault that he did that to your father’s clock. And I assume it’s my fault that you’ve taken off Graham’s ring.”

A handful of emotions filled Callum’s face. First, it was anger, then anguish, and finally regret. His eyes lightened instead of darkening. He was remorseful.

“I’m making your life worse. I wanted to come back because I owe you a lot of apologies. I’m trying to make up for a lot of wrongs that I should have made right four and a half years ago. Instead, I’m getting in the way of your friendships and causing the town to talk about you. This wasn’t part of the plan. It’s only going to get worse from here if we stay friends, Pey.”

All breath fled her. It had been a long time since he’d called her that. He was the only one to ever call her Pey. She was his when he breathed it out.

She blinked quickly at him, letting everything about him sear into her memory. She’d only get what little time he was willing to give to her. But she’d take it. All of it.

“Look at me,” she softly demanded.

Callum turned, his eyes meeting hers. So much filled them that she couldn’t tell what they held anymore. It was a mixture, but his pain hit her first.

“This is my fault. I’ll talk to Jay and get this sorted. I can’t let this town hate you the way they hate me just because we spend time together,” he said before his eyes left her.

Peyton stared at the side of his face.

“I never, ever wanted to hurt you, Pey,” he whispered.

And that’s when it all came crumbling down. Her supposed stance weakened and she was exposed.

I’m sorry, heart. I am so sorry.

Peyton lifted her legs up on the pier then leant closer to him. Once Callum turned to face her, she reached up and cupped his face in her hands. Wonder and surprise filled his eyes. Peyton loved it more than the pain and hurt that had been there earlier.

“I’m so sorry, Callum,” she said.

He opened his mouth to speak, but Peyton let her lips crash into his, stopping anything vocal from escaping him. Her heart stopped and then dipped. And then it did something that surprised her—it expanded in relief.

He kissed her with as much desperation as Peyton gave. This. His lips and just the feel of his hands on her hips bringing her closer had her eyes welling. She tingled all over. The memory of just how much she’d loved the way that he kissed her was like a crash of water against rocks—hard and painful.

Callum groaned and Peyton tangled her fingers in his hair. Something she always loved doing and wanted to do since this morning. He squeezed his fingers into the side of her body, causing Peyton to gasp. Then he automatically stopped, his fingers loosened—to her disappointment—and he pulled back. He looked stunned, and Peyton couldn’t help but feel disheartened by the displeasure on his face.

“You promised me that you wouldn’t let anything like this happen between us, Peyton,” Callum said.

Her hands still cradled his face. She took the opportunity and let her thumbs stroke his cheeks. He shivered under her touch, which was a win for her. It didn’t matter if he didn’t love her. She still had an effect on him.

“I promised that I wouldn’t let you kiss me. I kissed you,” she stated. This was what she had missed. Having him in her arms and in her hands. She knew what the end spelt, and for now, she wouldn’t care.

Callum shuffled backwards once, Peyton still holding his face in her hands as he tugged her towards him. She placed her legs over his laps and straddled him—just like all the times they had spent during their last summer.

His eyes showed her the terrified side of him. Peyton moved her hands and brushed his hair back. Then Callum took a sharp breath and squeezed her hips.

“I can’t offer you forever,” he said, breaking the fantasy she was in.

But she wouldn’t let him see that. Her chest ached, but she ignored the pain. She wanted him. That, she was sure of.

“Then give me now. For as long as you can,” she whispered before letting her fingers trail down the side of his face.

“I can only give you sometimes,” he said.

Peyton gave him a smile. It was all she was going to get. “Then I’ll take your sometimes.”

“And then it’s goodbye,” he said.

Peyton nodded. “Then it’s goodbye to you, Callum Reid.”

Callum pulled her closer to him. “And to you, Peyton Spencer.”

She didn’t reply. Instead, she let her lips slowly make their way to his, sealing what she had already known. That they had just agreed on the end of their story.

We just planned our demise.

The moment his lips met hers, it was an implosion of relief and satisfaction. This was an undeniable want. He was an undeniable want. Unlike before, this was slow and savoured. Callum’s lip guided her to a pattern of open and closed movements. Again and again, it continued, never bordering on too soft or too hard. They found a rhythm and speed in which time became a word and not a force. The same force that would drive them apart soon enough. It was just a matter of when. The thought had Peyton missing a beat in their kiss. But pushing the thought of the inevitable away, she quickly found her way.

Callum wrapped his arms around her lower back and brought her closer. The surprise of his willingness evoked a silent moan, allowing his tongue to find hers. If there were a way to beautifully explore her mouth, then Callum had found it. The gentle stroke of his tongue against hers caused her heart to pound insanely hard. Though years had passed, it was familiar, like he hadn’t forgotten the way they kissed. Each movement and moment of the way his mouth worked her into a frenzy was memorised. Time. It kept looming over her.

“Peyton,” Callum breathed against her, and he slowed their kiss until they mutually stopped. Then he pulled back, brushing her hair away from her face. “Not like this. Please.”

“Like what?” she asked, looking anywhere other than his eyes.

“Like you can change the ending. I can’t give you happily ever after. I can’t give you anything.” He sighed.

Peyton removed her hands from his hair and let them fall in her lap. The need to get off him became desperation. She was ashamed. Her stance and willpower had weakened and she had let her pathetic heart win. Now, it sat uncomfortably behind her ribcage, throbbing and twisting.

“I don’t want a happily ever after, Callum. I need an ending. No spin-offs or sequels. Just a standalone. And maybe someday, I’ll get to hear your epilogue.”

Then she placed her hands on his shoulders and pushed herself up. The stinging of her lips reminded her that she had let desire win. She took a step away from him, leant on the railing, turned her head to the left, and stared at the shimmering water of the lake. She felt his eyes on her, but right now, her mind wasn’t in a good place. She didn’t trust her decision-making abilities at the moment.

Callum, standing up, caught her attention. When her eyes met his, the controlled Callum was before her.

“My epilogue?” he asked.

Peyton nodded. “Yes. A conclusion to all of this. I want to hear it someday.”

He scratched his arm, thinking. Hints of his sleeve tattoo poked out. “What do you want to hear in it?”

She relaxed her body and let the uncomfortable heat spread from her chest to the rest of her body. Then she gave him a tight smile, knowing that what she was about to say came hand-in-hand with their upcoming goodbye.

“Everything. Write it down one day and send it to me. I want to hear about you meeting the love of your life. I want to hear about how you proposed to her. I want to hear where you said ‘I do.’” Peyton stopped and quickly wiped her tears away. She hadn’t thought it would be so hard to talk about his future. “And I want to hear about your firstborn and all the children you have after. I want to hear their names. I want to hear how happy you are with your life.”

God, Peyton, you’re being ridiculous. Cut that shit out!

She looked up at him. His red and swollen lips appeared to tremble before his jaw locked. Callum turned away as his nostrils flared. Whether it was anger or hurt, she didn’t know but the way his eyes flashed in pain didn’t go unmasked. He had fallen silent until he finally faced her.

“And that’s something that you’d want me to send you?” he asked. There was nothing in his voice that suggested he wouldn’t.

“It’s something I’d love.”

“But what if you move houses or something?”

Peyton let out a short laugh. “You’ll find me right here in Daylesford, Callum. Just like you did before.”

“And what about you, Peyton?” he asked.

She swallowed hard and shook her head. “I don’t have one to write. Some stories don’t need one. And I’m afraid this is kind of the end of the line for me. Just the hotel and this town.”

Callum stepped towards her and placed his arms on the railing, trapping her. “There’s more out there than just Daylesford.”

Her heart pounded against her chest, threatening to squeeze through her ribcage. She looked up and nodded. “I know there is. There’s nothing out there for me.”

He tilted his head at her. “How do you know? I’ve seen what’s out there.”

She gave him a fine smile before saying, “Because everything I have left is here. Memories are more important to me than the city. I’m content with my life here.”

Callum exhaled heavily before resting his forehead on hers. “There’s so much more outside of the town’s limit, Peyton. You belong out there, experiencing more than what Daylesford offers you.”

Her heart felt like it was being tugged in different directions simultaneously. She peeked up at him through her lashes, Callum’s grey eyes meeting hers.

“I belong here,” she said.

I always thought I belonged to you. Not this town.

He pulled away and nodded. “Then let’s give Oscar and Marissa a wedding they’ll never forget and get the hotel the recognition it deserves.” Then Callum dropped his hands from the pier, turned, and made his way off it.

“Callum,” she called out as she watched him leave.

He stopped and, without hesitation, faced her. Peyton stood at one end of the pier and Callum at the other, separated by planks of nailed wood.

“Yeah?” he asked, digging his hands into his pants pockets.

“I’m sorry that I kissed you.”

He looked at the ground that met the first plank of the pier before he looked back up at her. “Don’t be, because I’m not. We just can’t let it happen again, Peyton. Want to head back to the hotel and go through those plans?”

She didn’t feel anything. Finally, years of hoping and wishing had finally paid off—Peyton no longer felt. And to her disappointment, it wasn’t as satisfying as she had imagined. Rather, it left her longing for more.