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Автор книги: Kelly Elliott

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CHAPTER FORTY

JEFF

I was walking up from the barn when I saw Ari sitting on the porch.

The last three months had been hell for both of us. Although her parents had disapproved, Ari had decided not to go back to Austin for school this semester. Instead, She was taking a few online classes with Ellie.

I had only talked to Rebecca once, and she begged for forgiveness. She had called a few more times, but each time, I’d ignored it. One more than one occasion, Ari had just about wanted to drive to Austin just to kick her ass.

I heard the thunder rumbling in the distance, and I smiled, remembering how much Ari loved thunder-storms.

If only I could get that Ari back...

Last night, I’d called Ellie, and I’d told her that I thought Ari could really use a girls’ trip into Austin today. She agreed.

As I walked closer to Ari, I could tell she’d been crying. Fuck.

“Hey, baby, have you been up for very long?” I asked as I stepped up onto the porch.

She didn’t even look up at me. She was growing more distant as the days went on. It had been three months since she’d lost the baby, and now, she wouldn’t even let me touch her.

I sat down next to her while it started to rain. She put her head back on the swing and let out a sigh.

“Ari, we really need to talk, baby. I can’t keep going on like nothing is wrong. You’re drifting further and further away from me. I need you back.”

She lifted her head and glared at me. “Maybe you should have thought of that before you walked out on me.”

I felt like I was going to be sick. “I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that I’m sorry, Ari. I’m sorry for making the biggest mistake of my life. If I could take it back, I would. You don’t think I beat myself up every morning and every night? If I could go back and redo it, I would. I’d do anything to make you happy.”

She stood up and walked over to the railing. “I want to be alone for a while.”

“No.”

She spun around and stared at me. “What?”

“I said no, Ari. I’m tired of you pushing me away and not talking to me. I don’t even remember the last time you let me hold you or just touch you.”

“I don’t want to talk about it with you.”

“Bullshit. You won’t talk to anyone about it, not even your mother, Grace, or even Ellie. Everyone is so worried about you. This has to stop, Ari. We got the go ahead last month, baby, if you want to try for another baby….”

“No! Just please stop talking.” Ari stepped off the porch into the rain.

“Where the hell are you going?” I said walking after her.

“I want to be alone, Jeff. That means without you! Please just go back to the house. I’m going to the barn.”

I followed her toward the barn.

She turned and looked at me.

“You’re such a fucking dickwad! Why can’t you just leave me alone? I don’t want to be near you, I don’t want you to touch me, and I don’t want you to make love to me. I don’t want you. Holy hell, how many times do I have to say it?”

It was now pouring rain, and I was shaking from head to toe. I knew she didn’t mean what she was saying; the counselor we had gone to had told me that this might happen. I’d kept doing what the counselor said. I’d given Ari the space and time she’d needed, but now, I was done with this bullshit. I wanted my girl back. I wanted the life we were supposed to have-fuck, the life we deserved to have– back.

When I started to walk toward her, she turned away from me to run toward the barn. I took off after her and grabbed her. She started to scream for me to let her go while she fought me with every ounce of energy she had. I wouldn’t let her go. I just held on to her while she hit me with as much force as she could.

Then, she started to cry.

“I hate you! Don’t touch me, Jeff. You can’t touch me. Please just leave me alone.”

She was crying so hard that I could hardly understand her. I just held on to her. She slowly started to sink to the ground, and I went down with her. The pouring rain and loud thunder surrounding us was unreal, but there was no way I was letting her go.

“I lost the baby, Jeff. I lost our baby. Oh my god...I just want to forget it. Why can’t I just forget it?”

For the first time in weeks, she turned and held on to me so tightly that I thought I was going to burst with happiness and sadness at the same time.

“Baby, you didn’t do anything wrong. It just wasn’t meant to be. She’s up in heaven, looking down on us, and she’ll always be a part of us...always, Ari. There will never be a day that goes by that she won’t be with us. She’s our angel watching over us, baby.”

Ari buried her face in my chest. She was crying so hard. I would do anything to take away her pain. As she slowly pulled away from me, the rain mixed with her tears, both just pouring off her face.

She stared into my eyes and said, “Make love to me, Jeff. Please make love to me.”

Oh dear God. I wanted her so much. It had been so long that I just wanted to just rip off her clothes right there in the rain. I picked her up and walked her into the barn to an empty stall. I gradually slide her down my body as I looked into her beautiful eyes. Those eyes were slowly getting life back into them.

Reaching over, I grabbed Stargazer’s blanket. I bent down and laid out the blanket while Ari just watched my every move. As I started to take off her sneaker, she put her hands on my shoulders while she lifted one leg at a time.

Standing up, I captured her mouth with mine. The moan she let out moved through my whole body.

We hadn’t been together in three months. I didn’t want to rush this. I wanted to show her how much I needed her. I wanted to make her forget for just a little bit.

I started to kiss her neck and then slowly moved up to her ear. “Take off your clothes, Ari,” I whispered as I stood back to look at her.

For the first time in months, I saw a fire in my girl’s eyes. Ari stepped back and started to peel off the T-shirt that was plastered to her body. Slowly, she began taking off her white lace bra. My dick was getting harder by the second.

She dropped her bra on top of her shirt, and then she gave me the smile that I’d do anything for. I let my eyes move up and down her beautiful body.

Stepping forward, I hooked my finger on the belt loops of her jean shorts and pulled her to me.

“Take off all your clothes.”

She unbuttoned her shorts slide them down her wet body. I didn’t think I’d ever been as turned on as I was in this very moment. Just the sight of her had me going insane. I love this girl more than anything.

She stepped back and raised her eyebrows at me. “Do you really think it’s romantic to make love on my horse’s blanket?”

I couldn’t pull my eyes away from her lips. “Yes, I think making love to you anywhere would be romantic as long as we are together.”

With a smile, Ari walked up to me and pulled me closer to her. “It’s your turn to strip, you bastard, if you know what’s good for you,” she said with a wink.

I didn’t think that I’d ever taken off soaking wet clothes that fast before in my life. The moment her hands touched my body, I sucked in a breath of air. Fuck, I’ve missed her touch. I was trying so hard to think of anything other than her touch that was driving me crazy.

She started to kiss my chest from one side to the other. Then, she dropped to her knees and took me in her mouth. I swore that almost came on the spot.

“Ari, baby, I don’t think I can hold off if you keep doing that.”

She let out a small moan that just made me combust.

I reached down and pulled her up to me.

“I want to be inside you. Now.”

“Well, who am I to deny that command, Mr. Johnson?”

Ari slowly lowered herself down onto the blanket. I moved over her and started to kiss her face, then her neck and moved down to her chest where I gave each nipple equal attention.

Ari let out moan after moan.

“Oh god, Jeff. I’ve miss you so much.”

“Baby, you don’t know how much I’ve missed you.”

I continued kissing down her stomach to her hips. She grabbed my hair and pulled me back up to her to capture my mouth with hers. The second she bit down on my lip, I knew I couldn’t wait any longer. Inch by inch, I slowly started to enter her body. All the while, I never once stopped showering kisses on her.

I gently moved in and out of her warm body. “Are you okay, baby? Am I hurting you at all?”

“Please don’t stop, Jeff. You feel so good. I’m so sorry that I’ve been pushing you away. Please just love me.”

I brushed my lips against hers, and then I kissed her deeply. I pulled away to look into her beautiful green eyes. “I love you so much, Arianna. I hope you know how much I love you.”

“Jeff...”

I rolled us over, letting her take control. She’d never felt so good like she did this at this very moment. I never wanted this to end. Ari smiled at me, and the next thing I knew, she took us both to heaven and back.

***

I wasn’t sure how long we lay there in that stall, listening to the rain, before one of us spoke.

“I’m sorry that I’ve been so out of sorts, Jeff. It’s just.”

“Baby, you don’t have to explain anything to me. I love you, Ari. I’ll never leave you...ever.”

Turning on her side to look at me, Ari smiled. “I’m gonna hold your ass to that. I want to get married.”

“I’m pretty sure I already asked you that, and you said yes.” I lifted up her hand and kissed her ring.

Ari laughed and hit me in the stomach. “No, I mean, I want to get married now, like right away. Let’s just go somewhere and get married. We don’t need a big production. You and me, babe. How does that sound?”

“Considering your father has already told me that he wants his baby girl to have the wedding of her dreams, I’m going to have to take his side on this one, baby.”

Sitting up, Ari pulled her legs to her chest and gave me that wicked smile of hers.

“You talked to my father about the wedding? When?”

“About three weeks ago. When they came out to visit, he came down to the barn and we had what he called… ‘a nice little chat about making my little girl happy forever or you will pay dearly for the rest of your life’.”

“I love it! Okay, so deep down, I knew we wouldn’t be able to get away with running off and getting hitched. So when do you want to get married?”

I had to laugh. I love this girl. “As soon as possible,” I said. Leaning up, I grabbed her by the back of the neck and pulled her toward me. When I grabbed nipped her lower lip, she let out a soft moan that brought my dick back to attention.

“December? Can you wait until December to get married?” Ari asked, moving to sit on me. She raised her eyebrows and smiled at me as she started to impatiently circle her hips on top of me.

“Well, I see there’s one thing you can’t wait for.”

***

We spent the rest of the morning making love and just talking in that stall. For the first time in months, I actually felt like we were on the right road to happiness. Ari was smiling, laughing, and talking about our future together, and I had never in my life felt so fucking happy as I did with her in that barn. I was getting my girl back.

Before we started to make our way back out into the rain to head up to the house, I found another blanket and wrapped it around Ari. Ellie was sure to be heading over to get Ari soon.

Ari stopped and reached out for my arm. I turned and looked at her. Her eyes were holding back tears. Fuck me.

“Can I ask you something?” she asked.

“Of course you can, baby always.”

“Can we try for another baby? I mean, I haven’t been taking my pills, and we just...well, I mean what just happened was so wonderful.”

I placed my hand on the side of her face and smiled at her. She was breathtaking; the sight of her standing in the rain, asking me if we could try for another baby, had me just about falling on my knees.

“I want nothing more than to have children with you, Ari. I’m ready, baby, whenever you are.”

She gave me that smile, and my heart dropped to my stomach.

“Do you want a boy or a girl?” she asked me with a wink.

“I want a healthy baby, but I won’t argue if that healthy baby happens to be a boy,” I said with a small laugh.

“I don’t care if we have a boy or a girl. I’m thankful that I’m not a carrier of the Fragile X gene, but I’ll love whatever God decides to give us. Earlier, Jeff, when you were talking about the baby, you said she’ll always be with us. Do you think it was a girl?”

“I don’t know. The moment I found out you were carrying our baby, even just for those few seconds, I that I was so happy. Something told me it was a girl. It’s stupid, I know. I guess I’ve just always thought of the baby as a girl.”

Ari smiled slightly and reached up to kiss me. When she pulled away, her smile grew.

“The second I found out I was pregnant, I knew it was a girl. I felt it.”

“Well, here’s hoping we both feel the next one is a boy. I seriously want him to kick ass on the football field.”

Ari laughed as we started to make our way to the house. When she turned and stared at me with that look, I knew what she was about to do.

She winked at me and started to run toward the house.

“Last one there has to muck out the stalls tomorrow!”

I smiled and took off after her while she laughed the whole way back to the house.

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

ARI

I’d never felt so alive as I did right at this moment. Jeff’s touch alone seemed to snap me out of the funk I had been in for the last few months. After we were back in the house, we got into the shower, and he made love to me again. This was probably one of the best mornings of my life.

***

Looking myself in the mirror, I put my hand on my stomach. I smiled at the thought of Jeff referring to the baby as a girl. Our little girl was in heaven, and she would always being looking over us. She was our very own special angel. I knew that with all my heart.

“I will never forget you, baby girl…ever.”

I heard Jeff walk into the house, arguing with Ellie. Those two…I swear. Rolling my eyes, I reached for my sweater since there was a cold front moving in. I knew my ass would be buying one if I didn’t bring one.

I walked into the kitchen, and Ellie and Jeff were in such a deep conversation that they didn’t even see me standing there.

“She’s in rehab and asking to see us both. What was I supposed to say, Jefferson? Grace and Jack were standing right there when I got the call.”

“You should have told them to tell our mother to go to hell.”

“Believe me, I wanted nothing more than to say that, but instead, I said that I would talk to you about it.”

“I don’t care that she’s in rehab, Ells, or that part of her recovery process is to say she is sorry to us. She can fuck off for all I care.”

I cleared my throat so that they both knew I was there.

When Ellie turned to face me, the smile that played across her face spoke volumes. Well, holy hell, I must have a just-got-laid look on my face. She glanced back at Jeff and smiled even bigger at him.

“Do you still want to do a girls’ day? I packed my gym stuff, so we could hit Lifetime Fitness; I just want one good workout in a real gym!” Ellie said.

“Fuck yeah, I still want a girls’ day! I have my stuff packed, and I’m ready to go.”

I looked over at Jeff and gave him a wink. I was so happy to see that smile on his face. I knew he’d been so unhappy the last few months, and it was now going to be my goal to make him happy every damn day.

***

It had been so long since I’d laughed as much as I did on the drive into Austin. God, this feels good.

Ellie picked Magnolia Café for lunch. She talked me into getting a chicken salad sandwich on some wheat-ass looking bread. Ugh, healthy shit.

The waitress brought out our food and put my sandwich down in front of me.

I looked up at Ellie.

“Really? All I wanted was some mac and cheese today, Ellie.”

“Stop bitching. We’re going to the gym, and if you really want to get married in December, it’s time to start eating healthy.”

“What the fuck is this green shit in here?”

Ellie raised her eyebrow. “It’s spinach.”

“I can’t eat this shit.” I picked it off the sandwich and set it to the side.

“After this, we’re going to get ice cream.” I said before I took a bite of my sandwich.

“No way. No, I’m putting my foot down.”

“Stop being such a bitch to me, Ells. If I want ice cream on my girls’ day, I’m getting ice cream, damn it.”

***

After lunch, we got back into the car. Ellie looked at me and smiled. She reached over to hit play on her car stereo, and Christina Aguilera’s “Vanity” started.

We both looked at each other, and at the same time, we said, “Hells yeah!”

The moment Ellie pulled into Baskin-Robins I wanted to reach over and kiss her ass! Oh god. I wanted ice cream so damn bad. I practically jumped out of the car and ran into the place.

“Shit, Ari, it’s just ice cream. You act like you’ve never had it before.”

“Listen, bitch, I haven’t felt this good in months. If you’re draggin’ my ass to the gym, I’m gonna at least have something to celebrate that shit.”

Ellie hung up from talking to Gunner and raised her eyebrows at me.

“Holy hell, Ari, that’s the biggest sundae I’ve ever seen. You’re going to get sick.”

I just grinned at her and took a giant bite. I looked up and watched a girl walk in. She was covered in tattoos. I looked back at Ellie with a smile.

“Oh no! There’s no fucking way, Ari, I’m going to let you…or me…get a tattoo! No. Way.”

“Come on, Ells! I’ve been through hell the last few months. You know I’ve always wanted one. Please!”

“I’m not getting one. I’d get a nose piercing before I got a tattoo.”

I jumped up and walked over to the trash can.

“Come on, let’s get a fast workout in, and then let’s get some ink and get pierced!”

Ellie just looked at me. “Have you lost your damn mind?”

“Come on, Ells. You have the perfect nose for it.” Reaching for her hand, I pulled her and lead her out of Baskin-Robbins. “Think about what you want for a tattoo while you’re working out. I already know what I want.”

***

The whole time I was on the elliptical, I kept thinking about my morning with Jeff. I closed my eyes and could almost feel his lips on mine.

December. I was going to marry him in three months. My eyes flew open, and I looked over at Ellie.

Oh. My. God. I’m going to get married in three months, and I haven’t started to plan a damn thing. Nothing! I needed to call my mom. Where should we get married? Austin? At the ranch?

On a beach... far, far away from everyone and everything. That would be the perfect wedding. It was too bad my mother would say hell no and then throw a damn Katharine Hepburn quote at my ass.

I hit Ellie on the arm.

She looked over and pulled her head phones out. Britney Spear’s “Toxic” was playing from her earbuds.

“What? We’ve only been going for thirty minutes.”

“I’m freaking out!”

“I would think so. Do you know how much shit you ate in the last few hours?”

I rolled my eyes. “Not about what I ate. It’s about the wedding. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, I’m getting married in three months, Ells. One. Two. Three. Three months and I’ve done nothing.”

Ellie threw her head back and laughed. “Don’t worry. We have a secret weapon called Jenny. Ari, it will be fine. We got this thing. I mean we can.”

Ellie stopped mid-sentence and stared past me. The look on her face was not good.

I was almost afraid to turn around to see who or what she was looking at.

“Um, how about we call it a day and go get those tattoos?” Ellie stopped the elliptical and jumped off.

Now, I knew it was bad. I hit stop, got off, and turned just in time to see Rebecca standing there, talking to...Jason?

“Ari, let’s just go.”

Oh fuck no. I’d been dreaming about what I was going to say to her when I saw her again. She had been the reason why I’d lost the baby. It’d been her and her alone. I wanted to pound my fist in her face.

“It’s okay, Ells. I got this under control. Honest.”

“The hell you do! I can practically see the steam coming from your ears, Ari.”

What is Rebecca talking to Jason about? They sure seemed deep in conversation.

When I started to walk toward her, Ellie grabbed my arm.

“Ari, I really think this is a bad idea. There’s something Jeff didn’t tell you, and I really think you need to just walk away.”

I turned and looked at her. “What? What didn’t he tell me?”

“Aw shit, Ari! You don’t really need to know. It doesn’t matter anymore, so please, let’s just go, please.”

“You can’t say that to me and then just expect me to walk away. Tell me now or I will vagina punch your ass right here in the middle of the gym.”

Ellie looked over my shoulder toward the bitch.

“Fuck me. Jason’s the father of Rebecca’s baby.”

“Wait…what? He can’t be. He was with me when...” Then, it hit me.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I pushed Ellie’s hand off my arm and turned around to head over to the devil’s spawn herself.

It didn’t take her long to notice me walking up to her. She straightened her body and stood a little closer to Jason. He’s not going to save you, bitch! After I take his ass down, I’m coming after you.

“Ari.”

“Ells, please. I need to do this.”

Ellie took a deep breath and gave me a knowing nod.

Right before I got there, Jason turned to see me coming.

“Oh, hey there, Ari and, Ellie. How have y’all been?”

“Fuck off, Jason.”

“Listen, Ari, I don’t want any trouble. I tried to call Jeff, but he won’t take my calls,” Rebecca said.

“And you should probably take that as a sign that he’s never going to take your calls...ever again.”

“Fine. You know what Ari, I don’t have time to stand here and listen to you.”

I reached out and grabbed her arm.

“Oh, I think you do, and you will make time for me, bitch.”

“Don’t call me a bitch!” Rebecca said. She looked at Jason as he wisely took a few steps away.

“Oh, I’m sorry I offended you when I called you a bitch, Rebecca, I honestly thought you knew you were one.”

“Fuck off, Ari.”

I tightened my grip on her arm and pulled her closer to me. Her eyes widened in surprise.

“Because of you, I lost something very precious to me.”

She slowly let a smile play across her face.

The fact that she smiled was enough to make me want to hurt her even more.

“What’s wrong, Ari, you couldn’t keep Jeff around?”

“Oh, don’t you wish. Actually, we’re getting married in a few months. Don’t hold your breath for an invite.”

“Let go of my arm.”

“Listen to me, and listen very closely, Rebecca. If you so much as ever think of getting in contact with Jeff again, I’ll make sure you pay for everything you’ve ever done to me. You so much as look my way ever again, and I’ll kick your ass from here to kingdom come and not think twice about it.”

Rebecca looked at me and then over to Ellie.

“By the way, Bek, you look like shit. I thought motherhood made you more beautiful. Huh, it must not work for lying, scheming bitches.” I let go of her arm and gave her a small push.

I looked over at Jason and smiled. He took another step backward.

“Don’t worry, dickwad, you’re not even worth my time or energy.” I held up my middle finger and smiled at him as I started to walk away.

Smiling, Ellie came up next to me and bumped my shoulder.

“Really, I would’ve been okay if you kicked the shit out of her.”

I reached my arm around and pulled her closer. “Holy hell, girl, I’m so glad you’re my best friend.”

When we walked out of that gym, I’d never felt better.

***

By the time we walked out of the tattoo parlor, I was flying high. I ended up getting angel wings on my right shoulder in honor of our little girl. I couldn’t wait to show Jeff. The belly-button piercing was perfect. I looked over at Ellie and let out a giggle. She still looked like she was about to throw up.

She asked, “What the fuck did we just do?”

Ellie ended up getting a phoenix tattoo on the right side of her back, and I was damn happy she did. If anyone had been reborn, it was this girl.

Now, the nose piercing, yeah, I’m pretty sure that I was not going to Ells live that one down. I’d never heard Ellie say fuck so many times or use the names she’d called the poor guy who had pierced her nose. I let out another giggle.

“What the hell do you find so funny, Ari? You barely flinched when he pierced your stomach. I thought I was going to die when he put that damn needle through my nose. My nose, Ari. I just pierced my nose and got a tattoo on my back. Gunner is going to freak.”

“No, he’s not. Shit, he has two tattoos himself. He’s gonna think it’s sexy as hell, and you know it.”

Ellie shook her head as she got into her car. “I sure as hell hope this thing doesn’t get infected.” Ellie looked in the rearview mirror. “Oh. My. God.”

When she looked back at me with her smile, I grinned right back at her because I knew what was coming.

“It looks so damn cute!” she said.

I laughed and agreed. “Let’s head home. I want to get me some Jeff.”

“Oh god, Ari. Come on, I don’t need that visual. He’s my brother for shit’s sake.”

***

The drive back to Mason was filled with laughter and tears.

Ellie was starting to get down because she hadn’t gotten pregnant yet, and she was getting worried.

“What if I can’t have kids, Ari? What if I’m never meant to be a mother? I know how much Gunner wants kids. What if.”

“Just stop. First off, you have plenty of time to have a baby, and you will have a baby, Ells. Maybe you’re just so worried about trying that you’re too stressed to get pregnant. You know, my mom and dad didn’t think they were ever going to have kids. They ended up going on vacation, and nine months later, I made my grand entrance in the world.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve already talked to Gunner about maybe not trying so hard for now. I mean, if it’s meant to happen, it will happen. Right?”

“Right!”

“Ari, are you really okay, sweets?”

I looked out the window and felt the tears building for the first time since this morning. Taking a deep breath in, I thought about Jeff with his arms wrapped around me so tightly, his whispers of love in my ear, and the way he just made me feel so safe.

I smiled and turned back to Ellie.

“Yeah, I’m really okay, Ells. For once, I truly feel like Jeff and I are finally on the road we are meant to travel on. I don’t think you can get to where you’re truly meant to go until you travel that one road…the one that’s filled with sharp turns, steep hills, and nothing but pot-holes that you have to try and get around. After you make it off that road, you find the one that is straight, smooth, and filled with nothing but happiness.”

Ellie pulled over on the side of the road and stared at me.

“What’s wrong? Why the hell did you pull over?”

She reached over and put the back of her hand on my forehead. I just looked at her.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“I’m just making sure you’re not getting a fever or something from that piercing and tattoo. Holy hell, that was some serious shit.”

I let out a laugh and pushed away her hand.

“I love you, bitch,” I said, hitting her in the shoulder.

“I love you, too. Let’s get home and show our guys what we got today!”