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Автор книги: Kelly Elliott

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You left us. You left us, sweet baby.

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

JOSH

My heart felt like someone had just reached in and ripped it out. Why is Heather so upset? We had been arguing right before Jeff and Ari had shown up, but she had seemed to be more pissed-off than upset.

I followed her to the room she was staying in. She pulled out her bag and started to pack up her stuff.

“I thought you were planning on staying? What about Ari?”

Heather looked up at me, and it felt like someone just kicked me in the stomach. Tears were just rolling down her face. Holy shit.

I took a few steps toward her until she held up her hand.

“Stop. Please don’t come any closer to me. I don’t think I have the strength to push you away right now.”

“Then, don’t. Heather I don’t understand this. One minute, you say you want me, and the next, you push me away. You tell me you love me, but then you push me away again. Why are you doing this?”

“I can’t do this right now. I just need to… I just need to get away from here… from you.”

“What the fuck did I do? I can’t fix it, Heather, if you don’t tell me what I did.”

Heather stopped packing and looked up at me. “That’s the problem, Josh. You can’t fix it. I think it’s best if we both just move on. There can never be anything between us. You can never be with just one girl, let alone me. Come on, we both know that’s true.”

“You won’t even give me a chance to prove to you how much I love you and how much I just want to be with you. Heather, I don’t want any other girl. You’re the only girl…woman… I’ve ever wanted, and the only woman I’ll ever want. Princess, please just let me.”

“Oh my god, please stop! No! It’ll never work, so we need to just stop this now. I don’t want to be with you. I said I love you, and I do, but...I don’t think you are.”

“You don’t think I’m what?”

Heather took a deep breath and turned away from me.

“I don’t think you’re the one.”

I just stood there, rejected again. How many times am I going to do this to myself? How many times is she going to hurt me?

Just then, my phone beeped. I took it out and looked at it. There were three text messages from Lynda.

“Fine, Heather. I’m done being turned down and pushed away by you. If you want me to leave you alone, you got it.”

I turned and started to walk out the door as I hit Lynda’s number.

“Josh, please can we still be friends?”

I turned back and looked at her. My heart was hurting so bad that I couldn’t even talk to her. I just stood there with my phone up to my ear. I knew the moment Lynda answered, I was about to break Heather’s heart, but maybe this was what I needed to do. She wanted us both to move on.

“Hello, handsome!” Lynda anwered in a chipper voice.

“Hey, Lynda, how about dinner tonight with me? Are you in the mood?” I said. Then I turned and walked away from the only woman I would ever truly love.

***

I hardly heard a word Lynda was saying. We were sitting in a small restaurant in Fredericksburg that she had wanted to try. I’d told her earlier that I was heading to the restroom, but what I really did was call Jeff to ask if Heather had left yet. She’d left almost as soon as I’d left. Now, all I could think about was what had gotten her so upset and why she’d told me she loved me only to leave.

“Josh? Are you even listening to me?”

“Um, yeah. I’m sorry, Lynda. I guess I’m just thinking about Jeff and Ari.”

“Well, it was nice of you to let them have the house to themselves this evening. I can’t even imagine how they both feel. I have to say that I’m relieved that Jeff is not the father of Rebecca’s baby. I’m sure he and Ari feel the same way.”

I couldn’t even think straight. I just stared at Lynda until she finally smiled at me.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

I laughed. “I’m fine.”

“The last two days have just been emotionally draining. That’s all, Lynda. I’m actually thinking about heading back to Austin tonight. I think Jeff and Ari need to be alone with each other.”

Sitting up straighter, Lynda raised her eyebrow at me. I knew what she was thinking. Do I want to go there? It had been months since I’d been with a girl. I only wanted Heather, but that wasn’t gonna happen.

I reached up my hand and called our waitress over. She had been flirting with me all night, but Lynda didn’t seem to care one ounce. As long as I was walking out the door with her, I don’t think she would care who flirted with me.

***

As we walked back to my truck, I pulled my phone out to see if maybe Heather had called. Nothing. I sent her a quick text message to see if she’d made it to Austin yet.

I wasn’t even in my seat when I got a reply back from her.

Heather: In Austin…out with a friend.

What the fuck does that mean? I knew her friend wasn’t Ellie or Ari. So who the fuck is she with? I looked over at Lynda. She was staring at me…again.

“I um…I need to step outside and make a phone call that’s kind of personal. Do you mind?”

“No, Josh, not at all. Take your time.”

I walked a few feet away from the truck and dialed Heather’s number. I didn’t think she would answer, but she did.

“Is everything okay with Ari?” Heather asked in a panicked voice.

“What? Oh yeah…ah, she’s fine.”

“Okay. Well then, what did you need?”

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay, Heather. You were so upset when you left, and you never did tell me why you were crying. I, um…I just wanted to make sure you were okay. That’s all.”

“Thank you, I appreciate that. I’m fine.”

“Who are you with?”

“I don’t think it’s any of your business, do you?”

“Heather, listen, I know you aren’t with Ellie or Ari. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t alone and that you’re okay.”

“I happen to be perfectly fine. I’m on a date. Then, her voice sounded farther away. “I’ll be right there, Jerry, in just one second.”

Jerry? Who the fuck is Jerry?

“You’re really out on a date? You move fast, Heather.” I was so pissed off that I couldn’t even think straight.

“Me? How are you enjoying your dinner with Lynda?”

“We’re about to move onto dessert.” Fuck. The second that came out, I regretted it.

“You’re an asshole.”

I went to apologize, but then I realized she had already hung up. I wanted to scream and just throw my fucking phone. My hands were shaking, and I couldn’t stop seeing Heather dancing with that guy from last night. I turned back to my truck and got in. I looked over at Lynda sitting there, smiling at me.

“Do you want to go back to Austin with me tonight?”

“I thought you would never ask.”

***

I dropped Lynda off, so she could pack up her stuff. I told her I would be back as soon as I could.

When I walked into Jeff and Ari’s place, Jeff was sitting at the kitchen island. He looked like shit.

“Hey, dude, how is Ari feeling?”

“I think she’s feeling better.”

Fuck. “Jeff you need to talk?”

“It’s my fault this happened, Josh. It’s my fucking fault. I walked away from her…the one person I vowed to never walk away from. I just left her while I ran after some damn lying bitch. If I had just given her a few minutes of my time, I don’t think I would have left. I would have stayed, and.”

“Jeff, stop doing this to yourself. You can’t change what happened. It all happened for a reason. I know you want to place the blame on yourself, but, dude, you can’t. You didn’t know Ari was going to tell you she was pregnant, and you didn’t know Rebecca was playing you for a fool.”

Jeff snapped his head up. Oh shit, I should really choose my words more carefully.

“A fool? Is that what everyone thinks I am?”

Motherfucker. I didn’t need this. “No, Jeff, that’s not what I meant. You were torn, and I get it. I would have probably done the same thing, Jeff. How were you supposed to know that she was plotting against you? It’s all going to work out. I know it will. You and Ari are meant for each other, Jeff. Y’all will find a way to fix this shit. I promise.”

Jeff put his head in his hands and let out a sigh. Man, this guy needs to just catch a break.

“Hey, um…I was going to head back to Austin tonight. I figured y’all need your privacy, and with Heather leaving…”

“What the hell is going on with you and Heather, Josh? I feel like I’m looking at an earlier version of Ari and me, dude. Just get it the fuck over with and tell her you love her.”

I started to laugh. “I already told her that I loved her. She seems to think that I’ll never be able to stay true to her. I guess I can’t blame her, but fuck…what does a guy have to do to prove he can change?”

Just then, my cell phone went off with a text. Lynda had texted me with a picture of her in a fucking blue lace bra and matching panties. Fuck me.

“Actually change, Josh.”

“What?” I looked back up at Jeff.

“You want to prove to her that you’ve changed? Then you’ve got to actually change, dude. I’ve seen that look on your face before. You’re gonna hook up with someone tonight, aren’t you?”

“I don’t need a lecture from you, Jeff. Heather’s made it very damn clear that she doesn’t want to be with me. Shit, she’s on a date tonight for Christ’s sake! What I am supposed to do? Just sit around and wait for her? Fuck that. I’ve waited long enough for something I’ll never have.”

“Wait. How do you know she’s on a date? She just left a few hours ago.”

“I called her. I wanted to make sure she got to Austin okay, and she told me she was on a date. I even heard her talk to the guy.”

“You don’t think she might have just been saying that to get you fired up?”

“Why the hell would she do that? Listen, she’s moved on, and now, I am, too. I gotta go, Jeff. Lynda is waiting for me.”

“Oh fuck, dude. You’re gonna sleep with Gunner’s cousin? The man code, bro.”

“It’s his cousin, not his damn sister. Fuck the man code.”

***

I packed up my shit and headed back into the kitchen. Ari was sitting at the table while Jeff was pouring her some tea. I walked over and kissed her on the head.

“How are you doing, babe?”

“Fine, thank you. Why are you leaving? You don’t have to leave, Josh. Please know that.”

“I know, hon. I need to get back to Austin. My dad is making some office furniture for a lawyer’s office, and I really want to help him with it. I can’t waste my whole summer away. Time to get a real job, ya know?”

“Okay, come back this weekend if you want.”

“Thanks, y’all. Take it easy and let me know if you need anything.”

***

By the time I picked up Lynda and we headed into Austin, my head was pounding, and my heart was racing. Lynda was talking away like a nervous Nellie. She didn’t even hesitate when I asked if she wanted to go back to my place.

The sooner I fucked her, the better I would be…..

And the faster I would get over Heather.

CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

HEATHER

Jerry just kept talking and talking until he finally asked if I was even listening to him.

“Oh yeah, I’m so sorry, Jer. One of my best friends lost her baby yesterday, and I guess I just have her on my mind. I kind of walked out left her. Not the best thing for a friend to do, but.”

“No worries at all, Heather. You’ve seemed a little upset since you took that call. Was that her?”

The moment I ran into Jerry at Starbucks, and he asked if I wanted to grab a late dinner, I knew I was doing the wrong thing. I needed to get Josh out of my head though. Then he called, and I’d just blurted out that I was on a date. I guess having dinner with your cousin’s best friend wasn’t really a date, but Josh didn’t need to know that.

“No, it wasn’t her. It was a guy. A friend who just wanted to make sure I got back to Austin okay.”

“Do you call all your guy friends assholes, Heather?” Jerry asked with a smile.

I let out a laugh and shook my head. Jerry went back to eating his burger while I took a good look at him. He had blond hair and green eyes. They were nothing like Josh’s eyes though. His height was about five-eleven and he was built. He played baseball for UT, and he was dressed in a UT T.shirt and shorts. He was wearing his UT baseball cap backwards. If Ari were here, she would probably say he looked very fuckable. She loved it when guys wore their caps backward. I hated to admit it, but I loved it, too, especially when Josh did it which was damn near all the time.

I let my eyes travel up and down Jerry. He sure was attractive, and he had a killer smile that made my stomach drop.

Jerry wasn’t as good-looking as Josh, he was damn near close to it.

We talked for a few hours about nothing and everything. It was nice having a simple conversation. I also didn’t have to worry about if he was going to check out the waitress or if she was going to slip him her number. Josh had never done that though. At least, I’d never noticed it.

Josh. I wondered if he was with Lynda. I decided I needed to check up on Ari. I looked at the time, and it was almost ten.

I sent her a text message: How are you?

Ari: I’m reading. Jeff is passed out with his head on my lap.

I had to smile to myself. Thank God Jeff was not the father in that whole Rebecca-baby drama. I sent her another text and asked if I could give her a quick call. I excused myself as I walked outside of Mighty Fine Burgers to call Ari.

“Hey, girl. How was the trip back to Austin?” Ari said.

“It was fine. I ran into an old friend. Do you remember Jerry Ross? He’s my Cousin David’s best friend. Plays baseball for UT.”

“Oh yeah, the one who always wears his damn baseball cap backward. Yeah, I remember him!” Ari said with a small giggle.

I was sure she was trying not to hurt her side or wake up Jeff.

“I’m having a late dinner…well, burgers with him.”

“Really? Huh,” Ari said.

I heard her tell Jeff to go back to sleep.

“What do you mean, huh? I’m not allowed to have dinner with anyone?” I knew I sounded like a bitch. What is with the attitude from her?

“I don’t mean anything by it, Heather. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, between you and Josh, I swear.”

“What about Josh? Is he there or still out to dinner with Lynda?”

When Ari didn’t say anything, my heart started to pound.

“Is he there Ari?”

“Um, no. He actually left a few hours ago to head back to Austin.”

“Really? Did he go back to Austin alone?” Why I even cared was beyond me. I did this to myself. I pushed him away one too many times, and now, I had a feeling I was about to pay for it.

“I’m not really one hundred percent sure on that.”

“I can always tell when you’re not being honest, you know.”

“I overheard Josh telling Jeff that Lynda was going back to Austin with him.”

Oh. My. God. I put my hand up to mouth when almost threw up. He’s coming back to Austin with Lynda.

“Heather, baby, are you okay?”

“I have to go.”

“Heather, wait! Talk to me. I’m so damn confused with what’s going on between you two. You told him to move on. Baby. Did you mean it? If not, Heather, call him. Call him right now before he does something I know you’re both going to regret.”

“No, you’re right. I told him to move on, and clearly, that is what he’s doing. I can’t blame him for that. Listen, sweets, I just wanted to check up on you and see how you’re feeling. Take it easy and give Jeff a hug and kiss for me, will you? I’ve got to run. Jerry is waiting on me.”

“Heather, please call me if you need to talk, and please call Josh, baby.”

“There’s no reason for me to call Josh. I’ll talk to you later.”

As I leaned up against the building, the tears were building in my eyes. I felt so sick to my stomach, and all I wanted to do was scream. Am I really going to just let him go that easily? Looking down at my phone, I found Josh’s number. I looked back into the restaurant, and Jerry was cleaning off our table while talking to the girl who had been working behind the counter. It looked like she was handing him something. I was sure the place was fixin’ to close any second now.

I looked back down at my phone and hit dial.

Then, she answered.

“Hey, Heather! Is everything okay? This is Lynda.”

I was so stunned that I couldn’t even think of any words to form in my mouth.

“Um...”

“Heather, are you okay?”

I could hear the satisfaction in her voice, knowing she had caught me off-guard.

“Yes, I am. I must have dialed Josh’s number by mistake. I was trying to…trying to call Ari to see how she’s doing.”

“Oh, okay. Well we literally just walked into Josh’s apartment, and he’s taking a shower. So should I let him know you called?”

What a fucking bitch. I hate her. “Ah, no. Like I said, I meant to call Ari, so no, that’s fine. Thanks, Lynda. Enjoy yourself.”

“Oh, believe me, we intend to have fun tonight…if you know what I mean.”

I just hung up. I leaned over, and the next thing I knew, I felt Jerry’s hands on my back.

“Heather! Oh my gosh, are you going to get sick?”

I couldn’t breathe. He’s going to sleep with her? Oh god. I pushed him away, and now, he was going to sleep with her. I. Can’t. Breathe.

I looked up at Jerry. His face was filled with concern. He truly seemed to be worried about me. Maybe he’s the one? I didn’t think I’d ever have to worry about him leaving me. He didn’t seem like the type of guy who would play around.

“Jerry, I don’t think I can drive. Can you please take me home?”

Jerry smiled at me and leaned down to pick me up. As he carried me to his BMW, he whispered in my ear,

“I’ll do anything for you, baby.”

***

The light shining through the window was killing my head. I pulled the pillow over my face and let out a moan. Oh god. I hadn’t felt this bad in months. Holy hell, how much did I have to drink? I started to play back the evening in my head. Jerry had stopped and picked up some beer and the fixing’s to make Italian Margaritas. I remembered drinking…a lot…laughing...kissing and.

I sat up in bed so fast that I thought I was going to puke. I looked down to see that I was naked.

Oh. My. God. No!

Slowly looking to my left, I almost jumped when I saw Jerry sleeping next to me. No. Oh god no. I very carefully tried to get out of bed, and then it hit me. I was sore...down there. When I pulled the sheets back, I saw blood.

I got up and ran into the bathroom. I barely made it in time to throw up. After ten minutes of getting sick while Jerry asked if I wanted a warm washcloth, I sat back against the wall and cried my eyes out. I lost my virginity to a guy I wasn’t even dating…when I was drunk… and I don’t even remember it.

I closed my eyes and pictured Josh telling me my first time had to be special. I’d wanted my first time to be with someone I loved. I wanted it to be with Josh. I had not wanted to be drunk and sick the next morning with no memory of even having had sex in the first place.

I leaned back over the toilet and started throwing up again.

“Jesus, Heather. You’re not much of a drinker, are you?” Jerry said with a small laugh.

Does he even know? How could he not know that I was a virgin?

“I just need a few more minutes. I’m so sorry.” I said.

He looked down at me with pity. “Should I make you some eggs, babe?”

Ugh, he called me babe. “Sure.” It was not lost on me that I was sitting, naked, on my damn bathroom floor. I closed my eyes and felt the tears again.

Josh…it was supposed to be Josh.

I felt something soft land on my shoulders, and I realized he was putting my bathrobe over me.

“Thank you.”

“Heather, if I had known ahead of time, I would never have...”

Oh great…just great. Now, he’s sorry for having sex with me. I looked up at him as I felt the tear roll down my face.

“Baby, please don’t cry. I feel like shit as it is. I wish I could go back and change it all.”

Wow….good-looking and caring…but he’s still not Josh.

***

After a few more minutes of me sitting on the bathroom floor, rocking back and forth while I tried to remember anything from last night, I got up and made my way into the living room. Then, I remembered I was butt-ass naked, so I started to turn back to the bedroom when my door bell rang. I looked at the clock on the wall. Who the hell would be here at seven in the morning?

Pulling my robe closer to me, I tied it tightly and opened the door. My jaw just about hit the floor when I saw Josh standing there. He looked awful, like he hadn’t slept in days.

“Josh? What…what are you doing here? I thought you were with Lynda.”

Josh looked confused. “What? How did you know I was with Lynda last night?”

“When I called you she answered and told me you were in the shower. She said y’all were planning on having an enjoyable evening.” Holy shit, I spit that all out so fast.

“Wait, what time did you call?” Josh asked, looking confused as hell. He pulled out his phone and scrolled through his call log.

Oh no. I felt like I was going to throw up again. “Um, around ten.”

“That’s weird. I saw her on my phone, and she said it was the wrong number. The last call on my log is when I called you.”

Oh my god. She set me up. “Did you sleep with her last night?” I blurted out. God, please say yes.

“Heather, can I at least come in?”

“Did you sleep with her last night, Josh?” I almost shouted.

“I almost did, but I couldn’t do that to you, Heather. I love you. I only want to be with you.”

I felt my legs going out from under me, and then Josh reached over and grabbed me.

“Shit, Heather.”

Josh grabbed me and started to bring me into the living room. When I looked up, I saw Jerry standing there, watching us. He looked confused as hell, wearing only his boxers.

The moment Josh noticed him, I felt it. His hold on me tightened, and he sucked in a breath of air. He helped me to the sofa where I sat down. I looked between Josh and Jerry. Wow, both their names begin with the letter J. I shook my head. What the hell, Heather? Really?

“Um, hey, I’m Jerry.”

Jerry reached out his hand out to shake Josh’s, but Josh took a step backward. Then, Josh looked at me. I knew the moment when he realized what had happened.

“You slept with him?” Josh whispered.

“Josh…” I tried to talk, but I lost my voice.

Josh glared at Jerry.

Jerry glanced at me, shook his head, and then looked back at Josh.

“Dude, I had no idea y’all were together.” He held up his hands in defense.

When Josh looked at me again, I could see the tears in his eyes.

Without even looking away from me, he answered Jerry.

“We’re not together.”

Then, I lost it and started crying.

“Josh, I don’t even remember anything.” I went to stand up and walk closer to him.

He took a step back with the strangest look on his face.

“What?” It looked like his legs were about to give out, and he grabbed onto a chair. “How could you do this, Heather? I thought you were different. I didn’t sleep with Lynda because I love. I was coming over here to tell you that I’d wait for you forever if I had to. Then, I find out that you….”

“Josh, please no... don’t say it,” I said between sobs. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. The hurt in his eyes was killing me.

Josh turned to Jerry. “Did you at least know she was a virgin?”

Jerry shook his head, “Not until after. I would never have done that if I’d known. Listen, we both got really drunk last night, and.”

Josh held up his hand to stop Jerry from talking.

“You wanted to push me away, Heather…well, I think you finally did it.” Josh turned and started to walk toward the door.

My heart was racing and my head was pounding, but I went after him.

“Josh, please. You have to understand that I never intended for anything like this to happen. I was upset when Lynda said y’all were about to have a good time, and I just wanted to forget it all. I wanted it to be you! You have to believe me! I wanted it to be you!” I grabbed his arm.

He stopped and turned to look at me. With his thumb, he wiped away the tears that were rolling down my face.

Josh closed his eyes for a few seconds and then opened them. The moment I saw a tear slide down his face, I died inside.

“You know what’s funny, Heather? You were so worried that I was the one who wouldn’t be faithful. I would have given up everything for you. There’s nothing I wouldn’t have done to make it so damn special for you and to make you happy for the rest of your life.”

“Oh god, please, Josh… please.” I started to shake my head.

He took a few steps away from me.

“I guess you got what you wanted, princess. You’ve lost me for good.”

I cried harder as I reached out for him, but he turned and walked out the door. I called out after him, but he just kept walking. I slowly started to sink down to the floor.

“You’ve lost me for good.”

No! Oh god, he left...just like my parents did.

I just sat there, rocking back and forth, as I kept calling out his name over and over again. Jerry walked up behind me and placed his hands on my arms to help me up. When I turned around, I fell into his arms, telling him how sorry I was.

“Come on, babe. Let’s get you dressed and put something in your stomach. It’s going to be okay, Heather. It’s going to be okay.”

I wanted to believe him, but I had a feeling nothing would ever be the same.

It would never be okay because I lost him.

The only man I would ever love-I lost him.