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Автор книги: Kelly Elliott

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CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

JEFF

Ari had finally cried herself to sleep thirty minutes ago. I just sat there and watched her sleep as I thought about how I’d walked away from her earlier.

Fuck. If only she had just told me once she’d found out about the baby, I would have handled things so differently.

I put my head down in my hands and felt the tears coming again. This was entirely my fault. Just like Ellie had said, I’d left them both to run to some nutcase whose only goal was to tear me away from the only person I’d ever love.

Our baby is gone. I never even got to place my hand on her stomach to talk to the baby. I never had one second to just enjoy the idea of being a parent with Ari.

God, I can’t imagine how scared she must have been this last week. I knew something was different about her. I haven’t even gotten a chance to just hold her. I just wanted to comfort her.

I stood up and pulled out my cell phone. It was about to die, there was no way I was going to my truck to get the charger. With my luck, Ari would wake up and find me gone.

The nurse had come in earlier and said that Ari would be able to leave tomorrow morning. I walked over to the side of her bed. She’d managed to roll over on her side even though I knew she was in pain from her ribs. I had to smile when she kept cussing out the doctor, insisting her ribs had to be broken because she was in so much pain.

I love this girl so damn much.

I needed to hold her. I crawled onto the bed and tried to very gently lie down next to her. I didn’t want to touch her for fear of waking her up or, worse yet, hurting her.

“It’s about fucking time you got in bed with me.”

I smiled and then let out a laugh. There’s my girl.

“I want to hold you, Ari, but I’m afraid I’ll hurt you, baby.”

“Please, Jeff. Please just hold me. I need to feel you.”

That was all I needed. Moving closer to her, I gently put my arm around her. I felt her relax instantly.

I was just about to fall asleep when she started to talk to me.

“I’m so scared, Jeff.”

“Why are you scared, baby?”

“What if I can’t have kids?”

“What? Ari, why would you even think that? Women have miscarriages and then have other kids all the time.”

“Do you think I’ll be a good mother? I mean, like my mom? If we do have a child with Fragile X, can I.”

I leaned over and kissed the back of her head. I wanted nothing more than to just take her away from all of this. If only I could turn the hands of the clock back to this morning, I would have never walked away from her.

“Ari, I have no doubt in my mind, baby, that you’re going to be a wonderful mother. I see you with Matt. I see the love and patience you have with him. I’m in awe when I watch you. I love you, Ari, and I’m so sorry I did this to you.”

She didn’t say anything for a few minutes, and I could tell she was crying.

Then, for the hundredth time tonight, the guilt hit me like a brick wall. All I wanted to do was call Rebecca and tell her how much I hated her. What good would that do though?

“Jeff?”

I cleared my throat and attempted to talk.

“Yeah, baby?”

“I really started to love the idea of having our baby. I feel like I took that away from you. Just because we lost her doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have been able to feel the same joy I felt. But now…now, I just feel like a huge part of me is missing, like I just lost the most precious gift ever, and I never even gave you the chance to feel it also. What type of person does that make me?”

My heart was hurting so bad in my chest that I couldn’t breathe. I had to get up. I started to sit up carefully, so I didn’t move the bed too much. I didn’t want to hurt Ari.

Ari slowly turned, trying to sit herself up.

I felt like I was going to be sick. I knew there was something wrong the moment I had Rebecca’s baby in my arms. Instead of being happy, I’d felt sad, like I had just lost something. I knew in that moment, the baby wasn’t mine, but what I didn’t know was that I was truly losing my own child.

“Ari, what time did you fall off of the horse?”

“What difference does it make?”

“I just want to know.”

“I don’t know. It was probably an hour, maybe an hour and a half after you left. Why?”

I leaned over and started taking deep breaths. This was my fault. If I hadn’t left her, she would have never gone riding. She would’ve told me about the baby, and we would be home right now, making love...celebrating...and hoping Garrett didn’t walk in on us.

I had taken that gift from her. I tried with all my might not to do, it but I started to cry. I fell to my knees and just lost it. I took our child away from her.

The next thing I knew, Ari was on the floor next to me, holding me while I just cried.

“I’m so sorry, Ari. I’m so very sorry I left y’all. Oh god…please forgive me.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Jeff. I’m to blame, and so is Rebecca. If she’d never tried to deceive you or if I had just told you the moment I found out about the baby...none of this would’ve happened. Please don’t blame yourself. Please, baby, don’t. We’re going to get through this…you and me together. Just promise me one thing.”

“God, I would promise you the world, Ari.”

“Please don’t ever let me feel like I felt when you left me today. I never want to feel like that again.”

I gently moved her onto my lap and kissed her. The kiss soon turned passionate, and Ari let a soft moan escape her mouth. I just wanted to lose myself in her.

“Make love to me, Jeff.”

I had to start laughing. “Um, did you forget where we were, baby?”

Ari looked around the hospital room and made a face.

“Fuck a duck.”

Just then the nurse walked and immediately stopped, staring at us.

“What happened? Why are y’all on the floor? Ms. Peterson, why are you on the floor?”

“I’m not on the floor. I’m on my fiancé’s lap.”

“Why are you on his lap on the floor?”

“Can I go home now? Please,” Ari said as she looked at the nurse and gave her a pouty face.

The nurse shook her head as she walked over to us and looked down. I felt like I was in middle school, and we just got caught making out.

“Mr.?”

“Johnson, Jeff Johnson.” I smiled up at the nurse.

She gave me a stern look in return. Yep, this felt just like middle school, especially knowing I didn’t want Ari to get up just yet because of my hard-on. Ari must have been thinking the same thing I was because she took it a step further as she rubbed her ass on me. Turning to face me, she gave me a Cheshire Cat grin. Damn, could I love her anymore?

I leaned over and kissed her. Pulling slightly away from her lips, I smiled.

“I love you.”

Ari giggled. “I love you, too.”

“Alright, let’s go. Let me help you up, Ms. Peterson. Now, take it nice and slow. Once we get you in bed, I will give you your pain pill.”

After we got Ari back into bed, she slid over and patted the bed for me to get in. I started to climb on until I felt a hand on my shoulder pulling me back.

“I don’t think so, Jeff Johnson. If you want your own bed to lie down in, I can probably arrange that for you since I’m starting to lose my patience.”

“Wow, where did you go to nursing school? School of hard knocks?”

“Do you want to stay in here or in the waiting room?” the nurse asked with a straight face.

Jesus, this nurse was in a mood. Smiling at her, I put my hands up in defeat as I walked over to the small-ass sofa to sit down.

“That’s better. Now, Ms. Peterson, is there anything else I can get you besides some pain medicine?”

Ari smiled and shook her head. The nurse gave Ari her medicine, and she swallowed the pill. I watched the nurse help adjust Ari, and then she glanced up at me giving me a dirty look.

“Good night…” I looked at her name tag. “Nurse Maggie Jones. Hey, Jay-Z has a song you might like. It’s called “Hard Knock….”

“Jeff! Let’s allow Ms. Jones to get back to work now. I’m sure she doesn’t care about any songs.” Ari then turned to the nurse. “Thank you so much for your help. I promise, cross my heart.” Ari said, her index finger crossing over her heart, “that I will not get out of bed. She flashed that beautiful smile of hers at Maggie.

Maggie smiled at Ari and then turned and walked over to me. Why does this woman make me feel like I’m about to be sent to the principal’s office?

“I’ve got my eye on you. She needs her rest, and she isn’t going to get it with you making her get on the floor and sit on your lap.”

“Wait a minute, I didn’t.”

“Shhh! I will make you sit in the waiting room all night if you don’t allow her some rest. Do I make myself clear, Mr. Jeff Johnson?”

I looked up at her. “Did you just shush me?”

Ari let out a small laugh before she moaned. Jumping up, I was at her side so fast that Maggie didn’t know what had happened.

“Ari, are you okay?” I stroked the side of her face as I leaned down to kiss her.

“Maggie, please, Jeff is fine. What I’d really like is for us to be left in private, please.”

After another look that surly should have dropped me dead on the spot, Maggie warned me that she would be back in two hours to take Ari’s vitals and I better not be in Ari’s bed.

After she’d left the room, I walked around the bed and crawled in next to Ari.

***

We talked for the next hour about so many things: our future, the horses, more kids. Ari cried a few times, and I tried my best to hold back the tears.

Right before she drifted off into sleep, I whispered in her ear, “I love you, Ari, so much.”

“Just promise me that everything is gonna be okay, Jeff. Please just tell me that it’s all going to be okay.”

“I promise, baby. Everything is going to be better than okay.”

I held Ari in my arms while she slept. I wanted nothing more than to protect her from ever hurting like this again. Tears rolled down my face as I thought about how I was the one who had hurt her, causing her pain yet again. I made a promise to myself right then that I would never hurt her again. I’d die before I’d ever cause her any more pain.

Sleep slowly started to take over my body until a part of me panicked about Maggie walking in.

I finally gave in and closed my eyes.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

ARI

I could feel the pain before anything else. Slowly opening my eyes, the first thing I saw was the morning sun shining in through window. Then, I looked up to see Maggie standing above me.

“Good morning, Ms. Peterson.”

“Ari. Please call me Ari. Ms. Peterson is my mother.”

Maggie laughed and helped me to sit up some.

“I’m about to leave, Ari, but I wanted to give you your breakfast if you thought you could eat something.”

I hadn’t even thought about food until that second. I was starving.

Smiling at her, I was just about to say yes when Jeff came walking in the door with a handful of bags.

“Good morning, baby! I went and bought you some of your favorites,” Jeff started to set it all out on the small table under the TV.

“I got you a cinnamon twist, a chocolate cream-filled donut, an apple fritter…well, I got two of those ‘cause I wanted one, too! Let’s see…I got a ham and cheese croissant sandwich, two sausage kolaches…oh and two cream cheese-filled koloches because I know you love those.”

I loved over at Maggie. She was just staring at Jeff now as he put all the food on the table. I tried not to let out a giggle for fear of my ribs hurting. When Jeff looked up at me and then at Maggie and back at me, the look on his face was priceless. I let out a laugh and did my best not to show how much pain I was in.

Jeff gave me a goofy smile. While he took a bite out of an apple fritter, he winked at Maggie.

“Do me a favor, Jeff Johnson; please don’t ever come back to this hospital again. Please,” Maggie said.

Jeff started to laugh. He walked over to Maggie and gave her a hug.

“Oh, come on, Nurse Hard Knock. You know you love me. You let me sleep in the bed with the love of my life all night.” Then, he shoved the apple fritter in her face.

“You want a bite, Maggie?”

Maggie started to laugh as she pushed his hand away. “No, I do not want a bite of your half-eaten apple fritter.” She pushed Jeff off to the side and smiled at me.

“Good luck with this one, honey. The doctor will be in soon to talk to you, Ari. The next nurse on duty is already starting your discharge papers so we should have you out of here in no time.”

“Thank you for everything, Maggie.” I said with a smile.

Jeff said good-bye to Maggie and walked with her out into the hall. That bastard left all the goods on the table out of my reach, and I was starving. Damn it. I started to slowly get out of bed. When I stood up, I felt a terrible pain in my stomach. I bent over too fast, which caused my ribs to hurt. I cried out in pain. Just at that moment, Jeff came walking back into the room.

He was over by my side so fast that I swore it was just like that scene in Twilight when Edward saves Bella from being crushed by a swerving van. I had to start laughing, which caused me to cry out again. Jesus, if this is what bruised ribs feel like, I pray I never break them.

“Baby, what are you doing? Do you need to use the bathroom or something?”

“No! I need something to eat, and you walked out with Maggie and left me hanging.”

Jeff helped me back onto the bed and then walked over to the table. He reached into the bag and pulled out an orange juice for me. He brought it over with the other apple fritter and a koloche. Then he just sat there, smiling at me.

“What the hell are you smiling at?”

“Were you hungry, baby?”

“Yes, yes, I was. I haven’t had anything to eat since yesterday before the…the um...accident.”

I felt the blood literally drain from my face. I had forgotten about it for a whole two minutes. Now, the memories were back, and it felt like someone was sitting on my chest. I couldn’t breathe.

Jeff walked over to help me stand up. He gently took me in his arms. “I love you so much.”

Then, the doctor walked in.

“Ms. Peterson, how are you feeling today?”

“Like shit. I still say my ribs are broken,” I said, as I looked over at Jeff.

Dr. Ross glanced over at Jeff.

“Jeff Johnson, Ari’s fiancé,” Jeff said as they shook hands.

“Ari, we’re going to let you head on home. I need you to take it easy for the next twenty four hours. Get lots of rest and be sure to watch for a fever.”

“You are going to go through a range of emotions. Anger, sadness, grieve. You need to allow yourself time to grieve the loss of your child, both of you.” Dr. Ross glanced back over toward Jeff and gave him a slight smile.

He also told us he would like for us to wait two months before we tried for another baby. Jeff squeezed my hand and I felt the tears building in my eyes.

Do. Not. Cry.

Standing up to leave, Dr. Ross shook Jeff’s hand again.

“Please let me know if there’s anything else I can do for y’all. If for any reason you start feeling worse, my personal cell phone number will be on your discharge papers. Or if you just need to talk to someone, I’ve been where you both are. I know what you’re feeling. It will get better.”

I was fighting the tears like there was no tomorrow. Jeff was squeezing my hand so hard that I was pretty sure he was going to break it. I looked down at my hand and back up at him, and he must have noticed it because he immediately loosened his hold.

My whole body started shaking and Jeff moved in closer to me. After the doctor walked out of the room, I lost it. I didn’t think I’d ever cried so hard in my life, and I couldn’t seem to stop. I turned and put my head on Jeff’s chest. My side was killing me, but I didn’t even care.

“I lost our baby, Jeff. Oh my god...I couldn’t even take care of her. I lost our baby…I’m so sorry.”

Jeff held me and just kept repeating over and over, “It’s not your fault, baby. It’s not your fault.”

I continued to cry on his chest.

“Ari, I love you so much. This isn’t your fault, baby, so please don’t cry. We can try in a couple of months to have another baby.”

I pulled back and looked up at him. I started to shake my head. There’s no way I can do this again. What if I lose the next baby? What if I’m not meant to have kids?

“Stop. Stop this right now, Ari. I know what you’re thinking. This was an accident, and that’s all. It was not your fault or my fault. It just wasn’t meant to be yet, baby.”

I put my head back on his chest and tried to calm myself down. We’ll get through this together. We can make it through this.

***

The moment I got into Jeff’s truck, I smelled her perfume, and I almost threw up. I knew he brought her to the hospital, I knew he stayed with her while the baby was born, and I knew the baby wasn’t his. So why am I so pissed off at him all of a sudden?

He jumped in the front seat and must have noticed it, too. He rolled the back windows down. “Do you want to stop anywhere to eat before we head back to Mason?”

I just wanted to get home I shook my head. “No, let’s just go home.”

Jeff handed me his cell phone and said that Ellie wanted me to call her.

“Hey, Ells, how did last night go? Did y’all have fun?”

“Fuck no, I didn’t have fun. Heather got trashed, Josh got trashed, and they were both hanging all over other people on the dance floor. It was a mess. I ended up having to drive Josh’s truck back to y’all’s place. Lynda begged Josh to let her stay with him, but thankfully he wasn’t that drunk. I’m pretty sure Heather would have killed him if he did that.”

“Um, I’m pretty sure I would have killed him if he did that in my house! What the hell is going on with Josh and Heather?”

I looked over at Jeff. He rolled his eyes. I had to smile because those two reminded me of Jeff and me once upon a time.

Ellie filled me in on everything that went down between Josh and Heather. Good lord. What was wrong with those two? I was going to have to have a long talk with Heather in a few days. I wasn’t sure why she was pushing Josh away when everyone knew she cared for him.

***

Jeff and I drove in silence for most of the way before I started to fall asleep. I finally stopped fighting my weariness as I drifted off to sleep.

I had a dream that Jeff and I were walking along the river. Holding hands, we were swinging a little boy between us. We were laughing, but then I stopped laughing when I saw a little girl standing in front of me. She looked so sad, and I asked her what was wrong.

“You let me go.”

She turned and started to walk away from me. I yelled for her over and over again to stop. I started to run, but then fell. I was holding onto my stomach. Oh my god…the pain is unbearable.

Then I heard Jeff.

“Ari, baby, wake up. Ari...wake up.”

My eyes flew open, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I looked around; we were stopped and parked outside of our house. I needed out of the truck now.

“I have to get out. I can’t breathe, Jeff!”

The next thing I knew, the door to the truck was open, and Jeff was carrying me out, heading up the stairs to the porch. He opened the door to find Josh and Heather standing there, looking at us. I took one look at Heather and could tell she was very upset.

“Heather, what’s wrong? “ I asked.

Jeff carried me right by the two of them. As we headed into our room, I turned around to see her following us.

“Heather, can you pull the covers down for me?” Jeff asked as he walked me around to the other side of the bed.

“Really, Jeff, I’m fine. You can put me down, baby. I’m fine.”

Jeff slowly started to set me down on the bed. My ribs were killing me and I tried so hard to not show how badly I was hurting.

“Ari, do you want me to make you some tea?” Heather asked, looking from me back up to Jeff.

“Oh, thank you, Heather. Then, will you please sit with me for a bit so we can talk?” I looked at Jeff and tried to let him know that I wanted to be alone with Heather for a bit.

“If you got this, Heather, I think I’ll go check on the horses,” Jeff said. Leaning down, he kissed me and then moved his mouth over to my ear. “I love you so much. Rest, baby. Don’t get upset okay?” he whispered.

I nodded. “I love you, too.”

I heard Heather in the kitchen. She was talking to someone, but I couldn’t tell who it was. I slowly started to get up to make my way to the bathroom. I stopped by my dresser and grabbed a pair of sweats and a Longhorn T-shirt. Ugh, I felt like shit. I decided a shower was just what I needed.

***

When I stepped out of the shower, I saw Grace standing there, waiting for me. She gave me the sweetest smile and my heart melted. I was so happy that Ellie had Grace in her life now. She needed a mother figure, and Gunner’s mom just seemed to love Ellie.

Heather was sitting on the bed, looking at me. I could tell she’d been crying. She looked like shit.

“Um, I just decided that I needed a shower,” I said.

Grace walked up and took my arm and guided me back over to the bed. Passing by the sink, she grabbed my hair brush.

“Come on, baby girl. Let’s get you off your feet. You need to not push yourself too much for the first few days. The more you relax, the better it will be. It will get easier, Ari. The pain will go away…well, not all the way, but it will dull.”

I looked over at Grace and gave her a weak smile. I didn’t want to be cold-hearted, but I just wanted to tell her that she had no idea how I was feeling.

“You can say it, Arianna.”

I looked at her, shocked. “Say what?”

“I know you want to ask me how I know that the pain will go away or maybe how I even have the right to tell you that it will get easier.”

I glanced over at Heather, who was looking at Grace with the same shocked look on her face that I was sure I had.

I had to clear my throat to get the question out. “You’ve lost a baby before?”

Grace lowered her head and then looked back up at me. “Yes.”

“Oh, Grace, I’m so sorry.” Heather and I both said at the same time.

Grace let out a little laugh and then reached for Heather’s hand. Pulling her over to sit down next to us.

“I was twenty-one and four months pregnant. Drew’s dad was out in the field for a few weeks. I woke up with a terrible pain in my stomach. I didn’t have anyone to call. My mother and father disowned me after I went off and married Drew’s dad. I tried to just push on for most of the day. Gunner was just barely over one at the time. But when I saw the blood...”

Oh. My. God. I couldn’t imagine carrying your child for four months, and then...

“Grace, I’m so sorry. That must have been terrible for you,” I said.

Grace let out a sigh and wiped the tears from her face. “Ari, it doesn’t matter if you’re a few weeks pregnant or a few months pregnant; the loss is still the same. You have every right to grieve and miss that child. You will never forget her, and your mind will wonder and think about what might have been. But you will move on, and you will find that joy again. I promise you, sweetheart. You will find that joy again.”

Grace leaned over and kissed me on the check. Then, she turned to look at Heather. Heather smiled at her, and Grace placed her hand on the side of Heather’s cheek.

“I could never replace your mother, Heather, but I’ll always be here for you. If you ever need to talk or to cry or to just ask why men are such assholes at times, I’m your girl.”

Heather and I both laughed. I loved Grace already. I knew Ellie didn’t want Grace to leave, and now, neither did I. Leaning over, Heather hugged Grace and whispered something in her ear.

“I’ll leave you two girls alone now to chat. Ari, I made up some chicken and dumplings for y’all. I wasn’t sure, Heather, how long you and Josh were staying, so I made plenty for all of y’all. Ellie told me to tell you she’ll be over in a few hours. She’s helping Gunner and his dad with the cows today. I love how that girl is not afraid to get down and dirty with the boys.”

I smiled at Grace and agreed. I wanted to see Ellie so damn bad. I needed to see her. Just the sound of her voice calmed me down and helped me to relax.

After Grace was gone, I looked over at Heather. She attempted to give me a pitiful-ass smile. She moved to the other side of the bed to give me more room to sit back and put my legs out.

“Do you need anything, sweets? Want me to make you something to eat?”

I shook my head. “What happened?”

“What do you mean? What happened with what?” Heather almost had a panicked look on her face.

“You...Josh…something happened. I can see it on both of your faces. I could tell that Jeff and I walked in on something.” I gave her a knowing look.

“Ari, it doesn’t matter. What happened is over. I can’t do anything about it now, so there’s no use in talking about it. Really, I’m just ready to move on.”

“Really? Because the look in your eyes says you are far from ready to move on, Heather. Please tell me. It will take my mind off of the bab.” I stopped myself, looking away before I started to cry again.

“Oh, Ari. Sweets, maybe we should talk about the baby.”

“No! I don’t want to talk about it right now. Just tell me what the fuck happened between you and Josh.”

Heather let out a sigh and sat down on the bed.

***

By the time she got me up to speed, I was sitting there in shock.

“Wait, let me get this straight. You almost slept with Josh?”

“I wanted to, yes, but he wasn’t having any of it. Then, Garrett just came barging into your house, and all hopes of anything happening went right out the door. Y’all really need to keep your doors locked...like all the time.”

I laughed, holding onto my side. Shit! “So last night, he went after the guy who started to kiss you? Sounds to me like Josh is not so ready to move on, Heather. I don’t think you are either.”

“Well, I am. It’s pretty clear to me, Ari, that he’s not ever going to change. I mean, he was making out with me when he’d, just sent Lynda a message about hooking up with her! What does that say about him?

“Maybe he was frustrated, trying to move on, but he did it in all the wrong ways.”

“Are you taking his side?”

“No! I’m not taking anyone’s side, Heather. I’m just saying that he’s a guy. They don’t think with their heads; they think with their dicks. I don’t doubt that Josh cares about you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He would do anything for you, you know that right?”

Heather’s eyes started to tear up. “I can’t trust him, Ari. As much as I try, I just can’t trust him. What is it about me that would make him settle for just one girl? I mean, look at him!”

“What? Heather, oh my god, girl, look in a damn mirror. You are beautiful. You have a rocking body, tits I would kill for, an ass that Ellie wants more than anything, and your personality is beyond amazing. Josh would be lucky to have you, and he knows that. Why are you selling yourself short?”

“I just can’t. I can’t open up my heart up to have him leave me. I can’t be left again, Ari. I can’t and I won’t allow that to happen.” Heather’s whole body started to shake.

Oh my god, she is so not over her parents’ death. She’s nowhere near it.

“Heather, what makes you think he’s going to leave you, baby?”

“Everyone leaves me. My parents left me. I needed them more than anything, and they just left me alone. I can’t do that again. He’s going to leave me, Ari. He won’t be faithful.”

Heather lost it and started crying. I’d never seen her cry so hard. I tried to get up and hug her, but the pain that shot through my side just about made me fall.

Then, I heard Ellie let out a gasp.

“Ari, don’t move! Heather, oh my god, sweets. What’s wrong?”

Ellie came rushing over to my side and helped me back into a sitting position on the bed. I couldn’t take my eyes off of Heather. It was like she was having a breakdown. Finally, she’s letting out the pain and hurt from her parents’ death.

“Just go help Heather, Ells, I’m fine.”

Ellie walked over and dropped to her knees in front of Heather and hugged her. I didn’t think it was possible, but Heather cried even harder. My heart was breaking. She was so afraid of being left again that, she wouldn’t open her heart to the one man who loved her.

Ellie rubbed her back. “It’s okay, baby. Just let it out, Heather. It’s okay.”

“I can’t do this, Ellie! I can’t do this alone anymore. They left me. Oh my god, they left me alone.”

Ellie looked over at me and I could see the tears rolling down her face. I tried to fight the tears, but I felt them stinging my eyes. Heather had been trying to be so brave for so long. It broke my heart to realize that she’d been feeling like this for over a year.

I looked up and saw Jeff and Josh standing in the bedroom doorway.

Heather just kept repeating herself over and over again. “They left me. They left me alone.”

Josh looked like he was about to get sick. He started to walk toward her, but Jeff grabbed his arm,pulling him away.

“Princess, what’s wrong?”

Oh shit. The moment Josh called her princess, Ellie and I glanced at each other. Heather looked up at him. I thought she was going to lash out at him. Instead, she broke down, crying again, as she got up and ran into Josh’s arms.

What the hell?

Josh looked just as confused as the rest of us. He held on to her. “What’s wrong? he kept asking.

She pulled away from him and took a few steps back.

“I’ll always love you, Josh, but…I just can’t do this.”

She brushed past him as she went out the door. Josh just stood there for a few seconds before he finally snapped out of it. He turned and ran after her.

Ellie got up and walked over to my side. She leaned down and kissed me on the cheek.

“You okay, baby? Do you need to talk?”

If one more person asks me that, I’m going to throw something big and heavy at his or her ass.

“Really, I’m fine. I think I just need to take a nap.” I looked over at Jeff and smiled.

Ellie gently hugged me good-bye. “Okay. Um, Grace said she made some stuff for dinner. I guess I’ll go see if Heather is okay. I love you, Ari. Call me if you need anything okay?”

She walked over to Jeff.

“Are you okay, Jefferson?”

I couldn’t pull my eyes away from his. He didn’t even look at Ellie when he shook his head. My heart broke. I could see the tears building in his eyes, and I knew he was blaming himself. A part of me blamed his as well, but I was trying so hard to push it down.

Jeff smiled at me and then turned to Ellie. “Ellie, can I talk to you for a minute?” Then, he followed Ellie out of the room.

I closed my eyes as the tears rolled down my face. I slowly moved onto my side and grabbed a pillow to hug.