Текст книги "The Song Remains the Same"

Автор книги: Kelli Jean

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Текущая страница: 27 (всего у книги 28 страниц)

“Why didn’t you just go for it?” I asked.

“Because…I guess I just wanted him to have the freedom to have fun without having to justify it to me. He dated other chicks while he was there, you know? I was okay with that even though I never…not until X anyway.”

“That’s why Connor stopped calling back then. It was because he was mad at you,” I said.

Alys nodded. “I tried so hard to get in touch with him. The more interest X showed, the harder I tried to get Connor to listen to me. I texted him, called him, fucking emailed the son of a bitch—no offense to Gloria. But he dropped me like a bad habit, and then…I fell for X, too.”

“Too?” piped Lili.

“When Connor came back, it was so weird because he was suddenly interested again, and that pissed me off to no end. I told him he could kiss my ass. He’d spent months ignoring me. Then, they wanted him in the band, and I knew I was in deep shit.”

“Why though? Did X know about you two?” I asked.

Alys went from flushed to fry-an-egg. “Yeah. And…”

“And what?” Lili gasped.

“After Connor joined the band, I confessed to X that I’d slept with Connor, and X was fine with that. He said he had a feeling we were close. Then, things got easier between Connor and me. We were able to hang out, and X loved him to bits. Then, one night—”

“Shut the fuck up!” squealed Lili.

“We were just hanging out at our place. It was when Connor had moved back in. Lili practically lived with Lewis, and X…wanted to have a threesome.”

“Really?” I asked. “Well, I guess it isn’t so weird.”

“No. He and Jace used to pound Sheri—”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” groaned Lili, rolling her eyes up to the ceiling.

“And since I loved them both and had already slept with both of them…I did it. We did it. Afterward, X told me he was bi.”

That did surprise me. “Come again?”

“X boinked dudes?” asked Lili.

Alys nodded. “It didn’t bother me. He told me he had no problem being with only me for the rest of his life, but he liked watching me with Connor, and—”

“Which of them took it up the ass?” asked Lili. “Was it both?”

Alys heaved a sigh. “Connor wasn’t okay with having a dude up his ass.”

“Connor boinked X?” squeaked Lili.

“Please, you can’t say anything to anyone!” she begged Lili.

“Who would I tell?” demanded Lili.

“Lewis?” Alys ventured a guess.

“The guys knew?” I asked.

“Not about me, Connor, and X, but they knew that X swung both ways. They didn’t care. He told them when they were really young, like thirteen or fourteen.”

“I’m not attracted to dudes. At all. I know some guys who’d surprise you to know that they are though.” The memory of Phil’s voice echoed through my head.

“So, what’s it like, having one in each hole?” chimed Lili’s voice, bringing me back into the present.

Alys wiped a few stray tears off her cheeks. “Intense at first, but you get used to it.”

Lili pulled an impressed face. “Huh. You’re kind of a slut now, Alys.”

“I know.” She heaved a sigh. “I’ve only fucked two guys. Granted, I had them at the same time—”

“Whatever. If you guys were in a three-way sort of deal, why did you go and marry X? You know Connor was crushed,” said Lili.

“Because I thought Connor had moved on. He brought that chick on the bus and started fucking all sorts of skanks. I know X was bummed by Connor’s sudden need to live the rock-star life because I think X really wanted both of us.”

“Did they make out and let you watch?”

“Jeez, Lili. Collecting for your spank bank?” I snapped.

“Maybe. Alys, you were boinked by two gingers at once. Did they suck out your soul to compensate for their lack of one between the two of them?”

“It’s possible. In a way, I needed Connor out of the picture. As much as I’m in love with him—”

“Still?” I asked softly.

Alys swallowed thickly. “Always. It’s always been Connor. But I made a commitment to X, and I loved him, too. And now…I’m glad I did. He wanted a family. He wanted to have all of that with me, and I’m glad I was able to have what I had with him.”

“Me, too,” I told her.

“Me three,” said Lili. “As wack as that was, he loved you, Alys. You lit up his life for a year and a half. X adored you almost as much as Phil adores Kenna.”

“Yeah…that’s a whole different level, isn’t it?” Alys sighed.

“So, what do you plan to do now?” I asked.

Alys shrugged. “Now that the two of you know, I was thinking of telling Connor that I still have feelings for him. I know I still need time. I can’t just bury the man I married—”

“You wore him nicely enough,” drawled Lili.

“And then jump into something with Connor. If Connor can give me some more time to get over X and what we had, then…I’d like to have a relationship with him. I’ve always loved him, more than anyone.”

I nodded.

“Is Connor bi then?” asked Lili.

“No,” replied Alys. “I think he was just really open-minded and wanted—”

“You,” I said. “He wanted you, and he wanted to make you happy. So, he did what he had to, so he could be a part of your life in that way.”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Rock stars.” Lili snorted. “Kenna, Da was right. Musicians are the worst!”

Phil

Living with a life-coaching team for ten weeks had helped me locate the man I needed to be. It had taken a lot of effort and a lot of physical and mental exercise to figure it out, but I was already that man. He had always been within me.

This was the man Kenna saw when she looked at me. “When I see him—that loyal, kindhearted, generous man—all your good looks don’t matter because he blinds me to everything else.”

That was the man who hugged David, Gustav, and Wendy good-bye. He was the one who signed the paperwork as he was leaving with his brothers from The Gentle Oak Rehabilitation Center for the airport.

Deep down, I had always been this man. Now that I knew that, I’d found the greatest sense of peace. My Baby Girl was right. I’d needed to find myself, so I could be half of the greatest whole in my universe.

With my cell phone now available to me, I did what any man in my situation would do. I called my woman.

It went straight to voice mail.

“She turned off her phone a few weeks ago,” Connor told me, busting me on my fourth attempt. “She calls Da every few days to let him know she’s alive. I think she’s just devoting her time to Alys and Lili.”

Couldn’t say that wasn’t a bit of a blow, but she had to do what she had to do.

“I tried to call Alys,” he admitted. “Same deal with her. Mama Sally told me they all just wanted to be left alone until they got back.”

That made me feel better, knowing Connor was up shit creek, too.

Ass-hat. He deserved it.

Back home, it was straight to work. Siggie, who was now officially Sheri’s second-in-command, drove us home to drop off our shit and then took us to the newly rebuilt studio. The warehouse had been gutted by Katrina—damn, that was nearly a year ago?—but thanks to Siggie, the most important shit had been saved. We’d had minimal loss, and we only had to repair damages.

“We tried to get everything back the way it was,” Siggie explained. “You guys will have to replace the furniture that was lost. But all the memorabilia was saved! And personal stuff, so…”

“Wow…” Devon said, looking at the production area. “You guys really went all out on this place. It’s fucking gorgeous.”

“Too fuckin’ right,” I agreed.

“Wait till you see the jam-out area!” said Flipper. “Magic happens there.”

Connor smiled, and all I could think of was when Koko had gone loco and tried to make out with me there. The Space Monkeys were doing great. They were on a world tour with some serious headliners. They were gonna be coming back sometime later this year to record their next album. I was looking forward to working with those cats again.

“I guess I should start looking for places to live in New Orleans,” remarked Devon.

“It wouldn’t hurt,” Jason told him. “You can stay with us in the meantime—”

“Shit, Jace, do we live on a hippie commune?” I asked, exasperated.

“Ask Connor. He’d know about that sort of shit better than I would.”

“I didn’t know what you guys wanted to do with X’s office,” Sheri said quietly. “Or Tim’s.”

“You get Tim’s office, and Devon gets X’s,” I replied. “Or vice versa. I don’t think it matters to either of them.”

We’d made Sheri our manager. The woman did more for us than anyone, and with Siggie as her backup here at the studio, NOLA’s Own would be a well-oiled machine.

After we had checked everything out, we jumped back into the van, and Siggie drove us to Bougainvillea. My heart, she ached at the old familiar sight.

The outside looked the same—old and fuckin’ haunted, as it should. But the inside had been overhauled with new floors, and the old stained wooden walls had been replaced with wallboard and painted in dark grays and accent colors. The main bar on the ground floor was brand-new and way more functional, and the restrooms had been gutted. The VIP area was now a fuckin’ VIP area—top of the line, meant to serve the elite who would be flying in to check out the music scene from now on.

For the next two days, NOLA’s Own busted ass. We had our set ready to go. It had been a long time since we took the stage, and I was a little nervous. We were something else now, and we had to find our place all over again. It was weird and exciting.

The second day back from rehab was the Fourth of July. We stopped working long enough to go over to Dad’s and have a barbeque.

While watching the fireworks shoot off with my little niece on my lap, my heart broke for the baby I’d never get to hold. I’d thought a lot about our Little Zephyr. It would’ve been a girl. I just knew it somehow. She’d have had red hair, and her laugh would have sounded like the laughter of a little box of sunshine I’d met once. I’d have worshiped her as I had that other little girl. She’d have had me wrapped around her tiny finger, and I would’ve laid the world at her feet.

I need my Baby Girl. I might be a whole man, but I’m only half a soul.

One more fuckin’ day.

Hot, sunny beautiful Louisiana.

It was good to be back in my own bed. It wasn’t home without my Baby Girl, but I was back. I was more excited to see Kenna again than I was for the show tonight.

After we’d gotten home from Dad’s last night, Da had called Connor to let us know that Kenna, Alys, and Lili would be arriving sometime in the afternoon.

Rolling over, I grabbed her pillow and hugged it tight, wishing it were her. It no longer smelled like her hair. She’d been gone too long for that. But she loved this pillow ’cause it was fat and squishy, and I loved it ’cause it was hers.

While I’d been in rehab, my sister and Dad had brought back all my furniture from storage, and they’d gotten rid of the fuckin’ gimp bed in the living room. Climbing the stairs to our room, I’d felt like I’d truly accomplished something.

I still had to be careful because I had a slight limp, but all was going good in that department. My pelvis was fused and ready to go, and I was gonna put that shit to use the second Baby Girl gave me the green light. Just thinking about it made me so fuckin’ hard and heavy.

My hand slipped between my legs…I breathed her name…the memory of her laughter…

Well, the sheets needed a cleaning now.

Heading downstairs after a shower, I met the guys in the big kitchen, and seeing them all gave me a rush of pride. We were all in this and Devon, too. That shit was just surreal to me.

As I sat down at the island with a cup of coffee, my phone buzzed in my pocket. Pulling it out, I had a text message…and my heart ceased to beat for a split second.

Baby Girl: I seem to have misplaced my other half. Have you seen him?

“Oh, Baby…” I whispered, blinking back the burn behind my lids.

Devon gave me a sharp look, so I glared back at him.

Me: He’s right here, waiting for his other half.

Baby Girl: Plane leaves in less than ten minutes. I have to turn off my phone. I love you.

My heart…she was full.

Kenna

Our flight from London to New York had gone off without a hitch, but our connecting flight to New Orleans ended up being delayed by more than two hours. We were exhausted, cranky, and just ready to go home. I was simply finished. I wanted Phil, damn it, and now, I wouldn’t be able to see him before they went on stage. We were going to miss part of their set.

“This blows,” huffed Alys, flopping back into the seat in the first-class lounge.

We’d been waiting for this day to hurry up and arrive, and now…it was just stretching on that much longer. Pulling out my phone, I switched it on and decided to text Phil and let him know. For some reason, I was afraid to hear his voice.

I wanted to hear it in person. I needed to feel it.

Me: Connecting flight delayed. We won’t make it until after you guys go on stage. I’m sorry.

A few minutes later, he replied.

Madman Fiancé: As long as I can hold you tonight, I don’t care. I need my Baby Girl.

Me: Your Baby Girl needs you, too. ♥

“Have you spoken to Lewis at all?” I asked Lili, tucking my phone back into my pocket.

She shook her head. “I’ll turn my phone on when we get back home.”

“Do you want to end it with him?” asked Alys.

Lili’s bottom lip quivered, alarming me. “No. But I think I might have taken it too far.”

“I doubt it,” I told her. “Is it really so bad that you’d sacrifice your relationship with him?”

Tears spilled over, her black irises swimming. “It might be too late to change my mind.”

Since we were back on native soil, it was time for the three of us to address the crap we had ignored while on our holiday. Reality had come back and was smacking us in the face.

“Whatever happens now, one thing will never change,” said Alys, stirring her double latte.

“What’s that?” asked Lili.

“Us. We will always have each other. At least we know that, right?”

I smiled, and so did Lili.

“Yeah,” I said.

Siggie picked up Alys, Lili, and me from the airport once we’d reached New Orleans. The poor woman looked as exhausted as we did. Meeting us at baggage claim, she smiled warmly and gave us each a hug before ushering us out to the parking lot.

“The guys go on in ten minutes,” she told us, helping us carry our luggage. “I think Phil was trying to hold off the set, but they really can’t by much. So many people have flown in to see them. There’s more than five hundred guests there.”

“Damn!” said Lili.

As we approached the van, the sliding door opened, surprising us all but Siggie. With a massive bouquet in his arms, Lewis emerged, his eyes locked on Lili. The look he gave her had the power to melt all four of us into the concrete.

“What are you doing here?” Lili asked, stunned.

Walking up to her, Lewis crushed her tiny self into his chest. “Woman…don’t you ever do this to me again!”

“Look, I hate to break up this love-fest,” I said, tossing my crap into the van, “but I haven’t seen my man in almost three fucking months, and I haven’t spoken to him in two. Can we get a fucking move on?”

In less than two minutes, we were pulling out of the parking garage, and Siggie was hauling ass to Bougainvillea. Alys sat next to me, clutching my hand, while Lili and Lewis sucked face in the bench seat farthest back.

With each passing second, I grew more anxious. My heart, he raced. My palms were seriously damp, and my energy was barely contained. The urge to bounce around suffused me, and it was all I could do to keep my brain from freaking the fuck out.

Normally, it’d take about twenty minutes to get to Bougainvillea from the airport. We’d made it in thirteen. Screeching the van to a halt at the front door, Siggie threw it into park, and I exploded out of it like a bat out of hell.

Music was blasting through the open door, and I knew it by heart. I could sing every word. “Along the River Stones.”

Security immediately detained me. “Miss, this is invite only,” said the thickly built bouncer.

“Kevin!” shouted Siggie, hopping out of the driver’s side. “That’s fucking Baby Girl!”

“Oh, my bad!” he said, stepping to the side.

As I raced inside, my heart was stuck in my throat. It wasn’t going to be easy to shove my way up to the front. I heard Phil’s voice. It was clearer and more powerful than ever, and it reached deep within me, spreading to all parts of me, physical and otherwise.

I stopped fighting to get around people, and I closed my eyes as I just…listened.

Always, this voice speaks to my soul. He touched my heart with it the moment he opened his mouth all those years ago. He claimed me then. It never mattered what he looked like. I would have loved him no matter what because his voice is my own somehow.

The music was spot-on, richer and more complex, and Phil’s voice carried it to all corners of my universe. Someone tugged on my hand. Siggie was pulling me along the side of the wall toward the backstage entrance.

My first look at Phil shocked me. My jaw dropped to the damn floor. He’d chopped all his hair off. It looked as though he had shaven his head, and it was now grown out and a bit wild-looking. He was fucking gorgeous, looking so healthy. He was still leaner than I was used to, but he’d put on some weight again. And he was rockin’ a good-sized beard, too.

Most of all, he looked like a man who knew himself, strong from the inside out.

Before me, Phil dazzled with an aura of pure masculine confidence, a contentedness that was palpable. I wanted to go all parasitical and latch on to him.

“Come on,” said Siggie, taking my hand and lacing our fingers, tugging me toward the backstage area.

I pulled back.

“I need to be here,” I told her.

From this vantage point, I could see all of them from the shadows without too many heads obstructing my view.

“Okay,” she replied, standing by me. Siggie understood.

It was hard not to cry. My throat worked tirelessly to hold the knot of tears at bay. Alys and Lili caught up to us.

Silently, Alys wept.

Connor on bass was poetry in motion.

Devon and Jason, both so different in style, harmonized and complemented one another in the most beautifully bizarre way possible. Together, they made sense.

As they finished “The Fortunate Fallen,” which had reduced people to tears, Phil pulled out a stool and sat down in the center of the stage, mic stand in hand. The rest of the guys wandered off, and the lights around Phil dimmed until only the spotlight remained. He placed the stand in front of him.

“A lot has happened these past five or six months,” said Phil.

Shit, he looked beyond beautiful in his dark green Dickies and white Misfits shirt.

“We went through some shit, as you all know. We lost a brother, the man who had founded this band. Without X, there’d never have been NOLA’s Junk.”

Phil took a deep breath and then another. He was struggling not to cry.

“When X died, he took a piece of all of us with him. He had been my best friend since I was seven years old, and imaginin’ life without him from now on is a hard pill to swallow. I lost my shit for a while there. I hurt…I hurt a lot of people in the few weeks after he’d passed on, and he wouldn’t be too proud of me for that.

“But after some serious soul-searchin’, I woke up and fuckin’ realized that X didn’t want his brothers givin’ up our dream simply ’cause he couldn’t be here to live it with us. The thing is though…we ain’t NOLA’s Junk without X. To continue on without him as such would feel like a lie.

“So, we called on our brother from another mother, Devon GianFranco. I’m sure y’all know who that fuckin’ six-stringed genius is. And we’ve got somethin’ other goin’ on now. Somethin’ we hope you all can get on board with and support.”

By this time, the audience was whistling and cheering, and the rest of the guys came out with stools that they situated around Phil. Flipper clutched a tambourine; Devon, a sitar; Jason, an acoustic; and Connor…a pair of maracas.

“Everyone,” said Phil, “it is my great pleasure to introduce you all to NOLA’s Own. You’ve heard a bit of our new stuff already, and we’ve got one more for you that the five of us felt needed to be saved for last.”

Flipper rattled the tambourine, and Jason gracefully flicked his wrist down, strumming a sweet string of chords.

Leaning forward into the mic once more, Phil softly told us all, “This is ‘An Ode to Zephyr.’”

“Oh…” I breathed. My soul swelled within me, threatening to burst free.

Jason created the platform for Devon’s sultry lullaby of a melody. Connor and Flipper kept a soft, warm beat.

“My Other Half…” Phil’s voice, smooth and chocolate-rich deep, seeped into my blood and set fire through my veins. “She completes me in ways I did not foresee…”

Connor’s voice joined Phil’s in an undercurrent, repeating, “She completes me…”

“Never have I known she’d be the Light that guides,” sang Phil, his voice clear and strong.

Devon joined in now, “She completes me…”

“Or the Voice of Reason in my mind,” Phil continued.

Jason’s voice joined the others, creating a swell of ranges and notes with the most wonderful words ever written. They were my words, words Phil had given to me, and they’d created a song with them that left my spirit in a state of true bliss.

Slowly, the instruments faded out until only Connor was giving the occasional shake of the maracas. Then, their five voices sang a cappella, creating a chorus of wonderment.

My feet moved by themselves, my brain not yet caught up to the rest of my body. How could it? My soul was dancing like a dirty hippie around here somewhere.

Siggie must have realized my intent because she started pushing people out of my way. Some of them knew who I was because they happily parted and created a path to the barricade.

Phil had his eyes closed as he sang his heart out. I watched only him as the rest of the world fell away, leaving me worshiping my Dark God of the Universe.

The last few lines brought all of them chanting together, reminding me of monks and mantras. The sound reverberated through my entire self—body, mind, spirit. This spell was the greatest, most powerful one I had ever experienced.

The four voices enhancing Phil’s faded into silence, and his voice spilled forth like warm liquid love.

“We’ll come full circle, she and I…once more to begin anew.” Slowly, Phil opened his eyes. Staring straight at me, his eyes filled with tears, and his chest swelled with a huge breath.

I couldn’t believe there was a time when I could hardly look into his eyes. He’d overwhelmed me, scared me even. Not anymore. I wasn’t afraid of who he was or what he felt. He was inside me, too. Those feelings, that intensity—it was in my heart forever now.

Around us, the word erupted into ear-piercing whistles, screams, and cheers, but he and I were deaf to all of it.

Moving the mic stand to the side, he stood and made his way to the edge of the stage. The old Phil would have simply stepped off, dropping to his feet, strong legs supporting his weight. But not this time. Sinking to his knees, he lowered himself to the floor beside the stage so as not to cause further injury. However, he launched himself over the barricade and landed solidly on his right leg. With only the slightest limp, he made his way to me.

“Baby Girl,” he said softly.

“Close your eyes,” I said.

Without hesitation, he did so. The heat of his body hit me with a wall of pure spice-scented warmth.

Reaching out with my right hand, I took his left hand and slipped the DiAblo onto his ring finger. “Don’t ever take it off again,” I said. “Only you can wear this, whoever you think you might be. You are my other half, my whole life, no matter what.”

His arms slipped around my back, his hands sliding up over my shoulder blades and neck to cradle the back of my head. He pulled me into him, my legs between his, and our bodies were flush from groin to chest. Without opening his eyes, he lowered his head and stole my mouth in a kiss that would normally mortify me to display in public—hot, wet, and tongue-suckingly terrific. His fingertips dug into my scalp, pressing into the scar tissue hidden by the recent hair growth.

In surprise, he pulled back and stared down into my eyes. “Your hair!”

Laughing because I couldn’t care less—I’m in his arms, for fuck’s sake!—I said, “Me? What about your hair?”

His fingers stroked over the thick scar tissue, and then there was a dawning in his eyes, horrified and shining.

“It’s done with, babe,” I told him. “Over. We can talk about it later, okay?”

He pressed his Third Eye to mine, filling me with his joy, his love, and his devotion. Our combined excitement at just being together once more glowed around us, a brilliant aurora.

“Never again,” he whispered. “I don’t want to live if you’re not with me, Baby Girl.”

“Me neither.”

“I love you. Fuck, I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” I replied, my throat closing around my voice, straining my words.

Kissing my Third Eye, he sucked in a sharp breath through his nose. “I gotta…”

“Go.” I laughed.

Looking down into my eyes, he said, “Don’t go anywhere.”

“Not without you.”