Текст книги "The Song Remains the Same"

Автор книги: Kelli Jean

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 14 (всего у книги 28 страниц)

From Houston to Dallas, from Dallas to St. Louis, from St. Louis to Chicago, then to Milwaukee, and to Des Moines before Denver…such had been life on the road.

I’d kept busy with giving people treatments, working with Lewis on the cookbook, and doing fucking laundry. The situation had been made easier, in more ways than one, with the addition of Quinn.

At least the girl wasn’t loud in the sack. She would keep the bus clean as a way of earning her place. Either that, or she was a total head case about hygiene. The woman would scrub the bathroom down on a daily basis, so the head-case thing might actually be a viable deduction.

Over the weeks, I had seen Brigid less and less. She was now fully a part of the Cannibals’ bandwagon. The times I had run into her, she had been nearly unrecognizable. She’d looked exhausted, rundown, and used.

The tour bus pulled into the campgrounds for the Seattle venue, and Devon’s bus pulled into the space right next to ours.

He and the guys had formed some bizarre alliance. After the show in New Orleans, Phil and Devon had sat down with the rest of NOLA’s Junk. They’d laid everything out there, and the guys had welcomed Devon back into the fold.

Cornered Cannibal hadn’t shown up yet. It was in the best interests of everyone involved to pretend there wasn’t anything going on between NOLA’s Junk and Devon GianFranco.

Lewis and I made a huge breakfast after the bus had parked.

“Why don’t we bring some food over to Devon?” I asked Phil as we finished.

Phil smiled sweetly. “Sure.”

I piled a Tupperware full of scrambled eggs, bacon, waffles, and fruit salad, and then we headed over to Devon’s bus. Phil draped his arm around my shoulders and knocked on the door.

There was the sound of scuffling and laughter, and then a mussed-up Devon answered the door. Minus a shirt and shoes, he stood there with his jeans unbuttoned.

Button fly. Nice.

Pervert that I was, my eyes zeroed in on his black happy trail and followed that sucker into his pants. Since it was a cloudy day, I’d left my sunglasses on the bus, and both Devon and Phil busted me.

“Woman!” barked Phil. The hand attached to the arm draped around my shoulders came up and clapped over my eyes. “Dude! What the fuck?” he snapped at Devon.

The sound of a woman giggling came from inside the bus.

I smirked. “Knock it off, Phil.”

“You were totally checkin’ his ass out!”

“I don’t think it was my ass she was looking at, man.”

Snorting with laughter, I wiggled out of Phil’s blindfold. “We brought you some breakfast.”

Devon, under the evil glare of Phil, hastily buttoned up his jeans, and a redhead tripped off the bus.

“Thanks for the, um…ride, Devon.”

Devon’s pretty face split into a smile as I handed him the Tupperware. “Anytime, Sophie.”

Sophie was a fucking knockout. Even Phil did a double take, which I chose to ignore since I had totally been checking out Devon, and then he craned his neck to watch her sweet rear end walk away.

“Still ain’t as awesome as yours,” he said to me as she turned behind the crew bus and disappeared from view.

“True,” said Devon, giving me a wink and a smirk.

“Fuck you, douche!” Phil hissed, snatching back the Tupperware. “You can fuckin’ starve!”

I took the Tupperware out of his hands and handed it back to Devon.

“You guys want to come in for some coffee?”

“Sure,” I replied.

“No,” snapped Phil.

We headed into Devon’s bus, and Phil sniffed the air as Devon opened the coffee canister.

“Fuckin’ stinks of sex and shame in here,” he grunted.

“Pfft. Can’t imagine what your bus stinks of then.”

“Weed and sex. No shame,” Phil promptly answered.

Devon and I cracked up. He placed three mugs of coffee on the table and sat down across from us, digging into his breakfast.

“Fuck, this is good,” he grunted, eloquent European leaving in the face of decent food.

“Don’t get used to it,” grumped Phil. “Can’t you put on a shirt or somethin’?”

“I’m in my own fucking bus! I’ll not wear whatever the fuck I want!”

“There’s a fuckin’ woman here!”

“I know! And she’s the only one not giving a fuck!”

I had to bite my lip to try to keep the smile off my face. Phil busted me and scowled.

“What?” I snapped at him.

“Quit starin’ at him.”

“I wasn’t.”

“Were.”

“Wasn’t.”

“Were.”

“Shit, are you two always like this?” Devon asked.

“Yes,” I replied.

“No,” grumped Phil.

“You two must have some pretty awesome sex.”

“Yes,” Phil and I replied in unison.

“At least that’s working out for you.” Devon laughed. “Still set up at the Fairmont?”

“Yeah. Where are the Cannibals staying?”

“Last I heard, they were gonna head straight to Portland and stay there until the next show.”

“Sweet. We won’t have to see those fuckers at all. You stayin’ with us then?”

Devon nodded. “Better company and all that. I’m worried about Brigid though.”

My stomach knotted at the sound of that woman’s name, but Devon couldn’t tell it bugged me. Phil, on the other hand, gently squeezed my thigh, letting me know he knew I was uncomfortable.

“How come?” asked Phil.

“I think she’s using again. She looks like shit when she’s allowed out of the bus—”

“Allowed?” I raged. “She needs permission to leave the fucking bus?”

Devon nodded again, chewing a hefty mouthful of waffle. Taking a sip of coffee, he then elaborated, “Yeah. She’s on the bottom of the totem pole, so to speak, so she’s Jürgen’s little whatever he needs her to be. It’s not like this is her first time touring with me. She knew better than to get involved with them. She’s in over her head, and I don’t know what to do for her. I tried to let her know that she’s welcome to come and stay with me—just as friends, you know? But…she wouldn’t hear me. I could see it in her eyes though. I think they’re drugging her.”

“What? Like against her will?” I asked.

“No. They’re fucking evil—don’t get me wrong—but their, um…victims…they have to be willing. Legal recriminations and all that. Everyone in their entourage has to sign a disclosure agreement and contract.”

Phil nodded because, in fact, he really did know.

Then, I found myself wondering, Just how much does Phil fucking know? Did he participate with the Cannibals in their lifestyle at one point?

“So, you think she’s on heroin again?” I asked, attempting to put the raunchy images of Phil engaged in orgies out of my mind.

“Yeah. I don’t want to believe it, but…it’s the only thing I can think of that would keep her with them at this point.”

“I think she’s been using since New Orleans,” I said. “I saw her when Gordy fucked up his foot, and she looked as though she was on something. I’ve worked with addicts, and she was showing signs of recent opioid use. She started wearing long-sleeved shirts more recently, so she might be upping her dosage and going for bigger veins.”

Guilt crossed Devon’s features, and he closed his eyes.

“Hey, this ain’t your fault, man,” said Phil, dropping a huge paw on Devon’s shoulder from across the table.

“Yes, it is. I brought her here.”

“You couldn’t have predicted that this would happen,” I said. “So…what do you need from us?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you want to do an intervention? Should we kidnap her from the Cannibals?”

Devon smiled sadly. “And here I thought you hated her.”

“I’m a doctor. She’s a person in need of help. Personal feelings have nothing to do with saving a life. I’m trained and equipped to help someone go through withdrawals. I might need to get a few things, but I don’t think it’d be too much of a hassle. Just some IV fluids with minerals and vitamins.”

“That’s…that’s really nice of you.”

“I know what that does to a person, Devon. What I’ve seen addicts go through, I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, and she’s number one on that list. So…just let me know, okay?”

Phil squeezed my thigh again, and I sensed a rush of gratitude flood from him into me. He had truly cared about her, probably still did on some level. I found that it didn’t bother me so much. I was confident with our relationship, with my role in his life. Whoever Brigid had once been to him didn’t matter anymore.

“You wanna ride with us to the Fairmont?” Phil asked Devon.

“Sure.”

“Cool. We leave in about half an hour.”

“Sounds good.”

Phil looked around the bus while Devon scarfed down his breakfast. “Dude, is it only you and the driver on the bus?”

Devon shook his head. “I got a couple of roadies with me. They’re out and about somewhere. Why?”

“It’s fuckin’ quiet.”

Devon nodded. “I know. I like it.”

“I guess so, damn. Are they your guys or the Cannibals’?”

“Mine. But they get on with the rest of the crew. They’re good at not talking shit, too. Not that anything really goes on in here. I’m mostly just writing or playing.”

“Or bangin’ redheads.”

Devon grinned. “Yeah. That, too. What’s your hair color anyway, Kenna?”

Phil pushed me out of the booth. “Come on. He needs more coffee before he can be considered fuckin’ civilized.”

“So says the Ragin’ Cajun,” Devon drawled.

I laughed lightly. “Strawberry-blonde?”

“Hmm…it’s prettier than that,” he replied with a wink.

“I’m gonna stab you in the eye with your fuckin’ fork if you keep flirtin’ with my woman, GianFranco.”

Devon sighed. “I know. Just don’t touch the hands, okay?”

“Quit it!” snapped Phil.

“But she’s so cute!” cried Devon in mock misery. “I mean, look at her!”

“I’m the only one allowed to, motherfucker!”

“See you in half an hour, Devon,” I said, heading for the door.

“Sure thing, Doctor Sexy.”

Phil snagged a waffle and shoved it into Devon’s face, rubbing it in good.

“Augh!”

“You can fuckin’ walk to Fairmont, douche!”

“Phil, you’re such an ass sometimes.” I laughed as we stepped down onto the packed earth.

“I’m your ass, so get used to it,” he grumped. He huffed under his breath. “Lookin’ at you like he wanted to eat you. Only I get to eat you.”

I let out some deep-bellied laughter.

“Well, it’s true!”

“So? Like you said, only you get me, so why bother with the pissing contest?”

“Because…” he said softly as he stopped walking. We were only a few steps away from our bus. “Because he really likes you and respects you, and for Devon, that’s fuckin’ huge. The night at the House of Blues, you impressed him, and that’s on top of bein’ the type of woman he goes for.”

“So?”

“So…he’s better lookin’ than me. He’s got more talent in his little finger than all five of us combined—”

“That’s utter bullshit.”

“He’s fuckin’ loaded. And he’s got that hot-accent thing goin’ for him while he accuses me of bein’ inarticulate.”

“I like your accent better,” I said with a smile. “And the voice that backs it up—hold up. Are you insecure over Devon?”

“I know you think he’s attractive, and you were right about his face goin’ all holy at Budokan. Compared to him, I fall pretty fuckin’ short, Kenna.”

“No, you don’t. I don’t believe this. There’s no way you can honestly think I would ever choose anyone over you, Phil.”

“You get insecure. Why not me?”

“Because you’re Phil fucking Deveraux! You’ve been my hero, my fucking legend-crush, since I was sixteen years old! That’s eight years of fantasizing and one year of dating! I mean, really, you are the most beautiful, amazing, wonderful, awesome, and the sexiest guy in the history of ever. Sure, GianFranco is attractive, but you…you’re everything I’ve ever wanted. Ever. And forever,” I said, holding up my glittering ring finger. “Besides, I don’t think he’s insane enough for me.”

He cracked a smile at that. “Oh, yeah? Why do you say that?”

“I can’t picture him getting my name tattooed on him three times or getting my dental imprints on his inner thigh.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right. You need a bit of crazy in your life to make you feel balanced.”

Slipping my arms around his narrow waist, I hugged him tight. “Seriously…there’s no comparison. You gonna get nekkid for me when we get to the hotel?” I asked.

“Too fuckin’ right I am. We’re gonna sex-scream the fuckin’ walls down.”

“Yeah…you’ve got a magic dick, babe. I wouldn’t trade that for anything.”

He dropped a kiss on top of my head. “I know. After fuckin’ me, anythin’ else would have no sort of impact.”

“True. My poor crotch has been stretched to the point where any other man would think he’s pounding himself into a tube sock.”

“Oh my God,” he gasped. He busted into wheezing laughs for a few minutes. Sobering up, he grabbed my face and planted soft kisses on my lips, cheeks, and nose.

Sighing with contentment, I fully leaned into him. “You know, the physical attraction is only the tip of the iceberg between us, right?” I asked.

“Yeah. But it’s nice to hear you tell me how fuckin’ hot you think I am anyway.”

“You know you’re hot!” I laughed.

“I know I’m the lead singer of a band, and women dig that.”

“You’re so full of shit, Phil. No wonder your eyes are brown.”

As we were dropped off in front of the colonnaded façade of the Fairmont Olympic Hotel, I had another healthy glimpse of the sort of lifestyle I was simply unaccustomed to. My jaw hung open as we all exited the van and headed up the steps.

Checking in, Phil winked at me and handed me my key to our—

“Honeymoon suite?”

“Thought we could use the practice.” He grinned.

Devon sucked in his cheeks to keep from laughing.

“How much did this even—”

“You’re seriously askin’ for an ass-smackin’, woman,” huffed Phil, grabbing my arm and marching me toward the elevators. “See you guys…tomorrow,” he called over his shoulder.

Connor looked startled, as if maybe I were indeed in danger of an ass-beating. That look was priceless. Pointing at his face, I laughed as the elevator doors slid shut.

Yanking me into his arms, Phil grabbed my ass and started making out with me, grinding into me, rubbing his rigid length between my legs. Slipping a hand beneath my T-shirt, he cupped a breast, squeezing, swishing his thumb back and forth over the nipple.

“Oh my God, Kenna Baby, I’m on a fuckin’ warpath to destroy your pussy. I’m gonna fuckin’ tear this shit up.”

I snickered. “That just makes me want to lie down and spread ’em, babe. Nothing like being told I’m gonna get tore up to put me in the mood.”

“Mmm, I know,” he said, his voice hitting a deep note that made me throb from head to toe. The hand that had been molesting my boob slipped down the front of my pants.

“Phil! There are probably cameras!”

“Then, security’s gonna find out how hot you are for me—fuck, Baby Girl!” he hissed, his fingers finding exactly how destroyed my underwear was.

The elevator stopped on our floor, and we walked off, as if he hadn’t just had his hand down my pants and wasn’t sporting an erection the size of a battering ram. He swiped the key, looking all hot and bothered, shoving me past the threshold.

“I thought this was the honeymoon suite! Shouldn’t you have carried me into the room or some—”

“We ain’t married yet,” he snapped, dragging me toward the couch and bending me over the armrest. Phil successfully dragged my jeans and underwear down, and then I felt the hot, hard length of him slide right in.

Tube sock.

Burying my face in the cushions, I tried not to laugh.

“How do you need it?”

“Hard,” I replied.

Smacking my ass, Phil started to pound into me with long strokes. Grasping my waist, he delivered what I’d asked for, forgetting how to make love to me after all. I was screaming my head off in the cushions by the time I felt him stiffening inside me, bellowing like a beast.

“Fuck, I needed that,” he grunted, slowly pulling out. “Don’t move. I’ll find you a towel.”

That was it. I started cracking up.

“Hush, Baby Girl,” he admonished. “I’m bein’ romantic.” He came back, bearing a warm damp washcloth. He cleaned me up and helped me right myself before tugging up my pants.

The huge room was gorgeous. “Wow, Phil! This place is fantastic!”

He smiled, showing me a dimple. “We’ve been stuck on that fuckin’ bus for so long. I thought we deserved somethin’ nice. Wait till Vegas. We’re stayin’ at the Bellagio.”

“Cool,” I replied as I pulled out my silver cigarette case from my bag.

As I sparked up a joint, Phil filled up a small glass of water to use for an ashtray. We sat on opposite ends of the couch, facing each other, with my feet in his crotch as he played with my toe rings.

“Can I ask you something?” I handed over the spliff.

“Of course.”

“Earlier, when we were talking with Devon, you guys mentioned what the Cannibals got up to, you know, with women and all that.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Did you ever participate with them?”

“Oh. Um…well, yeah. In the beginnin’, I thought it was interestin’ and all that.”

“What happened? What did you do?”

Phil blushed as he handed back the spliff. “It was just hedonistic-style shit, Kenna. A lot of booze and whatever drugs we could get our hands on.”

“So?” I asked. “What else did you do? Were there orgies?”

“Yeah, I suppose so.”

“What was it like?”

“I only did it a couple of times. I didn’t like it so much.”

“How come?”

He shrugged. “I guess because…I felt guilty.”

“What for?”

“Because I was fuckin’ four, five, six chicks in one night, and none of them were you. I wanted to like it. I wanted to be fuckin’ nose-deep in sluts and drown out the memory of the kiss that branded me as yours for all time. But it didn’t work. No amount of fucked-up fuckin’ could make me forget you.”

“Oh,” I said. “Are you uncomfortable talking about this with me?”

“No. It just makes me uncomfortable, period.”

“Why?”

“Because I didn’t like myself very much back then. I didn’t like where I was headed. I’ll tell you anythin’ you wanna know, Kenna. Always. I ain’t afraid of you knowin’ that shit anymore. But it doesn’t mean I like what I did.”

“I understand. I’m just curious, is all.”

“I know.”

“So, how did the drug-induced orgies turn to you and Devon going out and finding women instead?”

“Because he felt the same way I did. It was too much, too over-the-top. I wanted to be more in control of myself, my surroundings, but I wanted that excitement. He got it, and so we did what we did. But in the end, I always felt the same—gross, filthy, and like I wasn’t supposed to be doin’ it at all.”

“What was it about these situations that drew you into it in the first place?”

“Well…I guess the whole idea of group sex was kind of cool. You think it’d be awesome, havin’ tons of females crawlin’ all over you. We all did it. Jason, Sheri, X, Flipper… in the beginnin’, we all joined in. But it really wasn’t what we wanted in the long run.”

“Why do you think you like being whipped?” I asked, simply too curious, feeling the open vibe between us. “It’s not something you did back then, right?”

“Because bein’ able to surrender to you, you havin’ that sort of power over me, it’s fuckin’ liberatin’. It’s the only way I can describe how it feels. I like that pain. It reminds me that, with you, I’m just…me.”

“You don’t think it has anything to do with what you went through as a kid?”

“What do you mean?”

“With your mom.”

Phil’s gaze blurred as he stared at something through me. “Huh. Is that what you think?”

“I’ve wondered about it, yes.”

He closed his eyes for a few beats. When he opened them, I was solid once more.

“I don’t think so. It’s…it’s all about you. I like it because it’s you doin’ it to me. After everythin’—the guilt, the feelin’ of betrayin’ you, all of that sort of shit—it’s like havin’ a physical sense of how I felt on the inside. I don’t think it has anythin’ to do with her.”

“Okay. I was just wondering. I mean, I didn’t want to bring up painful memories—”

“Naw, Baby Girl. I worked through all that shit a long time ago. For years, my dad made me see a shrink because of it. It doesn’t bother me.”

It bothers me. How could anyone take a helpless little boy, a tiny little Phil, and hurt him like she did? The little boy who had given me his Ernie doll, who had waited and waited for his little box of sunshine to come back and visit her grandma.

“My mother…she wasn’t in her right mind. There was somethin’ really wrong with her. She was just a lost soul, hurtin’ for somethin’ that no one could figure out. And the depression she felt after givin’ birth to me…it just got worse over time.”

With his long arms, he stretched forward and pulled me into his chest, between his legs. “My dad raised me and Danielle with more than enough love, Kenna. Our mother…as sad as it sounds, she wasn’t capable of givin’ that to us. But Dad was, and he did.”

“You aren’t worried that our children could suffer something like that?” It popped out, and I knew there was no taking that back.

Beneath my cheek, his chest froze. “Are you thinkin’ of havin’ my fat little giant babies?”

Rolling my eyes, I sat up, straddling his waist. “Stay focused here—”

He grabbed my ass and pushed his groin into me. “I’m fuckin’ focused. Focused on knockin’ you up and—”

“Quit it!”

He sighed. “Margot was a drunk. Alcohol made her the monster she was. I hardly fuckin’ drink for that reason alone.”

“From what I’ve seen, you’re not a nasty drunk.”

“Not all the time, no. But I can be. I have been. So, I don’t usually do it.”

I nodded. “Okay.”

“Now…fat little giant babies—”

“Seriously, Phil!”

“Oh, I’m really fuckin’ serious, Kenna. The second you mention givin’ me kids, I’m dead fuckin’ serious.”

“It’s not happening anytime soon, babe.”

“Aw, come on…don’t be like that.” He moped, rocking me back and forth over his thickening groin. “I want you all pregnant, filled up with me…” he said softly. Gently, he laid a hand low over my belly. “I fuckin’ dream about it.”

“I know you do. And it’ll happen one day. Just not today—or anytime in the very near future. There are things I want to experience first. With you.”

Pushing me back until I was flat, he pulled off my pants and tossed them over his shoulder, and then he did the same with my panties. Swiveling, Phil shimmied out of his shorts and sat with his back against the back of the couch. Pulling me back up, he settled me over his lap, facing him. Positioning the head of himself, he pulled me down as he thrust up, swiftly filling me. Intense, his spot within me roared awake.

“Please, Kenna…” he whispered. “It’s all I want.” He punched his hips again, battering his spot, demanding it take notice of his presence.

“I know.” I gasped, grinding down on him. “And we will…”

He moaned, his lips bruising mine, his tongue plunging in time with his hips. We devoured each other, straining into the other without finesse. Just raw, primal need. He tore my shirt over my head and attacked my breasts with his hot, wet mouth. Sweet tingles shot from my nipples to my crotch. I had no control over my own body. It took over, riding him harder and faster.

“Oh, fuck, Baby…” he moaned, his hands moving to my hips, urging me on.

Our bodies slapped together, slicked with sweat.

Beneath us, the couch groaned in distress.

“Harder, Kenna! Fuck!” he snarled, punching his hips. “Fuck me, woman!”

Retreating to the tip of him, I slammed back down until he rammed my cervix with a sting of pain. Again. Again. Again.

“Ah, shit!” he cried. “Fuck, Baby! It’s too fuckin’ good! Fuckin’ come for me!”

Arching back, I released the couch and latched on to his thighs, taking him deeper.

“Fuck!” he screamed. “Now!”

The world shattered, shimmering as the fragments sprinkled all around me.

Phil bowed backward off the couch. “Kenna!”

Jerking with supreme violence, his cock shot thick and scalding inside. Everything with him was trying to impregnate me. I had to admit, a small part of me yearned for it as well. But it was a small part, which told me that I was in no way ready to give him what he was asking for.

“Phil…” I panted, collapsing onto his chest.

His arms went around me, cradling me to his heart. “I know, Baby.”

“I promise.”

“I know,” he gasped, trying to catch his breath.

“It’s just not the right time.”

“It’s all right, Kenna Baby. When it is…you’ll let me know.”

Pushing myself back so that I could look into his eyes, I smiled. “I know it’s pretty traditional, but…I think I’d like for us to be married first.”

His smile was radiant. “Yeah, I think I’d like that, too.”

“So, we can hold off on the baby talk for a while longer?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Good. Because it stresses me out.”

He sighed in defeat. “Yeah.”

While in Seattle, we didn’t have a whole lot of time to spend sightseeing. The day of the concert, we all went out for lunch in the Space Needle. Then, it was back to the fairgrounds.

Seattle residents were hard rockin’ motherfuckers.

NOLA’s Junk destroyed them.

The weather was shit, mud was everywhere, and the guys beat the music into the amped up crowd. Everyone and everything was filthy, sweaty, and disgusting by the time we made it back to the Fairmont.

Next stop was Portland, Oregon. The weather was nice—sunny, warm, and bright—and the surrounding forests around the venue were breathtaking.

After Portland and Eugene, we headed to California. First stop was in Eureka and then San Francisco where we met up with Lewis’s parents, who put us up in their huge home before we were scheduled to head to Fresno.

Devon had decided to continue on, trailing the Cannibals and staying in the same hotel with them. Brigid hadn’t been looking at all well, and he’d felt he needed to be there for her. He was going to try to get her away from them, and the day after the San Francisco show, he called Phil to let him know he’d succeeded.