Текст книги "The Song Remains the Same"

Автор книги: Kelli Jean

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Текущая страница: 26 (всего у книги 28 страниц)

A pristine hibachi grill sat in the far corner. I hoped Gustav wouldn’t be too pissed, but the motherfucker was a chef. If he honestly cared about grilling, he’d get a fuckin’ decent grill, not this marshmallow roaster.

A slight breeze came through, tingling my scalp with the sensation. The air was soft and sweet. I could almost feel Kenna’s lips pressing on the left catcher.

“You gotta grow a beard though,” Jason said as I dumped the hair into the grill. “You look fuckin’ twelve all over again.”

Shooting him a filthy look down my nose at him, I said, “Fuck you. I haven’t looked twelve since I was sixteen.”

“Should we say a few words?” asked Flipper, fishing out a book of matches from his pocket.

“Naw, man. Just light the shit,” I said.

Within seconds, it was gone, up in a rank cloud of smoke.

“Out with the old, in with the new,” said Jason.

We headed back inside.

Sitting around, I picked up an acoustic Jason had brought and strummed. None of us said anything, but I could tell they were gearing up for a huge speech.

“Just say it,” I said, not looking at any of them.

“Say what?” piped Flipper.

“Whatever the fuck it is y’all are needin’ to tell me.”

“Okay. What do we do now?” asked Jason.

“What do you mean?”

“About…us. Is…we can’t be done, man.”

“What? The band?” I asked.

“Yeah, the fuckin’ band!” he snapped.

With X gone, it would never be the same.

“I don’t know,” I replied. “I mean, I haven’t thought much about makin’ music at all. It’s like it left me.”

“You don’t mean that,” said Connor. “It’s always in you. It’s in all of us. It makes us who we are.”

“It doesn’t seem right though, NOLA’s Junk goin’ on. Don’t you guys feel that way, too? Think about it—holdin’ auditions for a new bass player—”

“Fuck no,” snapped Jason, pointing to Connor. “We have the greatest bass player who ever lived sittin’ right here, Phil. No matter how much we love X, compared to fuckin’ Connor, he was mediocre. This cat’s been wasted on second guitar. He wrote almost all of X’s parts for the last album. He’s the bass player.”

Well, he wasn’t wrong. Connor could more than step into X’s shoes in that respect.

“What? We hold second guitar auditions instead?” I asked.

Just as I asked that, a soft knock came from the front door, and Flipper got up and opened it. We all got a shock at who it was.

Devon Gian-fuckin’-Franco.

Jason’s face split into a huge happy grin. “Naw, man. We get him.”

Devon stared at me, his jaw slack, his turquoise eyes huge.

It wasn’t just the missing hair that threw him. I looked like a fuckin’ beanpole with all the weight I’d dropped after the accident. I was freakish and maybe a little on the sick side. But I was feeling better ever since I’d gotten out of the hospital and stopped drinking whiskey like water.

Struggling to my feet, I grabbed my crutches and hobbled over to him where we gave each other a huge fuckin’ man-hug.

“What brings you here, man?” I asked.

“I ran into Kenna at the airport,” he replied.

My heart tripped. “How was she? She look all right?”

“Yeah. Yeah, man,” he said, taking in my appearance up close. “You both look like you haven’t eaten in months. She looked good. Hungry but good. Alys, too. What…what the fuck, man?”

“Yeah, I know. What did Kenna tell you?”

“That she was forced to leave you…and about X.” He swallowed thickly. “I’m sorry about that, man. Real sorry. For all of you.”

“Did she…” I just wanted to see her, hear her sexy husky voice so bad. My soul hurt, just knowing Devon had gotten to look at her, seen her gorgeous green eyes, maybe even a smile.

“She’s all right, man. She misses you.”

“Let the man in, Phil!” called Jason. “You didn’t shrink that much. You’re blockin’ the entrance.”

Once we were all seated again, Devon told us about his Tibetan pilgrimage and the shit he’d been up to for the last few months.

Then, Jason got right to it. “It’s a fuckin’ sign you’re here.”

“You think so?” asked Devon. His snarkiness reminded me of Pygmy.

“Yeah. We were just talkin’ about what to do now as a band. And then you just show up out of the blue.”

“I tried to call—”

“They took our phones!” snapped Flipper. “Some sort of privacy bullshit. No phones, no computers, no cameras. If someone has to contact us, they have to go through the head office. Such bullshit.”

“Yeah, it wasn’t easy, getting them to let me in. I got searched and had to sign a waiver. I told them you guys were expecting me, so if anyone asks…”

“Where are you stayin’?” I asked him.

“I haven’t made any arrangements yet.”

“There’s extra space at our place,” said Flipper. “If you want to join us in our self-imposed exile and sobriety.”

Devon nodded. “Sure. If you fuckers end up driving me nuts, I’ll just leave.”

I was dying to ask him if his cell phone had been taken. If he still had it, then maybe I could talk to my Baby Girl. I wasn’t gonna bring it up in front of Connor though.

“Okay! Enough of the stupid shit! Let’s talk music,” said Jason, getting fired up. “Devon, you want to be in the band?”

“Damn, don’t you think we should talk about it together first?” demanded Flipper. “He just got here. You don’t spring that sort of shit on a man after travelin’!”

“Phil and I were talking about collaborating after I got back,” said Devon.

The guys all looked at me.

“Say what?” asked Jason. “You were just gonna go off and make music with someone else?”

“Why would that have been a problem?” I asked, feeling defensive.

“Because, man! We make music together!”

“You just asked him to join our fuckin’ band!” I shouted.

“Because he’s perfect for us!” Jason shouted back.

“Oh, well, thanks for that,” said Devon.

“We have no idea what direction we’re supposed to go in now! No clue! We haven’t even figured out if we need a second guitar—” I was saying.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t do rhythm,” Devon drawled.

“No, man. Two leads!” cried Jason. “Can you imagine? Fuck, we’d super group the fuck out of this shit! People’s heads would explode in the audience! And with Connor on bass—”

“Connor on bass?” Devon asked.

“It’s my instrument, yeah,” said Connor. “I played rhythm because…well, why not?”

“It all makes fuckin’ sense!” said Jason. “I’ve never met anyone more talented on bass than this cat right here—don’t fuckin’ look at me like that, Phil. X said the same fuckin’ thing. We wanted to do somethin’ better, somethin’ more, somethin’ that blows our audience to hell and back. Between Devon and me, we’d fuckin’ make demons weep! X wanted this—”

“X didn’t want to die!” I snarled, my temper rising. “He didn’t want to leave us in this fuckin’ mess!”

“He wanted us to move on from what we’d been doin’, Phil. He was all for makin’ some primo-awesome music. He wanted to push the boundaries. Now…NOLA’s Junk has the potential to annihilate every other fuckin’ heavy metal band out there.”

“We ain’t NOLA’s Junk no more!” I cried. “X gave us that! We can’t—”

“NOLA’s Own,” said Connor quietly.

Somehow, his voice was louder in its gentle tone than Jason’s and my shoutin’ combined. The room rang with it.

“What’s that?” asked Flipper.

“NOLA’s Own,” he repeated. “That’s who we really are. We aren’t junk. We’re a clan. A tribe.”

Flipper got a bright, crazy look in his eyes. “Holy shit, man. Yeah. Yeah!”

“Um…I’m not from NOLA,” said Devon.

“So?” asked Jason, looking at Connor like he’d just handed his ass Christmas. “You’re an adopted son.”

My eyes widened, and my breath caught in my chest.

When Jason had said that, everything clicked into place inside my head, and by all of Kenna’s and Connor’s gods…I heard the music again. My soul lifted, cocking an ear to it, and fuck me, it was the second most beautiful thing I’d ever experienced.

Because, well, Kenna was the most beautiful experience.

“Yes,” I whispered.

My eyes met Connor’s, and he knew I’d heard it. He had the same weird-ass ability that Kenna had—looking into my eyes and seeing my soul.

What is it with these hippie fuckin’ MacGregors?

Jason’s eyes snapped back to mine. “Yeah?”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

We all looked at Devon, who sat up straighter.

He took a minute to look us all in the eyes before saying, “Well, you guys can’t be worse than Cornered Cannibal.”

“That’s the spirit,” said Flipper.

Kenna

My grandparents lived in the Scottish countryside in a sizable two-story house that looked like a large stone cottage. They bred top-quality sheepdogs, and by the love of all that was holy, a litter of five-week-old pups greeted us at the front door.

For a week and a half, Alys and I hung out, helped Gran in the garden, and helped Gramps with the dogs. We’d take long walks in the countryside, just being us. It had been a long time since we connected, just us two.

I shed my depression like old skin. It was hard being miserable while a pack of puppies dogged my steps. There was just one thing that kept popping into my head, dragging me down.

May sixth dawned bright and sunny, turning the world around us gold and emerald, with the sky the color of X’s eyes. I was supposed to marry the love of my life today. Instead, I was half a world away.

While washing up the dishes after supper, my cell phone rang in my pocket. Da liked to give me a call about every other day, and Lili would call an obscene amount, too. She’d be coming soon, and the three of us were going to travel around England and Scotland.

The screen showed Devon, and my heart fluttered. “Hello?”

“Hey, Baby Girl,” came that voice that had the power to make my knees knock and pulse race.

Alys gave me a startled look as I ran out the kitchen door into the garden.

“Phil!” I cried. I couldn’t help it. I started bawling my eyes out. “Oh, babe, I miss you!” Sobbing, I sat down on Gran’s stone bench.

“Kenna Baby, don’t cry,” he said softly. “You’ll make me cry, and I…I just needed to hear your voice. I’ve been goin’ insane, thinkin’ of what today was supposed to be.”

“Me, too,” I confessed.

“I don’t have a lot of time. Devon was able to sneak in his phone and get me alone before the rest of the guys show up.”

“I don’t care. I’m just so happy to hear your voice! No one’s told me anything about how you’re doing. Connor hasn’t called, and your dad tells me next to nothing—”

“We’re not really allowed to contact people outside the place. We can call our families once a week from the main area, but…I tried to call you. Dad wouldn’t give me your number. I should have that shit memorized.”

“It’s okay, babe. Just tell me how you’re getting on. Are the therapists good?”

“I’m off the crutches, and you won’t believe it, but I do fuckin’ yoga three or four hours a day—”

“Shut up!” I laughed and cried all at once.

“Seriously.” He laughed. “I totally get why you do this. Connor helps me, and I’ve started meditating. It’s really helped a lot. I’ve put some fuckin’ weight back on. The food here is pretty good. I begged them to feed me more. They had me on fuckin’ salads, Baby Girl. I was so hungry. And we…we’re makin’ music again. We asked Devon to join the band, and Connor’s on bass. We ain’t NOLA’s Junk no more.”

“What?” I gasped.

“Nope. We’re NOLA’s Own now.”

“Oh. Oh, wow, babe!” I was just so fucking happy. I couldn’t help the laughter that effervesced out of me. “It sounds amazing! I can’t wait to hear what you guys have been producing.”

“Will you do somethin’ for me, Baby Girl?” he asked, his voice turning serious.

“Of course.”

“Will you…” He sucked in a deep breath. “Will you still marry my ass? Will you make me the happiest man in the world and be my wife?”

Tears poured down my face as I stared at my engagement ring. “Yes.”

His breath came out shaky. “I…I freak out sometimes, wonderin’ if maybe…” He swallowed loudly. “I sometimes wonder if maybe you don’t wanna be with me after everythin’ you had to go through since we got together. I’ve hurt you in ways I never thought I would, and…I just…”

“You’re worth every ounce of pain, Phil. What we have, the kind of love we share, comes at a price. The universe demands it. It’s not free, and it shouldn’t be. But as long as I know you love me, I’m yours. You’re my other half.”

“You’re my whole fuckin’ life. You own me.”

My laugh sounded like a bubble bursting in my throat. “Something like that.”

“I think I can make it now.” He sighed. “Hearin’ your laugh has been the best fuckin’ thing I’ve heard in a long-ass time. I was afraid I might never hear it again.”

“Your laughter sounded pretty fine, too,” I told him.

“It’s bizarre. A few weeks ago, I never thought I’d laugh again. But it was a good thing, comin’ here. You were right. You’re always fuckin’ right. It drives me nuts. But all this therapy and counselin’ has helped. I’ve realized that X wouldn’t want us to give up just ’cause he’s gone—fuck! The guys are comin’! I gotta go.”

“Okay—”

“I love you, Kenna. Tonight, I’m gonna dream that we got married, and I’m gonna fuckin’ jerk off to the thought of bangin’ my wife.”

That cracked me up. “I love you, too—”

“You do the same, okay? Touch my sweet slice of heaven, and come, sayin’ my name.”

“I will.” I laughed.

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

The line went dead, but my heart…he was full.

Phil

“I’m heading back to the UK. I haven’t seen my parents since Christmas, and they were kind of pissed that I ran off to Colorado,” Devon was telling me.

I spontaneously busted into a deep lunge. “How long you gonna be gone?”

“Couple of weeks. I’ll be back before you get out of this place.”

Six more weeks remained of the program, and while I was happy with my progress, I missed Kenna more than anything. Deep inside me was an ache that never eased up.

Twisting over my knee, I dug my elbow into it and pushed, releasing my breath. A lot had changed inside me since coming here. All the health-nut crap, it was no fuckin’ wonder my Baby Girl was such an easy spirit.

Devon gave me a weird-ass look.

“What?” I asked.

“I ran into Kenna at Heathrow,” he confessed quietly.

My heart tripped. “Yeah?” I whispered even though we were alone. I was paranoid Connor would come bursting through the door and bust us, like he had a brotherly radar that would go off if I said her name aloud.

Devon nodded. “She’s got family in Scotland, right?”

“Yeah. Her grandparents and a clan of MacGregor cousins.”

“Is there anything you want me to tell her? I can try to see her, if you want. See how she’s doing, and let you know when I get back.”

Truth be told, I didn’t want that motherfucker anywhere near my Baby Girl. Just thinking of his pretty self being close to her set my teeth on edge.

Glancing down at my hands with my palms pressed together, I saw my DiAblo twinkling in the light. She had once again promised to marry me. I was someone else now, someone I hoped was worthy of her. After we’d hung up on our would-have-been wedding day, I knew that I needed to prove to her that I was a changed man, one who deserved her as my wife.

Untwisting my ass, I counter-stretched and stood up. “Yeah, man. Are you leavin’, like, right this second?”

“I got about thirty minutes. Why?”

“Give me ten. I’ll be right back.”

My bedroom wasn’t too far off, and I needed some privacy for this. There was a strong possibility I would cry, and I didn’t need Devon thinking I was a bitch because I willingly removed my engagement ring.

Taking out some paper and a pen, I wrote her a short letter, explaining why I was doing it. My Baby Girl would understand. Her soul knew mine, like mine knew hers. After signing my name, my heart jumped into my throat, threatening to choke me. I pulled off the DiAblo and slipped it into one of my iPod pouches with a drawstring. Folding up the note, I put it in there with it.

I hadn’t fuckin’ cried like a bitch. Only one tear had slid down my face as the ring came off.

Limping slightly, I headed back out to the living room and handed the package to Devon. “She has to get that, man. If you lose that, you should go missin’, too. Because if I don’t find you and kill you, I’ll send her after your ass.”

His eyes dropped to my left hand, to the tan line showing the world what I was missing. “I promise.”

“Thanks.”

My yoga instructor, Wendy, was cool. I guessed she was in her forties. She was professional, reminding me of Kenna but in a completely platonic way, which was weird because there was nothing platonic about how I felt about Kenna.

Wendy was some sort of meditation guru. After the first few sessions, she’d found what triggered me into a deep state of whatever the fuck it was, and by the end of that first week, I had been able to do it on my own.

That was when I’d heard my Baby Girl.

“Hey, babe.”

My eyes had shot open, and my head had rushed straight into normal mode. I’d fuckin’ heard her voice as though she were right there next to me, talking in my ear. I’d been so fuckin’ stoked that I couldn’t get back onto that brain wave for another two whole days.

About fifteen minutes after Devon had left, Wendy showed up with Connor, and we got into the afternoon session. Even with my gimp leg, I was getting stronger, building up my muscles again. My energy was high, but now, I felt something more than that. I could control it rather than let it rage through me, like ration it out or something. I wondered what it would be like to get up on stage again.

I bet it would be fuckin’ awesome.

For ninety minutes, we went through the motions and then sat for the meditation. The music in my head was sweet, like flutes and acoustics—my trigger music—and I sank into a place that was warm, safe, and dark.

“I miss you, babe.”

“Hey, Baby Girl. I fuckin’ miss you, too.”

“Not too much longer now. We’re nearly halfway there.”

“I know. It’s fuckin’ crazy.”

“It feels…unreal.”

“It doesn’t feel right though, Kenna Baby. As good as this might be for us at the moment, it’s unnatural. I feel like I’m missin’ my right hand or somethin’.”

Being in this place, time didn’t really factor in. When I opened my eyes, Wendy was gone, and Connor was sitting next to me. When I looked over at him, something shifted in him.

He opened his eyes and looked at me. “That was a good one,” he said.

“Yeah, it was.”

“Your energy is really positive.”

“And yours stinks of dirty hippie. How long was that?”

He glanced out the door to the patio. “It’s almost sunset already. About an hour, I guess.”

I was dying to ask him if he went into a similar place when he meditated, if he talked to anyone in there, too. Then, I wondered who would be his inner voice, and I had a feeling I knew. Since I didn’t want to tell him I heard Kenna in my head, I kept my damn mouth shut.

Kenna

Inverness Airport wasn’t too busy. Alys and I took Gramps’s car to pick up Lili. I’d practiced on the country roads before venturing out into the more populated areas, but it was still weird to drive here.

Lili had called from Heathrow to let us know she’d arrived in one piece. “I have a surprise for you!”

“Sweet! What is it?” I’d asked.

“You’ll just have to wait and see!”

Parking the car, Alys and I headed into the baggage claim area and waited for our Pygmy to join us. We had a road trip planned, driving from Inverness to London and checking out everything in between. There were a few venues in London we wanted to see along with a tattoo convention.

Darren Wright would be at the convention. When I’d discovered this from a bit of social media, I’d called Sheri, who’d called Darren, who’d called me and offered to tattoo me. While on the phone, I’d told him what I wanted, and he’d thought it’d be a great piece for a convention. Since it would take some time, I would be the only one he’d have to worry about that day.

“Oh! I think I see her!” said Alys, craning her neck. “And…is that…”

Devon?

“I wonder what he’s doing here,” I mused, feeling my heart jump and race.

Devon had made his temporary home with the guys. He was supposed to be with Phil, making music, being supportive.

What is he doing here?

Alys and I waited as the two of them stood next to the baggage carousel, waiting for their luggage. Lili reached for her gigantic suitcase, but Devon beat her to it, lifting it for her. She smiled brightly at him, said something, and then headed over to us, pulling the suitcase along behind her. Squealing with excitement, she ran up and launched herself at us, and the three of us tightly hugged each other. Our trifecta had gone neglected for far too long.

“I’ve missed you guys so much!” Lili wailed.

“We missed you, too!” Alys laughed.

Devon walked up to us, a tired smile on his scruffy face. “Hey.”

“Hey,” I replied. “What…”

He slightly shook his head, still smiling. “Phil’s doing great. Really, really great, Kenna.”

My chest released some tension from around my heart. “Great.”

Tipping his head to the right, he asked, “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

Out of earshot from Alys and Lili, Devon dug out a black satin pouch from his jeans pocket. “Phil needed me to give this to you. Before you open it, I want you to not freak out because it’s not what it looks like.”

“What does it look like?”

Placing the pouch in my hand, I felt the crinkled rigidity of folded paper and something heavy. Before I started bawling my eyes out because I knew what that weight was, I dumped the contents into my hand.

The DiAblo.

“Oh…” I breathed softly.

“After he gave it to me, I admit…I had to look at it. I was dying to try it on, too, but I didn’t. If I had, I think Phil’s Spidey Sense would’ve kicked in, and he’d leave me looking like Jones. It’s quite beautiful.”

I could only nod. I didn’t trust myself to speak.

“It’s important that you read that,” he told me.

“Okay,” I whispered.

“I read it, too.”

My eyes snapped to his, fury flashing at him. “Why would you do that?”

Devon grinned. “Because I’m a nosy motherfucker, and if he was leaving you, I planned on staking my claim.”

“Pfft!” I snorted.

“Kenna, everything he’s doing right now is for you. No matter what he tries to tell himself, no matter what he’s trying to tell everyone else, he’s doing all of this with you in his head. I don’t want to say that he’s trying to be you, but he’s trying to live up to your level of understanding.”

“Wow. That’s the greatest compliment anyone could ever receive.”

“No shit. So, don’t freak out because he’s giving this to you. He wants it back. He’s planning on getting it back by earning it.”

My heart…he swelled with an emotion so intense, so all-consuming, that the tears I’d fought to hold back spilled over, and the dam simply broke. Devon pulled me into his arms and let his strength hold me up as I blubbered all over his shoulder.

When I calmed, he pushed me back, so he could look down into my eyes. “Bougainvillea is going to reopen when Phil’s finished with this. We’re going to put on a show in honor of X and make an announcement about NOLA’s Own. Sheri’s been working nonstop on getting everything ready. It’s scheduled for the day you come back.”

I nodded.

Gently, Devon kissed my brow above my Third Eye. “Maybe I’ll catch up with you ladies on my way back. Lili said you’re going to London?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll call you then. My next flight leaves in about an hour, so I have to get going.”

I nodded again, and he turned, first heading back to my girls for a brief hug. Then, he grabbed his bags before making his way to Departures.

It wasn’t until I was alone in my bedroom at Gran and Gramps’s hours later that I was finally able to open the piece of paper that came with the DiAblo.

My Other Half,

It’s not easy for me to do this. I’m not taking the promise back. I’ll be marrying you one day, Baby Girl.

I just feel that all the things you’ve so selflessly given to me should be earned. If anything, these weeks without you have opened my eyes to the person you truly are, and I respect and love you more than I ever thought possible. You’re my inspiration to be a better human, a more compassionate person, one who puts others before myself. Just like you do. Your selflessness saved more than my life. It saved my soul, and you now have all of that, too.

I need you to hold on to this for me until you know I’m worthy of you. I guess I just feel like someone else now. I need you to know me as I am and make sure I’m still the man you love. I know I have to return it to you until I deserve it.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

Waiting for my wife,

Phil

Warmth infused my chest, Phil’s love healing me from half a world away. He might think he was a different man, but I knew better. He was my other half, no matter what.

The moment we were back together, the DiAblo would be going back on his hand. It was the only place it belonged.

In London, the tattoo convention was packed with all sorts of people, the place buzzing with excitement and the sound of tattoo machines. Laughter and conversation swirled around, nearly visible in a mist of communication. Along with bright, colorful displays of artwork and inked flesh, there was also the lingering aroma of some ripe-ass bodies mingled in with fried foods and stale soda.

While I was lying in the barber chair that would be my main location for the next six or so hours, Darren Wright gently lifted the stencil from my skin.

Darren was a cutie. With thick dark brown hair, he had big brown eyes that made him appear deceptively innocent along with the longest black eyelashes anyone should be allowed to have naturally. Average height, medium build, he wore his rockin’ nut-hugger jeans and Chucks very well.

Lili took a ton of photos, and I had a feeling that at least ninety-seven percent of them were of Darren.

Over some pints a few nights ago, Lili had confided in Alys and me that she and Lewis were having some issues, and she’d decided to stay with us until we returned to the States.

“He bought a new restaurant in Eureka and didn’t even discuss it with me,” she’d told us miserably. “He knows how badly I want to go back home. But it was like he didn’t care about that. He wanted to open a restaurant in Eureka, so he did.”

She’d fallen apart at that point. It might have been the four or five pints, but I truly believed she was as heartbroken as she’d ever been.

Right there and then, we’d promised each other that, while we were on this holiday, we would shut up about the misery we were all experiencing.

So far, it had been working like a charm.

“You ready, Mrs. Baby Girl?” asked Darren, smiling his pearly whites at me.

“As I’ll ever be,” I replied with my own slightly sad smile.

As his foot touched the power pedal, the machine buzzed to life, and I clutched the DiAblo in my left hand. Closing my eyes, the kiss of the needle on my skin released my endorphins, and I slipped into my happy place.

“Hey, Baby Girl…”

“Phil is going to lose his shit when he sees that,” said Lili.

“In a good way?” I laughed. It didn’t matter either way. I’d gotten a piece of art on me that I loved, and I would proudly show it off until the day I died.

“I don’t know,” she replied. “But he’s going to flip.”

“He’ll love it,” stated Alys as we headed to the car. “Because it’s a part of you.”

Still clutching Phil’s ring, I slipped it deep into my pocket, so there was no chance it would fall out. “Right, well, I need some food and a few beers now. Who’s with me?”

We found a decent pub and ordered three plates of fish and chips and pints of beer. Once we were full, we started drinking as though we were locals.

About four pints in, Alys teared up.

“Is it your turn tonight?” asked Lili shrewdly.

“I guess so. Damn,” Alys replied.

“Is it X?” Lili asked.

Alys shrugged. “Yes and no.”

“Well, that’s not vague or anything,” said snarky Lili.

“What is it then?” I asked.

Alys sank her teeth into her generous bottom lip. “I miss X. And I miss Connor.”

“Yeah, are you ever going to spill the beans on that, or what?” huffed Lili. “I mean, shit, Alys, I thought we were your best friends. You know everything about us, yet you’ve kept this shit secret as all hell—”

“I slept with Connor.”

I nodded. Really, I’d known it had to be something along those lines for him to have had such a meltdown.

“When?” demanded Lili.

“What? Like the first time?” asked Alys.

“The first time?” Lili screeched.

Man, I loved these two. The server came up and asked if we’d like another round, and yes, we would. Needed it was more like it.

“The music festival in ’96 was the first time,” Alys quietly told us.

Wait. What?

“You’re fucking kidding me! He was, like, fourteen!” said Lili.

Then, it hit me. “Connor was your first?”

Alys nodded, her face flushed with more than just alcohol. “He was my only until I met X.”

“Shut the fuck up!” snarled Lili.

“Lili, take it down a notch,” I said.

“Fuck that! She’s kept this shit secret for ten fucking years!”

“At first, neither of us wanted anyone to know, okay?” said Alys. “I was seventeen, and he was fourteen, but we wanted to be together. Yeah, I was seeing Mikey at the time, but I never slept with him. After that concert, you know, we decided to just be friends.”

“How did you sneak in a barely legal fuck at the music festival?” demanded Lili.

“Um, it was the last day—”

“Gross, Alys. We were so filthy,” Lili hissed.

“In the tent while everyone else was out. I said I had a headache, which I did! And Connor came back with me, remember?”

Both Lili and I nodded. Lili was quite tight-lipped by this point, thinking of bodies that had gone days without washing and then getting it on—in a tent, no less.

“It just sort of…happened. He asked me if I was serious about Mike, and I said no. Then, he kind of…threw himself on me. It felt right. It was—”

“Gross,” interjected Lili.

“Natural.”

“Maybe a little too natural,” muttered Lili.

I lost it. I laughed so hard that tears poured out of my eyes, and my stomach cramped. Alys looked at me in shock, which only made me laugh harder. When Lili got the giggles, I lost it all over again. Our server dropped off our pints and walked away, and still, I was laughing.

“Anyway,” said Alys loudly.

“Go on,” I told Alys, snorting.

“Connor and I had whatever we had up until Grandma Betty passed away. The last time we were, um—”

“Natural together,” supplied Lili.

I had to close my eyes and bite my tongue to stop myself from busting out again.

“Yeah, sure,” said Alys. “It was before he went back to Miami. He wanted us to come clean with everyone and be together, and I told him I wanted to wait until he finished school. He didn’t take it well. Basically, he told me to fuck off, that eight years of sneaking around was enough for him.”