Текст книги "Beautifully Insightful"
Автор книги: K.C. Lynn
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Текущая страница: 8 (всего у книги 20 страниц)
I think about the way he kissed me, and the way my soul remembered it so well. My lips are still tingling from the sweet contact. This is not how I expected tonight to go. My plan was to catch up with him, and find the courage to ask him what happened between him and my father all those years ago, and why he left without so much as a goodbye. I need the closure; it will be the only way I will truly be able to move on. But, since that kiss, I have a feeling I will not find any closure, not when my heart is still so conflicted when it comes to him.
I get pulled from my thoughts when we pull up in front of an old, dirty building I can’t distinguish. The entire place is dark and looks abandoned. Ryder parks off to the side then turns to me with a smirk. “Let’s go.” He grabs his jacket off the seat and gets out of the vehicle.
I follow suit and look around the vacant lot, trying to figure out where we are. Ryder takes my hand easily, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world then leads me over to the massive building. I try to ignore the way my body is humming just from the small contact. He punches a bunch of numbers on a keypad and the big garage door rises automatically. The strong smell of oil and gas immediately infiltrates my nostrils.
When he tries to pull me into the dark building I resist, my heart beginning to pound with panic. I don’t like the dark; it has become my number one fear since regaining my sight back.
“Where are we?” I try to hide my anxiety but know I don’t succeed.
“It’s all right, Em. It’s Hector’s garage.” He steps away then flicks on the lights. I squint at the sudden brightness, and once my eyes adjust I take in my surroundings. Big, heavy machinery litters the massive space; old, beat-up cars are raised up high and tools scatter the floor, leaving the place in chaos.
“This way.” He tugs on my hand and leads me over to the opposite corner.
A big smile spreads across my face as we walk up to a black motorcycle. “Are we going to ride this?” I ask hopefully.
“Yeah, this is the new bike I bought from Hector.”
“Eeeek!” I clap excitedly and Ryder chuckles at my obvious enthusiasm. I look down at my attire. “Er, I guess I’m not dressed great for it.”
A dirty grin tilts his sexy lips. “I like it better that way.” He winks suggestively and I feel my face heat. Sheesh, I really hate that. “Here.” He passes me his jacket but I push it back at him.
“No, no, I’ll be fine. It’s a warm night.”
He glares at me and thrusts the jacket my way again. “No, you won’t. Take the jacket.”
“Ryder, I’ll be fine.”
“Emily, would you not argue with me for once, and just take the fucking jacket.”
I roll my eyes then rip the stupid jacket from him. “Geez, you have a serious problem with being bossy,” I tell him as I put the damn coat on. Oh man, maybe it’s not such a bad idea after all, it smells really darn good, but there is no denying I look ridiculous in it. I throw my arms up showing him how long the sleeves are. “I look stupid!”
His eyes roam down my body, suddenly making me think I might not look like an idiot after all. Sitting on the bike sideways, he grabs the lapels of the jacket and pulls me between his legs. “You look fucking sexy in anything you wear, but especially my clothes. And you look as good now as you did six years ago when we left that beach party and I took you on my bike for the first time. Except back then your dress was yellow, not pink.”
My heart turns over in my chest at his words. The night he talks about is a night I have never forgotten, and clearly he hasn’t either. The fact that he remembers it so vividly, right down to what I wore, repairs a small part of my scarred heart. “I can’t believe you remember what I wore that night,” I whisper.
“Baby, there isn’t a second of our time together that I don’t remember. You, Emily, are not someone I could ever forget.”
I stare at him speechless, a sudden storm of emotions roiling inside of me. Then why? I want to scream. Why did you leave me? He stares back at me, his gaze intense as if he knows what I’m thinking. I consider asking him, right here, right now, but as I dig for courage he ends up breaking the moment by grabbing his helmet and putting it on my head. It’s probably better. I will ask him eventually. I will. But maybe not tonight. For tonight – I want to forget about all the bad, forget about what took him from me and just be in a place that I haven’t been for six years, a place that only Ryder and I create.
“Lift your chin.” I do as he asks. After he tightens the straps, he straddles the bike, and oh boy does he look good on it. Heat pools low in my tummy when I think about what we did on his bike back in high school, or rather, what he did to me…
I suddenly notice he’s watching me with an arrogant smirk. “This is one of those times, Emily, when I know exactly what you’re thinking. It’s written all over your pretty, flushed face.”
Crap!
“If you want to go for a ride on this bike I suggest you get your sexy ass on the back of it before I change my mind and end up taking you for a ride right here.”
Oh god, just the thought of riding him instead of the bike has an ache starting between my legs. I scoff, hoping to hide his affect on me. “Settle down, Jameson. I was just noticing how completely awkward you look on the bike is all.”
He bursts out laughing, and it’s so infectious I can’t stop from laughing with him; we both know I’m full of it. “You are the shittiest liar.”
“I know,” I agree with a giggle, not bothering to deny it. I get on behind him and wrap my arms around his waist, bringing my front flush against his hard, warm back. My smile dies and my heart flutters at the familiar feeling of being this close to him again. It’s a feeling I didn’t think I would get to experience again.
“You ready?” he asks, his voice sounding huskier than it did a minute ago.
“Yes,” I whisper so quietly I’m not sure he heard the reply.
He starts up the bike, the powerful vibration and loud motor has anticipation pounding through my system. Kicking back the stand, he starts out of the garage slowly, and hits a button on the keypad as we pass it, closing the oversized door behind us, as we start out of the parking lot.
Once we get onto the highway, he lets go and hits the throttle. I suck in a sharp breath and squeeze him tighter. Fear, anxiety and adrenaline slam into me, and completely overwhelm me. I close my eyes and my heart instantly begins to calm as I let myself use the only senses I’ve known for as long as I can remember. I take in the warm wind on my face, the smell of nature around us, and, most of all, I absorb the feeling of Ryder’s hard body warming mine. I forgot how completely exhilarating this could be.
Once I’m more grounded, I reopen my eyes and try to take in our surroundings, but the dark night and our rapid speed make it difficult. So instead, I take the experience for what it is and just let myself feel. It takes me back to a time I remember so well, one I loved and one only Ryder ever gave me. Freedom.
It isn’t too long before Ryder slows and pulls off to the side of the road in what seems like the middle of nowhere. I look around, wondering what he’s doing, but as we drive further in I get a glimpse of the view before us, and my heart stalls in my chest when I realize where we are.
He parks the bike and I’m climbing off before he even has it turned off. I remove my helmet and jacket before walking closer to the edge of the cliff. I make sure to stop a fair distance away as my gaze becomes riveted to the incredible view stretched before me.
“Describe to me what we’re looking at, Ryder.”
“The clear sky above us is dark and covered in stars. Way off in the distance are thousands of lights from homes and buildings that light up the entire city. It looks like we are a world away rather than minutes.”
I swallow past the sudden ache in my throat as his words replay in my head. His description was incredibly accurate, but I never understood the true beauty of it… Until now. I look up at the clear night sky to see a million stars, but they quickly become blurry as tears begin slipping down my cheeks. My heart becomes so overwhelmed from finally seeing what I always missed out on, that I cover my face and cry. Ryder comes up behind me and turns me around before enveloping me in his strong arms. He doesn’t say anything; he just holds me and lets me cry everything out.
“You have no idea how many times I tried to picture this place,” I mumble into his chest, feeling the need to try and explain what I’m feeling. “Anything I ever pictured never came close to this.”
He rubs soothing circles along my back in a comforting gesture, and the warmth of his embrace has some of my tears subsiding. “It doesn’t matter, Em. The best part about coming here was us getting to be together. The view was just an added bonus. You always experienced the best part of it.”
Warmth blooms across my chest, my heart melting at his words. I nod, realizing he is right; the best part of that time was us – getting to be together. This was a place where we both escaped to and created a world of our own. One where wealth and politics never defined us.
“Come on. Let’s sit down.” He lays down his coat for me to sit on then takes the spot beside me. I bring my knees up and wrap my arms around them, feeling cold without Ryder’s arms around me anymore.
“Sorry,” I whisper, feeling the need to apologize as I wipe away the remainder of my tears.
“Nothing to be sorry about, Em. I can imagine it must be pretty overwhelming at times.”
I nod. “Yeah, it is. This is all so new to me still and I’m struggling to find my way.”
“How so?”
I take a moment to think of a way to explain it to him. “It’s like I’m having to learn to live all over again. When I lost my sight I learned to live in the dark. It was a different world, but I figured it out and I eventually strived in it. Now I’m thrown into what seems like a whole new world. People think it’s easier because now I can see, but it’s not at all. Something as simple as a place I have walked to a hundred times is now confusing because my entire direction is screwed up. But if I close my eyes then I can find my way.” I shake my head, feeling frustrated just thinking about it. “Even the stupid street lights. I’ve had to learn colors, something that we all learn in kindergarten, and it makes me feel like a complete idiot.” I turn my face away, feeling exposed as I admit to him everything I have been feeling for the past month.
“Emily, look at me.” His warm hand cups my cheek and he turns my face toward his. “There is nothing even remotely stupid about you, you are the smartest chick I’ve ever met.” I shake my head but he stops the movement with his hand. “I’m serious. I mean, how many people can read with their hands?”
Looking back at him, I decide to tell him something I haven’t expressed to anyone. “Sometimes I wish it never came back,” I whisper thickly. “I know that is such an awful and ungrateful thing to say, but it’s how I feel most of the time.”
His intense, green eyes are soft with understanding. “No, it’s not awful, it’s normal, Em. Your entire life has been flipped upside down for a second time. I know it’s hard right now, but you’re going to figure it out and you will strive in it, just like you did before. It’s just going to take time.”
He’s right. I know he is, but I’m having a hard time finding my patience right now. I suddenly think about my appointment with Dr. Ross. “You know how I went to that appointment earlier today.” He nods, his expression piquing with interest. “Well, the doctor I saw made a suggestion that he wants me to try.” Just the thought has panic bubbling up to the surface.
“What did he suggest?” he asks when it takes me a moment to find my words.
“He wants me to try hypnotherapy. He thinks it would be beneficial for me to remember what happened in the woods all those years ago. Or, at the very least, try to unlock the nightmare I had, to see if it could have any correlation to what brought my sight back.”
“Are there risks involved with that?” he asks, sounding concerned.
I shrug. “He said typically no, the risks are not great, nor serious, but my case is also rare so he can’t guarantee anything a hundred percent. But he did say he feels like everything would be okay. He’s strongly encouraging me to try it.”
“And what do you think?”
“The entire thought terrifies me, because whatever I dreamt that night, Ryder, it scared me so bad that I never want to feel fear like that again.” I can’t stop the hitch in my breath, or the tears I had been trying to hold at bay from slipping down my cheeks.
“Jesus, Em.” Catching me off guard, he lifts me in one smooth motion and brings me over to straddle him. He wipes my tears before cupping my face affectionately. “Don’t be afraid, baby, whatever happened is over now. But maybe this is something you should consider. I know you’re scared, but if this does have to do with whatever happened all those years ago, if you don’t deal with it – who knows what would happen if you have another nightmare. Have you thought about that?”
I nod. I have thought about it. I don’t want to go to sleep and have something happen that reverses this and I’m thrust back into the dark again. Although, with the way things are feeling right now maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. I stare back at Ryder’s handsome face and know I don’t mean that. As hard as things have been for me, one thing I can’t be unhappy about is getting to see all the people I love: Summer, Rosa, Cece and now the one boy who captured my heart so many years ago.
Releasing a tired sigh, I close my eyes and do the one thing that I have wanted to do since Ryder came back. My hands find his face and I let myself see him how I used to, through touch. He keeps still and lets me explore. I start at his hair, my fingers running through the soft, messy strands until I reach the ends that brush the back of his neck. It has me remembering how much I loved to feel it when we would kiss, especially our desperate kisses, the ones where I would grip so tightly because I never wanted him to stop.
Dragging my fingers forward, I drift them across his strong jaw that is rough with minor stubble, just like it was six years ago. Does he look much different now than he did back then? He feels much the same, the only thing I notice is his body is a little more muscular, not that he was lacking that back in high school, but he is definitely harder, more… defined. At least from what I could tell with the little contact I’ve had with being against him. He is as good looking as I expected. Not because of what everyone else told me about him, but because I knew him deep down, I knew the very depths of him. And one thing I had learned with my disability was that is where true beauty lies. Ryder, though, is lucky to have both.
I run my finger down his nose now and pass over the familiar bump. “Is this visible?”
“No.”
At the memory, I reopen my eyes to see that it is, in fact, not visible, even being this close up. I also see Ryder’s expression is intense, his green eyes dark with something I can’t name, but it has my heart pounding wildly and my mouth going dry.
I hold his warm gaze and move to his soft, firm lips. I trace their outline and remember how incredible they felt all those years ago, and even more so a few hours ago. As I explore, he encircles my wrist and presses a kiss to the inside of my palm. The intimate and familiar gesture has my heart warming.
I don’t know who moved first – him or me – but suddenly our mouths are connected in a heated passion that is both hot and demanding. I moan the moment his tongue slips past my lips, his erotic taste flooding my senses and reaching all the way to my soul. Oh god, I’ve missed this, I’ve missed him.
“I’ve missed you too, Em, so fucking much.”
I hadn’t realized I said the words out loud until now, but I don’t care. I don’t care about anything except for feeling what this man does to me, what he has always done to me. I slide my fingers in his hair and grip the soft strands with desperation, wanting to get lost in him, wanting him to take me back to a time where nothing in the world mattered but us.
“Goddamn, you are the sweetest fucking thing I’ve ever tasted,” he mumbles before pulling his mouth away to run his warm lips down the column of my throat.
I want to tell him he tastes good too, but he has completely robbed me of speech and all I can manage is incoherent sounds. His lips descend to my collarbone, my breasts becoming swollen and achy, craving his touch. As if knowing my thoughts, he pulls down the front of my dress, bunching it at my waist, and wastes no time ridding me of my strapless bra. My sensitive breasts tumble free into his waiting hands and I gasp at the warm contact, my panties growing wetter by the second.
A low growl erupts from his throat, his gaze hot and hungry as he stares at my exposed breasts. “I forgot how perfect your tits are,” he grates roughly before leaning in and taking a puckered, aching nipple into his hot, wet mouth.
An explosion of fire erupts through my body and my head falls back on a cry. I gaze up at the clear, dark sky that is blanketed in a million stars, as I get lost in a storm of pleasure. Ryder’s hand moves to cup my other breast, giving it the greedy attention it yearns for. His thumb and forefinger pinch the sensitive tip with enough force that pleasure and pain become one.
“Ryder!” I whimper and grind down on his erection, desperately seeking relief for the fierce ache between my thighs.
He growls from the contact and lifts his hips for more pressure. “Jesus, Emily, you are going to burn me alive. I can feel the heat of your pussy through my fucking jeans.”
His erotic words cause another wave of heat to pass through me. “Then take them off,” I say boldly, surprising myself.
He groans in what sounds like disappointment. “No, baby, not here. I’m not fucking you here. I need a bed for when I get back inside of you, because I’m not going to stop fucking you for hours, Emily. I’m going to fuck you so goddamn hard you will feel me inside of you for weeks to come.”
Oh god.Will it be tonight? Do I invite him inside when we get back to my house? Do I want to? My body most certainly does, but my scarred heart is a little hesitant. Do I really want him to consume me – body and soul – only to leave me again?
“Stop that shit, stop fucking thinking. It’s not happening tonight, I know we have shit to sort out.”
Is he talking about my father? About why he left?
I get pulled out of my thoughts and cry out in pleasure when he takes a sharp nip at my beaded nipple. “I said stop fucking thinking, only feel, baby.”
I follow his command, and push his open dress shirt down his arms then pull up the T-shirt he wears underneath. “Take this off so I can feel you against me.” He sheds himself of the shirt within seconds then pulls me in close, wrapping me in his strong embrace. Electricity shoots through my entire body, and all the oxygen flees from my lungs.
“Damn, you have the softest skin I’ve ever felt,” he mumbles, burying his face into my neck.
We do nothing for a moment but hold each other, feeling a connection that I know I will never feel with anyone else. I’ve tried, god I have tried to move on, but I couldn’t. I thought it was because I had no closure, but now that he’s back I know that isn’t the case. It’s because he still holds so much of my damaged heart.
Ryder pries my knees apart from his hips before running his hands up the inside of my thighs. I moan, my body trembling in anticipation for what’s to come. He reaches my panty line then gently runs a knuckle down the center of my wet panties, causing slight shock waves to travel through my body. I gasp and he groans. “Fuck me, you are soaked.”
My response is another moan as I thrust my hips toward his touch, craving more pressure. “Ryder, please,” I plead breathlessly.
“Don’t worry, baby, I got you.” He pushes my panties aside and runs two fingers through my wet flesh, skimming over my swollen clit before inserting a single finger inside of me.
“Oh god!” I cry out at the sweet invasion.
His groan is guttural. “Oh fuck, your pussy is as hot and tight as I remember it.” He begins pumping his finger in and out of me. “Look, baby. Look between us, watch what my finger is doing to your sweet pussy.” I glance between our bodies, and the erotic sight has my inner walls clamping down around his finger. The need for release becomes so fierce, so overwhelming, that I feel like my body is about to combust.
I grab onto his broad shoulders, my nails digging into the grooves of hard muscle, and I begin moving my hips in rhythm to his thrusts. “That’s it, take it, baby, fuck my finger.” I whimper at his dirty words and my body teeters on the edge, so close to shattering, and Ryder senses it. “Look at me, Emily!” My eyes snap to his at the command and I suck in a sharp breath at the intensity of them. He gives me a dirty grin. “Good girl. I want to see your pretty eyes when you come all over my hand.” With those words, he flicks his wrist and changes the position of his hand. His palm now stroking against my swollen, aching clit and his finger reaching a spot inside of me I didn’t know existed.
“Oh, Ryder, it’s so good, I’m going to come,” I whimper breathlessly.
“Goddamn right you are, and you are going to come fucking hard!” Leaning in, he takes one of my nipples into his mouth and bites down on it hard enough that the pain shoots straight to my clit and rocks my body with the best sensations.
My eyes fall closed at the strength of my orgasm. “Keep your eyes open!” I snap them back open and stare into his heated gaze, his eyes conveying so many emotions it’s hard to name even one, and it does all sorts of things to my already tattered heart. After the final tremors of my orgasm, I drop my forehead on his, my body feeling exhausted, both physically and emotionally.
Ryder withdraws his hand from between my legs then shocks me when he puts it into his mouth and sucks my wetness off of it. I gasp in surprise, and he expels a growl before locking his mouth with mine. His delicious taste, mixed in with my arousal, is beautifully erotic. He doesn’t pull away until we are both needing air. He brings me in closer and wraps me in his powerful embrace. I turn my face into his neck and breathe in his incredible scent. “You okay, Em?” he asks softly.
“Yes, I’m more than okay,” I reply truthfully. I wish there were words to describe how I’m feeling in this moment.
“Good.” He presses a kiss to the top of my head then I feel him reach for something beside him before covering me with it. I quickly realize it’s his dress shirt.
I snuggle in closer to his hard, warm body, never wanting this feeling to end. The feeling of safety and contentment. A feeling I haven’t felt in six years.
