Текст книги "Black Number Four"
Автор книги: Kandi Steiner
сообщить о нарушении
Текущая страница: 9 (всего у книги 23 страниц)
I have to admit, after the exchange I had with Adam a couple weeks ago, I wasn’t sure if joining a fraternity was the right move. I started to question myself, to wonder if all I was doing was distracting from Skyler and what I have to do here. But now, wearing the double-stitched Alpha Sigma letters and sitting around the bonfire with my new brothers, I know with absolute positivity that I made one of the best decisions of my life.
When I showed up to the fraternity house a week and a half ago after Skyler left my place, I had no idea what to expect. The text was vague – just demanding that all pledges report. On the way to the house, I ran through the notes from my new member book in my head, reciting founders, dates, principles and values. I expected a quiz, another ice bath, hell an obstacle course – but I would never have guessed what actually waited for me.
When I arrived, I stepped through the door to an empty house. Once the door closed behind me, a bag was thrown over my head and I was taken to our secret initiation location.
I was scared shitless, not only of initiation but of leaving things with Skyler the way they were. The older brothers took our phones and we only had one day with internet to turn in our school assignments and one phone call to our parents. They watched over our shoulders the entire time, I had no chance to reach out to her.
I have no idea what’s going through her head right now, and that scares me more than having a bag thrown over my head ever could.
“You’re gripping that cup a little tight there, bro,” Kade says, motioning to the red plastic cup now slightly dented in my hand. I switch hands and stretch out my fingers, trying to loosen up and let the tension out. More and more people are showing up to the bonfire, dressed in their letters and already getting buzzed. I scan the crowd for Skyler, maybe a little too eagerly, but I’m past caring about how I look at this point.
“Sorry. I’m just nervous to see Skyler tonight,” I say, a little more openly than I expected. I guess after spending almost two weeks together learning everything there is to know about each other and our fraternity, shit like that comes out easier than before. Of course, I didn’t exactly tell my brothers everything about myself.
Some things are just meant to be kept secret.
“Why? Afraid she’s found someone else to bone in the week you’ve been gone?”
I punch his arm. “No, dick, I’m not. I just… when I got the call to go to the house, we were on weird terms. Things were just kind of left hanging while I was gone and I don’t like it. I don’t know what she’s thinking.”
“Well, hopefully for you she’s thinking about how badly she wants to get you out of here tonight,” he says, winking. I roll my eyes.
“You can’t think of anything except sex right now, can you?”
“Hey,” he says defensively. “We’ve been cooped up with a group of fifty guys for over a week. If you’re not thinking about getting laid, I think it’s you that’s the odd one.”
Kade laughs and claps me on the back, standing to grab another beer. I sip on mine, torn between the want to chug it down and ease my nerves and the need to stay sober enough to not make a fool of myself when Skyler gets here. My leg bounces anxiously and I find myself gripping the cup again but I don’t try to correct it.
By eleven, I’ve given up on trying not to drink and the hope that Skyler will show up. Kade and I are playing beer pong against two Delta Beta Gamma girls and I’m slamming back the cups without hesitation now. I’m pissed, I’m confused, and most of all I’m scared I fucked up the entire reason I’m here. Might as well get drunk.
The chesty brunette sinks a cup and I grab it before the ball has even settled in the beer and throw it back. When I finish and set the empty cup down, fishing out the ball to take my shot, I’m met with a pair of baby blue eyes just behind the girls.
Skyler, Erin, Skyler’s Little and a couple other girls are grouped together, drinking and talking, but Skyler stares directly at me. She’s dressed in a zip up hoodie and I assume there’s nothing underneath because I can see her cleavage from here. It makes me want to walk straight up to her and zip it up to her neck and yet at the same time I consider yanking the zipper down instead so I can take her right here and now.
She stares at me curiously and I can’t for the life of me decipher what those blue pools are trying to tell me. She’s not quite smiling, but her face is calm as she appraises me. Her chestnut hair is gently blowing around her face, catching on her lip gloss every now and then. A hint of a smile starts to play at her lips and she turns away, walking with the girls to the other side of the fire.
What the actual fuck was that?
I know she saw me – hell, she looked straight at me. But she didn’t come say hi, she didn’t wave, she didn’t even fucking smile. What the hell is that supposed to mean?
My stomach is in even worse knots now. Although I was nervous about her showing up, the bigger part of me knew everything was fine and we’d fall right back into our rhythm we had before I left. But apparently I was wrong. She’s pissed, or hurt, or sad, or whatever the fuck that face meant and hell if I know the first thing to do to figure it out.
Chesty brunette clears her throat. “It’s your turn, hot shot.” She leans suggestively over the table, pushing her boobs up even more. “Hope you don’t mind a little distraction.” She winks.
I pull my eyes from Skyler and throw the ball, sinking it into the back right cup. Kade gives me a high five and within the next four turns, I make the remaining cups and the game is over. I’m not as drunk as I’d like to be right now, but I’m done playing games. I need to find Skyler.
Kade and I fill up our cups at the keg and walk closer to the fire, my eyes scanning for the light blue hoodie. There’s at least three hundred people here now and we’re in a sea of letters. Kade stops several times as we walk, chatting with our brothers and various groups of girls. When I finally spot Skyler again, my feet stop along with my heart. She’s sitting on a bench on the other side of the fire with her Little.
And Adam.
My jaw clenches with my fist following suit and I crush the red cup in my hand, splashing beer all over Kade’s jeans.
“What the hell, man?” Kade yells, wiping at his pants just and making Skyler look our direction. Her eyes catch mine, Adam still talking in her ear as we stare across the flames. I swear I can feel them burning the air between us, burning my skin and branding me with her gaze. An infernal tattoo.
I don’t even apologize, tossing the remnants of the cup in the nearest trash bin and heading straight for the keg. Kade follows.
“What’s going on?”
I grab a new cup and fill it, my eyes still locked on Skyler. Kade follows my gaze just as Adam says something that makes both Skyler and her Little laugh. My jaw clenches again and I have to use all my focus not to crush a second cup.
“Shit,” he says, drawing out the word as he turns back to me. “Well that complicates things.”
“A little,” I agree, my voice hard.
Kade looks back at them once more before shaking his head. “Whatever man. Brush it off. Come on, let’s go get drunk and see if we can get those DBG girls from the pong game to show us a good time tonight.”
I follow him, drinking the beer from my cup a little too quickly. I don’t give a fuck about those girls but right now I need something to distract me before I do something I’ll regret.
Forty three minutes pass. And yes, I’m counting. I check my phone between entertaining the airhead brunette from the pong game. Kade is enjoying himself, but dear God I think I might start faking my intoxication level just so I have an excuse to pass out. I’ve had more fun writing a school paper than I have listening to this girl talk about herself and pretending I give two fucks.
Finally, Adam leaves Skyler and her Little and heads for the portable bathrooms set up on the other side of the pit. I’ve watched him edge his way closer and closer to Skyler every minute, his legs touching hers eventually. She gripped tight to her cup with both hands as if it were hot chocolate and not beer, but he had one free hand that somehow seemed to always find her knee, or move her hair out of her face, or tug on the strings of her hoodie.
My blood is boiling.
“I’ll be right back,” I say quickly to Kade, cutting off Chesty McTitternips in the middle of a sentence. Kade grabs my arm and tries to stop me from going, saying something about keeping my cool or thinking it through, but my eyes are zeroed in on her now and my feet move whether I want them to or not. Before I know it, I’m standing over Skyler, her baby blue eyes looking up at me while everyone else stares at us, waiting. Erin has since taken Adam’s spot on the bench next to Skyler and I feel her eyes boring into me, waiting for me to look at her, too, but I keep my gaze focused on Skyler.
“Everything okay, Kip?” One of my brothers asks from nearby but I barely hear it.
“I know I’m probably supposed to say I’m sorry right now, but I’m not going to. I’m not sorry about what happened between us last Sunday, Skyler.” I see Erin’s eyes grow big in my peripheral, her attention turning immediately to Skyler, but I continue anyway. “I am sorry that I had to leave, that I couldn’t talk to you afterward, but you left me first. Remember that. I woke up and you weren’t there. I’m sorry for that, I’m sorry that I didn’t chase after you or call you or make sure you were okay, but I’m not sorry about what happened. I don’t regret it. I want to do it again. Right now, actually.”
I hear a mixture of giggles and sighs from the girls around us and the guys let out various encouragements, one of them punching my shoulder but I brush him off.
“I don’t care about what people think, Skyler. I know you do, but I don’t. I’m not sorry. I want you. I want –”
Suddenly, Skyler thrusts her cup into her Little’s hands and stands before grabbing my hoodie and pulling me into her, crushing her lips to mine. Everyone hoots and hollers as she throws her arms around my neck and I pull her into me tighter, tasting the lips I’ve dreamt about for the past week and a half.
She pulls back, smiling, and runs her fingers through my mussed up hair. “I’ve missed you. Take me to the dance tomorrow.”
And as happy as I am to hear her say she wants me to take her to the dance, something seems off. She’s smiling, but her eyes are hiding something. Erin is right here, so obviously that’s not what it is. I can’t figure it out, but something isn’t right.
“Like that was even an option,” I say, kissing her again. After a few more cheers and some guys yelling out for us to get a room, I take her hand and pull her away from the fire. She looks over her shoulder just as Erin storms off and I see her cringe. Maybe this is about her, after all.
“Don’t worry about that,” I say, pulling her chin toward me. “She’ll be okay.”
Skyler sighs, her eyes following Erin as she disappears, but when she turns back to me, that same smile comes. But it’s not her smile. Not the real one. I know that smile, I take pride in putting that smile on her face – but this? This is not it. Her eyes are soft, but distant – the light is missing.
Holy shit.
I think she’s giving me her poker face.
“Yeah, she’ll be fine,” she says, tucking her hands in the front pocket of my hoodie. She eyes the letters and looks back up at me. “So you’re officially a brother, huh?”
I know something is off with her, but maybe it’s just the distance. Even though it’s only been a week and a half, we didn’t talk at all. Maybe she’s just a little shy. Did she smile like this the first night we met?
“Nah, I stole this sweater from Goodwill. Don’t tell.”
She presses her finger to her puckered lips and my eyes follow. “Your secret is safe with me.”
I swallow hard, remembering the way it felt when she came on my fingers and wanting desperately to hear the sweet sounds that escaped her mouth again. I grab her face between my hands and pull her lips to mine, sliding my tongue in to take full advantage. She moans into my mouth and my dick hardens, anxious to be inside her.
Down, boy.
“Come home with me,” I murmur between kisses.
She kisses me back, hard, needy, but then her eyes open and I see the conflict in them. It’s the same wall of doubt from before, but it looks like the bricks I had chipped away at were now back and stronger than ever.
“I can’t.”
“Stop overthinking it and do what you want to do.”
“It’s not that easy.”
Suddenly, a bright flash catches us from the right and we both turn. I grab Skyler protectively and pull her into me to shield her from whatever the fuck is happening.
“You two are so cute together,” a voice says in the darkness. The fire is behind the person the voice came from, making a haunting silhouette as my eyes try to adjust. “New boyfriend again, Skyler? Will he be with you in Vegas?”
My heart stops.
What the hell is happening?
“Shit.” Skyler grabs my hand and yanks it hard in the opposite direction and before I know it we’re running. The photographer chases us for a while, still shouting questions before we lose him, hiding in the family bathroom of Hawthorne Hall. When we’re sure he’s gone, we sneak out and walk swiftly toward the sorority house.
“What the fuck was that?” I ask as we walk. I tried asking when we were hiding, but Skyler wouldn’t make a sound and kept shushing me when I tried.
She groans. “Probably a reporter. Or a freelance photographer low on funds. Or maybe there’s another Hottest Poker Players issue coming out from some played out magazine. I always seem to end up on those shitty lists.”
“What are you talking about?”
She sighs. “This happened last year before I played a pretty massive tournament in Atlantic City. My parents told me it would probably happen again and maybe be even worse with this one in Vegas, but I guess I didn’t think they would find me here. They’re not supposed to be allowed on campus, but technically the bonfire isn’t on campus, is it? Fuck.”
She’s rambling, so I stop her just short of her sorority house’s lawn and pull her into me, wrapping my arms around her. I kiss her hair and wait for her breaths to steady against my chest before pulling back to face her again.
“It’s all good, they’re gone now and we can talk to the Dean tomorrow about this. Or President Whittington. They’ll take care of it.”
She nods, but for once I see concern laden on her face – not the kind about sorority functions or fighting her feelings for me, but legitimate concern. “Okay,” she says finally, but she doesn’t seem convinced.
“Hey, look at me.” I wait for her to bring her eyes to mine before continuing. “The only thing you need to worry about right now is picking out a dress for tomorrow night, okay? I’ll handle talking to the president. Pick you up at seven?”
For a second she just stares at me, a look of what seems like pain washing over her face. Slowly, she smiles, but this smile is even worse than the one she’s been feeding me all night. It’s not fake – it’s forced.
“Actually, Adam and some of your brothers are coming in a limo to pick a lot of my other sisters up. Could we ride with them? It would be so fun!”
I chew my bottom lip, definitely not wanting to agree but realizing I don’t really have a choice at this point. “Okay, yeah. I’ll talk to Adam.”
“Okay,” she says, smiling again. She lifts up on her toes and gives me a swift kiss before turning toward the door.
As I watch her walk away, my head spins with confusion. She kissed me in public, made a huge scene about the dance – it’s clear she’s not worried about our “friends only” agreement. But at the same time, now she’s being different with me. Is she still feeling weird about Erin? Is she using me to make Adam mad? Does she still have feelings for him?
God, why am I such a chick right now?
I roll my eyes and start walking toward my apartment, shaking my head. I’m overreacting, reading too much into shit. She’s fine, we’re fine – I’ve just been so worked up over the past week thinking about what was going through her head that I’m making shit up that isn’t even happening.
Pulling in a deep breath, I let the cool February air fill my lungs and then push it out, letting the stress go with it. I feel my chest deflate and realize how tense I’ve been all night. Everything is cool, nothing to worry about – except not killing Adam when I ask him to ride in that damn limo tomorrow night.
And that photo.
I try to convince myself I won’t have to deal with that, but something in my gut tells me I will. Not just with the president, but with my dad. I’m still in this game for him, I’m still here and doing what he wants me to do.
Right?
Yes. Definitely yes. UCLA is my dream school and I’m going to get there. But I can still have some fun with Skyler along the way, right? I mean, at this point she’s going to hate me no matter what.
Or maybe she won’t.
Maybe I should tell her I play, that I want to enter the tournament just for fun to see how I do. Then when I win, it’ll be like a joke – something we can laugh about together. Hey, remember that time I helped you train for that tournament and then I ended up winning? Hilarious!
Okay, so it sounded better in my head. But if I am still in this, if I’m still committed to figuring out her weaknesses and beating her in May, then I need to get her back at a table so I can watch. And I need to disconnect the feelings – hers for me, mine for her – a little fun, but nothing too crazy.
Although I’m pretty sure it’s already too late for that.
“What the hell were you thinking?!”
My dad’s voice rings in my ear as I pull the phone away, sinking my head further into the pillow. It’s just past eight and I am clearly not awake enough to answer any questions.
“Hmpf?” I manage, my head still aching from his booming voice.
“Get your ass out of bed and open the email I sent you. Now.” He coughs the last word, covering the receiver to cough more when he finishes. I roll my eyes and sit up, reaching for my laptop. When I pull up his email and click the link inside, a sudden rush of realization rolls over me.
It’s a photo of me and Skyler.
Kissing.
The headline reads: Skyler Thorne – Training for the Tournament, or for a Romp in the Woods?
Fuck.
“Dad, it’s not that bad. I’m going to talk to the president and make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
“Damn right you are! But first you’re going to explain to me why the HELL you are kissing Skyler Thorne?!”
I cringe, remembering that he still doesn’t know how friendly our relationship has become.
“Listen, it’s not a big deal, Dad,” I reassure him. “I know it looks bad, but we’re just having a little fun.” I try desperately to grasp words that will make him okay with the situation. “She was having a tough time trusting me, but the closer we got the more open she got. She agreed to let me help her with poker, but she was resistant. I think this is the best way to get her to open up, to really see what her weaknesses are.”
Douche.
You are a fucking douche shovel.
The words leave an acidic taste on my tongue as they leave my mouth, but I know I have to say them. To my dad, at least. But then again, is it really a lie? I still intend to go through with the plan, so what else can I really say about what Skyler means to me?
Yep. Douche.
Dad sighs on the other end which causes him to go into another coughing fit.
“You okay, Dad?”
He coughs a few more times before responding, “I’m fine. But you won’t be if you don’t pull your head out of your ass and focus on the tournament and your mission at that school.” He sighs and I imagine him pacing in his office, running his hand through his graying hair. “Listen, I’m sorry, I know this isn’t an easy task. But I just… I really need you to focus. I need you to do this for me, Oliver.” There’s that damn name drop again.
“I know, Dad,” I say, my voice trailing off. He may be an asshole, but I love him, and I know how much this means to him. And I know how much UCLA means to me. I need to focus more, but it’s not that easy.
Not with Skyler in the mix.
“It’s only the side of your face and it’s dark, so hopefully no one will be able to place you. But you can’t be careless and let this happen again. You may not be known in the poker world, but you’ve played enough that they’d find a story to run if someone recognizes that it’s you hanging out with Skyler Thorne.”
Shit, I hadn’t even thought about that. What if they did find out who I was? If she found out who I was?
“I’ll be careful, Dad. I promise. I’ll handle it.”
“Good,” he says pointedly. It’s quiet on the line for a few moments before he clears his throat and adds, “Hope school is going well. I have to run. Keep me posted on developments. When’s the next time you’re watching her play?”
“Soon,” I lie, though I hope I can somehow make it a reality. I need to rein this shit in. Fast.
“Okay. Let me know when you have things squared away.”
“Uh huh,” is all I say before ending the call.
I sigh, tossing my phone to the side and moving to the end of the bed where my keyboard stands. My fingers work before I have the chance to tell them what to play. They glide over the keys, the soft and sad music filling my room. I think of the way Skyler felt when my hands were all over her, when my fingers were inside her. I think of how I felt waking up without her, or for the two weeks when I didn’t know where we stood. I picture her face in the firelight last night, something missing in those sparkling blue eyes of hers. What is she hiding? Does she know what I’m hiding?
My thoughts shift to UCLA, to the dream I’ve had for so long and what it means to me – to attend my dream school, graduate from the program I’ve always imagined, live in California and write shows that people love, that people crave. These are my dreams, they’re what my entire life has been built on… but are they still everything I want?
I pound the keys harder, closing my eyes tight and letting the questions pour through me and into the song. I should write this down. I should play this for Skyler.
I should let Skyler go.
Every thought flies at me at once, colliding with each other and scattering around me.
Things are far from squared away.
